View Full Version : Depression Support and Recovery Thread
BalletBaby
03-26-2008, 12:09 AM
I have a finance test today and I already know I'm going to fail. I don't understand anything and I can't study cause my mind is everywhere at once. Now I'm crying because I know I'm going to fail like I always do. My sister is a med student and even my alcoholic brother is smarter than I am. I wish I had something to be proud of. My life is an epic fail. I think I'm just going to shower, take my meds, and go to bed. I'll try studying again in the morning.
stellaforstars
03-26-2008, 06:47 AM
:hug: BB. You brilliant, beautiful, thoughtful, and you're going to make something of yourself.
I'm feeling remarkably depressed this morning myself. I haven't been able to talk myself into eating for about 24 hours now.
xoxoGracexoxo
03-26-2008, 10:26 AM
[QUOTE=BalletBaby;1467119]Now I'm crying because I know I'm going to fail like I always do. My sister is a med student and even my alcoholic brother is smarter than I am. I wish I had something to be proud of./QUOTE]
Aw, sweetie. I totally sympathize. School was so stressful for me. Tight deadlines and black-and-white grading systems really lend themselves to catastrophic thinking. "Oh my god! A "c"! Not a "c"! I must be stupid!" And so on.
You know what? I failed plenty of tests in college. In the long run, it didn't ammount to much. Over time, my consistent efforts added up to a decent GPA, even if I did have some really terrible days/weeks/months. I graduated just fine, and so will you.
As for having nothing to be proud of, that's just silly. I've never even met you, and I can tell you're a smart, shrewd, honest, thoughtful person with a ton of integrity. You have everything to be proud of.
If I were you, I'd spend some time thinking about obstacles you've overcome in the past. I know it can be hard to think of stuff like that when you're in the mode of being hard on yourself, but if you search your mind you will come up with examples. Think of the character traits that allowed you to overcome those difficultires. Let yourself feel proud of your accomplishments and take pleasure in what you have ALREADY achieved, rather than always looking ahead to the next potential challenge.
Good luck with your test! You're going to be fine!
stellaforstars
03-27-2008, 08:56 AM
I'm starting Seroquel today.
That makes me a tad nervous. How freaking powerful is it that they have to gradually ease me into 200 mg of it?
zxcire
03-27-2008, 09:03 AM
I'm starting Seroquel today.
That makes me a tad nervous. How freaking powerful is it that they have to gradually ease me into 200 mg of it?
It is very, very sedating. I take 50 mg. at night and pass right out. I used to take it in 3 doses through the day but it was so sedating I asked to be switched.
TigersMilk
03-27-2008, 09:13 AM
Stella, hopefully it will work for you and you won't have to worry about switching meds or crazy side effects too much.
I have good news. My psychologist got me in for an appointment next Wednesday. I'm happy to get the ball rolling on this finally.
stellaforstars
03-27-2008, 06:22 PM
I feel useless. I can't get anything accomplished at school. I have to appeal to two very important Deans next week to get financial forgiveness for a medical withdrawal and I'm terrified. I can't get work until I get this school taken care of. I owe so much fucking money to so many people. I can't afford to exist. I feel crazy. I feel miserable. Things are NOT GETTING BETTER.
I hate this.
xoxoGracexoxo
03-29-2008, 12:15 PM
Hang in there, Stella. It's easy to lose perspective when you're depressed, and start to beleive that everything is going to suck *forever*. It's not true, though. It's just not. You WILL be OK, whether you know it right now or not.
You have a lot going on, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed, but everything's going to be fine. Break your big tasks down into little tasks, and just take care of one little step at a time. Do whatever you can do today, and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Wish I had more than words to give you...:hug:
stellaforstars
03-30-2008, 12:38 PM
Thank you, Grace. I really appreciate your support. :hug:
I think getting my meds back into my system is going to help--that, and getting the Seroquel regulated the way it's supposed to be.
