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Because
12-03-2007, 05:48 PM
Yes, I was 8.

I didn't understand what it was, I thought they were being mean, they used to beat me up all the time, then this started. Noone believed me, when I came screaming into the house my parents would push be back out because i needed to toughen up. god my hands are shaking. i dont talk about this

I still dont like guys, i have the hardest time with women because i cant be to aggressive becuase I get worried they might not be willing

MinahSky
12-03-2007, 06:03 PM
I'm not going to point anyone out, but if you think we didn't do all we could for it not to happen, you are NUTS.

Delilah27
12-03-2007, 08:54 PM
The polls shouldn't be that high....it makes me sad that many women have been assualted, molested, and raped

kryssy
12-03-2007, 10:18 PM
^^^ why can't they be that high........there are alot of sick people out there both male and female!

UtahMike
12-03-2007, 11:22 PM
I was one of the first to respond to the poll, but I couldn't bring myself to post about it at the time. Even after reading all of the posts that are SO MUCH WORSE than my experience, I am embarrassed about it. But, here it is.

I was 12, and my mother and I were visiting at my grandfather's house, her father's. One of my cousins and his dad were visiting at the same time, and the adults would send us down to the basement to play while they visited upstairs.

In the basement, there was a double bed, and somehow my cousin and I ended up in it. He did a lot of smooth talking, like "Let's pretend that I'm a girl, and that I've just got back from the war." So he got me to let him suck my dick, and he got me to suck his dick, and he wanted me to fuck him in the ass. But I just put the head in and didn't like it, so I took it out. Then he wanted to switch roles, but I wouldn't let him put it in my ass.

The next day he was down in the basement with another cousin, a girl, and he wouldn't let me come in with them.

For years, I wondered if I was gay. I sometimes still wonder if I was taken advantage of or a willing partner. He was my age, and no stronger than I was, but he was sure a smooth talker...

Today, we've both moved hundreds of miles from our birthplaces and have ended up only about twenty miles apart. He moved there thirty years ago, and I've never once contacted him.

I've never told anyone this until now. I don't think I could tell it to anyone who knows who I really am. It seems so trivial compared to what I've read in this thread from people I've come to think of as my dear friends, even though we all use fake screen names. I am so sorry for all you went through. I wish I could make it better for you.

Optimist
12-03-2007, 11:30 PM
He sounds coercive to me. I think you have to suss this out more before you will feel peace with it.

StarryEyes
12-03-2007, 11:40 PM
What makes my blood boil is that so many of these fuckers get away with it, then go on to rape even more.

WHY?!!!!!????

It's so fucked up. It pisses me off. I hope that somehow, some way, they experience the consequences of their actions. I hope karma finds a way to kick their asses so that then maybe they will learn what it means to love and respect.

AlexxaHex
12-04-2007, 12:07 AM
I have definitely been in situations where I've been taken advantage of. Legally they were "rape" situations but I never pressed charges. My father molested me and I still can't tell if I just made it up in my head. It made my life really difficult.

It's all really sad. It does help to be honest about it and not feel shame.

Same here sun child. Except I think it was my stepfather not my biological dad. He was definitely sexually inappropriate which is enough to scar a young girl. Who knows what happened when I woke up to him standing over me in bed. I do know he raped his own daughter -when she was a BABY.
:shoot:

I have been raped and taken advantage of in my adult life. Others have attempted to rape me - I thought this was pretty common for strippers, especially in high contact areas like the one I live in. I'm not trying to generalize or anything but I seriously thought this happened to all of us at one point in our careers. I'm glad to see it's not always the case.

Luckily I don't have any shame about what happened to me. Just disgusting feelings, like wanting to take a wire brush to parts of my brain to remove the memories. Some negative life experiences are good for learning and others just should not happen EVER.

kryssy
12-04-2007, 12:13 AM
Yes alot of us strippers can be violated in high contact areas.......and it makes me very sad!

holiday
12-04-2007, 12:32 AM
This is truly a heartwrenching thread. I had no idea that these tragedies are so common among us. And the crimes that happened against so many of you when you were young especially break my heart. I so remember the feeling of being a girl and becoming a sexual person and having men notice it before you even do. That feeling comes back to me all the time. It is just such a dirty feeling. I can remember strangers following me down streets and teachers being inappropriate and it is a confusing thing when you are young and have no sexual experience. I can't imagine the pain of going through what I've read about here and the events that come afterwards, the adults not believing or justice not being served, it just makes me so angry.

