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Yekhefah
06-25-2008, 08:41 PM
Please don't take this as an attack on you, but... this whole situation is fucked up. This is why you need to move out ASAP. Either you're in a relationship or you're not! This bizarre we're-going-to-break-up-and-I'm-already-checked-out-but-we're-keeping-up-the-charade-of-a-relationship-as-long-as-it's-convenient would have me going out every night too. It's not healthy for either one of you.

HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. You've already broken up with him. There is no "we" left in this relationship. My ex and I are still friends but there has to be a clear and firm separation and a recovery period for that to be possible. He's perfectly entitled to go out with whomever he wants for as late as he wants, because he is single. You've told him so already, and frankly it's pretty selfish of you to expect him to pretend to be your boyfriend when you've already effectively broken up with him. And if he thinks it's "disrespectful" for you to go out - so fucking what? You're a young, beautiful, single woman and you can go out with whomever you damn well please.

But girl, you GOTTA move out. This whole thing is bringing you down because it's fucked up and you know it. Get a roommate on craigslist or something.

gingerlee
06-25-2008, 08:45 PM
If my boyfriend went out every single night without me he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore. I'll put up with lots of shit, but that would drive me bat shit crazy.

fluffypenguin
06-25-2008, 10:45 PM
Going out seven nights a week without you? Mate, he is seriously busting his ass to avoid you!!! Stop clinging onto something that doesn't exist. You do need to move out, it shouldn't be too hard, it's not like you have kids to juggle, or a mortgage or anything.. As for the money owing thing, let that be his problem, he let it get to that amount without trying to sort out a arrangement with you. You obviously can't pay half the bills if you don't have a job, even a dickhead would know that. Tell him you'll sort that out once you have your shit together.
Casually mention to everyone you know that you need to move out. You will be surprised, people really do like to help, I'm sure someone will offer you a couch for a week or two at least, or even look after your dog for awhile so you can move on.
It's time for you to be totally totally selfish, you aren't in a relationship, you are living with a bitter child/adult. Cut your losses, get over him, and move on. seriously.

Bunny
06-26-2008, 01:52 PM
Every single night without me, yes, I'd care. What's the point of having a boyfriend if he doesn't take me out?

DeftonesGrl
06-26-2008, 01:57 PM
Hell yes I would care.

PB, you're better than this. Start couch surfing if you have to. Obviously you cannot handle living together after a break up and neither can he. You're both looking for two different kinds of respect it seems and this can only get uglier.

PrettyCurlieQ
06-26-2008, 02:39 PM
Yes.

I want him to have a social life (monotany is no fun) but I want to be a part of it. Not that I want to go everywhere with him, but he should spend time with his friends, and he should spend time at home. He would hear about it if he spent every single night out with the boys.

Mily
06-26-2008, 04:00 PM
Sweetie, the situation you are in right now sounds A LOT like the one I was in when me and my ex were still living together and eventually I figured out that he was NOT going to change-- at least not while I was just sitting at home, and he was out partying.

You need to pick yourself up and start making SERIOUS plans to move out. Do you have any friends or relatives in the area? A car? When I left my ex, I drove all the way from Northern California to Southern Texas to go live with my brother. I did what I HAD to do, and you need to do the same thing. Even if I had to stay in a damn hotel and strip to pay for the room, I would do just that. Yek made a great suggestion about going through Craigslist to find a roomate. It is time to put your foot down, be strong, and move on with your life.

Hello_Kitty27
06-26-2008, 08:14 PM
Every so often is no biggie, but if it was an all the time thing, it'd get to me and I'd start wondering why, what's going on etc. At some point, if you're dating or in a relationship, you need to share some evenings out with the friends. that's just how I feel.

dangerousdiva
06-27-2008, 11:39 AM
We cnt afford to go out like that every night. Half our utilities ar shut off and he wants 5grand from me to pay off bills before I go...and I am obligated to pay because I didnt work or pay bills for so long..but it frustrates the shit out of me that he goes out and we are struggling so bad and I have to make it up.

^ That crap is what concerns me the most.

Hon, you have some major thinking errors. You're in the the throws of a toxic codependent relationship.

You keep holding each other responsible for your own bad decisions. You don't owe him a penny! He chose to support you while you chose not to work. Paying him five grand before you leave? That's RIDICULOUS! Leave and pay your own student loans back. You both think you need or owe each other to survive. You don't need him, you don't owe him! It's time to sink or swim, babe and with him you're drowning.

He's an immature roommate not your boyfriend or your best friend. Who cares what he does? Focus on you and your goals. You may struggle now but cutting all the codependent strings holding you together its the most healthy thing you can do.

Please heed this advice and move on with your life for the better.

sexyjasmine
06-27-2008, 11:55 AM
yes because I need quality time with my man and i would wonder what the hell is going on and why he feels the need to be away from me so much

UltraViolet
06-27-2008, 11:57 AM
Also wanted to add to my previous post:

He wants 5 grand because he chose to support you? That's not how it works. You were in a relationship together, that's what people do for each other!I could see if maybe you were just good friends, he could have made a written agreement that you would pay him back. but he didn't. He has no way of forcing you to pay this, and it's really shitty of him to do so. You think you owe this asshole money so he can survive while you're gone? Hell no. He'll sink or swim without you and hopefully learn that when half of the utilities are off in your home that you don't go out and spend ANY amount of money 7 days a week!

dangerousdiva
06-27-2008, 12:05 PM
The only mistakes are the ones you learn nothing from.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to commingle finances with a partner unless you're married. And that's when you've both entered the marriage on relatively equal financial footing.

madmaxine
06-28-2008, 02:26 AM
You don't owe him a penny! He chose to support you while you chose not to work. Paying him five grand before you leave? That's RIDICULOUS! Leave and pay your own student loans back. You both think you need or owe each other to survive. You don't need him, you don't owe him! It's time to sink or swim, babe and with him you're drowning.

Please heed this advice and move on with your life for the better.

QFT! If I was asked for 5 grand like that I'd take his kidney as compensation before paying him.

Line some things up and move out secretly. He doesn't deserve another second of your energy.

lilymiaomiao
06-28-2008, 10:37 AM
My boyfriend used to do this, because he was so "busy"/"socially active"/whatever, and literally the only times i saw him were if we worked together, or right before bed, and sometimes we'd have sex.

Uh yeah i felt pretty distant from him and like he didn't really like spending time with me that much, and i broke up with him because our so-called "relationship" kind of sucked (plus other reasons). We got back together, and he's really great now, but thats another topic.

Every single night of the week is too much, maybe you should talk to him about it?

loveandluxury
06-28-2008, 10:42 AM
Absolutely not. I want my alone time and my space too but my husband goes out to play golf a few times a week and it's wonderful. I have control of the TV and the internet and I can just relax.. plus he gets to do something for himself too. If he went every day, that would be a problem. He goes 2-3 days a week and it's perfect.

UltraViolet
06-28-2008, 12:33 PM
PB, are you OK? No more responses from you.

Mare
06-29-2008, 03:54 AM
I skipped to page 3. But a bf doesn't go out every night w/out you. He's macking on other chicks. Other than that ... what they all said ^^^^^^.