View Full Version : I think i am done Breastfeeding
Electrum
04-27-2008, 01:59 PM
God, poor PV, I can't imagine that she thought this is what would happen if she mentioned she wanted to stop breastfeeding. Ftr, I think it's bullshit for people who have NEVER breastfed to preach about how it is taking the easy way out to give your baby a bottle. Until you have been through it and know how hard (and sometimes undesirable) it is, then you just don't get it.
Give PV a break and support her no matter what she decides. And drop the sanctimonious tone to your (not one person in particular, just overall) advice.
If she's ever started a conversation about breastfeeding before, I'm sure she knows this type of shit can happen lol. I swear, some of the most crazy arguments I've heard are about feeding babies. I knew this thread was headed for disaster, but only because some people cannot separate advice from personal attack. Of course I'm not pointing the finger, but advice is just that; advice! No need to take it personally or get defensive ;)
Andygirl
04-27-2008, 02:22 PM
No need to take it personally or get defensive ;)
I think it would be pretty hard not to take it personally when people are implying that you are lazy or you don't have your child's best interest at heart. I'll never ever post a thread where I tell anything about how I parent. I just don't need the attitudes that go along with the advice. And I have a low tolerance for judgmental know-it-alls.
Sunshine73
04-27-2008, 02:25 PM
Yes. Breastfeeding always turns out to be a heated discussion it seems.
PV, I know you are trying to do your best. I know you want to do the best you can by your child, and that is the important thing.
Electrum
04-27-2008, 02:27 PM
I think it would be pretty hard not to take it personally when people are implying that you are lazy or you don't have your child's best interest at heart. I'll never ever post a thread where I tell anything about how I parent. I just don't need the attitudes that go along with the advice. And I have a low tolerance for judgmental know-it-alls.
Oh, I guess I didn't catch that? I just started skimming some of the messages. I certainly would be offended if someone called me, or any mother, lazy or self centered because of the way we choose to feed our babies. I would go on but I'm sure you understand ;) It's kinda rediculous how controversial bottle feeding vs. breast is...
Sunshine73
04-27-2008, 02:33 PM
I'll never ever post a thread where I tell anything about how I parent. I just don't need the attitudes that go along with the advice. And I have a low tolerance for judgmental know-it-alls.
It's sad that people come here for support, but feel less inclined to ASK for help for this very reason.
phillyvixen
04-27-2008, 04:03 PM
I have a lot to say about where this thread has gone but I don't have time to do so now. I will say I appreciate those of you who took the high road and gave me encouragement and support. I will also say I am somewhat shocked and offended by some of you and it saddens me how judgemental and vicious this site has become. I must say now that lola rose I really feel like you were out of line, I voted in your poll that I like you because I do but I think what you wrote in this thread was insensitve and unkind. Exspecially since you have never been in my situation. I came for support and got some but I probably won't be asking for more in the future. More to come later typing on my iPhone.
phillyvixen
04-27-2008, 04:44 PM
I forgot to add that we are breastfeeding and supplimenting with formula for now
Hatshepsut
04-27-2008, 05:05 PM
PV, choose what is best for you. Breastfeeding, with all its benefits, isn't worth much if it's not working out. I wish you luck. I have a friend who was also bombarded with rude, backseat judgments despite the fact that it obviously wasn't working out. You're not alone. Too many "lactavists" lose sight that they are not the ones raising the kids and become as rude and annoying as PETA and biblethumpers. Every woman has a different situation, abilities, and tolerance. Suffering is not noble, especially if it risks the mothers' and children's health and sanity.
I have done rotations in OBGYN, and I've seen many things that I personally didn't agree with, but as long as it wasn't harmful, I kept my mouth shut. For example, I didn't like the fact that so many women are getting elective C-sections simply becuase of cosmetic reasons or that they don't want to sit around waiting for contractions. However, I'm not the one passing out a watermelon or raising the kid for 18 years, so I'll keep my mouth shut and work with it.
Lola Rose, despite your disclaimers, your accusations of bottle feeding being the easy way out are quite rude and judgmental an dis a perfect example of backseat driving. Alexxa, I'm disappointed with you because I remember how you were having extreme difficulties breastfeeding and bottlefed for awhile, yet are passing the "There is no excuse for not breastfeeding, and you're shafting your poor little girl becuase you're refusing to do the right thing" onto PV.
Offering unsolicited advice with your personal judgments is rude. The correct way to do it is tell the person that you are here for them. If the person asks for advice, go right on ahead. If not, let it go and go back to your own kid. It's as simple as that. Again, you are not raising the kid.
