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Hatshepsut
04-24-2008, 04:52 PM
AudreyLeigh, I commend you for your honesty. It sounds like you feel like you made a mistake, but not a regret, or vice versa or something.

holiday
04-24-2008, 06:41 PM
I totally understand where your comming form, I watched the same thing happen to my friend when she was 14. Only it wasn't adoption...her mother forced her to have the baby. Her mother said "you made your bed, now lie in it" Forced the responsibility on her.
Only difference is...she never grew to love her child. He is 14 now, and she still resents him, treats him like shit every day and the kid has a whole slew of mental problems and is constantly medicated to the point of being a zombie because ofall these so called mental problems which really only stem from being raised with no love, and being treated so badly. I asked her once when he was about 3 why she didnt give him up now, since she still didnt want him and she said " I'm kinda attached to him now" NEVEr once in his entire life has she said I love you to him. It's so sad.

That breaks my heart. I really believe crime and depression and a slew of other mental disorders are caused my a lousy childhood with unloving parents. I know selective sterilization is a road we don't want to go down, but honestly, sometimes it sounds good.

Lexi
04-24-2008, 09:20 PM
I totally understand where your comming form, I watched the same thing happen to my friend when she was 14. Only it wasn't adoption...her mother forced her to have the baby. Her mother said "you made your bed, now lie in it" Forced the responsibility on her.
Only difference is...she never grew to love her child. He is 14 now, and she still resents him, treats him like shit every day and the kid has a whole slew of mental problems and is constantly medicated to the point of being a zombie because ofall these so called mental problems which really only stem from being raised with no love, and being treated so badly. I asked her once when he was about 3 why she didnt give him up now, since she still didnt want him and she said " I'm kinda attached to him now" NEVEr once in his entire life has she said I love you to him. It's so sad.


That right there is so heartbreaking. I feel for the poor kid. :(

Electrum
04-24-2008, 09:27 PM
For those who don't want biological kids, do you think you might regret it when it's no longer possible; or if it's already no longer possible, do you regret it at all?

For those who have kids, do you ever regret it (AudreyL's answer made me think about this http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1512250&postcount=33 )?

You really seldom hear people who have kids say that they wish they hadn't. For the most part people seem to count it among the best experiences of their lives.

And for those who want kids, are you concerned with what kind of world you might bring a child into (global warming, the possibility of mass starvation even in first world countries, etc.)?

Thoughts?

Well, as a crazyperson-mother of two, I can say this: there are definitely times you wish you hadn't BUT it's a thought that you know is irrational. Like if you're really depressed and think "I wanna shoot myself in the head" but you know you wouldn't. Parents who tell you otherwise are probably lying (especially if you've just had a newborn or have an infant... sleep dep plus screaming child = bad thoughts lol.) I've heard it's "normal" to get thoughts like throwing your child out the window lol, obviously as long as you don't do it or tell them you're thinking it!

And about your last question: there is always something to worry about at any point in time of human existence. I don't think it should be as big of a deal as people make it, but I can understand wanting to put off having kids because of a war or something. That's common sense I'm sure.

Electrum
04-24-2008, 09:39 PM
I haven't read all of the posts but I saw a few people that thought they'd be a bad mom since they have anxiety problems. Well, I just want to say that it's ok if you have problems like that. As long as you wont do anything too psycho (like drowned them or something) plenty of moms have mental health issues. Sometimes I feel guilty that I might be passing some weird psycho genes down the line, but even though I have weird mental problems I love myself and wouldn't have myself any other way. As long as I'm at least trying to take care of myself. And if my children are a little weird or normal I'll love them no matter what!

BalletBaby
04-24-2008, 10:57 PM
I want kids and I definitely have baby fever now, but it wouldn't be a smart decision right now. I want to get my Bachelor's and buy a house first, to start off. And probably get a job. Then go from there.

I'll enjoy the babies through my friends for now:D

BrodieLux
04-24-2008, 11:46 PM
And be someone like my mother? Won't take the chance.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too, though we probably had different experiences motivating that sentiment.

