View Full Version : My mother gouges me for money.
Lola Rose
03-30-2008, 09:09 PM
I'm sorry, this totally sucks. It is a lose/lose situation. :hug:
Sunshine73
03-30-2008, 09:49 PM
Well for some reason she is unable/too lazy to work, she is hurting for money, so she's trying to take advantage of you because she is so desperate. Which is fucked up.
It would be different if she was on disability, gravely ill, and she asked you nicely if she could borrow money to help her out with bills. But that is not what is happening here.
If anyone here is pulling the bitch card, it's her. And you are right-it's not about the money. It's about the way she is treating you.
I'd cut her off. This is just going to continue...
ViolaStrings
03-30-2008, 10:34 PM
It would be different if she was on disability, gravely ill, and she asked you nicely if she could borrow money to help her out with bills. But that is not what is happening here.
She is on disability. She did have an accident and hurt her back, but she's had two surgeries and should be fine. It was years ago. Now she is just hooked on her pain pills and is too lazy to work - take my word on this. She is taking so many pill it's ridiculous. She's just not THERE. She'll act like she hurts too much to do any housework or work, then she'll literally run out the door to go to lunch with a friend and shop all day.
If she has enough energy to write these emails, she could work from home somehow.
Sunshine73
03-30-2008, 11:01 PM
She is taking so many pill it's ridiculous. She's just not THERE.
How long has she been on her meds? Do you think that maybe this could be the cause of her forgetting your conversations...or this may be clouding her memory of you paying her back?
At any rate...she sounds jealous and bitter and is trying to put you on a guilt trip to get what she wants. Disabled or not, she is being disrespectful towards you. I'm sorry, but I could never talk to my child the way she did to you. What is your father doing while this is going on? Isn't he supporting her?
She sounds very spoiled.
thechaosfairy
03-30-2008, 11:15 PM
I think I still talk to her because there is still a gaping hole in my heart where loving parents should be. I have cut off my father all together and have not spoken to him in over a year, and even that hurts. He is hopelessly abusive and will never learn from his mistakes. He'll hurt you when he's drunk, say sorry the next day, and do it again (or something worse) soon after.
I would watch movies with orphans as a child and I could relate to the loving family coming and saying them from the orphanage. My childhood was basically Matilda with no Miss Honey.
It still hurts so badly. I think I don't cut off my mother because she is so pathetic.
I'm sorry to say it, but sometimes ... you have to recognize that those people can't fill that hole.
They're no more capable of it than concrete is capable of growing flowers.
And it's hard not to blame the concrete when you keep going back and digging, and when you don't know where else to plant those seeds. Because you really want those flowers to grow.
You're not a bad person because you haven't made them grow yet.
But in order to find the right place to plant them, you'll need to move on.
*hugs*
thechaosfairy
03-30-2008, 11:18 PM
Oh, and if anyone's a pimp, it's her.
Regarding the money, I don't even know if she'd take you to small claims court. Sometimes people like that are all sound and fury with nothing to back it up, ESPECIALLY when they don't want to air the "family dirty laundry." So if I were you I'd just stop answering, block her on email and phone, if she writes a letter send one back saying you're cutting off contact and will not respond to being stalked and extorted, etc.
boxingdoc
03-31-2008, 03:25 AM
Oh, and if anyone's a pimp, it's her.
Regarding the money, I don't even know if she'd take you to small claims court. Sometimes people like that are all sound and fury with nothing to back it up, ESPECIALLY when they don't want to air the "family dirty laundry." So if I were you I'd just stop answering, block her on email and phone, if she writes a letter send one back saying you're cutting off contact and will not respond to being stalked and extorted, etc.
I second your opinion on not following through. She's an addict. Lots of sound and fury there. I get it every day...."if you don't give me a prescription for 100 tablets of dilaudid because I lost my regular prescription yesterday, I'm going to report you to the state medical board and sue you." Right buddy, see you in court. ::)
I would just quit responding, no letters or emails or phone calls explaining. It's like poking her with a stick and egging her on. She'll just take it as a sign that you are still engaged in the relationship and are willing to take more of her crap.