SundayMorning
03-30-2008, 12:46 PM
Stella if I have to don a cheerleader outfit and pom-pom you through the week, I shall! Always remember that taking action is better than not....you're working to get your life back on track rather than waiting for it to happen. That's huge and worthy of feeling good about yourself!
RoseLeigh
04-02-2008, 10:48 PM
Damnation. I got one of those 'Please send your balance now or men will come and break your knees' lawyer letters today. And now I'm totally letting it get to me. Stupid black void of monetary horrors. I felt like I was getting somewhere. Finally catching up on the immediate stuff. Then wham. How can this be where I'm supposed to be? Full time student at a school that's changing everything everyday, no car, working weekend doubles in depress-o town, so I can send 95% of it to my school, the IRS or my debtors. I want out of all of it.
mollyzmoon
04-02-2008, 11:37 PM
Hey everyone! I haven't read the whole thread...I had what must have been some kind of depression for much of last year. I was pretty messed up for a while, and it took me a long time to figure a way out of the hole of despair. It was scary and miserable. I still don't understand what it all was about, but my doctor put me on Wellbutrin, I made some changes in my life, and things have been much better.
But today I've just been crying and crying. I don't know what's up. And really tired, really numb, for no apparent reason. This vein in my leg was pulsing all freaky, my palms were sweaty, I was so confused. It's scary, because I don't want to fall down that hole again...I understand that it's normal to be sad, but it's when I start to have these inexplicable feelings that I get totally confused. Yuck, feelings suck. It was just the other day when I realized how everything in my life is going comparatively well, and things all seem to be back on track...and there's just like this little peach pit of horror in my stomach. I get all sick and worried that I can't handle being happy...Things going well is kind of terrifying, because it just feels like I suddenly have a lot more to lose. Blech.
/end of late night sad girl ramble. Sometimes I just have to purge the thoughts, and then try to piece it together. I wish I could rationally quash the choking, scary feelings, but it doesn't seem to work that way. There's this terrible voice in my head that just keeps reminding me I'm disgusting, I'm ugly, I'm selfish, I'm boring, I'm stupid, I'm unloveable and unable to love, I'm one big disapointment to my family...and anything that would indicate otherwise is a cruel joke. Anything that seems like accomplishment is a fucking sandcastle. I used to think, how can anybody believe in Hell? And now it's all 'how can anybody believe in the future?'.
hockeybobby
04-03-2008, 12:05 AM
/end of late night sad girl ramble. Sometimes I just have to purge the thoughts, and then try to piece it together. I wish I could rationally quash the choking, scary feelings, but it doesn't seem to work that way. There's this terrible voice in my head that just keeps reminding me I'm disgusting, I'm ugly, I'm selfish, I'm boring, I'm stupid, I'm unloveable and unable to love, I'm one big disapointment to my family...and anything that would indicate otherwise is a cruel joke. Anything that seems like accomplishment is a fucking sandcastle. I used to think, how can anybody believe in Hell? And now it's all 'how can anybody believe in the future?'.
molly, if you've ever told a lie to someone, you will know how that feels inside. You feel anxious, fearful, ashamed, and angry all wrapped up together. It's a terrible feeling. What you are experiencing right now is the same, only you are the one you are lying to.
When we try to make ourselves believe things that aren't true, we suffer. All of those things that the "terrible voice" are saying are ridiculous bullshit. Your feelings right now are not your enemy; they are your friend, reminding you to keep it real. You are not ugly, You are not disgusting, nor boring, nor selfish, nor stupid, nor unlovable, nor incapable of loving someone. Is it possible that these assertions I've just made about you are just as true or truer than what the nasty voice has said about you?