I have never been raped, although twice I've avoided it by using the method of it won't be rape if I just stop saying no. I don't know. It's fucked up. And I totally feel for you women, I really do. I also hate feeling sorry for the rapists and aggressors out there because I know they were probably abused themselves and have all sorts of mental diseases. I don't believe they have excuses, I just wish we were a more perfect species.

But I also am a glass full girl, so I want to end by saying take stock of your strengths and know that you aren't defined by those attacks, it isn't who you are, you own that experience and can put it behind you or forget it or keep it or whatever you want, but you are strong enough to handle it.

FrustratedBunny
12-04-2007, 12:54 AM
Does someone making you touch them and touching you and forcing you to kiss them count as rape or attempted rape? I guess attempted but it has the same emotionally traumatic effect as rape, at least in my opinion.

RoseLeigh
12-04-2007, 03:24 AM
^^ It's assault for damn sure.

dollyrocker
12-04-2007, 10:01 PM
Yes. Molested for 10 years (that I can remember).... by my own mother. As cold as it sounds, I can honestly say that the day she dies will be the HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

My mentally retarded male cousins friend *tried* to molest me at one point as well, but luckily I escaped him every time. Years later I found out he was regularly raping my cousin when he'd sleep over. My aunt knew about this and just looked the other way. My aunt and her sister were molested/raped by their grandfather, who also sexually assualted several of their older female relatives.

When I was 10 or so, a creepy guy walked up to me in a toy store and started telling me in very explicit detail about how he molests his neice. This conversation lasted about 10 minutes or so. Then he just walked off. Definately one of the stranged experiances of my life.

A few months later I was in line at McDonalds, and a little girl in front of me said out loud "daddy, are you going to have s-e-x with me again tonight?" Everyone in the room heard it, stood silent, and looked the other way.

Several of my friends have been molested or raped as well:

*Two girls I know, S and L, were being raped by their stepdad. Their stepmom blamed them for it and kicked them out of the house. They went to live with their dad, who was a cop. He couldn't do anything for them, so they both ran away. By ages 11 and 12, they were both homeless heroin junkies. That was 15 years ago. They're still homeless junkies.

*K was being raped by her brother from the age of 5 on. She ran away at 13 and also became a street junkie. She od'd and was pronounced dead not once, but 3 times. By 16 she cleaned up and last I knew, was back in school : ).

* And I know a LOT of girls who've gotten too drunk at parties and have had men forces themselves on them, no matter how many times they say no. One of my best friends would repeatedly get gang banged by her 'boyfriend' at the time, and his friends. She'd feel dirty about it the next day, yet kept trying to rationalise their actions.

You hear about the stripper/sexual assualt cliche' a lot, and I always thought that was an exxageration made up by sex-negative people for the sake of cutting strippers down. But I'm shocked that so far, this pole shows more than 2/3 of people who voted have experianced some sexual violation. My heart goes out to all of you.

holiday
12-04-2007, 10:47 PM
When I was 10 or so, a creepy guy walked up to me in a toy store and started telling me in very explicit detail about how he molests his neice. This conversation lasted about 10 minutes or so. Then he just walked off. Definately one of the stranged experiances of my life.

A few months later I was in line at McDonalds, and a little girl in front of me said out loud "daddy, are you going to have s-e-x with me again tonight?" Everyone in the room heard it, stood silent, and looked the other way.

Arghhhh!!!!!!! >:( This kills me!

PookaShell
12-05-2007, 02:55 AM
I wrote a poem about being raped but Im hesitant to share. It isn't very good.