Bridgette
03-31-2008, 04:08 AM
Oy. My mother used to badger me for money, as if I somehow owed her. She was very similar to how your mother sounds. Not mentally / emotionally stable, always feeling sorry for herself, always playing the victim, and always trying to use any and everyone for anything she could get out of them, including her daughter, and she has managed to alienate everyone in her life.
My father was not abusive but he allowed my stepmother to be VERY abusive for years. I cut them all off years ago and feel SO much better for it.
It is not an easy thing to do, but you are NOT a bad person for doing it. You do not deserve to be treated like that, you should not allow people to treat you like that, and people who treat you like that don't deserve anything from you. IMO, cutting off ties with people who treat you that poorly is much much MUCH more admirable than trying to maintain some fakeass relationship that is unhealthy and hurtful for you.
I totally agree with the others who say she makes it obvious in her email she's just trying to get whatever money she can out of you. I would save that shit, print it out and make copies. Then mail her a money order for $200 (along with a copy of her email with the part where she admits you gave her $400 highlighted) and keep a copy of that with the emails.
I'd then tell her I've got copies of all this, that you consider the case CLOSED, and that if she tries to sue you will bring all these docs so she will lose her case and wind up paying court costs for nothing.
And then I'd tell her in no uncertain terms to FUCK OFF. Don't respond to her at all anymore. Don't answer or return anything she mails to you. Block her phone number and email, change your phone number if you have to. It's not hard to text your friends your new number. Avoid all contact. They'll eventually leave you alone and you can begin the journey of making a happy life for yourself without all that bullshit to drag you down.
It pisses me off to see people treat their kids so shittily. They don't deserve the sweat off your ass.
ViolaStrings
03-31-2008, 10:49 AM
Jeez, here's the latest email.
You are the one that has focused everything around money. Your comment that you are not a Cash Cow. You have never given me money and I have never asked you for money. Maybe you feel like a Cash Cow to someone else. When I tried to make plans with you to go see (my sister and niece) you automatically assumed that I wanted you to pay for my ticket. I was just trying to spend time with my daughter. How sad to think that is all that someone wants from you.
But after all this I do expect you to pay me back. I think that it is only right. It will take the strain off our relationship. It has hurt me that you think so little of me that you can take advantage of me. After all I am not your cash cow. You turned the fact that I want you to pay me back and that I need to work at home. I helped you out when you needed it and I know that you have the ability to pay me back.
It really has bothered me that you never thought enough of me to return the funds to me. You begged me that day for that money. I thought enough of you that I realized you needed the help. I really did not have the resources to help you but I went without to help you. It would be different if I had said don't pay me back. But I told you at the time that it would be hard for me to do. You promised and promised to pay me back. Now let us see if you are a woman of your words.
So, print out her emails, highlight the essential parts, send her a money order, and tell her in civilized words to fuck off.
She's fucking crazy and all she cares about is money. Why, years later is she asking me for this supposed debt?!
Thanks everyone for your great advice and your support.
ViolaStrings
03-31-2008, 10:53 AM
^ you know, what. No, on second thought. I'm not paying her back. She's been paid back and she knows it. I can't even stand to be in contact with the woman.
...or is this a bad idea?
Glamazon
03-31-2008, 11:32 AM
I'm so sorry that you're going thru this!! Those emails sound like they were written by my mother [whom I no longer speak to].
:hug:
VenusGoddess
03-31-2008, 11:37 AM
Uhhhh, NEVER pay a debt off by CASH. A bank withdrawal slip is proof of nothing except a transaction in your own bank account.
Two words here: TOUGH LOVE
Two more... CUT'R OFF
Duh...sorry...I meant to say always pay by Check!! Sowwy!! If you pay by Check, you can use the bank statement to prove it (if you don't get canceled checks back).
Yipes...
