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xdamage
01-17-2008, 05:46 PM
That's EXACTLY how I feel. It doesn't help that I'm kind of scarred now because in the past, people did think I was just being a baby, and were very cruel to me... when I really did have a problem and needed the medication.

If your insulin level was too low, nobody would think worse of you for taking artificial insulin or a drug that stimulates insulin production or a drug that decreased insulin uptake, if you needed it to restore insulin to a healthy level. Same with thyroid levels, testosterone, estrogen, etc. It just sucks that we still have people who are fine with all of that, but not when it comes to medications that correct brain chemistry levels.

Pamela
01-17-2008, 09:16 PM
Ack. Maybe one day our society will grow up. If your brain chemistry is off, it's not something to be ashamed of.

Completely correct! If i hear one more person my daughter works with tell her to just calm down and get a grip, i'm going to kick their fucking ass!

She came in crying the other night, she could not make it to her bf's home. He called her, i heard her crying in her room i went in and asked what's going on? She said *Dick* did not understand why she can't get a damn grip and be normal. I grabbed her cell and i told him if I EVER see him i will and oh i WILL kick his mother fuckin ASS. Now she is not seeing him...because he is still hung up on her panic attacks. I forbid her to see that piece of shit while living under my roof.

britt244
01-18-2008, 11:01 AM
maaaan, i thought iw as going to lose it on the way to my day job this morning. schools were an hour late, so that meant i hit BAD city traffic. i was in my car, screaming, hitting the steering wheel, freaking out, because i was going to be late. and then i tried to go a diff way, and my gps was telling me to turn on streets that werent anywhere near where i was.

jessica_rabbit
01-18-2008, 11:21 AM
Yipes! I had my first panic attack in a long time last night. My meds are really good about controlling them so I don't usually have a problem. And when I do have them they are almost always right before I go to bed. This one happened after work while I was at a friends house. My friend didn't know about my panic attacks (he does now), but he was super cool about it. He offered me a xanax and told me I could lie down and spend the night (nothing shady, he's a cool guy), but I really just wanted to get home to my own bed so I could cry and shake in peace. I really HATE for anyone to see me like that, I absolutely need to be alone. When someone is around I find myself controlling my symptoms and trying to act normal, when the best thing for me is to let it all out and wait for it to run its course.

Anyway, the point of this is that I had the worst drive home in the history of my dancing career. I live an hour from work, and lemme tell ya, it took a lot longer than that last night. I had to pull over a number of times to collect myself. One time I even made myself throw up because my stomach kept turning and would not calm down. I know it's a bad panic attack when that happens, because I hardly ever do that. Ugh. Anyway, it was awful.

But all is well now. I'm drained from the whole episode, but a lifetime of dealing with it has taught me a few things. And anyone who doubts that anxiety/panic attacks are truly a chemical dysfunction can kiss my a$$. They are not psychosomatic and as far as I can tell I don't have any known emotional triggers. It happens randomly and in my case is purely physiological. It's so hard to explain to people and I'm so grateful there is medication that can help. Thanks for letting me share my miserable night.

veronicavale
01-20-2008, 12:21 AM
I broke down at work tonight and had to go home early. I couldn't stop crying. It was almost my birthday (at midnight) and I was just overwhelmingly lonely and sad. I started thinking about how this would be my first birthday without my mom and I seriously bawled my eyes out. I feel stupid because I don't want my manager to think I'm nuts. My mom passed in August, and I just feel like I should be okay by now...even though I know it takes time. I'm gonna go take an ativan and try to go to sleep because I feel all shaky now. Stupid anxiety/grief!

Mily
01-20-2008, 12:39 AM
^ :hug: Get some rest, hun.

BalletBaby
01-20-2008, 01:03 PM
On my drive to New Orleans yesterday I started getting really anxious. I kept thinking 'What if my car breaks down?' 'What if they don't hire me?' 'What if I don't make any money?' What if, what if, what if. I almost felt like I was gonna throw up.

And a few days ago I had a school related panic attack. I went to see my counselour, and the closest thing to business I can major in is Agribusiness. I don't want to do Agribusiness. I swear every other day I'm freaking out about my future. I have no flippin' clue what I wanna do and everytime I think about it I break down in tears.

britt244
01-20-2008, 01:10 PM
^ pm me if you ever wanna talk about that. it will fall into place, i promise. a few months ago i was freaking OUT about my future. but now things are just fine.

