View Full Version : WTF!?!?! Next ! A 1st date story..
There has not been a woman I have liked in 10 years who did not think a guy trying to spend money on her to buy her time/affection was pathetic.
The more you try to pay for pussy, the more expensive it gets.
It's fine to spoil your girl because she's your world and you're a sucker for love, but it's another thing to not take me out for TGI Fridays.
RoseLeigh
10-16-2007, 09:17 PM
I must say, for the record, that there are also a number of sexually liberated feminist-y girls that (even if they LOVE taking money from men ITC) see dates as being 100% different and will actually LOSE respect for a guy if he tries to flash too much cash.... i.e. chivalry can be a veiled form of inequality. I say either go Dutch, or go Free. If I go on a first date with a guy and he lets me pay half, I'll respect him a LOT more, and the date is 200% more likely to end... happily. Just a thought.
And sexually liberated, feminist chicks who dig the chivalry (as long as it isn't obnoxious)! To each their own.
RoseLeigh
10-16-2007, 09:19 PM
It's fine to spoil your girl because she's your world and you're a sucker for love, but it's another thing to not take me out for TGI Fridays.
Awwww-TOO take him to Fridays. *hands Shot a Friday's Brownie Sundae*
Embyr
10-16-2007, 09:20 PM
^... kind of... i'll rephrase... it's unNEcessary to spend extra $$, especially on a first date, on a woman who values her independence, or on one whom you feel could use som extra fostering of said trait. If we like you, want to see you again, or want to fuck you, we will regardless of date finances. Money spent on occasion-based gifts or those to show random affection is different. Unless there is an OBvIous gap in income, finances shouldn't come into play during a first date. Thus I repeat; go dutch or go free.
but i'm from ny. women there are just like that. :P
GentlemanX
10-16-2007, 09:23 PM
Girls in Texas have never heard of going dutch. haha. I wouldn't even know how to broach that topic.
"So, are you going to pick up your half of the tab?" (mentally prepare for a slap or an icy car trip dropping her off)
Embyr
10-16-2007, 09:26 PM
oh christ you're in TX. ignore posts plz. :P well... how about free? err, inexpensive, at least? Pack a lunch and take her for a long-ass drive along some really cool roads you know? bowling? a night of late-night improv-comedy? a nature-hike where they show you how to find weird nocturnal shit?? (ok, maybe that's the odd stuff I'd like... but still.... it's cheap, it's fun, and it shows that you're a cool guy without the finance thing coming up. plus you don't have to dance. right?)
RoseLeigh
10-16-2007, 09:27 PM
^... kind of... i'll rephrase... it's unNEcessary to spend extra $$, especially on a first date, on a woman who values her independence, or on one whom you feel could use som extra fostering of said trait. If we like you, want to see you again, or want to fuck you, we will regardless of date finances. Money spent on occasion-based gifts or those to show random affection is different. Unless there is an OBvIous gap in income, finances shouldn't come into play during a first date. Thus I repeat; go dutch or go free.
but i'm from ny. women there are just like that. :P
This is true. First dates are so touchy-if it's a dinner or the like, and they asked, they should pay. I hate if some guy suggests I pay for a date he suggested, and if I suggest to split a dinner, I'm looking to split as well.
I don't know-I've just never felt I owed anyone anything, no matter how much they've spent on me. I'm from NJ-not sure if that's why? :)
All Good Things
10-16-2007, 09:28 PM
If you pay for a woman's time, you're tricking and you are objectifying her. And what does that say about you if you have to spend money to get her to hang out, shouldn't your great personality be enough?
You're paying for her time? Where did that come from? You are paying for her groceries and flowers, in a manner that relieves her of that burden unexpectedly. It's called a gift. And having the most fabulous personality in the world is not a license for a well-developed talent for examining the ceiling tiles when the total comes due.
It's not about not being a gentleman, it's just easier to really get to know somebody without all that extra social convention clouding things.
It has everything to do with being a gentleman. But more to the point, you can suggest a dozen other better first date venues. So could I. It's just not what we are working with here. I didn't choose the grocery-shopping venue for the first meeting; the OP did. I just described what I see as the proper behavior in that situation.
This is going to be one of those cases where we are simply not going to agree. That's fine. The fact that I found agreement with you in the other thread was surprising enough for one night. :)
Farrah_Holiday
10-16-2007, 09:28 PM
If by selfish one track minded little boys you mean trying to get laid without spending a cent, that's not me AT ALL.
I'm not talking about you..I was refering to the jerk this thread is about and the other jerk who asked if we were going to get busy, who just so happened to call me while I was reading the responses to this thread..Maybe I should've put a disclaimer with my post.
Here it goes..In no way was my response to TOO post directed to/at anyone on SW.
We knew that : )
We're just trying to take your mind off your bad dates.
