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jaizaine
04-22-2008, 12:50 AM
Oh my god. How could I forget this one: demand to see my nipples before you say yes or no to the dance. Uh, seeing me naked is a major component OF the dance, jackass. Why would I show you for free?



i fucking hate this. "oh just give me a taste of what i will see, a preview" FUCKING COCK SMOKERS!!!!!!

myids
04-22-2008, 08:25 AM
Ladies, after you've been patiently chatting with me for several minutes, would you be offended if I ask you which dancers in the club 'really know how to give liberal dances,' or even 'extras?' No? Then I'll add that I'm not attracted to chics with fake tits, as I take another gulp from my beer to feed my huge gut, that has already migrated far below my belt and is hanging on my lap. As you get up to go, I'll make your day and give you a good slap on the ass to cement our new friendship.

Great thread - thanks for the laughs!

doc-catfish
04-22-2008, 10:09 AM
Start here: http://www.themysterymethod.com/

Then if that doesn't work, try to at least haggle the dancer down to half price on a single dance.

If she bites on that, tell her all the things that other girl lets you get away with.

Come to think of it, skip all of the above and just bring some roofies, its cheaper, if you don't mind the whole 'illegal' thing.

Sophia_Starina
04-22-2008, 11:29 AM
Start here: http://www.themysterymethod.com/



^^^^^^^ Bwahahahah! :laughing: that's some golden advice.

ColetteCalahan
04-22-2008, 12:25 PM
oh... ask me if i'm a cosmetologist. I LOOOOOVE this. i get this a LOT. apparently all strippers with short funky hairstyles must be cosmetologists.

Jenny
04-22-2008, 12:48 PM
You're not a cosmetologist?

xdamage
04-23-2008, 09:39 PM
oh... ask me if i'm a cosmetologist. I LOOOOOVE this. i get this a LOT. apparently all strippers with short funky hairstyles must be cosmetologists.

OMG... I <3 Cosmetologists ... the cosmos is so spiritual and stuff. Rocket Scientists FTW!


;)

merely_lurking
04-23-2008, 09:47 PM
You could always jizz on them. Apparently they are not into that. I didn't read most of the other contributions to the thread so I apologize if somebody already came up with that one.

Cheers,
-M.L.-

CuriousSeeker
04-23-2008, 11:38 PM
- ask what else i do - it's none of your business and it's condescending

This is something I totally don't get: why are guys so curious/invested about this? It makes no difference to their lives or to the visuals. Do my boobs really look any different depending on my answer? The cost of the dance doesn't change. Plus, there are generally no right answers: being honest about having a day job gets as much huffing and puffing as saying none.

I guess this could be a great game: "I'll tell you when we're in VIP." I just played that game about did I go to school, and if so, where. I gave him a fake answer in VIP. ;) I guess I'm going to have to be somewhat consistent in this persona I'm creating.

jaizaine
04-24-2008, 12:26 AM
^^
i do similar when they ask if my tits are real. only one way to find out (kind of) come get a dance and u can judge for yourself.

jaizaine
04-24-2008, 12:27 AM
OMG... I <3 Cosmetologists ... the cosmos is so spiritual and stuff. Rocket Scientists FTW!


;)

it's the title given to girls who usually work behind cosmetics counters.

3-Legged Man
04-24-2008, 03:17 AM
This is something I totally don't get: why are guys so curious/invested about this? It makes no difference to their lives or to the visuals. Do my boobs really look any different depending on my answer? The cost of the dance doesn't change. Plus, there are generally no right answers: being honest about having a day job gets as much huffing and puffing as saying none.


Well, this might just seem to be a crazy thought, but maybe the guys asking questions like that see you as more than a pair of boobs! Even if your answer isn't truthful, it does help us guys in creating the mental/emotional fantasy that makes the experience so enjoyable.

jester214
04-24-2008, 11:03 AM
Whip it out. Whip it out as much as possible, and if they ever tell you to put it away, they mean leave it out. Live by this rule, it's what all the great customers do.

CuriousSeeker
04-24-2008, 12:59 PM
Well, this might just seem to be a crazy thought, but maybe the guys asking questions like that see you as more than a pair of boobs! Even if your answer isn't truthful, it does help us guys in creating the mental/emotional fantasy that makes the experience so enjoyable.

