View Full Version : should i tell the wife?
pookie
11-27-2007, 12:22 PM
being a lesbian and doing drugs is just as bad as fucking a married man.
So now you are insulting lesbians saying they are bad?
im just saying dont act like im the only one doing bad things.
This isn't about us,this is about your situations. its not about whether you are bad or not,its about stepping out of a marriage you dont belong in
ya i like to argue,but to prove a point,my point is,he did wrong i did wrong,so now i have to move on and not get anything out of this,but being hurt?
Yes, it sad but those are the consequences of your choices.
no i dont think so,he doesnt deserve to get away with it.
no, he doesn't but this is why there is karma
he doesnt have kids if he did then i def would have never have fucked him,and if i did i woudnt tell the wife.
So does this mean its ok to have an affair with any married man who doesn't have kids? i think you need to reevaluate some of your thoughts
yall are the ones who are crazy saying its ok for him to get away with it!
nodody said they wanted him to get away with it. they said that YOU should NOT tell his wife
wait until your man cheats on you,and your walking around living your life like nothing ever happened. would you let you man get away with it?
i think you need to step back and calm down. you ask for peoples input. whether or not you like what we say, we are trying to give you what WE think is the BEST advice that we can give you. Which maybe different than what you may have anticipate.
and why get mad when i say drugs and being gay us bad? because you think its not,i think scewing a married man is bad,i own up to that mistake,ill never do it again.
this isnt about people who do drugs or are gay. but i hope you are aware that some of what your are saying is going to offend gay people. Once again, we are not here just straight out be mean to you. Some things you said are considered rude, so some people are going to have pissed off reactions. Maybe you should be more careful how you compare things and what you type.
pookie
11-27-2007, 12:25 PM
I also wanted to add, most people here suggested that you don't tell out of revenge. If you can tell her because of your guilt and wanting to apologize, then that has the right motive. Most people here would want you to do it with the right motive. Which is something only you can truly know.
AudreyLeigh
11-27-2007, 12:29 PM
A cheating spouse may bring home a disease (AIDS, Hepatitis, Herpes). By spilling the beans, you may save the wife's life or prevent her from getting something nasty in the future (He'll probably cheat again). Hey, telling the wife could be your penance. Think of it that way.
And THIS is the ONLY reason I think telling would be a good thing. If he got OP pregnant hes obviously not using condoms which means.... not good things for the wife.
francescadubois
11-27-2007, 12:32 PM
^^Ew. You're right about that, AudreyLeigh. :(
Casual Observer
11-27-2007, 12:40 PM
Let me get this right; you're an admitted homewrecker, but suddenly you want to Do The Right Thing and inform the wife? You often alternate between unfettered selfishness and selfless altruism?
I know you want to believe that you don't want revenge, but really, yes you do. There's no other legitimate reason for telling the wife at this point. Don't. It's not your place. You didn't respect her when you fucked her husband, so you don't respect her now.
Well said.
thefrog
11-27-2007, 12:41 PM
depending which state you live in. Alienation of Affection could come into play and the wife could sue you for eveything you have.
AudreyLeigh
11-27-2007, 12:41 PM
^^Well, thats a hard case to win (altho I remember that one where the woman got everything of the cheaters)
Really. If she tells the wife she needs to call wife and say "I had an affair with your husband. Im a total bitch because I knew he was married the whole time. We werent using condoms and Id advise you to get tested for STDs" and hang up. Let her take it or leave it....
southstbabe
11-27-2007, 12:54 PM
I'm out of here..this is either a troll or just a fucked up bitch and either way it's pissing me off.
my thoughts exactly.
pookie
11-27-2007, 12:57 PM
Guys i dont think she is a troll.