RoseLeigh
12-05-2007, 03:27 AM
A few months later I was in line at McDonalds, and a little girl in front of me said out loud "daddy, are you going to have s-e-x with me again tonight?" Everyone in the room heard it, stood silent, and looked the other way.



OMG! What IS the protocol for this sort of situation? Can you even call child services on a random person in a McDs?

Sometimes it does seem like most of the people I know have been assaulted in some way. 2 of my friends from high school were raped or fought off rape by their brothers on repeated occasions. Both had little sisters and their parents did nothing.

Another one was raped twice in her teens by acquaintances, parents blamed her when she wanted to press charges for the first (and she did, sucessfully, though he only got 2 years). She ended up on heroin for years, but cleaned up and has a awesome toddler and is working on finishing school.

There were just... a lot.

PookaShell
12-05-2007, 03:57 AM
Okey doke. I just wrote this poem about the rape thing.....sorry its super long.

Do you remember that night?
Nearly two years ago?
If not, let me remind you.
Because there's somethings you should know.

You went to a party
And had too much to drink.
DId you think it was a good idea?
Or did you just not think?

When a young girl walked in ....
And you tried to catch her eye.
She'd come to pick up her friends, you see.
So she just smiled and said goodbye.

Do you remember her?
You asked her to help you out.
She agreed because she's like that.
But no one heard her shout...

When you led her to a dark garage.
And slammed the heavy door.
No one heard herh scream, you see.
When you threw her to the floor.

Is it coming back to you yet?
I know it has been years.
But does the screaming ring a bell?
Or that young girl's helpless tears?

If not, let me continue..
With what happened behind that door.
That girl's skin and clothing
Were the least of what you tore.

The world she had rebuilt
Was the world you tore apart.
But worst of all you crushed..
An already broken heart.

In your moment of power.
Of course that didn't matter.
But I bet if you'd been listening
You could have heard that girl's world shatter.

She'd long known pain and helplessness
So that was nothing new.
But she'd never felt her own soul breaking
Until the night that she met you.

When you'd gotten what you wanted
You ran - so I guess you still don't know.
The consequences this girl faced.
As a result of your little show.

You have no recollection
Of that night she spent at home.
Of hospitals or stitches.
All of it - alone.

And here's something you couldn't
Possibly remember.
You got the young girl pregnant.
He would have been born in late December.

So - How'd YOUR senior year go?
Graduation, parties, prom?
She spent hers trying to learn
How to be a mom.

Tha'ts not the plan God had for her
His will came into action
That girl got sick with a high fever.
Miscarriage was the reaction.

So know that you know this...
How do you feel?
Were you too drunk to remember?
Because for her it's quite real.

She know's you won't win, see
Cause final judgement leaves no room for lies.
She suffers now, you'll suffer then.
But still at night she cries.

For the world that she lives in.
The fight still ahead.
For the women she knows.
Who have words left unsaid.

She just thought you should know.
And oh - by the way.
If it matters to you.
Your late son's name is Trey.

RoseLeigh
12-05-2007, 04:08 AM
Pooka...:hug: That was a good poem! A very sad, good poem. You are awesome and brave, woman.

This thread makes me cry but it's also a little healing, you know?

PookaShell
12-05-2007, 04:18 AM
I know what you mean! And thanks. :)

Lady Jade
12-05-2007, 07:03 AM
Pooka, I :heartbeat you. That was such a sad, beautiful poem.

Vyanka
12-05-2007, 08:28 AM
Fortunately, i've never been raped or ever had someone attempt to. Thank God.

But i've had a few jackasses in the past grope me in such a disgusting way that has made me feel like i've been molested. >:(

Will
12-05-2007, 11:00 AM
I'm not going to point anyone out, but if you think we didn't do all we could for it not to happen, you are NUTS.

Post was removed.

cherry_sin
12-05-2007, 11:17 AM
I too voted first in the poll, but couldn't talk about it here - I've mentioned some of it before but not all of it. This probably still won't be all of it.

My stepdad started out touching me while I was sleeping. He beat me - and I do mean beat me - during the day, so I was scared I lay there and pretended I was asleep. I was homeschooled, didn't have any friends, not allowed out without my mom and dad, and didn't know better.