AlexxaHex
04-27-2008, 06:25 PM
PV, choose what is best for you. Breastfeeding, with all its benefits, isn't worth much if it's not working out. I wish you luck. I have a friend who was also bombarded with rude, backseat judgments despite the fact that it obviously wasn't working out. You're not alone. Too many "lactavists" lose sight that they are not the ones raising the kids and become as rude and annoying as PETA and biblethumpers. Every woman has a different situation, abilities, and tolerance. Suffering is not noble, especially if it risks the mothers' and children's health and sanity.
I have done rotations in OBGYN, and I've seen many things that I personally didn't agree with, but as long as it wasn't harmful, I kept my mouth shut. For example, I didn't like the fact that so many women are getting elective C-sections simply becuase of cosmetic reasons or that they don't want to sit around waiting for contractions. However, I'm not the one passing out a watermelon or raising the kid for 18 years, so I'll keep my mouth shut and work with it.
Lola Rose, despite your disclaimers, your accusations of bottle feeding being the easy way out are quite rude and judgmental an dis a perfect example of backseat driving. Alexxa, I'm disappointed with you because I remember how you were having extreme difficulties breastfeeding and bottlefed for awhile, yet are passing the "There is no excuse for not breastfeeding, and you're shafting your poor little girl becuase you're refusing to do the right thing" onto PV.
Offering unsolicited advice with your personal judgments is rude. The correct way to do it is tell the person that you are here for them. If the person asks for advice, go right on ahead. If not, let it go and go back to your own kid. It's as simple as that. Again, you are not raising the kid.
No, you are putting words in my mouth. It's also not unsolicited advice. I refuse to believe that anything I've said is rude because I am saying it out of caring for her daughter and her situation. I have BEEN in her situation and beyond and the end product of what she is choosing is an ugly one. I am saying what I've said to HELP her not go down this path of regret and loss. No one is discussing the emotional aspects of what will happen with weaning too early, but I am painfully aware of what this will do to her and Layla. It is not anything I'd wish on my worst enemy.
I stated that she HAS THE OPTION to still breastfeed, and I gave my honest suggestions about what she should do. I refuse to feel guilty, or be painted as a NAZI because I have said what I've said out of love for a child. You can all say "I turned out okay because my mom stuck an artificial nipple in my mouth and refused me the contact I need naturally", but you know what? That's a shitty argument, and there is no reason why I should co-sign a less than good decision. I for one refuse to give another mom bad advice.
MissTaylor
04-27-2008, 07:39 PM
Alexxa wasn't being rude at all. She was giving advice because she has been EXACTLY where PV is. She KNOWS from having the same situation placed before her in the past. Her words weren't rude... they were pleading and encouraging at the same time.
I don't have children but because I remember Alexxa going through the same situation, she would be the number 1 person I would go to for advice.
LoveSexMoney
04-27-2008, 08:05 PM
I have been in the exact situation as well. BF my first for 6 months, BF my second for 2 weeks. So it certainly wasn't like I was some novice. But weaning my 2 week old baby from the boob and putting her on the bottle was the best decision for us and 12 years later I still have no regrets.
VegasPrincess
04-27-2008, 08:05 PM
what the hell you guys? I think it's a bit out there to say that people are basically horrible parents abusing their kids by bottle feeding them?? So insensitive!!
I personally know my mom didn't want to breast feed me, because it made her feel gross. Who cares? She's the best mom I could ever ask for. Also, I have never been (thank God) seriously ill, I have no allergies to anything (except cats lol) and great genes all around...
Darcy Foxx
04-27-2008, 08:11 PM
i was never breast fed (i think due to severe lactose intolerance as a kid) and i hardly ever get sick. i'm not exactly a pinnacle of mental health but i doubt that's due to being bottle fed and more to outside factors but whatever.
Lysondra
04-27-2008, 09:24 PM
I talked to my mum about this thread and it turns out she dried up around around 3 months and started formula feeding me for the same exact reasons as the OP.
I currently have no health problems, no food allergies to speak of and only one or two small regular allergies.
However. I did grow up to be a stripper.
MissTaylor
04-27-2008, 09:35 PM
I wasn't saying anyone was a novice, LSM... I was simply stating that Alexxa had valid advice as to where some people, who don't have children, probably don't know as much about the importance and difficulties of breast feeding.
VegasPrincess
04-27-2008, 09:37 PM
However. I did grow up to be a stripper.
Oh shit.....That's right, me too!!!
