View Full Version : Have you ever been raped?
DylanAngel
12-02-2007, 04:02 PM
This thread gives me a pain in my chest and tears in my eyes.
I answered that I've been sexually molested. It was by my mother's second husband. From when I was 8 until I was 15, not actual penetration but things that I still can't bring myself to say. He also beat us all.
Hugs to all of us that we survived and are still here and stronger because of it.
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 04:04 PM
Pooka, you and I went through the EXACT same situation pregnancy-wise. It gave me chills to read what you wrote just now.
I also contracted HPV, which led to pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, which led to surgery with complications, which led to me being unable to conceive.
I really never thought I would be sharing all of this on a public board.
Stella that is so weird that that happened to you too. Pregnancy as a result of rape is so rare that people almost refuse to beleive it happens, but it does. I've never met anyone else though who has had it happen to them.
However I truly am deeply sorry for the resulting complications. Out of all of it I had to find room to be grateful that I didn't contract any diseases from him. I had just read a book called "It happened to Nancy". Its a published diary of a young girl who was raped and contracted aids. :(
ETA: If you ever need a friend to talk too, Stella, and ANY of ya'll. My pm box and cell phone are open.
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 04:08 PM
I might delete this after a little bit because I've never told anyone, but I was molested as a child by my father. Besides the general trauma of molestation, he would also cut my breasts, butt, and all around my pelvic region with razor blades. That started when I was 6. I was too scared to tell anyone and then finally I came forward and my mom had him taken to court. He was found guilty but allowed to remain out of prison so he could pay child support because we were super poor. that was 8 years ago and he's never paid a cent.
I have a severe panic attack to this day if I see a razor blade. in high school I had to be rushed to the emergency room during biology because I walked in and there were razor blades all over the lab tables for the lab we were doing and I flipped shit and passed out.
Lysondra
12-02-2007, 04:14 PM
Speaking of being unable to conceive - when I was 7 my father raped me, which was of course brushed off, when I was 15 I did my first pap to get tested for my first encounter I had planned with a boy. They found HPV. Cruelly, the lady who did the test told me, 'That's what you get for not using a condom." It turned into full-blown cancer within months. After surgery at 17, I could no longer bear children.
That's my 'baggage' now. That my father's rape caused me to be sterile.
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 04:17 PM
Speaking of being unable to conceive - when I was 7 my father raped me, which was of course brushed off, when I was 15 I did my first pap to get tested for my first encounter I had planned with a boy. They found HPV. Cruelly, the lady who did the test told me, 'That's what you get for not using a condom." It turned into full-blown cancer within months. After surgery at 17, I could no longer bear children.
That's my 'baggage' now. That my father's rape caused me to be sterile.
:'( :'( :'( :'(
:grouphug:
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?!!!!!!
I am so sorry.
Kaylinn
12-02-2007, 04:21 PM
oh my god this thread sickens me. It hurts me to my very core to read such horrific stories.
My heart ges out to everyone who has posted here, and I admire everyones courage for sharing their stories and for being so strong.
:hug: :hug:
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 04:21 PM
And I admire your compassion, oh lovely Kaylinn.
stellaforstars
12-02-2007, 04:22 PM
This thread is so heartbreaking.
PaigeDWinter
12-02-2007, 04:23 PM
This thread makes me dwell on the attempted rape... since it's only barely an attempt, may I vent about it here?
stellaforstars
12-02-2007, 04:25 PM
Paige, of course you can. That's what we're here for--to listen and be supportive.
LilyLove
12-02-2007, 04:30 PM
Vent all you want Paige! I'd very much like to hear your story.
Flick6
12-02-2007, 04:31 PM
I have been sexually assaulted/molested, when I was 10. We pressed charges; he was my best friend's grandfather and it happened at her birthday party. She never spoke to me again afterwards and I still am hurt and unsure why she snubbed me.
The fucker never got jail time, only needed to agree to the courts to get help.
It fucked me up real bad to the point that when I was 14 I started thinking I saw him even though he was a country's width away. The PTSD and depression got me commited to a hospital 2x for trying to commit suicide a couple times.
I don't talk about it a lot.