After a while, he wasn't satisfied with touching me - and he started forcing himself on me. Nightly. I fought back a total of once - he informed me if he couldn't get it from me he'd get it from my baby sister. That was enough. I lay back and let him.

My mom walked in on it once when I was twelve and freaked out, screaming at me, yelling at me for "taking her man" and "trying to take her place". She didn't beleive me - or couldn't - when I told her I didn't want it. At that point he got worse, cause now he knew she wouldn't do anything. I found out later he'd been telling her for a few months that I was coming on to him and he was resisting me.

At his hands I suffered my way through enemas, rape in every way possible, even a gangbang he set up with some people he met on a child porn site.

I'm infertile, thanks to three miscarriages before I was fifteen (without medical treatment) and a fireplace poker inserted too roughly and too far. I went through a lot of self injury and an eating disorder that still pops its ugly head up now and then.

I've gone from a victim to a survivor though. I am having fewer and fewer flashbacks and I sleep more and more soundly. I'm currently trying to find a good phoenix because I want it tattooed on me.

Some days are great. Other days are awful. Either way, I'm still alive and that says something.

SundayMorning
12-05-2007, 11:25 AM
I don't know how you do it. I'd have killed each and every one of these fuckers if they had done that to me. I am left with such fury that there isn't even a word for it in English, after reading things like that. How dare...fuck. I don't have the words.

holiday
12-05-2007, 11:32 AM
I'd have killed each and every one of these fuckers if they had done that to me.

It is easy to say that, and yes, I wish death on most of these people, men like Cherrysin's stepdad, but they did what they could in the situation, and it isn't a fault to have not acted differently.

Optimist
12-05-2007, 11:34 AM
Great sentiment but the fact is we'd be in jail if we chose to do that. If this society gave a murder pas in cases of rape it'd be ON!!! Until I'll cherish my freedom and the fact that I don't live in an angry sick mind/spirit day in and day out.

cherry_sin
12-05-2007, 02:05 PM
I was very violently angry - I even went to the point of spending a lot of time and money the year before I moved out getting a hold of cyanide (I did all the cooking). But in the end, I knew I didn't want it on my conscience. He killed the sweet, innocent, beautiful little girl that lived inside of me but he would never be able to touch the part of me that is/was/will always be far, far better than he is. That's what keeps me going a lot of days - that I had the chance to stoop down that low and didn't.

Now that I'm healing, though, I'm looking at it differently. He's constantly threatening to come find me, to hurt me, to rape me, to kill me, etc. because he found out I'm no longer keeping my mouth shut. At this point, my sister is out of the picture and I'm a grown woman. I don't have to worry about her any more - and I have the divine animal right to protect myself and my sanity. It gives me peace to know that he can't hurt me anymore without me fighting back.

I dunno. I don't have answers. I just know that one day he'll get what he deserves - and whether it's at my hands or someone else'sor even just a freak accident, justice will be served.

teeth_of_the_hydra
12-05-2007, 02:12 PM
^^^You are a damn tough girl with an amazingly huge heart. :hug:

RoseLeigh
12-05-2007, 03:37 PM
Cherry_sin, you are a amazingly strong woman. I don't know how you got through all that, but I'm glad you did. I had somethings happen with my stepdad as well, which I'm still trying to sort out. Sometimes I hate therapy, but damn girl, if you can survive all that, I can survive figuring my brain out, whatever comes out of it.

I also have to say I hope we've all learned that if your kid (or any kid) tells you stuff is awry, you listen!

cherry_sin
12-05-2007, 03:50 PM
Aw, thanks you guys.

And I agree with rose! NEVER EVER EVER disbeleive a child.

I hope things get better for you rose.

Will
12-05-2007, 03:51 PM
Sometimes I hate therapy, but damn girl, if you can survive all that, I can survive figuring my brain out, whatever comes out of it.


