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TigersMilk
11-16-2007, 11:32 AM
I'm probably getting an abortion seeing as I can't even tell him I'm pregnant. all he does is say hurtful things about me trying to get pregnant and he doesn't want it. So why bother listening to anymore.

Did anyone read the rest of the thread??? She has already made up her mind. Its already fuckedf up you guys are telling her to abort - its her body. Read the thread people. >:(

AudreyLeigh
11-16-2007, 11:43 AM
Shes probably getting one because she cant tell him shes pregnant. Not necessarily because she wants one. Dunno? Or is that what you were pointing out?

TigersMilk
11-16-2007, 11:47 AM
She hasn't been on to update so I'm going to assume she already made up her mind. Thats what I was kind of pointing out is that she already made up her mind about what to do.

AudreyLeigh
11-16-2007, 11:51 AM
Oh, ok. Yes. Thats what I had also assumed but you never know... has she logged on since or just hasnt posted. I may be scared to reply after reading some of these answers.

Lysondra
11-16-2007, 12:53 PM
Not to make light of anyone's situation - but I know to some people the suggestion of having a child is more offensive than aborting. It's kinda a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation. Some people find aborting to be on level or less cruel than bringing a child into the world and portray that idea onto others thinking they have the same mindset. And really, without knowing the OP's mindset, it's hard to tell if she's more 'oh my god, don't want baby' or 'well, I coooould keep it' types. Because either suggestion could easily offend as the other, depending on who you're talking to.

I know I wouldn't be offended if someone suggested I abort, if that's what they truly thought. Of course, I did publicly ask for advice, not 'tell me what I want to hear', as well.

ViolaStrings
11-16-2007, 02:02 PM
Would it have been so hard to take one more pill a day along with all these others pills you claim you take? And jeez, condoms are so expensive and impossible to use ::)

I can't blame the guy for being pissed. His reaction was a little too extreme, but you LIED to him.

Were you trying to get pregnant? Sounds like it.

NinaDaisy
11-16-2007, 02:08 PM
I wasn't talking about you specifically Nina, and maybe my wording was a little harsh but I do think that people were wrong in telling her to get an abortion. Pragmatism aside, being pregnant is a very emotional and personal thing and we don't need to be insensitive here. We can say what *we* would do in the situation but saying "go have an abortion because you can't handle it" is wrong here.

No worries. I didn't think you were talking about me personally.

I just pointed out a few things in her story that I found odd and hoped the OP would examine her actions to keep something this difficult from happening to her again. Once she posted that she was likely to terminate, my responses were primarily to encourage her to go to a doctor and not use herbs or Vitamin C tablets up her vagina to do so.

Of course pregnancy's a very emotional and personal thing. But as another poster said, if someone's coming on here asking for advice, this is not a group of women that typically holds back and tells people only what they want to hear.

Glamazon
11-16-2007, 02:22 PM
Oh and seriously - if anyone told me to have an abortion when I was pregnant, I would have hunted them down and punched them in the cooter for being such an asshole. What a mean thing to say, especially when you don't even know this girl! Won't you kinda feel like shit if she does keep it? Things weren't picture perfect for me and Jess in the beginning (we had only been dating for like 2 months!) but here we are - happy. She deserves to have the option to make things happy for herself and a child she chooses to bring into the world.
Shame on y'all...really.


I agree with you here about how I would have reacted if someone told me to get an abortion when I was pregnant with The Baby. BUT, you and I both were sure from the beginning that we were keeping ours and we both had supportive partners. The OP has mentioned abortion as an option. I don't think there's anything wrong with people saying what they would do and advising her on it. Isn't that what she came here for?

Taylorlila
11-16-2007, 11:10 PM
Well whatever you do I wish you well. It's a shitty boat to be in.

AlexxaHex
11-16-2007, 11:56 PM
I agree with you here about how I would have reacted if someone told me to get an abortion when I was pregnant with The Baby. BUT, you and I both were sure from the beginning that we were keeping ours and we both had supportive partners. The OP has mentioned abortion as an option. I don't think there's anything wrong with people saying what they would do and advising her on it. Isn't that what she came here for?