I just wanted to say something that popped into my head because I have worked with a lot of survivors and have heard similar stories and have an idea maybe why she snubbed you. There is a huge possibility that she was being abused by him too, maybe she just felt sick with guilt that she had brought that upon you as well, I know a few girls who's friends were assaulted by their abuser, and guilt seems to be the overwhelming feeling they are left with.
I'm sorry if this is out of line, just wanted you to know that the reason was probably all about her feelings and nothing to do with your actions.
Much love to everyone who has been hurt in this way.
I was raped by a friend who's bed I was sleeping in cuddling him, no one though that was rape because if I was in his bed (fully dressed mind you) having a hug then obviously I was willing to fuck him and even if I said no then it wasn;t rape???? My FEMALE friends didnt believe me, he was very popular, apparently that makes all the difference, the only person who gave me any support was his girlfriend, I guess she knew him better.
Lysondra
12-02-2007, 04:34 PM
:'( :'( :'(
:grouphug:
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?!!!!!!
I am so sorry.
:hug: I had no idea we had similar backgrounds. My father cut me too, but on my leg so nobody could call him on it - I had done it falling in brambles of course. I didn't know we were so similar...
Lysondra
12-02-2007, 04:35 PM
Paige, what happened to you is as terrifying and bad as what happens to anyone else. Either an attempt or an actual rape, you still lose something very important. You lose your ability to ever feel safe or trust someone again. We've all lost that thing, so feel free to discuss it here because I'm sure you're just as scared as the rest of us some times.
Kaylinn
12-02-2007, 04:49 PM
Paige, I think I talked a little about my own experience a few pages back. I ws never raped, or physicially assulted. Only words were said to me. My uncle said " suck my dick, as he unbuckled his pants"
I mentioned being assulted as a child by him, but I don't remember it,only what my mom told me.
Anyway...that day tramatized me so badly that in nursing school 5 years later, I couldn;t care for men of that age group. I would have panic attacks, and eventually had to tell my professor why I refused to care for men of that age. I always had a fear of men that age and was very very uncomforable around them. Even when I became a stripper, I wouldn't talk to or dance for men that were beteen 30-50 years old.
I still am uncomfortable around men that age, but being that I'm appraching 30 myself, men that age aren't "older men" anymore and so don't scare me as much. And stripping definatly helped me get over that fear.
Anyway. My point is, just because you wren't raped doesn't make it less tramatic.
Flick6
12-02-2007, 04:50 PM
I also wanted to share that my SO was abused as a small child by his uncle and a friend, and also BY A WOMAN at the age of 12, she threatened and blackmailed him into performing oral sex on her, he didnt have sex until he was in his 20s after that, it made him sick. I just wanted to highlight that women can also be abusers, and there are so many stereotypes of what a rapist is, those that dont fit the mould of a victim often get ignored too.
ahmeerah
12-02-2007, 05:03 PM
What freaks me out is that abuse is SO common. And the abusers look and act like normal people. At least that's the way it seems.
The abusers I knew seemed sleazy and made me feel uncomfortable. But I can't imagine all of them seeming like that since so many people have fallen prey.
MinahSky
12-02-2007, 05:14 PM
I got pregnant as a result of my rape as well. Then when I went to abort it I had to deal with the abusive pro-lifers who didn't understand what the heck I was going through...no one did. Like being raped wasn't enough I had to find out that this jerk (who I had know most of my life and went to school with) had gotten me pregnant and then hide it from my mother while figuring out to get far away enough that no one would know me to get it done. I was sick as heck and going to school and working. I went away for the weekend to do it and recover. I told ONLY the person that took me to handle it and only because I had to. It's a lot to handle at 19.
Madcap
12-02-2007, 05:16 PM
One of my best friends was born of a rape. His mom's a lesbian, been with her partner for like 30 years. She is like any other mother, loves him to pieces. Sad that it had to happen like that, tho.
ahmeerah
12-02-2007, 05:25 PM
I got pregnant as a result of my rape as well. Then when I went to abort it I had to deal with the abusive pro-lifers who didn't understand what the heck I was going through...no one did. Like being raped wasn't enough I had to find out that this jerk (who I had know most of my life and went to school with) had gotten me pregnant and then hide it from my mother while figuring out to get far away enough that no one would know me to get it done. I was sick as heck and going to school and working. I went away for the weekend to do it and recover. I told ONLY the person that took me to handle it and only because I had to. It's a lot to handle at 19.
