View Full Version : My boyfriend sucked d*ck before he met me??? :(
LadySoft
12-06-2007, 05:17 PM
So here's the deal, we are about two months into a very serious relationship. For the first month, I was messing around, not proud of it and I know I can change. I admitted everything to him and we had a rough time with it but I think that things are going to work out. We really have a shot at greatness. BUT the other night he told me that earlier this year, maybe 7 or 8 months ago- He answered TWO craigslist ads and gave and received oral sex with another man, (using condoms) He said he just wanted to see what a d*ck in his mouth felt like, that he was lonely and pretty much surrounded by it. For those of you who don't live in Southern California, West Hollywood is our "gay" part of town so a lot of the customers coming into the convienence store where he works are gay. He could have hooked up with one of them but he did it anonymously, no cell #'s exchanged, got pretty fucked up first, then went and did it. He said they didn't even get off, that he finished in the bathroom.
This isn't really a question, but I was curious what you ladies think about it. I'm very liberal sexually and I don't think he's gay or anything, but it still messes with me.
So he's probably bisexual...Its way harder for guys to come out the closet than females, so they keep their sex life as a secret. One thing I can say for sure is that, at least he told you he messed around with men b4. Its better than not knowing and probably later on catching something.
Who knows, he might get the urge someday and try it again. As long as he's honest with you and safe about his sex practices, it shouldn't bother much.
head turner
12-06-2007, 06:39 PM
I couldn't be with a man that was once with a dude. It is just not a turn on for me. Emasculating in my eyes.
Not even going to touch on beastiality. I agree with tiger, they are as bad as child rapists, if not worse. (if that is possible)
Flick6
12-06-2007, 06:45 PM
There is something called beast tube, like youtube but for, um, pervs. There is a video on there of a dog that is muzzled, his legs are TIED UP, and he appears to be drugged or something while this chick is sucking his dick. It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. There are also pics of men having sex with male and female dogs. I curse the person who gave me the link. And HOW can that be legal to put on the web? Fuck.
/tj.
Eek that is gross, I guess I have been sheltered in the beastiality I have had the misfortune of seeing. the only thing i've seen where the animal wasn't doing the fucking was some hideous thing where a woman was ummm pleasuring herself with a fish, very gross. But raping an animal is very not cool in my books.
Lol I have heard of beasttube, but I know my limits I would spew if I sat down and watched random clips yuk yuk.
Pamela
12-06-2007, 06:47 PM
There is something called beast tube, like youtube but for, um, pervs. There is a video on there of a dog that is muzzled, his legs are TIED UP, and he appears to be drugged or something while this chick is sucking his dick. It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. There are also pics of men having sex with male and female dogs. I curse the person who gave me the link. And HOW can that be legal to put on the web? Fuck.
/tj.
Hell a friend mentioned that site to me....wtf is up with that? Here's to hoping it goes down. >:(
beautiful.
12-06-2007, 07:34 PM
I was all cool with him smoking the sausage but after the masturbating to animal porn.... not so much :no: People who do that are in the same category to me as people getting off to children. :yuck: :ziplip:
I agree 100%
zxcire
12-06-2007, 07:39 PM
I agree 100%
Me too.
Animals and children are off fucking limits.
beautiful.
12-06-2007, 07:42 PM
OMFG. Okay, so being a curious person I found the beast tube site and I'm very sorry I did. I saw a video of a lady sucking a horse off and her son was fucking her from behind. Jesus. I don't even know what to say to that.
TheSexKitten
12-06-2007, 08:58 PM
Yeah the sucking a guy's dick thing? No big deal, kinda hot actually.
But the bestiality thing...? I would suggest finsing a guy that ISN'T into coercive paraphilia.
ahmeerah
12-06-2007, 09:04 PM
I think I missed the part about him masturbating to animal porn. That would freak me out. But I'd ask him WHY?! WHY?! I'm curious to know what's going on in people's heads that makes them turned on by this.
Alaska
12-07-2007, 02:21 AM
Okay I noticed there are a lot of "sexually liberal" opinions on this thread.
I'm gonna stick up for myself ahead of time and say no way am I old fashioned, but a guy that is interested in feeling another cock in his mouth, and goes so far as to actually do it......ON CL.....................is gay or bi and this problem will resurface for his lifetime partner. It's just about being okay with being a gay guy's girlfriend.
I def DON'T think things like "it's a double standard" and "we fool around, why can't they?" and "we do it, we just get to talk about it, they do it just as much and don't talk about it."
