View Full Version : what the fuck just happened???
virgoamm
03-19-2008, 09:48 AM
^^^^Eesh, insensitive much??
Lysondra
03-19-2008, 09:52 AM
You went and told him you wanted to get married someday, didn'tcha?!
(jus' teasin' girl... :hug:)
BradC
03-19-2008, 09:54 AM
^^^^Eesh, insensitive much??
if being truthful is being insensitive, then i'm one insensitive bastard.;)
AznExtasy
03-19-2008, 09:58 AM
read the quote above yours and maybe you can see why he chose to do it over the phone.
i doubt that. most guys would just keep things going like they are. guys are different than girls (of course) and when a guy cheats, it has nothing to do with "love" or "feelings" (other than being horny and wanting some strange) if he really had feelings for her, just "cheating" (i'm quoting because they weren't married) wouldn't be enough to break it off.
that's probably the case...he had some time to think it over, and he decided that if he just told you flat out how he felt and didn't back down, he could get it over with quick...which is what he did. if he's already mentioned this to you before (about the dancing), he was looking for you to give him a definitive answer on when you were going to quit, and it sounds like (obviously i don't know this for sure) you just told him that you would in the near future, which wasn't a good enough answer for him. he's probably thinking that you're just putting him off about quitting and hoping that he'll drop it and you can continue to dance. taking that into consideration along with the 1-1/2 hr. drive, it was probably just enough to go ahead and stop it now.
i'll go ahead and apologize for what i'm about to say up front, because i'm not the "captain save a hoe" type, but that is the lamest thing that i've ever heard, and it's used by every woman that i've ever talked to. did this guy really waste a year of your life? doesn't that seem ridiculous when you think about it? i mean; were you going to do something special with that year that he kept you from doing, like find a cure for cancer or end world hunger? you lived your life during that year just like you'll live your life in the years to come, and nobody out there is "wasting your life" but yourself. that victim mentality serves no purpose but for you to feel sorry for yourself.
here's my opinion on the deal (take it for the 2-cents that it's worth)
we're only hearing one side of the story here, and it's obviously leaning in your direction since he's not posting. for all i know, your ability to tell what someone is feeling is nowhere near what you think it is. have you ever seen the movie, "beer fest" when the middle eastern guy is at the bar talking to this woman and his memory of the conversation was completely different than how it really went? anyway, it sounds like the guy had strong feelings on you dancing and he obviously feels that long distance relationships don't work, so he felt like it was better to go ahead and end things rather than keeping them going for any longer, when he knows that there's no future. when it all comes down to it, he doesn't somehow owe you a 1-1/2 hour drive to take you to dinner and break it off, just like you wouldn't owe him that, and he doesn't owe you some long drawn out list of excuses on why he made the choice that he did. look at it as him doing you a favor of not "wasting" any more of your life than he did.;)
Great explanation of why guys are complete assholes and all they think about is where to stick their dick next. I agree, don't let him waste any more of your life, and don't waste any more of your time dwelling on him.
BradC
03-19-2008, 09:59 AM
Great explanation of why guys are complete assholes and all they think about is where to stick their dick next. I agree, don't let him waste any more of your life, and don't waste any more of your time dwelling on him.
hey now, you women have faults too! don't be getting all high and mighty on me here! ;)
jhuka
03-19-2008, 01:29 PM
Just in response to these last few posts--I think the guy owed Georgia his honesty: that things should not have gone from her thinking all was well to a complete discontinuation of the relationship in one phone call. That means that he was not honest with his spirit, and that makes me angry for her: she deserved better, and she should continue to expect better. I know we tend to rationalize a lot of things these days, and one of those is dishonesty--it is almost a virtue to bend and twist and get what you want, at the exclusion of the feelings or soul of another. Georgia, I'm glad the thing came to an end because as I've said before I think this action of his speaks loudly about who he is; I hope, too, that you don't become jaded and think all guys are like this. Some will handle things much better--hell, you should have had some indication from him long before the phone call that all was not well. I think it's worthwhile, early in a relationship, to try and get a read on the guy's character...you can usually create a larger picture of someone through the smaller things they do--the way the treat others, the things they talk about, the things they love; try to look into the soul, if you can. It is easy to mask the soul with an impression of wealth or strength, but truly "rich" and strong people demonstrate those characteristics inevitably over time, and people who are not so strong, who don't know themselves, reveal those things too, if you look at them hard enough. So respect yourself--move on now, and when the time is right maybe you can think a little more objectively about what happened here. I think you know already that you deserved better, and I think the next relationship will BE better as a result. That is my big wish for you.
