View Full Version : Why do outside friends feel entitled to strippers money?!
AznExtasy
04-29-2008, 10:16 AM
You are my new SW friend, whether you like it or not!!
And why on earth would you feel bad for letting a man pay EVER? Particularly if you are sleeping with/going to sleep with him/or even make him look like the boss. When I go out with a man, I get done up. I wear a beautiful dress (always a dress, as I am a southern girl), my fuck-me heels, my hair is done, my makeup is flawless. I want to make sure that when we walk in a room, people look at me and say, "Damn!!" and people look at him and say, "He must the muthafuckin' man to get with that bitch!" I believe in stroking a man's ego and making him feel like a king, so why the hell WOULDN'T I be compensated for that? Most chicks do not put that type of effort into looking fabulous, so a guy should be so lucky to enjoy my presence and the impress it leaves upon others. Dude is gonna be buying more than dinner anyway.
Just my $0.02
Yay :grouphug: I'm glad some of you out there feel the same, letting a man play his part is just the right thing to do. I am the same way when I go out, always looking like a dyme. And my dude is gonna cover everything for the night; gas, dinner, movies, valet, shopping, etc. It shouldn't even be a question, it just happens. If I saw a couple and knew the pretty young lady would have to cover herself at dinner, then I would seriously wonder what kind of man that is. Those who put women through that should be very ashamed of themselves.
Wake up and realize you guys are worth wayy more than that! Even if he does pay for dinner, that's just the tip of the iceberg. There are real men out there who take pleasure in showing their appreciation for beautiful women by spoiling them with money and expensive gifts. Get with one of these and cut the cheap jerks out of your contact list.
Susan Wayward
04-29-2008, 12:28 PM
I believe in stroking a man's ego and making him feel like a king, so why the hell WOULDN'T I be compensated for that?
Hmm. Interesting, and I suspect not uncommon, perspective. I have to admit to never wanting to be in the situation where I felt I need to be compensated for dating someone. I have and have had a strong preference for dating people whose company I enjoy regardless of what they buy -- it's just that money issues can be a way of revealing nasty attitudes and behaviors that would come up eventually.
Unless it's a straight-up SD situation, there's no way having things paid for would be a deciding factor in going out with someone for me. That just sounds like work, and work that isn't necessarily as well compensated as actually going to damn work.
But disregard that if you're actually talking about "professional" (sugar daddy, not, you know, per hour) dating where there's a clear exchange.
TamiJones
04-29-2008, 01:15 PM
I bartend, and I learned a long time ago to make sure I never tell anyone how much money I make EVER.. Cuz then that always comes up, even with my female friends.. And I'll be damned if I'm spending my own money, even if its on me :/
Sarah Andi
04-29-2008, 03:11 PM
I am worth way more than a dinner. Ha!
I'm worth dignity, respect, and full recognition of my humanity.
And that means I'm allowed to pay, and no man I ever date will expect to always have to pay for everything. Gender role pigeon-holing is bullshit.
A relationship is an equal partnership. No one should be making money demands on their partner, or expecting to have their partner spend/mootch.
misslizzy
04-29-2008, 03:29 PM
... I honestly don't like people paying for my stuff. Hence why my parents don't pay for my college anymore. I don't like feeling like I owe something.
I like my bf just fine. When we go on dates he'll frequently offer but I rarely let him. We almost always go dutch , or something like "you get the food, I'll get the movie"
While someone older than me could provide for me I would in almost every case have a very hard time actually having feelings for him. I don't see a sugar daddy and a boyfriend as the same thing.
Amen! I'm glad to see I'm not alone. I work two jobs so I can pay my own way through life, and not feel beholden to anyone else. I don't want dating anyone to feel like working. Also, in my extended social scene, there are a lot of people who already think pretty nasty things of me for being a stripper. I don't need to give them anything that even looks like the suggestion that I'm a gold digger.
needtodance, screw that guy. Figuratively, that is. Going dutch is fine. Him mentioning that he's broke and suggesting eating in would have been fine. Even joking that you should pay because you made money is not.
My close friends know that I have no problem being the loan bank if they need it and I have it; hell, as long as they have it, I'm not spending it, and when they pay it back its like free money for me! But they all also know not to ever count on it, because my own bills come first. And if any of them ever gave me that sort o attitude about it, or if I started suspecting that someone was only hanging around me for it, they'd be gone in a second.
sashabunny
04-29-2008, 07:45 PM
.....
Laylalust
04-29-2008, 08:02 PM
All of the bad relations I've have were all with young guys. They just suck at everything, period. No money, no stable job, no ambition, no experience, no knowledge of anything. But they have the huge ego regardless and think they're some hot shit.
