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keira0304
07-07-2008, 06:23 PM
Why is that an awesome post? I still don't understand why a woman would choose to be with someone that abuses her. There are TONS of men in the world that would NEVER lay a hand on a woman. Why not use THEM as your "flashlight in the woods?"

This is something you will never understand because you are a man. Typically, women do not abuse men, it's the other way around. It would be near impossible for you to understand how it feels to be in that sort of relationship. Just like you will never know how it feels to be pregnant or have PMS.

Also, I did not CHOOSE to remain in an abusive relationship. I didn't even know it was an abusive relationship until I got out of it, and that's how it usually is. If you've ever been manipulated or lied to and then had a revelation about what happened and felt stupid about what happened earlier, that's the kind of feeling you get once you're out.

I didn't CHOOSE to remain in it. I tried to leave, several times. Literally the DAY before I found out I was pregnant, I had already booked my own hotel and plane ticket to leave and make a clean break. Then, I found out and was emotional and he made me feel like he was he only one who cared and the only one who understood me and manipulated me into moving to fl with him. I tried to leave again, several times when I was living with him there, it was only after he had gone miles past any line he had ever crossed before that I tried to leave.

People who are schizophrenic and bipolar don't choose to be mentally ill. People who are in abusive relationships don't choose to be in them, they are trapped, and eventually they choose to get out, just like eventually people with mental illnesses choose to get help.

gingergrl
07-07-2008, 06:44 PM
Why is that an awesome post? I still don't understand why a woman would choose to be with someone that abuses her. There are TONS of men in the world that would NEVER lay a hand on a woman. Why not use THEM as your "flashlight in the woods?"

Im pretty sure the tone in which your posting is the same tone the police gave her. Not encouraging.

Men look at things diffrently then women you must admit that. And if that is so we need help and encouragement in a diffrent way too.

kandie_kitten
07-07-2008, 06:52 PM
Okay, DO NOT tell him you went to the police. Someone who pushes you and yanks your hair when he's angry over stuff you say, is likely to go ballistic when he realizes he's about to be exposed as an abuser, and do some serious damage to you.

Further more, I highly recommend NOT seeing him when he brings your stuff. Tell him to leave it at the door, or have a friend of yoru pick it up from his place.

He has to know something is up, and may hurt you when he comes...or, at the very least, you'll feel guilty and lose your resolve.

You need to get away. Quickly.

Lady Xplicit18
07-07-2008, 07:13 PM
Okay, DO NOT tell him you went to the police. Someone who pushes you and yanks your hair when he's angry over stuff you say, is likely to go ballistic when he realizes he's about to be exposed as an abuser, and do some serious damage to you.



But I truly think that if I don't tell and the police contacts him about it without knowing, I think he'll be even more crazy about it like,

"That little bitch! She reported me!"

instead of just telling him straight out.
he just sent me a text that he'll be here in an hour or two.

yikes.

:-\

kandie_kitten
07-07-2008, 07:17 PM
So you'd rather take your chance of him flipping out in person and seriously hurting or killing you? I'm not melodramatic, it really happens.

Get yourself to the police station. File a restraining order. That way, if he comes to your apartment or tries to contact you, they can arrest him.

Then, get the hell out of there. Stay with a friend, go to a shelter, go to family. If you absolutely can't do that, beg a friend to stay with you. Lock your door, put a chair against it, and do not answer it, no matter what he says. I don't care if he sobs or begs, do NOT answer it.

You need to protect yourself.

If you aren't willing to do that, call the police, and ask them to send an officer to be there when he brings yoru stuff over. The copy will stay there until he leaves, and will escort him to his car.

bustybabe312
07-07-2008, 07:38 PM
Hmmmm... I'm not going to sugarcoat anything on this topic because I don't have to. Bottom line from my point of view: Until your sick and tired of being beat down, you will remain in that predictament. You'll listen to and read countless opinions of what to do, YET, you will not take heed to them. Instead, you'll continue your "loving and understanding" relationship, all while physically healing.
When a woman's fed up with the bullshit, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing will be able to prevent her from leaving the situation.

Lady Xplicit18
07-07-2008, 07:44 PM
Hmmmm... I'm not going to sugarcoat anything on this topic because I don't have to. Bottom line from my point of view: Until your sick and tired of being beat down, you will remain in that predictament. You'll listen to and read countless opinions of what to do, YET, you will not take heed to them. Instead, you'll continue your "loving and understanding" relationship, all while physically healing.
When a woman's fed up with the bullshit, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing will be able to prevent her from leaving the situation.