I guess we should have been breast fed!
krchab99
04-27-2008, 09:43 PM
^^^haha to funny :) I was forumla fed to you might be on to something lol
LoveSexMoney
04-27-2008, 09:47 PM
I wasn't saying anyone was a novice, LSM... I was simply stating that Alexxa had valid advice as to where some people, who don't have children, probably don't know as much about the importance and difficulties of breast feeding.
oh no. I wasn't saying that you were saying anyone was a novice /:O ;D Only that I too have been there more than once.
Peanut_Butter
04-27-2008, 09:49 PM
Oh shit.....That's right, me too!!!
I guess we should have been breast fed!
haha, that wont help. I was breat fed till I was 2 years old..and I grew up to be a stripper to, lol.
BalletBaby
04-27-2008, 09:52 PM
I'm not a mother and know nothing about breastfeeding so I can't give advice, but philly, I just wanted to give you a :hug:. Do what works for you and your baby.
VegasPrincess
04-27-2008, 09:57 PM
^^^haha to funny :) I was forumla fed to you might be on to something lol
Ahaha!!! I'm calling my mom to yell at her about turning me into such a ho! Thanks, mom........
haha, that wont help. I was breat fed till I was 2 years old..and I grew up to be a stripper to, lol.
Oh. Nevermind.... guess it didn't contribute to my deliquency....hehehehe
Sunshine73
04-28-2008, 12:05 AM
You know it sucks how women are judged so harshly on how they choose to feed their child. First you have to breastfeed, then it seems that people get grossed out/ annoyed when your bf in public (even if the kid is under a blankie), then if you bf your kid until they are older it's looked down upon...it's like, people, if the mom is following her instincts and doing what is best for her child, then let her be! Sheesh!
VenusGoddess
04-28-2008, 06:50 AM
I didn't read through this whole thread, so I apologize if I re-re-repeat anything anyone has already said.
With that said, there are a lot of factors that can cause discomfort with breastfeeding and I think that it needs to be noted so you can find someone to help you correct those problems.
First and foremost...a baby who is not latching properly will not extract as much milk as a baby who is latched properly. A baby who screams/fusses when nursing may also be the result of OALD (over-active let down). For infants (especially newborns) it's very hard for them to gulp that fast when they are nursing. It's nothing you can correct, but know there are some "tricks" to helping baby get past it. They will naturally gravitate to that breast as they get older and more effective at dealing with OALD (I have it and both of my kids avoided my right boob like the plague until they were older...then it was the first one they went for).
The other thing that really affects breastfeeding is state of mind. If you are stressing out, you will decrease your milk supply, which causes you to become more stressed out, which drops the supply more, etc, etc, etc. Mother's milk is controlled by how much baby is nursing. If you had a "ton" of milk just after she was born and noticed that it's not the case anymore, you can rest assured that, in most cases, it's simply your body saying, "Baby only needs x amount of milk." It can seem like you lost your supply because your breasts do not feel as full, but in reality, it's just your body adjusting to the supply/demand of the baby's feeding needs.
Giving a baby a bottle after breastfeeding is not indicitive of how hungry the baby is. Babies naturally will suck on anything that is put in their mouths. So whether that is a bottle or pacifier, they will suck.
Giving the baby a bottle at this stage will most likely not cause nipple confusion. But, it may cause your supply to drop faster. However, at the same time, if you choose to breastfeed your baby all night long, but not during the day...you will lose your supply during the day, but not at night. It's the whole supply/demand thing going. However, if you nurse for 5 minutes all the time and then give a bottle, you will lose your supply no matter what because you (your baby) is telling the breasts the milk is not needed.
If you need to increase your supply, I would strongly advise you drinking mother's milk tea (it tastes like licorice and when I had to drink it, I needed to add 2 tbsp of Agave nectar to it and slam it down...but it works), upping your water intake (so every time you sit down to nurse, you have a full, large bottle of water with you), and learn about block feeding and breast compressions. I would also strongly advise you find a La Leche League Leader in your area. Going to LLL groups with Makayla really helped me through a lot of issues that probably would have made me given up had I not had the support of other breastfeeding moms.
I won't give a judgement about formula feeding vs. breastfeeding, but I will say that you should really do some research about it. Talk to your local LLL leader and get some tips on breastfeeding.
I had to supplement feed my son after I became pregnant, again. I lost my supply at around the time he turned 11 months. I didn't use formula, but he was eating solids like a champ and we gave him coconut water and oat milk. He still nurses several times a day...and hopefully he'll keep nursing after the new baby is here (will really help with the fact my boobs like to make enough milk to feed a small starving nation even though I only give birth to one child...LOL).
