View Full Version : I am pregnant.
red red red
05-13-2008, 06:40 PM
I think that maybe you should head home sooner rather than later and talk to your mom about this... especially since you're counting on your parents to support you and your child. You might be surprised by what she has to say about it, and it makes me worry that you'd want to keep it hidden from them, even temporarily.
TheSexKitten
05-13-2008, 07:14 PM
Congratulations! But...
I find it odd that you're so preoccupied with how your body will look, and I really don't think going to NZ is the best idea yet if you're going to have the child. If they find out while you're there, that's not going to win you any friends with immigration, not to mention you'd be piling on even more instability in such a turbulent time.
Either way, best of luck! :hug:
NinaDaisy
05-13-2008, 07:36 PM
Good luck. It sounds like you're going to need it.
Corgan
05-13-2008, 09:24 PM
whoa whao your bf is 28 and treats you the way he does? wow.
gypsy... go home and be with your mommy. you will be so glad you did.
i can appreaciate you being whimsical because girl, whimsical is my middle name. but all the decisions you make now are for your baby, not you. <3
Gypsy74
05-13-2008, 09:32 PM
I think that maybe you should head home sooner rather than later and talk to your mom about this... especially since you're counting on your parents to support you and your child. You might be surprised by what she has to say about it, and it makes me worry that you'd want to keep it hidden from them, even temporarily.
i'm going home at the end of the month.. in like two weeks.
I'm not going to NZ pregnant, obviously that is a stupid decision. I was just venting about how badly I wanted to go, but it will have to wait.
My bf bought me prenatal vitamins on his way home from work today, he really wants us to have a family and when he puts his mind to something he can make anything happen-- so I dont think that our current financial/living status is going to be a problem.
Of course I'm preoccupied with how my body will look-- I have no idea what it will look like and I've seen pregnant women who look absolutely horrible after and ones who look better than before. I want to be able to dance again if I want (not because I need the money, because i like it), and I want to be able to be confident with my body (i had a lot of body image/eating issues growing up). I think pregnancy will heal some of those issues though, because i'll see my body as more of a machine than a mannequin.
I was teetering towards abortion this afternoon, and then my bf came home and I realized I just can't abort our child, I'm in love with him- regardless of our problems in the past-- they are so small compared to how much i love him and how much potential we have. There are tons of hippie mamas who manage to travel with their children and live the unconventional lifestyle I want to lead. Unconventional doesn't mean unstable either, it just means different.
I don't see how a kid could possibly cost that much if I'm living on a commune, using cloth diapers, breast feeding, sharing child care with other parents, using shared clothes and hand me downs, and feeding him/her with food from a garden. A lot of communes are income sharing, or at least partially, some just require volunteer work and donations... so we have a lot of options. It's not like my boyfriend doesn't have any skills either, he's been a painter, been in marketing/advertising, worked on farms, and traveled around the country on pocket change-- if there's anyone who could help me achieve the kind of life I want to live, it's him.
I don't understand why I feel like I have to defend myself on here.. I guess you guys are just judgemental because of my post bashing my bf... that's understandable. I have no where else to vent about him, so take everything I said with a grain of salt, he's really not that bad.
I was just reading cutey5032's post about how she got pregnant and needed help and had questions and everyone was nothing but nice and supportive to her.
just saying...
BrunetteGoddess
05-13-2008, 09:35 PM
If you think some people are being unkind in response to your OP, I just have to stress that it sounds like it's out of concern. You've had a lot of stress on your relationship and a baby will be MORE stress. And if YOU are under a lot of ongoing stress, it WILL affect the baby growing inside of you. Mommy needs to be happy for baby to be happy.
Just take care, K? :hug:
nyhottie32
05-13-2008, 09:37 PM
Congrats!!!
Babies have a way of making everything... make sense....
I wish you the best.....
RoseLeigh
05-13-2008, 09:37 PM
^^ Realize it's situational. You've been posting a lot about the craziness with your bf, money he owes you, probs with the roommates. Cutey and her boy have been together a while and I've never seen a post where she complains about him not working or anything like that. We actually aren't being mean here.
Gypsy74
05-13-2008, 09:38 PM
If you think some people are being unkind in response to your OP, I just have to stress that it sounds like it's out of concern. You've had a lot of stress on your relationship and a baby will be MORE stress. And if YOU are under a lot of ongoing stress, it WILL affect the baby growing inside of you. Mommy needs to be happy for baby to be happy.
