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BrunetteGoddess
03-09-2008, 03:55 PM
Since we have a ED, and anxiety support thread, i though this would be nice to have too.A lot of people seem to be suffering from varying degrees of depression on SW. I thought maybe this could be covered in the anxiety thread, but thought that they were two different things, even though one can go hand in hand with the other. SO use this as you will. I'll start.


I posted a thread today titled 'Failure'. I am letting my depression consume me and it's getting scary. I think depression is hereditary in my case, because I have always been battling with it. I was also suicidal at one point.

Sometimes I wonder if I am bipolar with how radical my behavior is, but I have no way of knowing.

Today is a bad day; I'm slipping into severe territory, and my mood swings are alarming.

virgoamm
03-11-2008, 11:18 AM
Thank you for posting this. I'm right there with ya. I've been depressed for a while now, and sometimes I wonder if I'm mildly bipolar with all these ups and downs. I don't know if the days I feel 'good' are just me feeling normal or are actually manic episodes. Depression runs in my family too.

cameron_keys
03-11-2008, 12:06 PM
It's sad that I can post in all three of these. I wish I could find something that helped with my depression or anxiety...it makes it worse every time something ELSE has no effect. I fell more and more hopeless..like nothing will EVER work for me.

BrunetteGoddess
03-11-2008, 07:16 PM
I wish Lexapro wasn't fucking $80 WITH insurance and no generic available.

Grr.. I feel crazy sometimes.

stellaforstars
03-11-2008, 08:11 PM
On the subject of Lexapro...

I am so frustrated. I started antidepressants to help me get my life together, so I could begin to pick up the pieces of everything that's fallen apart. It seems they've only made things worse.

I don't eat...Seriously, I take in maybe 500 calories a day. If I go over that amount, I throw it up. I am nauseated constantly. I get violent tremors several times a day that make it impossible to do anything. I am dizzy for a good chunk of the day. I stumble quite a bit and I've even fallen over out of the blue a couple of times. And my memory has been effected. Not only am I spacey and forgetful (with things like my $300 jacket that is now gone forever--and the only one that I own), but I can't place people in my head if they are not in their usual element. If I see someone I've known for 10 years at the community theatre at, say, a restaurant, I cannot recognize them.

These side effects are NOT fucking normal. I know that it can take a few weeks to get them worked out but fuck...I have so much I need to accomplish. Withdrawing from school is proving to be impossible, I've got to find a new fucking job, I have so many random things that need to be taken care of...I just can't handle it. They're making me more fucking depressed than I was before.

I hope my psychiatrist will actually listen to me, but I fear he won't.

Ugh.

All Good Things
03-11-2008, 09:23 PM
^ Lexipro is the Spawn of Satan. I'm quite serious about this.

There's a certain class of patients who swear by it. But the side effects are notoriously debilitating. When I was on Lexapro -- and I can tolerate Chernobyl nuclear waste tootpaste -- I could actually feel it circulating inside my head. How weird is that? Every single last sexual response will drain right out of you. You'll feel as sexy as SpongeBob Squarepants.

I lasted about 5 days before I walked back into my shrink's office and said "No dice." I made a case for Wellbutrin, which is NOT an SSRI, and generally has mild side effects compared to any SSRI. It's also been around forever, which is very good for patients, but not so good for prescribing physicians who are pitched on the newest medications on the market.

Wellbutrin also got a very undeserved reputation for being responsible for seizures -- which it was at very high doses, and in the old formulation. So that situation doesn't exist anymore. This bad rap is one of the reasons docs still hesitate to prescribe it. But you'll lose weight on Wellbutrin ER and there will be NO harmful sexual side effects, guaranteed.

Many shrinks are not good at listening to you, and will have their minds made up on what they are going to switch you to before you even finish your first few sentences describing how miserable you feel. Please, for the love of God, do not let him/her get away with this. Please do not put anything in your body that you do not want.

I agree that the psychopharmacological symptoms like not being able to place people out of context are likely a Lexapro side-effect, but I wonder about your inability to hold food down. That sounds like a more systemic issue. The SSRIs don't even break down into their active metabolites until they get to the liver, so throwing up a pill with such a delayed action seems strange.