Therapy can be really hard, but it’s better than the sh*& sitting in your head and festering, then manifesting as self destructive behavior. Look at the numbers so far in the poll, about half the people responding have had some type of sexual abuse happen to them in their life time and we know it’s far more common than society wants to admit or deal with. All the more sad, is people who have had such events often feel very isolated and alone, as if they were the only person such terrible crap has happened to, when it’s really the reverse! Ironic and terrible. :-[

PaigeDWinter
12-05-2007, 08:09 PM
Ok so here I go....


Back when I was in upstate NY, I was in college #3. I would take the bus to and from school because I lost my car. I would get home around 11pm every night. From there I'd walk about 12 blocks through duplexish suburbs to my apartment that I shared with two women and a kiddo. Well across the street from where I got off the bus was a bar. A guy came out of there as I was getting off the bus and crossed the street in front of me. I really didn't think anything of it. He was walking ahead of me by about a block. When we got to my road, I was still about a block and a half from home. He was then half a block ahead. He turned into the little walkway to one house and I expected him to go inside. But as I passed, he turned around and came up behind me. He grabbed me and yanked backwards until I landed on my ass on the sidewalk (and re-broke my tail bone). He tried to cover my mouth from behind me and fumbled at my pants as I tried to scream and kick and hit and anything. He wreaked of booze and cigs. I must have put up too much of a fight for his drunk ass because he finally let go and ran off. I ran home screaming for help (and got nothing, not even a look out the windows of the neighbors) and called 911. The cops found him and I ID'd him and then was told that they couldn't let me press charges "because he was drunk" and he was only held overnight in jail while I was in the ER for the whole night because of my back. That man was never punished. Never.

RoseLeigh
12-05-2007, 08:21 PM
*hugs Paige* Isn't it great that if the victim is drunk, we're responsible for another's actions, but if the attacker is drunk, well, come on-how could he be responsible for thier own actions? I just don't get people's rationalizations...

Kaiyla
12-05-2007, 08:36 PM
I have not been raped and as far as I know, I have not been assaulted/molested either but it burns me to the core thinking about what such hateful evil fucking people did to so many innocent human beings that have shared their stories here. I think all of you are living testaments to bravery and you are all the ultimate survivors. :grouphug: :hug:

gingerlee
12-05-2007, 10:23 PM
I saw my biological dad a couple weeks ago, against my better judgement. I wanted my SO to see how he lived so I could never end up the way my dad is. I went to my dad's house, the house I was molested in for years, but my dad wasn't there. I went to his church and once his service was over he came down to talk to me. He grabbed my hand just like he did when I was a little girl and all I could do was go with him. I froze inside, because in that moment I saw the evil that is inside my father, the evil I have been running from my whole life.

We went to eat some dinner, and even though I had my SO with me, my father thought we were on a date together. Father and daughter, on an actual date. I didn't have the guts to tell him we weren't, and that thinking that was fucking sick. I just sat there listening to him talk for half an hour. He kept telling me he loved me over and over, and I told him I loved him back. I wanted to scream at him, or do something to show him that even now what he did to me growing up still messes with me, but I didn't.

I haven't forgiven him for what he did to me and my sister, and for years I've just been waiting on him to die, but I can't actually do that. He's my dad and he's sick, and nobody else will take care of him so I'm stuck doing it. I hate him, but I can't just leave him on his own living the way he does.

Rock and a hard place. That's where I'm at. Fuck....

nicole84
12-05-2007, 10:27 PM
^^^^welcome to the world of family.

my father beat me for many years and is a raging alcoholic, and yet, even though he is old and sick, i cant just cut him out of my life...even though i want to.

Katrine
12-05-2007, 10:30 PM
[QUOTE=holiday;1312797]

I have never been raped, although twice I've avoided it by using the method of it won't be rape if I just stop saying no. /QUOTE]

Oh, I feel you on that one.

paintgoddess
12-06-2007, 12:24 AM
Yes. Molested for 10 years (that I can remember).... by my own mother. As cold as it sounds, I can honestly say that the day she dies will be the HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.


