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lildreamer316
11-28-2007, 12:54 AM
You will be fine. I promise. I was exactly where you were, four years ago. We were renting, he was djing, I was dancing. No savings, no insurance. I did not know I was pregnant until I was FIVE months along. Really.
Medicaid (welfare) was a bit trying to get on to, but they were WONDERFUL to me in the hospital! Treated me like gold, I NEVER felt like a 'poor' person, it was so very nice. I got a great pediatrician (they provided), and the obgyn both at the hospital and at the county health place were both very nice to me.
Try to relax. I hate to assume about people,but maybe this is your time to do this. It was mine, and it couldn't have been better timed.
I now have a rent-free house and the father of my child by my side, who is a wonderful daddy.
And a beautiful, almost four year old boy. Who wants for nothing.
It will be ok. And you are going to love it....

phillyvixen
11-29-2007, 09:28 AM
*Continuing TJ*
I'm getting the co sleeper, Our mattress is too soft and my hubby is too sound of a sleeper to put her in the middle. I'll have her directly next to me in her own little bed. This should make Breastfeeding a lot easier then a bassinet.

AlexxaHex
11-29-2007, 03:11 PM
That's the same deal we have...the mattress is REALLY hard so your babe might not like it. Just a heads up.

VenusGoddess
11-29-2007, 04:39 PM
*Continuing TJ*
I'm getting the co sleeper, Our mattress is too soft and my hubby is too sound of a sleeper to put her in the middle. I'll have her directly next to me in her own little bed. This should make Breastfeeding a lot easier then a bassinet.

The co-sleeper was the only place that Adrian would sleep the first few months. He woke up so easily (light sleeper like his dad) that every move or twitch, roll, or whatever and he woke up. I got the co-sleeper and he slept just fine. NOW, though, he prefers to sleep in our bed. Can't win. ;)

There is one thing I do not like about the co-sleeper and that's the fact that the baby's bed is a little lower than your, so you can't just drop the side and slide them over, you actually have to twist and pick them up and over. That wouldn't be so bad, but Adrian ended up being a big baby (he was out of it completely by the time he was 3 1/2 - 4 months) and it just killed my back.

There is another thing they make that we used with Makayla and it's called a Snuggle Nest (http://www.amazon.com/Deluxe-Snuggle-Nest-Blue-Sheet/dp/B0001Y9VN2). It has hard plastic molded sides (but a little padding on the inner area where baby sleeps). You absolutely cannot roll over on baby...not at all. You can slide baby up between the pillows and when baby wakes to nurse at night, you just pull the little thin mattress down, nurse him/her, and then gently slide it back up. The hard plastic molded surround makes it possible for baby to sleep in your bed without having to worry about if the bed is too soft.

I used the Snuggle Nest with Makayla and I loved it. I will buy a new one for the new baby and just retire the co-sleeper.

RoseWhite
11-29-2007, 06:19 PM
^^^ OOOH, I want that! How well does it work for naps? That's my one 'dumb question' about co-sleeping. Once the babe is more mobile, pulling themselves up and crawling and such, what do you do if they're napping solo? The Snuggle Nest looks like it'd work for solo naptime when they're more larval (I mean that in the best possible way), but bigger babies could get away from that pretty easily, couldn't they?

(We've really threadjacked here, heh.)

VenusGoddess
11-30-2007, 07:58 AM
Well, with my kids, they preferred sleeping in whatever room I was in. I just put the sleeper on the floor of the living room and went about my work. With Adrian, he usually takes his naps in his crib (his choice). Makayla likes to sack out on the couch...every once in a while, she'll go to her bed.

I wouldn't advise using the Snuggle Nest with the baby in a big bed alone. I did that with Makayla and learned later on that she knew how to crawl (by crawling off the bed). It does work well when you go other places, though, and baby has trouble sleeping in strange environments. This is familiar to them, so regardless of the bed, they are familiar with the nest and can sleep easier.

I highly, highly recommend the Snuggle Nest. It's even a lot cheaper than the co-sleeper (and more compact).

Clara_M
11-30-2007, 09:24 AM
Quick note - I have to run off, but I wanted to add my two cents...

I don't know - this is strictly hearsay and from newspapers, as I don't live in the U.S.... but aren't there anti-abortion groups that will do all sorts of things to convince you not to abort? Any way to hit them up? You'll probably get an evangelical lecture to go with, but maybe it's a thought.

I also understand that they can't turn you away at the hospital if you're about to give birth... so worst case, well... they get to figure out how to collect later.