Thoughts come and go with amazing frequency. You don't have to believe them. When they are scary, try presenting an opposite alternative to yourself.
hb
Kaylinn
04-03-2008, 01:19 PM
My boyfriend and I had a long talk last night. Although I've made great improvments on my own, I'm just not able to do enough for myself to get completly fixed. I still have sucicidal tendancies to often, I still have crushing guilt and feeligns of worthlessness, and I'm still having panic attacks. Although it's all much less frequent than before, i don't feel that I am capable of handling this all by myself, and need to see a professional for an evaluation. I'm destroying myself and my boyfriend and our lives. It isn't fair to him or me to live like this. We don't know how we are goin to get me help, but we are going to try.
One problem 'm seeing with trying to cure myself is that I am all or nothing. I need to stick to a strict routine and schedule, but if I miss one thing on that schedule, or have to do somethign that inturrupts my routine, my entire day is fucked and I give up. I do not have the ability to adapt or adjust.
I also noticed that I cannot keep up the pace for very long without crashing It's like I'm giving 120% trying to be ok, and I can only keep it up for so long before it just gets exausting and I can't sustain it. Like constantly tellign myself I'm ok, constantly trying to be ok is false, I'm living a lie, and can only live it for so long before my true self comes out.
Although I've made drasticv improvments, it just isn't good enough. I dont think people are supposed to feel such terrible guilt constantly, and I dont think people are supposed to feel bad and worthless all the time. This needs to change. Obviously, this problem is bigger than we can handle by ourselves. I think I need evaluated, diagnosed and put on a treatment program of talk therapy and medication therapy. My boyfriend agreed to go to therapy with me, to learn how he can help me, and to better understand what's going on with me. He gets very frustrated because he has this driving force to alwyas protect me, he can alwyas make it better, he can fix anythign. and he feels helpless that he cannot fix this, that he can seem to help me. so he gets frustrated and upset sometimes because of that.
I dont know how we are going ot find the help that I need, all I know is that we need to find it befre I ruin our lives, my life. I have so many goals and aspirations, and I dont think I will ever be able to suceed until I fix this.
stellaforstars
04-03-2008, 03:20 PM
I don't feel as though I belong anywhere anymore.
Not even with my family. Not with my friends. Not on this site.
I'm drowning in loneliness and I just want to disappear.
And I feel like I can't even fucking push the 'Post Quick Reply' button because then I'll be wasting space and post-whoring and saying "Look at meeee!" God I fucking hate it here sometimes.
RoseLeigh
04-03-2008, 05:01 PM
I don't feel as though I belong anywhere anymore.
Not even with my family. Not with my friends. Not on this site.
I'm drowning in loneliness and I just want to disappear.
And I feel like I can't even fucking push the 'Post Quick Reply' button because then I'll be wasting space and post-whoring and saying "Look at meeee!" God I fucking hate it here sometimes.
Stella don't listen to that BS. You aren't wasting our space.
But I know what you mean.
kikidejavu
04-03-2008, 10:36 PM
ive decided that i am tired of being sad. i truly am sick and fucking tired of not being happy. so i decided i am going fake it till it make it. i am going to call friends i dont really want to talk to, do activites i dont want to do , and dress cute even tho i want to wear sweats. maybe it will help, well see
RoseLeigh
04-04-2008, 06:20 AM
Yet another bad night of sleep and another morning with no hot water. I feel like I'm going to die in this disgusting hovel of housing. No sleep, no money, bad grades, no shower. I keep being told I'm doing well, when I'm limping through, only able to give 150% which is not enough. I am drained. And currently in need of a shower before I go work a double shift. There's just no end to this.
cameron_keys
04-04-2008, 08:33 AM
Ugh...HORRIBLE dreams last night. I dreamed my bird(the one who was just hurt) was playing with a guinea pig and the pig bit his head off. I woke up crying and ran to the cage to check on him. I HATE stress dreams..they screw me up all day
RoseLeigh
04-10-2008, 09:18 PM
How's everyone been? I'm doing a smidge better. I'm really trying to do the make a list and check it off thing. I'm still really stressed, but I'm pushing through.
mollyzmoon
04-11-2008, 11:35 PM
^^Lists help with stress so much. I'm glad you're better.