Dottie Rebel
03-19-2008, 02:37 PM
read the quote above yours and maybe you can see why he chose to do it over the phone.
The WAY he broke it off is the reason she is feeling that way (Duh). Had he acted like a standup adult and broke up with her in a more sensitive way she wouldn't be having this reaction. You're probably one of those guys that think women are all emotional, screamy harpies, right?
i doubt that. most guys would just keep things going like they are. guys are different than girls (of course) and when a guy cheats, it has nothing to do with "love" or "feelings" (other than being horny and wanting some strange) if he really had feelings for her, just "cheating" (i'm quoting because they weren't married) wouldn't be enough to break it off.
So when boys cheat it's because they are horny and want to fuck, but when women cheat it's because of "love" and "feelings"? And cheating isn't real if you aren't married?
You're a case study.
head turner
03-19-2008, 02:43 PM
bradc, i see you are new.
I guess im a little skeptical by nature but do you know Georgia?
PhillyDancer1982
03-19-2008, 03:01 PM
my first thought was that he cheated, and feels guilty enough to break up rather then hurt you like that. Halfway through your post I thought that, and when gypsy said it, I was like... bingo!
I'm sorry, I hope you can figure it out, and fix things, or at least get some closure.
Yeah I was thinking the exact same thing. :-\ But either way, what an asinine douchebag move on that dude's part...he coulda at least drove the extra half hour. I hate guys like that.
PhillyDancer1982
03-19-2008, 03:10 PM
Yeah BradC, YOU SUCK. I disagree with pretty much everything you said. ESPECIALLY the part about it being "lame bullshit" when a girl says that she's "wasted a year" dating a guy that turns out to be an idiot or dumps her. I've been down that road before where I felt like I wasted a good year. You claim that if I hadn't spent all of 2002 dating the loser guy I dated, that I would have lived my life the same way...WRONG! I wanted to play the field and catch up with my friends that summer...but instead, I LOST all of my friends(PERMANENTLY even!) because of the loser I dated. I was stuck in a monogamous, mentally abusive relationship that I did not enjoy. This guy wasted my time, ruined my friendships(he did some lousy stuff), and to be honest, part of the reason why I actually stayed with such a drain was because he owed me money that he'd stolen and I was hoping to get it back(I knew that if I dumped him, I would NEVER see my money again). In the end, he still did NOT pay what was owed and then he dumped ME, leaving me without money OR dignity. Yes, there were plenty of much better things I could have done in that year. Here's an example: save one of my best friends from getting into heroin. He spent a good solid year in rehab for getting involved with that shit, and it all coulda been prevented if I'd been there to lend support, instead of pretending he didn't exist just because I knew that my psycho possessive boyfriend would get insanely jealous.
I think you are Georgia's now-ex boyfriend. >:(
BrodieLux
03-19-2008, 03:16 PM
That sucks, what a shitty feeling, to have someone who you felt so close to suddenly do a 180 like that out of nowhere. I just went through something similar. I find that there's never a satisfying answer to the "Why?" question. With matters of love, it's either there or it isn't, and when it isn't, sometimes there's no good reason. Just do your best to let yourself feel shitty for a bit and then figure it's for the best and try to move on. After all, this just means you're a step closer to Mr. Right.
Anyway, he's an idiot, breaking up with you over the phone. No class, and fuck that, you don't need that shit. You rock.
RoseLeigh
03-19-2008, 03:48 PM
bradc, i see you are new.
I guess im a little skeptical by nature but do you know Georgia?