Yeah...I guess you're right about that. But it just seems sort of insensitive to have people yelling "Abort!" and stuff when she wasn't clear about what she wanted to do in the beginning. I think she stopped coming to this thread because of those kind of posts. At any rate, I think she's made up her mind so maybe we should just drop the whole subject.

leilanicandy
11-17-2007, 01:14 AM
It is deceitful to be having sex with someone if you are not on birth control but they are under the impression that you are.

Yes it is if your not using a condom. Yet I dont think she was thinking clearly besides she said she was on meds. Meds none of us know the name of! Which can cause a person not to think clear.


Yek's advice is exactly what I was thinking, it couldn't be said any better.

If it were me, I would also terminate. Being pregnant and having a baby and all that goes along with it is difficult enough when you're with someone who wants the baby, I can't imagine going through it alone and unsupported.

This guy has shown you his true colors. Believe him.

I agree with this one


Well, on a certain level his reaction is legitimate. That doesn't give him the right to treat you this badly, but you can't blame him for feeling duped. I'd be pissed as hell too if I was him.

That doesn't excuse his behavior though. Whether you terminate the pregnancy or not, I do hope you terminate the relationship.

I agree with this statement.

Would it have been so hard to take one more pill a day along with all these others pills you claim you take? And jeez, condoms are so expensive and impossible to use ::)

I can't blame the guy for being pissed. His reaction was a little too extreme, but you LIED to him.

Were you trying to get pregnant? Sounds like it.

Well She was under alot meds. which nobody has yet to find the names of, which could have cause irrational thinking or unclear thoughts. Or it could have been meds that could cause her birthcontrol pills not to work. When you are taking so many meds. Your body sometimes feel like crap. But who' considering her story or what she could have been going thru! It is also his responibility to use a condom also! I dont think it is fair you are letting this guy off the hook. It takes two make a baby.


The poor girl is going thru something medical, she is going to abort her baby. Which can be a very hard thing to do! She has to deal with a little BOY. I mean little BOY. He as a man can handle this in a better way. He need to grow up!

To the OP I hope you are going to be okay! This can be very hard for you, and I am sorry this happen to you hun. I dont know what medical issues you have as a present promblem. You just hang in there, and no matter what DONT go back to him. He is an jerk. Not once have i heard you mention, him being considerate of your issue, with what your going thru! Dont even answer is call if he ever decide to call.

Ivy1979
11-17-2007, 02:22 PM
I found out 2 days ago I am pregnant. My boyfriend just found out a week ago that I wasn't taking birth control. He's been mad at me about it and will not see me until I have my period. He is saying I have been deceitful to him. I keep telling him that with all the meds I take and stress I am under I didn't think my body was fertile with all the meds. So he's really been hurting me a lot by telling me things like "if you're so lonely go play with your baby." So the day I found out I was pregnant (monday) I called him and told him I needed to talk and it was important. He says "You want to tell me your pregnant and if you are I don't even want you to tell me, I don't want to know." Then today I asked him again and he says "Maybe...maybe not." But then told me he just doesn't want to see me because of the whole birth control thing and he will not have sex with me anymore, and added that I better "Hope to God I'm not pregnant". He told me last week if I'm pregnant he will make me have an abortion.

What's pissing me off is he is 31 and has a 10 year old. He married his sons mom and the marriage lasted 5 years. So I don't understand why he is being so mean to me at 31 years old and he's already been through this.

So I am here for advice. I told him it's my body and I'll do what I want. But I am scared to tell him that I'm pregnant. I am considering not telling him and just going to get an abortion this week. I have no idea how to deal with this. I've been sitting at home ever since I found out just thinking of what options I have and whether or not to tell him. I just feel by telling him he will only say more hurtful things and make it worse.

You took it on yourself to stop talking the pill.....You also took it on yourself not to tell him, and now your sad because you are pregnant and he is mad? What did you honestly think was gonna happen? You also diagnosed yourself as infertile due to other medications? I personally dont think thats something that you are qualified to determine.....

You are right he has been through this, and it didnt sound like it went so well. What made you think the same situation a few years later would make him happy?

I am sorry for being such a bitch but come on......

Sirona
11-17-2007, 03:05 PM
I can't believe how many people are calling this guy a jerk. Wtf.

