View Full Version : He beat my ass....
AlexxaHex
05-18-2008, 02:33 PM
Definitely let us know when you're out of there and safe. Good luck. I know it's scary to leave but it's absolutely essential to your survival.
xoxoGracexoxo
05-18-2008, 02:38 PM
I hope you're OK, Lucki. I'm sure there are a lot of hurdles to get over to leave this guy, but just do it. Just get out. Like everyone else has said, these guys don't change, and as long as you are with him you are in danger. Getting out is not only imnportant for your safety, it will show you how tough you are and how you can put your safety first and get out of tough situations. You will find a place to sleep, and a new, safer situation to be in. Something better is waiting for you, so get out of this crappy situation and claim it.
Sophia_Ashley
05-18-2008, 02:43 PM
I second what everyone has said, and I truly hope you are somewhere safe! They never change and if its this severe this early on, I hate to be a negative nancy but it's seriously only going to get worse. Judging from this honestly it wouldn't take much for him to lose all control and beat you to death. What he did was premeditated. He actually was able to hold that much anger in to DRIVE home and beat your ass. He's capable of much more I promise you. Get out now. This runs far deeper than just an anger management problem.
MarvelGirl
05-18-2008, 02:56 PM
He is on the phone now apologizing for "hitting me too hard"...
This tells you everything you need to know. He's not sorry he hit you, he's sorry he hit you "too hard".
He can't backpedal on that one, the bastard thought you deserved to get hit, just not so hard.
Run.
Miss Jessica
05-18-2008, 04:23 PM
My question is this. And call me stupid.
How come before, I said that no man would ever hit me. Now that it's happening, why am I so hesitant to do something about it? I feel so FUCKING stupid.
I didn't go through a beating like that, but I have felt the same exact fucking way. (he did put hands on me, I don't want to get into detail as he works for the strip clubs in SF and I'm sure plenty of the girls who know him and know me lurk around here. it was alot more emotional, and verbal abuse from his insecurities) I stuck around a few more months, and it got worse. Never believe all that sorry ass bullshit. Don't let it make you feel safe even for a moment. I was lucky enough to get him out of my apartment and be able to call the cops. I'm not sure where it could have escalated. He was really sensitive and "off". Anyways get out and leave. NOW!!! Please. :(
Flick6
05-18-2008, 04:42 PM
I cant add much more to what has already been posted, but just wanted to let you know, that sounds like a really severe abuse for so early in the relationship. And over something so small. These things tend to escalate and get worse. Which is very very frightening.
Honestly as repulsive as it sounds it would be better to be in a shelter or a cheap motel, or squeezed into a 2 bdroom flat with your parents and grandparents, and I bet if you told them what situation you were in they would agree.
At the very least ring one of the hotlines mentioned previously. speak to a counselor, get your papers (passport bank details whatever you need to survive) together and stash them somewhere safe. Have a plan to get the fck out the next time he threatens you. If you KNOW you cant leave now, at least get a plan together so you can leave and be safe if it happens again.
Have a phone on you at all times so you can call the cops if he starts hitting you again, he sounds very frighteningly violent. You need to make sure you can get help if you think it is going to get worse then it already has. Speak to your neighbours, tell them you are scared, ask then to call the cops if they hear any yelling.
The reason you, and other women in the same circumstances (myself in the past included) stay when we always swore we wouldnt is because it is not as simple as being hit. There is a lot of psychological manipulation that takes place first, they get you to a point where you feel so crazy you dont trust yourself anymore. Your self esteem is destroyed and they DONT PLAY FAIR They lie and lie and lie and act sweet and lovely, but it is all a load of shit. Every sweet word out of his mouth is a lie designed to keep you complacent.
Hope you are okay and safe.
CKXXX
05-18-2008, 05:00 PM
This tells you everything you need to know. He's not sorry he hit you, he's sorry he hit you "too hard".
He can't backpedal on that one, the bastard thought you deserved to get hit, just not so hard.
Run.
