View Full Version : WTF is it with the men these days!!! Rant
TheLioness
11-20-2007, 07:18 AM
First of all, he's 44. If he hasn't met enough women by now to be able to compare personalities, then he's been in a shell all his life.
2nd, I think it is definitely an intimidation thing. When we've been out, I've noticed men admiring you. Especially at V's, they would wait for you to go to the restroom before they would say something to me about you, because they were afraid to approach you. Remember the cute little guy that was sitting outside? He kept staring at you but he wouldn't come talk to you until I asked him if he wanted you to come outside lol. And you know he was all about you lol. They don't think you're unfriendly, I think they're just afraid of being rejected. You have a beautiful smile, by the way. You should use it more often :)
Book stores are great places to meet people actually. My comment was specific about MOVIE THEATERS. Not sure how that is gonna work outside of the PeeWee Herman example.
Gyms I leave alone because for one, my main gym is a very hardcore gym for competitive powerlifters and the like, we're not there to socialize. Two, because women tend to be very self conscious and all that at the gym, I'd just let them work out in peace for the most part.
Dating sites are full of normal people who are just behaving more couragously in the more forgiving environment.
It's a good thing for her she is intimidating. That is weeding out the guys with small balls. As a woman, there is no benefit to approaching a guy unless you just want to use his body for sex. Almost guranteed that a guy who doesn't have the courage to approach you and try his luck/skill is not going to satisfy you as a companion.
If anything, she should try to make herself seem even less approachable and go out in groups of girls instead of cruising bars alone(which I know she doesn't do anyway). Some guys will approach intimidatingly hot girls surrounded by their girlfriends. They are either going to be very sleazy, and you'll know easily, or they'll be really cool and confident and the caliber of guy you really want.
Asking him to focus only on you before you guys have ANYTHING serious going on is unrealistic and a bit crazy. How does he know anything with you is going to go anywhere? He would be an utter fool to always date one girl at a time, wasting tons of time he could be using to date other women and possibly find a better match or at least another match if the current girl decides she's had enough validation and free dinners from him.
Greenid acts like a lot of the women men are advised to avoid. Far too demanding of the men before there is any reason to be. This guy did NOTHING wrong. He was even honest about a difficult question MOST men would have lied about.
Chicagoeditor
11-20-2007, 08:34 AM
Some guys will approach intimidatingly hot girls surrounded by their girlfriends. They are either going to be very sleazy, and you'll know easily, or they'll be really cool and confident and the caliber of guy you really want.
Shot, I'm stunned. We've never met, yet and you describe me perfectly.
In point of fact, the ability to approach strangers, including great-looking female strangers, is nothing more than a long-time reporters' (or strippers') trick of the trade. It falls into the same category as magic tricks--another one of my dubious skills.
snoopy
11-20-2007, 08:35 AM
i really hate to say it but sh0t actually makes a lot of good/true points.
it's his delivery that sucks-ass. :P
many women here will say/suggest to date more than one guy, and why not?
what's the chances she gets the "right" guy and then investing all that time and energy into him if he's not the "right one". she would've wasted a lot of time, emotional-effort/heartbreak, money, etc. into a dead-end relationship. many can definitely relate to that (this is also based upon my personal experiences and from what i've read here).
now substitute the "he" and "she" pronouns above with each other, that's what sh0t is basically saying.
in fact, that's how i often approach and read many of the threads here (and elsewhere). it's sort of gives me the opposite view. i've learned (the hard way) not to be myopic in my view on life. first, it's not realistic. second, it gives me a chance (or advantage) on things that i might have otherwise missed.
So, I went out on my last date with the guy I mentioned a few times on here Thursday night. I asked him if he was still on match and he said he was and I asked him if he was still looking and he said he was. He said he had seen others and probably would continue to do so. He said his theory was if he dated multiple women he would have something to "compare" them to and know for sure whether or not he wanted to pursue a LTR with them or not. He said at his age, 44, he doesn't have much time. Okay, that's BULLSHIT in my opinion. He wanted me to make out with him and even had the guts to ask me to stay with him. I told him no. The next day I told him I wasn't going to see him anymore. I don't want to be "compared" with someone else for him to figure out whether I'm right for him or not.
Men, by their nature and biology, want to keep their options open and spread their genetics around as much as possible. Not very smart of him to say that to you however.