Please take very good care of yourself, OK? And believe me when I tell you that it's going to get better with the right meds. Nobody gets the right combination the first time around, and it usually takes a couple of cycles even with docs who listen and are willing to work with you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, my dear. This sounds like a horrific experience and the sooner you can get on the path to recovery, the better.

Yekhefah
03-11-2008, 11:01 PM
I had a pretty bad depressive episode myself today. I was hospitalized for depression for four weeks when I was twelve; it's been a lifelong battle for me as well, and likely always will be. I find that medication makes it worse. Happy pills give me panic attacks because I don't know what they're doing to my body, and I do believe they cause more problems than they solve. We are an overmedicated population and it's all to make drug companies wealthy. I refuse to participate.

I do find that regular exercise helps a lot. It's about the only thing that does. If you haven't tried an hour a day of good vigorous exercise, give it a go. I still have to sacrifice a day or two a month to depression, but the rest of the time I'm happy and I know it's genuine, not chemical.

Hot2Trot
03-12-2008, 10:05 AM
I am so saddened reading all of your posts !

:'( .


I am sooooo sorry for the sadness you are each experiencing;

:grouphug: .


I truly hope that Today, and everyday from here on, is a shiny day for you all;

http://www.woodsabold.com/waterfalls/6.05-YosemRainbow4.8.jpg


Have a GREAT day !!!
:) .


:flirt: .

Katrine
03-12-2008, 10:51 AM
I am depressed.

My career is going well, got a big promotion a few months ago, and am at the top. I am really lagging behind though, and its going to affect my numbers for the rest of the year.

I am in great shape, working out regularly, eating very well.

My home is clean, I have a nice car, lots of great material things.

I'm not broke, although havn't been doing the things I need to be making and saving more.

My friends are great, amazing, and supportive.

And finally, I have a wonderful man who loves and cherishes me.

So why am I lying in bed crying all morning, not wanting to face the world? So what if I'm behind on paperwork and calls at the office? So what if I've been drinking lately, I can take advantage of the resources I have to stop.

But again, I am miserable, hopeless, and having those black thoughts. I don't want to take medication anymore, but I have a bag full of mood stabilizers to try if I want. The BF doesn't want me on them though, he believes we can work through it.

Fortunately I have my therapist tomorrow, and going to the gym soon. But I really just want to curl up and sleep for a long, long time. :(

Katrine
03-12-2008, 10:52 AM
^ Lexipro is the Spawn of Satan. I'm quite serious about this.

So true. I'd rather be suicidal than to be unable to have orgasms. Lexapro sucks.

RoseLeigh
03-12-2008, 02:00 PM
Usually I'd be posting in the panic thread, but it seems like I swing back and forth these days. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am trying to be excited about school, but it doesn't last. Work is...just a freaking mess. I can't make a buck without seeing people I know, or having to cross my boundaries. Now I have no car. I've been going downhill since November. I'm trying to push myself to get up, do yoga and get things done, but I end up crying most days. I end up forgetting really important things all the time. Just blanking out. I'm IN therapy and it's helping but it's so hard. No matter how many changes I make to my outlook, or to my life, it gets worse.

iambonbon05
03-12-2008, 02:31 PM
I've been doing pretty good the last week or two but it comes and goes. A few months ago I thought I was practically cured and then it came back full force and now I'm ok again.

I was on generic Prozac but stopped. I didn't seem able to take it regularly. It's not like I'd forget, because I've been taking medications of some sort on a daily basis since I was a little kid. I'd just be like "nah, don't feel like it" and not take it for weeks at a time. Then realize that I was being stupid and start taking it again. Wash, rinse, repeat. Figured that I was doing more harm to myself going on again off again than just not taking it at all.

Talking to a counselor, psych, whatever just feels like a waste of time.

Katrine
03-12-2008, 03:07 PM
I'm trying to push myself to get up, do yoga and get things done, but I end up crying most days. I end up forgetting really important things all the time. Just blanking out. I'm IN therapy and it's helping but it's so hard. No matter how many changes I make to my outlook, or to my life, it gets worse.

