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CKXXX
07-13-2008, 03:13 PM
Sometimes the thought process makes it seem selfLESS...like everyone would be so much better without haveing to deal withyour bullshit and problems anymore.

People contemplating,trying,or going through with suicide arent in the right frame of mind from the metal illness or depression or whatnot o consider the consequences of their action on those around them.

Which is why it pissed me off when it is referred to as selfish.

jaizaine
07-14-2008, 03:46 AM
I have never seriously contemplated it before. I have had a lot of thoughts about how much easier it would be to not be around and living with anxiety and depression anymore. I went thru such a low point at the end of last year and beginning of this year and I remember saying that I would rather be dead than go thru that again. I dont want to die tho. Sometimes when u are in the midst of feeling that low, life doesn't seem to be worth living. But when those feelings go away it does seem worth living again.

Lysondra
07-14-2008, 04:07 AM
I told myself I'd kill myself if Immigration decided to ultimately reject me. That would be the straw. Rather die an Australian than live an American, I keep saying to myself*.


*(not that anything is wrong with being American - it's just not for me)

VegasPrincess
07-16-2008, 07:21 AM
^^^

Woah girl, that's pretty intense!! I wouldn't want to move to Canada for instance, but if that were my choice vs jumping off a bridge, well Canada it is! I doubt you really mean that anyway....At least I hope not!

Lysondra
07-16-2008, 07:44 AM
^^^

Woah girl, that's pretty intense!! I wouldn't want to move to Canada for instance, but if that were my choice vs jumping off a bridge, well Canada it is! I doubt you really mean that anyway....At least I hope not!

In all fairness, I can't drag my stuff with me across a border. I'd be allowed 50kg to take home. I'd have to sell my car, my bike, my furniture, my cats, my birds, my computers, my television.... I'd be forced to live my life all over again with 2 suitcases and a pocket of change.

I can't do that again. I've done it so many times.

I'm finally on my feet... and this country means so much to me.

iambonbon05
07-18-2008, 07:55 PM
Contemplate often, not too serious. Although I'm not OCD, I was told I have obsessive compulsive thinking in this respect. I haven't made serious plans but the thought pops into my head all the damn time and has for as long as I remember.

michele_b
07-18-2008, 08:08 PM
I have tried it once and was almost successful and still contenplate it but would probably never try again. I was in a deep deep depression and I couldn't go on anymore. My boyfriend had left and I thought he was gonna be gone for the night, but he came home early. I locked both of the deadbolts on the door so he couldn't get in. I didn't think to lock the patio door cause it was on he 3rd floor. He got in that way anyways, I guess from the railing on the steps and crossed over. I also had the bathroom door locked and he got in there too. I took I don't know how many bars of Xanax and Cymbalta with some Seroquel that was in there and half a 5th of jager. I had cut my wrist too. I would be dead if he wouldn't have came home early.

I don't remember him coming home or anything after that. I remember waking up in a mental hospital and being extremely tired and slept the whole day and my memory was still foggy and I felt really doped up the first day in there.

AlexxaHex
07-19-2008, 08:42 AM
I tried to kill myself last August with poison. I am one of those Juliet types pretty much. Would have succeeded except for some medic friends who were at the festival and found me. I was just trying to make life easier and more pleasant for everyone I cared about, or so I believed, and to escape what I saw as an always increasing downward spiral of hurt.

Suicide is what happens when someones ability to cope is no longer sufficient for the pain which that someone is experiencing. It is why people can attempt or succeed at suicide over issues that seem very small to others, and why others might do so over large issues. It has nothing to do with the nature of the problem and everything to do with the specific person and what they are and are not capable of coping with in a given moment.

I'm glad you didn't succeed, Rebecca. I think you have a lot to offer the world. And I agree with the last paragraph very much. Suicide can almost always be boiled down to an inability to cope with everyday life.

My best friend killed himself 3 years and two months ago. I feel like I understand why he did it. I knew he wanted to die, so in a way I was "happy" for him. I don't know if happy is really the right word but that's the closest way I could describe it. And yes, I do feel like I truly loved him because I was willing to overlook the pain he caused me and everyone to see what he truly wanted. At times I felt like he was being selfish, and sometimes I do get mad at him. But he was my friend and I forgive him for taking that exit, because he was not strong enough to stay here. My love, and no one else's love could save him. And that's a hard thing for the leftover people in a suicide situation to remember. I would have done anything for him and so would his parents, but he couldn't give enough to himself. He also couldn't have faced the shame of admitting to his addictions and going through rehab. He was also facing jail time and was certain that he would be raped or killed because he was gay. He always wanted to control every aspect of his reality and in a way it's sort of a positive thing that he got to die the same way he lived.