I was fine all week, and it's just been a bad bad day. I'm trying to chill. I don't know why any little thing, that's not even a thing, that my boyfriend does, makes me spiral into feelings of worthlessness and insecurity. Fucking-A. This is why I can never keep a boyfriend. They frighten me and make me feel like shit. I just start shivering and crying for no reason, and I can't sleep. It feels like my eyeballs are going to pop out. There's no other way to put it.
And ever feel like everybody is a stranger? Absolutely everybody? Like a body-snatcher has replaced everyone you know with a fake? I get this really freaky sensation sometimes, like I've tripped into another universe, and no one knows who the fuck I am. I don't know any of them. Phew. Fuck. I hate these little schisms of psycho-thought.
BrunetteGoddess
04-12-2008, 12:11 AM
I'm ...... doing just fair. Not spectacular, not horrible. My IBS is flaring up again :(
xoxoGracexoxo
04-12-2008, 10:08 AM
How's everyone been? I'm doing a smidge better. I'm really trying to do the make a list and check it off thing. I'm still really stressed, but I'm pushing through.
Please believe me, I am saying this from experience, but stress can be an addictive behavior. I really struggle with the belief that unless I am completely exhausted, physically limp, emotionally drained, and bleeding from both ears, I have not done enough.
Sounds like you have a lot going on right now. That's fine. At some points in our lives, we have a lot to get done. But don't get hung up on the stressfullness of it all. You don't have to be doing something every second that justifies your continues existence on the planet. You're a valuable person just as you are right now, without earning a penny or lifting a hand. It is still OK to occasionally chill...and you can always find a few minutes if you want to. The important thing is to make those chill time really count, so that they genuinely restore and refresh you.
I'm teaching myself to take naps during the day when I start to feel keyed up or crazy. Even if I can't actually sleep, just forcing myself to lie down, breathe deeply, and r-e-s-t is so refreshing. I really suggest it.
Because one way or another, we have to learn to deal with our stress -- especially those of us with a susceptibility to depression. Our culture treats stress like this amazing badge of honor, but that's just silly. Chronic stress wears down both the physical body and the emotional self, and physical and mental depression are a common result. For me, it's like clockwork. If I let stress go unchecked in my life, I WILL have an episode.
Hope you're feeling better soon, Rose.
mollyzmoon
04-12-2008, 10:36 AM
I'm ...... doing just fair. Not spectacular, not horrible. My IBS is flaring up again :(
IBS really ruins my life sometimes. It can feel like the worst, and I hate that everyone assumes it's something that it isn't, or that it's psychosomatic or whatever. Or that you just need to 'calm down'. It is terrible and totally misery inducing, I agree. I don't know which comes first, the depression or the IBS, but they totally go hand in hand. I hope you're feeling better, B. Lots of peppermint tea and ginger snaps! That's my trick. And hot baths.
In other news, I have banned myself from posting here when I get home from work, all in a state. Sometimes you really just have to take some nyquil and call it a day.
BrunetteGoddess
04-12-2008, 12:18 PM
I know, I hate people who think it's all in my head. I had to fucking drink a bottle of MagCit last night to clear myself out because I was on the road to becoming impacted in my colon!
SundayMorning
04-12-2008, 12:39 PM
^Do you do anything like regular colon cleansings or massage therapy (reflexology in particular) or anything like that? I don't know if it helps at all, just a thought I had.
:hug: to the sad tummies!
BrunetteGoddess
04-12-2008, 12:41 PM
no...
RoseLeigh
04-12-2008, 10:04 PM
Please believe me, I am saying this from experience, but stress can be an addictive behavior. I really struggle with the belief that unless I am completely exhausted, physically limp, emotionally drained, and bleeding from both ears, I have not done enough.