I am sick and tired.
That's why I FINALLY went to the police about it.

CinammonGirl
07-07-2008, 08:10 PM
This is something you will never understand because you are a man.


I've met women who were just as critical..I think it's more of never being in this person's shoes.

Even I used to make such comments like he did in the past, and I didn't understand UNTIL I finally realized that I was in an abusive relationship, and then knew why people stay or why they feel so trapped.


LadyXplicit-My heart goes out to you, but I don't really know what to else to say..I agree that leaving comes from within you, because it won't matter if anyone else tells you to leave and you're still reluctant to do it.

Mr Hyde
07-07-2008, 08:16 PM
This is something you will never understand because you are a man. Typically, women do not abuse men, it's the other way around. It would be near impossible for you to understand how it feels to be in that sort of relationship. Just like you will never know how it feels to be pregnant or have PMS.

Also, I did not CHOOSE to remain in an abusive relationship. I didn't even know it was an abusive relationship until I got out of it, and that's how it usually is. If you've ever been manipulated or lied to and then had a revelation about what happened and felt stupid about what happened earlier, that's the kind of feeling you get once you're out.

I didn't CHOOSE to remain in it. I tried to leave, several times. Literally the DAY before I found out I was pregnant, I had already booked my own hotel and plane ticket to leave and make a clean break. Then, I found out and was emotional and he made me feel like he was he only one who cared and the only one who understood me and manipulated me into moving to fl with him. I tried to leave again, several times when I was living with him there, it was only after he had gone miles past any line he had ever crossed before that I tried to leave.

People who are schizophrenic and bipolar don't choose to be mentally ill. People who are in abusive relationships don't choose to be in them, they are trapped, and eventually they choose to get out, just like eventually people with mental illnesses choose to get help.

I don't mean to sound cruel or insensitive, but you DID choose to stay. I don't know what "tried to leave" means. Did you start to pack your bags and then they unpacked themselves? Did your car drive you back to his place against your will?

People who are bi-polar have chemical imbalances...they can't help that. Women who are in abusive relationships can choose to leave.

My sister is like this...she stays with guys who are baaaad news. It's largely because she grew up without a solid father figure around all the time. None have ever hit her, but they're a parade of loserliness. Sometimes I wish I could shake her and make her see that she doesn't need a man to make her feel good about herself.

keira0304
07-07-2008, 08:21 PM
tried to leave means I packed my stuff, went to get in my car and he ripped me out of it and threw me against the car. When I ran back in the house to get away from him and lock the door so he didn't hurt me, he busted the door open through the deadbolt and got in anyways.

it also means whenever I tried to go by myself anywhere, when i actually did get in the car by myself and locked the doors so he couldn't get in, he would sit on the pavement behind the car so i couldn't back out of the driveway.

*i know you all are going to say i should have run him over.

anomar
07-07-2008, 08:28 PM
I don't mean to sound cruel or insensitive, but you DID choose to stay. I don't know what "tried to leave" means. Did you start to pack your bags and then they unpacked themselves? Did your car drive you back to his place against your will?

People who are bi-polar have chemical imbalances...they can't help that. Women who are in abusive relationships can choose to leave.

My sister is like this...she stays with guys who are baaaad news. It's largely because she grew up without a solid father figure around all the time. None have ever hit her, but they're a parade of loserliness. Sometimes I wish I could shake her and make her see that she doesn't need a man to make her feel good about herself.

Whoa, you are not bringing anything positive to this thread, just your own brand of 'tough love' that projects far more about your own familial history than sympathy or support for the OP. Sorry that you have had your own life affected by domestic abuse in such a way, but it gives you no credence to assert, factually, that which is going on in someone else's head at any given point in time.

If you cannot support the OP in this critical time in her life, please do not contribute your negativity, nor project your tensions with your sister onto a completely unrelated subject. It's not cool.

Sophia_Ashley
07-07-2008, 08:36 PM
tried to leave means I packed my stuff, went to get in my car and he ripped me out of it and threw me against the car. When I ran back in the house to get away from him and lock the door so he didn't hurt me, he busted the door open through the deadbolt and got in anyways.

it also means whenever I tried to go by myself anywhere, when i actually did get in the car by myself and locked the doors so he couldn't get in, he would sit on the pavement behind the car so i couldn't back out of the driveway.