So, then my ex boyfriend calls and wants to come see me in the middle of the night, WTF!!!
Booty call!
I mean, do I look like I need to get laid? Do I look like I have trouble in that department, c'mon.
As I have not seen a pic of you I can't comment there, but I have had ex's pay me a booty call and I didn't take it as an insult per se, but then I'm a guy...
So, today I was just looking back through match and men on there were talking about how they'd like to meet a wild woman and on plentyoffish.com men said if they didn't get laid by the third date they were out of the picture.
I'll admit to having one night stands and fuck buddy sorts of relationships before but that's not what I want now.
I guess make that very clear on your profile and responses to the men you make contact with and hope that weeds a few of the 'players' out.
those relationships didn't work out for me and I got too emotional. I don't want to do that again. My ex hubby and I dated four months before we had sex. He waited. WTF is wrong these days, are times changing that much? Hell, I'll just stay single before I become someone's fucking whore, geezzz.....
Well we were talking about the common 3 date rule some boys have (not worthy of being called men) in another thread, but I forget which thread it was now. People are fu*% today plain and simple, men and women, just in different ways.
Men, by their nature and biology, want to keep their options open and spread their genetics around as much as possible. Not very smart of him to say that to you however.
Why? Would you rather he lied to her so we could get a new thread in 2 weeks time about how he lied to her?
Telling the truth is smart. If the chick doesn't like it, she can hit the bricks.
Women also aren't dumb, they can usually tell when a guy is lying or at least not being totally honest.
And fuck you, "not worthy of being called men". You just said that telling her the truth was not smart? You must advocate lying then. Guys who adhere to the three date rule are being quite rational considering how in most cases,if you don't have sex early on, it NEVER happens and thus, the guy has wasted his time.
Why? Would you rather he lied to her so we could get a new thread in 2 weeks time about how he lied to her?
There are various types of lies and various reasons for doing it. We all di it every day of our lives and society and indivuals would not survive without it. In this particular case, one does not need to make another feel like shit and should simply be more tactful about it, such as “I am not looking for a relationship right now and want to keep it casual” type approach to let her know your goals may not match up to hers without telling her you are comparing her like a new car to other girls per se. We lie to prevent hurting others every day, or lie to keep from all manner of problems. That’s a fact. When my GF says “do I look OK in this dress” and in my mind I am not digging it, I don’t say “it looks terrible on you” I say “I think that blue thing you have looks better and really compliments your shape.” There are lies and then there are lies…
Telling the truth is smart. If the chick doesn't like it, she can hit the bricks.
I agree, but say they had a date and he thought she was an ugly fat pig and dint want to dater her again, should he say (a) you are an ugly fat pig and I am not interested or (b) you seem very nice but you are really not my type? Both have the same result, but one does not result in making the person feel like shit. If you chose A, then you are a far more honest man than I am
Women also aren't dumb, they can usually tell when a guy is lying or at least not being totally honest.
Some can and some can’t and some learn to after being played a bunch of times.
And fuck you, "not worthy of being called men".
And fu** you too.
You just said that telling her the truth was not smart? You must advocate lying then.
I suppose I am and we have all done it. But there are all manner of lies, and some of them are required and or much nicer to the people we interact with and some are destructive.
Guys who adhere to the three date rule are being quite rational considering how in most cases, if you don't have sex early on, it NEVER happens and thus, the guy has wasted his time.
That’s your view point or experience. Never had any trouble making it happen after 3 dates myself and yes, I think guys with 3 date rules are A-holes and are not worthy of being called men. Have I dated girls I just wanted to hit it? Absolutely, but that was clearly their intention for me also, so it’s all good there…waste of time? If I go out and have some fun, decent conversation with an attractive chick, go dancing, etc, I don’t consider it a waste of time at all. If at some point it ends with sex, awesome, but no time was “wasted” spending an evening in the company of a chick, unless the date itself sucked, and that’s another issue…
All that fluff talk in the beginning is worthless man. Keep it real or nothing. Green has the problem, not the guy for being honest. The more people tell her the truth, the better off she'll be.
The rest of it is you confusing the issue. She asked him a direct question, he gave an honest answer. He didn't offer it up to be rude. If somebody ASKS me if I think they are fat, I will tell them honestly. If they don't ask, I just won't bring it up.