That IS a lot to handle at any age really. But wow - at 19. :(
RoseWhite
12-02-2007, 06:28 PM
I answered as "assaulted/molested", though one of the incidents got into some very grey area.
I had only planned to vote in the poll, not post, but I've been reading everyone else's posts and I'm so touched by everyone's courage and honesty and support of one another, so I had to say something. Kaylinn, twisterinaz, Blade, Pooka, Lysondra, Paige, Minah - well, I could go on and literally list E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E, so I'll stop there, but you all know what I mean.
I'm kind of in awe of SW right now. People sharing these stories here, people sharing their experiences with poverty in another thread . . . You're all tough and courageous and amazing.
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 06:49 PM
It's terrifying that these things happen so frequently. :(
I remember when I was 16, a virgin, and dating an older guy that I thought was SO cool...I went to a party with him and he blew me off most of the night so I was all hurt and decided to get fucked up. So I was talking to this other guy there that I'd just met, he was all of the guys there's best friend from San Marcos...so I was feeling kind of depressed and drunk and wanted to be alone and walked over behind a barn to sit down and the guy followed and started talking to me - then he tried to kiss me and I got upset and told him to stop it and he started pulling my skirt up. Oh god. Actually its the skirt I'm wearing right now. Ew. Anyway, he started pulling my skirt up and he tried to put his penis in me, and I was screaming that I was a virgin and I didn't want to and for him to stop. So he shoved me on the ground and said I'd better fucking do something then or he was going to force it in me. So he made me give him a blow job. Then he went back to the party and left me lying in the dirt. He told everyone I came on to him and gave him head. Everyone called me a slut and the older guy broke up with me and the guy whose house it was at's mom told me to get the fuck out of her house because she didn't want me slutting around there.
When I tried to explain no one beleived me. Not even my friends. They all said my skirt was too short, and I was drunk, and wore too much make up and flirted too much.
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 06:52 PM
:hug: I had no idea we had similar backgrounds. My father cut me too, but on my leg so nobody could call him on it - I had done it falling in brambles of course. I didn't know we were so similar...
:(
I've never met anyone else who's father did that to them. All of my friends have stable home lifes though. My friends dont' even know about that. Once he did it before school and tried to do it light so it wouldn't bleed but I was wearing a white shirt and I didn't even notice I was bleeding because I tuned it out. When I walked into class the teacher screamed and carried me to the nurse. I had no idea why. Then I saw in the reflection of the window my shirt was soaked in blood and I was white as a ghost. I got forced to go to the counselour like every day to find out why I "cut myself". :shrug:
nicole84
12-02-2007, 06:56 PM
What amazes me is how quick people are to blame the victim in a rape. No other crime gets the victim blamed. I just don't understand it.
PookaShell
12-02-2007, 07:03 PM
People are uncomfortable with the fact that they can't fathom finding the compassion to deal with other's people's severe trauma.
I recently confided the story of being raped to a close friend and she isnt a very compassionate person and has faced VERY little hardship in her life.
She told me she felt uncomfortable around me and that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. She also told me the miscarriage that resulted was my fault for sending negative vibes to it.
They cant imagine it happening to them so they dont want to try to imagine that it happens at all.
zxcire
12-02-2007, 07:42 PM
Thank you Blade.
Thank you everybody.
Lysondra
12-02-2007, 08:33 PM
It's terrifying that these things happen so frequently. :(
I remember when I was 16, a virgin, and dating an older guy that I thought was SO cool...I went to a party with him and he blew me off most of the night so I was all hurt and decided to get fucked up. So I was talking to this other guy there that I'd just met, he was all of the guys there's best friend from San Marcos...so I was feeling kind of depressed and drunk and wanted to be alone and walked over behind a barn to sit down and the guy followed and started talking to me - then he tried to kiss me and I got upset and told him to stop it and he started pulling my skirt up. Oh god. Actually its the skirt I'm wearing right now. Ew. Anyway, he started pulling my skirt up and he tried to put his penis in me, and I was screaming that I was a virgin and I didn't want to and for him to stop. So he shoved me on the ground and said I'd better fucking do something then or he was going to force it in me. So he made me give him a blow job. Then he went back to the party and left me lying in the dirt. He told everyone I came on to him and gave him head. Everyone called me a slut and the older guy broke up with me and the guy whose house it was at's mom told me to get the fuck out of her house because she didn't want me slutting around there.