I confess: I didn't see this angle, so I appreciate the insight. I thought details about me as a person - real or fake (definitely plausible, at least) - would ruin the effect of me as sex object, existing as only [stage name]. I thought playing into escapism by not mentioning "the real world" was the best way to play into fantasy.

I suppose I also saw power moves in questions about my personal/work life. I'm still learning how to handle what I perceive as a power move without alienating the customer.

Additionally, I figured any honesty about what I actually do would be a turn-off because of the nerd factor involved.

gameover
04-24-2008, 01:10 PM
oh come on guys, it was a joke thread :)

jester214
04-24-2008, 01:19 PM
damn, two posts and no mention of mine... I thought it was funny...

jester slinks away to the corner...

xdamage
04-24-2008, 01:59 PM
it's the title given to girls who usually work behind cosmetics counters.

Err ah yes, I was joking (in keeping with this thread being a spoof ;))

hockeybobby
04-24-2008, 02:40 PM
Do something like this:

Kevin, Jake, and Jimmy are all sitting next to the stage at a local strip club, when the sexiest girl they have ever seen makes her way onto the stage. Kevin, wanting to impress his friends, takes a fifty dollar bill out of his wallet and waves it at the young dancer. She approaches him and shakes her ass in his face. He obliges by licking the fifty dollar bill and sticking it to her left ass cheek!
Jake, not wanting to be out-done by his friend, pulls a hundred dollar bill out of his wallet and waves it at the young lady. She dances over, waves her ass in his face, to which he licks the hundred dolar bill and sticks it to her right butt cheek.
Now, this sexy little lady is dancing around with a hundred and fifty dollars stuck to her butt cheeks.
Jimmy doesn't have any cash left on him, so he pulls out his credit card and waves it at the hot entertainer. She makes her way over to him. She bends over and puts her cute little behind inches from his face. He stands up and promptly runs the credit card down the crack of her ass, grabs that fifty and the hundred, and walks out the door!!!

CuriousSeeker
04-24-2008, 02:58 PM
Scream "I love you" at the stage.

Alternatively, scream, "Why you lookin' at me? Stop lookin' at me."

mina loy
04-24-2008, 03:31 PM
touch, massage, and examine my face as if you were checking for blackheads.

MarvelGirl
04-24-2008, 08:40 PM
I got one, tell me that I'm a disgrace to my country for being in the Army but getting out after one contract instead of staying the full 20 years, also tell me that I squandered my time in the service by not travelling the world (apparently the military is just a glorified travel agency where you can get stationed anywhere your little heart desires) THEN when I ask if you served respond with "Oh god no, I stayed in college for 12 years just to avoid the draft." :O

gingerlee
04-25-2008, 01:27 AM
Ask me to marry you in the middle of a show, ring and all, and then get offended when I laugh at you.

Sit in the parking lot after the club closes and try to follow me back to my hotel.

Bring me food and expect me to eat it in front of you, even if I'm allergic to said food item.

Try to get me to give you free merchandise, because lord knows I don't have to pay for any of it in the first place.

oregonchick
04-25-2008, 02:43 AM
I spent all my money getting in at the door. I would love to get a dance from you, do you take food stamps?

Sarah Andi
04-26-2008, 02:01 AM
Ask me to call you a cab.

Ask me to fetch another girl.

Zabrina
04-26-2008, 02:08 AM
Have a wet pee spot on your lap, and expect us both to pretend its not there.

Sarah Andi
04-26-2008, 08:47 AM
Alternatively, cum in your pants and then brag to your buddies about what a great dance you got, indicating the spot on your pants.

(And then act confused when you're bounced.)

holiday
04-26-2008, 07:46 PM
Wow, this thread is my favorite - I just found it. Everything has pretty much been covered I think. Maybe try gyrating wildly while I dance for you, and slump down so low into the couch, in an attempt to get your dick grinded more, that you repeatedly fall off of the couch and have to get up and sit back down.

Oh, and this from Dottie Rebel:
Oh, oh! I get awfully bored at work and I love it when guys play little games with me to keep me entertained and on my toes. Like, I like it when guys hold a dollar out and when I go for it they jerk it back. It's even more fun when they say something like, "I'm going to make your work for it." That gives me an incentive to get the dollar. The best part of the game is that you can even keep your dollar at the end and reuse it to help entertain and motivate other strippers! made me laugh until I cried.

