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fancygirl
08-26-2008, 07:41 PM
Thank God it was only groping! That's horrible enough but I've heard of women being raped by cops and..... just .....


I hope his boss kicks him off the force for this-- no doubt he's done this to other women, either on the job or off. You get any flack, you just remind his commanding officer (or whatever the police equivalent is) about that-- this is NOT isolated behavior on his part.

get the numbers of the 24 hour hotlines for sexual abuse so you can have it at your fingertips at those odd 2 am anxious moments that you might have.

hugs!

NewMoon
08-26-2008, 07:46 PM
Thank God it was only groping!
hmmm.... I see what you mean but I imagine it would be extremely difficult for the OP to see it that way. :(

fancygirl
08-26-2008, 09:49 PM
^ the OP herself said luckily it wasn't forcible penetration.

Think about it: what comes to mind when you read the title of this thread?

I'm not saying it wasn't a form of rape, since it was a form of non-consensual sexual touching-- I'm just saying that being wrestled to the ground and raped by a cop is different and a lot more disconcerting than being forcibly groped by a cop when clothed.

The second IS very disconcerting. I just can see myself recovering from the second a lot easier than the first.

ViolaStrings
08-26-2008, 10:22 PM
I'm praying he'll get fired and sent to jail and you'll get a big settlement.

norcalgirl
08-27-2008, 09:41 AM
I had a cop pull me over once after I was leaving work and he asked me where I was coming from. I said I was lost and didn't know where I was (which was kinda true because it was a new club). However, I still had my make-up and rhinestone jewelry on and it was a rural area where the only people on it are usually lost or going to the sc.

He started flirting with me and said he knew that I was stripper and that I didn't have to lie about it which made me really uncomfortable. Anyways, it was a nude club and I told him I left in a hurry because I didn't want to work in a nude club. He freaked out when I said that and handed me my license and told me to have a good night...weird.

jamielovex
08-27-2008, 10:18 AM
Sorry to hear that, you didn't deserve it :( good you pressed charges, x

ViolaStrings
08-27-2008, 02:18 PM
Also, be very careful about the language you use in the your statements and testimony. You were "assaulted", if you say you were "raped" they could use it against you by saying you've changed your story. Tell them everything in gory details and keep your facts straight. They will be brutal to you. Try to find a victim's advocate through a women's shelter or RAINN.

NinaDaisy
08-27-2008, 11:16 PM
And if when you go to give a statement in person, be mindful of your appearance.

Not saying you have to go the librarian route, but very little makeup and jeans t-shirt help. Look tidy but not "done". Leave the logo handbag and Juicy tracksuit at home.

You need to be a blank canvas for these fuckers.

Delilah27
08-28-2008, 12:04 AM
And if when you go to give a statement in person, be mindful of your appearance.

Not saying you have to go the librarian route, but very little makeup and jeans t-shirt help. Look tidy but not "done". Leave the logo handbag and Juicy tracksuit at home.

You need to be a blank canvas for these fuckers.

Oh yeah I did the innocent routine down to the very detail...I put on a very sensible dress...minimal makeup.

This is just hard...I want to get over this but I know as the investigation goes on I will always be reminded...I haven't even been able to let my boyfriend touch me I feel horrible and ironically he's going to be a cop.

My constant mantra to keep me sane is I have to control the situation and not let it take over my life but much easier said than done.

fancygirl
08-28-2008, 12:11 AM
^ have you been able to talk to someone in the mental health field yet?

MeanGirl
08-28-2008, 02:41 AM
Oh yeah I did the innocent routine down to the very detail...I put on a very sensible dress...minimal makeup.

This is just hard...I want to get over this but I know as the investigation goes on I will always be reminded...I haven't even been able to let my boyfriend touch me I feel horrible and ironically he's going to be a cop.

My constant mantra to keep me sane is I have to control the situation and not let it take over my life but much easier said than done.

Don't feel bad if you can't get over it right away, it will haunt you for awhile and things may trigger it, but that is totally normal. One day at a time;) . I went through a similar situation recently and I keep going over the different scenerios in my head , what i could have should have done or even worse what will happen next time. It's tough to deal:-\ . Im glad you are ok.

Delilah27
08-28-2008, 01:09 PM
Yes I have a therapist every week...usually to keep me grounded with my stripper life but this is a completely new issue I have to wrestle with now.

r4p1s7
09-03-2008, 08:54 AM
A cop pulled me over and after he did the routine checking my license etc...then it started he noticed I had a playboy bag and asked what I did. I felt uncomfortable but answered nonetheless I was a dancer and more questions that were unnecessary..."How would you describe your body?" Well I don't want to go into the details because it's still very painful.