I was sort of thinking that, too. Justify much?
AznExtasy
03-19-2008, 06:01 PM
I was sort of thinking that, too. Justify much?
He might not know her. But as an all-knowing man, he must make his loud, powerful manly voice heard to help forget the fact that his dick never fully developed. And he probably thinks we need to go back to the kitchen.
blayze
03-19-2008, 07:22 PM
hey, i LIKE the kitchen!!
if not because thats where the food is... but also because its where many household cleaners are kept.. 'twould be a pity to "accidently" mix some into a man's dinner...
thechaosfairy
03-19-2008, 10:40 PM
BradC: some of the stuff you said was just harsh, not over-the-top wrong, but what really soured me on your post was using quotation marks for the word cheating because they weren't married.
As if it's perfectly OK to sleep around against the will of one's girlfriend. Not married after all...
Such a class act. ::)
greenidlady1
03-19-2008, 10:43 PM
my boyfriend broke up with me today. over the phone.
we've been together for a year. a happy year. we've argued twice. he's always been sweet to me. i've been sweet to him. supportive and patient as he finished school and started his career.
he made me the most lovely card for vaentine's day. last sunday we had dinner and frozen yogurt and i scratched his back like i always do.
our phone conversations during the week were good. i'm very sensitive to peopls moods and i sensed nothing at all out of the ordinary.
then yesterday he ignored my calls until late last night. and today, "i think we should break up."
why? because he just moved and he says it's too far and he's tired of me dancing. both pathetic excuses because 1. we had already discussed my plans to stop dancing in the next few months and 2. we had already discussed plans for me to move closer to him.
and the whole time on the phone he is talking to me in this cold and apathetic tone, which i have never in a year heard before. not the smallest hint of remorse or sadness on his part.
what the fuck? it's like he was posessed by a pod person. i can't get my head around it.
i don't want to get back together with him...i just want to know what happened.
i put this in the lounge because i'd love a male perspective or two also. thanks...
*sigh*
I think he got or had someone else...
Bella21
03-20-2008, 12:37 AM
"captain save a hoe (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=H-O-E)"
Hooray for you... you're a sexist jackass. Is there an official definition of troll around here? How exactly do you tell the difference between "jerk" and "troll"? What about joining a forum called "Stripperweb" and calling girls "hoes"? I have no problem with "truthful" (as truthful as your "opinion" can be) but I do have a problem with someone being "tactless".
Anyways, a guy doesn't come out of the blue after an entire year with issues about your job unless he's been lying to you all along about being cool with it (hence, "wasting a year"... get it?). It's actually quite possible to waste time that wouldn't have been spent finding a cure for cancer, duh. It's also commonly known as keeping-someone-in-the-dark-about-how-you-really-feel-about-something-and-keeping-her-from-finding-someone-worth-her-time.
BradC
03-20-2008, 06:51 AM
The WAY he broke it off is the reason she is feeling that way (Duh). Had he acted like a standup adult and broke up with her in a more sensitive way she wouldn't be having this reaction. You're probably one of those guys that think women are all emotional, screamy harpies, right?
So when boys cheat it's because they are horny and want to fuck, but when women cheat it's because of "love" and "feelings"? And cheating isn't real if you aren't married?
You're a case study.
i don't think that ALL of any gender is anything. i do, however, know that men and women (not always obviously) generally have two different reasons to cheat. i bet you know that just like i know that, too.
as far as the cheating thing goes: i personally believe that dating is a way to find whomever you're looking to settle down with, assuming that you're looking to settle down at some point. i don't think that it's wrong to date multiple people, if that's what you want to do, and i wouldn't really consider it cheating unless there is some sort of commitment involved, which there doesn't seem to be in this case.
bradc, i see you are new.
I guess im a little skeptical by nature but do you know Georgia?
of course not, and i'm sure that you're now going to say, "then shut up because you don't know her"... there, i said it for you.