*i know you all are going to say i should have run him over.

Been there. My crazy went as far as to jump on my car (when I tried to run him over) and began slicing himself with a pocket knife that he had! I freaked out and obviously I didn't want him to die.

I think until people realize you make a ton of attempts but you know deep down when the coast is clear and you can escape.

CKXXX
07-07-2008, 08:53 PM
MRHYDE if you are not here to support her..get out of this thread. The LAST thing a victim needs is someone telling her that shes stupid for staying how long she did.

It isnt that black and white and thats just the way it is

You obviously know nothing about this and therefore have nothing to say. Do NOT say ONE MORE THING about this...the OP needs support and support only right now.

They why's and blames and all that can be sorted out later...all she needs to know if how to get out.

UtahMike
07-07-2008, 09:16 PM
This is something you will never understand because you are a man. Typically, women do not abuse men, it's the other way around.

Pardon me, but that is an uncalled for sexist remark. Being male does not make one uninformed on this issue, nor does being female make one an expert. I could say some things about women abusing men, but that ALSO is not what this thread is about.

That said, Mr Hyde, this thread is not here for you to widen your knowledge. Either be supportive or start your own thread, titled "Why do women stay with an abuser?"

Lady X, DO NOT tell your BF you have reported him if the two of you are alone. Better yet, tell him not to bring your stuff himself, and send someone else to get it. If he does come, tell him THROUGH THE DOOR to leave it on the porch. If he tries to get in, call the cops and report a home invasion.

I want to congratulate you for doing the right thing and reporting the abuse to the police. Keep on being strong. We are here for you.

Tesla_Sativa
07-07-2008, 09:30 PM
Been there, done that. It's not gonna get better. I'm not gonna tell you that you that there's something wrong with you or that you're insecure or that you need to kick his ass to the curb, because it's much more complicated than that. However, a huge weight will be lifted off of your shoulders once you get rid of him for good.

AlexxaHex
07-07-2008, 09:37 PM
My ex used to lock himself in the bathroom with a knife, or rope and say he was going to kill himself. I was absolutely ILL with grief. I remember gagging into the garbage can, thinking I'd have to call 911 and have them drag his body out of the house. The first signs of control are never that obvious. You think you have a sad, depressed person who is usually very sweet and caring. They make up for their transgressions the following day (or week) with gifts and promises, cuddling and thrillingly awesome makeup sex. So this person happens to get drunk and flip out occasionally. To the average person, it's tolerable. Besides, you understand this person and they understand you. They need your help. They are so unhappy that you would do anything and put up with anything just so they can be happy. You are so close and intense and intertwined that you feel like you have no boundaries. Such exciting "love".
This is known to the educated as CODEPENDENCY. It allows abusers to stay in relationships.

It took my ex many months until he worked up to choking me, spitting in my face and destroying my belongings. It took about a year until he beat me up and I had to call the police because he was threatening to kill me. I took him back, and he followed me to California where he proceeded to do speed and stab all of my belongings with a hunting knife before breaking my cell phone and stealing my money so I couldn't leave.
I had to escape, and I had to go across the entire country to break my addiction to this fucked up relationship. At the time I thought I had to actually LET HIM KNOW that I was leaving. I thought I owed him "goodbye sex" where I let him cum inside me without a condom. I remember wishing I got pregnant, even as I was leaving him.
Fucking sick.
Codependency is mental illness. It's like being insane. It's having your life taken over by an abusive piece of shit that plays your emotions like a yo-yo. When I think of those things, I am ashamed. But I am telling you here and now what I've been through because I don't want to see anyone else go through this and I don't want anyone to think that what I dealt with was a CHOICE like I enjoyed it or something. Maybe this helps explain it a little bit, what it's like.

Tesla_Sativa
07-07-2008, 09:40 PM
My ex used to lock himself in the bathroom with a knife, or rope and say he was going to kill himself. I was absolutely ILL with grief. I remember gagging into the garbage can, thinking I'd have to call 911 and have them drag his body out of the house. The first signs of control are never that obvious. You think you have a sad, depressed person who is usually very sweet and caring. They make up for their transgressions the following day (or week) with gifts and promises, cuddling and thrillingly awesome makeup sex. So this person happens to get drunk and flip out occasionally. To the average person, it's tolerable. Besides, you understand this person and they understand you. They need your help. You are so close and intense and intertwined that you feel like you have no boundaries. Such exciting "love".
This is known to the educated as CODEPENDENCY. It allows abusers to stay in relationships.