Have you ever considered posting on the Blue Side of stripperweb? There lurk other men who also can't satisfy you, but we compensate by having bad hygiene.
stellaforstars
10-16-2007, 09:32 PM
TOO-
The guys can disagree with you all they want, but I am personally in utter adoration of you at this moment. You understand generosity in its truest form. You are the type of man I swoon over.
Embyr
10-16-2007, 09:34 PM
I like paying for my groceries. It's why I strip, for heaven's sake. Independence.
... of course, if you want to help with the next moto-crash bill.. now THAT's generosity!!!! ;D ;D hehe sorry.
RoseLeigh
10-16-2007, 09:35 PM
I'm not talking about you..I was refering to the jerk this thread is about and the other jerk who asked if we were going to get busy, who just so happened to call me while I was reading the responses to this thread..Maybe I should've put a disclaimer with my post.
Here it goes..In no way was my response to TOO post directed to/at anyone on SW.
These guys need to stop calling you! Tell them I said so! :wife:
You're paying for her time? Where did that come from? You are paying for her groceries and flowers, in a manner that relieves her of that burden unexpectedly. It's called a gift. And having the most fabulous personality in the world is not a license for a well-developed talent for examining the ceiling tiles when the total comes due.
The total comes due for what though? She was shopping for herself. You don't have to do anything special in that case. I often go out with women when they are shopping, they pay for their stuff, and then we leave the store. It's not complicated.
. But more to the point, you can suggest a dozen other better first date venues. So could I
You miss the point. I think their situation WAS the perfect first date venue. The guy just turned out to be weird.
Farrah_Holiday
10-16-2007, 09:37 PM
I feel that I needed to add..While I didn't ask the dude to buy my items..It would've been nice if had offer to buy 1 of the flowers I picked out. I would've even accepted a single $3 rose. It's the thought that counts.
I have my own money and am a very independant woman. I don't see guys who spend money as losers not at all. The guys who spend money on me at work and in everyday life are very much appreciated.
The problem I had and stated in my original post was the the jerk constantly bringing up the how I spent MY money..That was none of his business. Period.
And the fact that he tried to be rude when I told him it was none of his business also pissed me off. Luckily for me as soon as he uttered the words I'm about to be rude, I cut him off at the knees. He was surprised that I could carry myself like a lady yet, unleash on him in a heart beat. Hopefully he learned to never judge a book by it's cover.
Budai
10-16-2007, 09:41 PM
I am surprised and a little saddened, however, that the male responses you've received on this have a gentleman factor of about, oh, 30%. I respect every man's opinion, of course, but I would have liked to have seen at least a few guys supporting a gallant show of generosity, largesse, sensitivity and graciousness.
Sad but true, TOO: "a gentleman factor of 30%" would be a significant improvement over the actual frequency for the current U.S. male population. :(
Ideally, "a gallant show of generosity, largesse, sensitivity and graciousness" stems spontaneously from a man's genuine love of women and his innate appreciation of how lopsided Mother Earth would be in their absence. Chivalry is its own reward and requires no audience, just a woman. :flower:
The controversial yet honest Sh0t has referred to certain attributes of "New Age males" (NAM) in other threads, sometimes derisively. I suppose I'm one of those bitch-men that doesn't have sex with women unless I know and admire them beforehand. I plead guilty to his charges of "sensitivity" but fail to see how treating a woman well equals White Knight Syndrome.
IMO, the PUA mindset versus NAM mindset represents the difference between "motherfucker" and "making love to the mother of your child." Semantically, the two are equivalent; that's where the similarity ends. ::)
Embyr
10-16-2007, 09:46 PM
I feel like a fucking idiot... I accidentally missed the first page of this post!!! Jeez... i only started reading where gentlemanx misinterpreted it, thinking page 2 was page 1. woah... i feel like an ass... SORRY FARRAH!!!! *hugs*
anabella
10-16-2007, 09:53 PM
So let me get this straight, you had a conversation with this guy about how no one had gotten you any flowers or cards while you were in the hospital before the date even started and he didn't show up with any? Or did you have that conversation at the beginning of the date? If you talked about it beforehand, he was a douche to show up empty handed.
The only reason I can see his behavior with the flowers as being excusable is if he took your comments as you asking him to buy you flowers and he was turned off by that. Even if there was no flower business at all, he still seems worthless. The simple fact that he called you back so many times means he's totally insecure and a little crazy.
I went to the grocery with a guy on the second date before, because the date was going to involve us baking something together. He picked up a stupid stuffed animal and bought it for me even though I told him not to because I didn't like it and thought it was dumb to buy me something just for the sake of spending money. He refused to listen to me and bought it anyway. It was just his personality.
It's ok to like when a guy spends money on you. However, I don't let the bouncer carry my bag to my car because I have arms and they work. That's my philosophy on male/female interactions.