Hatshepsut
11-17-2007, 03:44 PM
Getting "oopsed" is one of the worst things that can happen to a man, as it leaves him nearly powerless (unless she's a bad mom or if he fights dirty) for 18 years. I'm surprised that male birth control isn't mainstream due to this. I'd say that his reaction is pretty expected, although he should have wrapped it up.

Please abort. This is a fucked up situation, and all kids deserve to be wanted and loved. Also, if you have this kid, you will be forcefully linked to the guy for at least 18 years. All sorts of shit could happen. What if he decided to play dirty and take your kid from you? What if he skips out on child support?

There is no nice way to say this, but I doubt that someone who "forgets" to mention that she is off birth control will likely be able to make rational decisions concerning a kid. The reason I suggest abortion is becuase I'm afraid that the pregnancy hormones will take over and totally obscure the fact that this is not a good situation for a kid. I've seen too many people fall in love with the little baby, only to find a harsh reality that is bad for all involved parties.

hardkandee
11-17-2007, 03:52 PM
I can't believe how many people are calling this guy a jerk. Wtf.

No kidding.
The guy was being pretty damn responsible being so concerned about birth control, imho. A little late, but looks like it wasn't all his fault.

xoxoGracexoxo
11-17-2007, 04:39 PM
To the OP, if you're still reading this: I really hope you have someone in your life to love and support you right now. Sounds like the guy isn't going to do it, so hopefully you have a friend, family member, counselor, or someone else to talk to. Brutal honesty from strangers is the strength of message boards like this one, and it can be useful, but you also need someone who knows you and your situation and will listen and give you the loving care you need.

For my part, I think one of the strongest arguments for legal, on-demand abortion is that people who are not in the position to excercize good judgements to keep from getting pregnant are not in a good position to be parents, either. Being a mom will require you to make patient, rational decisions, consider the needs of others, and communicate clearly...for the next 18 years, minimum. And probably much longer. If you're not up for it, it's a life sentence, sweety. So please, please think carefully. You need to consider your own needs, and the needs of the child who might be born. Would you yourself want to be born into this situation? Would you want to be this baby? Can you give it a life that you would want to live?

And you do also need to consider the father, even though you are probably not on good terms with him right now. His response sounds quite immature, and maybe even threatening. Nobody can "make" you have an abortion, and nobody should try. On the other hand, the kid is half his, whether you and he want it that way or not. Unless he is a true bastard who will really skip out of your life and the baby's for the rest of his life, then he's going to have to be involved. As he is a parent already, he obviously has some idea of what is involved with this, and doesn't want to do it again.

I've seen this from the other side, as I have a close friend who was in a similar position. He and his ex-girlfriend had sex after breaking up. She didn't tell him she had stopped her birth control, and got pregnant. He left her, but after the baby was born, tried to come back into the baby's life and be a good father. It's been a very, very difficult situation for him, her, and their son. He is married to someone else now, but continues to be linked to the life of a woman who bitterly resents him and has used the baby to control him.

I feel sorry for you, and your boyfriend. I hope you make the best decision for all of you.

Sindi
11-17-2007, 04:57 PM
Hello , are you going to get rid of the baby just because the sperm donor isn't acting like a father ? There are so many single moms out there and trust me it is not as hard as people say . I actually really like that I am the ONLY one who makes important decisions in my daughters life , I never have to have those "well i think its ok" or "thats what I want" fights with some jerks who knocked me and doesnt pull his weight anyways .......havent you read half the post on here ??? They are all from moms who are PO at their baby daddy


Keep the baby lose the BF ......YES he has the right to be upset because you did not tell him that you were off your BC , I am sure you know that HOWEVER as an adult he should get over it quick and think about what is more important NOW ...but he most likely wont so start planning your new life with out him . KEEP THE DAMN BABY !!

Sindi
11-17-2007, 05:01 PM
I can't believe how many people are calling this guy a jerk. Wtf.


Well I think that everything he said AFTER that was pretty F'd up , ya know ? Ok so someone wrongs you but now there are more important and very serious things to handle . ALSO you should NEVER fully rely on someone else to handle your only bc so he WAS being irresponsible too .....if it was so important to him he should have ALSO been using BC , plain and simple .