StrawberrySwitchblade
12-07-2007, 03:09 AM
Eh, not always. Bicurious is also an issue. Tried it, din't like it, moved on. It's been done.
Alaska
12-07-2007, 03:12 AM
I think I missed the part about him masturbating to animal porn.
omfG I quickly need a Christmas tree to look at.
Pamela
12-07-2007, 09:36 AM
Eh, not always. Bicurious is also an issue. Tried it, din't like it, moved on. It's been done.
I think it would be fair to say he had a Homosexual experience, no?
TheSexKitten
12-07-2007, 06:07 PM
^^ yeah but that doesn't make him homosexual or bisexual. And if he is slightly bisexual, aren't a lot of us bisexual too?? As long as he's not seeing men (or women!!) while you're together...
Alaska
12-07-2007, 08:11 PM
it doesn't make him homosexual or bisexual? for real? that's where men and women are different, i do so wholeheartedly believe. no guy that does it is %100 straight, that is for damn sure.
TheSexKitten
12-07-2007, 08:58 PM
No actually it's quite common for otherwise heterosexual people to have homosexual fantasies. When they act on these fantasies out of curiosity, they may or may not discover that they are quite heterosexual.
Alaska
12-07-2007, 09:01 PM
i dunno, he did it twice. i'd have my guard up.
PrincessShea
12-07-2007, 10:25 PM
I used to be with a guy who took it up the ass.
A little akward when the topic of anal sex come up and he could relate to the "receiving" experience...
But blowing another guy isn't TOO terrible IMO. Could've been worse.
242_fair
12-08-2007, 12:10 AM
They way you describe it happening, sounds likely to happen again.
Personally I could not deal with it. Isn't there enough to worry about when he is promiscuous about the opposite sex... plus you have to wonder about same-sex potential cheating too?
TheSexKitten
12-08-2007, 12:34 AM
But isn't it essentially the same issue? If you're worried he will fool around behind your back, the real issue is not the gender of the hypothetical other people he'll be fooling around with, it's the fact that there's not enough trust.
Alaska
12-08-2007, 12:47 AM
Trust in the fact he might one day not be attracted to her anymore! (and not his fault) Can't change that!
Bella21
12-08-2007, 04:32 AM
Well, since you asked for thoughts and opinions... :)
You need to understand and accept your boundaries of what you think is okay. Not everyone is going to have the same threshold of pain, and that's okay. (Personally, my threshold of pain is waaay before cheating and beastiality though.)
Bella21
12-08-2007, 04:35 AM
Trust in the fact he might one day not be attracted to her anymore! (and not his fault) Can't change that!
That is a risk on many different levels... not necessarily because he wakes up one morning and decides that he never wants to see another vagina again because he's completely homosexual. I believe she was just talking about trust that your SO won't cheat on you... male OR female.
Cheating is cheating. I'm bi, but I don't want a gf since I have a bf. Loving someone is about considering their feelings instead of doing whatever you want. Trust is about making future predictions based on past actions.
KennedyWinters
12-08-2007, 05:42 AM
I think I should clarify that the bestiality porn in question was specifically a woman blowing a horse and a woman getting effed by a dog. Both incidents were where the animals seemed to be enjoying it as much or more then the human. Nothing remotely near child pornography!!!!!! I think we girls, who do not regularly search and download porn may lose sight of the fact that it gets sorta boring seeing and jerking to the same shit always. I could understood downloading and masturbating to something like that if it showed up in a search, was free, and then suddenly playing before my very eyes while my c*ck was already in my hand...maybe I have a lot of empathy but I just don't see anything wrong, the whole thing just makes him more interesting and worth knowing versus being a repellent
KennedyWinters
12-08-2007, 05:45 AM
And to address those who think he might stray from me: now that I am officially a cheater? I'm not afraid of him returning the favor and it is a risk I'm willing to take because I luuuurve him to death and I'm lucky he found it in his heart to forgive me and believe I'm capable of change!
Circe
12-08-2007, 05:55 AM
The reason people are comparing beastiality and child porn is because both are not truly aware of what they are doing, and thus cannot truly consent the way an adult can. If you are unable to consent, it ceases to become sex and becomes sexual assault or rape.
It doesn't matter if the animal enjoys the sensation. They can't communicate with us and consent the way another human adult can. There doesn't have to be pain invloved for it to be abuse.