Heeeeyy-outta my head! I feel like that ALL the time. If I'm not earning money, cleaning, studying, etc, I am crap. I'm trying to limit the stuff on my list to stuff that NEEDS to be done, though it's hard. And I've been working on the 'valuable as a person' thing a lot as of last-with and without the therapist. I'm not sure I've ever been comfy with lack of stress, even since, like, birth.
Electrum
04-14-2008, 03:40 PM
I just found this thread! I've been struggling with depression and other mental illnesses for years. And they've been getting worse as I get older. For most of my life I tried to cope without medication, but it got to the point where not only could I NOT function, but I was also losing touch with reality. Depression is my major battle, but if I'm not careful I am also prone to brief psychotic episodes. Unfortunately it just seems to run in my family. Without medication I'm pretty much in la la land. I'm currently on Zoloft. I've been on if for about nine months now and I just cannot believe that I never tried medication before. I actually function now, AND I'm really an interesting person now that I know who I really am as a functional human being.
Anyhoo! I just wanted to give a brief history of my depression. I'm probably going to be using this board a lot because even while medicated I have my "moments." Thanks for the support! ;D
kikidejavu
04-14-2008, 03:46 PM
im glad you tried th meds. i am currently struggling with my decision about them. some days i think i can handle it, and i dont need them, some days i just want to be medicated. im glad you feel better
Electrum
04-14-2008, 05:03 PM
im glad you tried th meds. i am currently struggling with my decision about them. some days i think i can handle it, and i dont need them, some days i just want to be medicated. im glad you feel better
I don't wanna sound like a pill pusher, but I said that same line to myself for YEARS. One week I'd feel fine, the next week I wanted to die. It wasn't until I started suffering from brief psychotic episodes that I finally decided to get help (and even then it was only after a year of suffering PTSD-like symptoms after a brief psychotic episode brought on by trauma). I suffered for SO LONG thinking, "Oh I can handle it without meds." Nope! I couldn't! And it took me hitting rock bottom mentally and with drugs for me to figure out that I needed help. I was trying to self medicate with street drugs and alcohol and it was just making me all the more insane. Like I said, I'm not trying to convince you to take meds, but if you just try them you can always get off of them again. Just make sure you research the meds you're considering because some of the depression meds are really hard on your system.
And I want to add this: When I first started taking anti-depression meds (Zoloft) I had HORRIFYING side-effects. It threw me into mania (which is actually a sign that you're bipolar, but the doctor said it was all in my head >:( AND I was puking every day for about two weeks. I was shaking, rambling, not eating, jaw clenching, barely sleeping, and definitely in a manic state. It took maybe two or three weeks for my body to finally get used to the medicine. The doctors told me I could just stop taking it but I decided to stick through it because I was 'sick and tired of being sick and tired.' Now I'm SO glad that I stuck through the first few weeks of hell because I can definitely tell a difference in my life.
(Oh, and I got a new doctor. That guy was an ass and had no idea WTF he was talking about.)
Electrum
04-14-2008, 07:55 PM
It always disturbs me how on the one hand, America pushes meds like nothing else, but on the other hand; depressed and mentally ill people always feel this pressure to "go without" help from medication. Both extremes can be damaging to an individual with specific needs. Anyone else know what I mean? LOL now I know I post to much... I'm responding to myself! Weeeee
Peanut_Butter
04-15-2008, 09:14 PM
I have discovered the only cure to my depression is a very strict schedule and routine that I absolutly cannot change. If I veer off my routine, I fuck everything up, cannot function, and revert back into stress/worry/depression/bad thoughts.
I have been trying to work extra days because I will be evicted tomorrow if my rent isn't paid. I canno work those extra days. it's not my routine. I can't seem to function if I try to alter my routine. It's espicially important that I startthe day right and on schedule, or everythign will go to shit. This is madness. I guess it's good I'm productive and not a lump anymore, but it pisses me off that I am unable to function if I try to alter my routine. I have to go to bed at the same time, wake up at the same time and do the things I have scheduled myself to do, at the times I have scheduled them. If I am an hour off, I feel like everythign is ruined and the day is fucked. One extreme to another.