^^^I've read through this whole thread wondering if there would be one other person out there like me. My mother sexually abused me for YEARS as a kid as well as physically and emotionally abusing me. She'd rip clothes off of me and tell me I was a whore and to go change, only to rip more off of me and cut my clothes up in front of me. Stick my head in the toilet and have me repeat after her "I'm a little shit" *flush* I was told every day that I was a whore. She exposed me many times while ripping off clothes in front of my father. Oh. And this was on the way to church many-a-time.

I left home at 17 absolutely ASHAMED of my sexuality. To this day I have only been with one man because I am afraid that if I am with more than one that I will be a whore. I want to cry when people tell me about their amazing sexual experiences because I don't have much to share. I won't let myself.

Sad thing is, that my mom was sexually abused by her father and never got help for it. She just passed down the shame. Thanks, mom.

teeth_of_the_hydra
12-06-2007, 03:04 PM
^^^I've read through this whole thread wondering if there would be one other person out there like me. My mother sexually abused me for YEARS as a kid as well as physically and emotionally abusing me. She'd rip clothes off of me and tell me I was a whore and to go change, only to rip more off of me and cut my clothes up in front of me. Stick my head in the toilet and have me repeat after her "I'm a little shit" *flush* I was told every day that I was a whore. She exposed me many times while ripping off clothes in front of my father. Oh. And this was on the way to church many-a-time.

I left home at 17 absolutely ASHAMED of my sexuality. To this day I have only been with one man because I am afraid that if I am with more than one that I will be a whore. I want to cry when people tell me about their amazing sexual experiences because I don't have much to share. I won't let myself.

Sad thing is, that my mom was sexually abused by her father and never got help for it. She just passed down the shame. Thanks, mom.

That is really awful, sweetpea. I am so sorry to hear you went through that. You used to live/work around here, right? It's too bad you're not here anymore... if you were, you'd get this in person: :hug:


Just a few minutes ago, and by pure coincidence, I stumbled across something on the internet that reminded me of how I'm still really fucked up over all the stuff that's happened to me. I am not, like, emotionally capable of going into detail, but I do really want to explain the part that's bothering me, just to get it off my chest.

So okay. The worst thing about me is how depressive I am. Not worst as in blameworthy or culpable, but worst as in most wretched, most miserable, and definitely most dangerous. Like, I'm cute and funny and stuff, but the creepy thing about me is that I know I am a deeply scary kid who, for some inexplicable reason, feels compelled to be really, really self-destructive. When I get depressed, I don't sit in the dark and cry, or eat a lot, or anything like that. Instead, I start doing really dangerous things. Like gashing my wrists open, or abandoning my home and not telling anyone where I'm going, or getting involved with drugs/ drug dealing, or meeting strange men in secluded places under dubious circumstances.

Anyway, I never intended to have sex, or do anything sexy, with any of these people. But I wasn't suprised, either, after things happened. I kind of... liked?... no, that's not the right word... felt satisfied? by the fact that I had gotten what I deserved, or something. But I didn't really like it, of course. I just felt like a hole had been filled by the punishment. I was first sexually assaulted at 17. Rape is a weird word for it, I can't make myself say rape. I've considered that my self-destructive behavior might have something to do with the first assault but that almost seems like a cop-out.


So yeah... when people say "it's not the victim's fault," I believe that's true, in all cases but my own.


Anyway, sorry about the utter unintelligibility of this post, all my words bleed together when I talk about stuff like this. Thanks for reading, though.

AlexxaHex
12-06-2007, 03:35 PM
:grouphug: for all of you....
I can't even begin to respond or individually address any of this. I'm just really saddened by it and hope that each and every victim here can heal somehow. And if you are reading this and you are a victim of rape or assault and haven't come out and said anything or admitted to anyone what happened to you, my heart goes out to you too.