Me too Rose, me too. Hugs. :'(

RoseLeigh
03-12-2008, 03:21 PM
Me too Rose, me too. Hugs. :'(

It so sucks, I wish I knew what the hell was wrong. There is some good in my life (boy, grades are okay). I think a LOT of money is money and the therapy process. I want to not cry all the damn time.

cameron_keys
03-12-2008, 03:53 PM
My depression gets REALLY bad when my financial situation goes downhill. I hate being so affected by money, but when I'm not making much all my mind tells me is that we're going to lose the house, my car will be repo-ed and I wont be able to afford my Dr or prescriptions so I will die soon. I cant help it. I try not to think that way..but its like my mind over-rides my common sense that says that something always gives eventually and I start making money again. What if THIS time it doesnt and I lose everything I've worked so hard for?

The bad thing is that thinking like that makes it hard to get out of bed at ALL, which makes it hard to work, which makes my financial situation even worse. Its a Catch-22.

I do find that when I start spiraling downward...everything gets better if I go out of town for a week or two. Change of scenery, out of the hideous South FL club environment and since I'm not home I'm FORCED to go to work to make it worthwhile.

Just something to consider..if you can travel for even a few days...it really does help put things into perspective.

abluehawaiipls
03-12-2008, 03:57 PM
I relate to this thread so much... I think I have been depressed most of my life so much that it just seems normal. I don't want to take any pills, too much side effects....and i just don't want to for some reason..

Do any of you get insomnia, last night i couldn't fall asleep, and was completely anxious...like i had to find something to do. i kept walking to and from the restroom, watch tv, surfing the net, hahah i don't know what's wrong with me...

i didn't go to bed until like 7 am

anyone out there with similiar experience?

cameron_keys
03-12-2008, 03:59 PM
I have suffered from horrible insomnia for many years. I have to take Rx sleeping pills every night or I dont sleep for days..weeks sometimes. It sucks

RoseLeigh
03-12-2008, 04:22 PM
I do find that when I start spiraling downward...everything gets better if I go out of town for a week or two. Change of scenery, out of the hideous South FL club environment and since I'm not home I'm FORCED to go to work to make it worthwhile.

Just something to consider..if you can travel for even a few days...it really does help put things into perspective.

This weekend the boy is taking me away, just for a few days. It might be a working vaca, but mostly I wanted to see the topless donut shop (Portland, ME) and get out of NJ. I hope it helps. Philly is dreary at the moment anyway-few custies, mostly looking for extras. I swear it's poised to be the next Dallas or Miami. That doesn't help my outlook any either.

Katrine
03-12-2008, 04:38 PM
My oh so supportive friends.....

I am done trying to convince you that are allowed to be happy and enjoy life. The only thing I can control is whether or not I let your moods bring me down too.
::)

When I get like this I like to let a couple of people know so that there is some accountability and I don't do something stupid. I either get the reaction above, or asked if I am taking my meds.

Its 100% my fault for drinking again. I have a couple of health problems too, and I think I am going to have to leave the most amazing man, and love, in my life. All it took was one month for me to fuck up something good. He's coming over, and he's going to tell me he loves me, and wants to be with me, and I will break down and hold him. Then we'll get drunk and nothing has improved.

Katrine
03-12-2008, 04:41 PM
Just something to consider..if you can travel for even a few days...it really does help put things into perspective.

Travel does help. I am going to a crappy, dreary city in a few weeks, but its not for fun. I need a trip to the Carribbean, like, now!

xdamage
03-12-2008, 04:53 PM
On the subject of Lexapro...
These side effects are NOT fucking normal. I know that it can take a few weeks to get them worked out but fuck...

The side effects you are having are not normal. The idea is that it can take a few weeks for SSRI's to have a positive effect (i.e., for you to start feeling like the dark cloud is lifting), but you really shouldn't have such dramatic negative effects. Call the doctor asap about the side effects.

p.s., what others said about side effects, like having trouble orgasming is true, but you really shouldn't be feeling like a zombie otherwise.

cameron_keys
03-12-2008, 05:04 PM
Katrine...I"m so sorry people do that to you. I TRULY hope that my comments in another thread didnt insult you..I was just worried to hear you were drinking again. I wondered about the guy too when you said you get drunk together,but I didnt want to say anything. Does he know you've had issues with addiction in the past? Do you think he will be able to stop drinking around you? I'd hate to see you have to break it off..otherwise he seems to make you so happy and its really nice to see you happy. You are an amazing person and you deserve it...I really enjoyed the chance to meet you last year(even though I couldnt take every night off to hang out with you guys)

Its complete CRAP that so-called friends tell you that you are bringing them down. They should damn well know that you are having a hard time and SUPPORT you..not make it worse.