I think she made a bad choice and came here for help. go look at her other posts. she looks legit
lets stop flaming, everybody. there are ways to express being upset without being insulting
Taylorlila
11-27-2007, 12:59 PM
nope im mostly doing this for me..its called respect he should have never have led me on. im a good person,i guess im a homwrecker,but i dont do drugs,i hardly drink,dont smoke,im healthy and happy for the most part. im not a lesbian or bi,i dont do extras at work,yada yada,let me ask you..have you ever done anything wrong in life?
how did he lead you on if he'd fuck you and then not talk to you for a month? That seems pretty obvious "i just want sex" to me.
being a lesbian and doing drugs is just as bad as fucking a married man. im just saying dont act like im the only one doing bad things. ya i like to argue,but to prove a point,my point is,he did wrong i did wrong,so now i have to move on and not get anything out of this,but being hurt? no i dont think so,he doesnt deserve to get away with it.
Subscribe to gay porn and have it sent to his house or something if you want revenge. You fucked up, and you got hurt, deal with it, i'm sure his actions will bite him in the ass soon enough. Don't justify your own wrongs by saying "at least i'm not a drug-doing lesbian".
he doesnt have kids if he did then i def would have never have fucked him,and if i did i woudnt tell the wife. yall are the ones who are crazy saying its ok for him to get away with it! wait until your man cheats on you,and your walking around living your life like nothing ever happened. would you let you man get away with it? and why get mad when i say drugs and being gay us bad? because you think its not,i think scewing a married man is bad,i own up to that mistake,ill never do it again.
how is being a lesbian as bad as fucking a married man? How is being a lesbian bad period?
Yes people make mistakes, but don't be all "boo hoo I fucked a married guy then he didn't want me to keep the baby...and you're all evil lesbians so feel bad for me."
With an attitude like that, you got what you deserved. Karma prob. just made its way around to you honey.
I'm so sorry you're not getting the respect you obviously so deserve:D since you respect others so much.
Taylorlila
11-27-2007, 01:00 PM
Guys i dont think she is a troll.
I think she made a bad choice and came here for help. go look at her other posts. she looks legit
lets stop flaming, everybody. there are ways to express being upset without being insulting
I personally think shes being pretty insulting. I mean, i'm bi sexual, and I have done drugs before, but I don't feel that i'm BAD because of that.
pookie
11-27-2007, 01:01 PM
yes, that why i said everybody :)
cameron_keys
11-27-2007, 01:04 PM
^^ she's trying to put all blame on him when they share blame equally
she said lesbians and bisexuals are JUST as bad as drug addicts and adulterers
she is out for pure revenge and wont listen to anyone
she didnt come here for advice. She came here to have people take her side say you poor baby...yeah..go tell his wife and hopefuly she'll beat his ass and come back to you
She had NO moral issues with him fucking or OR with having his baby...but he ends it and all of a sudden she's Miss Morals who needs to save the wife??
Not buying it. She wants revenge pure and simple. And going up to the wife and saying "guess what? Your piece of shit husband was fucking me AND got me pregnant" will make the wife feel horrible and he will get in trouble..at least that is the plan.
Where is HER punishment for this? HE shouldnt "get away with it"? Ok..then neither should she. But theres no punishment for her...she wont lose her husband or her home, etc...etc....
Taylorlila
11-27-2007, 01:07 PM
Where is HER punishment for this? HE shouldnt "get away with it"? Ok..then neither should she. But theres no punishment for her...she wont lose her husband or her home, etc...etc....
she got so hurt and lead on by the married man that fucked her once a month Cameron, duh.
I'm sorry for butting in all of a sudden, i just came across this thread and um.../:O >:( .
MinahSky
11-27-2007, 01:07 PM
Hate is like a poison; it not only destroys the object on which is is poured, but also the vessel in which it is stored.
Let it go, Hon. Really. Go get some counselling and focus on yourself. What he is doing will catch up with him soon enough.
ETA: Cameron, she miscarried and seems to also be going through quite a lot of mental anguish. She has suffered enough.
britt244
11-27-2007, 01:30 PM
Hey think of it this way...maybe the world will get lucky and the wife will SHOOT you both!!
:rotfl:
Being a lesbian harms no body.
Doing drugs may harm the user, but that is their choice and they are the one's harmed by their choice.
Fucking a married man... according to your own statement, hurt his wife, which you knew when you did it.