Just take care, K? :hug:
that is true, but keep in mind that my whole hating on my boyfriend and having a mental breakdown only started after I was pregnant and had crazy hormones raging inside of me. I'm not blaming it all on the hormones, but that is a BIG factor.
I would also think it would make more sense to be nice to a person who is stressed out rather than snarky and sarcastic "out of concern", because the latter would only result in MORE stress, am I wrong?
BrunetteGoddess
05-13-2008, 10:05 PM
Well no, you're not wrong. But we have a lot of strong, opinionated, and caring woman on this board who don't always show their concern the best way, yanno? I get where you're coming from.
TheSexKitten
05-13-2008, 10:11 PM
BTW I hope you didn't take my post the wrong way; it was mainly an "advice" post.
People have had children in MUCH worse situations and have managed to pull it together just fine. I think taking a trip home would be a good thing... you can get some insight from your mom too.
NinaDaisy
05-13-2008, 10:54 PM
I'm terribly sorry if you don't like people pointing out the reality of your situation, but once you have a baby, your life ceases to be about you and what you want.
It's ALL about the kid from then on. It's great that you "love" your boyfriend. But the fact is that you were having problems before you were hormonal. And it's cute that he got an extra job, but a lot of men change (and not always for the better especially if the relationship is already shaky) after the kid's born.
You're 19. You don't know what you're getting into. I'm sure you think you're very smart, but the reality is you don't really have any life experience.
And frankly your blatant ignorance about medicine and health care makes me fear for your child.
Just because someone else had a kid and things turn out ok, doesn't mean it will for you. You don't seem to have much of a foundation to go on.
If you don't abort, give it up for adoption. It's the least selfish thing to do in this case, really.
And I can tell you right now there is absolutely nothing snarky or sarcastic about my posts, at least.
You want us to be nice to you to not make more stress? We're being nice by giving our honest opinions, some are just more sugarcoated than others. Mine far less so, because it's another potential human life we're dealing with here.
If you can't handle the "stress" from these posts, you're not ready to have a kid.
Susan Wayward
05-13-2008, 11:19 PM
I was just reading cutey5032's post about how she got pregnant and needed help and had questions and everyone was nothing but nice and supportive to her.
Most of these posts are supportive. No one here wishes you anything but the best! Anything negative stems from the amount of relationship trouble you've posted about and the behavior of your SO you've described. Had cutey or any other poster described a similar situation, there's no doubt in my mind people would have reacted similarly.
That said, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I know some people have said the baby becomes priority one, but truly, if you aren't taken care of, the child won't be either. Do what you need to do to feel safe, happy, and prepared.
red red red
05-13-2008, 11:22 PM
I was teetering towards abortion this afternoon, and then my bf came home and I realized I just can't abort our child, I'm in love with him- regardless of our problems in the past-- they are so small compared to how much i love him and how much potential we have.
I don't understand why I feel like I have to defend myself on here.. I guess you guys are just judgemental because of my post bashing my bf... that's understandable. I have no where else to vent about him, so take everything I said with a grain of salt, he's really not that bad.
Look, hormones or not, the stuff you were mad about last week was really unquestionably super valid stuff to be mad about. And it wasn't a few months ago... it was last week. This is why it's somewhat difficult to just be purely happy for you about this. And it just seems like you are all alone right now except for this guy, which is a really tight spot to be in when you have to make an incredibly important decision like this one. And maybe support means telling you things you don't want to hear sometimes. Would you prefer to be patronized?
NinaDaisy
05-13-2008, 11:23 PM
Do what you need to do to feel safe, happy, and prepared.
That's ultimately the most important thing. For your sake AND the baby.
Sunshine73
05-13-2008, 11:36 PM
I've been in your shoes, Gypsy, except I was 26 and had a college degree. I didn't have it together, but I got it together. It has been just me and my ex raising this child, with no help from family (and I prefer it that way ). It has worked out for us, but mainly because I have made good choices for my son and myself. And he is happy, healthy, and well-adjusted.
I do hope that you have a lot of support, at least until you are finished with school, because that is important.