Do I feel like he is a coward? No, I just don't think he was equipped with the tools to deal with certain aspects of life. He didn't "attempt" suicide. He just did it. Told no one, and pretended everything was fine, although looking back I can see where he left little hints. It's a hard world for soft people, those who don't have the capacity to grow and take things in stride, to overcome obstacles. Some people are stuck and they feel they have nowhere better to go. They lose hope. It's not their fault.

With that said, I used to contemplate suicide, right after my friend killed himself. I made a will and everything. I sat and typed it up over and over on my computer, then I'd delete it all and start over. I thought of all the ways I might do it. But I knew that I had options, and that the pain would subside. I think there are some people who sort of flirt with the idea of death and then there are those who just want to die. I am thankful to be the former.

nicole84
07-19-2008, 11:44 AM
I used to contemplate it a lot when I was younger. It got bad enough once that i told my parents i needed to go to the hospital cause i was loosing control.

I never actually swallowed pills or anything, but i certainly had the drive to. I was just lucky that some small part of my brain knew that is wasnt a good idea and i was close enough to me mother to feel ok telling her what was wrong.

I dealt with clinical depression for a very long time. Was on all sorts of meds. Not on anything anymore thankfully and am doing well. Havent had a suicidal thought in a very long time.

I think suicide is selfish, even as someone who has seriously considered it, but, I also know what goes through the persons mind who is thinking of it. For me, it was all "they will be better off without me" and "it wont matter, no one will miss me", etc.

I do think there is a difference between cries for help and a real attempt. Unfortunately the methods most women try, are not as certain to work as the ones men try (like blowing your brains out).

Suicide is a delicate topic, and I don't think anyone who has not seriously considered it is really in a place to judge people who have.

lilymiaomiao
07-23-2008, 01:51 AM
Going through hard times, I always want to work harder or wait for things to get better- I like puzzles and challenges and getting past things.

It's when things get so boring that I consider quitting the game.

But lately I think my preferred choice of exit, if it ever comes to that, will be to submit myself to a monastery somewhere. That would be a trip.

minniesoporno
08-17-2008, 10:23 AM
I'm sorry if this is touchy. That's why I'd rather use a different screen name. I'm not a troll - I just don't want to start another flame war or have this poll thrown back at me later. I'm just curiouse as to how many other women attempt or contompalte suicide.

I have in my dark days, now as look back I wonder how I got myself out of it.

PrettyCurlieQ
08-17-2008, 11:08 AM
Never, but contemplated as an adolescent with 'teen angst'.

pinkkitten
08-17-2008, 01:27 PM
i'm contemplating often, but i still hope things will get better.

ExoticEngineer
08-17-2008, 02:58 PM
I checked never and never...but recently...very recently I've been thinking about what type of a situation one must be in, the emotions, the feelings, etc that must be present at that time in a person's life.

I found out two weeks ago that my stepdad had killed himself. I had just spoken with him the weekend before. He was always happy when I saw him and smiling, but he wasn't well. He told me there was something wrong with his brain, and he had been back and forth to Cali talking to a neurologist (is that right?) about it.

What he didn't tell anyone was that he had terminal cancer, prostate cancer and dimensia (spell check that one too!). He had a really hard time speaking to people, and this was a guy who was the life of the party not so long ago. Inside his mind he could think, he knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't communicate. He was losing his mind. And dying. And alone.

I used to think "There is no way I would ever kill myself, no way." But this guy...I can't blame him or say I wouldn't do the same thing if it were me.

I almost didn't open this thread, it makes me cry every time I think of him, and how alone he must have been, scared and in pain, to make that final decision. So I guess I could have checked I contemplated suicide, not for myself, but to better understand how and why a person would come to that decision.

CKXXX
08-17-2008, 03:40 PM
I found out two weeks ago that my stepdad had killed himself. I had just spoken with him the weekend before.

I'm so sorry honey. How are you doing? Silly question I guess...but will you be ok?

daniella_maria
08-17-2008, 03:45 PM
the option I would choose wasn't there. I actually haven't attempted suicide since I was 17 years old. that was more than ten yeras ago. so I guess my choice would be never since "not in forever" wasn't one of the choices.