KennedyWinters
12-08-2007, 03:27 PM
But have you seen any of the average hardcore porn out there these days? A LOT of it looks like it's non-consensual and abusive! Normal upstanding citizens get off to that type of shit daily....I see nothing wrong with it. Anything we humans create is something that is a part of us as a race inately. What do you think about the image of a woman bound and gagged?
TigersMilk
12-08-2007, 03:31 PM
That he or she consented to be being bound and gagged. He or she is also getting paid to be bound and gagged.
The animal that is being fucked or being sucked off does not have any way of giving consent. Would be ok with your bf fucking that cat you're holding?
KennedyWinters
12-08-2007, 03:45 PM
Point taken TigersMilk, but to be fair we are talking about just watching and fantasizing, not actually doing. I guess I just have a very high tolerance for perversions and people's twisted imaginations. What about two adults pretending to be cats while they do it? Like big scratching miaowing cats in heat?
TigersMilk
12-08-2007, 03:50 PM
Still they are both consenting adults. The problem for me lies in that the animal has no way of consenting to the sexual act. They cannot stop it unless they become violent and still at times they do not know the difference between right and wrong. People that get off to such abuse to animals means that they are not right in the head. If I found someone watching someone sexually abusing my cat that way they would both be dead.
Imo, there is nothing ok about watching or being involved with sexual acts with animals.
Bella21
12-08-2007, 04:42 PM
If I found someone watching someone sexually abusing my cat that way they would both be dead.
TM makes another excellent point... if I saw someone doing ANYTHING sexual to my ferret, they'd be knocked upside the head with the nearest blunt object. I really don't think that animals have any desire to fuck humans, really. It's sort of like talking someone with a serious mental disability into it. Do they want it? Do you know? Nope. It's taking advantage of an innocent living being.
Sure, I looked at the aforementioned site with the sick train-wreck fascination a la 2girls1cup... but it's not like I'm going to whip out my vibe (or pay for it or film it... and I didn't even watch it that much because I didn't want those people to see the hits and have more encouragement to do it). If people don't watch it, it won't be made (I just made myself feel really guilty).
xoxoGracexoxo
12-08-2007, 04:50 PM
It sounds like your boyfriend is a bit of kinkster, that is, that he gets on off on taboo sexual acts (homoerotic sex, bestiality) specifically because they are taboo.
If, while a person is growing up and developing sexually, the idea that sex is "bad" or "naughty" or "gross" or "disturbing" is somehow enforced, a person may come to associate the ideas of badness, naughtiness, or grossnes with sex itself. When they encounter something they find disturbing or disgusting, it may excite them for that very reason. Without getting super techncial, their brain chemistry will have a "disgust" response, but they will programmed themselves to interperate the signal as "sexy." Most people people experience this at least a little -- think about how the words "dirty" and "sexy" are almost interchangeable in our language today.
Ideas about what's sexy and what's disgusting change all the time. Twenty years ago, anal sex was an obscure kink that most people would have found gross; now it's practicallyt de rigeur among co-eds across the nation. Lesbianism is hip and hot now; a hundred years ago it was a vile perversion nobody even talked about.
That's not to say nobody was doing these things -- anything that humans can do, humans will do, and always have done. It's just the standards of social tolerance that change.
It goes both ways, too. Things that were perfectly normal at one time may become taboo. In the West, a century or so ago, a man marrying his 14-year-old cousin would be totally unremarkable. Nowadays, it's both pedophilia and incest.
I think it's great that your boyfriend was so open with you about his past, and hopefully you have been equally open with him. You sound like you both accept each other's quirks, which is a plus. Because while it's fine to be kinky and fine to be straight, a relationship between a kinky person and a straight person is a challenge.
Personally I'm all for keeping sex between consenting human adults. But I've dated a guy who sucked cock before, and it wasn't really a big issue. He wasn't less of a man, I wasn't less of a woman, and he didn't leave me for another dude. It was just another sexy thing in our relationship.
Pretty_Penny
12-08-2007, 04:56 PM
all i'm going to say about the animal porn thing is...... dude.. wtf?
but i will say this about bisexuality:
my boyfriend and i are both bisexual. he has been with men before (i've actually been there every time). he's been with women before too (obviously). he is attracted to both sexes, as am i, and i have no idea why this such a hard concept for people to accept. we have been together for over 4 and 1/2 years and it's the best and most healthy relationship of my life... and i hope for it to be that way till we are both old farts.
#1. anyone who doesn't think men can be bisexual is sheltered and/or closed minded.