Sarah Andi
04-27-2008, 12:42 AM
^^^ hahaha! I was just thinking about adding the humpers!

hot4ablackchick
04-28-2008, 01:35 AM
Don't forget to tell me what to do while I'm dancing for you. Tell me to bend over, spread it, grind harder, face the other way, etc.

Please also tell me how to take your tip onstage also. I would not know how to otherwise. Tell me to show you my crotch, tell me to do something special, and no matter what I do, say "Is that ALLLLLLL I get for my dollar!?"

If I tell you I have a BF, make sure you tell me how much better you are than he is, and how you would take care of me so I wouldn't have to dance and come to this awful place anymore. I will leave my perfect man in heartbeat for you if you tell me this you strange man.

Be sure to talk extremely close to my face. Bonus if you have doodie breath.

Stroke my hair and pet me like a dog if I sit with you.

Be sure to tell me how you 'LOVE' eating vagina and how you could stay down there all night eating my vagina. Tell me how good you are at eating vagina and how nobody could possibly eat vagina better than you. This will turn me on, as I've never had my vagina eaten, and most guys HATE eating vagina. BONUS if you can brag on your cock size as well.

Talk about how much you hate strip clubs, how strippers are money hungry, and how you don't "NEED" to be in a strip club.

Be sure to tell me how I can earn more money. Be sure to tell me how to dress, talk, and dance onstage. Tell me how to hustle. You know so much more than I, customer.

Be sure to argue with me when I tell you my boobs are fake, and that I'm not mixed I am all black, as I am crazy and do not remember being black and getting breast implants. (Yes this happens nightly)

thechaosfairy
04-28-2008, 02:23 AM
Be sure to tell me how you 'LOVE' eating vagina and how you could stay down there all night eating my vagina. Tell me how good you are at eating vagina and how nobody could possibly eat vagina better than you. This will turn me on, as I've never had my vagina eaten, and most guys HATE eating vagina. BONUS if you can brag on your cock size as well.

Aww, man. Whatta winner. I see this stuff on personal ads too, and I have to wonder, are these the ones who are turning around and complaining "no one likes a nice guy!" later?

VegasPrincess
04-28-2008, 05:25 AM
Be sure to argue with me when I tell you my boobs are fake, and that I'm not mixed I am all black, as I am crazy and do not remember being black and getting breast implants. (Yes this happens nightly)

Hahahahaha!!!

jaizaine
04-28-2008, 08:29 AM
Tell me to finger myself - I really hate that.::)

I'll tell u what's wrong with it:

- it's illegal in Melbourne for me to do it
- it's against club rules
- I JUST PLAIN OLD DON'T WANT TO
- I'm not turned on so I'm dry as a bone down there making any attempt useless
- My hands are not sterile, I have been touching poles, the stage etc so I refuse to put all those germs up there
- Have u looked at the length of my fingernails?
- If I did want to do it and the above didn't apply you would have to pay a lot more than the price of one dance

Sarah Andi
04-28-2008, 12:45 PM
hot4ablackchick ftw

mina loy
04-28-2008, 10:32 PM
when i'm actually in your lap dancing for you, bounce your knees up and down like you're playing "horsey" with a toddler.

thechaosfairy
04-30-2008, 12:21 AM
^^^ That's CREEPY.

gingerlee
04-30-2008, 02:17 PM
Tell me all your fucked up sexual fantasies and expect me to get all hot and bothered when you do so. Bonus points if you call me a slut while you're telling me your stories.

Get bitchy when all I'll drink is water and argue with me about needing a shot. Buy me the shot I already said I don't want and then pout when I'll all do is push it back towards you.

Tip me with fake money. (Got this 2 weeks in a row.)

Try to play 'Let's Make a Deal' while I'm doing promo after a show because you're special and deserve a discount. Get huffy when I tell you it ain't gonna happen.

And my favorite thing ever....Tell me you want to kill me and wear me as a suit, and then eat my brain. I promise not to make fun of your lame ripoff of 'Silence of the Lambs'.

Casual Observer
05-01-2008, 05:28 PM
And my favorite thing ever....Tell me you want to kill me and wear me as a suit, and then eat my brain. I promise not to make fun of your lame ripoff of 'Silence of the Lambs'.