It took my ex many months until he worked up to choking me, spitting in my face and destroying my belongings. It took about a year until he beat me up and I had to call the police because he was threatening to kill me. I took him back, and he followed me to California where he proceeded to do speed and stab all of my belongings with a hunting knife before breaking my cell phone and stealing my money so I couldn't leave.
I had to escape, and I had to do it without him knowing. At the time I thought I had to actually LET HIM KNOW that I was leaving. I thought I owed him "goodbye sex" where I let him cum inside me without a condom. I remember wishing I got pregnant, even as I was leaving him.
Fucking sick.
Codependency is mental illness. It's like being insane. It's having your life taken over by an abusive piece of shit that plays your emotions like a yo-yo. When I think of those things, I am ashamed. But I am telling you here and now what I've been through because I don't want to see anyone else go through this and I don't want anyone to think that what I dealt with was a CHOICE like I enjoyed it or something. Maybe this helps explain it a little bit, what it's like.

Omg, my ex did this to me all the time. I remember having to call his parents at, like, 3 in the morning because he was threatening to kill himself, &I didn't know what to do. He eventually began to beat me &cheat on me. I don't know why I stayed with him for so long, I'm just glad that it's over now... &that I got out of it in one piece.

Sophia_Ashley
07-07-2008, 10:56 PM
Alexxxa that was point on! Holy shit. goes to show there's a breed of roaming psycho men out there that are ALL the fucking same!

bustybabe312
07-07-2008, 11:53 PM
The police huh? I laugh at that...though some would consider that being a good thing...the police may not take your case seriously. They see cases like yours all the time and more often than not, the couple usually ends up back together until the next beating. Restraining order? That sorry piece of paper won't mean shit to a determined abuser.
Don't go to the police with the bullshit if your only going to turn around and go back to him any ol' way.
From your fingertips: you understand him; longest relationship of your life and so forth.
Mr. Hyde: I don't see anything wrong with your opinions on the topic. Some people choose to coddle the victim. I choose to tell it like it is...Real Talk...well...er...type.

When and if you do leave his sorry ass alone, be thorough and serious about it.

keira0304
07-08-2008, 12:00 AM
^ have you ever been in an abusive relationship? just asking.

winterrose
07-08-2008, 12:26 AM
leaving isnt easy. staying is even harder.

somewhere in you, you have the courage to leave and stay gone. knowing there is a problem takes wisdom.

serenity will evenntually show up after you are safely away from him.

I wish you peace tonight. I pray for your safety. I pray for you.

Delilah27
07-08-2008, 12:37 AM
abusive men will always justify their behavior to make it "okay". Like Oh it's your fault anyway...or there's no bruises so I'm not really hurting you...but all in all abuse is abuse. Please save yourself hun...I know it's hard if you love them but you have to ultimately love yourself and put yourself first.

Lady Xplicit18
07-08-2008, 01:20 AM
It actually turned out the opposite how I planned it would be.
He was very calm and kept telling me that he fucked up & he didn't call me all day today since he found an anger management place where he could get help that's actually right by his house.

I told him about the police report (even though it took me over 2 hours to get it out of me since I was scared shitless about how he'd react) and he said that he deserved it and that he had it coming for him.

I showed no sympathy, what so ever.
He told me that he atleast wants to be my friend.

?

huh?

I don't get it.


I know that he loves me (to an extent) but I'm just too hurt.
If I keep talking with him it will bring up old feelings.
I'm already trying to get over him and I definitely know that it won't be overnight for me to do that.

In overall:
I told him I was done & gave him back the promise ring he bought me.







besides, he was the only one that was stopping me from becoming a stripper and now nothing is!
:D

Flick6
07-08-2008, 03:38 AM
When these fuckheads have their backs against the wall the often turn sweet and loving and draw you back in.. and then the cycle begins again.

Yay for you for not getting sucked in by his SHIT.

Best of luck.

ColetteCalahan
07-08-2008, 08:40 AM
GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Now stick with your decision and no matter how repentant his ass seems to be, don't go back, whatever you do.