Yeah BradC, YOU SUCK. I disagree with pretty much everything you said. ESPECIALLY the part about it being "lame bullshit" when a girl says that she's "wasted a year" dating a guy that turns out to be an idiot or dumps her. I've been down that road before where I felt like I wasted a good year. You claim that if I hadn't spent all of 2002 dating the loser guy I dated, that I would have lived my life the same way...WRONG! I wanted to play the field and catch up with my friends that summer...but instead, I LOST all of my friends(PERMANENTLY even!) because of the loser I dated. I was stuck in a monogamous, mentally abusive relationship that I did not enjoy. This guy wasted my time, ruined my friendships(he did some lousy stuff), and to be honest, part of the reason why I actually stayed with such a drain was because he owed me money that he'd stolen and I was hoping to get it back(I knew that if I dumped him, I would NEVER see my money again). In the end, he still did NOT pay what was owed and then he dumped ME, leaving me without money OR dignity. Yes, there were plenty of much better things I could have done in that year. Here's an example: save one of my best friends from getting into heroin. He spent a good solid year in rehab for getting involved with that shit, and it all coulda been prevented if I'd been there to lend support, instead of pretending he didn't exist just because I knew that my psycho possessive boyfriend would get insanely jealous.
I think you are Georgia's now-ex boyfriend.
first off, i'm not her ex-bf. i have no clue who she is. second, if that relationship was so bad, why did you stick it out for a year? i guess that my point is that you're responsible for yourself and your own life, just like he is responsible for his. in my opinion, as long as you're not a prisoner of war or locked in someone's basement, then the only person that wasted a year of your life is you. i'm sorry that it sounds so harsh, but that's my opinion. (now someone can pop off with the "opinions are like assholes" comment. ) i just feel that a person should be accountable to and for themselves.
BradC
03-20-2008, 06:52 AM
He might not know her. But as an all-knowing man, he must make his loud, powerful manly voice heard to help forget the fact that his dick never fully developed. And he probably thinks we need to go back to the kitchen.
i'm not an "all knowing man". lol ..and you're right, my dick didn't fully develop. that's a damn good one. i just posted my opinion based on my experience. i could've just posted up a big lovey dovey post and blow smoke like everyone wants to hear, but what would be the point in that? sometimes people need to hear what they don't want to hear.
BradC: some of the stuff you said was just harsh, not over-the-top wrong, but what really soured me on your post was using quotation marks for the word cheating because they weren't married.
As if it's perfectly OK to sleep around against the will of one's girlfriend. Not married after all...
Such a class act.
i'm not saying that i'm ok with it, i'm just saying that it's hard to say that someone "cheated" when there seems to be no commitment on either part, from what i saw. i guess that i could see it more if they lived together at least.
Hooray for you... you're a sexist jackass. Is there an official definition of troll around here? How exactly do you tell the difference between "jerk" and "troll"? What about joining a forum called "Stripperweb" and calling girls "hoes"? I have no problem with "truthful" (as truthful as your "opinion" can be) but I do have a problem with someone being "tactless".
Anyways, a guy doesn't come out of the blue after an entire year with issues about your job unless he's been lying to you all along about being cool with it (hence, "wasting a year"... get it?). It's actually quite possible to waste time that wouldn't have been spent finding a cure for cancer, duh. It's also commonly known as keeping-someone-in-the-dark-about-how-you-really-feel-about-something-and-keeping-her-from-finding-someone-worth-her-time.
i guess that you could call me a "troll" because i don't have a million posts and i just signed up a week or two ago, but i think that "newbie" would be better fitting. also, the term "save a hoe" is just a term that people understand means that you're just out to say whatever the other wants to hear, etc. you would be suprised if you met me; the term "hoe" is never used by me when talking about or to a woman. in fact, it's very rare for me to even say a curse word in front of a woman. i may sound "sexist" by saying that, but i'm very old fashioned when it comes to that kind of stuff. i will, however, give you my opinion if it's asked for (you obviously didn't ask for mine specifically, i know), and i tend to come out and say what i feel as opposed to what people want to hear. that's probably one of my many faults. but, otherwise i don't think that i'm "sexist"...i don't think that women belong in the kitchen or shouldn't work, or any of that other nonsense.