YOU COULD HAVE SAID STOP, NO, LET'S WAIT. IT IS ACTUAL POSSIBLE TO DO THIS. YOU DID NOT. So you are responsible for hurting her as much as he is.
this is what i was going to say. doing drugs hurts ME. if i were a lesbian, that would not affect anyone but ME. fucking a married man affects OTHERS. talk about self centered.
^^ she's trying to put all blame on him when they share blame equally
she said lesbians and bisexuals are JUST as bad as drug addicts and adulterers
:-\ dont put drug addicts and adulterers in the same category, please. i hope that isnt how you meant it. those are two totally different things that cannot be compared any more than being a lesbian and being an adulterer can.
ETA: Cameron, she miscarried and seems to also be going through quite a lot of mental anguish. She has suffered enough.
umm... what does that have to do with anything? so she had a miscarriage so all is right in the world now? she knowingly slept with a married man, a miscarriage doesnt fix that any more than telling the wife would.
man oh man.. this thread.. ::) this place never fails to amaze me with the fucking SHITTY things people say. its one thing to bicker, we all know ive been there. but some of the shit this girl said.. damn.
cameron_keys
11-27-2007, 01:47 PM
ETA: Cameron, she miscarried and seems to also be going through quite a lot of mental anguish. She has suffered enough.
So others now need to suffer with her i suppose. And that was not punishment. That was nature. Still sucks and I fell for her for that...but that had nothing to do with punishment.
having people call or show up at her house calling her a homewrecker or losing her home or her family like she may very well do with her revenge would be punishment.
The wife is an innocent party....her revenge would hurt the wife. And this isnt about protecting the wife..its really ALL about revenge., I cant get behind that.
:-\ dont put drug addicts and adulterers in the same category, please. i hope that isnt how you meant it. those are two totally different things that cannot be compared any more than being a lesbian and being an adulterer can.
Thats not what I meant. I meant that being a drug addict CAN cause harm. Being an adulterer CAN cause harm...neither are great choices.
You cant compare them to each other..but you REALLY cant compare them to being gay or bi. Saying that being gay or bi is WRONG..and equal to the others is an insane piece of shit fundamentalist propoganda. THAT pisses me off. For her to come on here and say that she shoudl be absolved because at least she didnt do anything REALLY bad...like be gay...ANY sympathy i MIGHT have had for her ended there.
britt244
11-27-2007, 01:48 PM
^ oh i know and i totally agree that she couldnt be more wrong in saying that.. i guess it was just the way it was worded.
another thing.. is this chick a stripper? because her beliefs seem to be soo straightlaced that i'm not following how she can think all this but yet be a stripper.
stellaforstars
11-27-2007, 01:50 PM
Oh Britt, I was hoping you'd find this thread soon...
I love it when you tell people what they need to hear!
Although Cam was doing a beautiful job all on her own.
*Stripper Solidariity!*
britt244
11-27-2007, 01:52 PM
Oh Britt, I was hoping you'd find this thread soon...
I love it when you tell people what they need to hear!
Although Cam was doing a beautiful job all on her own.
*Stripper Solidariity!*
haha what can i say? but i might never have read it if i hadnt been asked if i saw the latest trainwreck...
sun child
11-27-2007, 01:53 PM
Another thing to consider...
The kind of real revenge this man might take if you do in fact ruin his marriage.
AudreyLeigh
11-27-2007, 01:54 PM
^ oh i know and i totally agree that she couldnt be more wrong in saying that.. i guess it was just the way it was worded.
another thing.. is this chick a stripper? because her beliefs seem to be soo straightlaced that i'm not following how she can think all this but yet be a stripper.
Supposedly - read her other threads.... Am I pregnant.... Can I do pole tricks while pregnant.... blah blah blah....
cameron_keys
11-27-2007, 01:55 PM
Oh Britt, I was hoping you'd find this thread soon...
I love it when you tell people what they need to hear!
Although Cam was doing a beautiful job all on her own.
