Log in

View Full Version : I no longer have a brother



Pages : 1 [2]

LadyLuck
02-10-2008, 11:23 AM
I am now(thanks to my phone conversation with Stella) contemplating sending his new wife...NOT HIM...a girly girl wedding gift...a spa day or something

I think that sounds like a wonderful idea. It shows that you are taking the high road and being more mature about the situation than your brother is at the moment.

xdamage
02-10-2008, 11:35 AM
If that all includes APOLOGIZE I will be open to having an adult discussion with him.

I will not hold my breath though...I know my family. Members are cut out without thought all the time when they dont "measure up"

Hopefully he will, in time. Sounds like he first needs to accept it, and then with some luck, he will realize you are still his sister, you are a grown woman who makes her own decisions with eyes wide open, and realize an apology is in order. Good luck.

Lola Rose
02-10-2008, 11:39 AM
I'm so sorry cam. :(

And I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, and I hope you'll be ok. I wish I could say it'll probably all work itself out, but the truth is, it probably won't. And he sounds immature enough to someday out you to your parents, so be prepared..... because it is a definate possibility. I hope it never happens though.

:hug: :grouphug:

desavirsire
02-10-2008, 11:42 AM
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this bullshit Cam. :grouphug:

Kaylinn
02-10-2008, 11:44 AM
Cam,
Sorry I'm late comming in here. I just wanted to tell you I know ho you feel. It can be so hurtful. My mother told my grandmother and the whole family thatI was a whore because I'm a stripper. I have been to embarassed to ever talk to that family again. Just this Christmas I sent my gram a Christmas card for the first time.

I hope your doing better now, and I'm sorry your brother is acting like such an ass.

SnakeBabe
02-10-2008, 12:03 PM
You poor girl. So sorry you have to go through this.
I would guess that your brother is full of anger, rage, confusion and emotions he doesn’t know how to handle. As much as you deserve an apology would it be better to let it go to keep peace just for the moment? The big picture here is not to upset Mom and Dad and get through his wedding. Hopefully after a few days he will calm down. Maybe then you can talk decide how to handle this.
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

PrettyCurlieQ
02-10-2008, 12:08 PM
That's awful, sorry Cam. :hug: There's always people who don't understand, I'm sure everyone has a family member who isn't supportive. And many of us have entire families who can't understand. If the two of you aren't very close to begin with, I find it odd that he's so upset about your work. If you were best friends but you held a deep dark secret, that would make it a big deal, ya know? Oh well. It's his loss, hopefully some day he will realize his mistake and see you as his awesome sister, without judgement.

cameron_keys
02-10-2008, 01:11 PM
As much as you deserve an apology would it be better to let it go to keep peace just for the moment?
Oh I'm not going to cntact him. I sent an email saying how upset I am that he has grown into such an angry judgemental closed minded person and that I hope one day he will realize that my decisions are MY decisions and that I have to do what makes me happy. The ball is in his court. If he calms down and wants to talk I'll be happy to. If he just wants to cut me completley out of his life then thats his decision. It wont impact my life tremendously since we werent close and didnt have much of a relationship...but hes still my brother.The only sibling I have so to know he wants nothing to do with me and considers me a whore and an embarrassment still hurts more then I would have thought. He asked years ago if I worked in a strip club(I mentioned how huge drugs are down here which prompted the question) and I didnt confirm or deny(just said drugs are everywhere here,not just in strip clubs). He didnt seem to be judgemental when he asked and didnt push the question any further. So I expected shock and maybe a bit of anger if he ever found out about my porn career...but I didnt expect such explosive venom. It hurt.


Oh well. It's his loss, hopefully some day he will realize his mistake and see you as his awesome sister, without judgement.