AlexxaHex
07-08-2008, 08:56 AM
Yeah, he seems all sad and sorry now, but do not make the mistake of going back to him! You're on the right track - just keep walking away! It will get easier and eventually the bond will be broken.

StarryEyes
07-08-2008, 09:53 AM
Yeah, being sad and sorry is part of their game to manipulate you right back to them. Then if you go back, everything gets worse.

Run and don't look back. You deserve better.

anomar
07-08-2008, 09:57 AM
Good for you, what a good first step. Don't forget -- he doesn't deserve your friendship. You have a chance to start your new life!

bustybabe312
07-08-2008, 10:27 AM
Keirra- sorry if I mispellled

I have not ever been in an abusive relationship and would probably be in prison for doing some kind of major harm to somebody.

Though, damn near all of the women in my family and even some of my associates are.
My personality won't allow it. I have evil tendencies and somehow the men instinctively know that I'm not the one for the bullshit. Men know who they can abuse and who not to even try that garbage with.

Even though the broads in my fam and associates like to talk about it, cry about it and so forth, I immediately tell them not to come to me with their sob stories. For what??? They'll only turn around and go back anyway, thus don't complain about it. You like it, I love it.

Only 1 of my former friends left her abuser. Well actually, it was super easy for her to do that considering her abuser went to jail for dealing drugs. But that idiot had an emotional hold on her and had destroyed her self-esteem. Now, she's able to spot dv'ers another state away. lol.

Just being a woman is a job in itself and that doesn't mean that women should be willing to accept unnecessary bullshit. I'm PRO-WOMAN all day long. My motto is: Stay cute, Keep your mind right, Get money. Learn from past misgivings and Strive to be as stress free as possible!

UtahMike
07-08-2008, 11:09 AM
Lady X, congratulations. Way to go.

But there are still a few loose ends you need to take care of.

First, it's great that EX-BF is (or claims to be) in anger management. But even if he is, or if he graduates, DO NOT get back with him. There is a habit of behavior that has developed between the two of you and it will be very hard to not fall back into it. Let him take anger management and see if he can control his anger with the next girl.

Second, even though he is gone, you should still look for counseling from an agency that deals with victims of abuse. The reason for this is that all of us are attracted to a particular "type." For this reason, survivors of abuse are often attracted to another guy who is or may become an abuser. You need to learn how to avoid this, and to watch for clues that a guy may be an abuser. Then you can get on with your life with a boyfriend who will treat you the way you shuold be treated.

StarryEyes
07-08-2008, 11:22 AM
Second, even though he is gone, you should still look for counseling from an agency that deals with victims of abuse. The reason for this is that all of us are attracted to a particular "type." For this reason, survivors of abuse are often attracted to another guy who is or may become an abuser. You need to learn how to avoid this, and to watch for clues that a guy may be an abuser. Then you can get on with your life with a boyfriend who will treat you the way you shuold be treated.

QFT.

I was abused/neglected by my "father". Growing up I had a long string of loser boyfriends (none of them hit me, ironically, because my "father' did, but I was either used, lied to, or just generally disrespected). I was tired of attracting the type of guy my father was, so I focused on the kind of guy who I DID want. I even made a list:

Someone who
* is honest.
* pays attention to me.
*cherishes our relationship.
* loves me for me, not for what I can give to them.
*will genuinely love and respect me.
*will apologize when he fucks up, and won't repeat the mistake.
*someone I can be an equal with.
*someone with a positive attitude.
*someone strong.
*handsome, smart, fun, funny, caring
etc. etc...

and then I found my husband. :)

And if they act like an asshole, then that's it. Leave 'em. Maybe they can't change their behavior, but you can change yours.

Lady Xplicit18
07-08-2008, 12:17 PM
Yeah, being sad and sorry is part of their game to manipulate you right back to them. Then if you go back, everything gets worse.

Run and don't look back. You deserve better.



I know, while he was saying all that bs I just stared straight at him and was like,

"Why are you saying all of this now and not when could of prevented something from happening beforehand?"



Anyways, his loss.
Why do you think that he still wants to be my friend?

NinaDaisy
07-08-2008, 12:26 PM
Why do you think that he still wants to be my friend?

He doesn't. He still just wants to have some control over you.