*Stripper Solidariity!*
LOL..the problem is she isnt hearing any of it. Sadly....she has revenge blinders on and he WILL pay no matter what for dumping her(NOT cheating with her..she was fine with that). And anyone else involved will pay too.
britt244
11-27-2007, 01:58 PM
LOL..the problem is she isnt hearing any of it. Sadly....she has revenge blinders on and he WILL pay no matter what for dumping her(NOT cheating with her..she was fine with that). And anyone else involved will pay too.
really.. i mean, i know that if i was banging out a married dude, i would totally expect him to be a gentlemen and the most upstanding guy i'd ever jumped into bed with. getting hurt would *never* cross my mind. ::)
Supposedly - read her other threads.... Am I pregnant.... Can I do pole tricks while pregnant.... blah blah blah....
doesnt that seem weird? or maybe its just me. abortion is bad, gay people are bad, stripping is ok? something isn't adding up.
cameron_keys
11-27-2007, 02:02 PM
And THIS is the ONLY reason I think telling would be a good thing. If he got OP pregnant hes obviously not using condoms which means.... not good things for the wife.
OH..and according to her they were using condoms...from another thread: "so i had sex friday on the 5th,the condom broke im not on the pill,and i wont get the morning after pill"
and she already has a kid...."04-22-2007, 12:48 AM
im soooo self conscious of my stretch marks on my stomach i had my son 3 months ago"
What kind of example does this set for him? Do whatever you want to with anyone you want no matter who it might hurt..UNLESS you get hurt..then take EVERYONE down with you.
In May she posted aboput choosing between her ex and a married man and was told to leave the married guy alone. So she doesnt take advice from here well....
miabella
11-27-2007, 02:08 PM
strippers are, in fact, just like other people. they absorb judgmental cultural messages just like plenty of other people do. plenty of strippers are homophobic, as plenty are not.
but all of that is secondary to the fact that she was hardly concerned about the wife's std risk or even the std risk to her own fetus/embryo or herself when she was getting what she wanted from Cheater!Husband. i hope she doesn't put the blast on the wife because frankly i agree with posters who've suggested the wife is aware on some level of what kind of dude she's saddled with.
i now totally think the OP got pregnant in a bid to retain his affection and force him to marry/commit to her. and it backfired and we get to hear how she can't be blamed for her part because hey, she doesn't like boobies, and liking boobies is totally WAY WORSE than using pregnancy as a marriage-breakup tactic.
DJ Maimed
11-27-2007, 02:14 PM
Another thing to consider...
The kind of real revenge this man might take if you do in fact ruin his marriage.
Thanx SunChild for sorta gettin my hidden point. To the OP...if you think your "revenge" is so justified....what would you like us to say when the real victim,the wife, comes on here asking whether she should castrate or hurt you and hubby??
beautiful.
11-27-2007, 02:16 PM
Because everybody else, mainly Cameron, took the words right out of my mouth I'm just going to say this..
To the OP: I hope you find the "perfect" guy, your absolute ideal guy, and you get married, then he cheats on you with some chick that has no respect for your marriage. Then and only then will you get what you deserve for being a homewrecker.
If you don't want to get burned, don't screw another woman's husband. You don't deserve any respect because you knew full well he was married the whole time, so just leave it alone. I think you're way past the point of getting respect from ANYBODY in the situation.
Just my $.02
ExoticEngineer
11-27-2007, 02:27 PM
I'm not even going to address the bass ackwords logic tis girl is spewing. I had my cup of insanity this morning, quite full still thanks.
But here IS something to think about. The husband was more than likely sleeping with other women besides YOU, and more than likely it was unprotected as well.
Get your ass checked very quickly, if you're going to be smart about one thing in this mess you made for yourself, make it that.
DSUsb19
11-27-2007, 02:28 PM
being a lesbian and doing drugs is just as bad as fucking a married man. im just saying dont act like im the only one doing bad things. ya i like to argue,but to prove a point,my point is,he did wrong i did wrong,so now i have to move on and not get anything out of this,but being hurt? no i dont think so,he doesnt deserve to get away with it.
Lol, and now I have been pissed off. I'm a lesbian who has a great family, friends, never touched an illegal drug, committed a serious crime, been arrested, physically hurt anyone, or FUCKED SOMEONE WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP! Take your immature ass somewhere else where you'll find what you want, which is someone to tell you you're right in getting revenge on him. You both did wrong. Grow up.