That being said, I personally wouldn't want a hospital birth, but I'd settle for it if I couldn't afford a midwife.

AudreyLeigh
11-30-2007, 12:25 PM
I'll just say this... My ER bill is not going to be cheap. I asked when I got there about help paying and the hospital has a charity set up to pay all or a portion of the bill for uninsured individuals. So if you dont have insurance you may be able to go that route if you get insurance that pays for all the appointments but not the actual birth. Id call around to some hospitals and see if they have a program that helps pay the bill. Mine should be paid in full and I got a guestimate of around $10K. Good luck babe and youre in my thoughts.

PhillyDancer1982
12-27-2007, 11:15 AM
I KNOW this is a somewhat old post...but I was writing about my own experience with pregnancy, so I figured I'd add my advice and feedback.


My bf is self-employed as a painter, and obviously I do this. Money between us is good but not consistent, especially for him. He makes anywhere from $400-$1200 a week, I make anywhere between $1500-$2500. I have only a few grand saved as of now (I was going to use it for a car, but it looks like that'll have to wait). I used the money I made from dancing this year to get out of the debt I was in.

In all honesty, that is not bad money at all. Basically you are saying that you guys make a minimum of ~$2000? That is much higher than the average household income for families...you guys are doing good!

The fact that you have any savings at all at your age is commendable, let alone a few grand. Yeah that few grand will go quick, but at least you know you have it! Also, I am happy that you paid off your debt. Debt compounds, so it is always better to get out of debt sooner than later, esp if you decide to keep this kid! It sounds to me like you are fairly sound with your money.

The only concerns that I have are, how high are your bills? $2000/week sounds like enough to live on and support a kid with, but not if you're paying, say, $3000/mo for your place and taking a limo everywhere, if you know what I mean.



Neither one of our parents can insure us. I REALLY don't want to go on welfare. I hear it is the shittiest doctors, etc.

OMG I can relate!! When I was pregnant, I didn't have insurance either(ironically, I became pregnant right around the time I had just started shopping around for insurance plans! talk about bad timing!). A lot of people were opposed to me having the kid because they underestimated me(being underestimated seems to be the story of my life :-(), and they claimed that I should go on Medicaid/welfare. I was like, "Fuck that!!!!" because for one thing I am not a Socialist, and for another, I had too much pride. I had gone from rock-bottom destitute to making $1500/week in less than a year and was happy to be more accomplished...I wanted to feel like I was moving ahead, and being dependent on taxpayer money was NOT going to make me feel like I'd accomplished anything! So I praise you for your anti-welfare thoughts.

I don't know what the welfare program is like in your state, but in mine(PA), I don't think it's all that bad. I think most "regular" doctors/clinics accept welfare insurance. But anyway...


I can't not get insurance, because supposedly to have birth in a hospital costs 35G's. Not exactly something I want to pay cash for.

Again, I can relate! But I don't think hospital costs are as high as $35,000. Again, what state do you live in? I live in PA. The Philly area hospitals are a rip-off enough, but they usually charge about $8-10,000 for a normal vaginal delivery. C-section deliveries, however, usually cost more money, sometimes $15-20,000. Hospitals work out payment plans though, and some hospitals give you a discount if you pay the full amount early.

I do agree with you not wanting to pay cash for this. Most times uninsured cash paying patients get shafted. They end up paying overinflated medical costs. Doctors and hospitals purposely overinflate medical costs because the insurance companies only negotiate to pay a % of the cost, so the higher they raise the cost, the higher that % is that they receive. So basically the uninsured cash paying patients who are too poor or unable to get health insurance, are stuck paying MORE MONEY than the health insurance companies!...fucked up, isn't it?!


What I want to do it get health insurance. The question is, will they even approve me for it? I am healthy otherwise (besides having prescription contacts), but is being pregnant a pre-existing condition?? Will they turn me down just because I'm pregnant?

Here's my insurance advice to you:

* Yes, pregnancy is a pre-existing condition. Yes, individual healthcare plans will turn you down for insurance because you are pregnant. It would not be in the insurance company's best interest to take on a pregnant woman, since the costs of prenatal care and delivery are so expensive. You can try, but it'll probably just frustrate you(trust me, I've been there!)

* There are programs such as Maternity Card, which is a PPO designed for uninsured pregnant women so that they can get discounts on prenatal care and hospital visits. HOWEVER, do not purchase this scam. I was considering the Maternity Card for myself until I read their Better Business Bureau profile, which is VERY unsatisfactory. Many many people have lodged complaints against Maternity Card for being a scam, since they pay $100/mo for it and almost no doctors accept Maternity Card, so they end up not even getting any discount. A lot of other discount programs are similar scams. My friend was selling AmeriPlan discount healthcare program a few years ago, and they are not as much of a scam as Maternity Card, but I found them to be rather useless.