Sillycat7
01-20-2008, 04:32 PM
Hi Darcy I know what it's like to experience the horror of extreme panic and anxiety, and I also know that it is a treatable condition. About a year ago I would awaken each morning feeling as though the day of my execution had arrived. I could usually get to sleep at night feeling fairly relaxed, but the mornings were terrible. Then one Sunday last September I awoke at three o'clock in the morning feeling as though I had just been hurled against the gates of Hell. I have never been so scared in my life. It was as though some little black box had jarred open inside my head letting escape a legion of negative thoughts, fears, regrets, guilt,
despair, worries. I can remember rocking back and forth in bed, trying with all my might to hang on, for I literally felt like I was losing my sanity. I spent the morning and most of the afternoon with a friend of mine whom I've known since childhood. I think its possible that he may have saved my life just by staying with me. At one point during the day, we were headed toward the emergency room at St. Mary's Hospital here in Richmond, VA. My friend told me "you know if we go there they may put you up on the seventh floor (that's the psycho ward). Somehow, I was able to get through the day and I can talk about the experience calmly now. I sought help. I had been seeing a psychologist for about two months before this horrible episode occured. The talk therapy was good, but we both decided that medication was also called for. I had always resisted the thought of taking medication, and for years clung to the notion that I should just tough it out when the going got rough (a stupid pseud-macho way of thinking, by the way, I,m a guy). Anyway, today I continue to check in with my therapist every couple of weeks or so, and I'm on a medication regimen that includes Zolft and Clonepin. The latter, I believe has truly helped me overcome what I call the heebie-jeebies. The morning dread has vanished. I wake up feeling so relaxed. Usually I spend about twenty minutes or so in bed after the alarm clock has sounded, just luxuriating and playing with my spoiled cats. It feels so good that my main problem now is getting out of bed and dressed for work. I'm passing my little story along in hopes that it my be of some use. Help is available. My sister told me to never, never give up, and so I'll leave you now with those words.

britt244
01-21-2008, 08:27 AM
this sounds so dumb i didnt even want to post it.. but i feel like im going to have a panic attack over my new bed. i'm afraid i wont like it. my chest feels very tight right now.

veronicavale
01-21-2008, 09:13 AM
^^It's not dumb. A new bed is a big change, and I tend to get anxious about changes. Then I start asking what if... you know the drill. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

britt244
01-21-2008, 09:15 AM
yes! im not good with change. what if i hate it?

veronicavale
01-21-2008, 12:26 PM
You know what? You probably won't hate it. But if you do, you can just exchange it for another model right? Sometimes it helps my anxiety to think of all the possible outcomes so I can see what's realistic and what's not. Then I'm less likely to panic. I don't have a tempurpedic bed, but I do have a mattress topper. I love it. It makes my crappy old bed so comfortable, and I love how it molds to me. I really hope you like your new bed!

i.breathe.in
01-21-2008, 12:38 PM
you can sell it to my bf his bed sucks! haah

britt244
01-21-2008, 02:18 PM
thanks veronica! i tend to see things as im stuck with them, i messed up, nothing i can do, you know? i really need to work on that.

veronicavale
01-24-2008, 09:30 AM
This week has been really good for me. Maybe it's the celexa starting to work, or maybe I'm just having a good week. I still feel anxious, especially when driving, but I've been able to not dwell on it and go about my day. Let's hope it lasts!

Britt-Do you love your bed yet?

britt244
01-24-2008, 10:27 AM
^ yes :D

Darcy Foxx
01-24-2008, 08:53 PM
started back on stage last night, hmm.

it wasn't fun. stage makes me so exhausted, from the anxiety. i don't think i want to be a showgirl anymore, i think i just want to be a regular stripper.

Lysondra
01-25-2008, 07:12 AM
Oh my god! I'm HAPPY! Like, really happy! Like...happy happy!! I drove home and I was singing and I thought to myself, "I'm okay!" A few weeks ago I was repeating over and over, "I'm not okay... somebody help me... I'm not okay." But... I'm okay. I'm OKAY! I came home and I even hung the laundry with M and smiled and made a quick steak and was happy... HAPPY I TELL YOU.

*snuggles medication*

britt244
01-25-2008, 02:10 PM
this morning driving into the city for work at my day job i freaked out. for some reason i started thinking about when i used to do coke (that gives me the worst panic. i drove into the city to get and/or do it and often times drove out early in the morning around the time i go to work now.) and i thought i was going to lose it.

veronicavale
01-27-2008, 07:43 AM
Sometimes I freak out and still remember certain stuff about when I used to do coke, and it makes me nervous as well. Britt-it gets better with time. Oh, and I used to live on Calvert St. in Mt. Vernon, so imagine how easy it was for me to get coke ANY TIME I wanted!