ExoticEngineer
08-17-2008, 03:48 PM
Thanks Cam, and yah...I'm okay. I was a wreck though. I t was bad when I heard he had died, but rocked me to the ground when I found out he had killed himself.

Not so much because he was gone, but the thought of how bad it must have been for him. And I had no idea. Also...I do not know very much about religion, at all. I was brought up without any guidance or thought about it. I am spiritual on my own, and have my own thoughts about certain things...but I was seriously concerned and questioning the whole "soul and after death" issue here.

He was an amazing man. Kind and generous to each and every person he cam across. Loved life and loved living it. Raced cars professionally, partied hard with beautiful women, taught me to drive when my mom freaked out and couldn't handle it, punched a very bad man in the nose when he tried to do a bad thing to me.

A man like that is neither selfish or cowardly. And now I just hope that he has found the peace that he deserves.

VegasPrincess
08-17-2008, 03:55 PM
^^^

For somebody to commit suicide, I'm pretty positive that they would have to be in an utter state of despair. I really don't think that God/the Universe/whatever you believe in could blame a person so desperate and frightened that they feel their only option is to take their own life.

Bianca O'Blivion
08-17-2008, 07:31 PM
One of my school-mates' dad shot himself to death when he found out he had inoperable cancer. I only wish he had not done it in their house, as that was the selfish part.

IMO suicide because of terminal illness cannot be judged...If you have ever seen someone on their deathbed because of cancer, to tell that person to suffer to the bitter ugly end is inhumanly cruel.

& In some cultures, suicide is not taboo (example- Japan.) BUT I feel we should discourage suicide because it's easy in our dysfunctional culture for people to be driven to that point....

Ivanafox
08-17-2008, 08:00 PM
I contemplated it quite a lot at one stage. Ironically (and luckily) my self esteem was so low I figured I would just stuff that up along with everything else I'd managed to balls up and end up a vegatble unable to even wipe my own bum. Death doesn't scare me but being permantly dependant on others does.

DarkMoon08
08-23-2008, 03:06 PM
I think about it all of the time these days. Life is kicking my ass right now. I've made so many financial, job, and career mistakes that a lot of times I feel if this is all there is to life...then I don't want life.

...and trying to find a way out of this mess that I've made of my life and finances is difficult at best.

txchick008
08-23-2008, 08:45 PM
I have thrown it out there to get attention when I was depressed and desperate. Really lame move. I would NEVER actually do it. I have 2 gorgeous little girls who need their Mommy. I think suicide is incredibly selfish, especially if you are a parent.

Nautilus
08-24-2008, 09:52 PM
For me the contemplation goes as far as... "where is the stop button?" and i imagine just being able to disappear.

As for ideations - and actually plotting out how, when... never. I think once you've got to real-world plans, you're in big trouble.

As a little kid I'd try and suffocate myself with a pillow, and hold my breath. yeah, that didn't work.

I lost my brother to suicide - looking back, he was just a kid (25). He was still my mother's baby, and obviously just couldn't cope.

I used to think he was selfish because he put a massive rift in our family by doing it - but then, now that he's 25 forever in my mind, he's like a little brother to me now, and I just feel sad that he felt so trapped and unloved.

Life is a bit of bitch at best. I'm not angry at my brother for bailing anymore.

lazydaisy
08-25-2008, 02:11 PM
^^^

For somebody to commit suicide, I'm pretty positive that they would have to be in an utter state of despair. I really don't think that God/the Universe/whatever you believe in could blame a person so desperate and frightened that they feel their only option is to take their own life.


I lost a cousin a few years back to suicide. My mom had raised him with my brother and I as her child. We fought just the same as if we were siblings. We weren't close at the time and a couple members of the family that were close to him hid the downhill spiral from the rest of us. It was devastating to my mom.

He had been suffering from mental illness for years and it got progressively worse and worse. From what I knew, he started with conspiracy theorist ideas and it progressed over a couple years to 'they' were after him. Since we weren't super close, I still ran into him in passing since him and his wife lived in my mom's apartment building. When I cut off all ties, I had a baby and felt our safety was WAY more important than even visiting my mom. He had started carrying a gun every where he went, even apartment to apartment, because 'they' were going to get him. He had moved from another state (running from the cops) because he had shot up another car at an intersection because they were 'following' him. Even sadder, he sucked his wife into his delusions so at that time you couldn't even reason with her. She had to arrange for a neighbor to get their child off the preschool bus in the afternoons because he couldn't show his face at a door or a window because of 'them'. (The busses won't let children off without an adult present.)

