View Full Version : "I'm a stripper." Turn on or turn off?
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Biggieman
05-13-2008, 05:31 PM
I know this is for customers asking dancers questions but I have a question for the customers. When you meet some1 for the very 1st time & you find out the girl is a stripper, is that a turn on or turn off? I know some people are all like ECKKK but others are fascinated. How you guys feel?
I wouldn't think it was a bad thing unless the girl was incredibly unattractive. Otherwise, I'd have no opinion of it, and I wouldn't ask her all kinds of questions, because I'd assume that's what everyone else does and that she's sick of hearing it. It might also depend on how the subject came up. It depends on the context. My guess is that most strippers won't come out and say it, they'd have to be asked. The only question I might ask about it is where she works, because it'd be a shame to find out she was a stripper and not then know where you could see her in action. :P
TheSexKitten
05-13-2008, 06:56 PM
A "pig" is the masculine counterpart. I have heard other terms used but can't remember them at the moment.
Honestly, the people who congratulate men and look down on women for doing the same actions are all dumb asses anyway. For the most part if you are pro promiscuity, you are going to congratulate both men and women for it, and if you are against it you will look down on both men and women for doing it. I dont know many people who think its cool for a man to be slutty but not for a woman. In fact in middle and highschool I felt like a loser because I was not a slut, which was seen as a compliment by many of my trashy classmates, whether you are a man or a woman.
You did mention other cultures, and yes I know it exists in like arab nations and such, but I dont see it very often in the US. and Arab nations are weird anyway. If a man has to have a mistress and its a crime for a woman to have sex outside of marriage, then where are all these mistresses supposed to appear from? Its really fucked up.
*bangs head against desk*
Yes, because only "weird Arab nations" have some degree of sexism ingrained in their culture. :no:
Also, 'pig' most definitely does not bear the same weight as 'slut', especially since pig has several slang and formal meanings, whereas slut has only one. Those who suggest the word 'manwhore'... *yawn* That's usually used in jest anyway, and I'd bet a LOT of money that a man called a manwhore feels no where near as dirty and ostracized as a woman who is labeled a slut.
I absolutely agree that it is relatively equal here now, and that it is slowly diminishing, and I personally attribute that to the development of economic power for women. As we are able to choose to rely on ourselves rather than men, the need for a "provider" is erased, thus allowing us to pursue our sexualities as we see fit as well.
However, I find it asinine to insist that NO DEGREE of the Madonna-Whore dichotomy exists within American society today. That's like the spoiled white kids who insist that blacks aren't discriminated against anymore. It's simply farcical. You felt bad for not being a slut as a CHILD because most children are desperate to grow up fast and prove how cool and "adult" they are.
I'll make a logical assumption that you aren't well read in any feminist works, so I'll present an easier example to relate to:
Even within your typical "chick flick/teen drama/romance/action/whatever" genre movie, notice all the storylines where the guy flirts around with or fucks or w/e hot party chicks who happen to have little to no character development, and then forgoes them all in the end for the modest girl who gets as much character detail as she needs so we all know how sweet and devoted she is. Think hard; I'm sure you've seen this somewhere.
ETA: Wedding Crashers -- perfect example. One guy gets with a crazy virgin, one gets with a modest, well-to-do girl after fucking zillions of girls and lying to them. Tell me a similar movie with women as the protagonists wouldn't get a lot of flack...
msonyxorb
05-13-2008, 07:18 PM
*bangs head against desk*
Yes, because only "weird Arab nations" have some degree of sexism ingrained in their culture. :no:
Also, 'pig' most definitely does not bear the same weight as 'slut', especially since pig has several slang and formal meanings, whereas slut has only one. Those who suggest the word 'manwhore'... *yawn* That's usually used in jest anyway, and I'd bet a LOT of money that a man called a manwhore feels no where near as dirty and ostracized as a woman who is labeled a slut.
I absolutely agree that it is relatively equal here now, and that it is slowly diminishing, and I personally attribute that to the development of economic power for women. As we are able to choose to rely on ourselves rather than men, the need for a "provider" is erased, thus allowing us to pursue our sexualities as we see fit as well.
However, I find it asinine to insist that NO DEGREE of the Madonna-Whore dichotomy exists within American society today. That's like the spoiled white kids who insist that blacks aren't discriminated against anymore. It's simply farcical. You felt bad for not being a slut as a CHILD because most children are desperate to grow up fast and prove how cool and "adult" they are.