* DO look into birthing centers as an alternative to hospitals and traditional clinics. Birthing centers specialize in prenatal care and delivery. They are a lot cheaper than hospitals, because they are no-frills places that will give you basic care. When I was pregnant, I found one outside my city of Philadelphia that charged only $6000 for the entire pregnancy!...and if you paid the full price prior to your 7th month of pregnancy, they gave you a 10% discount! :)

* Here's another good idea that many people overlook: Get a job that provides group healthcare benefits. Most group healthcare plans DO cover preexisting conditions(but look into this just to be sure). Do you have training or experience in a particular "real job" field?...Go out there and look for a job in that field so that you can get steady hours, steady income, and benefits within the next 6 months(that'll leave you paying for prenatal care up until then on your own, but at least the behemoth hospital delivery bills will be covered).

If you don't want to commit to a full-time job or you don't have training in a field, then I'd recommend applying to Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. They consistently make the Forbes 100 list of top places to work, because they are renown for their excellent benefits package. You are eligible for their group health insurance plan if you work an average of 20hrs/week. You can easily work 20 hrs in only a few shifts per week, and still have time to dance to earn the bulk of your income! Plus, you'd have a small source of income available during those late pregnancy months when you're able to work but unable to dance.



I don't want to have an abortion. I don't want this to be an option for me. I mean, I'm not young/helpless, I'm not broke, I have a means of great money, this isn't a rape or some random guy I fucked. My bf is the love of my life and I don't think I could abort OUR child, you know what I mean? The person I want to marry, etc. I don't think I could live with myself if I had an abortion. I am an adult and I want to take responsibility for my actions.

OMG that is EXACTLY how I felt when I was pregnant! Like you, I felt that abortion was mostly wrong, unless it was in the event of rape, extreme poverty, or the mother being extremely young(e.g., 13 yrs old). I felt that it would be wrong for me to knowingly engage in sex(even though we did use protection, but it failed) and then feel entitled to get an abortion.

Now in my situation I hadn't been dating the guy nearly as long as you've probably been with your guy, but I still didn't feel that my lack of a superserious relationship should be reason to commit abortion when I was a full-grown 20something with a college degree and decent money.



I'm scared because I don't know anything about health insurance, or having a kid. My boyfriend is scared because he thinks that we will not be able to afford it. He says it might ruin our lives and we will be in poverty. Is this true?? He says he would want the kid, but that we are young and he is scared we will not be able to provide for it.

Hun, it's okay not to know everything...you will learn these things over time if you put forth the effort to ask questions, read up on things, and basically work hard. It'll be a learning experience, but that's okay. I've heard from a lot of unplanned parents that once you have the motivation/drive to care for this child, you will be able to put your mind to anything and everything else will fall into place. Things have a funny way of sometimes working out like that lol.

As far as your boyfriend saying that you guys will "ruin your lives" financially by having a kid...WTF? It's not like you guys are 16-yr-old "babies" still in high school. As you've mentioned before, you guys are full grown adults. You guys make decent money. If I were you, I'd feel slightly insulted by his comment. When I was pregnant, a lot of people said that "ruin my life" comment to me, and a year later when I *DID* have health insurance and a stable full-time job, another guy said it to me(I wrote a thread about this earlier today). It hurt my feelings because it made me feel belittled and devalued, and it made me feel like they were not viewing me to be as mature, capable, and empowering as I know I can be.


I need opinions of mothers on here: How expensive ARE kids?? Is there any kind of insurance I could get, and does anyone have recommendations or how much would it cost? How did you do it??

I don't claim to know everything about kids, since I've never had any(my aforementioned pregnancy ended in miscarriage). But I did read a lot of forums when I was pregnant, and the consensus seemed to be: first year costs for a baby are around $5000. However, you can cut corners by buying baby equipment at a thrift store, or on clearance, or borrowing used items from a friend or relative. You can also save a lot of money by breast feeding...and if you have breast implants, I've heard that breast feeding will make your breasts even softer and more natural looking than ever! :) (That's just one of the reasons why I'm planning to breastfeed someday)

How to do it: You already have a good start because you have savings and you make good money. The best advice I can give is to keep working hard as you're already doing, urge your boyfriend to work overtime or get another job on the side, and budget budget budget. Stop eating out at restaurants(but don't skimp on nutrition though! you'll need it). Buy a used Honda Civic instead of the brand new BMW Z4. You get the idea. BUDGET AND PLAN!! Draw up a budget for the months that you'll be pregnant, so that you'll know how much you'll need to put aside for living expenses during the time that you will not be able to dance. Planning is very important...but don't plan out everything so meticulously that you stress out...stressing was the big mistake that I made, and no wonder I miscarried.