I've never been in an abusive realtionship either. Why? Because I haven't let it get to that point.

Years and years ago, I went on a few dates with a guy and things seemed to be going well. He then picked a fight over something stupid. I told him to calm down and he shoved me, hard, against a wall.

I grabbed my purse, walked out and never spoke to him again.

He left two messages apologizing.

Several others followed with him leaving messages calling me "a stupid, stuck up cunt". Then, finally, nothing.

I'm sure some other dumb bitch stuck around and found out to what extent he could have taken it. Better someone else than me.

Lady Xplicit18
07-08-2008, 12:36 PM
They all seem to follow the same formula, don't they? We give advice, the chick makes excuses (or tells us to fuck off and that we don't get it if we give constructive advice), and on and on it goes.

*sigh*



?
I left him for good.
I'm already feeling the process of getting over him.
Besides, I miss my independance.

I was so use to having him go places with me since he'd always say that he wanted to keep me safe (WTF? When I think about it now...) but now I really am fine with being by myself now & make my own money instead of depending on him all the time.

I didn't realize how dependant I was on him until last night.
I have to take my cat to the vet today and I even wanted to call him up to come with me.... BAD MOVE.
I'd be taking a step back if I did that.
I'm just trying to break the last strings of contact from him.


It's going to be really hard but I KNOW I'm strong enough to break through the cycle.

CKXXX
07-08-2008, 12:43 PM
I love reading these threads. They make me feel so much better about myself.

They all seem to follow the same formula, don't they? We give advice, the chick makes excuses (or tells us to fuck off and that we don't get it if we give constructive advice), and on and on it goes.

*sigh*
.
That seems rather uncalled for.

She ISNT making excuses..she called the police and isnt falling for his crap. If she had said "he apologized and I think he really means it this time so we're going to get back together and work it out" I'd understand...but she didnt. She IS taking our advice and is cutting him out of her life.

So why the venom?

CKXXX
07-08-2008, 12:45 PM
?
I left him for good.
I'm already feeling the process of getting over him.
Besides, I miss my independance.

I was so use to having him go places with me since he'd always say that he wanted to keep me safe (WTF? When I think about it now...) but now I really am fine with being by myself now & make my own money instead of depending on him all the time.

I didn't realize how dependant I was on him until last night.
I have to take my cat to the vet today and I even wanted to call him up to come with me.... BAD MOVE.
I'd be taking a step back if I did that.
I'm just trying to break the last strings of contact from him.


It's going to be really hard but I KNOW I'm strong enough to break through the cycle.
BRAVO!!! Good for you! Just know that he WILL try again and again .....and again......

and it may get nasty before it is over.

Hold your position and dont back down.

I know this is odd since I dont know you,and it may sound patronizing...but I swear I dont mean it that way.

I'm proud of you!

NinaDaisy
07-08-2008, 12:51 PM
We'll see...

If she DOES get back together with him after he keeps pleading, I doubt she'll post about it.

Or maybe she will, under a different name.

No venom, I'm just a pragmatist.

Lady Xplicit18
07-08-2008, 12:59 PM
We'll see...

If she DOES get back together with him after he keeps pleading, I doubt she'll post about it.

Or maybe she will, under a different name.

No venom, I'm just a pragmatist.


?
Why are you so negative?

I don't think you're getting the point after 4 pages.
If I was going to possibly take him back, I would of never reported him.
IT WAS HIS LAST STRAW.

If you're not going to bring anything positive to the board, don't even bother posting.

anomar
07-08-2008, 01:26 PM
We'll see...

If she DOES get back together with him after he keeps pleading, I doubt she'll post about it.

Or maybe she will, under a different name.

No venom, I'm just a pragmatist.

Hey, every case is unique. A few posts ago you talked about what a strong woman you are for not taking crap from an abusive guy. It's a lot better to encourage the OP to follow the same pattern of not taking shit from losers & sticking up for herself than assuming what she'll do in the future!

NinaDaisy
07-08-2008, 02:32 PM
One "strong woman" post a day after leaving vs. half a dozen simpering ones aren't good odds.

I wish her the best, but the outlook based on what I've read from the OP just doesn't look good. So I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic.

Lady Xplicit18
07-08-2008, 02:33 PM
One "strong woman" post a day after leaving vs. half a dozen simpering ones aren't good odds.