Goddamn...I am way too friggin' vanilla, I guess.

xoxoGracexoxo
05-02-2008, 09:45 AM
Ladies, after you've been patiently chatting with me for several minutes, would you be offended if I ask you which dancers in the club 'really know how to give liberal dances,' or even 'extras?' No? Then I'll add that I'm not attracted to chics with fake tits, as I take another gulp from my beer to feed my huge gut, that has already migrated far below my belt and is hanging on my lap. As you get up to go, I'll make your day and give you a good slap on the ass to cement our new friendship.

Pretty good, but don't forget to tell me to "go make money" as I'm walking away. Why thank you, honey. Staring into your trout-like eyes for two minutes almost made me forget where I was and why I was here. I was dreaming you and me were running through a field of daisies together. Thanks for snapping me back into the drudgery of my depraved existence. Well, see you later.

Oh, and from here on please describe me to other dancers as your "friend" and try to make them beleive that I have some kind of special bond with your creepy ass.

Perry
05-02-2008, 10:58 AM
How could we miss this one?

Sit at the tip rail, but whatever you do - don't tip!

fancygirl
05-02-2008, 03:08 PM
^AND act confused and offended when we tell you to move.

made_of_sequins
05-02-2008, 03:46 PM
Have a wet pee spot on your lap, and expect us both to pretend its not there.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. :-\

CuriousSeeker
05-02-2008, 08:48 PM
Sit at the tip rail, and then ask me for change for a $5 as I do my tip walk. Get huffy when I can only produce $3. Refuse to tip and mortify your girlfriend with this behavior.

AkashaM
05-03-2008, 12:07 AM
We really love it when you YANK the fuck out of our hair while collecting tips or giving a lapdance. You KNOW that turns us on when you rip out our $800 extensions.

Yeah Ive had that happen more than once...fourtunately the extensions stayed put, lol.

made_of_sequins
05-03-2008, 12:56 AM
Sit at the tip rail, and then ask me for change for a $5 as I do my tip walk. Get huffy when I can only produce $3. Refuse to tip and mortify your girlfriend with this behavior.

lol, were you working with me? :P EVERYONE was pulling this crap at CR tonight. talk about cheap! But it is mildly amusing to completely embarrass them for it.

badpixie
05-03-2008, 04:17 AM
Whip it out. Whip it out as much as possible, and if they ever tell you to put it away, they mean leave it out. Live by this rule, it's what all the great customers do.

Better yet, deny you're doing it as you're doing it right out in the open at your table, and then tell the dancer she's a fucked up little girl when she goes to get the bouncer.

mina loy
05-03-2008, 01:56 PM
sit at the tip rail and fucking TEXT on your phone.

this is my favorite thread of all time! :)

virgoamm
05-03-2008, 02:31 PM
After getting five dances, try and pay me fifty dollars instead of one hundred. And mind you, this is AFTER you asked for a dance and wanted to know how much they cost and I SPECIFICALLY told you that it was twenty per song. And then saying, "But, but, I thought we were just hanging out back here having a good time. I didn't know it was going to cost so much. " ::)

iambonbon05
05-03-2008, 03:28 PM
sit at the tip rail and fucking TEXT on your phone.

this is my favorite thread of all time! :)
Better yet, pretend to text while actually taking pictures. Be a huge dick about it when the dancer tells you to please put it away.

VegasPrincess
05-03-2008, 04:08 PM
sit at the tip rail and fucking TEXT on your phone.

this is my favorite thread of all time! :)

Actually, what would be even better is if he would PRETEND to tect while secretly filming us on his camera phone. When we bust him out, it would really trip my trigger if he'd be all, "What do you care? You're a stripper! You should just be flattered that I thought you were hot enough to use as my screen saver."

I really, really would love that.

jannisary
05-03-2008, 10:50 PM
List of things to do on next trip

1) Wear sweat pants or basketball shorts.

2) Don't bother to shower, just use lots of cologne.

3) Make sure to insert memory card into cell phone so I can take lots of pictures & VIDEO!.

4) Toothbrush, mouth wash, eh who needs that crap.

5) Be cheap and rude. Don't bother tipping stage...its a free show!

6) Pull strippers' hair- HARD! I know they secretly love it!

7) Grope! If its in reach, its in fair play!

8) Pick a dancer and follow her around all night.

9) Lick, bite, or slap; or better yet all three.

10) Give those stripper nipples a proper "tuning".