I can't advocate lying to anybody, especially to men dating. I think it's better to get laid while keeping your integrity, PLUS it's counter-productive anyway. "Nice lies" are an oxymoron. Tools of the weak-willed.
It's not my experience, because I don't go on dates to begin with. I think sex should precede dating. But for guys who prefer the courtship model, the 3 date thing is grounded in sense. Chicks WILL waste their time. It's not a cliche without reason. They can't all be studs like you, so they have to operate in a less than ideal situation. It's not being an asshole to not want to waste your time.
Men should definitely adhere to it and women should be well aware of it. Guys with choice, the ones women REALLY want, will very rarely wait long. They have no reason to. They may answer your calls in the future, but like the guy in the OP, they will be dating[fucking] others. And god bless them for doing so and not putting up with crazy chicks.
And god bless them for doing so and not putting up with crazy chicks.
Hence the title of this thread…no comments required from me…/:O
Good luck Shot. I will continue with how I conduct my business and you yours. ;)
xdamage
11-20-2007, 11:11 AM
I had to admit, I'm not seeing why his being honest about wanting to date around is contentious. Unless he suggested to begin with that he was exclusively seeing her, exclusivity early on in a relationship is not a given. It can be discussed, but should not be assumed. And at least she knows exactly what she is dealing with, and can decide for herself if she wants to continue or not with this guy.
Chicagoeditor
11-20-2007, 11:14 AM
...Sex should precede dating.
That's a bumper sticker.
I had to admit, I'm not seeing why his being honest about wanting to date around is contentious.
I agree, my point was simply about tact. There’s a tactful way of saying it (and yes, honestly is the best policy) and there is a not so tactful way of saying it. It was my impression he took a less than tactful approach to it.
I could be wrong and making something from nothing and she’s just pissed he’s looking to stay away from commitments and get his freak on with as many gals as he can.}:D
xdamage
11-20-2007, 11:23 AM
I agree, my point was simply about tact. There’s a tactful way of saying it (and yes, honestly is the best policy) and there is a not so tactful way of saying it. It was my impression he took a less than tactful approach to it.
I could be wrong and making something from nothing and she’s just pissed he’s looking to stay away from commitments and get his freak on with as many gals as he can.}:D
Okay, now I understand better where you two are disagreeing... Thanks.
NinaDaisy
11-20-2007, 11:45 AM
Why? Would you rather he lied to her so we could get a new thread in 2 weeks time about how he lied to her?
Telling the truth is smart. If the chick doesn't like it, she can hit the bricks.
Women also aren't dumb, they can usually tell when a guy is lying or at least not being totally honest.
And fuck you, "not worthy of being called men". You just said that telling her the truth was not smart? You must advocate lying then. Guys who adhere to the three date rule are being quite rational considering how in most cases,if you don't have sex early on, it NEVER happens and thus, the guy has wasted his time.
Hey, I agree on most of your points. Except for the three date rule one.
My last boyfriend and I waited almost four months until we had sex, and the one before that (who I spent six years with) we waited a month, but spent essentially every single day and night together leading up to it. So the third date "rule" is a crock of shit.
How long are you going to make me wait?
And it's not a crock of shit. Your one anecdotal example doesn't change the general applicability of it.
For guys, it is one of the few dating "rules of thumb" that is worth following.
Sitri
11-20-2007, 12:16 PM
Hey, I agree on most of your points. Except for the three date rule one.
My last boyfriend and I waited almost four months until we had sex, and the one before that (who I spent six years with) we waited a month, but spent essentially every single day and night together leading up to it. So the third date "rule" is a crock of shit.
Which leads to the question, "So, how did it work out?"
Did this just prove his point?
How long are you going to make me wait?
And it's not a crock of shit. Your one anecdotal example doesn't change the general applicability of it.
For guys, it is one of the few dating "rules of thumb" that is worth following.
If getting into as much vag as possible is the goal, seems as good a rule of thumb as any.
Best way to find a great woman is to go through hundreds of them.
Chicagoeditor
11-20-2007, 12:42 PM
^^Hundreds? Checking my calendar. Tisk, tisk. This is going to take some logistics and careful planning.
Even a conversative estimate of just MEETING one new girl a week means hundreds in a few years.
NinaDaisy
11-20-2007, 01:05 PM
Best way to find a great woman is to go through hundreds of them.