The choices you make have to be good choices for your child too. Your life is still about you, but it is also about your child too, and he/she is the first person to consider when making decisions. Sometimes you may have to postpone things, but speaking from experience, the arrival of my son didn't end my life. It just made everything better. No sugarcoating there. Yes some days he drives me crazy, and yes there have been times I have felt overwhelmed. But I get through it and become stronger for it. My son has what he needs and that is the important thing. Believe me, I've had to sacrifice a lot and put myself second so that he turns out OK and grows up to be a good man.
The one thing I should tell you. Make sure that when you go back to dancing, keep a secret fund for yourself and your kid should you need to bail. I'm not trying to be negative or anything, but before having this child, ask yourself this...would you be willing and able to handle him/her on your own should things not work out with your bf? And hey, if things DO work out, at least you will have money saved for a house, college education for your kid, etc. Just something to consider.
I wish you the best. I know how you feel. It's overwhelming to hear the news at first and some of the comments here don't make anything any easier. But remember what I told you...do what you know in your heart is best and the best will happen for everyone.
kitty260
05-13-2008, 11:48 PM
I'm not gonna make any snarky comments, because almost two years ago, it would have seemed as though I wasn't ready to have a kid and change my life for the better. Jess and I weren't together very long either. I was a chain smoker living in Hollywood and taking painkillers and drinking martinis all the time. But seriously, having my baby MADE me straighten out a lot of issues I had and forced me to make a better life for myself, and in turn for her. I moved and quit doing everything bad for me and found ways to make money from home after I got too big to dance.
It can be done. I hope it happens that way for you. Truly. Do some deep down soul searching and decide for yourself.
Best wishes to you.
Oh wow. That's my story, except with Toronto in place of Hollywood and shitty relationship instead of short one.
That goes to show that it's possible for everything to work out. It did for the rest of us. It can for you too. Good luck.
Flick6
05-14-2008, 01:33 AM
My posts have been an attempt at sharing life knowledge and wisdom, not meant as snarkiness at all.
Dude I have lived in tree houses and lived out of a back pack and done all the things you have dreamed of doing, and there were women doing it with kids and I felt sorry for their kids. Its a great life to live but fucking HARD work with a kid and the kids usually get left short. I have also seen beautiful communes where it would be a lovely place to bring up a child. But what if it doesnt suit you and your kid in three years or five years or ten years? What if your child is a genius who wants to go to some fancy school and needs a school uniform that you cannot afford to buy them.
Kids are not expensive when they are babies being breastfed and wearing clothe nappies. But fuck me do you have any idea how much hard work it is to hand wash cloth nappies?? I do and it's insane. What if your values change over the next couple of decades where will you and your child be?
I dont care what the answer is, I just want you to think about it. Because your reasoning is really naive. Your back up plan is living off your parents! You think your bf is reliable great parenting material because he bought you a packet of vitamins. I havent read all of your past posts about him so I can honestly say I have no judgments on him whatsoever. But I automatically wonder about someone who is only supportive of what HE wants.
I have nothing invested in whether you have this baby or not, but really your responses are kind of immature, its like you are looking at the rainbow colours and ignoring the rain storm behind it. I guess it bothers me because I see how I used to be and I wouldnt wish how hard I did things on anyone.
But you know what, you will learn through experience as we all do. I am sure you have it in you to be a great mother, no matter how things turn out.
Perry
05-14-2008, 02:04 AM
I had a hippie mom. She stripped. She partied. She had BIG plans... She had a douche-bag boyfriend, not saying that your's is - just saying that he should not be a factor in your desicion.
And you know what? She turned out to be the best mom ever. Period. Was it easy? Hell no! The woman worked 12 hour shifts in a glass factory to support me, because I did wreck her body. We lived in a trailer, I didn't have a dad, but I was beyound happy. Mom loved me, I had garage-sale Barbies and lived off potted meat. 22 years later, I do my damndest to make her proud, and I want to take care of her.
Long story short, if you are going to love your child enough to give up everything for him/her you're going to be an awsome mom. If you have doubts, or want to live your life - sometimes being the best mother is realizing you can't do it right now. I really don't want anything I've said to come off as stressfull or snarky. I just hope you can look at both sides of your possible decision with a positive light.
That being said, peace and love be with you :peace:
BalletBaby
05-14-2008, 02:52 AM
^ My bf wants the baby more than I do.
I think what you want more should be more important.
(he's 28 and has already been crazy and seen the world)
But do you want the chance to be crazy and see the world?
Congrats and best of luck to you!:hug:
AlexxaHex
05-14-2008, 05:29 AM
ndest to make her proud, and I want to take care of her.
