View Full Version : your boyfriend's porn
Flick6
04-10-2008, 03:09 PM
Hehe I'm puffball too! My bf will be on his puter watching god knows what, the only ones I'll watch over his shoulder is two pretty girlies kissing. then when they bring out the extreme dildos I gag and move on.
ANd I HATE that pseudo violent shit too. I wouldn't watch another rocko movie if you paid me.
AlexxaHex
04-10-2008, 03:21 PM
^^^
I am not hating on transgendered people. I am very live and let live, awesome if that's for you!! I just don't really like my boyfriend jacking off on that type of porn.
I have a pussy. I want my boyfriend to think about sticking his you know what in that general area. Its unnerving to think that he is fantasizing about reaching around and jacking off my non xistent cock while were fucking. Thats not exactly a service I can provide.
He's probably fantasizing about transgendered people because it's something you can't provide. Men like variety, and you certainly can't control his thoughts.
xoxoGracexoxo
04-10-2008, 04:24 PM
I only get bothered by it if I feel like it's been hidden.
This is an issue for me, too. I hate any feeling that anything's been hidden from actually, which isn't totally reasonable because even people in relationships have a right to a certain ammount of privacy.
But finding C.'s spank material on *ahem* MY computer was kinda out of the blue and really startled me. Way more than when I come home and find a DVD in the player...that's really nothing to me. Weird that there is this distinction. Maybe I felt like he kind of violated my space with this...I mean, it's my computer. Yeah, I'm territorial. Heh.
Talking to him about it made me feel so much better, I think mostly because it got it out in the open. He knows I know. I know he knows I know. I know I'm still his number one; he knows I'm OK with the porn as long as he sees it for the fantasy it is. So we're good.
xoxoGracexoxo
04-10-2008, 04:31 PM
Out of all the freaky shit my boyfriend likes to watch boygirls is the least of my worries, lol.
I agree. I mean, I don't have a dick and can't provide one, so obviously if he's interested in that he'll have to check out the Internet or the moviestoreI can also see how that would be an interesting fantasy for a lot of people. Not really that weird. I think some women worry about this kind of interest because they are afraid their boyfriend is going to "turn gay" or some such. But really, fantasy is fantasy the vast majority of the time. Sometimes just the exotic or taboo nature of certain fantasies makes them hot to people.
Zabrina
04-10-2008, 04:35 PM
I had one ex, whom I was living with. We had gotten to a point where we barely had sex. We did it maybe once a month. I knew he had a high sex drive and just wasn't doing it with me ... for some reason. When I found his pron stash it really bothered me. One time after I had been home with him all day, he left the house and I started to do laundry. I found a fresh jizz stain in a towel. It really hurt, I mean we were both home but instead of coming to me, he had watched a video and jerked it in the bedroom while I was right downstairs. I was so pissed I took his videos, piled them on the carpet, and smashed them up with a hammer.
Afterwards, I cleaned up the mess, threw out the evidence and never said anything. He never said anything either. Our problem was never solved.
It wasn't the porn that bothered me, it was feeling like I didn't exist to him.
Volupte
04-10-2008, 11:37 PM
I know all guys have porn, and it doesn't mean he doesn't love me, or isn't attracted to me. I'm not sure why those thoughts are in my head. They are, though. I really wouldn't have expected myself to be bothered by this, but I am.
I've never been bothered by porn until I got with my current boyfriend. We've been together for about 2 years (by far my longest relationship ever) and while we have a great relationship and we're best friends, it really makes me uncomfortable. I cant pin point why, it just does. He knows whats up and while I think he still has most of his porn, he almost never watches it, even when we only have time to do it like once a week.
Make sure you let your boyfriend know it makes you a bit uncomfortable and hopefully he'll ease up on the porn.
thechaosfairy
04-11-2008, 03:50 AM
Whoo! I'm glad you talked. Communication is GOOOOOOOD!!