When I tried to explain no one beleived me. Not even my friends. They all said my skirt was too short, and I was drunk, and wore too much make up and flirted too much.
When my mum's fiance molested me, they told me it was because I wore such short skirts... even the COPS told me I was a liar and that 'they believed I believed it happened' (in other words, they were calling me delusional)... they said I was an attention seeker, and my mother kicked me out of her house for 'seducing her fiance' ( I was 15, he was 50! )... oh god it's all coming back now. It's why I got married - because I was homeless and needed food, not because I loved the child-fucker. TWO YEARS after this happened, my mum called me and said she believed me. I cried on the phone for hours, so grateful... Then, I can't believe this, she told me, "I actually didn't believe you. I wanted to see your reaction... but now that you cried and thanked me, I know you really were telling the truth." That didn't stop her from borrowing his Corvette in front of me a few times. To this day I cannot STAND to look at black Corvettes. It's what he drove.. it's what my mum would show me to spite me and call me a liar...
..sorry everyone.
PhillyDancer1982
12-02-2007, 08:44 PM
I did something really fucked up a bunch of years ago in college. Please do not flame me for this...I understand that I must have had mental issues to have done this.
In college, one of my best girl friends/former roommate was hanging out with her cute male coworker at a party and he raped her when she was drunk. She was upset about this and so was I. To spite him, I gave him a taste of his own medicine. I drove up to his work one night(a restaurant) and pretended to wait around for some friends to arrive and meet up with me there. While there, I conversed with the rapist(he bartended there) and acted like a nice, sweet girl who was interested in him. I conned him into inviting me up to his place later. When I was there, he got drunk and high(marijuana) and when I got him alone in a room, I pushed myself on top of him and had my way.
A day later, I called him up and told him that I was getting tested for HIV because I just found out that my ex was HIV positive.
But he still treated my friend like shit at work, harassing her and acting verbally abusive. When she was almost in tears about it one day, I cheered her up by calling up the dude in the middle of his work, telling him that the test results had come back and I was officially HIV positive. He said, "Well, what's gonna happen to me?" and I said, "Who cares about you?"
I realize now that what I did was a bad thing...and perhaps it served me right when I faced a similar scare a few years later(karma)...but I was angry that he'd raped my friend and I wanted to teach him a lesson. God I'm lucky he was in trouble for domestic violence charges(he'd beaten his ex-wife), or else his rape claims might have actually stood up in the court of law...
PhillyDancer1982
12-02-2007, 08:56 PM
When I was 16, this guy friend of mine whipped out his dick and tried to get me to suck it by pushing my head down towards his crotch. It wasn't enough for me to say "no I don't want to"(I wasn't really into the whole giving head thing back then), so I succombed to saying "uh...ouch!"
He immediately stopped what he was doing and said, "OMG are you okay? I hope I didn't hurt you! Are you okay? I'm sorry!" You see, this guy had schizophrenia and anger issues when he was younger(got into a lot of fights), and in recent years he was trying to change his ways and become a reformed, nonviolent person. I was aware of this so I knew that saying "ow" would get him to bug off.
Ugh. I felt rather violated, even though I (luckily) knew how to stop it before I was forced to do anything.
Hatshepsut
12-02-2007, 09:06 PM
When my mum's fiance molested me, they told me it was because I wore such short skirts... even the COPS told me I was a liar and that 'they believed I believed it happened' (in other words, they were calling me delusional)... they said I was an attention seeker, and my mother kicked me out of her house for 'seducing her fiance' ( I was 15, he was 50! )... oh god it's all coming back now. It's why I got married - because I was homeless and needed food, not because I loved the child-fucker. TWO YEARS after this happened, my mum called me and said she believed me. I cried on the phone for hours, so grateful... Then, I can't believe this, she told me, "I actually didn't believe you. I wanted to see your reaction... but now that you cried and thanked me, I know you really were telling the truth." That didn't stop her from borrowing his Corvette in front of me a few times. To this day I cannot STAND to look at black Corvettes. It's what he drove.. it's what my mum would show me to spite me and call me a liar...