In the older crowd, you have less chance of all that bs. They usually have enough life experience to know what women want by then and what it takes to make them happy. And they generally have the means to take care of you. You will never have to worry about some trivial shit such as paying for your own dinner. If you're looking to get laid, why not be with somebody who will show that they appreciate you and spoil you instead of just giving it away to some insensitive jerk who feels entitled to your pussy for buying you a meal?
The older, rich gentleman is the way to go.
So. Fucking. True. :highfive:
I dated a 40-year-old when I was 18-19. He was infatuated with me and dropped so much money on me, buying me gifts, food, paying my bills, taking me on trips to Hawaii and Puerto Rico--basically making my life as comfortable and enjoyable as he possibly could. And he was kind and fun to be with as well.
Since him I have dated guys in their twenties and they have caused me mostly misery, anxiety, and exasperation because they just can't reach the standard set by my old sugar daddy. And not just because they can't pay for things like he did--they just don't treat me with the same respect. I don't have the patience for their learning curve.
Elusive21
04-29-2008, 08:35 PM
Since him I have dated guys in their twenties and they have caused me mostly misery, anxiety, and exasperation because they just can't reach the standard set by my old sugar daddy. And not just because they can't pay for things like he did--they just don't treat me with the same respect. I don't have the patience for their learning curve.
Although I do agree that most guys in their 20's aren't worth your time, not all of them are like that. When I met my husband he was 21, but he still showed me the utmost respect, took me out on dates, bought me jewelry and flowers, and took me on various trips for which he paid for and ultimately convinced me that he was the one so not all young guys are broke cheapasses.
sashabunny
04-29-2008, 09:38 PM
.....
Miss Jessica
04-29-2008, 10:43 PM
Always keep your earnings on the downlow. I know that being a stripper, of course you want people to know that you make great money (because duh, that's the point). But it's none of their business to know how much. It took me years to learn that one. Anyways having a air of mystery surrounding your wealth is always fun! ;)
AznExtasy
04-30-2008, 12:21 AM
When I still dated younger idiots, I dated them because I thought were attractive, or "hot". I was so naive then. Yes, there are young guys in their twenties who have manners and will make attempts at providing for you. But I, for one, am not gonna go through the agony of weeding them out from the vast majority of lowlife cheapasses. An older man is still way better because men take many years longer to mature. He would've gotten much of the crazyness out of his system by then, already have a net worth of a few million and no wife to spend it on. Maybe he's even got a divorce or two under his belt, at least that gives him the insight on what women are like and what they want.
A sugardaddy is not for everyone. But my reason for having one is not because I desperately need the money and can't support myself. That would be the wrong reason, it should never be a last resort. I don't really need the money and gifts in the first place. And on top of that, I really don't need a man either. But if a man wants to be in my life, that's what he will have to do.
Forget ugly looks, a small dick, or whatever. A cheap man truly is the worst type of man out there.
AznExtasy
04-30-2008, 12:29 AM
I am worth way more than a dinner. Ha!
I'm worth dignity, respect, and full recognition of my humanity.
And that means I'm allowed to pay, and no man I ever date will expect to always have to pay for everything. Gender role pigeon-holing is bullshit.
A relationship is an equal partnership. No one should be making money demands on their partner, or expecting to have their partner spend/mootch.
If you are a dancer, do you think that when you put on your shoes and makeup for work every night? Genders are different, but that doesn't mean one is better than the other. They are just DIFFERENT. Just because a guy pays for you, that does not mean you are somehow less than him or he's not fully recognizing your humanity and giving you respect. We all have the ability to pay for what we want, letting a man do it does not make you demanding or a mooch.
I knew a girl who hated the gender role stuff and would actually get mad if a guy held open a door for her. That, to me, is bullshit.
jessica_rabbit
04-30-2008, 01:08 AM
Here's my theory. Personally, I couldn't care less about who pays for a date. But no matter what I'd like to think, I know HE cares (whoever HE may be). A man needs to feel like a MAN, and a big part of this is paying for dinner. If we go dutch or I pay then I'm basically emasculating him and this sets the wrong tone for the whole relationship. I might think it sets the tone for an equal partnership free of stereotypical gender roles, but that's not really the case. It just sets the stage for a man to disrespect and take advantage of you. It may sound old-fashioned, but I truly believe that a man needs to feel like the pursuer. He needs to feel strong and capable and worthy. And you need to show him that you expect nothing but the best from him early on.