Farrah_Holiday
10-17-2007, 01:54 AM
These guys need to stop calling you! Tell them I said so! :wife:
Yes ma'am ! Too bad I can't have you follow me around with that rolling pin !:D
Farrah_Holiday
10-17-2007, 02:00 AM
So let me get this straight, you had a conversation with this guy about how no one had gotten you any flowers or cards while you were in the hospital before the date even started and he didn't show up with any? Or did you have that conversation at the beginning of the date? If you talked about it beforehand, he was a douche to show up empty handed.
The only reason I can see his behavior with the flowers as being excusable is if he took your comments as you asking him to buy you flowers and he was turned off by that. Even if there was no flower business at all, he still seems worthless. The simple fact that he called you back so many times means he's totally insecure and a little crazy.
I went to the grocery with a guy on the second date before, because the date was going to involve us baking something together. He picked up a stupid stuffed animal and bought it for me even though I told him not to because I didn't like it and thought it was dumb to buy me something just for the sake of spending money. He refused to listen to me and bought it anyway. It was just his personality.
It's ok to like when a guy spends money on you. However, I don't let the bouncer carry my bag to my car because I have arms and they work. That's my philosophy on male/female interactions.
Yep, I told him what happened and still no nothing. That's really not a big deal to me, I've been independant mot of my life and I'm used to doing for self. Also, Wow, he's calling again..Just when I thought I free of him. >:(
Now, back to the also..Also, I buy flowers for myself weekly at home. So I'm 3 weeks behind IMO. ;)
pookie
10-17-2007, 02:37 AM
Give me his number!!! I will call him and set him straight!!! }:D
cameron_keys
10-17-2007, 07:59 AM
Give me his number!!! I will call him and set him straight!!! }:D
Give us all his number. SW mafia UNITE!!
Budai
10-17-2007, 09:54 AM
Last night I went out with a guy I met here..I had him take me to Safeway so I could get a few things but, my main purpose was to get flowers...
Not one time did this guy offer to buy me any of the flowers..He struck me as a broke loser or maybe he was wanted to get to know me before he did whatever..Who knows,Who cares..::)...
We get to the register, the bill is rung up and everything including my groceries came to $104..
You should've heard this guys response..I was totally fucking turned off...
Gesh, I had even thought about giving him some..(I've been horny as hell since my piercing has healed. And he's very fit}:D ) ...
I came home arranged my flowers, took a bath, masturbated to him eating my kat and went to sleep. (I might as well get something out of it..LOL :P )
In my mind he was simply another one who bit the dust...
Guys can be so fucking stupid sometimes !...
Farrah,
If it's any consolation, it seems that you were in the driver's seat throughout the fiasco. Furthermore, any dude who could babble his way out the 50/50 probability of meeting your "kat" is beyond "fucking stupid" :O
I suppose it's just as well, because true gentlemen don't kiss & tell ;). I think that this ass clown^ would have shouted about it to the four winds...
Casual Observer
10-17-2007, 02:50 PM
I must say, for the record, that there are also a number of sexually liberated feminist-y girls that (even if they LOVE taking money from men ITC) see dates as being 100% different and will actually LOSE respect for a guy if he tries to flash too much cash.... i.e. chivalry can be a veiled form of inequality.Like Dave Chapelle once noted, Chivalry is dead--and women killed it.
Now personally, I don't have an issue with paying for women when I'm out with them--especially if I asked them to accompany me. Money enhances social situations, despite Sh0t's protestations to the contrary (even if it's only mini-golf ;) (http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1242836&postcount=14) -- warning, this link will take into the dark recesses of the Blue Side).
My issue isn't with spending money; it's with the expectation that I should spend, merely because I'm there, and I have a Y chromosome. There's this paradoxical duality among a great many women in which they want to demonstrate independence and adopt socially-progressive ideas while simultaneously embracing old-world attitudes toward men and money in social situations. Not only does that make for miscommunication and misperception about one's frugality, frivolity or parsimonious nature, but it gets in the way of connecting with the other person.
The reason Farrah's guy was a loser wasn't because of the grocery store incident, but because he's an immature and manipulative 'tard, and he's blowing up your phone like a desperate virginal loser.
greenidlady1
10-17-2007, 03:13 PM
Well, obviously you guys have different expectations regarding dating, relationships and the whole bit. So, I think it's best you figured it out early on instead of later when deeper feelings are involved.
If he keeps calling I'd put a block on him. No need in wasting more time discussing it.
I know dating can be a pain. Especially when things don't go like you had in mind. But at least you know who you are and what you want and don't won't. Some people, including myself when I was younger, will put up with whatever because they don't know who they are yet. Hell, I've been out on six dates from match and one guy I posted about was totally bizarre, two of them wanted to feed me bs and than the other two I think might have been gay/bi. I had one decent date last week and I think we are going out again Friday but I get a feeling that he is playing the field. It seems as though sometimes if we want things to happen they won't. And when we are content or too busy for them they come banging or door down, lol::) :)