as far as the time wasting thing: like i said above, i'm not a big fan of the "victim mentality", and i feel that you should be accountable to yourself for your well-being just like you should be held accountable to others for your actions.
also, you said that he wasn't honest with you about having a problem with your career choice, above, but in your first post you said that he mentioned to you that he didn't like it and that you told him that you were planning on quitting. (i'm sorry, i don't remember the exact words.) from my experience, when someone mentions something like that, they're looking for you to give a definite answer on when you plan on quitting, and if they don't get that answer, they see it as being "put off". again, i don't know your specific situation, but that has been my experience. (as limited as that may be)
whew, that was a bunch of typing.
Optimist
03-20-2008, 07:26 AM
i don't think that ALL of any gender is anything. i do, however, know that men and women (not always obviously) generally have two different reasons to cheat. i bet you know that just like i know that, too.
i'm not an "all knowing man". lol ..and you're right, my dick didn't fully develop. that's a damn good one. i just posted my opinion based on my experience. sometimes people need to hear what they don't want to hear.
Brad, take a look at your contradictions and ramblings. Perhaps then you'll see the nonsensical contradictory reality of what you've written thus far.
first off, i'm not her ex-bf. i have no clue who she is. second, if that relationship was so bad, why did you stick it out for a year? .....then the only person that wasted a year of your life is you. i'm sorry that it sounds so harsh, but that's my opinion.
i just feel that a person should be accountable to and for themselves.
as far as the time wasting thing: like i said above, i'm not a big fan of the "victim mentality", and i feel that you should be accountable to yourself for your well-being just like you should be held accountable to others for your actions.
Which is it Brad? Is he only accountable to himself or should he be accountable to her too?
i don't think that it's wrong to date multiple people, if that's what you want to do, and i wouldn't really consider it cheating unless there is some sort of commitment involved, which there doesn't seem to be in this case.
She's established that pretty clearly to every woman and man here except you.
....also, the term "save a hoe" is just a term that people understand means that you're just out to say whatever the other wants to hear, etc. you would be suprised if you met me; the term "hoe" is never used by me when talking about or to a woman. in fact, it's very rare for me to even say a curse word in front of a woman.
That's not the meaning of that expression. Also, perhaps you're not aware this is a female dominated site not a male strip site.
jasmine
03-20-2008, 07:40 AM
BradC: So what your saying is it's OK to cheat, because it's not really cheating, if you don't live close to your SO or aren't married? Is lying also ok if you aren't under oath, or probably aren't gonna get caught?
Seriously, don't be such an ass.
Sorry, but today I'm just in a mood to "say what i feel as opposed to what people want to hear."
thechaosfairy
03-20-2008, 07:50 AM
"Boyfriend" implies commitment. Especially a boyfriend of over a year.
FYI, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool polyamorist, I'm in an open marriage with two other partners, and <i>I</i> can tell you that sleeping around without the SO's knowledge or approval = cheating. Cheating, and a good way to spread STDs.
Just say no to dumb. :P
BradC
03-20-2008, 08:00 AM
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Brad, take a look at your contradictions and ramblings. Perhaps then you'll see the nonsensical contradictory reality of what you've written thus far.
[COLOR=black]Which is it Brad? Is he only accountable to himself or should he be accountable to her too?
[color=black]
She's established that pretty clearly to every woman and man here except you.
That's not the meaning of that expression. Also, perhaps you're not aware this is a female dominated site not a male strip site.
i think that a person should be accountable to others for actions that could potentially cause harm to others, but i don't believe that someone is responsible for someone else's life. i think that you should be responsible for your own life and the choices that you make. i'm just not a big fan of the victim mentality. it's too easy to blame someone else for all of your problems, but nobody wants to take a look at themselves for the reason because that would be admitting fault. in my opinion, if you are going to blame others for wasted time, then dating probably isn't for you. the fact of the matter is that people are finicky, and if someone feels like the relationship is not for them, then they have the right to end it.
yes, i know that this is a female dominated site, and i also put the expression in quotations in the hopes that nobody would think that i'm calling them that. if anyone thinks that, i sincerely apologize, as that wasn't my intention.