I think a lot of women think that if they pay their way in the beginning, this will somehow send the message to a mate that they expect equality in all aspects of the relationship. But men are pretty single minded. I highly doubt that a year or so down the road that same man is thinking "damn, she payed for half her meals, so I guess tonight's laundry night for me...". Um, no. Seperate issue, seperate negotiation process. In fact, I really think that the best way to show a man that you expect him to carry his full weight in a relationship, is to insist that he prove himself in the very beginning.
Lilah29
04-30-2008, 01:11 AM
I find that a lot of guys (not all) under 40 are not chivalrous or particularly kind to women as women. I don't know if the times have changed, but I don't see many of the younger guys becoming more chivalrous as they get older.
I'm not really talking about money - money is not a relationship motivator for me - I'm talking about things like walking you somewhere at night because it's clearly not as safe for women to be out alone.
Miss Jessica
04-30-2008, 01:49 AM
Forget ugly looks, a small dick, or whatever. A cheap man truly is the worst type of man out there.
Fuck yeah! But having a small dick definately comes in second.
francescadubois
04-30-2008, 02:32 AM
If you are a dancer, do you think that when you put on your shoes and makeup for work every night? Genders are different, but that doesn't mean one is better than the other. They are just DIFFERENT. Just because a guy pays for you, that does not mean you are somehow less than him or he's not fully recognizing your humanity and giving you respect. We all have the ability to pay for what we want, letting a man do it does not make you demanding or a mooch.
I knew a girl who hated the gender role stuff and would actually get mad if a guy held open a door for her. That, to me, is bullshit.
Thanks, you summed up what I was gonna write perfectly.
Also, I'm not on here to change anyone's mind about it, I'm just sharing my philosophy on the situation. No one is gonna change my mind on it either.
I went through all that "Well does this mean I'm exchanging crica (Spanish word for pussy) for money, dinner, etc." I was a Women's Studies minor in undergrad and all that good and noble stuff. But you know what? That did not work for me, because there I was trying to be all "equal" with these twenty something guys and getting played. They were cheating, they were broke, and they were shitty lovers for the most part (no one can eat crica like an older man), they were emotionally immature, they were just a fuckin' mess, and I wasn't interested in the heartache of going through that. So I dated an older guy on a whim, and it was great! He was emotionally attentive, generous, gentlemanly, and he also cared if I REALLY had an orgasm. I started dating more older guys, and MY experiences have proven very enjoyable.
May I also add that just b/c a guy is older, doesn't mean he's an SD. They tend to be more on my level. I'm 25, I just finished my Master's. I am starting my own company. I don't like to club and get shit-faced, I like to go a jazz club and chill out. The demographic of men most suitable for ME is a guy in his forties, and no, it's not a chore. I really LIKE the older men I date, I LIKE sleeping them, I LIKE their company. I'm not fantasizing about some young dude while I'm having sex with him. I am INTO having sex with him. So, for every young woman who dates older men, it's not always like, "Oh I'm letting this gross old guy have his way with me." Maybe they are ACTUALLY bringing something to the table besides their money. :)
But if you feel otherwise, I can dig it and more power to ya. I'm not here to debate on what is theoretically/politically correct. In a perfect world, a lot of shit would be different.
Stevie06
04-30-2008, 12:41 PM
My boyfriend and I alternate planning and paying for dates--but in the beginning he usually paid.
I have a lot of trouble with friends feeling entitled to my money. I once got some concert tickets for me and two friends, both were shocked when I asked to be paid back. I've had a lot of people borrow money from me and also be shocked when I asked to be paid back. "But you make hundreds of dollars every night!"
I have always told moochy people that if they want to spend stripper money, they need to go be a stripper.
I no longer lend out anything or put myself in situations where I may not get paid back. It has never ended well. Another thing people don't understand is even though I make a lot, my living expenses are extremely high since I own my home.
If I didn't have a pretty awesome boyfriend, you bet I'd be looking for a sugar daddy as well. I say go for it, needtodance!
Laylalust
04-30-2008, 01:25 PM
Although I do agree that most guys in their 20's aren't worth your time, not all of them are like that. When I met my husband he was 21, but he still showed me the utmost respect, took me out on dates, bought me jewelry and flowers, and took me on various trips for which he paid for and ultimately convinced me that he was the one so not all young guys are broke cheapasses.
That's fantastic and I'm happy that you found a real gentleman in his twenties. Unfortunately for me, I have only had horrible experiences with guys in my age demographic--abusive, cheating, cheap, emotionally immature, unintelligent, and inexperienced. So I tend to be a bit prejudiced towards them and it's not altogether unjustified.