Bella21
12-06-2007, 05:04 PM
Okay, I guess the first time I've ever admitted this to anyone but myself... I'm not even sure if I've been raped or not. I was a dumbass and took two somas (in my apartment with my ex-bf's dad) and woke up with a skirt (that I hadn't been wearing before) as a dress... in bed (my last memory was sitting with him on my couch)... alone the next morning. I didn't do a rape test (because I was young and fucking stupid), but I spent a lot of time feeling myself (no soreness) and smelling myself (no scent of sex or condom... just me). So yea, I'm not sure... he probably just molested me.

dollyrocker
12-06-2007, 05:24 PM
^^^I've read through this whole thread wondering if there would be one other person out there like me. My mother sexually abused me for YEARS as a kid as well as physically and emotionally abusing me. She'd rip clothes off of me and tell me I was a whore and to go change, only to rip more off of me and cut my clothes up in front of me. Stick my head in the toilet and have me repeat after her "I'm a little shit" *flush* I was told every day that I was a whore. She exposed me many times while ripping off clothes in front of my father. Oh. And this was on the way to church many-a-time.

I left home at 17 absolutely ASHAMED of my sexuality. To this day I have only been with one man because I am afraid that if I am with more than one that I will be a whore. I want to cry when people tell me about their amazing sexual experiences because I don't have much to share. I won't let myself.

Sad thing is, that my mom was sexually abused by her father and never got help for it. She just passed down the shame. Thanks, mom.

I'm really sorry to hear about this, but am also glad to hear from someone else out there whos gone through the same thing, as I've never met/heard from anyone who has. My mom too was psychically and emotionally abusive in addition to sexually abusive. I have a LOT of self esteem issues thanks to her. Somehow I can pretend to be confident at work, but in 'real life' I'm reeeally self concious and even paranoid of other people.

My mom sent me a lot of mixed messages, because on one hand she'd constantly tell me how 'sexy' I was (this started around age 4, talk about creepy), molested me, and even encouraged me to act provocatively towards guys. I had a stalker at age 10, and she thought it was just GREAT that this middle aged perv was lusting after me. She actually got mad that I was creeped out. :O Yet at the same time, she would constantly tell me horror stories to try and scare me - she'd always say things like "Don't go out with your friends or you'll get raped". Everything seemed to be "you'll get raped if......." She instilled a lot of fear in me which I still haven't shaken.

If you ever need someone to vent/relate to you're more than welcome to pm me. *hugs*

dollyrocker
12-06-2007, 05:31 PM
So yeah... when people say "it's not the victim's fault," I believe that's true, in all cases but my own.


No, it wasn't your fault. Theres NO SUCH THING as the victim/survivors fault, ever. If there were, that would mean the victimizer had the right.

MinahSky
12-06-2007, 06:22 PM
My mother moved one of my molestor's INTO OUR HOUSE after I told her what he did, beat me almost every day of my minor life, let my father beat me within an inch of my life when he was around, excused the other molestor for being "slow" (funny, he knew what sex was and when to do it and not get caught), told me after the ordeal was over that she knew the person had raped me and gotten me pregnant and robbed me for all I had when I supported her anyway.

I haven't shed a tear since she died.

scarlett_vancouver
12-06-2007, 06:49 PM
Oh jeez. This thread is...I'm so sorry that so many have been through so much.

I marked 'attempted'...a 'friend' and two aquaintances were high or drunk or something, and two held me down while the other was going to rape me. They had a camera set up to film it...I think I scared my friend with my screaming and anger, he let up briefly and I RAN, no shoes or underwear.

I consider myself very lucky.

Madcap
12-08-2007, 04:02 AM
By the way, i want to apologize for my goofy, knee jerk, anger reaction post a few pages ago. It was sorta out of frustration at reading this stuff. I meant no harm by it, but it was terribly inappropriate.

LilyLove
12-08-2007, 04:22 AM
I wish I could personally respond to each and every person who responded to this thread. Each and every one of your stories moved me. I cried for each and every one of you. I'm serious about that... I couldn't read a single story in here without bawling. I don't really know how to compose this post... I don't know what to say, because there are no words to say that are right for this.

As for me, I feel a little more unburdened by sharing my experiences with you. Thank you for letting me share, thank you for being there for me, thank you for letting me cry.

Thank you for letting this thread be what it needed to be, and not letting it disolve into petty fights.