At the time of the suicide, he had someone with him 24 hours a day. His wife and my grandparents were trying to prevent the eventual. In his delusional state, he had started blaming mom for his life in general and they hid it from her. So we didn't see it coming. She would have been completely destroyed (and still would be if she knew).

Whew. I feel better having put this down on paper. Now, having said all that... I have no idea what thoughts went through his mind at that time. But I don't think that he gave any thought at all to how much trouble he would be leaving behind. His mind was just not working normally by then. Not in the cleanup of his brain all in the house, not in his wife who stood screaming with half of his head in her hands waiting for an ambulance that could not help, not in the two toddlers he left with the mentally disturbed mom, not in the families that had to plan a funeral. I truely think people that contemplate/commit suicide have lost that capability to list pros and cons of such a serious decision. I don't think they set out to leave the path of devastation behind. They are just trying to escape from pressures they do not feel like they can deal with. And they leave a huge gaping hole in the lives of the ones left.

NinaDaisy
08-28-2008, 02:11 AM
I think suicide is incredibly selfish, especially if you are a parent.

Yeah it can be. But I'm guessing in the mind of someone who is suicidal they think they're being such an awful, useless parents their kids are better off without them.

So that kind of refutes a lot of the "selfish" arguments. I personally think it's more selfish to want to keep someone around who doesn't want to be.

Depression, like any other illness, can be treated, but sometimes even aggressive treatment won't work.

I find it interesting that some people who are okay with someone killing themselves if they have severe cancer think it's "selfish" if someone who has gone under years or perhaps decades of psych meds and treatments to want to euthanize themselves.

Just because depression doesn't show up on an MRI the same way a tumor would doesn't mean it's not a real disease.

Dottie Rebel
08-28-2008, 04:30 AM
^^I tend to agree with this. My mother recently attended the funeral of a man who shot himself. His wife had advanced diabetes and he provided constant care--until he started to go blind. He truly, honestly felt that she would be better of without him as he was now "worthless" to her. I'm not sure how or why but somehow due to his death his wife is now basically set for life financially, which he thought was the most he could provide for her. I'm sure she'd give everything she's ever had or will ever have to have him back.

pinkpvc
08-28-2008, 05:55 AM
I attempted a few times when I was very young. I will admit it was attention seeking, I really needed help and found it hard to talk to my parents.

I have been depressed for 6 years. At the lowest points I am constantly thinking about suicide. I'm sure everyone on here who has had depression will understand. If you have a physical pain you can usually take a pain killer and very quickly it can disappear (although I understand that for ome illnesses it just doesn't work like that). With mental pain you have to try X drug for 6 months until you have proven it doesn't work for you, and then try another starting the whole cycle again. And during that time you have to live with the constant crushing feeling of despair.

So I can very readily understand suicide. Thankfully I am finally recovering and I a so grateful that I am still here. I can try and remember this feeling for when/if I get that low again.


Sometimes the thought process makes it seem selfLESS...like everyone would be so much better without haveing to deal withyour bullshit and problems anymore.
This is so true. I would sit for hours just talking to myself in my head saying "You just bring everyone else down", "they'd all be so much happier if they didn't have to put up with you".

For me it wasn't so much death I wanted than just to be able to go to my bed and not come out for a few years, or just disappear.

GoldCoastGirl
09-01-2008, 12:35 AM
I found that when I was on Depo (Birth Control) I had more thoughts than I do now without it. Without it, I'm able to deal with life's ups and downs much easier overall.

Yet when I'm super stressed and/or burnt out I have contemplated it. I would never ever go thru with it.. never. I'm too much of a wuss. Just that if I know that if those thoughts do pass thru my mind.. something is obviously NOT working in my life... and i need to do some self investigation.

I don't know too many humans who can honestly say never ever ever.

Xiomara
09-01-2008, 12:07 PM
I used to cut myself real bad in high school ,but was always scared to go through with an attempt of suicide. These days I get real real overwhelmed in bills which depresses me because I cant ask anybody for help, and briefly think about just calling it quits...but my lil girls need me... thats the one and only thing keeping me going.Id probably chicken out anyways.

thesightofoneself
10-06-2008, 02:10 PM
i've attempt plenty of times. the last time, in may, was the biggest attempt and since i'm still here i figure that you cant really control when you die. otherwise my ass would be dead by now. so, i've given up on the attempts and have just gotten use to the fact that i'm stuck here. though i still dont get the point of life. too much bad shit happens to good people for there to be a good enough reason.