Judgement is big in our family. My mother cut all ties with her family(parents, sister, neices, nephews..everyone) when I was 12 because they were alcoholics who didnt treat her as well as her sister because she didnt drink with them like my aunt did. When they died years later there were no tears. She told me in passing "oh...BTW your grandparents are dead." She never looked back. They would disown me without hesitation is they knew half of my life, stripping, swinging, porn,the abortion I had when i was 17...all are valid reasons in their minds to cut me out of their life. Which is why I take pains to keep things from them.

All of you out there who have loving, open,honest relationships with your family...cherish them. I'll never know what thats like.

ViolaStrings
02-10-2008, 03:09 PM
:::HUGS::: I'm sorry to hear that. Family is so hard because aside from a genetic bond, we often have nothing in common with these people and wouldn't choose to even be friends with them.

My brother sounds a lot like yours - he won't speak to me anymore because I refused to pay off his credit card debts for his birthday. He called me a degenerate, whore, disgrace to the family, backstabber etc. He is also a loser like your brother - only passed high school because our mom wrote his papers, failed out of community college, joined the army but backed out because he was scared and got a doctor to say he had "asthma", had a good construction job out west with our uncle and blew it because the house they had to live in wasn't nice enough, I could go on. Every opportunity he has he blows.

Don't feel bad. You're not in the wrong.

gingerlee
02-10-2008, 06:00 PM
From one porn girl to another-FUCK your brother. He's a small minded dipshit.

I love you. That is all.

cutey5032
02-10-2008, 06:32 PM
deleted

AznExtasy
02-10-2008, 08:23 PM
All of you out there who have loving, open,honest relationships with your family...cherish them. I'll never know what thats like.

Me neither.

cameron_keys
02-10-2008, 08:48 PM
Thanks everyone. I feel so special and wonderful to have such an amazing support system. I dont know what I"ve done to deserve such wonderful people in my life but I am forever thankful. Between you guys and my hubby I feel so loved....family is what you make it. THIS is my family. Him and you.

LoveComesFromWithin
02-10-2008, 09:00 PM
sorry, for your hurt. there's a reason why people in your past don't make it to your future, they werent meant to be there.
eh, he's mad cuz you rock!

ViolaStrings
02-10-2008, 09:14 PM
Thanks everyone. I feel so special and wonderful to have such an amazing support system. I dont know what I"ve done to deserve such wonderful people in my life but I am forever thankful. Between you guys and my hubby I feel so loved....family is what you make it. THIS is my family. Him and you.

Of course! We loff you, beetch.

StarryEyes
02-10-2008, 10:31 PM
Cam I am so sorry. I can totaly relate. Judgemental Catholic family and everything.

It sucks being from a family whose members are so miserable, critical, and judgemental that they have to put you down to make themselves feel better (and of course these are the same people who have all kinds of sordid shit hidden in their closets). I mean, yes, shock and disbelief coming from them is one thing, but to spew a litany of hate at you is unacceptable. That is not how to show care and concern. Who is he to judge you?

One thing I've learned is that family isn't always the group you were born into. Family is the group who loves you for you and will stand by and back you up no matter what.

Hugs. I'm sorry. I know how it feels and it sucks.

StarryEyes
02-10-2008, 10:41 PM
there's a reason why people in your past don't make it to your future, they werent meant to be there.


Wise words of wisdom! Siggy time!

End t/j.

jester214
02-11-2008, 12:30 AM
It's all been said, but still I want you to know how sorry I am. Family shit like this, especially when it's unexpected, really hurts, I've been there too.

Don't give up on him though, I haven't talked to my Uncle in 6 years (or my little cousin :( ) but I still hope that one day we'll come to terms.

paintgoddess
02-11-2008, 12:56 AM
All of you out there who have loving, open,honest relationships with your family...cherish them. I'll never know what thats like.

Me either. Thank God our families don't define us. They just begin us. You on your own have made wonderful decisions for yourself. You are smart and insightful and you've chosen a adventure for yourself while most are scared to think, play, experiment and live like you do. That's often threatening to other people. But you've done no wrong. You just keep on. You don't need to change anything or right any wrong.