My mom seems like the sort of woman who said, "Eh, why not?" and then probably regretted her decision. I spent my childhood feeling disdained and unloved, and she's still very distant to this day. I don't know what the story is, really. Maybe she just had her own demons to deal with. She wasn't evil to me or anything. She did show up at the parent-teacher conferences and shuttle me to sports and stuff. It's just that, I never felt loved. She wasn't there for me. I'd get relentlessly bullied at school, and she'd mock me for crying. She didn't tell me I was wonderful. She was never interested in spending time with me, and still isn't. She just criticizes the shit out of me and nags and acts annoyed if she's in my company for more than an hour. BTW, she has anxiety problems and depression issues. So I think, if you have those too, don't have kids. Don't subject them to that.

I like kids alright, and I definitely want to be a mentor to them. I don't think I want my own. I like adventures and freedom. I could see myself adopting some day, but I don't like babies, and I personally think the idea of being pregnant is revolting. I've always assumed I just wouldn't have kids. I don't think it's my role in life.

AlexxaHex
04-25-2008, 04:23 AM
Everyone has anxiety and depression nowadays. It's all how you manage it. Taking things out on kids is a choice.

Darcy Foxx
04-25-2008, 05:08 AM
i dislike babies. like i have a really strong intense disliking for babies. especially newborns. the other day i was watching this show and it showed people giving birth and when they put those squishy bloody tiny little people in the mothers arms i actually felt ill and couldn't watch it because the thought of childbirth and babies is so unappealing to me. i've never once looked at a baby and thought it was cute. i just do not like babies at all.

i think that is a pretty damn good sign that i should never procreate, and i have no desire whatsoever to have any kind of major responsibility over another life. i'm a lazy, irresponsible, flippant and impulsive person, and i should never inflict that on other people. i'd be such a shit mother haha.

i'd be happy living in a house with a thousand cats but there is not one maternal bone in my body.

muladoll
04-25-2008, 05:34 AM
I never wanted any. I felt kids were a pain in the ass and just plain annoying. Who the hell has that kind of patience.?

I got pregnant under the best and most diligent birth control methods. I thought dad was an inconsiderate asshole, and I was most certainly was not ready to have some kid.

I now have the most most beautiful, smartest, and wisest boy. OK "yes" it's my opinion, but I can't deny that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He helped me grow up immediately. No "diddle daddle", no "when the time is right", no, "when I find the right man", etc., bullshit excuses. He happened without my need/wanting and he is my Prince. He's taught me so many things about who I am and what is important. If it wasn't for him, I would have never been ready to be who I am today and have the drive that he gives me simply for being alive.

I'm not promoting random pregnancy, but if it occurs under the most careful of preventive circumstances, and you have a slight feeling of hope, go for it! My Prince has actually made me feel yonger, happier, more optimistic, and more driven.

There are no stretch marks and there was no sagging because I took preventative measures. Mind you, I was almost 30 years old when I got pregnant. My body actually became sexier and curvier, except for the slight increase in waist size. So becoming a frumpy dumpy mommy, getting fat, stretch marked, and dependant on some guy are just lies unless you belive in them.

The time may never be right, but do you think it ever really will feel like it is?

alessandra
04-25-2008, 08:10 AM
No, I don't want children. Like Darcy, I'd be happy with a bunch of cats versus having a kid.

SundayMorning
04-25-2008, 08:14 AM
muladoll, your post is making my ovaries twitch. Gahhhh. Bad ovaries! ;)

Alia_of_the_Knife
04-25-2008, 08:31 AM
I am over 90% sure that I will adopt. Having biological children is another story so I can't really answer that question... And even if I do have kids it probably won't be until mid 30s at least. (I am an only child and my parents both had me in their mid 30s.)

But after reading this thread and this on msn http://health.msn.com/health-topics/anti-aging/default.aspx?GT1=31036 I wonder if our society has turned into the first society that is not ok with simply getting old, dieing, and leaving things to the next generation. People used to just accept the fact that they would get wrinkles and die. Then again, people often had half a dozen children so they knew their genetic immortality would go on. Maybe it is simple societal conditioning? Maybe it's a fear of ones body being screwed up and not remaining the young, teen-age body that so many of us idolize (like muladoll mentioned.) Maybe it is the decline of religion so people feel they need to gain immortality through themselves? (And for the record I am atheist or pantheist depending on who you ask.)

Sorry if my post makes no sense or constitutes as a thread hi-jack. I havn't had much sleep due to final exams.

Electrum
04-25-2008, 09:14 AM
I never wanted any. I felt kids were a pain in the ass and just plain annoying. Who the hell has that kind of patience.?