I'd suggest dancing for about 4.5 months into your pregnancy, but to be honest, this time frame varies with each woman. It depends on how much you are showing. If it's your first full-term pregnancy, then you're in luck: generally women who have not had full pregnancies before will not show as soon as women who've had previous children before. It also depends on the rigor of the job and what your club allows. It also depends on your state of health and how you're feeling. When you start to show slightly, wear babydoll outfits that hide a bulging belly. You should work for as long as you can before you get too big, but don't feel the need to overwork to the point that you stress out. Remember, stress is not good for the baby! Also, stressing will not help you make more money...it might result in guys sensing your desperation and not tipping you as much. So try to work as long as you can, but remember to RELAX and don't think too much about money...you have savings and credit, right?

During this time, be sure to save money to put aside for the 4-6 months that you will not be able to dance. You already have savings, which is good. Keep saving!

As I mentioned before, try to line up a job that offers health insurance to provide benefits and part-time income alongside dancing, and to have as income during the months(months 5-9) that you won't be able to dance, and for the first few months after you give birth.

Now here's some nutritional/health advice: I'd suggest eating a nutritious, high-protein, but low fat diet. Things like a salad with grilled chicken would be good. You will want to eat a lot more and make sure you take all your prenatal vitamins and eat nutrient-rich foods, BUT that does not mean you should eat junk food or high fat foods. Also, make sure you get good exercise. Consult a trainer, book, or website on the exercises that are appropriate to do at different stages of pregnancy so that you do not harm the baby. By getting exercise and eating a low fat diet, it'll help you to avoid putting on too much weight, which will help you to be able to dance for a little longer.


I KNOW there have been worse off women than me though. i want to do this but I'm really scared. What should I do

It's ultimately up to you. It sounds like you're strongly considering keeping the baby, but you're mostly concerned about finances and insurance. These are valid concerns, and the exact same concerns that I had when I was in your position. Personally I would not get an abortion, but it is ultimately your choice so I cannot judge. I would spend some time confiding in friends, and perhaps visiting Planned Parenthood for any kind of prenatal counselling. Sometimes being provided with information and answers can help you to feel a lot more at ease, so that everything isn't "up in the air" with uncertainty. I do not know everything about this, but hopefully I gave one or two good pointers. Good luck!

Circe
12-27-2007, 05:10 PM
^Eating low fat is actually really bad nutritional advice and especially harmful for a pregnant woman. You need a good percentage of healthy fats to function properly.

VenusGoddess
12-27-2007, 05:33 PM
^ Agreed. Low fat "diets" during pregnancy cause problems.

Eating fats during pregnancy is ESSENTIAL to the growing baby! The only catch is that you need to know your good fats from your bad fats. Avocados are GOOD fats...french fries are BAD fats.

Eat plenty of fruits, veggies, lean protein, good fats and carbs...and you won't have anything to worry about. It's all about quality, not quantity (of course, that DOES mean that you should not double your portion sizes. Just make more healthy choices).

Kaylinn
12-27-2007, 06:36 PM
Umm....This thread was bumped up...but the OP no longer pregnant.....

PhillyDancer1982
12-28-2007, 09:31 AM
^Eating low fat is actually really bad nutritional advice and especially harmful for a pregnant woman. You need a good percentage of healthy fats to function properly.

I understand that you need some fat in your diet to properly function during pregnancy...I'm not as naive as people think okay...but I read a few articles that stated that a lot of pregnant women eat TOO MUCH fattening foods during pregnancy and that isn't good. VenusGoddess is absolutely right when she says that avocados(which have vitamins and nutrients) are a GOOD kind of fat, but fries are a BAD kind of fat. Basically what I meant to say is, to avoid eating a lot of junk food. Of course some nutritious foods are going to contain a natural amount of fat.

PhillyDancer1982
12-28-2007, 09:31 AM
Umm....This thread was bumped up...but the OP no longer pregnant.....

No? I hope I don't sound out of the loop or nosy but...what happened? (Sorry this is new to me)

Kaylinn
12-28-2007, 11:30 AM
She said in another post she chose to have an abortion.

PhillyDancer1982
12-28-2007, 11:51 AM
Okay thanks for filling me in.