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jaizaine
06-17-2008, 11:37 PM
wow i just read your blog. i love the ending that u said u r not sorry. women shouldnt be made to feel guilty about this.

NinaDaisy
06-18-2008, 03:04 AM
Glad to hear it wasn't traumatic and you were well taken care of. Take time for yourself to heal and don't look back.

Nini Nieb
06-18-2008, 05:40 AM
i did it.

details late rmaybe.

You did the right thing :-* Best wishes !!!

jasmine
06-18-2008, 05:58 AM
I'm glad your feeling better and got through the needles with out any problems. Try to rest and take care of yourself.

Andygirl
06-18-2008, 06:39 AM
I'm glad everything went smoothly for you. Best wishes.

Nini Nieb
06-18-2008, 06:42 AM
Sorry ... It's me again ... I just want to add ... IMO ... You can be really proud of your self ... For more than one reason ...

You ended the realtionship w/ your loser/BF all by your self ... Good going !!!

You seeked the support of your family and you got it ... Respect !!!

You did find the courage to go to the hospital !!!

You still work on your NZ/project ...

You have been a very good inspiration to us all !!!

Thanks !!!

phillyvixen
06-18-2008, 07:40 AM
Best wishes

lovelife
06-18-2008, 08:13 AM
I'm glad things went so well...take care of yourself love

StarryEyes
06-18-2008, 11:51 AM
:hug: I know it must've been hard. You did what you felt was best. :hug:

anomar
06-18-2008, 01:22 PM
Sorry ... It's me again ... I just want to add ... IMO ... You can be really proud of your self ... For more than one reason ...

You ended the realtionship w/ your loser/BF all by your self ... Good going !!!

You seeked the support of your family and you got it ... Respect !!!

You did find the courage to go to the hospital !!!

You still work on your NZ/project ...

You have been a very good inspiration to us all !!!

Thanks !!!

QFT!!

Shanti
06-18-2008, 03:19 PM
I am extremely depressed today-- like so sad and emotionally removed I can't even cry. Apparently the neighbors at my old apartment called the cops on my boyfriend the day I left because they heard him yelling, and they told the landlord. My stepdad went to pick up the deposit from the LL today and the ll told him the other tenants thought he was beating me. My mom doesn't understand why i didn't tell her. I really don't either. I don't understand how my life got like this. This time last year I was just leaving for Portland, ready to go to school and start a life out there, and now.... I'm back where I started with no friends, hardly any credits from the school i went to (on account of ex-bf moving in to my dorm room 2 weeks after we started dating and me being weak and getting distracted), a whole year wasted, thousands of dollars wasted on supporting him, countless hours spent working and nothing at all to show for it.

I dont even know what to do right now. I have a couple friends here, but I don't feel like talking to them. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I can write online and in my blog and my journals, but that's about as far as i can get communication wise.... I don't feel like going outside. I don't want to go outside, I feel too stupid. I feel fat and gross from being pregnant, I still feel bloated and my boobs are still painful and big. I wish my uterus hurt more so I could feel something. It's not even cramping and I'm hardly bleeding at all. I just want it to hurt really bad so I have something to focus on. I dont even know where to go from here. I tried going to college, I hated it, it's not for me. I want to go to an alternative university and learn natural medicine or reiki, but I dont have the money for it andI don't want to strip. To be honest, I'm just sick of working. I worked for TWO people, well more like three because my boyfriend was like supporting two people with all the food he ate and weed he smoked. Ij ust want a break. I don't want to pay rent, I don't want to pay bills, I don't want to buy groceries, I dont even want to buy gas. I don't want to work. I'm sick of dancing, I have panic attacks at regular jobs like retail and restaurant- it's too overwhelming. At least with dancing I'm in control and I play by my own rules within reason. I just want to go away somewhere other than here for at least a month by myself and clear my head- like a yoga retreat or a juice fasting detox place with therapy- but it costs too much and I dont have any money anymore and I am too emotionally fucked up to work.

CKXXX
06-18-2008, 03:27 PM
Calm down. You are staying at your parents right? just stay there for a little while...dont work,rest, heal, relax and decide what you want to do next. Take your time. Your still SO young. I wasted YEARS with my ex...though not really. The time wasnt wasted because I learned and grew from it..and so did you. You might not see it right now,but you will.

I look back at that time now and,even though it sucked HARD...I realize now that it HAD to happen for other things in my life to shape the way they did. If I had left my ex earlier I might not have met my husband..who I love with all my heart and we've been together now for over 10 years.