I got pregnant under the best and most diligent birth control methods. I thought dad was an inconsiderate asshole, and I was most certainly was not ready to have some kid.

I now have the most most beautiful, smartest, and wisest boy. OK "yes" it's my opinion, but I can't deny that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He helped me grow up immediately. No "diddle daddle", no "when the time is right", no, "when I find the right man", etc., bullshit excuses. He happened without my need/wanting and he is my Prince. He's taught me so many things about who I am and what is important. If it wasn't for him, I would have never been ready to be who I am today and have the drive that he gives me simply for being alive.

I'm not promoting random pregnancy, but if it occurs under the most careful of preventive circumstances, and you have a slight feeling of hope, go for it! My Prince has actually made me feel yonger, happier, more optimistic, and more driven.

There are no stretch marks and there was no sagging because I took preventative measures. Mind you, I was almost 30 years old when I got pregnant. My body actually became sexier and curvier, except for the slight increase in waist size. So becoming a frumpy dumpy mommy, getting fat, stretch marked, and dependant on some guy are just lies unless you belive in them.

The time may never be right, but do you think it ever really will feel like it is?

Believe it or not, the elasticity of your skin is hereditary. My dad had BAD stretchmarks from being fat, and I got them BAD when I doubled in size (not literally but you know) my first pregnancy. The best indicator as to whether or not you'll get them is looking at the rest of your family. Sure, some products claim to improve your skins elasticity, but if your skin is just destined to get completely fucked, there's really no stopping it unfortunately. (It is also more prevalent, obviously, on fair skin types and people that scar really easily.)

jaizaine
04-27-2008, 08:20 AM
i dislike babies. like i have a really strong intense disliking for babies. especially newborns. the other day i was watching this show and it showed people giving birth and when they put those squishy bloody tiny little people in the mothers arms i actually felt ill and couldn't watch it because the thought of childbirth and babies is so unappealing to me. i've never once looked at a baby and thought it was cute. i just do not like babies at all.

i think that is a pretty damn good sign that i should never procreate, and i have no desire whatsoever to have any kind of major responsibility over another life. i'm a lazy, irresponsible, flippant and impulsive person, and i should never inflict that on other people. i'd be such a shit mother haha.

i'd be happy living in a house with a thousand cats but there is not one maternal bone in my body.

I have felt that strong feeling when a friend has told me they are pregnant. I thought it was a bad thing and had trouble seeing it as a good thing. But I actually don't dislike babies I have realised. I prefer them over kids. But I dont like the crying or screaming. But kids I do feel that intense dislike except on occasion and towards my god son I adore him.

Mia M
04-27-2008, 08:48 AM
I'll probably get roasted for this, but here it goes... I have an intese fear of breastfeeding... creeps me the fuck out. I seriously have to try really hard not to look horrified when I see a woman breastfeeding. I've learned to remain calm when they throw a blanket over themselves, but open and public breastfeeding makes me literally gag. I know it's weird, and I know it's my problem, but I get horribly uncomfortable witnessing the act- actually having to do it is something I cannot even begin to fathom. Today, it seems like the only option people want you to consider is breastfeeding- considering bottle feeding automatically makes you an ignorant, shitty parent...

which leads me to my other child rearing related hatred, other parents. I've noticed 80% of them are constantly judging every other parent they see. It's like having a kid gives others liscence to disect and critisize everything you do.

Lysondra
04-27-2008, 09:00 AM
I'll probably get roasted for this, but here it goes... I have an intese fear of breastfeeding... creeps me the fuck out. I seriously have to try really hard not to look horrified when I see a woman breastfeeding. I've learned to remain calm when they throw a blanket over themselves, but open and public breastfeeding makes me literally gag. I know it's weird, and I know it's my problem, but I get horribly uncomfortable witnessing the act- actually having to do it is something I cannot even begin to fathom. Today, it seems like the only option people want you to consider is breastfeeding- considering bottle feeding automatically makes you an ignorant, shitty parent...

which leads me to my other child rearing related hatred, other parents. I've noticed 80% of them are constantly judging every other parent they see. It's like having a kid gives others liscence to disect and critisize everything you do.