On a positive note, I'm feeling like my anxiety is better lately. Not gone, because I still notice that spacey feeling, but more manageable.

britt244
01-27-2008, 11:27 AM
you live in baltimore??

veronicavale
01-27-2008, 11:47 AM
I used to... about 2.5 years ago. I worked at Hustler, but I was much heavier then. Really unhappy in Bmore so I ended up drinking and partying too much to feel better. Honestly, I didn't feel better until I stopped doing all that, but I never really liked the east coast.

cameron_keys
01-27-2008, 04:16 PM
Oh my god! I'm HAPPY! Like, really happy! Like...happy happy!! I drove home and I was singing and I thought to myself, "I'm okay!" A few weeks ago I was repeating over and over, "I'm not okay... somebody help me... I'm not okay." But... I'm okay. I'm OKAY! I came home and I even hung the laundry with M and smiled and made a quick steak and was happy... HAPPY I TELL YOU.

*snuggles medication*

I'm SO jealous. What are you on if you dont mind my asking? I'm curious since nothing ever seems to work for me(ggrrr..DAMN YOU tolerance!!!)

Lysondra
01-27-2008, 08:14 PM
I'm SO jealous. What are you on if you dont mind my asking? I'm curious since nothing ever seems to work for me(ggrrr..DAMN YOU tolerance!!!)

Efexxor. They only have me on 75mg which is the lowest dosage. You can go up way high if you need to. I don't think I've been more well-adjusted. I haven't yelled, raised my voice, slept through the day in a fog... I've even done laundry, cleaned the house (happily!), danced a bit, started taking up art and video games again... it's like.. I'm living again. I'm going out to buy groceries and chatting up the butcher, I'm taking laundry to drycleaning and laughing at the broken soap dispenser, I'm flirting with the baker when I don't even have makeup on - because I just don't care! I'm too happy to care about the little things. I haven't had a panic attack in weeks. I love this. Loooove this!

BalletBaby
01-27-2008, 09:14 PM
^^^Awww, good for you!!:) Efexxor had absolutely no effect on me, which I guess is better than the negative effect Lexapro had on me. That shit sucked balls:(

cameron_keys
01-27-2008, 09:23 PM
Efexxor hmmm? I'll have to mention that to my new Dr(or see if my nurse friend has any I can test drive)

Thanks!

i.breathe.in
01-27-2008, 09:47 PM
i have heard a lot of good things about effexxor.

Lysondra
01-28-2008, 02:31 AM
Wanring: The first few days are HELL and you cannot absolutely cannot miss a tablet or you start panicking almost within 24 hours. But it's so worth the pain of the first few days. I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders- I'm free!

veronicavale
01-28-2008, 03:21 PM
^^Effexor made me freak out. I took it once and couldn't handle the side effects. But I'm glad it's working for you. I know how good it can be to finally find relief!

Lysondra
01-28-2008, 05:49 PM
^^Effexor made me freak out. I took it once and couldn't handle the side effects. But I'm glad it's working for you. I know how good it can be to finally find relief!

Yeah, you need to take it more than once. It does that. I was on the pavement calling doctors at 10pm the first time I took it. It takes about 3 days to a week to actually start working. You can't just take it once. :/

Darcy Foxx
01-28-2008, 11:55 PM
i was on effexor for 2 months and i hated it. i was nauseas ALL the time and it turned me into a zombie. sure, i wasn't depressed anymore, but i wasn't happy either. i was just completely vacant and void of any feeling or emotion

Mily
01-29-2008, 03:25 AM
I've been on effexor for almost 2 years and take three 37.5 mg tablets daily. I definitely know how it feels to be without it for a few days. I was scared of every little thing and just paranoid and panicky constantly. It fucking sucked. At my peak with it, though, I was just generally laid back and content with life, but still had to take klonopin for my panic attacks.

I was without it again for about a week because my doctor couldn't get me in for an earlier appointment, and am taking it again regularly, and gradually feeling better... although me being in PMS mode right now isn't really helping. *sigh*

Lysondra
01-29-2008, 04:33 AM
I've been on effexor for almost 2 years and take three 37.5 mg tablets daily. I definitely know how it feels to be without it for a few days. I was scared of every little thing and just paranoid and panicky constantly. It fucking sucked. At my peak with it, though, I was just generally laid back and content with life, but still had to take klonopin for my panic attacks.

I was without it again for about a week because my doctor couldn't get me in for an earlier appointment, and am taking it again regularly, and gradually feeling better... although me being in PMS mode right now isn't really helping. *sigh*

Yup, that's about right. :D

Mily
01-29-2008, 06:47 AM
^So you're taking Klonopin, too, for panic attacks?