TheSexKitten
03-12-2008, 05:05 PM
Ahhh it's good to see threads like these. I've been having a lot of pent-up frustration, guilt, and sadness recently regarding my mom.

She called me about a week ago to tell me that she had been kidnapped a couple days prior after leaving the hospital, and that 15 Filipino guys attempted to kill her [ex-methhead ex-gangster] boyfriend. Apparently they were hiding out at "some drug dealer's house". Oh, and they were in hiding because the attackers have an "in" with the police, and because the bf has a warrant out for his arrest, so could they please stay with me at my house for almost a week.

I asked why he has a warrant out, and she replied that it was because he attacked her, but only minimally (WTF?!!?!). He attacked her because he had been poisoned.

So I got weirded out and discreetly called the cops, and the lady on the phone remembered my mom from a couple weeks ago. They sent a car out to check up on her but they went to her registered addresses (against my advice) and didn't bother to call the landline (which I had provided), so they couldn't find her. They told me, however, that the call they had received a couple weeks ago was that she had been kidnapped and beaten and threatened by a weapon by her BOYFRIEND. When they went out to answer the phone call, they supposedly couldn't find any physical evidence of assault on her.

So I called her back, and told her that she was welcome but not him. She asked why, and I explained my reasons. Then, as I should have fucking expected, she just threw a bitch fit and told me how useless I am and that she was never able to count on me for anything, anyway.

That's all. It just sucks right now. I also have minor anxiety issues so the both together gets somewhat overwhelming.

Katrine
03-12-2008, 05:28 PM
Katrine...I"m so sorry people do that to you. I TRULY hope that my comments in another thread didnt insult you..I was just worried to hear you were drinking again. I wondered about the guy too when you said you get drunk together,but I didnt want to say anything. Does he know you've had issues with addiction in the past? Do you think he will be able to stop drinking around you? I'd hate to see you have to break it off..otherwise he seems to make you so happy and its really nice to see you happy. You are an amazing person and you deserve it...I really enjoyed the chance to meet you last year(even though I couldnt take every night off to hang out with you guys)

Its complete CRAP that so-called friends tell you that you are bringing them down. They should damn well know that you are having a hard time and SUPPORT you..not make it worse.

Awwww, thank you honey. I know you were being supportive, you are so kind. My actual issue is with the AA culture. I've actually been in constant contact with my new AA sponsor, and she is just totally cool and understands.

I used to be able to drink normally, with occasional binges. Hell, even in Key West...we got silly drunk the first night (hash browns anyone?) but I didn't get out of control the rest of the weekend. Something changed in me. I am thinking its just age, progression of addiction, drug use...but I've always been depression prone.

Also, I think I've just been through TOO much damn therapy, psychoanalysis, AA, rehab, bipolar meds, depression meds, read too many books, etc... I'm hyper aware of my moods and always trying to get to the bottom of everything...once I get out of my black hole, anyway. Truth is, I've been like this since I was a child.

When I told my mom about my wonderful new boy, the first thing she said was, "don't show him your moods, you know what I'm talking like that. Man don't like sad girl, be happy around him"

She means well though, really, just looking out for me. Cam and others, its good to hear your stories. You are bright and inspirational people to me.

Katrine
03-12-2008, 05:31 PM
SexKitten...I'm so sorry that happened. But way to stand your ground. Its so tough to be firm and objective with family. Good luck to you, and my prayers for your mom getting out of an abusive situation.

BalletBaby
03-12-2008, 06:30 PM
^ Lexipro is the Spawn of Satan. I'm quite serious about this.



WORD.


In other news, I think my new meds may be working. I woke up really happy on monday, like, I can't remember being that happy for no reason before. It was just a good day. Even my therapist could tell I was so bright and cheery. I really hope this feeling sticks cause laying in bed crying with a razor is not fun. So yay to new meds! Oh, and

FUCK LEXAPRO

BalletBaby
03-12-2008, 06:38 PM
On the subject of Lexapro...