However, if I stick to the routine and do the things I am supposed to, then my day is wonderful, I go to work, I make a lot of money, I feel happy and very satisfied and like I acomplished great things.
But days like today when I really nmeed and want to go to work so I can make extra money for the rent, I just can't. I just can't take the nesessary steps in order to get there. Then I feel guilty for not doing it and get stressed out and grrr.
Katrine
04-18-2008, 01:59 PM
I got off all of the meds. I got rid of my boyfriend who was dragging me down. I got focused at work and started making money. And I decided to take a real vacation next week in a gorgeous place with people I love.
The other shoe will drop at some point but I am very content at the moment. I've been crazy manic all week. It would be nice to have a middle ground. The depression is really bad, but I can't even think about it right now.
Even when I'm manic and happy, I'm suicidal, always been. Drugs didn't kill me, perhaps mental illness will.
Sophia_Starina
04-18-2008, 02:16 PM
:grouphug: my heart goes out to everyone. :heartbeat
Lonelily
04-21-2008, 10:16 AM
I wish I was dead.
Electrum
04-21-2008, 10:38 AM
I wish I was dead.
Are you just wishing you were dead or are you planning on anything? Don't feel bad if you wanna talk about it, this is what the thread is for! If you are actually planning on hurting yourself, and I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but PLEASE get some help immediately! If it's just "one of those days" you can certainly PM me if you feel like talking to someone. I hope you feel better...
zxcire
04-21-2008, 10:49 AM
I love you LL. Please don't be dead.
I am going through the motions. Every day. I wake up and do what needs to be done that day. I tell myself to DO IT, because it needs to be done. Not because I think anything is necessary or important to do, but because when I get depressed I have to go on autopilot to make it through.
Get up, eat, buy things, work, clean up the house, make contact with people. Just fucking do it, because when I stop making those efforts the downward slide quickens exponentially. So I must stay with, if not on top of, things.
So far, so good. I'm not dead.
RoseLeigh
04-21-2008, 03:36 PM
^^Yep. That's how I am a LOT. Just slogging through. I've been a little better lately-I think I made some strides with therapy. I'm working on not feeling like everything is my fault and that's no small part of the depression.
And yes, LL we love you. No death please?
kikidejavu
04-22-2008, 11:45 AM
I wish I was dead.
DO NOT WANT!!!
TigersMilk
04-22-2008, 08:39 PM
I just want to say there are a lot less days I wake up and feel like crap. Not everyday is shiny and great but it doesn't suck anymore.
magenta
04-22-2008, 11:14 PM
Actually, its not approved for bipolar AT ALL...unless there have been recent changes. Its officially used for schizophrenia, but that doesn't really mean anything. Studies have shown it to be effective as an atypical mood stabilizer.
True, but Anti-seizure and anti-psychotic medications are used very frequently for treating bi-polar disorder.
I currently take Seroquel for my bi-polar disorder. It has been relatively effective, though it gives you a terrible sleep hangover. It's completely imposible to wake up for about 12 hours. Seriously.
Electrum
04-23-2008, 08:17 AM
I just want to say there are a lot less days I wake up and feel like crap. Not everyday is shiny and great but it doesn't suck anymore.
Awesome! That's how I feel also. Even though my situation hasn't really improved yet I've been able to have more control over my moods and thoughts. :flower:
^FUCK maybe I should have knocked on wood? lol
kikidejavu
04-23-2008, 01:01 PM
there is a book called "Why Your Life Sucks and What You Can Do About It" by Alan Cohen.
it has really been life changing for me. he basically just tells us that we are in control of everything we do and think. and makes us look at the things that make our life suck, and he tells us to stop doing them. replace them with what works for us.
very simple concept, but made me realize that i actually am in control of everything that i do everyday. not saying this is a magic cure for actual depression, but it's really helped me.
the point of everything i do, is in the end to achieve happiness. if the things i am doing does not provide that, or will never provide that, im not doing them.
its 10 dollars i think, or you can google it, and read a few passages.