I agree. Where are you located? He needs ..NEEDS to be in jail right the fuck NOW. If you are anywhere near me(FL) I might be able to help...PM me to find out info (and you already know who I am I promise...I've been around here a long time)
CinammonGirl
05-18-2008, 05:09 PM
Why is it that he is the sweetest thing in the world one minute, then completely turns on me the next?
Classic trademark of an abuser...They will act nice to get you to think that they're "not so bad", to make up for whatever they did to you or to get you stay in the relationship.
It's easier said than done to leave, because I know most people in these kind of relationships (including myself) have a very hard time leaving..no matter how much we try. Abusers are good at knowing how to gnaw at you and intimidate you from leaving.
The reason you, and other women in the same circumstances (myself in the past included) stay when we always swore we wouldnt is because it is not as simple as being hit. There is a lot of psychological manipulation that takes place first, they get you to a point where you feel so crazy you dont trust yourself anymore. Your self esteem is destroyed and they DONT PLAY FAIR They lie and lie and lie and act sweet and lovely, but it is all a load of shit. Every sweet word out of his mouth is a lie designed to keep you complacent.
Thank you..I agree. These are all factors that make it hard for people to leave these kind of relationships
It was mentioned that are women shelters. Even the police can take you if you don't have transportation. Good luck.
Joplin
05-18-2008, 05:58 PM
I didn't read all of the posts, so I don't know if this has been said but I think the fact that he got mad at work, left in the middle of work drove over to you and still had the rage to beat the shit out of you EXTRA scary.
He had enough anger to up an leave his JOB and then keep it on the drive home! That is really really really bad. More so than someone being in a fight and having it be "a crime of passion", thats bordering pre-meditated...you HAVE to get out of there and into some place really safe.
I wouldn't stay with your family or a friend, Id go to a shelter where your safety will be closely monitored. If he can get pissed and leave his job and keep that anger to beat you up, I can only imagine the anger when he finds out you left or gets out on bond...he has the capability to store that anger for a long time and then have enough to still beat you with it, you HAVE to leave!
i.breathe.in
05-18-2008, 05:58 PM
im hoping the fact shes not around to answer means she got out, not that he got at her again....
Polekitten
05-18-2008, 06:04 PM
im hoping the fact shes not around to answer means she got out, not that he got at her again....
I know, I keep checking this thread to see if shes replied yet, I really hope shes ok.
MissTaylor
05-18-2008, 06:37 PM
According to her blog, she doesn't have internet access at home. And she posted something this morning on her blog that was kinda scary.
Nini Nieb
05-18-2008, 06:37 PM
I didn't read all of the posts, so I don't know if this has been said but I think the fact that he got mad at work, left in the middle of work drove over to you and still had the rage to beat the shit out of you EXTRA scary.
He had enough anger to up an leave his JOB and then keep it on the drive home! That is really really really bad. More so than someone being in a fight and having it be "a crime of passion", thats bordering pre-meditated...you HAVE to get out of there and into some place really safe.
I wouldn't stay with your family or a friend, Id go to a shelter where your safety will be closely monitored. If he can get pissed and leave his job and keep that anger to beat you up, I can only imagine the anger when he finds out you left or gets out on bond...he has the capability to store that anger for a long time and then have enough to still beat you with it, you HAVE to leave!
Excellent point !! He is on work. He is driving home. He had plenty of time to deal with his anger !! When I come to think about it is NOT anger. It is premeditated !!! It is punishment !!! In his mind he has the right to punish you !!!
So they say ... Everybody deserve a second chance !! This guy ... I don't think so !!! He crossed a line he shouldn't have been crossing !!
Do it legally !! Press charges !!
Are you good friends with some of the bouncers of your club ?? Maybe they could teach him a lesson he won't soon forget !? Very educational ... It gives me such a good mental image !!
Zinaida
05-18-2008, 06:40 PM
OMG my father would be in jail for murder if something like this happened to me.
Pretty_Penny
05-18-2008, 06:41 PM
yeah... her blog is... unsettling. :(
Midori Kiss
05-18-2008, 06:54 PM
what's her blog say? lucki where are you?? I hope you're okay..please leave..call the cops and get out!!