Long story short, if you are going to love your child enough to give up everything for him/her you're going to be an awsome mom. If you have doubts, or want to live your life - sometimes being the best mother is realizing you can't do it right now. I really don't want anything I've said to come off as stressfull or snarky. I just hope you can look at both sides of your possible decision with a positive light.
Very true. I think a lot of really great things have been said in this thread. Flick6 is dead on about so much. All things to consider...
One thing I want to mention is that sometimes you just CAN'T go back to dancing. Your body could be...well, FAT. You change your perspective a lot after having a baby. It may be totally alien to you to flirt with strange men all night and have them grope your body. You could feel differently about yourself in general. Stripping and being a mom are really hard to mix when you're nursing and leaking milk all over the place. If, for some reason you don't or can't nurse, formula is UNBELIEVABLY expensive. If you are going to have this baby, you need a big financial backup plan. Do not count on stripping.
Midwifery is definitely much cheaper than having a doctor/hospital birth, but it is still not cheap. Prenatal care, new clothes, any health problems that may arise are all very expensive. Try paying for it when you can't just strap on your heels and go to the club. SO not easy. I know. What if your baby has a handicap or deformity? Talk about needing crazy amounts of money....oy.
I'm not trying to discourage you from doing anything but I do think you might not be looking at things from a mother's perspective at this point and I'm trying to shed light on the reality.
thechaosfairy
05-14-2008, 09:36 AM
Here's the thing to remember about having a baby:
It's a twenty-year commitment, minimum. (Legally eighteen; realistically twenty.)
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Just remember, it's YOUR decision.
The decision is not made for you.
You haven't yet signed the twenty-year contract you have in front of you.
It's entirely yours to sign -- not any of ours, not your boyfriend's. It's not a contract with your boyfriend. It's a contract with a person who might be here in eight months, or might not. You don't know who he or she might be yet, but that's the nature of the thing. Your boyfriend might be involved and he might not. So, ultimately, the thing you're making the decision about is the next twenty years of your life.
If you can say with your whole heart that YES, you will give those twenty years to your child wholly and make each one the best it can be, then this could be the right thing for you.
Choose wisely and choose well.
MissDewdrop
05-14-2008, 10:41 AM
Here's the thing to remember about having a baby:
It's a twenty-year commitment, minimum. (Legally eighteen; realistically twenty.)
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Just remember, it's YOUR decision.
The decision is not made for you.
You haven't yet signed the twenty-year contract you have in front of you.
It's entirely yours to sign -- not any of ours, not your boyfriend's. It's not a contract with your boyfriend. It's a contract with a person who might be here in eight months, or might not. You don't know who he or she might be yet, but that's the nature of the thing. Your boyfriend might be involved and he might not. So, ultimately, the thing you're making the decision about is the next twenty years of your life.
If you can say with your whole heart that YES, you will give those twenty years to your child wholly and make each one the best it can be, then this could be the right thing for you.
Choose wisely and choose well.
Very well said, IMHO. You've mentioned in other posts that your BF has been living "under the radar," so to speak, for a long time. If anything should happen between you two, it might make it difficult to enforce or collect on a child support order. This notion is something you should consider, even if you think it's fatalist. As chaos and others have pointed out, you are the one who will be immediately and solely responsible for this person for 18+ years.
modlgrl
05-14-2008, 10:52 AM
It sounds as though you really want to keep and have the baby, and you should. You know in your heart what you want to do. Stick to your instinct, women have children everyday and do fine, & it also sounds like you have a support network w/ bf and family.
abcdefghij
05-14-2008, 11:40 AM
im a troll and i say that most of the people on this thred r really mean n snarky n condesending. screw condesending people. screw that with a cactus
Yekhefah
05-14-2008, 12:12 PM
Situations like this are what adoption was made for. It's a beautiful, selfless thing. I beg you to consider it.
Corgan
05-14-2008, 12:38 PM
i was adopted at birth, and it was the best thing my birthmother could have ever doine for me. i grew up with the best family ever... i never wanted for anything and to this day, my mom and dad love me for me and that's the best thing ever!!!
Gypsy74
05-14-2008, 12:43 PM
Situations like this are what adoption was made for. It's a beautiful, selfless thing. I beg you to consider it.
I AM NOT PUTTING MY BABY UP FOR ADOPTION. I already said I wasn't, and there is no way it would happen.