BrunetteGoddess
04-23-2008, 01:10 PM
I feel worthless. I have no energy. Nobody wants to hire me. I suck.
zxcire
04-24-2008, 02:47 PM
The littlest things send me over the edge anymore. I called to change the delivery of my new bed and the lady wanted my receipt number and/or phone number to look up my order by....and I only wanted to give her my name to look it up by...so I hung up on her. I mean I was really, really, pissed off that she didn't ask my name.
Then I cried.
Now I have to call back.
Just keep swimming...
Electrum
04-24-2008, 05:26 PM
OK... I think I'm bi-polar :'( Seriously, I'm about to fucking break down... I'm an idiot I guess... fuck I have to do school work... I'm sorry I'm a fuck 'tard everybody...
Electrum
04-25-2008, 07:17 PM
Update: Thank you whoever erased my post last night. I have a few theories about what happened, but I am going to get psychologically evaluated again soon. Probably after finals and all. I'm hoping I can get an evaluation for free... Anyhoo, thanks for erasing it. I was obviously in a state of mania or something fucked up.
I'm doing better today. I made it a point to rest. I emailed my professors and told them I was dealing with a stressful situation and that I needed a time extension on a couple projects. Thank God, they agreed. So I have the day to relax, cuddle with family, sleep, and eat. I'm sore as fuck because of my pole lessons and last nights... adventure... but I'm just glad that I finally feel "down" again. I just hope I don't do that again... the scariest part is that I didn't really feel like I had control... err... not really even that... more like I was "possessed" by impulses or something really weird... No thought of consequences whatsoever... Ack! Well, this is the only thread I'll bring it up in because I really do think it was some sort of mental health issue.
Is there anyone who is Bi-polar who can either PM me or answer some questions I have? Is it true that anti-depression meds can actually induce mania in a bi-polar person? And I kinda wanna chit chat about more personal symptomes... just to see if we can identify and maybe I can find a doctor who can help me or something....
Egads, I feel really awkward here now, so I'm going to be way less active for awhile. :grouphug: :'(
Joy to the world
04-29-2008, 10:45 PM
I just found this thread thanks to fancy girl....(she has been a amazing friend) I been really taking a down turn lately...I have struggled with depression for years now and have be medicated off and on...but found it more trouble than its worth at most points since I can't take pills so I don't take it reg. and they want me to go to a counsler that wants me to talk about my mother and I'm not in a place where I can deal with those emotions yet with out it affecting everything else I do that week. I'm really struggling lately....I just feel so abandoned and hung out to dry by friends and just apathetic about everything. My insomia has come back and I can not for the life of me, make it to school every morning...and my first class is 10:30.....I don't know what to do.......I'm taking the summer off of school and giving up on my graduating in three years goal....I just feel like everything is teetering on the edge of insanity.......just keep me in your thoughts
Sophia_Ashley
04-30-2008, 02:10 PM
Ah I just discovered this!! Add in all my posts in Body business about being on cymbalta. I'm at my wits end. I feel like a maniac. And outside of myself. I'm so fucking depressed and I hadn't been when I started taking it. I began taking it because I know myself, and I know I go through great times then a bad time will hit and I'll get obsessive over it to the point I get depressed or suicidal.
I"m starting to think I'm not curable. I don't know what's fucking wrong with me :( I have all the lovely labels doctors wanted to give. PTSD, OCD and Personality/Behavioral disorder and Anxiety. AKA I'm a mess if I allow myself to be. Otherwise I have full control. I just wanted to NOT worry about always having to be on my toes watching my actions and words. Which is why I sought meds. And now I'm manic and seeing shit.
I'm going off of it. But I can't help but feel like a failure