..sorry everyone.
Oh my fucking god. It pains me just as much when the mother's denial fails to protect her child to the point where she would rather disown the child... It's terrible.
I am so horrified in response to all these stories. I myself had a couple attempted rapes while stripping (the boss didn't believe in bouncers or supervision in the lapdance room). It erodes at your soul. It makes you see the world in a whole new negative light. It makes you feel helpless.
sunnie
12-02-2007, 09:45 PM
I was a victim of sexual assult by my uncle when I was 13. Apparently, he also had done things to me as a child under the age of 5 but I don't remember. my mom told me.
Charges were never pressed because "you don't do that in our family"
My family would never send another meber to jail, no matter how heinous the crime. When this uncle had a 5 year old daughter who's mother claimed had been assulted by her dad, I was the first to stand up in court and testify. It took my family years to forgive me.
When I was 19 and homeless, this uncle was the only person who was willing to take me in. He made sexual comments every day, and even took the doorknob off my bedroom door so I couldn't lock it. He took pictures of me in my panties and I let him. Why? I was trying to be a model and he told me that was what agencies wanted to see. I believed him. I was so incredibly embarassed when that agency called me back and said they didn't want to work with me because they weren't "that kind" of place.
I had to live with him because I had nowhere else to go. He eventually kicked me out and I haven't spoken to him since.
Now he has foster kids. All girls. He told the foster agency he didn't want boy foster kids because he has a little girl so will only accept girls. Even though he went to court over the stuff with his daughter..they gave him foster kids. ( he got off in court. inconclusive evidence. No one really knows what happened with that)
Oh I am so sorry Kaylinn.
OMFG I cannot believe he has foster children. >:( Wow, that is so wrong. >:( >:( >:( ...and so very sad
MinahSky
12-02-2007, 09:49 PM
I was a virgin when I was raped...well, I guess I was, having been molested for years I am not sure. But I didn't want to have sex with him. Really sucky first time.
sunnie
12-02-2007, 10:00 PM
Not that I know of. I get these weird dream-like flashbacks to when I was really young about my dad doing things.. and my sister (who is ten years older) drunkenly confirmed my fears when she was drunk and pissed off at me. But that doesn't make it true. So I clicked no.
Five or six years ago my mom told me that when I was little she and my father kicked my sister and my nephew (who is 11 years older than I am) out of the house because my mom found him in my room sticking his penis in my mouth.
They kicked her out instead of trying to work it out cause she called my mom a liar and denied it.
My mom mentioned it to me cause she wanted to see if I remembered, I don't, and I made her shut up as soon as she said it cause I don't care to know anymore than that.
It did explain a lot though about why my dad is always so cold to me when my sister is around, he must feel some guilt about putting her and her kid on the street. Man, that makes my dad sound so bad, but he is not a bad guy.
Madcap
12-02-2007, 10:29 PM
When I was 16, this guy friend of mine whipped out his dick and tried to get me to suck it by pushing my head down towards his crotch.
See there is the mentality. BITE HIS DICK OFF. Say "sure dude." Then BITE HIM.
Them jaw muscles work for you.
If a guy is gonna do that, as a man you have my personal okay to BITE HIS DICK OFF. But if you do, open the door and run, don't stick around. RUN.
Your front teeth are designed by evolution to cut, use it in that case to defend yourself. Take that motherfucker's cock all the way in your mouth, deep throat him, take it to the root, then clamp down like god told you to bite. Fuck him. He don't need the damed thing. He misuses it. BITE IT OFF. And i mean, rip your head away. Literally take that rapist prick's dick away. Don't leave one shred attached.
Bite it and spit it. Spit it in the sewer so he can't get it back.
BalletBaby
12-02-2007, 11:06 PM
:hug: This thread breaks my heart:( You ladies ,and men, are all so strong. Every time I read someone's story, tears come to my eyes
:grouphug:
Blade
12-03-2007, 12:19 AM
After putting my words and memories down in this thread I feel sadness and loss. I also feel a bit relieved, I had been thinkin about it recently and it was really eating at me so sharing it was therapeutic for me.