Why would I ruin my body if I wasn't going to keep the baby? It makes absolutely no sense to me. There are enough babies on this earth, and tons in orphanages that need to be adopted, why add one more to be adopted?? How would I make money when I'm pregnant and huge? I obviously can't dance past 12 weeks at most, and I am not going to be miserable working a minimum wage job because I haven't finished my degree yet. Not fucking happening.
If I have this baby, I'm keeping it. I don't see how anyone can carry a pregnancy to term and then just give their baby away, you bond with the baby when it's inside you.
Corgan
05-14-2008, 12:45 PM
I AM NOT PUTTING MY BABY UP FOR ADOPTION. I already said I wasn't, and there is no way it would happen.
you said you weren't going to abort and now you're considering it.
If I have this baby, I'm keeping it. I don't see how anyone can carry a pregnancy to term and then just give their baby away, you bond with the baby when it's inside you.
if you loved it enough to want what's best for it, you could.
AlexxaHex
05-14-2008, 12:52 PM
How would I make money when I'm pregnant and huge? I obviously can't dance past 12 weeks at most, and I am not going to be miserable working a minimum wage job because I haven't finished my degree yet. Not fucking happening.
I did phone sex. There is a lot you can do without a degree and without stripping. Search craigslist like 20 times a day like a lot of my friend have done and still do. lol
Like I said, if you want to do this and you think you are up to the monumental challenge, you will find a way. I am still in support of what you want to do either way but if you do decide to keep it, it comes with a huge amount of responsibility and lots of boring, insanely hard things. Being a mother can be hugely rewarding, but not without the work you put into it. It is your choice, but if you make the choice to have the baby, it's not about what you want anymore.
Corgan
05-14-2008, 12:53 PM
phone sex is a great choice!
CKXXX
05-14-2008, 01:20 PM
Not considering adoption because if you have to get stretch marks you should get to keep the baby?? A baby isnt a prize...it isnt a reward you get for strech marks. Its a HUMAN BEING. Sorry to say this honey...but you dont have nearly the right attitude to be responsible for another tiny completely dependant vulerable person.Not at the moment. Find yourself and learn how to take care of yourself first.
Gypsy74
05-14-2008, 01:22 PM
yeah fuck you too ^
beauty21queen
05-14-2008, 01:24 PM
^ dude dont listen to anyone here just do whats best for youand your baby I wish you luck in whatever you chose.
beauty21queen
05-14-2008, 01:29 PM
Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility yes alot of people know that . I had my daughter at 17 years old and I am doing great and I did it all by myself with minimal help from family. I would recommend living around your family just because you never know what happens. It is expensive to raise a child but you can do it.
Sunshine73
05-14-2008, 01:38 PM
Like I said, if you want to do this and you think you are up to the monumental challenge, you will find a way. I am still in support of what you want to do either way but if you do decide to keep it, it comes with a huge amount of responsibility and lots of boring, insanely hard things. Being a mother can be hugely rewarding, but not without the work you put into it. It is your choice, but if you make the choice to have the baby, it's not about what you want anymore.
QFT. Make no mistake...motherhood is rewarding, but it is not easy. And you must always make sure to put your child first, make good decisions with them first in mind, and protect them at any costs.
Corgan
05-14-2008, 01:38 PM
gyspy.
i truly think abortion is the best choice for you.
eta: i said this because she was saying abortion was a choice and adoption was not! stop being bitchy to me!
gypsy seems to be treating this baby as a burden, not a gift.
Corgan
05-14-2008, 01:45 PM
^ dude i was stating my opinion. just like everyone here. chill the fuck out.
eta: a post i was referring to is now deleted.
Sunshine73
05-14-2008, 01:49 PM
I will also add that motherhood , with all of its responsibilities, is fun too. My kid is hysterical and he make me laugh. And we get to do fun things together...like the fair and carnival rides, Sea World and the Zoo. Birthday parties are fun, and I love to play tag with him and his friends when we are at the playground (the kids always love it when the grownups play with them...) And it's fun when he learns something new. It's great to see him do well in school and enjoy his friends. And I love his laugh. It is infectious! So it's not all doom and gloom either. It is fun. But good lord it is a HUGE responsibility and if you take on this child make sure you protect her/him at all costs. I know that if anyone ever f*cks with my child, they will wish they never even knew my name.
beauty21queen
05-14-2008, 01:50 PM
She's not asking what any of us think is the best choice for her.