BradC
03-20-2008, 08:09 AM
BradC: So what your saying is it's OK to cheat, because it's not really cheating, if you don't live close to your SO or aren't married? Is lying also ok if you aren't under oath, or probably aren't gonna get caught?
Seriously, don't be such an ass.
Sorry, but today I'm just in a mood to "say what i feel as opposed to what people want to hear."
i don't want to type all day, but i'm just saying that i can't bring myself to cast stones at some guy or girl if they are dating multiple people. personally, i don't think that it's "ok" if i'm in a commited relationship (notice i'm talking about myself), but some people have differing opinions on when it's really cheating. at what point would you consider yourself in a commited relationship? i bet that you would be suprised to find out that your significant other probably has a different definition than yourself.:)
"Boyfriend" implies commitment. Especially a boyfriend of over a year.
FYI, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool polyamorist, I'm in an open marriage with two other partners, and <i>I</i> can tell you that sleeping around without the SO's knowledge or approval = cheating. Cheating, and a good way to spread STDs.
Just say no to dumb. :P
like i said above, i think that people would be pretty suprised if they asked their significant other at what point they felt like they were in a commited relationship. she may feel like they had reached that point, but he may not.
as far as the open marriage goes, i'm not a big fan of that for me, but i'm all for someone else being able to do it. i guess that i'm too old fashioned and boring to be able to do something like that. it just seems like a disaster waiting to happen, but i'm glad to see that you two can make it work.:)
jasmine
03-20-2008, 08:20 AM
Hahahahaha. I'm married sweetie. And if the hubby ever decides to cheat he'll be missing a couple of important parts of his anatomy. As to the not knowing when the relationship is considered exclusive - I always talked about these things, because I was the one that didn't want to be tied down. I'm sure most girls on this site are intelligent to have that conversation, so some douche can't use that excuse.
Also, if your a cheater (not speaking to anyone in particular) have the balls to admit it. Don't hide behind a "different view of the relationship" piece of bullshit.
snoopy
03-20-2008, 08:29 AM
I don't know about the cheating theory. Maybe, but usually when people cheat they want to have their cake and eat it too (i.e., they want to keep their regular person, and hide the cheating, at least for a period of time).
One possibility is that he never has felt comfortable with you dancing, that it has been an on-going source of jealousy for him, that he doesn't trust you dancing and being so far away (which is what he said), and so in effect, he has gone out of his way to hurt you and/or protect himself, by cutting you off sharply. Basically, maybe he expects you to cheat and so he has cut you out of his life before it happens.
Another possibility is that he simply lied to you all along to get booty, and now that he is far away and won't be getting any, has no interest in keeping up the lie.i agree with damage on the 2nd and 3rd points. definitely, uncomfortable and harsh personality. i've been friends with guys capable of this degree of...merciless(?), cavalier attitude and they can somehow just "turn it off" when just days (or minutes!) before were all lovey-dovey.
don't get me wrong, i've seen this in women too. i don't think it's a gender thing, just personality. people like this can still be good friends (if you're the same sex) but terrible lovers/mates (no way i'd let friends or family date them).
but i disagree with the cheating thing. i definitely think the guy has something lined up on the side. just something in how you described his coldness and attitude even with a year-long relationship there (the v-day card is really messed up, nice mind-fuck. sheesh.).
good luck, there are penty of other fish in the sea. this one was rotting on the inside, it wouldn't have been pretty once he opened up. like the others say, it saved you a LOT more grief down the road!
jasmine
03-20-2008, 08:35 AM
but i disagree with the cheating thing. i definitely think the guy has something lined up on the side. just something in how you described his coldness and attitude even with a year-long relationship there (the v-day card is really messed up, nice mind-fuck. sheesh.).