I got knocked up because I trusted the jerk to control his swimmers and not leak any into me ......but guess what ? He did and he wants NOTHING to do with the results .

Circe
11-17-2007, 07:11 PM
Vitamin C is fine in large doses, its one vitamin you can take in large doses - it wont nessesarilly cause an abortion though so I wouldnt even bother trying.

Yes, exactly. It's water soluable and for the method to induce one's period (which is what women use this for) or to attempt to abort in the EXTREMELY early stages, the recommended dose is like, 6000mg. That's maybe 3x what someone would take for a cold, spread out through the day. Not exactly fatal. The worst you'd get is some mild diarrhea...


From what I've researched, this works maybe 50-60% of the time. And you only attempt it for a few days, and must be able to follow up with a medical abortion if it fails. I do know someone who successfully used this method though, so it's not complete bullshit.

NO inserting Vitamin C however. Bad bad bad.

Circe
11-17-2007, 07:29 PM
Oh, and I'm not like condoning this over conventional medicine. I think if you abort medical is the way to go.

These are just my ramblings from my readings re:vit C and abortions.

leilanicandy
11-17-2007, 08:04 PM
I can't believe how many people are calling this guy a jerk. Wtf.


He is a jerk because of the way he handle things! He could have use a condom. He stuck his little penis in thier, he should have wear a condom. He is just as responible for this baby as her. If I dont wont kids I am going to protect myself as best as I can!

StrawberrySwitchblade
11-17-2007, 08:25 PM
Hello , are you going to get rid of the baby just because the sperm donor isn't acting like a father ? There are so many single moms out there and trust me it is not as hard as people say .

You are assuming everyone can be Super Single-Mom, which simply is not the case.



I actually really like that I am the ONLY one who makes important decisions in my daughters life , I never have to have those "well i think its ok" or "thats what I want" fights with some jerks who knocked me and doesnt pull his weight anyways .......havent you read half the post on here ??? They are all from moms who are PO at their baby daddy

...you leave me without words. Are they somehow beneath you because they are having problems with the men who fathered their child? Are you that disrespectful?



Keep the baby lose the BF ......YES he has the right to be upset because you did not tell him that you were off your BC , I am sure you know that HOWEVER as an adult he should get over it quick...

...you really are clueless. You think he should just shake off this situation because he's an adult? He already has one child, has had to be responsible for it to some degree, give up a portion of his waking life, and now he may have to do it again? Just because he's an adult doesn't mean his emotions and thoughts of his personal future are eradicated.



and think about what is more important NOW ...but he most likely wont so start planning your new life with out him . KEEP THE DAMN BABY !!

Clueless, disrespectful, AND pushy.

TigersMilk
11-17-2007, 08:27 PM
KEEP THE DAMN BABY !!
Thats so east to say when you're not going to be the one there supporting her through everything for 18+ years.

I hate it when people say these kinds of things. This includes people who are telling her to abort. I'm sure there are emotional ramifications post-abortion and I'm sure those who are telling her to abort won't be there to hold her hand if/when she starts to cry.

I'm pretty sure now if/when she reads these replies she knows how both of them are very much at fault for this pregnancy.

jasmine
11-17-2007, 09:26 PM
He shouldn't be such an ass now that the shock has worn off, and you definitely need someone to talk to about this. Maybe a counselor, or close friend (someone mature). Don't let him make your decisions for you. He can't MAKE you do anything.



Well, on a certain level his reaction is legitimate. That doesn't give him the right to treat you this badly, but you can't blame him for feeling duped. I'd be pissed as hell too if I was him.

That doesn't excuse his behavior though. Whether you terminate the pregnancy or not, I do hope you terminate the relationship.


Yup, yup, yuppers. Had an ex pretend to put on a condom while I was drunk once. Didn't notice till afterward (I was fuuucked up). Pretty much went beserk. Dumped him. Threw him out at 3am. Being decieved sucks.

Sirona
11-17-2007, 09:27 PM
He is a jerk because of the way he handle things! He could have use a condom. He stuck his little penis in thier, he should have wear a condom. He is just as responible for this baby as her. If I dont wont kids I am going to protect myself as best as I can!