LuckiCharm
05-18-2008, 07:15 PM
I'm ok guys...right after I posted here he came back and it happened some more. I'll update you guys later. I'm working on getting out...I've been talking to a girl at work about staying with her. My whole body is just sore.
Elvia
05-18-2008, 07:18 PM
Oh my God this is so frightening.
You need to call the cops. Have him arrested.
MissTaylor
05-18-2008, 07:20 PM
Call The Police.
i.breathe.in
05-18-2008, 07:21 PM
what the fuck, call the cops?!
AlexxaHex
05-18-2008, 07:24 PM
Jeezus fucking shit...that's so sad. PLEASE get out of there! What are you waiting for?
Victoryx0x0
05-18-2008, 07:27 PM
it happened some more? I can not sit here and read this and not be infuriated with this man. i would call the cops right now, and have him arrested, that is assault and he can do time for that. is the apartment in his name? or both of your names? can you work part time dancing to make enough money to get OUT of there, stay in a hotel till you save enough $ to get your own apartment? point is you need to get OUT. he doesnt LOVE you or he wouldnt hurt you, should be nothing making you stay there. take pictures of ur bruises and call the cops.
BalletBaby
05-18-2008, 07:27 PM
Can you go to the police station or have someone drive you? I don't know how long it takes the cops to arrive and well, this bastard sounds like a ticking time bomb:-\
:hug::hug::hug::hug:
Callyish
05-18-2008, 07:28 PM
Girl CALL THE COPS!!! Don't hesitate. They can give you a safe place to hide until you can get shit sorted out. Also PRESS CHARGES!
I've been through this... I had my ex arrested for assault. The cops got me out of there, waited while I packed my shit and they sent me to a wonderful womens shelter to stay at until I got stuff together for myself.
I hope everything works out *hugs*
Nini Nieb
05-18-2008, 07:31 PM
I'm ok guys...right after I posted here he came back and it happened some more. I'll update you guys later. I'm working on getting out...I've been talking to a girl at work about staying with her. My whole body is just sore.
Nice to hear from you !! We have been so worried !! But IMO you shouldn't waste your time just to recooperate. Go to the hospital and get documentation !!!
hardkandee
05-18-2008, 08:08 PM
Please listen to everyone here and call the police. He needs to be arrested.
Sindi
05-18-2008, 08:09 PM
Uh if you call the cops and they arrest him you can go right to the police station and file a temporary restarting order and then go to court in the morning and get a real one ......u will have the apartment until you figure something else out .....geez baby doll, this is happening because your letting it right now....I mean the 1st time it was his fault but every time after that honey you can only blame yourself ......you know what I mean ????
I hope thats not coming out wrong , i mean its not your fault that your getting beat but your staying there ......hes going to kill yous someday honey
Please get out , now , go go go
ahmeerah
05-18-2008, 08:26 PM
(((((((((hug))))))) Geat advice from everyone.
Get out of the situation asap and notify authorities. What he did is unforgivable.
i.breathe.in
05-18-2008, 08:27 PM
you can lead a horse to water.....
*frustrated sigh*
Flick6
05-18-2008, 09:22 PM
There is no point being "frustrated" with someone who is a victim of abuse. If it frustrates you walk away from this thread. Dont make it worse for her by expressing your judgments on how quickly she is acting.
She already has one person telling her what she should do, her abuser. Having you treat her like an idiot for staying will not do anything but put her down even more. Which is the last thing she needs. really, I know it is hard to watch someone be hurt, especially over and over again. But unless you are standing in her shoes right now you do not know how she feels. you cannot comprehend the confusion and fear and pain and shame she is experiencing. Even if you have been in an abusive relationship yourself, you are not in this one.
Give her support and advice if you can, but stop making snarky little comments about how she should be doing what YOU think is best (and obviously I agree with what you all think is best), she is a grown up and until she reaches those conclusions herself all you are going to do is alienate her from a place where she obviously feels supported.
Hello_Kitty27
05-18-2008, 09:26 PM
wow, i came here just to check this out for updates ... it's unsettling!!! Luckicharm, I hope you're OK, that's scary that something more happened.