I'll make a logical assumption that you aren't well read in any feminist works, so I'll present an easier example to relate to:
Even within your typical "chick flick/teen drama/romance/action/whatever" genre movie, notice all the storylines where the guy flirts around with or fucks or w/e hot party chicks who happen to have little to no character development, and then forgoes them all in the end for the modest girl who gets as much character detail as she needs so we all know how sweet and devoted she is. Think hard; I'm sure you've seen this somewhere.
ETA: Wedding Crashers -- perfect example. One guy gets with a crazy virgin, one gets with a modest, well-to-do girl after fucking zillions of girls and lying to them. Tell me a similar movie with women as the protagonists wouldn't get a lot of flack...
You're right, it doesn't bear the same weight. Being a pig is being an asshole, whereas being a slut is being a victim. Being a pig is worse.
Again, being a "slut" is not always considered negative. If you grow up around people who think having casual sex is cool, you will be proud to be called a slut. In fact a lot of girls see it as a compliment and call each other sluts much like "gangstas" call each other "niggas." If you become distraught over someone calling you a slut then that has to do with your own sense of morality and your upbringing. Being called a slut isnt painful, it just means that you are promiscuous, and if it's true then what's there to cry about?
And yes I have seen movies like this, but I have also seen movies like "The Girl Next Door" where the irresponsible promiscuous girl (and former porn star) gets the innocent virginal guy and changes him for the worst (he becomes irresponsible, spontaneous, and skips on going to a good school for her). Films like this celebrate sluttiness. There are films for both sides of the argument.
xdamage
05-13-2008, 07:34 PM
However, I find it asinine to insist that NO DEGREE of the Madonna-Whore dichotomy exists within American society today.
Yea, I see it too.
Again, it just amazes me how humans want to see things in terms of black or white, is or isn't, but are seemingly so uncomfortable with something in the middle, like the dichotomy is overall less then it was in the past, but still a long way from being non-existant.
CinammonGirl
05-13-2008, 08:14 PM
You did mention other cultures, and yes I know it exists in like arab nations and such, but I dont see it very often in the US. and Arab nations are weird anyway. If a man has to have a mistress and its a crime for a woman to have sex outside of marriage, then where are all these mistresses supposed to appear from? Its really fucked up.
But, these "other cultures" have settled in the US and they still follow the culture that is practiced in their native land.
Indians migrated to America in the 70's and 80's, but even after 3 decades of being accustomed to Western culture, you're still seen as a slut for having sex outside of marriage, having casual sex/friends with benefits/one-nighters, etc. They don't care that the American definition of a slut is someone who has had *many* indiscriminate sexual encounters.
I'm seen as one of the biggest sluts in the Indian-American community for my sexual attitude, while some non-Indians don't see me my sexual past to be slutty at all. :)
Likewise, the Arabs, the East Asians/South-East Asians, etc that I see in America still hold the double-standard because that's how their parents raised them. They probably will pass it on to their kids too. It's not that easy to let go.
TheTempest
05-13-2008, 10:16 PM
Who are you criticized by? The same people who congratulate him? I have a feeling the people criticizing and the people congratulating are different people, that is why you are getting different reactions. I criticize my male friends for having sex outside of relationships all the time and I know others who do the same.
Another reason you are getting criticized more has more to do with the fact that it is EASY for a woman to be in an un-monogamous (it is not an accomplishment) whereas for a man its harder to convince a woman to sleep with him without commitment.
So I'm getting criticized for... what now? Doing something that's easier rather than engaging in a relationship?? No, actually, I'm getting criticized from women where he's getting congratulated by men.
Why? Because men (more commonly) see casual sex as a goal to be obtained and congratulated and women see a relationship as something to strive for. This is what society is telling us to believe, every woman wants to get married and every man wants to avoid it. It's reinforced through commercials, T.V. shows and movies.
It depends who you ask. I dont think its good for men to be promiscuous. In fact I find it disgusting and it makes me less likely to ever want to go out with them because they have been "used" so many times. If i find a man who hasnt had many partners I find him to be a catch and will be more willing to be more sexual adventurous with him because he is less likely to have as many stds as a guy who has had 30 plus partners. I would also take it as a sign that he has high standards and probably only has sex when he is in love, which is a sign of a guy who is into commitment, which is also a good thing.
The same people who say boys will be boys will also say that girls can sleep around too and will admire Paris Hilton and other Hollywood skanks.
BTW what is a PL?
A pathetic loser = PL
and NO the same people who say boys will be boys do NOT say girls can sleep around. Normally they will adhere to the socially constructed thought that women should be less sexually active and that's why they say "BOYS WILL BE BOYS" because its OK for boys to behave that way BUT not girls. There's no saying "girls will be girls".