I wanna thank all of you who shared stories of abuse and/or rape. I know how hard it was for ya to bring those memories to the surface again.
As victims we have become stronger, as survivors we've become one.
Kaylinn
12-03-2007, 12:27 AM
See there is the mentality. BITE HIS DICK OFF. Say "sure dude." Then BITE HIM.
Them jaw muscles work for you.
If a guy is gonna do that, as a man you have my personal okay to BITE HIS DICK OFF. But if you do, open the door and run, don't stick around. RUN.
Your front teeth are designed by evolution to cut, use it in that case to defend yourself. Take that motherfucker's cock all the way in your mouth, deep throat him, take it to the root, then clamp down like god told you to bite. Fuck him. He don't need the damed thing. He misuses it. BITE IT OFF. And i mean, rip your head away. Literally take that rapist prick's dick away. Don't leave one shred attached.
Bite it and spit it. Spit it in the sewer so he can't get it back.
Dude, as much as I LOVE the thought of it, espicially because that is exactly the situation i was presented with...
In reality, it just isn't smart to bite off a penis, or bite anything to draw blood.. The last thing you want is to contract HIV from the attacker.
Much smarter to kick him with all your force in the junk. Or hell, if he's pushing your head to his dick, headbutt him with all you've got in the nuts. Grab his balls and rip as hard as possible.
But don't draw blood in your mouth. That would be a horrible, horrible thing if you managed to avoid an attack, only to be left with a final, aweful parting gift of HIV.
pinkkitten
12-03-2007, 01:21 AM
i just have to say that it feels really good to get all of this off my chest, some of which i've never told anybody. When i was 6 year old i was molested by a relative. i din't tell anybody until i was a teenager. But what hurt me the most was that even once my parents found oit the truth they continued to speak to him. i was thinking like, what the fuck, how can they care more about not starting family drama than the truth. It still possed me off to this day. When i was 13 and still a virgin i was molested by a grown man who was another patient of my therapist's. It was fucked up that everyone assumed that i had wanted it or some bullshit like that. i mean, i was still an innocent child, i had been very sheltered and naive and they thought that i wanted to seduce this motherfucker. In high school i was forced to perform oral sex against my will. This guy i knew pulled out his penis and grabbed me by the hair and my mouth was open in shock and it went in. The he held it there until he came and then just kind of left me lying there. i was scared to press charges until a few months later when i finally had the guts to tell my parents, who of course didn't believe me but took me to the poice stattion anyway. Once there they were real suspicious with me and kept asking me why i didn't resist or scream, and i was like, um cause he forced it in my mouth. Long story short, they assumed i was making it up or i had wanted it. He was suspended from school as a result of it and everyone found out and made me out to be the bad one. It wasn't till he did the same exact thing to another girl that my story was taken seriously. Of course he was never prosecuted but at least he got expelled from school. And did i mention that he wanted to be a teacher or work with children. When i went to college i was raped in my dorm. i woke up and i guy was having sex with me from behind and after i woke up he held me down and i was too terrified to scream for help. i never told anyone about that because i felt they would blame me for not screaming and once again assume i wanted it or something. Aside from this i was forced to have sex against my will by ex boyfriends many times, one of them until i was bleeding and could barely walk. He then called me a whore, told me to get the fuck out of his house and that he was breaking up with me.
Lysondra
12-03-2007, 02:46 AM
I was a virgin when I was raped...well, I guess I was, having been molested for years I am not sure. But I didn't want to have sex with him. Really sucky first time.
It doesn't count... it doesn't count.. it doesn't count...
At least that's what I tell myself each day.