It sucks that stupid people will make you second guess yourself, your value, and your choices... it's even more difficult to stay objective when it's from family. You're entitled to your tears. I'm really sorry for your pain. I've gone through similar things with my parents... they wont speak to me anymore. I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone. Hugs to you.

Blade
02-11-2008, 12:58 AM
Thanks everyone. I feel so special and wonderful to have such an amazing support system. I dont know what I"ve done to deserve such wonderful people in my life but I am forever thankful. Between you guys and my hubby I feel so loved....family is what you make it. THIS is my family. Him and you.Um yeah...can we be like distant cousins or something? i wanna bang ya and i wouldnt feel right if we were close family, unless youre like a hot step sister or something. }:D

jaizaine
02-11-2008, 04:38 AM
You know what he might have got a shock from watching it but fuck to sspeak to you the way he did is pretty unforgiveable. Well it could be forgiven but im sure never forgotten. To call his own sister a whore is disgusting. Enough men in this world will call us whores and we certainly don't need it from family - the people who are supposed to have our backs and love us.

Not to mention you did not have to tell him. It's none of his fucking business what you do for work. So him finding out, well he just needs to get the fuck over it and mind his own business.

needtodance
02-11-2008, 12:18 PM
Cam, I love you!


Family can be gross about these things... my mom is doing the same to ME, and just ver Dancing!

PM me if you want my number, or want to talk!

HUGS!

BmiWMT14
02-11-2008, 02:56 PM
Cam... want me to go kick his ass? It's only a couple hours drive for me, and I've got a nice, new baseball bat! ;D


LJ want me to pick you up on the drive from CT? I wouldnt mind a few swings with a brandy new Bat!;D


Cam dealing with family is always the hardest thing in the world to do. I wont even begin to try and pretend I know where your coming from with this problem. BUT I do know that you are and amazing person, And far from selfless or selfish!

kandie_kitten
02-11-2008, 06:26 PM
I am so sorry you had to go through this.

*hugs and support*

cameron_keys
02-11-2008, 06:34 PM
SO he emailed and apologized...sort of. He said I was right..he has no place to judge but he still wants nothing to do with me nor does he want me at his wedding.

I wrote back basically saying that I hope he comes to terms since I am happy and do not regret my choices. And that I would be sad to not come to his wedding, but will respect his choices(hint hint) if he still does not want me there when the time comes, but I will send a gift.

I said he is my only brother and I hope that one day we can have an adult discussion about my choices and have a relationship again, since it would sadden me to know my only brother hates me.

And reassured him that I am not a drug addict/alcoholic/hooker or any other stereotype you might associate with the adult industry.


Hopefully he'll grow to not hate me anymore.

stellaforstars
02-11-2008, 07:01 PM
I think that was a very positive sign. It must have taken a great deal of maturity for him to apologize in the way he did. I imagine he is still embarrassed by several aspects of the situation, and that he will come to his senses completely before too long.

Cam, you're wonderful. He'd be doing a disservice to himself, cutting you out of his life. He is bound to realize this soon.

Dottie Rebel
02-11-2008, 07:07 PM
Wait a minute...what kind of apology is that? "Sorry for calling you a whore. But I still don't want a whore at my wedding."

Grrrrrr.

cameron_keys
02-11-2008, 07:18 PM
Wait a minute...what kind of apology is that? "Sorry for calling you a whore. But I still don't want a whore at my wedding."

Grrrrrr.

Yeah....not much of one...but its a start at least.

Dottie Rebel
02-11-2008, 07:26 PM
Yeah. Sorry for being negative. Judgemental family just gets me all riled up. I really hope he comes around.

cameron_keys
02-11-2008, 07:35 PM
Yeah. Sorry for being negative. Judgemental family just gets me all riled up. I really hope he comes around.