He cornered me and started groping me, I'm a very small female 5' 110 lbs, so he easily overpowered me. I got away not penetration or sexual favors occured thank god, filed a report today (this happened sat night I was too much in shock to do anything).

Did me mentioning being a stripper give him the right to degrade me? I was in sweats on my way to the gym with no makeup and he still did....Ladies I just need some support please...I'm lost and torn.

I see sheriffs in front of walmart and I want to run away and cry...how an I going to get over this?

whats the problem

Jenny
09-03-2008, 09:23 AM
First off, not all cops are like this. Please don't group them all together. The majority of cops out there, are NOT out there to mess with or assault dancers. They are out there to protect us from people like this. I think the problem with "all cops" is that they all resent and reject accountability.

D - I think you did everything right. And it's not because you're a stripper, painful as it is to say. Some few guys will just seize any opportunity to victimize a woman. Good for you for not just taking it. Remember that if any proceedings don't come out in your favour, it's not because you are wrong or even that people don't believe you.

Optimist
09-03-2008, 10:37 AM
^^^^^MY GOD that was well said. Resent and reject! Dead on! They are the ultimate hypocrites telling the public you should talk right now without counsel because the system only wants justice, meanwhile they've built a system where they NEVER talk before 48hrs or without counsel. Fuck this douchebag. I bet your complaint is one in a long list. He should be arrested.

indianprincess
09-04-2008, 10:19 PM
again thanks ladies...so far I've done a tape recorded report of what happened, spoken with the watch commander of the department. I don't necessarily want to go to the media but I do want to take some legal actions of suing that police department. I just don't know how to start...

Yeaaaahhhhh! Nail that fucker! Argh!
Basturd.

crisis lines are really good too.
they helped me out when my family and boyfriend were all "what the hell were you doing with them anyway? that was stupid," etc, etc. etc. barf. Thank god, because I know I was not at fault. Nobody deserves to have their boundaries and trust broken like that. Piece of shit cop. Protecting civilized society and upholding the law, eh? What a waste of space, that man.

lazydaisy
09-05-2008, 06:32 AM
Delilah- any news yet? How's is going so far? :-\

AznExtasy
09-07-2008, 11:16 AM
Did anything happen yet? If the police department gives you a hard time, I would seek legal help in filing a lawsuit. Make them pay. People in positions of authority who power trip and think they can get away with anything need to get shut down. For real. Keep us all updated, ok?

Mily
09-08-2008, 02:42 PM
^Agreed and agreed. Updates please, Delilah?

Starfire
09-08-2008, 04:38 PM
This is horrible, but I am glad you're going to pursue the matter. For the record, I am really afraid of the police, based on some experiences I've had/others I know have had.

Delilah27
09-23-2008, 08:55 PM
Updates...I can't bring myself to go down to the station so they'll do another formal interview with me on the phone...

This is very hard for me to deal with I broke up with my s/o because of his lack of sensitivity to this issue he got upset that I was being emotionally/physically nonchalant with him for 2 weeks hello I just got raped asshole and you're whining because you want fucking attention and affection...? Kicked him out so it's me all on my own...

This is really hard...

anomar
09-23-2008, 08:56 PM
:hug: We are here for you honey... you are a strong woman.

pookie
09-24-2008, 07:55 AM
:hug:

retiredangel
09-24-2008, 02:58 PM
I am so sorry...this is very hard and it happens too often.

Try and focus on your own needs for now and the rest will fall into place or you'll be able to change/re-group when you're stronger.

Hoping it will get better...is there someone close to you that can help?

Mily
09-24-2008, 03:04 PM
Updates...I can't bring myself to go down to the station so they'll do another formal interview with me on the phone...

This is very hard for me to deal with I broke up with my s/o because of his lack of sensitivity to this issue he got upset that I was being emotionally/physically nonchalant with him for 2 weeks hello I just got raped asshole and you're whining because you want fucking attention and affection...? Kicked him out so it's me all on my own...

This is really hard...

It's okay, hun... just keep pressing forward with your case. Double kudos to you for standing up for yourself yet again! You sound like a strong woman with a good head on her shoulders. You will triumph. :hug:

Atom
09-24-2008, 05:11 PM
good grief, that is just awful of your SO. if they were behaving like that then they obviously dont deserve to have such a strong, clever woman around. you'll get through this, you've already showed so much strength. lean on your close friends - its what they're there for

Victoryx0x0
09-24-2008, 09:41 PM
i just want to give you a big hug i am sorry i really wish i could make u feel better