I am so frustrated. I started antidepressants to help me get my life together, so I could begin to pick up the pieces of everything that's fallen apart. It seems they've only made things worse.

I don't eat...Seriously, I take in maybe 500 calories a day. If I go over that amount, I throw it up. I am nauseated constantly. I get violent tremors several times a day that make it impossible to do anything. I am dizzy for a good chunk of the day. I stumble quite a bit and I've even fallen over out of the blue a couple of times. And my memory has been effected. Not only am I spacey and forgetful (with things like my $300 jacket that is now gone forever--and the only one that I own), but I can't place people in my head if they are not in their usual element. If I see someone I've known for 10 years at the community theatre at, say, a restaurant, I cannot recognize them.

These side effects are NOT fucking normal. I know that it can take a few weeks to get them worked out but fuck...I have so much I need to accomplish. Withdrawing from school is proving to be impossible, I've got to find a new fucking job, I have so many random things that need to be taken care of...I just can't handle it. They're making me more fucking depressed than I was before.

I hope my psychiatrist will actually listen to me, but I fear he won't.

Ugh.

When is your psychiatrist appointment? Be very very careful with Lexapro, I had two drinks once (didn't even get buzzed) and I ended up having a major freak out because I couldn't get a hold of my bf. Big hugs to you sweetie:hug::hug::hug:

And hugs for everyone else too:grouphug:

stellaforstars
03-12-2008, 08:29 PM
My psych appointment is tomorrow. I got shitfaced on Monday night and didn't have any problems...except for the fact that I was irresponsible enough to have that much to drink while on my ADs in the first place.

I feel so incredibly hopeless tonight. I don't know how to fix things. I don't know what's going to happen when I suddenly owe my school $5000 for withdrawing and find myself no longer eligible for federal aid. I don't know how I'm going to find a job I can get to easily when I no longer have the option of student assistant positions. I don't know how to keep from giving up. I hate everything.

BrunetteGoddess
03-12-2008, 09:18 PM
I'm turning into a horrible wife. I need health insurance so I can get on some medication dammit!

TheSexKitten
03-13-2008, 09:09 AM
SexKitten...I'm so sorry that happened. But way to stand your ground. Its so tough to be firm and objective with family. Good luck to you, and my prayers for your mom getting out of an abusive situation.

Thanks. It's a weird internal struggle I'm having between being sad for her and angry and frustrated all at the same time.

I really hope everything works out soon for you as well. :hug: You sound pretty amazing, with all those things on your plate at once!

stellaforstars
03-13-2008, 12:45 PM
Nothing like sitting and listening to how crazy your doc thinks you are for an hour to lift your spirits. :-\

The center's diagnosis for me:

Bipolar Disorder Type II
PTSD Type II

Lovely.

cameron_keys
03-13-2008, 01:00 PM
Nothing like sitting and listening to how crazy your doc thinks you are for an hour to lift your spirits. :-\

The center's diagnosis for me:

Bipolar Disorder Type II
PTSD Type II

Lovely.
It's better then not knowing. At least now you know theres a real illness at work and you arent just "crazy". Now you can take steps to make it better. Good luck and kudos on having the guts to go in and get diagnosed!

TigersMilk
03-13-2008, 01:05 PM
Nothing like sitting and listening to how crazy your doc thinks you are for an hour to lift your spirits. :-\

The center's diagnosis for me:

Bipolar Disorder Type II
PTSD Type II

Lovely.

The first steps are hard. At least now you know. Instead of going around thinking you're "crazy". I think you made a great step in conquering these problems you have. :)

TheSexKitten
03-13-2008, 02:46 PM
^^^ FWIW, you siggy is l33tness. I want a little ninja to slice my name!!

I can't wait until my psych. appointment.

Mily
03-13-2008, 06:22 PM
I've been battling severe Depression, General Anxiety Disorder, and a Panic Disorder for about 3 years now. Having anxiety, panic attacks every single day, and depression really sucks. It all started the last few months I was in Hawaii and I was forced to move. I had a wonderful life there. I had a job I absolutely loved, a boyfriend (even though the relationship was kind of unhealthy and we wanted to kill eachother most of the time, lol),... I had tons of friends, and my arthritis and allergies didn't consume my life.