AudreyLeigh
11-27-2007, 02:29 PM
But here IS something to think about. The husband was more than likely sleeping with other women besides YOU, and more than likely it was unprotected as well.
Get your ass checked very quickly, if you're going to be smart about one thing in this mess you made for yourself, make it that.
I was thinking the same thing BUT I have a sneaky suspision that she thinks he was faithful to HER (well, other than his wife and all).... :banghead:
ExoticEngineer
11-27-2007, 02:31 PM
Oh yes, that's because that's how it ALWAYS works! ;) "Well, he's cheating on his wife, but he's faith full to me, he LOVES me!" UH huh...yup yup....
By the way, I have this bridge for sale..............
cameron_keys
11-27-2007, 02:34 PM
Oh yes, that's because that's how it ALWAYS works! ;) "Well, he's cheating on his wife, but he's faith full to me, he LOVES me!" UH huh...yup yup....
By the way, I have this bridge for sale..............
Exactly!! Wonder where he was on those months he disappeared?? Home in front of the fire or working late I'm SURE.
It just KILLS me that she is trying to make it sound like she is telling the wife to be a good person and save the wife from her horrible cheating husband when its all revenge.
If HE hadnt dumped HER she would STILL be riding his cock like a cowgirl on crack with NO thought whatsoever about the wifes feelings.
Kaylinn
11-27-2007, 02:40 PM
She jut needs to step back, get over the hurt and reevaluate the situation in a month or so. I bet she will be thinkign much more clearly then, and will see the situation for what it really is. Right now she is just to close to the situation and to hurt to see thigns clearly.
LoveSexMoney
11-27-2007, 02:43 PM
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! I don't understand how people are so ready to crucify the other women and pass all types of judgement on her. I remember a thread a year or so ago and everyone crucified a very well know member here. I think that's fucked up, to be quite honest. The other woman didn't make any vows or promises, HE DID! So why is everyone so quick to want to kick the other woman's ass?
ETA: I don't agree with a damn thing this girl is saying, but I just think it's bad to give her all the hell and blame when the GUY is married and HE is the one who is really wrecking the home. If it wasn't with her, it'd been with someone else.
I've gotten up to this point and haven't read the rest of the thread but I just wanted to say that if I were the wife, I'd want to know. Many years ago, I discovered that unbeknownst to me, my ex had cheated on me (with my "best" friend no less!) ALL OF MY FRIENDS KNEW AND NOBODY FUCKING TOLD ME. I really had no idea. When a friend mentioned it after our breakup, I was so upset that nobody ever told me. I actually didn't find out until a couple of years after. So, yeah, I'd want to know.
ExoticEngineer
11-27-2007, 02:49 PM
Gah, I'm going to step in it....er.
K, yes. I'd want to know as well. But I don't agree with why this woman wants to tell the wife. And I belive she's well aware she's doing it out of revenge and hurt and anger. Not out of guilt or trying to do the right thing.
She even said so herself a few posts back.
So I call bllsht on that one.
Even doing it out of guilt is selfish, it's trying to make yourself feel better regardless of what it might do to the wife.
If you're going to tell her, tell her because you want her to have the chance to find a man who wont betray her. In my mind that could be the only reason for telling, along with the whole sharing cooties thing. But it's obvious that's not why you're telling her, because if that thought had ever crossed your mind, or if you were even capable of thinking that way, you wouldn't have slept with her husband. Repeatedly. Over a long period of time.
You would have told the guy "You're an ass for even asking me and I should go tell your wife right now that you are a cheating SOB."
francescadubois
11-27-2007, 02:51 PM
^^Yeah, I'd want to know, too. I'd be irritated if the bitch was getting some sick pleasure from telling me, but I'd still be glad to know.
Kaylinn
11-27-2007, 02:55 PM
Odds are, if the wife has any sence about her, she already knows somethig is going on. She may not know exactly what...but she probably has a feeling things aren't right. But the OP shouldn't tell her. not the state she's in anyway. She doesn't have the capacity right now to just inform the wife in a tactful, mature way.