You're right, it doesn't bear the same weight. Being a pig is being an asshole, whereas being a slut is being a victim. Being a pig is worse.
Again, being a "slut" is not always considered negative. If you grow up around people who think having casual sex is cool, you will be proud to be called a slut. In fact a lot of girls see it as a compliment and call each other sluts much like "gangstas" call each other "niggas." If you become distraught over someone calling you a slut then that has to do with your own sense of morality and your upbringing. Being called a slut isnt painful, it just means that you are promiscuous, and if it's true then what's there to cry about?
And yes I have seen movies like this, but I have also seen movies like "The Girl Next Door" where the irresponsible promiscuous girl (and former porn star) gets the innocent virginal guy and changes him for the worst (he becomes irresponsible, spontaneous, and skips on going to a good school for her). Films like this celebrate sluttiness. There are films for both sides of the argument.
Being called a slut is NOT being a victim! How is it someone else's fault that she had sexual relations? It's placing the blame squarely on her that her behavior has made her less desirable. Merriam-Webster's defines a slut as a slovenly woman or prostitute, specifically a gendered insult towards women. The dictionary says that men can not be sluts.
Pig is defined as a dirty, gluttonous or repulsive person (non-gendered), a swine that has not reached sexually maturity OR (in slang) AN IMMORAL WOMAN.
CinammonGirl
05-13-2008, 11:01 PM
The same people who say boys will be boys will also say that girls can sleep around too and will admire Paris Hilton and other Hollywood skanks.
Not in my experience. I've met promiscuous males that criticize women for behaving the same way they do. I had an ex who told me that females are desperate for initiating the first sexual move on someone they're not dating (I even made a thread about this). He has had WAY more casual encounters than I have, but his logic is that guys can do it and females can't.
It depends who you ask. I dont think its good for men to be promiscuous. In fact I find it disgusting and it makes me less likely to ever want to go out with them because they have been "used" so many times. If i find a man who hasnt had many partners I find him to be a catch and will be more willing to be more sexual adventurous with him because he is less likely to have as many stds as a guy who has had 30 plus partners. I would also take it as a sign that he has high standards and probably only has sex when he is in love, which is a sign of a guy who is into commitment, which is also a good thing.
BTW what is a PL?
What does the word "many" and "not too many" mean though? If less than 30 is what you consider "not too many," it might be too many to the next person and they might view you as "that woman dating the man who has had too many".
I've had less than 20 partners in the past 12 years, and the majority of those encounters occurred outside of a committed relationship, yet I've had my share of slut comments thrown at me in a negative manner. Whereas, two people recently told me that my number isn't a lot. :P
AtomicPunk
05-13-2008, 11:10 PM
Why? Because men (more commonly) see casual sex as a goal to be obtained and congratulated and women see a relationship as something to strive for. This is what society is telling us to believe, every woman wants to get married and every man wants to avoid it. It's reinforced through commercials, T.V. shows and movies.
I think these reactions have to do with it being a considered a challenge. It's not easy for a guy to find a girl for a one nite stand, fuck buddy, or any type of sexual relationship w/o commitment. So when he does it's high-fives all around b/c he accomplished something that's considered to be a challenge. A guy could go to a bar, hit on 20, 50, 100 chicks and still go home alone. As for a chick, unless she fell out of the ugly tree and smacked into every branch on the way down, she could walk up to the first guy she sees say wanna go fuck? And the guy, after he gets over the initial shock, will say yes as fast as the word can come out of his mouth. And the marriage thing is oppo. To a guy commitment is supposed to be a 4 letter word and marriage is the ultimate commitment. So if a girl can get to marry her she accomplished something that's considered to be a challenge. I'm not saying a guy can walk up to any girl ask her if she wants to marry him and she's going to say yes but it's late and I hope I made my point.
What I find funny is there are guys who want to be in a committed relationship and who want to get married, but they generally won't admit that, especially to other guys b/c it's not considered masculine.
On a side note I can't believe what this thread has evolved into.
msonyxorb
05-13-2008, 11:57 PM
So I'm getting criticized for... what now? Doing something that's easier rather than engaging in a relationship?? No, actually, I'm getting criticized from women where he's getting congratulated by men.
Why? Because men (more commonly) see casual sex as a goal to be obtained and congratulated and women see a relationship as something to strive for. This is what society is telling us to believe, every woman wants to get married and every man wants to avoid it. It's reinforced through commercials, T.V. shows and movies.