Everything happens for a reason. It's normal for you to be depressed right now after all you've just gone through. It might not be a bad idea to see a therapist...talk it all out, figure out what you want out of life.

This isnt the time to rush anything. You have a chance now to start all over and do things the way YOU want to.

StarryEyes
06-18-2008, 03:32 PM
You are going through a lot right now. Take it day by day. Now is not the time to be dwelling on the past. What's done is done. Now is not the time to be dwelling on the future either. Just care care of yourself now. Give yourself a break until you feel stronger again. I think you're growing so much from this, and growth isn't always easy or comfortable, so go easy and be patient with yourself, and treat yourself gently. You've had an overwhelming year and there is a lot to be learned from it all, but for now just know that you did what you felt was best & there is not much more you can do. Keep journaling and blogging and getting eveything out. And know that we are here for you. :hug:

VegasPrincess
06-18-2008, 03:40 PM
^^^

I definitely can relate to wanting to run away and just fuck off all your responsibilities ... I know how stressful it is to have to support somebody...But don't worry, things are better now. You will have to work a hell of a lot less since you aren't supporting your bf anymore. I can relate to the panic attack thing too Unfortunately, life doesn't stop and the best thing that you can do for your anxiety is to take a break (which you deserve you've been through a lot. I'm not saying you should go to work tommorrow or anything) and then just jump back on the work horse. Maybe dance for a bit til you find something else.

I know for many people (I'm one of them) anxiety is linked to a feeling of helplessness....Any steps that you can take to overcome those feelings and to show yourself that you CAN take care of yourself and you can get through it will really go a long way in resolving those issues for you.

Best wishes to you my dear!

Shanti
06-18-2008, 04:20 PM
nm...

iambonbon05
06-18-2008, 04:26 PM
Sounds like the best decision. He sounds like a real loser, I'm sorry you went through that.

thisunrest
06-18-2008, 10:44 PM
Be gentle to yourself right now,Gypsy...youve been thru a lot.If you can, go ahead and give yourself at least a month to heal,and plan.Ask your parents if they will support you for 30-60 days.Don't rest too long,though, or getting "back on the horse" will become scarier in your mind.This is just imho.

Good luck((hugs))

anomar
06-18-2008, 10:48 PM
I see that you have made your account dormant and I understand if at your point in life SW has nothing to offer you... however, thank you so much for updating us and keeping us in the loop in your life, because you are cared for deeply and always have a community here.

Pretty_Penny
06-18-2008, 11:31 PM
if you check into SW to see this thread, i wanted to say this:

i think you've made a giant leap forward. knowing that you need improvement and seeking it out is seriously one of the most honorable qualities you can have. never stop trying to better yourself. become who you want to be, as cheesy as that sounds. the fact that you're doing something about your life means that one day, if you choose to go through with a pregnancy, you're on the right path to being a great mother.

also, i saw on your blog that you're emetaphobic. i wanted you to know that although it's not well known by most, there are still plenty of people (including myself) who know how difficult that is.

i'm not emetaphobic, but i have a friend who is. i, myself, have fairly severe hypochondriasis coupled with ocd. i don't usually talk about hypochondriasis or bring it up because of the stigma associated with it/it not being taken "seriously"...

but i wanted to tell you i understand phobia. once i read that, the rest of this thread (about the IV and such) made total sense.

thechaosfairy
06-19-2008, 04:25 AM
I see that you have made your account dormant and I understand if at your point in life SW has nothing to offer you... however, thank you so much for updating us and keeping us in the loop in your life, because you are cared for deeply and always have a community here.

QFT. :-)

cutey5032
06-19-2008, 10:34 AM
I'm back where I started with no friends, hardly any credits from the school i went to (on account of ex-bf moving in to my dorm room 2 weeks after we started dating and me being weak and getting distracted), a whole year wasted, thousands of dollars wasted on supporting him, countless hours spent working and nothing at all to show for it.

:hug: Gypsy if you are reading this, remember that you are only 19 and have only danced a year (I think). Sure, you may have wasted a year and 10 G's on your exbf. BUT....from now on everything you make will be yours. And you'll never make that mistake again of supporting someone, be glad you learned that lesson quick. Because it takes some people a lot longer to wise up when it comes to that. So I hope you don't beat yourself up for it, if you decide to keep dancing you can STILL save a shitload of money and do everything you want to do.

TigersMilk
06-19-2008, 10:39 AM
She's unable to read these because you need an account to read SW now.