Ita, I've dumped guys with pretty much the same "I just don't like you anymore" attitude, but they all had to see it coming. There is no excuse for telling someone you love them one day and buying them presents and such and then just dumping them for no real reason the next. It takes a real ass to act like they are in love up until the moment they end things.
threlayer
03-20-2008, 11:43 AM
I'm sorry this happened the way it turned out. I hope you have gotten some ideas here that will help you move on. I got into this late and have read most of these ideas (except the Bradc hijack ones), and I think you found good support here. Something like this happened to me (at least once), and I know that support is important. I also know it hurts even more when things happen by surprise.
Only thing else I can think to say is that a valued relationship is obtained by using your experience to weed out the ones that don't work out. I hope you do figure out what happened, but don't dwell on it if you are not satisfied with your understanding. When you are ready, I hope you find a more mature person who knows what he wants and talks to you honestly, always.
head turner
03-20-2008, 11:52 AM
brad, you seem way too comitted to proving a point about a girl you don't know?
Guess what, you aren't proving anything but how much of an idiot your gender can be. :D
jessica_rabbit
03-21-2008, 03:29 AM
I consider my time wasted when someone lies to me about their intentions. And my definition of lying includes misrepresenting yourself, which this guy clearly did if he wasn't happy in the relationship. After all, he didn't wake up one day and feel like breaking up out of the blue. This was something he had been considering and hiding from her. So yeah, I would consider it a BIG waste of time to pour love, energy, and hopeful expectations onto someone who didn't feel the same way but pretended otherwise.
I'm not saying this is the case for Georgia, but I am hoping to get married and start a family and spend the rest of my life with someone. I wouldn't date someone for a year if I didn't see a future together. Now, I can understand that sometimes things don't work out. That's not reason enough to feel bitter. But as a woman with a biological clock, my time is valuable. And if someone knowingly wastes that time and leads me on and lets me believe we have something that we don't, than I respectfully reserve the right to be pissed as hell!
So take note, this is not a victim mentality at all. It's justified anger at wrongdoing by another. When a man lies, evades, hides or otherwise misleads a woman, we call that man a WASTE OF TIME.
stellaforstars
03-21-2008, 06:11 AM
Ugh, oh my God, BradC. You must really think we're all completely stupid. Of course there's nothing wrong with dating several people, if all parties are aware.
Do you really think we don't make sure those lines are defined after a certain point in our relationship? That we would simply blissfully believe that our men are inclined to worship us and not look at a single other woman? Of course not, honey. We're smarter than that. Some of us enjoy pursuing open relationships and we make that completely clear. Others are not okay with any such thing and, Brad, I guarantee they make that clear as well.
So you're either still advocating cheating, which is despicable as fuck, or you think we females are dense, and completely unaware of the situations and the people around us. Which is it? Are you an ass or are we stupid?
Zinaida
03-21-2008, 07:38 AM
Can we tell him ^^ to go away?
Lysondra
03-21-2008, 07:49 AM
Maybe if we all report posts at the same time, mods'll go.. yeah, nobody likes you, eff off?
Zinaida
03-21-2008, 08:03 AM
On the count of three!
Oh shit. No one can hear me.
blayze
03-21-2008, 08:17 AM
uh... playing devil's advocate here...
bradC doesnt seem to be TRYING to be pissing everyone off, in fact it seems like (to me, at least) that he's over explaining himself in an effort NOT to piss everyone off... i'm not saying that i agree with what he is saying, but i do see his points, and yes some of them are valid.
i'm just reminded of ms Darcy's thread about being nice to newbs...
*backs away carefully*
Optimist
03-21-2008, 09:24 AM
His points contradict themselves and he doesn't actually listen to anyone else's arguement. It's like talking to Sophiemarie, she'd keep ramming her agenda regardless. Check out his contributions in Crow2's the Southern Gentleman thread in CC. Same behavior and circular logic whether men or women try to explain the fairly obvious.
blayze
03-21-2008, 09:35 AM
o i'm not saying that he isn't contradicting himself...
but the point that no one can wastes your time unless you CHOSE to let them is somewhat valid. AS IS the point that several others have made that the exbf did indeed "Waste" her time because of false pretenses...
and i can say this because she CHOSE to spend that time with him, albeit under false pretenses, which made it a waste. it would be interesting to see if she still considered it a waste if they had broken up under different circumstances?
however i think that the only thing that she can do now, other than a wicked awesome revenge scheme, would be to grow from the experience and take a closer look at people's characters before getting too heavily involved with them. (not that she didnt in this situation, but i think after such an experience that it just makes one more leary of getting involved, thus you look more closely...)