Lysondra
12-03-2007, 02:48 AM
i just have to say that it feels really good to get all of this off my chest, some of which i've never told anybody. When i was 6 year old i was molested by a relative. i din't tell anybody until i was a teenager. But what hurt me the most was that even once my parents found oit the truth they continued to speak to him. i was thinking like, what the fuck, how can they care more about not starting family drama than the truth. It still possed me off to this day. When i was 13 and still a virgin i was molested by a grown man who was another patient of my therapist's. It was fucked up that everyone assumed that i had wanted it or some bullshit like that. i mean, i was still an innocent child, i had been very sheltered and naive and they thought that i wanted to seduce this motherfucker. In high school i was forced to perform oral sex against my will. This guy i knew pulled out his penis and grabbed me by the hair and my mouth was open in shock and it went in. The he held it there until he came and then just kind of left me lying there. i was scared to press charges until a few months later when i finally had the guts to tell my parents, who of course didn't believe me but took me to the poice stattion anyway. Once there they were real suspicious with me and kept asking me why i didn't resist or scream, and i was like, um cause he forced it in my mouth. Long story short, they assumed i was making it up or i had wanted it. He was suspended from school as a result of it and everyone found out and made me out to be the bad one. It wasn't till he did the same exact thing to another girl that my story was taken seriously. Of course he was never prosecuted but at least he got expelled from school. And did i mention that he wanted to be a teacher or work with children. When i went to college i was raped in my dorm. i woke up and i guy was having sex with me from behind and after i woke up he held me down and i was too terrified to scream for help. i never told anyone about that because i felt they would blame me for not screaming and once again assume i wanted it or something. Aside from this i was forced to have sex against my will by ex boyfriends many times, one of them until i was bleeding and could barely walk. He then called me a whore, told me to get the fuck out of his house and that he was breaking up with me.
Oh man, I got that too. "Why didn't you scream? Why didn't you struggle?" Because I was fucking TERRIFIED, that's why. :(
ColetteCalahan
12-03-2007, 02:59 AM
Someone tried to rape me in the club... whipped it out and tried to shove it in... nude club, bed dances, and i was backwards, couldn't see what was happening. I screamed at him, he told me to be quiet, I said "no fucking way, that's RAPE." Apparently he hadn't encountered THAT before because he paid me and BOOKEd it. I was naked and SEETHING, didn't have time to run out after him before I got all my clothes on.... but we're busy getting a description of him together @ the club, and police have been contacted (I'm friends w/ a cop who comes into my club, he e-mailed me about it and was really cool...)
I won't say "victim" because I'm no fucking victim. If I caught on to what was happening and wasn't so goddamn surprised, I would have literally slapped the shit out of him and been in every right to do so.
LilyLove
12-03-2007, 04:13 AM
I deleted this because I've recently been having bad flashbacks and dreams about my experiences, and this post was just too specific. I feel like curling into a shell again...
scarlet_is_yummy
12-03-2007, 06:01 AM
This thread is so moving. i'm so terribly sorry for all of you who have had to be put through this, and am totally inspired by your strength. the stigma that goes with sexual assault is just awful. legal systems are clearly failing in the worst possible way.
The whole 'asking for it' way of thinking makes me physically sick. anyone should be able to wear whatever the hell they damn well like without fear of physical assult. And it seems that drinking is the new 'short skirt'.
when i was 15, i was at a club with my friends (yes, underage, yes i was wearing a short skirt) and some guy was coming on to me and wouldnt leave me alone so i yelled at him to go away. he pushed me up against the wall, had his hand on my ass and whisperes in my ear that 'you're the reason girls get raped' on the way home i couldnt stop crying. i've never freaked out so much in my entire life.
i'm putting on a production of the vagina monologues at my university this year and we're hopefully going to raise loads and loads and loads of money to help stamp out all types of violence against women (but after reading this thread i wish we could give money to mens charities that deal with sexual assault too)
Thankyou for this thread. thats the first time i've ever written what happened to me
love to all you wonderful survivors xxxxxxxxxx
Ok, so I've wanted to make a poll about this for a long time. I'm not approaching this from the stripper stereotype standpoint by the way. I read somewhere today (I think it might have been here but I don't remember) that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men have been raped.
I forget the stats, but it's usually by someone they know.
I was surprised to read this, because being raped was such an isolating experience for me. I felt like no one understood what I was going through. I felt like a leper. I was told over and over again that I brought it on myself.
WTF??? Who would tell you that?! I hope you know they are a sack of crap at this point.
So I'm curious. When I'm walking down the sidewalk, and looking at the faces that pass me by, is it really true that a quarter or a fifth of the people I see have gone through what I went through?
I almost posted this in Ladies Only, but I know that rape is not just a women's issue.
Thanks for responding.
