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View Full Version : Whose father called them a "whore" and "slut" growing up?



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XoticaDoll
04-13-2008, 09:07 PM
Oh my god, Xotica. That is one of the worst, most disturbing things I have ever heard in my entire life. I am so sorry. :hug:

But y'know, this is one of the reasons I couldn't bring myself to consider adoption when I was 14 and pregnant with a child of mixed race. Although I still struggle with the decision I made, I cannot imagine what I would be feeling right now if I read this and knew I had a child out there somewhere who could conceivably have experienced something like this. So, your sharing that horrible experience just helped me in a way. I hope that doesn't upset or offend you.

As for the original question:
No. My family is far too "civilized" and passive-aggressive for this kind of name-calling. We love each other, but we're all a little crazy...When we damage each other, it is in far more subtle ways.

I had the kind of dad who let me dress however I wanted. When I was 15 (and younger), he'd just wink at me and pat me on the butt as I was leaving the house dressed like a Times Square hooker.

But there was this one horrible moment:

When I was about 20 and involved with psycho-boyfriend, my father confronted me about a journal entry that my best friend or sister had read (I've blocked out the details). My father is very very quiet, gentle, and non-confrontational, so I can only imagine how much pain it caused him to have to say this to me. He said,

"....It said you were a whore, and that _____ was your pimp."

Ouch. Because of my incredibly intense relationship with my dad, this is right up there among the worst moments of my life.

It didn't help that I was just coming home from SC and was uncomfortably drunk.

I found out later that they were seriously considering having me committed around that time. Sometimes I wish they had; I was pretty outta control.

I feel for those of you who have dealt with this particular brand of verbal abuse. I watched a close friend of mine deal with it while we were growing up, so I know something about the repercussions.


I am not offended at all and actually I commend you for thinking the way you did about your situation. I am glad it helped you in a way.

thechaosfairy
04-13-2008, 09:51 PM
My dad sort of randomly flips out around evidence that his children are sexual, but he doesn't get mean about it, just awkward. I mean, he might shout and bluster and go "that's inappropriate!", but he doesn't get nasty.

When I told my parents I danced, this was the one time I had a conversation with them where my mother got it and my father didn't. But he doesn't hold it against me personally at all. We're both kind of geeky / brain-in-a-jar type temperaments, and I think his opinion of me has more or less stayed the same all my life, respectful, though with that whole parent-child superiority attached to it. He was once a hippie, and I don't think the word slut, or the associated concept, is in his vocabulary.

I'm really lucky for that.

I know what it's like to be undermined by parents... my mother had a few years where she was awful to me... and it really, really sucks.

thechaosfairy
04-13-2008, 09:54 PM
Oh, and I think XoticaDoll's father should be shot.

If he's dead, dig him up and shoot him.

I mean, fuck. That's just inhumanly awful.

jaizaine
04-14-2008, 04:10 AM
No my dad has always been very supportive and kind to me.

What you are describing is such a breach of trust from a father. That is the one man we are supposed to be rely on in this world to think we are wonderful and protect us. It's very sad that yours did this to you.

Vyanka
04-14-2008, 07:02 AM
My dad never called me any of that until the day he found out I was stripping! Yeah, i'm a whore....says the man who can't stay faithful to his wife. ::)

That made me feel like total shit.

jennahoff
04-14-2008, 09:27 AM
i had quite the normal childhood and adolesence but i think his openness about sex and talking about other womens looks(not in a perv way but in a critical way)
definitely formed how i thought men viewed women and still do to some extent.

but these are stories for the shrink LOL :)

Sirona
04-14-2008, 10:00 AM
To all of you who had verbally abusive parents, did your parents act really sweet to everybody else and brag about how much they loved you in public?

I know nobody will believe me if they found out my parents were abusive, because everyone thinks that they love me so much and would do anything for me.

My mom was a pillar in the community. A catholic school teacher that everyone loved and respected.

Behind closed doors was a whole other story. It took years for it to come out that she was mentally ill (refused any treatment) and crushingly abusive in every way possible.