Lysondra
01-29-2008, 06:49 AM
Ativan, actually... but everything else is pretty much spot on for me. Still have the ativan.. rarely take it.. freak when I'm without my pills now... yeah. Laid back as hell. Taking blows and laughing. That's about it.

Mily
02-01-2008, 01:39 AM
I'm glad you found the medications that work for you, Lysondra. :) I'm starting to feel better, too. W00t!!!

Darcy Foxx
02-01-2008, 02:50 AM
i think perhaps i need to up my dosage of celexa.

veronicavale
02-01-2008, 09:01 AM
^^ I was just about to post the exact same thing. Although, I'm not sure if the general nervous feeling in my tummy is anxiety related or medication related. Fuck it, it's probably my anxiety. I've been on celexa 1 month today, and am at 20mg/day. I'm seeing my doc this afternoon, and maybe I need to go up to 40. That's what I was on before. Darcy, are you tired at all? I find myself dragging ass to get up in the morning, because I'm not sleeping well at night. Then I need to take a nap in the afternoon. That might be depression related, though. This whole thing is so frustrating for me.

veronicavale
02-01-2008, 02:14 PM
Just got back from my doc. He increased my celexa to 40 mg and gave me atarax cuz the ativan isn't working. It's an antihistamine that supposedly will make me sleepy so I can finally sleep through the night. He also gave me klonopin if that doesn't work. Anybody have experience with either of these? Will they make me sleepy? Thanks, guys.

cameron_keys
02-01-2008, 03:30 PM
Just got back from my doc. He increased my celexa to 40 mg and gave me atarax cuz the ativan isn't working. It's an antihistamine that supposedly will make me sleepy so I can finally sleep through the night. He also gave me klonopin if that doesn't work. Anybody have experience with either of these? Will they make me sleepy? Thanks, guys.


Klonopin may knock you out. It didnt work for me, but hubby crashed quickly after taking it and stayed asleep for a while

veronicavale
02-01-2008, 04:08 PM
^^ Thank goodness. Ativan did nothing for me, so hopefully this will work. It's amazing how grumpy I'm getting from not sleeping well.

veronicavale
02-04-2008, 03:02 PM
Am I the only one still having anxiety issues? And I still can't sleep through the night. Both the atarax and the klonopin make me sleepy, but I'm waking up 4 to 5 hours later! I can go back to sleep after a while, but is it really so much to ask for a complete night of sleep?????

cameron_keys
02-04-2008, 03:20 PM
Am I the only one still having anxiety issues?

You arent the only one. I'm still struggling. I've been a million differant meds, nothing ever works for me. I'm looking into finding a psychiatrist since my Dr hinted that I might need specialized help. I'm afraid I may have to go on hard core psych drugs, but at this point I'll try anything that works. Anything is better then this.

Darcy Foxx
02-06-2008, 09:29 AM
forgot to take my celexa yesterday... been really weird today cos of it. not anxious, just... depressed. having some really ridiculous paranoid delusional thoughts.

TigersMilk
02-07-2008, 07:18 PM
I feel randomly very anxious. I'm going out tonight with a friend. Let's hope I don't get smashed again. *nervous laugh*

I leave in about an hour. Anything I can do to try and stop them? I don't want to take my ativan and alcohol. Which I will never mix the two. Can't I just be fucking normal??

Zabrina
02-09-2008, 06:29 PM
Er... Edit for TMI

cameron_keys
02-09-2008, 06:33 PM
I was doing better until my brother decided to call today ranting about how I'm a whore and an embarrassment because he found out I do porn. Now I just want to swallow as many vicodin it takes to make the pain stop.

I have no regrets about what I do. But it kills me that a family member cant at LEAST be civil about it if not supportive. Too bad family doesnt actually love you unconditionally like they are supposed to.

veronicavale
02-10-2008, 09:59 AM
I was doing better until my brother decided to call today ranting about how I'm a whore and an embarrassment because he found out I do porn. Now I just want to swallow as many vicodin it takes to make the pain stop.

I have no regrets about what I do. But it kills me that a family member cant at LEAST be civil about it if not supportive. Too bad family doesnt actually love you unconditionally like they are supposed to.

I'm sorry you're upset. Family judgement can be very hard to take. Just know you can't change his mind, so there's no use being upset about it. Let him be the one who's upset. AND DON'T TAKE THE VICODIN! (Yes, I was yelling):)

cameron_keys
02-10-2008, 10:47 AM
I'm sorry you're upset. Family judgement can be very hard to take. Just know you can't change his mind, so there's no use being upset about it. Let him be the one who's upset. AND DON'T TAKE THE VICODIN! (Yes, I was yelling):)

Dont worry...I didnt. Still hurts though