View Full Version : Why is it okay for women to hit?
NewMoon
06-28-2008, 08:21 AM
VegasPrincess- I'm sorry but I've been in a 4 year common-law relationship and I NEVER would have tolerated him calling me a whore even during an argument.
VegasPrincess
06-29-2008, 01:04 PM
Different couples draw up different rules to what's acceptable. To what's cheating, what's fighting fair, who has to mow the lawn, and so on and so forth. It's not always conventional, and it's never a one-size fits all situation.
.
THANK YOU
I'm sorry. I just can't imagine being cool with being shoved and called a whore by a man I felt compelled to slap on a regular basis. I'm not trying to be judgemental, just... you know... that really seems okay? To anyone?
.
Yek, I don't think you got the point of my story :( Also, my boyfriend never shoved me I just said that I don't consider a light shove to be abusive.
My point was, I am a very fiery emotional person, and yes I have hissy fits, temper tantrums, and cuss and swear. My boyfriend is the same way. The point is, we're both adults, we know this about each other and our relationship is the farthest thing from abusive, if you knew either one of us.
Much as you can't imagine my boyfriend getting pissed and calling me a whore (which lol the whole thing is funny in hindsight) I can't imagine NEVER getting pissed off at my boyfriend ... and never yelling at him and calling him a naughty word or two. It's just how I am. That might not be how YOU are, or anyone else is but it doesn't mean I'm fucked up. For instance I dated somebody a long time ago who would never ever raise his voice or yell, and if I did he would just leave the house. For me, that didn't work. If I am upset I do yell, and when people don't ever get upset like that, it makes me think they are stifling their emotions or being cold.
My boyfriend loves me adores me takes care of me, etc. And I do the same for him. Sometimes he pisses me off and I call him a bastard. It doesn't mean I'm "abusing him" it means I was crabby and snapped. Maybe I'm just not a sophisticated person, and maybe I should say something else, but he doesn't take it to heart much the same way I don't take it to heart if he says something to me....we're both very passionate and get in arguments that would never result to any sort of horrible violent incident or anything of that sort.
I would also like to add that we are just as passionate about loving each other as we are about fighting with each other. We have sex a couple times a day, do crazy sweet things for each other, would do anything for each other, etc. We're both very passionate people, and our relationship while not perfect, is one hundred percent satisfying to me and I would never want things any other way.
On a final note, when we got into the fight with name calling and slapping, neither one of us was exactly sober, and we were both over it like fifteen minutes later.
Yekhefah
06-29-2008, 05:32 PM
If it works for you, great.
kandie_kitten
06-29-2008, 05:36 PM
I'm with Yek. And I completely agreee with this:
"I do not think it is ever ok for a woman to hit a man. It's a 2 way strreet. give respect to get it. who cares if he's bigger and can cause more damage. it isnt about the amount of damaged caused. it's simply about respect."
It has little to do with who causes the most physical damage...it has to do with the mental/emtoional ramifications, and the complete lack of respect hittingname-calling displays.
Andygirl
06-30-2008, 10:49 PM
If it works for you, great.
Some couples fight more passionately than others and say terrible things in the heat of an argument. They don't necessarily mean it, but they might just use it as ammunition in a fight. I'm not saying it happens every day, or even every month. It's more like every once in a great while, in the heat of a severe argument. Just because it happens sometimes doesn't mean you can't still have a healthy relationship.
I think it's great if you and your husband don't ever fight like that, but a lot of other people do. No, it's not ideal, nor is it a good thing to do, but we are humans and we make mistakes. Hot tempered people have to struggle to hold back, and once in a while something slips out. It's not the end of the world.
Yekhefah
06-30-2008, 10:54 PM
No, but I do think it's an indicator of respect. I'm a fairly hot-tempered person myself, and trust me, I will speak my mind when I'm pissed (okay, shout it). But it has never occurred to me to deliberately try to cause K any pain. Likewise, shoving and calling names like "whore" wouldn't enter into the relationship because it's just not in our minds. I think if a guy impulsively calls you a whore, it's because at least part of his brain already considers you a whore. At that point it's not about the name-calling, it's about the lack of respect it shows.
But like y'all said, maybe people are just different. I can't conceive of a relationship where loving people deliberately try to hurt each other, but I guess my relationship has its quirks too. We're all adults here, y'all do what you want.
I don't think it's healthy at all to call the other person names and hit-- just being passionate or not. Been there done that, and I learned from my mistakes. I'm getting older and wiser. I definitely don't need or want the drama. :no:
kaiarose
07-03-2008, 12:56 PM
This kind of shit pisses me off. I honestly believe that if a woman hits a man first he has every right to hit her back. I've seen so many women provoke their bf's and slap them upside the head and instigate situations by saying shit like "What now?" "What are you going to hit me?!" And the guys always back down because most men are taught not to hit a woman. Fuck that. Knock the bitch out! If I were provoking, I'd expect nothing less.
Clara_M
07-03-2008, 01:49 PM
^^^ I actually saw a situation where a guy got slapped, and slapped back (neither of which was very hard). It was pretty funny seeing the stunned look on her face. It sort-of transpired from listening that she'd done it quite a number of times before, and had yet to get this reaction, which I also agree she "deserved" - because yes, while I'm very much against physical violence, I make an exception for "tit-for-tat" along with self-defence. It certainly made the point better than any explanation could have, I think, and I doubt that she'll engage in that behaviour again (who am I kidding?).
I'd certainly expect to get slapped back if I slapped a guy around.
NewMoon
07-03-2008, 02:56 PM
This kind of shit pisses me off. I honestly believe that if a woman hits a man first he has every right to hit her back. I've seen so many women provoke their bf's and slap them upside the head and instigate situations by saying shit like "What now?" "What are you going to hit me?!" And the guys always back down because most men are taught not to hit a woman. Fuck that. Knock the bitch out! If I were provoking, I'd expect nothing less.
I have a better idea. Dump the bitch and walk away.
Jenny
07-03-2008, 03:36 PM
This kind of shit pisses me off. I honestly believe that if a woman hits a man first he has every right to hit her back. I've seen so many women provoke their bf's and slap them upside the head and instigate situations by saying shit like "What now?" "What are you going to hit me?!"
What kind of people are you spending time with that you see this all the time? I've never seen this. Ever. And I grew up in a total white trash town.
And the guys always back down because most men are taught not to hit a woman. Fuck that. Knock the bitch out! If I were provoking, I'd expect nothing less.I think this actually speaks to what I said before - that there is a big difference between slapping a guy's head and "knocking the bitch out". I have a "relative" whose boyfriend would have done you proud though. She "slapped him in the head" and he and two friends beat the crap out of her in front of her 4 year old. They really "knocked that bitch out". Will she do it again? Probably not. I guess that "bitch" learned her lesson. And they set a great example for her kid, so two birds right? I mean that little girl knows what she "deserves" if she slaps a man in the face. Of course, now she's a teenager, so a ripe age to start putting it in practice.
kaiarose
07-04-2008, 10:20 AM
I guess I know alot of bitches! I've actually been one of those bitches. Knowing I wouldn't get hit back. But I definitely deserved to.