Well I think that everything he said AFTER that was pretty F'd up , ya know ? Ok so someone wrongs you but now there are more important and very serious things to handle . ALSO you should NEVER fully rely on someone else to handle your only bc so he WAS being irresponsible too .....if it was so important to him he should have ALSO been using BC , plain and simple .

I got knocked up because I trusted the jerk to control his swimmers and not leak any into me ......but guess what ? He did and he wants NOTHING to do with the results .

So she lied about something I think we can all agree was super important...
and he's an asshole for being pissed off and feeling manipulated...

All righty then.

ps - What like none of you have said horrible cutting things to people when you were pissed off and hurt?

Hatshepsut
11-17-2007, 10:06 PM
I think that this thread is proving a very valuable lesson in trusting others with your fertility. We women have many more options, but I'd be very pissed and betrayed if he forgot to mention that his condoms had been in his glove box for an entire Houston summer, or if he sneaked antibiotics or St. John's Wort in my food.

Dottie Rebel
11-17-2007, 11:02 PM
I haven't responded yet because this thread is kinda blowing my mind.

I am blown away by the immaturity of the OP, and amazed that so many women have jumped to her defense and jumped all over the guy. In this day and age in this country there is no reason whatsover for a 24 year old woman to be so ignorant and irresponsible with regard to her biology.

There is nothing fair about female biology. It's a fucking fact. It is not a shared responsibity. It is a woman's responsiblity--ultimately, at the end of the day--to take charge of her fertility because she is the ONLY one who will be in the position of being pregnant. She HAS to deal with the issue one way or another. It sucks. It's unfair. It's a fact.

My husband and I have decided to be childfree. To this end, I take the pill. He is forced to trust me to take the pill daily or to let him know that I have decided not to.

For those of you suggesting that the man has "half" the responsibility in the pregnancy, do you think my husband should wear condoms every time we have sex because it is, afterall, his responsibility, too? Of course not. You TRUST the person you are in your most intimate relationship with. You have no choice. She was ON THE PILL. Had he insisted on wearing condoms, people would say that he is an asshole because he doesn't trust you.

As it is he's being crucifed for actually trusting that the woman he was in a relationship with was acting like a responsible adult.

Sunshine73
11-17-2007, 11:23 PM
To the OP...if there is any time you need t make a sound, rational decision, it's now.

Be painfully honest with yourself about what you want and how it could affect everyone around you. Make the decision that feels right for you, whatever it may be.

I wish you all the best, and please learn from this.

Sunshine73
11-17-2007, 11:55 PM
One question for the OP... are the meds you are on going to damage the fetus? Will you able to be a single mom-successfully- while taking said meds? Should you choose to have the baby would you be able to stop taking these meds?

If you take the meds, it could hurt the baby and your ability to be a mom.
If you don't take the meds, it could hurt your ability to be a mom.

Kinda a damned if you do-damned if you don't situation to me...

AlexxaHex
11-17-2007, 11:56 PM
Thats so east to say when you're not going to be the one there supporting her through everything for 18+ years.

I hate it when people say these kinds of things. This includes people who are telling her to abort. I'm sure there are emotional ramifications post-abortion and I'm sure those who are telling her to abort won't be there to hold her hand if/when she starts to cry.

I'm pretty sure now if/when she reads these replies she knows how both of them are very much at fault for this pregnancy.

:yes: I think it's rude to tell her what to do EITHER WAY! There's a difference between saying "this is what worked for me" and "you better do this because I think you should". Does anyone know this girl? Can you really say whether she's fit to be a mother or not because she forgot to take her birth control?

We can debate back and forth here all freakin' week about what she should do but it doesn't really matter in the end because it's HER CHOICE.

Hatshepsut
11-18-2007, 12:22 AM
One question for the OP... are the meds you are on going to damage the fetus? Will you able to be a single mom-successfully- while taking said meds? Should you choose to have the baby would you be able to stop taking these meds?

If you take the meds, it could hurt the baby and your ability to be a mom.
If you don't take the meds, it could hurt your ability to be a mom.

Kinda a damned if you do-damned if you don't situation to me...
Very, very, VERY good point.

Sunshine73
11-18-2007, 12:33 AM
^^^ Thanks. I think it depends on what the meds are and what she is taking them for.