Like Kleenex?
NinaDaisy
11-20-2007, 01:08 PM
Which leads to the question, "So, how did it work out?"
Did this just prove his point?
No, he's talking about putting out by the third date. I was talking about how just because a woman doesn't by the third date doesn't mean she won't. And incidentally, after I gave it up I fucked both of these guy quite often.
Things tapered down at around year 4 with the previous one though...
But no, it certainly doesn't prove his "point".
Chicagoeditor
11-20-2007, 01:09 PM
Even a conversative estimate of just MEETING one new girl a week means hundreds in a few years.
Shot, you're being disingenuous here, given that you clearly believe sex is key to judging a woman's worth in your world. Obviously, therefore, just "meeting" won't do, not by half.
First off, you are misrepresenting my world view. I speak for myself quite well, why do people keep on insisting on stating "my" views incorrectly? And I have never said anything even close to sex being key to judging a woman's worth. Even in this very thread I have said several times "sex is not a big deal."
Secondly, I said just meeting specifically to make the sexual part more conversative. Obviously, you won't sleep with every woman you meet.
Best way to find a great woman is to go through hundreds of them.
Well hell, you will not even get their name much less get to know how great they are at that rate, but sounds like a lot of fun and many guys would envy it, so carry on with your bad self. ;)
xdamage
11-20-2007, 03:59 PM
Sh0T and I have different goals in life, but you guys are reading stuff into his words he isn't saying. Besides, he is not the kind of guy women should have trouble reading. If he is as honest as he says he is, then no woman should have trouble reading his "dating" intentions.
francescadubois
11-20-2007, 04:45 PM
Shot, you're being disingenuous here, given that you clearly believe sex is key to judging a woman's worth in your world. Obviously, therefore, just "meeting" won't do, not by half.
I think that your statement sums it up perfectly when it comes to our good friend.
greenidlady1
11-20-2007, 05:20 PM
Okay to make things clear here my ultimate complaint is that I can't find a man that doesn't want to get laid almost immediately. I am at the point in my life now where I want to know someone before having sex with them. I also don't want to be a "booty call". Just like some men are entitled to want to have sex as soon as they meet a woman I am entitled to want to wait. I am aggravated because I keep running into men that want sex immediately. I want to date someone who wants to know me first as a person.
greenidlady1
11-20-2007, 05:31 PM
First of all, he's 44. If he hasn't met enough women by now to be able to compare personalities, then he's been in a shell all his life.
2nd, I think it is definitely an intimidation thing. When we've been out, I've noticed men admiring you. Especially at V's, they would wait for you to go to the restroom before they would say something to me about you, because they were afraid to approach you. Remember the cute little guy that was sitting outside? He kept staring at you but he wouldn't come talk to you until I asked him if he wanted you to come outside lol. And you know he was all about you lol. They don't think you're unfriendly, I think they're just afraid of being rejected. You have a beautiful smile, by the way. You should use it more often :)
Aww, thanks:hug:
lestat1
11-20-2007, 05:37 PM
Okay to make things clear here my ultimate complaint is that I can't find a man that doesn't want to get laid almost immediately. I am at the point in my life now where I want to know someone before having sex with them. I also don't want to be a "booty call". Just like some men are entitled to want to have sex as soon as they meet a woman I am entitled to want to wait. I am aggravated because I keep running into men that want sex immediately. I want to date someone who wants to know me first as a person.
Well *wanting* to have sex right away and *expecting* sex right away are different. Many (dare I say most?) men want the sex, but are perfectly willing to wait for it. Maybe the litmus test should be "will he wait?" rather than "does he want to have sex?"
madmaxine
11-20-2007, 06:56 PM
Why are women so squeamish about admitting that sexual compatibility is a huge factor to maintaining a good romantic relationship? & I know someone will chime in "STDs" as a reason to NOT use sex as a screening tool, but hey, I've been sleeping around for years with the use of condoms and pills and no ill has come to me from casual sex. YES anecdotal but anyway..."You gotta break some eggs to make an omlette."