Oh god, >:( This shit pisses me off to no end. And it's like almost every single other parent does it. It's gotta suck every day having every single one of your parenting choices criticized. There's no perfect way to raise a baby. There's no cureall for every situation. Being scrutinized for every decision I make by every other parent will just do me in until I commit suicide because I'm never good enough for anyone else.

pookie
04-27-2008, 09:03 AM
i dislike babies. like i have a really strong intense disliking for babies. especially newborns. the other day i was watching this show and it showed people giving birth and when they put those squishy bloody tiny little people in the mothers arms i actually felt ill and couldn't watch it because the thought of childbirth and babies is so unappealing to me. i've never once looked at a baby and thought it was cute. i just do not like babies at all.

I cant stand babies either. When they are around i just want to leave. They annoy the crap out of me. I dont think they are cute and i think they are just plan disgusting when the eat. I dont think babies are even remotely attractive. I cant figure out what is cute about them. I honestly have not clue about it i want kids. My bf does, but not till marriage and financially stable. I dont want to raise somebody for 18 years. Why cant men get pregnant? I dont want to be pregnant or deal with stuff that pregnancy causes. If i did have kinds i would prolly want to adopt them. And not adopt babies. Cuts downs on a few years of raising and some headaches.
I like kids but i cant stand babies. I get pissed when they scream and cry when I am near by. I have no sympathy.

But i love animals. Baby animals and adult animals

jaizaine
04-27-2008, 09:07 AM
^^
yeh I feel grossed out when I see them eat and they have food all over their face. People laugh and think it's cute too.

The thought of being pregnant simply horrifies me. i don't think i could cope with it at all.

Babies are very demanding. That's part of what annoys me about them which I realise doesn't make sense in a way but they just demand constantly and are entirely driven by the ID and want their demands met immediately. Doesn't appeal to me.

I love all animals too.

AlexxaHex
04-27-2008, 09:08 AM
^Ya know I used to be like that too when I was a bit younger. The sound of kids crying used to make me cringe (hell, it still does sometimes). I was sort of scared of children I think. Maybe I wasn't ready for the incredible responsibility. I'm not saying that you'll change your mind like I did. I have no idea. But I did feel that way at one time. Now I love MY kid and a few others but I don't have to want ALL kids around me. Some of them are so bratty I can't stand it. I feel sad when Kembra cries. Maybe that's a hormonal/instinctual thing.

Lysondra
04-27-2008, 09:08 AM
I cant stand babies either. When they are around i just want to leave. They annoy the crap out of me. I dont think they are cute and i think they are just plan disgusting when the eat. I dont think babies are even remotely attractive. I cant figure out what is cute about them. I honestly have not clue about it i want kids. My bf does, but not till marriage and financially stable. I dont want to raise somebody for 18 years. Why cant men get pregnant? I dont want to be pregnant or deal with stuff that pregnancy causes. If i did have kinds i would prolly want to adopt them. And not adopt babies. Cuts downs on a few years of raising and some headaches.
I like kids but i cant stand babies. I get pissed when they scream and cry when I am near by. I have no sympathy.

But i love animals. Baby animals and adult animals

I used to wonder if I was the only one that felt that way. If I decided to have kids I'd definitely adopt a much older child (seeing as I can't conceive anyway, adoption is my only option). I'd like a 4-6 year old. 6 better, than it can go to school. And I can be happy it learns things and revel in how smart it is. :P

pookie
04-27-2008, 09:15 AM
^^^^ Exactly. And if i adopt kids i will prolly try to adopt their siblings or adopt all the kids i will want a once. Not need to go through the process more than necessary

Darcy Foxx
04-27-2008, 09:21 AM
I cant stand babies either. When they are around i just want to leave. They annoy the crap out of me. I dont think they are cute and i think they are just plan disgusting when the eat. I dont think babies are even remotely attractive. I cant figure out what is cute about them. I honestly have not clue about it i want kids. My bf does, but not till marriage and financially stable. I dont want to raise somebody for 18 years. Why cant men get pregnant? I dont want to be pregnant or deal with stuff that pregnancy causes. If i did have kinds i would prolly want to adopt them. And not adopt babies. Cuts downs on a few years of raising and some headaches.
I like kids but i cant stand babies. I get pissed when they scream and cry when I am near by. I have no sympathy.

