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Sindi
03-03-2008, 04:17 PM
Today I feel like I am drowning , stuck in a down ward spinning spiral and its just sucking the life out of me ......I am so stressed out and depressed and I really feel trapped . Its hard to function , things that seem so normal to other people like filling out a form or answering the phone are sometimes impossible for me . Time is making it worse .

Bellkitty
03-31-2008, 06:19 PM
Oh god isn't it the worst when you're reflecting on your life and you go...wait a minute. You don't even realize!

It wasn't until I was seventeen I remembered my older sister playing a 'game' with me where my brother told her to rub herself on me because it felt good. And it's like, at the time I didn't know (I was like, five?) and now I look back and go...I don't think that was right....

And now I wonder if they were molested (they were like 9 and 12) and taking it out on me. Ick.

That's actually a pretty common occurence amongst siblings/children that spend a lot of time together at a young age (maybe not your brother - he was a bit old to be honest so I can understand feeling odd about that). I have plenty of memories of similar experiences with my own sister all the way up until we were about 8 - she's 1 year younger - and I used to feel weird about it until I did my psychology studies and found out how common it is. It's pretty much one of those natural ways of learning sexuality as a child - usually happens younger (age 2-6ish) but it's nowhere near unheard of for it to happen up to age 9 or 10. It's just strange because people don't talk about it much. I guess it's simply the incest/children engaging in sex taboo that makes it such a hush-hush secret of child development, but pretty much anyone who's worked extensively with groups of young children has come across it! Many parents, too. My dad's a psychiatrist and apparently gets a lot of calls from worried parents telling him all about how their kids are "doing things" to each other. Once they learn more about sex and social acceptability regarding sex it tends to stop.


As for the OP, as you're well aware by now, you aren't alone. A few years ago I remembered a pretty awful experience from my childhood too and wasn't sure what to do about it. It'd been 15 years, after all! It was the older brother of a friend of mine at the time - he was 15, I was 6 - and he'd had me dress up in his mother's lingerie before performing oral sex on me, and then insisting I do the same for him. At the time I just thought it was weird and funny... I remember giggling a lot until towards the end, when he got reeeeeally hostile with the face-fucking and I gagged and threw up. Then I started crying. Then he threatened me not to tell, and I never did. In fact, this is the first time I've told this story in any form to anyone... I'm not sure why I felt like I could share with you ladies when I don't really know you, but there you go! I've dealt with it and I'm okay now... it explained a lot when I remembered it, actually. I always had a HUGE issue with blowjobs - my gag reflex was off the damn charts - but things have steadily been getting better and I'm even learning to enjoy it a little now. I'm still very very very much against the face-fucking though. I'm not sure I'll ever be comfortable with being in a submissive position during oral sex!

Anyway, I hope you manage to get through it, hon. :)




.... Man, sorry I'm in essay-mode today. :-[

snarkysharky
03-31-2008, 09:07 PM
PTSD can affect a person without them realizing it....I used to think that I was just socially awkward, that I hated school, etc. until I was placed in a class with the boy who had assaulted me. Then, when I started breaking out into cold sweats, being overcome by fear, and crying during class (while he was there) I realized I really was scarred by the experience.
After treatment, I'm much better. Although there are certain "triggers" (i.e. the album that was playing while it happened) I rarely am gripped by fear. Now, whenever I'm exposed to a trigger, I just remember the incident and have a slightly sad moment, then move on...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the right professional can really help a person work through symptoms of PTSD. I would recommend you finding someone you feel comfortable with (for me, it HAD to be a woman) and tell your mom when you are ready. Explain to her that it might take awhile for the whole story to get out (my poor mom had to wait months between me telling her I was assaulted and the telling of the actual story) but that it might be hard to speak about it at first.

Good luck, and :hug:

LoveComesFromWithin
04-02-2008, 01:05 PM
I kinda know what your going through since almost the same thing happened to me. but has anyone that has gone through this, actully been better off by unleashing their memories? or are they forever getting mental help?

snarkysharky
04-02-2008, 08:00 PM
^^ i am WAY better off. I was honestly debilitated before--unable to go to school, nervous, low self-esteem, etc.
I saw a therapist for about a year. After that, it took about another year to feel like I was "healed." The experience will always be a part of my life, but I am no longer haunted by it. I've even been in a healthy, trusting, committed relationship for three years, which I am sure would be very difficult (if not impossible) if I hadn't sought help.