Edit to add- I read greenidlady1's post about being tired of dealing with sexual pressure. Well, unfortunately, guys are just wired that way. Be happy you get that reaction- they drop chase in a nanosecond when they lose that impulse. Some guys are just better at hiding the urge than others....
xdamage
11-20-2007, 11:32 PM
Okay to make things clear here my ultimate complaint is that I can't find a man that doesn't want to get laid almost immediately. I am at the point in my life now where I want to know someone before having sex with them. I also don't want to be a "booty call". Just like some men are entitled to want to have sex as soon as they meet a woman I am entitled to want to wait. I am aggravated because I keep running into men that want sex immediately. I want to date someone who wants to know me first as a person.
Hold out for what you want then. Nothing wrong with that. I guess there is an argument to be made that most of those types of guy are already taken? or desperate? or overlooked?
Or is there any chance that you are sub-consciously picking guys who are not looking for commitments/serious-relationships? As Sh0t does point out (in a not PC way), there are a lot of guys that due to good looks, alpha-maleness, money, fame, whatever, have a lot of sexual opportunities and aren't the types that are going to limit that to just one woman as long as they have opportunities to be with many. I mean anything can happen, but the odds of it happening the way you want are less with some types who basically want sex first, then later may (MAY) grow to decide you are "the one".
StuartL
11-21-2007, 04:48 AM
There are a lot of points made here, which I plan to avoid completely, save one ... francescadubois seems to talk such sense on these threads.
In my opinion, you may seem difficult to approach. As a normal guy, I always found it hard to approach any female at random, but over time I have dealt with that. Then I found it hard to approach really attractive women. Over time, I have largely got over that too.
When I am chatting to some 'hottie' I just get down to business and ask, 'Are you single?' and they almost always say yes. Why? As far as I can tell, it is simply because most men cannot get over their nerves and approach really attractive women. These days, I only ever start conversations with attractive girls, because oddly, it seems much easier.
Of course, there are then issues about the standards that truly high self esteem girls set for everyone around them - and my relationships have floundered when they find out that I wasn't joking and I really am NOT perfect...
As far as I can tell, if you are an average looking guy, who can hold a conversation and make people laugh - there are bazillions of attractive girls out there for you. But if you are an attractive girl, the number of guys that can actually approach you, deal with you and that you can respect is pretty limited. It doesn't seem that way at first, but that seems to be the reality.
Of course, I am speaking from experience in the UK and Belgium - not the USA.
Good luck to you Greenid
SportsWriter2
11-21-2007, 02:03 PM
Yo, Sh0t. You hang out here long enough and they start spray-painting you pink. Let madmaxine set it all straight.
safado
11-21-2007, 05:33 PM
Okay to make things clear here my ultimate complaint is that I can't find a man that doesn't want to get laid almost immediately. I am at the point in my life now where I want to know someone before having sex with them. I also don't want to be a "booty call". Just like some men are entitled to want to have sex as soon as they meet a woman I am entitled to want to wait. I am aggravated because I keep running into men that want sex immediately. I want to date someone who wants to know me first as a person.
If you gain about 50-100lbs you should not have this problem any more
NinaDaisy
11-21-2007, 06:01 PM
Why are women so squeamish about admitting that sexual compatibility is a huge factor to maintaining a good romantic relationship? & I know someone will chime in "STDs" as a reason to NOT use sex as a screening tool, but hey, I've been sleeping around for years with the use of condoms and pills and no ill has come to me from casual sex. YES anecdotal but anyway..."You gotta break some eggs to make an omlette."
Edit to add- I read greenidlady1's post about being tired of dealing with sexual pressure. Well, unfortunately, guys are just wired that way. Be happy you get that reaction- they drop chase in a nanosecond when they lose that impulse. Some guys are just better at hiding the urge than others....
I definitely agree with you that sexual compatibility is indeed a huge factor for maintaining a romantic relationship.
The thing about STD's though, is that there are just too many dumb bitches out there who will fuck guys without condoms. Then they go on the pill 2 months after they've been dating because they're "in love" and no one gets tested for anything.
Also, and I can personally attest to this, some women have a fear of getting too attached to a guy after sex if it's really good and not have him reciprocate how they feel. I really liked the last boyfriend I had before we had sex, but once we did, four months into dating, that motherfucker totally dickmatized me and my IQ regarding him must have dropped about 80 points. Fuckin' oxytocin...
I think also a lot of women have this ingrained shame about "their number" being "too high" and that also keeps them from fucking more guys they wanna fuck.
Mars and Venus, ya know?