Please don't forget that you did not do anything to deserve this, you are not stupid ....he's just a scumbag. Who needs to be in jail right now.
i.breathe.in
05-18-2008, 09:53 PM
woah woah woah slow down there, princess....
i have been in her shoes, twice. im not the only one telling her she needs to get the fuck out of there. you want her to take her time? i sure as fuck dont, i want her safe! i think were all frustrated and scared for her. i can comprehend what she is going through dont presume to know anything about me, unless i have told you.
i dont think anyone in this thread has alienated her. id let her stay at my house as long as needed if i knew where she was and was within distance within a heartbeat.
go take your tirade somewhere else.
There is no point being "frustrated" with someone who is a victim of abuse. If it frustrates you walk away from this thread. Dont make it worse for her by expressing your judgments on how quickly she is acting.
She already has one person telling her what she should do, her abuser. Having you treat her like an idiot for staying will not do anything but put her down even more. Which is the last thing she needs. really, I know it is hard to watch someone be hurt, especially over and over again. But unless you are standing in her shoes right now you do not know how she feels. you cannot comprehend the confusion and fear and pain and shame she is experiencing. Even if you have been in an abusive relationship yourself, you are not in this one.
Give her support and advice if you can, but stop making snarky little comments about how she should be doing what YOU think is best (and obviously I agree with what you all think is best), she is a grown up and until she reaches those conclusions herself all you are going to do is alienate her from a place where she obviously feels supported.
Pretty_Penny
05-18-2008, 10:39 PM
i don't think there's anything wrong with saying it's frustrating.
you can be frustrated with someone and still care about them. in fact, i'm gonna go right ahead and say frustration is a healthy emotion to feel when you see someone hurting themselves or allowing someone else to hurt them.
Elvia
05-18-2008, 10:45 PM
I noticed she deleted the poem on her blog that she wrote about it. I hope it wasn't what triggered the second attack.
Flick6
05-19-2008, 04:22 AM
Sorry if it came across as a tirade, perhaps you know the op a lot better than I do and she understand your style of writing, but the comment "you can lead a horse to water..." didnt seem like it was particularly helpful. I didnt think you were trying to alienate her, I was pointing out that making judgmental sounding comments to women that are in abusive situations is not helpful. As I am sure you remember from your own experience.
I agree she should get the fuck out of there, I agree its frustrating to see someone being hurt. I just dont think you need to say it in a smart assey kind of way when she is obviously in an incredibly fragile place that is all.
ETA and I have been in her shoes too, and I still wouldnt presume I know how she feels right now, because I am not her and I am not there right now, I am not negating your empathy or anything like that. I have done a lot of work with women that have been victims of abuse and one thing I have learned is that it is important to help build someones self esteem if you want to see them walk away somewhere safer.
woah woah woah slow down there, princess....
i have been in her shoes, twice. im not the only one telling her she needs to get the fuck out of there. you want her to take her time? i sure as fuck dont, i want her safe! i think were all frustrated and scared for her. i can comprehend what she is going through dont presume to know anything about me, unless i have told you.
i dont think anyone in this thread has alienated her. id let her stay at my house as long as needed if i knew where she was and was within distance within a heartbeat.
go take your tirade somewhere else.
ColetteCalahan
05-19-2008, 05:31 AM
Lucki, I hope you call the cops, get out, and get somewhere safe QUICKLY.
DO NOT GO HOME. possessions are simply material things. honestly, sleeping in your car for a night is safer than sleeping there w/ him. Do you have any friends from work?
and one more thing... does he know you blog? I only ask because these kinds of guys are super-controlling and most likely will know the details of all your personal actions... don't give him another excuse. Even if it means keeping us in the dark, STOP BLOGGING if he knows where to find it.
I really, really hope you get out NOW, get his ass PUNISHed so he can't do this to the next girl (AND PLEASE THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!!), and go somewhere safe... if you fail to put him in jail and document this crime, it WILL happen to someone else. WOrry about yourself first, but please give this man to the proper authorities to handle him.... men like this are a plague on society and should be behind bars with their fucking diseases to torture them.
Lysondra
05-19-2008, 07:44 AM
I have moved three times with nothing more than two suitcases. There's only a handful of things I miss. And all of them I can live without. Material things are truly easily replaced.