*hugs a Grace*
re: antidepressants, I have heard that Wellbutrin (which I'm on, by itself) is often prescribed in tandem with an SSRI to counter the sexual dysfunction side effect, because it tends to raise sex drive. Have you talked to your pdoc about this?
xoxoGracexoxo
04-11-2008, 11:37 AM
^^Thanks, dude. I will do a bit of research on Wellbutrin...might do some good. Honestly, my sex drive has always been -- I would not say low, as per se, but quiet and subtle. It goes underground pretty easily when I am stressed or unhappy.
xoxoGracexoxo
04-11-2008, 11:50 AM
Huh. There's a pretty interesting Salon article here (http://archive.salon.com/sex/feature/2000/09/26/wellbutrin/index2.html) about Wellbutrin and it's sex-enhancing effects.
I might have some reservations about taking an enhancement drug, though. I mean, is there anything wrong with the fact that my sex drive is not as high as my partner's? I admit, sometimes I have insecurities about whether he will leave me if he doesn't get enough play, but I think my insecurities about the situation are at least as much of a problem as my sex drive.
I mean, I'm not necessarily unhappy having a lowered sex drive right now. I'm so freaking busy and stressed out, and sexually depleted from rubbing on strangers all the time, I feel OK with just letting that part of me rest right now.
So if I were to take a drug, it would be for C.'s benefit, and the benefit of my relationship, not so much for myself. I have nothing against doing things for the sake of my boyfriend and my relationship; I do a lot for both. But maybe not to the extent of putting chemicals in my body. What's the difference between medicating myself to be hornier and getting a boob job because my boyfriend wants me to have bigger tits?
I'm seriously thinking this over right now, and open to all opinions. By the way, I'm OK with guy opinions, too, which is why this is in the Lounge and not Ladies Only. Just, you know, please don't be jerks.
All Good Things
04-11-2008, 01:28 PM
I wouldn't have even seen this post except for the fact that you posted last in the thread, Grace, and I pretty much read everything you write.
I will do my best not to be a jerk.
Full disclosure: I'm on the 150 mg SR formulation of generic Wellbutrin, 600 - 750 mg per day (four to five pills spread out during the day); a very high dose.
The Salon article on Wellbutrin is unusually good, but then, that's Salon. They nailed it on Wellbutrin's bad rep due to seizures; I've written quite a bit about this in Body Business. It's a totally undeserved reputation and nobody ever talks about it. Psychiatrists still avoid prescribing it alone, even at low doses, and focus pretty much on prescribing it with SSRIs due to its ability to counter their catastrophic sexual side effects.
The Salon article is a bit outdated, though, and Wellbutrin has since come off patent. The generic buproprion is excellent and much less expensive.
There is no clinical or research evidence that Wellbutrin can have a sexual-response-enhancing effect when prescribed to "normal" people, e.g. those not suffering from depression, a physiological dysfunction, a sexual dysfunction (which I don't think you have), or currently taking an SSRI. So I don't believe it would actually help you in the situation you describe above -- it's not believed to be an aphrodisiac and it's not "women's Viagra" -- although that's an area of research getting a lot of attention these days.
It is an extraordinarily effective antidepressant, though. And at very high doses it will wipe out your appetite. Your entire sense of hunger will disappear. You can go all day without eating and never even notice it. That's why most people lose at least 10 lbs on Wellbutrin; if you work out and are careful about what you actually do eat, you can lose around 30 lbs. And keep it off.
Grace, honestly I don't think a lower-level libido is anything close to a dysfunction. You may just naturally be on a different part of the response curve. Other than drugs designed to lower your inhibitions (like alcohol, which has twice the inhibition-lowering effect in women compared to men) I don't think there is a chemical solution for you. (Well, except maybe Ecstasy/MDMA.)
The level of stress in your life and the emotional depletion of the job are likely to be responsible for reducing what libido you do have, but that's no news flash I'm sure.
You might find relief, or at least determine what your natural libido level actually is, by getting away from work and the stress for a couple of weeks. Yeah, I know how difficult that is to do when you are as busy as you say. :)