I have to hear it almost everyday from people. "Well, you were in Hawaii, of course you were happy." ...But they'll never fucking get it. To me it was my home, my soul, my identity. When I had to leave it was like they took everything I ever worked so hard away from me. The assignment didn't just fall from the sky onto my lap. I worked very hard in Air Force Tech School and graduated at the top of my class to get to Hawaii. I had my reasons for wanting to live there, and it JUST wasn't because I wanted to be in paradise everyday. ::) It was because I wanted a home. Nobody will ever understand how I feel. I was an Air Force brat, I moved around my whole life. When I lived in Hawaii... I knew I just belonged there. FOREVER. I was devastated when I had to leave. I was hospitalized twice for depression and anxiety the last year I was in the Air Force due to the stress and trauma of my move. I was angry, I wanted out of the military, I wanted to be FREE. People thought I was being a baby and I was a nutjob, but they didn't have a fucking clue.

I don't want to be on medication for the rest of my life... but my depression and anxiety are so bad I can't even focus or keep my eyes open without it. It's seriously crippling... I can't function without my medication. I just want to feel free again. Free from these crippling diseases. I pray everyday for God to keep me strong. I just want to be truly happy again. I feel so alone here in Texas. I've lived half of my life in this state and I hate it, but my family lives here and they are here for me, even though they don't fully understand my diseases and my battles. Thank God for you guys.

iambonbon05
03-14-2008, 03:46 PM
Not doing well today :'( I've been looking forward to working today for weeks and now I don't want to.

Mily
03-14-2008, 05:57 PM
^Yup. I was going to work tonight but my allergies and anxiety have me super depressed right now. :( I hope tomorrow will be better. At least today was better than yesterday.

BrunetteGoddess
03-14-2008, 06:25 PM
Ugh, I know how you feel with bad allergies and anxiety today Mily.

We need hugs. :hug:

Mily
03-14-2008, 06:29 PM
THEY SUCK! :'( My ears and my eyes are completely red right now. I keep rubbing my face and sneezing. At least I took my klonopin so my anxiety has subsided.

:hug: back at ya!

stellaforstars
03-14-2008, 06:48 PM
Therapy makes me so uncomfortable.

That is all.

TheSexKitten
03-14-2008, 11:28 PM
Mily! I just read your post. :'( Lots of hugs from me to you. :hug:

*sigh* I went in to work today, made $40 within the first half hour, and left. I know that I'm hot. I know that I rarely ever ever ever leave with less than $300, and that I won't be making money like that until I'm out of grad school. But I just didn't care. I had a very sweet customer, but when he agreed to dances I could only think, "I am so DONE with this." I feel super numb and just... wrong in the club much of the time. It's just not something I can do day after day. I've wanted to quit for a while but the money is so addicting.

Now I feel like a failure because I'm too lazy or weak or whatever to just go do the stupid job and make the damn money because I should. I feel directionless.

There's an ad for a job on Craigslist for a tutor, and I might be able to hack it. It's $15/hour and 20 hrs a week, and I could dance a night or two once in a while to make extra. I really hope I get this job because I feel terrible right now.

Mily
03-15-2008, 12:08 AM
^Thanks, Sweetheart. :) Hugs to you, too. :hug:

That's the first time I've ever shared my full story on here. I forgot to mention that I was also attending my dream college when I was forced to leave Hawaii. Talk about having your heart ripped right out of your fucking chest. My divorce didn't hurt as badly as that-- talk about intense and extreme pain. I literally thought I was going to die. This is why I decided to get out of the military and strip. I live life on my own damn terms now and I plan on retiring early. I've already sued the Air Force for all the shit they put me through, and I'm still currently filing and fighting another disabilty claim with them. The Man Upstairs knows what I have been through, and I feel in my heart that I will win. I'll keep fighting until I do.

virgoamm
03-15-2008, 10:21 AM
Aww, Mily. :grouphug:

I'm so tired of being depressed. It didn't really hit me full force until I was about 25. I don't know if that's just when it started or because of where I was living (Seattle). I lived there for five years, and while I loved the city, the weather just plain sucked-well, except for summer. Eight months out of the year. Rain and cold. Rain and cold.

