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DeeJayOz
03-27-2009, 08:54 AM
So you don't know jack shit?
Know your Schitt (http://jack.zunino.net/knowjack.htm)

DeeJayOz
03-27-2009, 09:01 AM
I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors],and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever
told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest them.
- a New York City detective

Sign seen in Las Vegas fortune tellers window:

"OUT OF BUSINESS"

Of all people...
THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!

true story. I wish i had a camera on me at the time to prove it.

Crow2
03-29-2009, 09:07 PM
What is the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G spot? A man will spend at least twenty minutes looking for his golf ball.

zeke
03-31-2009, 06:23 PM
what do u call a polish prostitute ?

a "ski" jump.

verfolgung
04-11-2009, 08:44 AM
Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?

He doesn't want the other bunnies to know tht he was fooling around with the chickens.

Har har har ... Happy Easter Everyone!

glambman
04-13-2009, 07:13 AM
Two atoms are walking down the street and bump into each other. One loses an electron.

The first one asks "Are you all right?"

The second one says "Yeah, I'm fine".

The first one says "Are you sure?"

The second one says "I'm positive."

verfolgung
04-13-2009, 08:10 AM
^^^ Reminds me of this little poem...


Here's to poor old Jonny,
For Jonny is no more,
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4!


:glasses:

MissAlethea
04-14-2009, 10:09 AM
If we're doing nerdy science jokes....

If you're not part of the solution, you're a precipitate.

What do you get when you put 1/cabin?
A natural log cabin!
No, it's not- it's a houseboat.
You forgot to subtract the c! (sea)

glambman
04-14-2009, 10:12 AM
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a spectacular gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. As if his prayers were answered, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was this most beautiful woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"It's Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"

ViolaStrings
04-14-2009, 03:58 PM
^ have I ever met you? I tell that joke all the time!

glambman
04-14-2009, 06:20 PM
hmmmm, I don't think so. I didn't hear it from a dancer. :(

naughty_princess
04-24-2009, 12:18 AM
^ lol i dont get it who's Tonto Goldstein?

LuckyOne
04-24-2009, 10:28 AM
^A native american jew. I have a new one. Its my impression of a blond eating a banana, but you can't show jokes over the internet. Too bad! Sorry guys!!!

glambman
04-24-2009, 02:33 PM
^ lol i dont get it who's Tonto Goldstein?

Tonto is Native American (Indian)

Goldstein is Jewish

Bubba is Southern Redneck