How presumptuous to think you know someone's life path better than they do.
seriously
Aubreyyy
05-14-2008, 02:05 PM
I had a hippie mom. She stripped. She partied. She had BIG plans... She had a douche-bag boyfriend, not saying that your's is - just saying that he should not be a factor in your desicion.
And you know what? She turned out to be the best mom ever. Period. Was it easy? Hell no! The woman worked 12 hour shifts in a glass factory to support me, because I did wreck her body. We lived in a trailer, I didn't have a dad, but I was beyound happy. Mom loved me, I had garage-sale Barbies and lived off potted meat. 22 years later, I do my damndest to make her proud, and I want to take care of her.
Long story short, if you are going to love your child enough to give up everything for him/her you're going to be an awsome mom. If you have doubts, or want to live your life - sometimes being the best mother is realizing you can't do it right now. I really don't want anything I've said to come off as stressfull or snarky. I just hope you can look at both sides of your possible decision with a positive light.
That being said, peace and love be with you :peace:
BEST POST EVER! ;D ;D
Gypsy, I believe that you will have the strength, courage, and good sense to make the decision that is right for YOU and YOUR BABY at THIS TIME.
I love my boyfriend to death, love kids, all of the things that you are saying... but if I were to get pregnant tomorrow I would have to have an abortion, b/c even if all of the other factors are right, its just not the right TIME.
The only thing that we can do on the board is provide advice given the situations we've been through, and support you in whatever decision you make (whether we agree or not). Thats what friends do, and even though I personally don't know you, we're all friends here :hug:
Yekhefah
05-14-2008, 02:11 PM
There's no need to get defensive just because people are telling you what you don't want to hear. It's not about what's right for you at this point, it's about what's right for your CHILD. A child deserves a mother who will make every choice with the child's best interests at heart, not one who bases all her decisions on what's fun and whether she might get stretch marks. "Follow your heart" sounds nice but it's a bullshit life policy. Your head is a much better friend.
To answer your question, why would a woman go through pregnancy and then give the baby up for adoption - she does it because she wants her baby to have life, and a better life than she can give it. She does it out of love and selflessness. In my opinion, it would be the height of selfish irresponsibility to keep and raise a child in your position. A baby isn't a doll.
cutey5032
05-14-2008, 02:28 PM
Gypsy all I have to say to you is it is ultimately your choice, but only you know if you are really ready for it. Please, even though your boyfriend doesn't believe in abortion, its not his body. Its YOUR body, and YOUR life it is going to affect the most. He can leave whenever he wants to (not that he would).
I know I am only 23 and by no means an old-timer, but I do have some life experience, and most of that "growing up" occured from when the time I was 19-22. All I can say is you are going to change SO MUCH in the next few years, the way you think and everything. Who you are today is probably not the "adult you" if that makes sense, and thats ok.
You seem to have a lot of plans for yourself, that include travelling and school. These things would probably become impossible with a baby. I hope you make the choice that is right for you, but please don't think you have to be stubborn and prove everyone who is saying "just have an abortion/adoption" wrong by having it. Nobody is living your life for you and its going to affect you the most.
francescadubois
05-14-2008, 02:41 PM
Gypsy all I have to say to you is it is ultimately your choice, but only you know if you are really ready for it. Please, even though your boyfriend doesn't believe in abortion, its not his body. Its YOUR body, and YOUR life it is going to affect the most. He can leave whenever he wants to (not that he would).
I know I am only 23 and by no means an old-timer, but I do have some life experience, and most of that "growing up" occured from when the time I was 19-22. All I can say is you are going to change SO MUCH in the next few years, the way you think and everything. Who you are today is probably not the "adult you" if that makes sense, and thats ok.
You seem to have a lot of plans for yourself, that include travelling and school. These things would probably become impossible with a baby. I hope you make the choice that is right for you, but please don't think you have to be stubborn and prove everyone who is saying "just have an abortion/adoption" wrong by having it. Nobody is living your life for you and its going to affect you the most.
QFT. :yes: :yes:
Sunshine73
05-14-2008, 02:54 PM
"Follow your heart" sounds nice but it's a bullshit life policy.