TheSexKitten
11-27-2007, 02:57 PM
being a lesbian and doing drugs is just as bad as fucking a married man. im just saying dont act like im the only one doing bad things. ya i like to argue,but to prove a point,my point is,he did wrong i did wrong,so now i have to move on and not get anything out of this,but being hurt? no i dont think so,he doesnt deserve to get away with it.
LOLOLOL. Be a good girl and please use your birth control... every time.
I think this woman is a hypocrite for coming here and trying to gain approbation from us. Why title the thread as a question if you already have your own answer ?
I agree with the vast majority of the ladies in this thread.
she does deserve to know,if she really loved him and wants it to work she will stay with him,and in then end it will only make there union stronger and hopefully he wont cheat again. but yes i do deserve the respect too,he told me when we first started seeing each other that he was unhappily married and that he was going to get a divorce.
Oh gee, no married guy has used that line before eh? You're pissed and want revenge, that's fine, but don't hide behind saving their relationship or saving her from him or what ever mental masturbation being used here.
Glamazon
11-27-2007, 03:24 PM
I wouldn't want to know.
stellaforstars
11-27-2007, 03:28 PM
If their marriage is as unhappy as he says it is and he's disappearing on a regular basis to fuck other women...
She knows...
And she doesn't need one his pissy, little chippies getting up in her face about it.
cameron_keys
11-27-2007, 03:40 PM
Yeah either
1)she knows and doesnt care
2)she knows and has decide to ignore/live with it
or
3) She will say that the OP is a fucking lying little stripper whore who her wonderful husband wouldnt touch with a ten foot pole and shes onviously just trying to get his money.
And if the OP thinks there wont be retaliation from either the guy or the wife shes seriously naive.
The wife is NOT goig to hug her and thank her and send her husband to her door.
Theres no possible way this ends well for anyone.
ExoticEngineer
11-27-2007, 03:42 PM
LOL, I just had a funny/sick visual play out in my head....
"I just wanted you to know, I'm humping your husband."
"I already know dear, you've saved me months of lying and boredom. By the way, what grade are you in?"
::)
stellaforstars
11-27-2007, 03:59 PM
:rotfl:
"I'm humping your husband."
LOL
AlexxaHex
11-27-2007, 04:10 PM
being a lesbian and doing drugs is just as bad as fucking a married man. im just saying dont act like im the only one doing bad things. ya i like to argue,but to prove a point,my point is,he did wrong i did wrong,so now i have to move on and not get anything out of this,but being hurt? no i dont think so,he doesnt deserve to get away with it.
:O :O :O
Being a lesbian = doing drugs = ruining marriages? What fucking planet do YOU live on?
virgoamm
11-27-2007, 04:18 PM
I have to say that I agree with this. Yeah, her motives are selfish. Yeah, she was wrong for fucking a married man-but-if I were the wife, I'd want to know.
Reading a few pages back people were saying that she'd be causing pain and grief by telling, but I honestly think it would be causing the wife MORE pain and grief down the road if she didn't tell her.
My best friend from high school, and still my friend, cheated on his girlfriends all the time. He started cheating three weeks after his first marriage. He had two children with his wife and had several affairs.
Finally, after 5 years of marriage, the wife found out from one of his girlfriends. They ended up getting a divorce. She ended up having to move back to her parents home and had a tough time of it. Luckily, she ended up meeting someone else a few years later and got married again.
If the first girlfriend would have told the wife, the wife may have never had kids with him and she would've had a better chance of starting her life over.
He's the homewrecker, not you. The marriage was over before you walked into his life. Sure, you were wrong, too, but as long as you learned a lesson from this, I wouldn't beat myself up over it.
If it makes you feel better, nail his ass to the wall. Nothing wrong with revenge. Don't keep all that anger bottled up inside you. I'm sure the wife will thank you when she dumps his ass before she's wasted too many years on this asshole.
A cheating spouse may bring home a disease (AIDS, Hepatitis, Herpes). By spilling the beans, you may save the wife's life or prevent her from getting something nasty in the future (He'll probably cheat again). Hey, telling the wife could be your penance. Think of it that way.
High_Heel_Lover
11-27-2007, 04:20 PM
Poor woman :(