I've worked so hard to better myself. I know I wrote about this a long time ago, but I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger. I got involved with a bad crowd, got hooked on heavy drugs, dropped out of school in the 9th grade, ran away from home when I was 16 and got arrested several times between the ages of 18-19.

I finally got my life together at 20. I started college, busted my ass working, got a degree in Psych from the University of Washington, went to graduate school, taught English in Japan... I had really built up a great resume for myself with the jobs I had and the education I obtained.

I moved back to Texas in late 2006 ready to conquer the world, only to discover that my past apparently completely overshadowed all the fucking hard work I did to overcome my circumstances. No one would hire me. Not even in mental health, which I got into in the first place because I wanted to help people (teens specifically) that were going the the things that I did.

I wanted to be a school teacher, since I found out that I loved teaching while I was in Japan. Nope. Thought about being a flight attendant to travel the world. Nope.

Fuck you world. I became so bitter, angry and sad. And I still feel this way. I paid my dues, became a better person, why the hell can't I just have a chance to live a normal life? Why the fuck did I even bother with school in the first place? Apparently I am deemed to be a second class citizen forever regardless of what I've accomplished.

Le fucking sigh.

Katrine
03-15-2008, 12:34 PM
I'm going to get back onto Seroquel, it seems to be helpful in small doses, and doesn't have the side-effects of SSRI. All it does is sedate me so I get a good night sleep and wake up feeling refreshed but subdued, not as anxious or sad.

I have to either get to the office today, and catch up, or take a short holiday. I am about to go back to bed though, feeling really out of sorts.

stellaforstars
03-15-2008, 12:58 PM
My doc is thinking about putting me on Seroquel...But on a daily basis rather than as a sleeping aid. I have 200mg of Trazodone for sleep that I know he wants to keep me on.

I'm kind of worried the Seroquel will sedate me a little too much.

BalletBaby
03-15-2008, 01:06 PM
^ I know everyone reacts differently to meds, but I take seroquil on a daily basis and I haven't become more tired than I normally am. I'm supposed to up my dose though, to 2 pills a day. We'll see how that goes.

britt244
03-15-2008, 01:24 PM
i'm curious. if seroquel works as a sleeping aide, how can it be useful in daily life?

Katrine
03-15-2008, 01:38 PM
My doc is thinking about putting me on Seroquel...But on a daily basis rather than as a sleeping aid. I have 200mg of Trazodone for sleep that I know he wants to keep me on.

I'm kind of worried the Seroquel will sedate me a little too much.

Trazadone was absolutely horrible for me, I hallucinated for hours. Seroquel is very sedating for me. While in rehab, the doctor told me I was crazy because I was pissed off that the nurses were making me take my antibiotics on an empty stomach. I had a respitory infection from being in the same room with the same people everyday, and everyone got sick.

I can't take antibiotics on an empty stomach, it feels like someone is punching me as I digest them, and I almost always puke. I was fucking livid, so the doctor told me I was manic. Yes, apparently being angry is mania now, because we should all be subdued little mice that put up with everyone's bullshit! >:(

Point is, he had me on a ridiculous amount. 25 mg. 3-4 times a day, and 200mg. at night. I drank a shitload of coffee all day to stay awake, it was all I could do.

Katrine
03-15-2008, 01:42 PM
i'm curious. if seroquel works as a sleeping aide, how can it be useful in daily life?

If it makes you drowsy, you take it at night. Its an anti-psychotic, not meant to be taken as a "rescue" like xanax, for example. The drowsiness is a side effect, not its purpose.

I just like it because about 30 minutes after I take it, I HAVE to lie down, like, immediately. It doesn't actually put me to sleep like a real sleeping aide such as Ambien. It just makes my body really relaxed and rubbery, so I have to lie down. It doesn't get me to sleep any faster, but it sure is easier to fall asleep when my body is like a rock.

Its not really for pure depression though. Maybe we should have a bipolar support thread? When I am in a super hyper mood, or really depressed, I can't get any sleep, so either I burn the candle at both ends until I burn out (manic), or am toss and turn for hours, sad, then sleep all the next day (depress).

BalletBaby
03-15-2008, 02:01 PM
i'm curious. if seroquel works as a sleeping aide, how can it be useful in daily life?

I take it at night.