But i love animals. Baby animals and adult animals

yeah me too. i've never once looked at someone's baby and gone "oh it's cute". there is nothing cute about a small person that shits and vomits and cries all the time. at least my cat knows to shit in the litter tray. i get more excited about people getting a new dog or a new car than i do about people having a baby.

all these things just say to me that i should never reproduce. i figure that's a good thing though. at least i'm aware of how much i dislike kids and how much of a terrible parent i would be, unlike all the young girls who are terrible parents but have kids anyway.

pookie
04-27-2008, 09:27 AM
yeah me too. i've never once looked at someone's baby and gone "oh it's cute". there is nothing cute about a small person that shits and vomits and cries all the time. at least my cat knows to shit in the litter tray. i get more excited about people getting a new dog or a new car than i do about people having a baby.

all these things just say to me that i should never reproduce. i figure that's a good thing though. at least i'm aware of how much i dislike kids and how much of a terrible parent i would be, unlike all the young girls who are terrible parents but have kids anyway.

lol!!! So true!!! I see so many relationships go to shit once a baby pops out. Parents usually give all of their effort and time to the kid and not their partner. Thats not the kind of life or relationship i want to have.
I also think pets and other things are far more exciting than babies. Babies usually tend to bring doom and put a stop on any type of life or career goals.

Darcy Foxx
04-27-2008, 09:33 AM
yup. and i don't really have to take my cats into consideration when i want to have a crazy drunken night out on the town, nor do i have to worry about how my bad language and idiotic behaviour might negatively influence them.

Lexi
04-27-2008, 09:46 AM
Not me. I love babies and think they are so beautiful and innocent. They rely on your to nurture them, love them, and feed them. I think babies (especially) are just perfect and make life sweeter. Once they grow into adults, thats when they become either a good person or a shitty person.

Its not babies that I dislike. Its adults.

head turner
04-27-2008, 10:54 AM
I want at least one child but if my life doesn't go in that direction then i am ok with that.


I want to make sure everything is right before i bring another life into this world, if i do. I want to be able to take care of a child properly and have enough time for them and also NEVER let them struggle financially. I know it is a crazy thing to say because struggling builds character and what not but if they are my kids they will undoubtfully have character.

Sunshine73
04-27-2008, 02:48 PM
OMG I love babies. Not just human babies...baby kittens and puppies and bunnies.


Its not babies that I dislike. Its adults.

LOL at this statement! Sometimes I feel the same way! Adults seem to have too many hidden agendas at times.

Andygirl
04-27-2008, 02:51 PM
When I look at certain male children all I can see is the bumbling idiot adult man they will become. Is that bad? lol

Mastridonicus
04-27-2008, 02:55 PM
It's sick. She's not even 20 days old and I couldn't imagine life without her or the perfection that birthed her.

Sunshine73
04-27-2008, 02:56 PM
^^ Yes. Once you have a kid, you can't imagine life without them.

Lexi
04-27-2008, 03:14 PM
OMG I love babies. Not just human babies...baby kittens and puppies and bunnies.



LOL at this statement! Sometimes I feel the same way! Adults seem to have too many hidden agendas at times.


Seriously!! lol I know some people think babies are ugly, or yucky... but they are not cruel, they dont harbor ill feelings. They are just innocent.

But adults? Omg. They "teach" kids to be prejudiced, racist, etc. Kids, on their own, do not see color as something that seperates them.
They only learn that by their parents, or other adults. :(



When I look at certain male children all I can see is the bumbling idiot adult man they will become. Is that bad? lol

Awww! Thats awful but made me lol. But its not the poor little baby. Its when they grow up into adults that I cant deal with them. LOL

Lexi
04-27-2008, 03:17 PM
It's sick. She's not even 20 days old and I couldn't imagine life without her or the perfection that birthed her.



That is so sweet. :)

RoseLeigh
04-27-2008, 03:25 PM
And be someone like my mother? Won't take the chance.

QFT! I only had one brother but I was basically the mom of the house, so my mother could be my bitter, confused, dependent 'friend'. No thanks. I'd love to have a kid, in theory, but I'd consider it a doll. Maybe when I am finished with school and more settled in life I'll have one or adopt. If I have a better POV.

Electrum
04-27-2008, 03:31 PM
Before I had my first child I was also under the impression that babies are all ugly, annoying, stinky things that are useless. (Ok, in some ways I still do believe these things, but not about my little angels of course lol.) I hadn't even changed a diaper before I popped out my first little girl. Then boy did my life change. A lot of things were fucked up for awhile but the experience has, overall, definitely made me a better person. I don't regret a thing! (Unless I'm sleep deprived and have three tests to do the next day and all the baby wants to do is nurse.) <--- hahaha joking kinda :P