Dont be sorry..I felt the same way. In my email I even said..Thanks for that at LEAST"

And people wonder why I'm not close to my family. If I was a mooch or living off welfare THAT would be honorable..but god forbid I have a career I enjoy and support myself

My email to him was taking the high road. It was honest...but meant to make him feel like crap and realize how ignorant and insulting he is being

Chrissy68
02-12-2008, 06:46 AM
Cam, you're wonderful. He'd be doing a disservice to himself, cutting you out of his life. He is bound to realize this soon.

well said, fully agree.


My email to him was taking the high road. It was honest...but meant to make him feel like crap and realize how ignorant and insulting he is being

i think that's the best way to go; i mean, he needs to effin realize that you;re a good person, and your job does not change who YOU are. some ppl can't get past the idea though.

from the moment i began following this thread cam, it made me very sad. my sister died; and i miss her. i cannot imagine having a living sibling that couldn't reconcile and still unconditionally love me. i hurt for you cameron; i really hope he comes around but if not, you've done all you can do.
:hug:

xdamage
02-12-2008, 10:08 AM
I think that was a very positive sign. It must have taken a great deal of maturity for him to apologize in the way he did. I imagine he is still embarrassed by several aspects of the situation, and that he will come to his senses completely before too long.

I agree completely. You may never receive the full blown, on his knees, apology, but it is a step in the right direction, and still says a lot (positive) that he is rethinking his feelings and thoughts.

I_luv_dancers!
02-12-2008, 07:36 PM
Sorry to hear of your troubles, Cam. At least there's been some positive movement.

He must have really hurt you despite holding his opinions in low regard. As Catholics and family, they're supposed to love you unconditionally. Guess they missed that sermon, eh? It hurts coming from a sibling. Even though you have been estranged, there's still that familial bond pulling at your heart. Your sadness shows that you still have one, and you were a class act by contacting him as you did. I was going to suggest a nicely-worded letter expressing sadness and hurt over the conversation, without laying on guilt or going into details. (You never know into whose hands a letter or email message may wind up.)

I'd withhold the wedding gift. Sounds like somebody's still wallowing in drama and self-righteousness, and you don't want to feed into that with some material gift. Just another opportunity for the immature to act out by publicly mocking or rejecting your gift. A nice greeting card with a guilt-free personal positive note wishing the bride and groom eternal happiness together, sending your love and describing some positive childhood memory may be a good alternative.

Let the anger go, Cam. You can't change him, and it will only hold your spirit down. Love your brother unconditionally as your brother - but that doesn't mean you accept his behavior.

If you watched the Grammys, you may have seen the performances from Love - especially the Beatles "Let it Be". Watching that, I got a new perspective on the song. It was beautiful and it applies here. Let it be.

You know that you don't have to be religious to be a moral person, a good person. I know more moral, ethical, kind and gentle people who are aethiests and "sinners" than those who are religious. What matters is how you treat others, how you are true to your friends and loved ones. How you keep your committments and promises. Doesn't matter if you're an adult entertainer. Far better do that than be a hypocrite.

cameron_keys
02-12-2008, 08:54 PM
^^ Beautifully put..I thank you. That really meant a lot...as did everyones support. Thank you all!

Bella21
02-13-2008, 12:47 AM
Soooo... how did that scenario go, anyways?

Brother's friend: I have porn of your sister, do you want to see it?
Brother: Sure!

Gross. >:( At least he's not threatening you to quit or something. If one of my brothers found out that I was a stripper, I could totally see him threatening to tell everyone if I didn't quit immediately.

I hope he gets over it soon! You're not doing anything illegal and you don't have to live your life according to other people's ideas of what is "appropriate".

cameron_keys
02-13-2008, 10:16 AM
Soooo... how did that scenario go, anyways?

Brother's friend: I have porn of your sister, do you want to see it?
Brother: Sure!

Gross. >:( At least he's not threatening you to quit or something. If one of my brothers found out that I was a stripper, I could totally see him threatening to tell everyone if I didn't quit immediately.

I hope he gets over it soon! You're not doing anything illegal and you don't have to live your life according to other people's ideas of what is "appropriate".