To all those who answered the poll but didn't feel comfortable posting in the thread, I am with you too. I'm here for anyone who wants to talk. PM's or on the phone or right here in this thread.

I'm heartsick. I guess there's not a smiley for that. So I hope my words are enough.

VenusGoddess
12-08-2007, 06:29 AM
I was sexually assaulted/raped by an ex-boyfriend. I won't go into the details because they are not important.

However, because of feeling like I was such a bad person and I should have been stronger, I almost killed myself. By not telling anyone what happened, I let the tearing by the rape fester into almost full blown PID...where my fevers were hitting almost 104.5 and I couldn't even gently lay my hand on my abdomen because of the pain...the discharges were terrible and yet I was still afraid to say anything because I didn't want my parents to hate me. My mom finally rushed me to the doctor and I ended up being on massive meds and all...but even then, I still had a hard time admitting I was raped ("That doesn't happen to people like me...").

I went through therapy for many, many years. I started therapy due to a severe eating disorder (bulimia/anorexia) and wouldn't you know that, although not the root of the problem, being raped and not "dealing" with it was a HUGE factor in my ED. It was something I could control out of the feeling of being out of control.

My life is much more different now. One thing I learned from the rape experience is trusting my gut instinct. If I had listened to my instincts, it never would have happened, because I would not have been in the situation. That is not to say that I am at fault for the rape...I'm not...HE is. However, I am responsible for ignoring my klaxon horns screaming to leave...and I didn't. It has made me very aware that when your mind/body/soul/etc tells you to MOVE or LEAVE or whatever, you do it. And, that is what I now do...and that is what I teach my daughter to do. Never, ever ignore that little voice that will not steer you wrong.

I'm so sorry to hear some of your experiences. It is a horrible thing to go through.

I'm sending you all a :hug:. Being raped is definitely not the end of the world...and by learning that you are still a wonderful, whole human being and that the world is still a magical place in which you learn and grow...you can regain some of that love/light/life/innocence/etc that you feel you lost as a result of the rape.

My hope for all of you who have experienced an assault/rape/child molestation peace within your life to find yourselves. There is nothing wrong with you and you did nothing wrong. If anyone needs an ear to listen (or eyes to read) please do not hesitate to PM me.

:hug:

Circe
12-08-2007, 08:08 AM
My heart goes out to all on here. I have never been raped or sexually assaulted, but we've had sexual predators in my family and I've seen the devastation sexual assault/rape can wreak.

Whilst rape cannot always be prevented, you can try to minimize your chances of it occuring. I encourage all women to take a self defense course, and yes, as stated above ALWAYS listen to your gut instinct. You may also want to check out the book The Gift of Fear, with regards to this.

kikidejavu
03-23-2008, 10:10 PM
Deep breath....ok...... i was *gulp* raped. i have never admitted that to myself.
the guy was a friend of a friend who liked me. he said he needed to talk, so i told him we could sit out on my porch.

as soon as he got to my house he pushed his way into the house, and i should have known he was gonna start some some shit.
after we talked for a few minutes he forced me into the wall, kissing me so hard and groping. i tried to tell him to stop, but his mouth was over mine.
at this point i still didnt know he was serious, and figured he would stop soon. he didn't and carried me into my room, pulled up my skirt, and attempted oral on me.
i pushed him away, and ran. he caught me, threw me on the bed, and sat on me.
he put his dick in my face, and i put my teeth on it. his raised his hand and said he would slap the shit out of me if i bit him. no man had ever raised a hand to me, and for the first time, i was scared. i remembered he said that if he wanted me to "taste his dick" then i was gonna taste it.

from there it's blurry......but i do know at some point since i had had so many sex partners before him, i said "what the fuck? what's one more?" and stopped fighting him.
it was new years.

i later found out he had a disease, and was going around raping younger girls.
i also later found out he had given me an std not hiv, but i still think about it everyday, that why didn't i take him serious? why didn't i fight him like i was fighting for my life?

im tramatized and angry, and im just now realizing it. wow.