A pathetic loser = PL
and NO the same people who say boys will be boys do NOT say girls can sleep around. Normally they will adhere to the socially constructed thought that women should be less sexually active and that's why they say "BOYS WILL BE BOYS" because its OK for boys to behave that way BUT not girls. There's no saying "girls will be girls".
Being called a slut is NOT being a victim! How is it someone else's fault that she had sexual relations? It's placing the blame squarely on her that her behavior has made her less desirable. Merriam-Webster's defines a slut as a slovenly woman or prostitute, specifically a gendered insult towards women. The dictionary says that men can not be sluts.
Pig is defined as a dirty, gluttonous or repulsive person (non-gendered), a swine that has not reached sexually maturity OR (in slang) AN IMMORAL WOMAN.
There lies your problem, the people who are criticizing you are NOT the same people who are congratulating your fuck buddy. You cant say that a double standard exists because women are calling you a whore and men are calling your fuck buddy a hero. Are the men who are calling your fuck buddy a hero also calling you a hero? Are the women criticizing you also criticizing your fuck buddy?
Women should be less sexually active? Then who exactly are these "boys" supposed to fuck? robot women? Seriously, these people make no sense, and I don't come across many. The few times I do come across guys like this are when i talk to people of middle eastern descent, and they dont put it as blatantly as "boys will be boys" they just show their fucked up ideals by their actions and lack of respect towards women.
And the girl saying would be "girls just want to have fun"
Okay some girls feel victimized when they are called a slut, and some do it because of peer or media pressure, thats why I say being a slut is more of a victim thing.
I have never heard a woman called a pig in sexual terms. The only time women are called pigs is if they're fat or don't bathe.
msonyxorb
05-14-2008, 12:00 AM
Not in my experience. I've met promiscuous males that criticize women for behaving the same way they do. I had an ex who told me that females are desperate for initiating the first sexual move on someone they're not dating (I even made a thread about this). He has had WAY more casual encounters than I have, but his logic is that guys can do it and females can't.
What does the word "many" and "not too many" mean though? If less than 30 is what you consider "not too many," it might be too many to the next person and they might view you as "that woman dating the man who has had too many".
I've had less than 20 partners in the past 12 years, and the majority of those encounters occurred outside of a committed relationship, yet I've had my share of slut comments thrown at me in a negative manner. Whereas, two people recently told me that my number isn't a lot. :P
Desperate does not equal slutty. If anything it probably means that she can't get laid, i think that is what he is criticizing, not her "sexual prowess." For the most part it is assumed that all a girl has to do to get laid is walk out in public with heels on. If she has to "try" then it seems "desperate."
And like i told the other girl, if your friend really does think it's okay for men to do it but not for women, ask him what he thinks about the girls he had casual sex with, and if he says they're dirty then ask him why he is fucking dirty girls. I mean if he fucks dirt that makes him dirt too. Then ask him how he would ever get laid if all girls were virginal angels who refused to have casual sex. I swear, some of these double standard people have no common sense.
CinammonGirl
05-14-2008, 01:13 AM
Desperate does not equal slutty. If anything it probably means that she can't get laid, i think that is what he is criticizing, not her "sexual prowess." For the most part it is assumed that all a girl has to do to get laid is walk out in public with heels on. If she has to "try" then it seems "desperate."
Most guys have said yes to me when I make the first sexual move, but my ex still thought I was being desperate even though I was getting what I wanted. Like you said, a girl can easily say "Want to fuck?" to a guy, and there's a HIGH CHANCE that he will say yes after the initial shock calms down.
We discussed in the ladies section that there are a lot of guys that would want to do us, but how many of those guys do we actually like? It's easy for women to get laid, but most females want to get laid with something that they're attracted to and you have to do some work to find that. After explaining this to my ex, he still sees it as desperate and just can't fathom a woman making the first sexual move. He thinks women should wait.
And like i told the other girl, if your friend really does think it's okay for men to do it but not for women, ask him what he thinks about the girls he had casual sex with, and if he says they're dirty then ask him why he is fucking dirty girls. I mean if he fucks dirt that makes him dirt too. Then ask him how he would ever get laid if all girls were virginal angels who refused to have casual sex. I swear, some of these double standard people have no common sense.
No, they don't have common sense and they never will get it.
I've also had hook-ups of mine brag to their friends about having me and then talking crap about me at the same time. I could ask "If I'm such a slut, then why the hell are you bragging to your friends about being with me when you did the same thing?" There's no point, because they will use the "I'm a guy and you're not" excuse.