I have no idea how it went down. Someone might have just sent him a clip and he watched not knowing what it was. Or he was being a perv and cruising the net for porn and came across one of mine.

He wouldnt threaten...I'll give him that much. He knows damn well it would upset my parents and since hes a total mommas boy he wouldnt do anything to hurt THEM. And really..as long as they dont find out,I couldnt care less about anyone else on earth.

And you are right...I lived miserably for far too long because I did what other wanted and expected of me. I only found happiness when I started living for me and not for everyone else.

SexyJess
02-13-2008, 10:32 AM
Cameron, I'm really late jumping in here, but I just want to offer you my support and sympathy. I can relate somewhat- my little brother knows I "used to dance" (he doesn't know I went back). He thought it was cool for the first year, then constantly freaked out on me.... telling me to quit because his friends, who live 2 hours away, go to the club twice a year, and God forbid they see me naked and embarass him (I've never even met his friends). Now the little prick tells me to take down any remotely sexy MySpace pics and that I "better not strip again." If my parents knew, they'd be devastated... but I know he won't tell them 'cause I've got some serious dirt on him, too. ;)

I hope your brother comes around before his wedding and offers you something more than a half-assed apology. He should love you unconditionally and want you there for his special day despite any decisions he may not agree with (even though they are legal, safe, adult decisions). It seems like he has cooled down a little bit already- there's still time. Whatever happens, it's clear you have a huge, amazing support system right here.... there are some really great women on this site.

AlexxaHex
02-13-2008, 11:02 AM
We are your family? Awwww! I was actually just thinking about you yesterday, and about your situation. I think it's so empowering to be the bigger person as you have done. That way you can say you really didn't do anything wrong. You did your part in meeting him halfway, and its' up to him to decide if he wants to come the rest of the way to meet you there.
In regards to the bigger picture of YOU (I thought of saying this to you yesterday for some reason): whatever you do, be true to yourself. Listen to your heart, and listen your body. I don't know why I feel the need to say that to you but something is telling me that I have to say it.

cameron_keys
02-13-2008, 11:40 AM
We are your family? Awwww! I was actually just thinking about you yesterday, and about your situation. I think it's so empowering to be the bigger person as you have done. That way you can say you really didn't do anything wrong. You did your part in meeting him halfway, and its' up to him to decide if he wants to come the rest of the way to meet you there.
In regards to the bigger picture of YOU (I thought of saying this to you yesterday for some reason): whatever you do, be true to yourself. Listen to your heart, and listen your body. I don't know why I feel the need to say that to you but something is telling me that I have to say it.

I really do feel like you guys are my family. We tease, argue, and support just like family(well..like family is SUPPOSED to be). I dont know what I did without you all....but I am eternally grateful I have you now.

As far as listening to myself...yeah. Thats a lesson it took me a lifetime to learn...but I'm glad I finally learned it. I'm the only one that has to live with me 24/7/365....so doing whats right for ME is so important.

juggernutz
02-13-2008, 01:49 PM
Cam, I going to quote one of my favorite sayings of Doctor Seuss.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

So I agree with you, your brother not worth it and just forget about him.

Another of my favorite sayings is the best revenge is living well so I recommend you spend some time with people who do care about you and stop thinking about those who do not.

StarryEyes
02-13-2008, 01:57 PM
Cam, I going to quote one of my favorite sayings of Doctor Seuss.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

So I agree with you, your brother not worth it and just forget about him.

Another of my favorite sayings is the best revenge is living well so I recommend you spend some time with people who do care about you and stop thinking about those who do not.

I love everything that is said here. I wish more people would realize it!

Katrine
02-13-2008, 04:26 PM
Awww, I'm sorry honey. When something similar happened bet. my dad and me, we didn't speak for months. Eventually he apologized though. Your brother can't process this because you know how society feels about sexually liberated women, pornography, porn actresses, etc. It has nothing to do with you. One day he will regret his decision. Also, perhaps one day he will open his mind up a bit too. Best of luck with this.