All I can say is, it makes my blood boil when I hear about this, and I am not alone at all in the male world with that feeling. We are just as baffled as you are as to how a man brings himself to that, and as you point out, it may happen more often to women than men, but happens more often to men than people realize and most men never report it.
gingerlee
12-03-2007, 01:26 PM
*Takes a deep breath*
I was molested by my biological dad until I was 10 or so. He did it and my own mother didn't want to believe that her ex-husband had been doing something to me for years, even when I could give details proving what happened. It's part of the reason I started cutting, because I didn't know how else to deal with my anger and sadness. After a while I just quit trying to tell anybody about it, because it seemed like nobody gave a shit. It's part of the reason I stopped having any contact with him at all once I was an adult, which is why it's killing me to try and 'help' him with his illness.
I was in high school doing an internship at the Environmental Health Department, and I started when I was 15. From the time I was 15 until about 3 months before I graduated my 'boss' at the office had a 'relationship' with me. I was 15 and he was 45. He told me everything he thought I needed to hear to make me think he actually cared about me instead of letting me realized that he was a fucking child molester. I totally fell for his 'I love you but people won't understand it, so we have to keep it secret' line of shit. When he finally got caught I defended him and did everything he had told me to so he looked totally innocent and I looked like a crazy teenager with a crush. To this day I still have so much anger about what happened during those couple years, especially because I didn't realize at the time that he was using me. I had proof-hotel receipts, cell phone records, pictures, all kinds of shit, but I never did anything with it because I felt like people would say I brought it on myself.
Ok, I've gotta stop, because I'm getting really pissed off...
michele_b
12-03-2007, 01:33 PM
I voted I have been the victim of an attempted rape. I remember everything and was really smart about it. I was only 3 and my mom had this sorry boyfriend. I guess she didn't know he was sick. One day she said she had to go somewhere and I wanted to go with her but she said he was going to watch me and I couldn't and I cried and cried over it. Well I remember him taking me to their bedroom and trying to touch me and I remember knowing something wasn't right. I cried and told him I had to go to the bathroom really bad and he said fine hurry up. I went to the bathroom and locked the door and didn't come out. Then my mom came home and I didn't know any better to say anything and I never did until years later. Fortunately they broke up very shortly after that.
ExoticEngineer
12-03-2007, 02:36 PM
Wow.
I had to walk away from this thread and come back to it a few times. Ladies and Men, you all are amazing, strong and loved people. :hug:
My ex husband. He raped me many many times. But because we were married at the time, I was told it wasn't rape. He was my husband.
He would get high on meth or whatever it was that week, get out of control and wouldn't stop. It was like he wasn't even in the same room with me, couldn't hear me, see me, nothing. I stopped telling him no after a while, and would just get it over with.
The two most terrible things about it, when he was high, he couldn't come. But he just stayed hard-ish. So it went on and on.
The other....I actually willingly slept with him when he was sober. After counseling and everything (when I left him) I figured out I did that because I was dying to feel some sort of compassion and love, so I got it where I could. Even from a monster.
Wow.
Thank you.
For me, I was raped many times as a child by my babysitter's husband. Told my mother and she did not believe me.
Was raped again at 21 from a guy I was dating.
22 raped by my ex boyfriend many times before I was able to get away.
22 raped by a guy I was dating
26 was raped by a friend, I went to the police and they told me since he had a condom on there was really nothing that they can do and get over it.
was drugged at work and raped, tried to press charges but again told to get over it.
Sirona
12-03-2007, 03:26 PM
Victim of attempted rape here.
Ditto.
Might I add the fellow who tried it now rocks a glass eye.
ExoticEngineer
12-03-2007, 04:12 PM
When I was 15 a guy I was seeing, a senior at my HS, tried to force himself on me when my parents weren't home. His line was "Your saying no, but your body is telling me yes" because I was wet. ::). He then said, "You know, I don't have to ask, I could just do it."
I went absolutely nuts! Starting screaming, kicking, hitting, throwing my head around....all the way to the front door and out. The funny part was we had been making out, and the guy has stripped down to his tighty whities!
HE banged on the door for a while and I told him "You can wait out there until my mom comes home to get your shit, or you can just go home now, but you're not coming back inside my house!"