Nicolina
05-14-2008, 04:02 AM
Man was I happy to see someone say that b/c I agree completely. I didn't want to come rite out and say it b/c I didn't want to be flamed. Altho I don't know why. I promised myself this time around I was going to say exactly what I was thinking and not worry about reaction.
I have known a couple the biz hasn't changed but they weren't stay in it very long either. I think women in this biz have to be very mentally tough or it will destroy them from the inside. And not b/c of itself but it had a major effect on their attitudes towards men in general. The last chick I was with being a good example. She had been in the biz more than 10 years and thought every guy that came into the club was a PL that couldn't get any w/o paying for it. Which is fine to think about guys that go into the club but she took that tude into her everyday life. She got to a point where she could not have normal relationships with guys. She thought all any guy wanted from her was sex and she didn't know how to have relationships with guys except sexually. Now she's an extreme example but the most recent I have.
I didn't mean to imply that the changes wrought by a career in the sex industry are always negative. I was in the industry a long time; it affected me profoundly, but a lot of what I took away from the experience was positive. I learned a lot about men, but the job never made me dislike or distrust them on the whole. It just didn't. Nor did it "destroy me from the inside." And I don't think I'm especially "mentally tough," either. I just happened to have the right combination of traits to enjoy the job and emerge from a long career only slightly scathed.
I want to respond to Jenny,too...but I'm too sleepy....
Casual Observer
05-14-2008, 04:12 PM
I have known a couple the biz hasn't changed but they weren't stay in it very long either. I think women in this biz have to be very mentally tough or it will destroy them from the inside. And not b/c of itself but it had a major effect on their attitudes towards men in general. The last chick I was with being a good example. She had been in the biz more than 10 years and thought every guy that came into the club was a PL that couldn't get any w/o paying for it. Which is fine to think about guys that go into the club but she took that tude into her everyday life. She got to a point where she could not have normal relationships with guys. She thought all any guy wanted from her was sex and she didn't know how to have relationships with guys except sexually. Now she's an extreme example but the most recent I have.
This is hardly exclusive to women in the sex industry. Hell, I wouldn't even concede that women in the business are necessarily more prone to that type of attitude vis a vis civilian women. Bitterness is hardly the purview of sex industry workers.
AtomicPunk
05-14-2008, 04:38 PM
My comment was obviously taken WAY out of context but whatever. I should have expected it would be.
MojoJojo
05-23-2008, 09:39 PM
I know this is for customers asking dancers questions but I have a question for the customers. When you meet some1 for the very 1st time & you find out the girl is a stripper, is that a turn on or turn off? I know some people are all like ECKKK but others are fascinated. How you guys feel?
It's a turn on for most of us - because you meet tons of guys a day and if you give us attention, we think you actually like us, despite what basic logic is telling us - so it's a turn on....because we're special. RIGHT? :)
sakonhagakure
05-28-2008, 07:25 PM
I know this is for customers asking dancers questions but I have a question for the customers. When you meet some1 for the very 1st time & you find out the girl is a stripper, is that a turn on or turn off? I know some people are all like ECKKK but others are fascinated. How you guys feel?
Years ago when I worked as a cashier I would always get strippers coming in telling me to come see them when they worked. Back then I really didn't hang out at strip clubs. (at that time my opinion was that they were a huge waste of time, money and energy) After constant badgering I finally went in.
Wickedwyrm
05-30-2008, 05:51 PM
For me, its a good news cause it tells me that there is a plausiblity that you can be cool and understanding of how things tend to work. However most people, not so much.
AtomicPunk
05-30-2008, 08:01 PM
I promised myself I wasn't going to post on this thread anymore but one final time. The main reason I'd be weary of as a stripper as that some cats have this fantasy of dating a stripper. There's a lot of preconceived notions, that are sometimes true, but more often not and the guy ends up disappointed b/c dating a stripper didn't live up to the fantasy. It's the same for musicians, a lot of girls have preconceived notions of them too.....wild, crazy, party boy.
Which in most cases unfortunately is true, but not always and if he's not the chick ends up disappointed.....he didn't live up to the fantasy of what dating a musician. He was actually a nice guy, he didn't party all the time, or in some cases at all, he didn't only care about sex etc..
SometimeVoyager
06-03-2008, 11:17 AM
Off. Very off. Not that I'm casting judgement, but it's a bad first impression. BUT, once I get to know you and find out what a sweet, sincere person you are (or not) the stripper part either becomes a non-issue or a validation of my first impression.