This is a big decision for you and there are a lot of alternatives (formula being one) to help you achieve the connection with your child that you desire.
Another thing that helps is running a warm bath (warm enough for you and cool enough for baby) and getting into the bath with baby and just relaxing. You'll notice that she will automatically start rooting and want to nurse. Just go with the flow and that may help relieve some of the discomfort/tension/etc that you seem to be having.
I wish you lots of luck and please do not hesitate to PM me/email me if you have any questions.
:hug:
VG
beauty21queen
04-28-2008, 01:22 PM
Well I say do what is best for you and baby. I was bottle-fed and so was my daughter . I really dont see a big diffrence between someone who was breastfed and someone who was bottle-fed . I don't get sick often and neighter does my daughter. Also I didn't breastfeed because I didn't want to and I dont think that makes me a "lazy" mother.
phillyvixen
04-28-2008, 02:46 PM
Im still not at my computer but I have read it from my phone. I waNt to say that prior to writing this post I talked to my lactation consultant and LLL to get advice. I am eating really good now and trying to stay hydrated. We have nursed twice today with success.
Lola Rose
04-28-2008, 02:51 PM
Im still not at my computer but I have read it from my phone. I waNt to say that prior to writing this post I talked to my lactation consultant and LLL to get advice. I am eating really good now and trying to stay hydrated. We have nursed twice today with success.
Good for you! I do want you to know I think you're a great mommy, and I'm sorry if what I wrote upset you. I hope you got my pm.
Flick6
04-28-2008, 03:32 PM
Yay and best of luck xxx
Im still not at my computer but I have read it from my phone. I waNt to say that prior to writing this post I talked to my lactation consultant and LLL to get advice. I am eating really good now and trying to stay hydrated. We have nursed twice today with success.
AlexxaHex
04-28-2008, 06:02 PM
Im still not at my computer but I have read it from my phone. I waNt to say that prior to writing this post I talked to my lactation consultant and LLL to get advice. I am eating really good now and trying to stay hydrated. We have nursed twice today with success.
I'm really happy to hear this - happy for both of you. I also want to apologize if I came off too harsh but I have just been through this same thing and it brought up a lot of bad memories for me. The feelings are intense and I get scared that other mom-friends I have might have to experience the same thing. People think of the issues that weaning has on the baby, but not so much on the mother. I wanted you to be aware of that. Anyway I wish you the best. That's all really.
Oh and I heard that Eric Clapton song, "Layla" on the radio yesterday by coincidence and it made me think about you guys and this whole thing. I don't really pray in a religious sense but I did send you both some good energy. I felt it was really an appropriate time to do it.
:hug:
austinatalie
04-29-2008, 01:07 AM
Philly, I wish only the best for you.
I think that AH has some really good advice in this thread, and I think that there are also some people in this thread that have no place to be giving advice.
So whatever happens, good luck!
I think you're cool no matter how you feed your baby.
Perry
04-29-2008, 06:40 AM
Mother knows best.
PV - Whatever you decide, you're right. :)
Before you quit for good (if it's not already too late and it's probably not) try looking at http://kellymom.com/ and http://www.americanpregnancy.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=42. The first has some great articles on increasing your supply and the second is a forum with some great ladies and some great advice.
Also ask your doc about Reglan. I just started taking it last week when my supply died off almost completely (I was only getting 5-6 drops out of a half hour of pumping) and it's worked like a charm.
Hope this helps!
RC
VenusGoddess
05-03-2008, 03:16 PM
^ Just be careful of the Reglan...one of the side effects is depression. So, if you do go that route, just be sure to be very aware of your emotional state.
Sophia_Ashley
05-03-2008, 05:00 PM
In my opinion, I'd rather see a full bottle fed child than a hungry breastfed child.
Ditto. I never breastfed my children. We never had any major illnesses or even any minor ones. No ear infections I can recall...Nothing. Happy adjusted kids ..even now :) They never grew a third eye or have a limb fall off from similac either.
You tried and obviously at this point she's hungry as you stated. It's better for her to be fed.
phillyvixen
05-04-2008, 08:27 AM
Thanks again to everyone who was supportive. Even the posters i thought were harsh and judgmental now in hind site i know that was just your way of being supportive and i appreciate the time you all took to respond to my post.
When i was upset about some of the things i read, i ran to my husband sad and he told me thats what i get for asking people for advice. I guess he is right, how i feed my baby is our business and i shouldn't need help deciding what is best for her.
We are all doing well
thanks again
RoseWhite
05-04-2008, 10:28 AM
Very glad to hear you all are doing well. http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug2.gif