I wish her the best, but the outlook based on what I've read from the OP just doesn't look good. So I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic.



What doesn't looking good about putting my foot down?
please.

Lily366
07-08-2008, 03:20 PM
Wow..i know this must be really tough for you. I was in a 3 year relationship with an abusive boyfriend and he also thought that if he didnt actually "hit" me then he wasnt doing anything wrong. I ended up leaving him, which to this day i dont regret one bit. That is also the reason i dont speak to my father. He has been abusive to every single woman he has ever been in a relationship with, and even would beat up my brothers mom infront of us when he was 2 years old and i was 15-16. I have no respect for my father, and it saddens me that we do not have a relationship but no woman deserves to be beaten up. You dont deserve to be treated like that by anyone. I do understand where your coming from though, and if you really do care for this guy and want things to work out then yes, i would try counseling if thats an option.

Lily366
07-08-2008, 03:23 PM
Ooops, i didnt read the rest of the posts...But im glad to hear you left him!!

NinaDaisy
07-08-2008, 04:01 PM
What doesn't looking good about putting my foot down?


Nothing doesn't look good about it. Putting your foot down is the best thing you can do now. It's keeping it there that's the hard part.

UltraViolet
07-08-2008, 04:06 PM
Good for you for leave. Now just stay strong!

Mr Hyde
07-08-2008, 04:12 PM
tried to leave means I packed my stuff, went to get in my car and he ripped me out of it and threw me against the car. When I ran back in the house to get away from him and lock the door so he didn't hurt me, he busted the door open through the deadbolt and got in anyways.

it also means whenever I tried to go by myself anywhere, when i actually did get in the car by myself and locked the doors so he couldn't get in, he would sit on the pavement behind the car so i couldn't back out of the driveway.

*i know you all are going to say i should have run him over.

Actually, what I would say is, wait til he's not there, then leave. Have a male relative(s) go get your stuff for you.

And then call the cops and tell them he physically ripped you out of your car.

Unless he locks you in a closet and holds you with a gun to your head, you can leave.

Mr Hyde
07-08-2008, 04:15 PM
Whoa, you are not bringing anything positive to this thread, just your own brand of 'tough love' that projects far more about your own familial history than sympathy or support for the OP. Sorry that you have had your own life affected by domestic abuse in such a way, but it gives you no credence to assert, factually, that which is going on in someone else's head at any given point in time.

If you cannot support the OP in this critical time in her life, please do not contribute your negativity, nor project your tensions with your sister onto a completely unrelated subject. It's not cool.

What you read as negativity, I read as pragmatism. I'm sorry you don't like straight talk, but that's what it is. I AM supporting the OP. I want her to GET THE FUCK OUT.

And I'm thrilled that she did. Any time a "bad male" loses, it's a win for the "good guys" in the world, and it's a HUGE win for women.

Mr Hyde
07-08-2008, 04:16 PM
MRHYDE if you are not here to support her..get out of this thread. The LAST thing a victim needs is someone telling her that shes stupid for staying how long she did.

It isnt that black and white and thats just the way it is

You obviously know nothing about this and therefore have nothing to say. Do NOT say ONE MORE THING about this...the OP needs support and support only right now.

They why's and blames and all that can be sorted out later...all she needs to know if how to get out.

Cameron, again...I AM being positive...but some people need to be told in plain talk. I never said she was stupid, or anything of the sort.

CKXXX
07-08-2008, 04:27 PM
Cameron, again...I AM being positive...but some people need to be told in plain talk. I never said she was stupid, or anything of the sort.

By saying over and over "well why didnt you just leave" shows you dont understand. It isnt always that easy. It implies that any women who doesnt get out is stupid enough to stay...it isnt always by choice.

So if you dont understand,and trying to put any of the blame on her for this...you arent offering anything positive to the thread.

MissTaylor
07-08-2008, 05:15 PM
My boyfriend and I just got in a pretty bad fight. Whenever bad fights happen like this he usual starts pulling my hair, yanking me, or nudging me really hard. This fight he pulled my hair really hard since we were arguing about how I didn't want to go home yet from his place when he wanted me gone.
:[


not saying it's your fault by any means but next time he wants you to leave, fucking leave. don't stay there and antagonize him. not a good idea if he has an abusive history

(sorry if this was said already, didn't read the three pages of "leave" followed by "but I can't". YOU CAN)