BTW, about 1/3 of all the people I meet also have a bad opinion of me because of my field of work. And I really couldn't care less! :)
sakonhagakure
06-03-2008, 09:23 PM
I personally wouldn't have a problem with it but I don't think I'd tell my ultra christian folks who'd look down upon her for it. Hell I might go in and tell some customers "psst hey see that girl over there. She gives the best dances here. *nudge* *nudge* everyone else is a waste of $$$."
UtahMike
07-13-2008, 11:09 PM
The only dancer I ever met outside a strip club was a girl I had known for years, since she had been a teenager. She had been a competitor at karate tournaments where I had been an official. Then I didn't see her at tournaments for a while, and then she was back. When I asked her where she had been, she said she had been dancing, and I asked what kind, thinking she would say ballet or modern dance, etc. But she said she had been an exotic dancer, but that she had just quit because she had got tired of being groped in the VIP. Then we talked about strip clubs for awhile.
My only reaction was regret that I had not ever seen her dance. Since I do not want a date with any dancer at all, it was not a turn on or a turn off at all in that way.
ironmint
07-27-2008, 02:11 AM
well, this post won't go over well either, but I wouldn't want my fiance grinding on other guys. i make a decent living, and i'd be happy to make up any difference in my fiance's income.
I'm just the opposite of this gentleman. It would be a huge turn-on for me watching my girl grinding on other guys.
GSWRD
07-27-2008, 02:14 AM
turn on
AtomicPunk
07-27-2008, 09:23 PM
I'm just the opposite of this gentleman. It would be a huge turn-on for me watching my girl grinding on other guys.
I find that sort of thing hot too but only if I get a say in who the guy is but if you're dating her the you shouldn't be at the club very much....if at ever. So how are you getting to watch? Unless you go to her club everyday and I'd bet she wouldn't like that.
ironmint
07-28-2008, 10:16 AM
I find that sort of thing hot too but only if I get a say in who the guy is but if you're dating her the you shouldn't be at the club very much....if at ever. So how are you getting to watch? Unless you go to her club everyday and I'd bet she wouldn't like that.
Very good point. And you're right; she probably wouldn't want me showing up at her place of employment all the time anymore than I'd want her showing up at my place of employment all the time. However, I would go once in a while and I would definitely enjoy myself on those occasions. The rest of the time I'd just have to enjoy the thought of what's going on without me there.
sometimeslola
07-28-2008, 11:29 AM
Personally, I think it really depends on the guy, and his upbringing, age, experience, mind set, profession, status in society, and religion-ect. Everything that make a person, really.
Most men tend to be possessive, cause thats simply in their Nature, so if they want a fling they'll probably love it, and even boast about it. But if it gets serious most wankers would choose a girl that 'society' has tagged good or whatever.
BUT, I'm sure there is a guy whose confident enough not to feel like my dancing is in any way demising him as my BF, or none of that bullcrap. One who looks at as person, and realises that I love what i do and that it makes me happy-that in the end of the day that's how i am when he met me and he should not feel so inclined to make change because that is part of what makes me, ME.
A guy to merry a stripper, simply needs to be confident with himself, in his prime, has his own life and can trust you. One who by all means knows you as a person, the dancing just comes with the package. ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS.
And love to me is someone who can, or at least try their darn best, to accept you for everything and exactly that you are, and always knows that you LOVE THEM for that very reason.
SADLY most men are far too full of pride, and possessive or even insecure...to even bare the thought of a stripper as a GF or anything above.
AtomicPunk
07-28-2008, 02:10 PM
I think it also has to do with contact level of the club or area too. I never minded the job in and of iteslf. I even told her you can dance up and down the street naked for all I care, you have great body and should be proud of it. The part that sometimes bothered me was the grabbing and the groping. I didn't mind her grabbing, groping and or even rubbing other guys or for that matter where she grabbed, groped, and/or rubbed, but I didn't like the thought of guys doing that to her......6, 7, 8 hours a day 5 sometimes 6 days a week.
TheSexKitten
07-28-2008, 02:49 PM
^^^ I agree that this is how I would probably feel as a dude too.
UtahMike
08-08-2008, 09:01 PM
I just posted this approximate same thought in Blue, so I hope this doesn't count as a double post.
I would have no problem at all with my wife or girlfriend being a sexy dancer who didn't do extras. It would be a big turn on for me to know that she danced and got all these other guys turned on, but that I was actually the one who got to have sex with her.