Can she take them and have a healthy baby?

If she needs to go off them, can she function?

Some things she should factor into her decision if she hasn't already.

Sunshine73
11-18-2007, 12:48 AM
What's pissing me off is he is 31 and has a 10 year old. He married his sons mom and the marriage lasted 5 years. So I don't understand why he is being so mean to me at 31 years old and he's already been through this.



Um, perhaps he doesn't want to repeat the experience?

Sweetie, this is a tough question but...did you get pregnant so he would marry you?

Sunshine73
11-18-2007, 12:50 AM
What's pissing me off is he is 31 and has a 10 year old. He married his sons mom and the marriage lasted 5 years. So I don't understand why he is being so mean to me at 31 years old and he's already been through this.



Um, perhaps he doesn't want to repeat the experience?

Sweetie, this is a tough question but...did you get pregnant so he would marry you?


Whatever the case, please think about the child and do what you feel in your heart is best for him/her.

Ivy1979
11-18-2007, 06:43 AM
Looks like we are not going to hear from the OP again........

242_fair
11-18-2007, 09:10 AM
Yes I bet we never hear from her again.

TigersMilk
11-18-2007, 09:12 AM
Well she just hasn't signed on since the 14th. Probably not though since there were posts saying things she didn't want to read.

Sindi
11-18-2007, 10:34 AM
You are assuming everyone can be Super Single-Mom, which simply is not the case.



...you leave me without words. Are they somehow beneath you because they are having problems with the men who fathered their child? Are you that disrespectful?



...you really are clueless. You think he should just shake off this situation because he's an adult? He already has one child, has had to be responsible for it to some degree, give up a portion of his waking life, and now he may have to do it again? Just because he's an adult doesn't mean his emotions and thoughts of his personal future are eradicated.



Clueless, disrespectful, AND pushy.


Chick , you are a fruit loop my dear . I have seen other posts that you make and I am always drawn to the same conclusion . You also extremely misread what I wrote but I am not surprised because again you are always a little wacko on here .


I am tempted to clarify what you MISquoted me on just in case in YOUR ignorance it may have come across to someone else that I offended them , someone who's opinion I would actually care about

StrawberrySwitchblade
11-18-2007, 11:01 AM
^^ Sure, dear. Whatever you say. :)

AudreyLeigh
11-18-2007, 01:40 PM
Chick , you are a fruit loop my dear

I LOVE Froot Loops ! MMMmmmmm Lucky Charms are my 2nd fav!

StrawberrySwitchblade
11-18-2007, 01:54 PM
^^ You like me! You really like me!

SundayMorning
11-18-2007, 02:09 PM
So she lied about something I think we can all agree was super important...
and he's an asshole for being pissed off and feeling manipulated...

All righty then.

ps - What like none of you have said horrible cutting things to people when you were pissed off and hurt?

Yes, and I was a jerk for saying them. I don't think anyone has said or implied that the boyfriend shouldn't FEEL the way he felt. Pretty much everyone here has said "yep I'd feel manipulated/lied to as well." Just that the way he expressed it was somewhere between unproductive at best and abusive at worst. Sure, we're all human, but we choose how we express our feelings and I think the way he chose to express his was jerklike.

That's all I feel qualified to say on the subject.

AudreyLeigh
11-18-2007, 02:17 PM
Can this thread just die already..... its so depressing yet Im compelled to read every new response that comes......

Nicolina
11-18-2007, 02:54 PM
I don't get it.

If the guy got so burned by his first experience with marriage and parenthood that he would respond this way to a GF's pregnancy.....Why didn't he get a vasectomy???? Why didn't he wear condoms as backup, even if he'd been told she was on the pill (which is not, as we know, 100% effective). At the very least...Why didn't he pull out???

Guys want the best of all possible worlds: They want the pleasure of fucking without latex, they want assurance that a woman they don't love or don't want to have kids with will let them fuck her and will take all the responsibility for preventing pregnancy, AND they want the "option" to have kids later, just in case they stop being miserable selfish bastards at some point in the future. And we're defending all this? WTF???

I'm not saying that the OP's decision to stop taking the pill was a good or responsible one, but it sounds as though she genuinely believed that she couldn't conceive, and didn't intend to get pregnant in order to "trap" him.