Alia_of_the_Knife
05-19-2008, 07:54 AM
Pretty much what everyone else said.
Also take pictures of what happened to you. There is no excuse for what he did. Him saying "sorry" is a bunch of b.s. Stay safe. Good luck to you :hug:
funtasticFerra
05-19-2008, 07:55 AM
First of all, I don't believe GOD put you in that situation... you put yourself there. That being said I AM SOOOOOO SORRY that you had to experience that! No matter why you are in this situation the important thing to do is GET THE FUCK OUT! Do not EVER let a man disrespect you and physically abuse you and stand for it. Do what ever you have to do to leave. Wait until he's gone and RUN. Don't worry about packing if he's not going to be gone long... leave your stuff. STUFF can be replaced, you can not.
When you do get out, take some time to heal and think about what happened. Talking about it may hurt but it will help you move on and be able to understand what if anything you can look for next time so that you don't end up with another asshole.
If you need anything pm me and I'll do what ever I can.
loveandluxury
05-19-2008, 08:00 AM
I just want you to know I'm thinking about you, Lucki, and I hope you're okay. :hug:
Sinder
05-19-2008, 08:26 AM
Lucki, I hope your safe and find help. This guy doesn't deserve you. He needs his ass beat. What kind of real man feels tough about beating up a woman?
*forms a SW posse, brandishes sharp, hard objects, and hunts down this piece of shit for hurting our Lucki*
Polekitten
05-19-2008, 08:46 AM
Lucki I've had you on my mind all day and checked this thread as soon as I got home. I'm glad you got back in touch but I'm not glad to hear that you've been abused again.
Take control hon, don't let it happen again. I'm so worried for you I have goose bumps all over. Get out of there, do whatever it takes, you absolutely do not deserve this abuse. This man is dangerous.
I really hope your ok hon, get in touch, even via pm if you have to just to let us know you ok. My thoughts are with you, xxx
pookie
05-19-2008, 10:22 AM
I hope she is ok!
KamrynAnne
05-19-2008, 11:35 AM
i hope you have found somewhere safe to go... its easier said than done though.. especially if theres not a lot of close friends to go stay with...
StrawberrySwitchblade
05-19-2008, 12:00 PM
Lucki, where are you located? If you need someone to cry to, PM me and I will give you info. Seriously! Completely anonymous.
Be safe and take care of you, honey!
Aubreyyy
05-19-2008, 01:27 PM
Lucki, if you're located near me, PM me. I've got a super comfy couch, and you could even come to work with me to earn some $$$ in the city before striking out on your own. I'm serious, let me know :)
BrunetteGoddess
05-19-2008, 01:32 PM
I'm pretty sure I know what state she's in and city. If anybody is in the South in a state near Florida, you might want to ask her if she wants some help....
CinammonGirl
05-19-2008, 04:07 PM
I wouldn't stay with your family or a friend, I'd go to a shelter where your safety will be closely monitored.
I don't want to add any more fear, but you have a point...because I've heard stories about abusers going to the parents' or friends' house and giving them a hard time, threatening them...
A shelter's address is confidential.
RoseLeigh
05-19-2008, 04:41 PM
Been offline for a day-Lucki I hope you are okay. Please listen to people who are trying to help. A lot of us have been there. I can't offer a place to stay, but if you need anything, an ear, whatever, you can PM me.
GrlWithTheMost
05-19-2008, 04:57 PM
leave!!!! with NOTHING if you have to.. I was in an abusive/horrible relationship about a year ago, and he never put his hands on me, but left me stranded at home w/o a phone or car keys, or food or anything.. and I was stupid bc I 'loved' him... and bc it was sometimes good... girl pack ur shit, fuck the ties you have together, fuck everything... just leave
trust me there is someone out there that will respect u and treat u good and love u and never put his hands on u
i thank god everyday that i left that asshole... and now i met mr. right who is fabulous, and who im going to have a baby with.. and i think to myself everyday.. why did it happen with THIS guy, and not the abusive asshole??! and thank god it didnt!!!