What would bother me and make me worry is all the crappy stuff you dancers have to deal with on a daily basis. Stalkers, gropers, sweatpants boner man, guys whipping out their dick and cumming on your legs, etc. (For more information, read threads such as "Most Disgusting Thing a Customer Has Done" and many other threads.
I think it would be very hard to love someone and know that they have to endure all that abuse. That I do not think I could take.
Otoki
12-17-2008, 01:12 AM
You say that as if there is something wrong with it. If you're ok with your partner sharing sexuality with others, certainly that is ok.....but if you hold the view that once your relationship becomes exclusive and "permanent", such sharing should stop....isn't that ok too? I don't see what's negative or "possessive" about that. To me it seems perfectly normal and reasonable. I guess wanting your partner to come home every night can be seen as "possessive" too.....different couples draw the lines different places. And that's ok.
Dating often comes with exclusivity, so when someone says "OK for dating but not for marriage" it really just means a guy said he's cool with the dancing, but deep down he's not, gets angry at the girl, and it turns into a huge clusterfuck where it is made clear that they shouldn't have dated in the first place. That, at least, is how I read those comments.
Also, just because you feel that "real love" means "not sharing" (which is possessive, something I see as a negative thing in a relationship, because it is very closely related to control) does not mean others share that opinion.
Otoki
12-17-2008, 01:15 AM
I just posted this approximate same thought in Blue, so I hope this doesn't count as a double post.
I would have no problem at all with my wife or girlfriend being a sexy dancer who didn't do extras. It would be a big turn on for me to know that she danced and got all these other guys turned on, but that I was actually the one who got to have sex with her.
What would bother me and make me worry is all the crappy stuff you dancers have to deal with on a daily basis. Stalkers, gropers, sweatpants boner man, guys whipping out their dick and cumming on your legs, etc. (For more information, read threads such as "Most Disgusting Thing a Customer Has Done" and many other threads.
I think it would be very hard to love someone and know that they have to endure all that abuse. That I do not think I could take.
I had the "does my job bother you now that I've done it for a year" discussion with my BF two years ago, and this is basically what he said. I have stopped telling him the minor irritating shit that happened to me at work, and usually slept on it before I told him about really upsetting things (guys being HUGE douches, not just little ones:D ) because I am able to tell him about it less passionately, and he won't get as upset.
Yes, it's hard for him to know when something negative happens at work, but I work in a great environment so that isn't really an issue that comes up very often.
FJRider
12-17-2008, 03:02 AM
Neither. It just is.
Same for me It is not who you are it is just what you do.
D
threlayer
12-18-2008, 02:07 PM
I know no one is asking me, but.... It's a whole lot of thoughts that creep into my head. Some sexy, some questionable, and some kinda bad. Not in any kind of order of importance or sequence... The woman is (usually) comfortable acting sexy and showing her assets, but is she a prostitute, what is her personality and will she treat me fairly and finally is she an alcoholic, a druggie, or psychotic. Then how much does that matter in the VIP room? Except for the first one or two thoughts, this could apply to any pretty young woman.
mediocrity
12-18-2008, 06:03 PM
Neither. It just is.
Optimum answer FTW!;D
Otoki
12-22-2008, 08:01 PM
I know no one is asking me, but.... It's a whole lot of thoughts that creep into my head. Some sexy, some questionable, and some kinda bad. Not in any kind of order of importance or sequence... The woman is (usually) comfortable acting sexy and showing her assets, but is she a prostitute, what is her personality and will she treat me fairly and finally is she an alcoholic, a druggie, or psychotic. Then how much does that matter in the VIP room? Except for the first one or two thoughts, this could apply to any pretty young woman.
So the prostitute and drug addict questions go through your mind with any pretty girl, or just a stripper? I'm confused by the last sentence in your post.
Almost Jaded
12-23-2008, 01:19 AM
context. region. professional setting. age/generation/culture. you need to take these into account when dealing w/ the outside world.
Skipped a lot to quote this. It's perfect.
Here in Vegas for example, stripping is or can be a legitimate 6-figure career and people who don't get that are either new to town or just close-minded to the industry. In many small towns, the negative stereotypes apply more frequently to both the profession and the dancers themselves (in my experisnce), so the reactions will vary accordingly.
Other than that, it's as many have already said - depends on teh guy (or girl!) Some worship strippers, some are repulsed by them. Some start one way and change. I have dated several dancers and view it as any other job (but with a bettter per-hour wage, fewer shifts, more alid-back atmosphere... Damn I wish i had tits...), I know many giys who think I'm nuts for not having a problem with it. :shrug:
As for bringing it up in the first place... Well, how confident are you, what's you'repersonality like? If you present it right and can pull it off with your personality, the onus is on them to find or take issue. It will be a polarizing topic though!