I spent years having people call me a liar. In the long run though people eventually found out the truth so there was a sort of vindication of sorts.

*shrug*

I knew the truth, that was all that mattered.

BlueJeanBaby
04-14-2008, 12:33 PM
^^Yup.

My parents are very dysfunctional, and my father, who I talked about in my previous post was the abuser...physically, emotionally, and verbally. The thing is, my parents really lay it on thick in public (especially if we have guests) that everything is fine, and no one would ever guess what the truth is in our home. To everyone else they are the wonderful, champagne drinking, little-dog carrying, educated upper-middle class family.

For example, one physical altercation with my father when I was a teenager ended up with me being taken to the emergency room for head trauma....when we got there, my mother turns to my father and says, "what should we tell the doctors what happened?" She was protecting him from getting in trouble and protecting their reputation.....it hurt that my mother, whom I adore would protect him instead of protecting us.

After another situation I had to call 911 for myself (finally found the guts to do so, which I'm proud of myself for), and they sent a cop car out because I was pretty roughed up and bleeding from the mouth. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, somehow I was the asshole for calling the police and thus giving the neighbors something to gossip about. My mother, instead of being more upset about her kids being violently beaten up by a 200lb man, was much more horrified that a cop car was going to show up at our house.

"Oh god we're going to look like trash!!!!!"

Well....if the shoe fits.

Bellkitty
04-14-2008, 07:44 PM
I'm really sorry that happened to you. My eyes actually started tearing up while reading that. I have an amazing dad and he would kill anybody that talked to me that way. For all the ladies that had unstable households growing up, my heart goes out to you. :hug:

This.

It makes me very very thankful for my parents... I feel like I've almost been taking them for granted! My mom and I had the usual pre-teen shouting matches over make-up and clothing and homework and stuff, but never in my life have either of my parents EVER called me any kind of derogatory name, except in jest (we joke around A LOT in my family), or ever laid a hand on me in a violent manner. We were always pretty open about sex and all that stuff, anyway - my mom taught me everything there was to know about sex and puberty and drugs etc by the time I was 10. Hell, I was better informed about it all than our health teacher was in high school... I practically taught that class with all my interjections! As for these days, they know I strip as a second job and they're fine with it. It's just a job after all!

PaigeDWinter
04-14-2008, 08:02 PM
Mine said I was "dressing like a slut" but never called me an actual slut. He usually just called me a time waster, stupid, failure, etc

ViolaStrings
04-14-2008, 08:16 PM
BJB - my parents are just like yours.

Jeska
04-14-2008, 09:18 PM
I don't recall my dad ever calling me any derogatory names, thank goodness. Past b/f's though, yes.

AudreyLeigh
04-15-2008, 07:53 AM
If I remember correctly I was called a slut when my parents found out I was pregnant at 16 but it was in the heat of the moment and Ive never held it against them.

lizlizliz
04-15-2008, 11:28 AM
Um, no.

ClaireBear84
04-15-2008, 12:43 PM
I've never met my biological dad, but the dad that did raise me keeps his emotions to himself and easily goes on the defense. He hasn't spoken to me in almost a week because I said I didn't want to go out to lunch with him. Oh well, its been the most quiet i've ever experienced.

VegasPrincess
04-15-2008, 01:05 PM
No, that is really horrible. The worst thing my dad ever did to me was to ask if I was on drugs when he found out I was dancing....which is lame, but never did he call me a slut whore skanky bag etc.

I'm not saying that he and I have the best relationship, but he certainly would never cross that line...

Alia_of_the_Knife
04-15-2008, 03:24 PM
I'm actually very glad to hear that most of the women on this board didn't have fathers who said awful things to them! It gives me some hope for the world.

london
04-16-2008, 10:11 PM
My mom was/is the verbally abusive one. My Dad's never called me out of my name..but he also didn't stand up for me against my Mom's tirades, either.

Katrine
04-18-2008, 12:35 PM
My dad did it again a couple of months ago, called me a whore, in front of my great uncle, twice. Daddy issues, I haz them.