I don't think it's bullshit at all. If I didn't do what I felt was best in my heart, I would not be living the happy life I am now. I have a happy and healthy child, I'm with the love of my life, and my movie career is taking off. Because i followed my heart. I understand what you are saying...it is good to THINK things through...but oftentimes our perceptions of reality and reality are not the same thing...that is why you sometimes have to have faith in your feelings and go with your GUT.
I would never give bullshit advice to someone...:'(
And that is why I say to do what you FEEL is best for you and your child Gypsy, whatever that may be. Good luck!
AudreyLeigh
05-14-2008, 03:07 PM
Why would I ruin my body if I wasn't going to keep the baby? It makes absolutely no sense to me.
This should not be your #1 priority on having a child or not...
I don't see how anyone can carry a pregnancy to term and then just give their baby away, you bond with the baby when it's inside you.
I'll tell you.
When I originally got pregnant I thought the same as you. Im keeping MY baby. No ones taking my baby and NO abortion! Well, about 3 months in I had second thoughts. I started thinking about what was REALLY best. Not just what I wanted for selfish reasons.
Thats when I decided to put the baby up for adoption. I loved the adoptive parents - they were the people I would have chosen to raise myself. They were wonderful, caring people who had been through 6 miscarriages and could not carry to term. They wanted nothing more than a baby. They had the careers, the home, the dogs and the white picket fence.
They (to me) were my babys parents. And tho its hard to imagine (and this is not true with EVERYONE) you are able to detach from the baby.... just like in Juno. When I was watching that movie I was like wow.. thats me when I was 16 and pregnant. The adoption fell through for reasons I will not discuss but I was heartbroken and because I had detached myself from this baby in me I never bonded with her like a mother should. I resented her because she wasnt mine, she was theirs and because of reasons beyond my control (or theirs) she was not with them. It took me about 3 years to bond with my daughter.
It was hard - raising a child is not easy... Parenting has its easy and tough parts. In the end everything works out - as long as you put your baby first and do whats best for them your baby and you will be just fine. My daughters a perfectly happy 9 year old girl. I love her with all my heart. For years I told myself I was a horrible mother because I was comparing the life I was giving her to the life I thought she should have had but she doesnt care. Shes a child and she loves me no matter what. She doesnt care - children love their parents through the good and bad - through richness and poorness - its unconditional. Children will love the worst parents because theyre their parents.
But all in all Gypsy - youre going to have people who encourage you and discourage you from all the possible decisions. And tho everyone has their own opinions (you better KNOW they did with me!) the decision is ultimately up to you. Im sure you will make the best decisions for you and the baby and good luck!
cutey5032
05-14-2008, 03:36 PM
omg audrey!! :hug:
BrunetteGoddess
05-14-2008, 04:37 PM
i'm just counting the hours until this thread is locked or deleted.
Well in all fairness, we could save the mods some work and either stop posting in the thread and let it die on its own, or don't post if you don't have something to say that Gypsy wants to hear.
We're all adults here, we don't need a mod to come put out the drama all the time.
holiday
05-14-2008, 05:22 PM
All I want to add is that
• You won't ruin your body. Not at all - that really shouldn't be a worry - and it doesn't matter if you have a baby at 19 or at 29, your body will go back to normal just fine, you're a healthy girl right now, and in shape, so you'll be fine. I had my girl at 26 and have my same body as before.
• Being financially responsible for yourself is important, and I mean, not relying on your parents OR your BF. I know it is hard to imagine right now, because you are in love, buy things change ALL the time between couples, and truthfully, having a baby can sometimes turn things for the worst. Really. And you are right that babies don't take any money, they really just need love. But to give them that love you need time, and that means, not working for a while or having great childcare, which does take time/money. I don't have experience with communes though, so that may be very different scenario.
• You seem like you are just hitting a rhythm here in Portland with dancing and a baby will disrupt that, it will also disrupt your travel plans. You will not be able to travel for a while. Unfortunately I know this one for certain.
I'm just trying to help with the advice/decision making. I know this is a big thing. It must be stressful.
Oh, I also wanted to say that if I was in your shoes I would be very scared of abortion. But if I was only 19 and in your shoes I would probably do it :-\ .
I know your boyfriend wouldn't like that decision but I just have to say...and I hope you don't get mad, but I really just have to say it...I am SO glad I'm not with the guy I was in love with when I was 19. Man we were in love. But man, that would have been bad...!
Okay. That's all of my preachy advice. Good luck girl.