Optimist
03-21-2008, 12:12 PM
That's so golden! I recently had a breakup like that and that is the only thing that keeps it from being a bit of a waste--the wisdom I've gained! It was good to love and stretch my emotional boundaries. It was ALSO good to have saved myself from being horribly used. Hopefully that's what she'll take from his and all our posts. I was concerned that she know we understand. She's not being delusional. She got a raw deal and is right to feel screwed. But, happily, the feeling can be transformed by noticing what in his personality was dishonest and what in her personality did not recognize it. So next time she can nip the problem relationship in the bud.
georgiapeach
03-22-2008, 10:54 AM
if that relationship was so bad, why did you stick it out for a year?
learn to read
mizzou
03-22-2008, 10:35 PM
hey just want to say after reading the post on this dicussion forum, i feel bad for what happen to georgiapeach and to other girls that had to go through these type of relationship. it makes me sad that there are people arent there to hurt us and not just be honest with you and doesnt understand what they are doing to us. from these experience it will make us all a stronger person then what we are now.
thechaosfairy
03-23-2008, 08:54 AM
I'm in an open marriage with two other partners
i'm glad to see that you two can make it work.
I also offer reading comprehension tutoring at very reasonable rates. ;D
ViolaStrings
03-23-2008, 11:58 AM
If you look up "unwelcome" in the dictionary, it says "see also: BradC". Then when you look up "BradC" it says "noun; a sexist, unnecessarily cruel, hypocritical asswad who joins a stripper site to verbally abuse women for free because he can't afford to go to a strip club and abuse them."
hustlebunny
03-23-2008, 06:30 PM
I went thru and out of the blue break up after a year and a half with no arguements a few months ago...tis still a mystery...was it my dancing was it his going to Iraq. GeorgiaPeach, i hope you realize that he doesn't deserve to have you. He obviously doesn't know how to communicate thoughts and feelings like an adult human. It drove me crazy not to know the real reason for a while but ultimately I now know to look for someone who can form language around what he thinks and FEELS! He sucks and you don't!
threlayer
03-23-2008, 10:48 PM
If you look up "unwelcome" in the dictionary, it says "see also: BradC". Then when you look up "BradC" it says "noun; a sexist, unnecessarily cruel, hypocritical asswad who joins a stripper site to verbally abuse women for free because he can't afford to go to a strip club and abuse them."
I'll be durned....! That's exactly what mine says too, and it was copyrighted in 1987. Smart writers, I guess.
PhillyDancer1982
03-24-2008, 07:49 AM
I went thru and out of the blue break up after a year and a half with no arguements a few months ago...tis still a mystery...was it my dancing was it his going to Iraq. GeorgiaPeach, i hope you realize that he doesn't deserve to have you. He obviously doesn't know how to communicate thoughts and feelings like an adult human. It drove me crazy not to know the real reason for a while but ultimately I now know to look for someone who can form language around what he thinks and FEELS! He sucks and you don't!
Yeah I went through something similar to that too...only I didn't date him as long as a year and a half(I only dated him for a few months), and he didn't directly break up with me. No he wasn't "decent" enough to do even that. Instead, he made plans with me, called me prior to leaving to notify me that he was heading up to my house, then stood me up. >:(
I retaliated in many immature ways, such as my girl friends and I vandalizing walls of his favorite local hangouts with "Eric is a whore", and then later sleeping with his near-engaged friend. I think I actually wrote a thread about this a while back titled "Eric Holden is a whorey whore whore" haha.
Nothing wrong with a little revenge. Revenge is a dish best served cold! The OP should sleep with this guy's brother to spite him, that'd be funny.