Lola Rose
03-31-2008, 11:48 AM
you said you paid her back already. So email her one last time, that you paid her back, and ask her nicely to stop harassing you or you'll call the cops. tell her you don't take kindly to her threatening to send your abusive father after you. say if she emails you again you'll file a restraining order against her.
that's what i would do. paying her now is only an admission of guilt and a confermation that she can use you.
red red red
03-31-2008, 02:39 PM
Yuck, even reading about this whole situation is so shitty and heartbreaking that I don't know whether to be angry or sad... so I can't even imagine how you feel.
Do you see a therapist? If not, therapy is something concrete you can do for yourself so that you have some extra support in dealing with this. It's sort of a slow road, depending on who you see, but it never hurts to have some professional reinforcement that your happiness matters and that you are not wrong, crazy, or a bad person to put it first in your life. It also sort of helps compartmentalize the hurt and rage and put it back into perspective with the rest of your life. A therapist also stands in as an example of a positive, nurturing adult ... unlike your parents, he/she can be counted on to not only have your best interest in mind, but offer some consistency as far as things like showing up on time and doing what he/she says they're going to do.
My therapist has been completely necessary for me in working out some of my family crap. If you don't see one already or haven't thought of this, I'm a big advocate.
Flick6
03-31-2008, 03:38 PM
I think not paying her back (since you already have TWICE?) is fine. And I think not speaking to her is a great idea too. Best of luck xxx
Yekhefah
03-31-2008, 03:52 PM
Oh, Lord. You don't owe her anything. If you give her another penny (or have any further contact with her), then it's YOUR fault, not hers. No one can take advantage of you without your permission.
I can't understand why people treat their own children that way. I just can't relate to it. What does this to people?
alessandra
03-31-2008, 04:26 PM
I pretty much agree with everything LolaRose said above: send her one last email asking her to stop harassing and threatening you, and definitely don't send her any more money as that validates what she is saying to be true, and more then likely will encourage her to ask for other money that you "owe" her.
Also, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I know I became really frustrated at your mom just by reading this thread!
:grouphug: we're all here for you, one big stripperweb family!
madmaxine
07-03-2008, 01:16 AM
*Bump*
Ugh. I can relate. I can't really go into it. But yeah, "water sinks to its own level"...Sorry to hear about all this. (((HUGS)))
Lysondra
07-03-2008, 01:16 AM
^ that quote makes no sense on a literal level. o_o
madmaxine
07-03-2008, 01:26 AM
It means a person's lack of substance is intrinsic....I guess it doesn't make sense literally, but it's more classy than saying someone is "weaker than piss."
Back on topic, yeah, more often than not, family will fuck you up. I actually look amazed when I see loving supportive families. Everyone wonders why I look astonished when I *don't* see arguements break out at family gatherings or hear shit talk when someone's back is turned.
ViolaStrings
07-03-2008, 01:31 AM
Update on this thread, since it's been bumped...
I no longer speak to either of my parents, and I am much happier because of it. They have made no effort to contact me. It feels like a romantic break up where you are both happy to be rid of each other.
I still speak to my siblings, but even that is strained because none of us know how to love each other and we are in three different parts of the country. I do have my boyfriend and "our son" (the dog LOL) and we are certainly inseparable and a very happy family.
madmaxine
07-03-2008, 01:40 AM
I no longer speak to either of my parents, and I am much happier because of it. They have made no effort to contact me. It feels like a romantic break up where you are both happy to be rid of each other.
:( You know what's sad, I feel bad about half of my kin, but I have a friend whose family drama makes my family issues look like a cakewalk- her brother calls her up sometimes to threaten to kill her (paranoid schizo-alkie-bum) and she fought over estate issues with her family when they really didn't need to be nasty about things- they just felt like it. She cared for her mother-in-law when no one else wanted to, yet they all showed up when MIL died and the estate was being parceled out ::) .....I've known her for years so I know she's not exaggerating this crap. & She's one of the nicest people I know, go figure. Life is just unfair.