Other than that, she really hasn't given enough information about her meds or her relationship for me to judge the situation very well.

What does seem clear is that, even if the guy felt that he had been purposely deceived, his response has been unnecessarily cruel. Even if he was angry, and had no desire to be a parent to this child, he could have been a little kinder in his response. If he really cared for her, I think he would have.

Everyone keeps saying that they understand his response because he's been through this before and doesn't want to go through it again. While I can empathize with that to some extent...Guess what? There are ways that men can take responsibility for their own reproductive output. Why didn't he exercise any of those options, if he was so dead-against having anymore children ever???

As for what the OP should do: Seems like she may not check this thread but my advice would be to get rid of this guy, because he doesn't seem to be a particularly kind, caring, or understanding individual--at least not in his relationship with her.

If she wants to keep the baby, and her doctors say it is okay with the meds she's on, then she should do that.
If she wants to terminate the pregnancy, she should do that.
If she wants to take the pregnancy to term and give the child up for adoption, she should do that--but again, her medications and medical/health history should be taken into account.

They all have serious ramifications, but it's her choice. I just hope that, whatever decision she makes, she'll continue to feel, throughout her life, that she did the right thing. I wish her well.

p.s. Sorry, Audrey! I composed this before I read your last post. :-\

Dottie Rebel
11-18-2007, 03:00 PM
^^^So, like I said in my post, since my husband does NOT want a kid, he should be wearing condoms every time we have sex even though I'm on the pill--just in case?

Hatshepsut
11-18-2007, 03:05 PM
Like I said, we desperately need male birth control. EVERYBODY should be in control of their own fertility.

leilanicandy
11-18-2007, 03:14 PM
Like I said, we desperately need male birth control. EVERYBODY should be in control of their own fertility.

You are right ! There is male birthcontrol. It is out there but it is not yet avaible to the public. It is another option a man can take, it keeps them from being fertile for one year. We will proubarly see it next year.

NinaDaisy
11-18-2007, 03:17 PM
^^^So, like I said in my post, since my husband does NOT want a kid, he should be wearing condoms every time we have sex even though I'm on the pill--just in case?

I'm not sure that's what she was saying. You've both agreed to be childfree and have been married for years.

From the sound of if, things with the OP and her boyfriend weren't especially serious. I don't recall anything being written about the BF never wanting kids, so no need for a vasectomy either. It just seems like he didn't want kids with the OP.

Most of these "I'm pregnant, what do I do?" threads tend to veer into this territory almost every time. :(

Nicolina
11-18-2007, 03:24 PM
^^^So, like I said in my post, since my husband does NOT want a kid, he should be wearing condoms every time we have sex even though I'm on the pill--just in case?

Well, first of all, you guys are married, so the situation is very different. I assume that there is a lot more trust and accountability in your relationship. You are apparently both committed to a child-free lifestyle, and you plan to spend the rest of your lives together, so...You know, whatever works for both of you is perfect, and I would never tell you what you should or should not do within your committed relationship.

But if he never wants to have kids, I'm just curious - has he considered a vasectomy? (if this is too personal, forgive me, you don't have to answer.) If I were in your position, I might want us to consider this as a couple, since I have always had problems dealing with the side effects of the pill. Then again, if I were certain that I NEVER wanted to have children, I might consider other, more permanent options for myself (getting my tubes tied, etc).

But I'm not in that position, so I don't know.

I'm just saying that if guys in non-committed relationships want no strings attached sex with the most minimal possibility of complications like unwanted pregnancy (as this guy obviously did)...well, it would behoove them to take some extra precautions.

Nicolina
11-18-2007, 03:42 PM
From the sound of if, things with the OP and her boyfriend weren't especially serious. I don't recall anything being written about the BF never wanting kids, so no need for a vasectomy either. It just seems like he didn't want kids with the OP.

I agree with that, but other people kind of seemed to be jumping to the conclusion that he just didn't want anymore kids at all...So I was sort of overstating the case.


Most of these "I'm pregnant, what do I do?" threads tend to veer into this territory almost every time. :(

I usually stay away from these threads because the subject matter tends to upset me, so I didn't know. Sorry if I'm rehashing old arguments. :-[