#2. i am offended by the thought of people thinking i'm a "gay guys girlfriend". i am a bisexual guys girlfriend. if i were a gay guys girlfriend he wouldn't be attracted to me physically.. and to say so is to say that my boyfriend would rather be with someone else, and i find that offensive.
imagine you're in a great relationship, and everyone thinks you're perfect, and then they find out your boyfriend has been with other men and suddenly they feel sorry for you. like "oh that poor girl, she's in denial" or "that guy is in denial"
H.A.T.E.R.S
:P
Dottie Rebel
12-09-2007, 02:16 AM
^^Preach it, sister.
Fuck this joint. I'm out. If I wanted to hang out with bigots I'd go to work a lot more often.
AlexxaHex
12-09-2007, 12:07 PM
What exactly defines a homosexual or bisexual? Like, how many BJs do you have to give to belong to the Rainbow Club?
beautiful.
12-09-2007, 01:17 PM
my boyfriend and i are both bisexual. he has been with men before (i've actually been there every time). he's been with women before too (obviously). he is attracted to both sexes, as am i, and i have no idea why this such a hard concept for people to accept. we have been together for over 4 and 1/2 years and it's the best and most healthy relationship of my life... and i hope for it to be that way till we are both old farts.
I just wanted to say I think that is wonderful. I wish you two the best :)
TheSexKitten
12-09-2007, 01:31 PM
Thank you, Pretty Penny!! I can't believe the hypocrisy!
xoxoGracexoxo
12-09-2007, 05:16 PM
What exactly defines a homosexual or bisexual? Like, how many BJs do you have to give to belong to the Rainbow Club?
Seriously. And that's the problem with trying to label something as fluid as sexual identity. You end up stuck in these silly conversations about how many blowjobs a guy has to give before he is officially gay, and whether it makes a difference if he swallows, and what if he didn't actually like it, is he still gay?
Bah. People like to have sex with each other. No big deal.
Pretty_Penny
12-09-2007, 05:36 PM
Seriously. And that's the problem with trying to label something as fluid as sexual identity. You end up stuck in these silly conversations about how many blowjobs a guy has to give before he is officially gay, and whether it makes a difference if he swallows, and what if he didn't actually like it, is he still gay?
Bah. People like to have sex with each other. No big deal.
exactly. there's no "how many dicks/pussys does it take..."
a persons sexuality should be of no concern to you unless you are dating them... and if you -ARE- then the only thing that should matter (IMO) is wether or not they are attracted to -you-.
not if they have been/might be/maybe some day would be attracted to the same sex.
and there totally -is- a double standard, in more than one way.
do you think most guys worry about their girl being gay and leaving them for a chick because she's slept with girls in the past?
no
why?
because it's acceptable for women to be bi (but only in a SEXUAL sense) and of course they're just being "cute" or "horny". i mean they couldn't actually LEAVE a guy for another woman for -emotional- reasons. that thought is just too "weird". that's how a lot of people think.
pfftt.
kind of like how, when i dated a girl, everyone said i was a "lesbian" and when i later dated a guy people said i was "over that phase" or "not gay anymore"
because bisexual has become a cute term for girls who like to "play gay" and many people refuse to believe that people (of both sexes) can honestly be attracted mentally and physically to both the opposite and the same sex.
and i just KNOW if i ever dated a woman again, some people would say i "turned gay"
>_<
RoseWhite
12-10-2007, 07:04 PM
^^^ Agreed with the above in total. (And not just 'cause I have a crush on Pretty Penny :P )
VegasPrincess
12-12-2007, 06:13 PM
I don't think it's weird he sucked dick, but I do think it's weird he was answering adds of craigslist. That shit creeps me out. But hey I am not a dude! LOL
SundayMorning
12-12-2007, 10:21 PM
It kind of reminds me of the dreaded "coming out" conversation I had with my mom. It was when The Hubby was still The Fiance; I'd never told them because it had never come up and was never relevant (I've never dated a girl or I'd have told them sooner). Anyway, as soon as I told her I was bi, she immediately assumed I meant "actively bisexual," as in "I'm still sleeping with women." She was sooooo upset and worried that I was sabotaging our upcoming marriage.
Like, is a straight man suddenly not straight anymore once he gets married? No, he's still attracted to women. So why does "bisexual" = "sleeping with everyone"? Why does it matter that I'm attracted to women just because I'm married? (Ignore the fact that we're in an open relationship.) Either I'm happy with him or I'm not. And if I'm not, I'll find someone better regardless of my gender attractions.
I don't know if I explained that well or not but I wanted to chime in.