Tiggs
12-23-2008, 07:48 PM
If I were to dispassionately look at it, I would generally avoid strippers as marriage material. Stripper life has too many pitfalls. Analogy, if you were to buy a car for a long trip for your family, you would rather drive a Lexus than a Ferrari (assuming Ferrari could fit your family). However, Ferrari would be so cool to drive, even though it would be hard to maintain, and probably breakdown in a long trip.
I am a body builder who works out every hour of my job.. am I attrative???? Well your tips should say, yes or no? If you ask the Question, then you are out of your REAUGE:'(
That looked quite harsh. Sorry it's out of my league too.. Just enjoy and tip well, then go to judgement calls..
threlayer
12-27-2008, 10:05 PM
So the prostitute and drug addict questions go through your mind with any pretty girl, or just a stripper? I'm confused by the last sentence in your post.
I meant an unknown, attractive woman who shows a lot of 'interest' in me. Dancer or especially not a dancer. But I am patient in making such determinations (no snap judgements) so I do try to find out where she's coming from. Guess I've been around long enough to have gotten burned and near-burned a few times, so I want to know what's going on.
(sorry, it took me a while to find my post)
FUJItheFISH
12-30-2008, 06:36 AM
Turn on = I'm going to brag about you to my friends.
Turn off = You seem cool and I'd like the possibility of a relationship.
Lolafrankie
12-31-2008, 01:32 AM
Are you seriously asking me to treat a mutual and personal relationship as the same as business one? Because... yeah. That seems to be a pretty significant distinguishing feature to me. I mean... we're in sales. You can't compare a sales relationship to a personal relationship and expect to get a sensible result. You might as well say "the guy who sold me my car doesn't want to date me, and therefore it is ethically coherent to set up a moral caste system in which strippers are at the bottom."
Yeah but I wouldn't date a car salesman...I mean, ew. ;)
Otoki
12-31-2008, 03:14 PM
If I were to dispassionately look at it, I would generally avoid strippers as marriage material. Stripper life has too many pitfalls. Analogy, if you were to buy a car for a long trip for your family, you would rather drive a Lexus than a Ferrari (assuming Ferrari could fit your family). However, Ferrari would be so cool to drive, even though it would be hard to maintain, and probably breakdown in a long trip.
Analogies: you're doing it wrong.
Otoki
12-31-2008, 03:15 PM
I meant an unknown, attractive woman who shows a lot of 'interest' in me. Dancer or especially not a dancer. But I am patient in making such determinations (no snap judgements) so I do try to find out where she's coming from. Guess I've been around long enough to have gotten burned and near-burned a few times, so I want to know what's going on.
(sorry, it took me a while to find my post)
Got it.
seekr34
05-17-2009, 08:09 PM
Exactly. I'd be rather startled if a woman revealed this to me on "1st meeting."
If it looks like they might go on a date, then I can understand why she would mention what she does for a living.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-17-2009, 09:53 PM
Turn on for a "date".
jack0177057
05-18-2009, 01:49 PM
Honestly,... when I was younger (20s), I would NOT have dated a dancer with any serious long-term romantic interest... I was a typical jealous BF and the idea of my GF giving other guys lap dances would have driven me nuts...
I'm 36 now and am a less possessive and less insecure guy... I could see myself with a dancer, but she would have to be dancing as part of an ambitious PLAN that involves doing something else in a few years... (like finishing school or starting a business).
Almost Jaded
05-19-2009, 12:24 PM
Interesting to see this crop back up. My GF and I have been together for going on 6 months now, and we met in the club. I was a "regular" (not for long, she made it clear she wanted more than professional relationship like the first time I bought a dance from here, lol). I mention this because our relationship is progressing, and this thread seems relevant all over again.
What I said before still stands; it depends on the mindset of both parties. That's really all there is to it.
As for us - well, it was kind of a turn-on in the beginning, but I'm more in the "whatever, it's you're job" category. Now? HUGE turn on. ;)
Earl_the_Pearl
05-19-2009, 12:36 PM
Interesting to see this crop back up. My GF and I have been together for going on 6 months now, and we met in the club.
How much of her support do you provide, do you cohabit and what is the age difference? Inquiring minds want to know.
A_Guy
05-19-2009, 12:56 PM
I get a semi every time I hear the word, so does that adequately answer the question?
:P