View Full Version : Hung up my heels for Hooters
Kalligirl
09-06-2008, 08:40 AM
:( Yeah well I guess I should look into getting the letter "B" removed off of my wrist sometime. Getting this tattoo for him sort of cemented it in my mind that I absolutely could not walk away marked for life. That I HAD TO make it work and tell our grandkids "You see this blurry spot on my wrist? Well thats your grandpop's initial! I knew from the very start is was forever..."
so stupid.
At least I have space left on my other wrist for the next boy I choose to put on a pedestal. *how do you make eyerolling smiley face?*
Awww honey, I did the same thing with the same good intentions. You live and you learn. But Lysondras right, you need to try to live on your own and establish some boundaries into what you will sacrafice and not sacrafice for somebody.
ViolaStrings
09-06-2008, 07:01 PM
Tell people the "B" stands for bravery, and prove it by leaving him.
MsLayne
09-06-2008, 07:20 PM
Wait, how long have you been with him. Please tell me a long time, did he get a tattoo for you!p?
MysteriousMisty
09-06-2008, 07:32 PM
Best of luck to you. I'm so fed up with dancing and all the political bullshit, I'd welcome a different type of job. I just hope it won't be difficult to find something else with all the layoffs and crap.
txchick008
09-07-2008, 12:43 AM
Wow, you're really codependant. :(
Raging. :O
You should really read that book. Seriously. Like now.
KennedyWinters
09-07-2008, 02:17 AM
I got the tattoo when we'd been together a few months and had just moved in. 6 months later I moved out to live with girls. So- we've been together a year total.
The co-dependency thing... I don't know... I guess it's like how drug addicts don't really seek to be sober. Being sober equals being sad, unhappy, etc. Same thing with this guy and me- I don't see myself being very happy without him.
Lysondra
09-07-2008, 06:37 AM
Honey.. I quit drugs and I have a happy healthy life that I love. I was not at any point sad nor unhappy I quit. I was sad/unhappy I ever started.
txchick008
09-07-2008, 08:07 AM
^^
+ 1.
MsLayne
09-07-2008, 08:08 AM
Is being lonely the worst thing for a person! I mean, a few months and you had a tattoo. Please, please (don't take this the wrong way) GROW UP! A man does not define you, this is not your husband. You couldn't even stand to live with him for 6 months.
All the ladies have said everything and the world, to make you see the light. I hate seeing young girls fall for the bs. This isn't medieval times, when a man defined who you are. This is the 21st century where women have a say and have the ability to be 10x better than a man AND be happy.
I think you need to go to therapy and seek out why you are co-dependant. Cause I'm pretty sure, this guy wasn't the first. That's like a man asking me to stop trying to get a degree because he only has a high school diploma. Screw him, make ur money and save because $10 a hour Joe is not going to save you.
jaizaine
09-07-2008, 08:34 AM
I can't stand hearing girls leaving stripping coz of boyfriends.
You know what? When u fight he is still gonna bring up the fact that u were a stripper even if you're not doing it anymore.
You will resent him from keeping u from doing something you enjoy and not earning money.
If you end up breaking up with him down the track u will really regret making a decision like this based upon his wishes.
Life is short and you only get one shot at it. So live for you and not someone else.
ViolaStrings
09-07-2008, 08:52 AM
^ exactly. Especially about the part where even if you quit, he'll still bring it up. To those guys, you're still as bad as a stripper because you WERE a stripper.
jaizaine
09-07-2008, 08:56 AM
^ exactly. Especially about the part where even if you quit, he'll still bring it up. To those guys, you're still as bad as a stripper because you WERE a stripper.
yep so u may as well be still earning the $$$$$$$$ since u still have the reputation ;D ;)
txchick008
09-07-2008, 10:05 AM
Getting this tattoo for him sort of cemented it in my mind that I absolutely could not walk away marked for life. That I HAD TO make it work and tell our grandkids "You see this blurry spot on my wrist? Well thats your grandpop's initial! I knew from the very start is was forever..."
Oh. My. God. Can I ask how old you are sweetie? :O I don't mean to be rude - but when you reread that, don't you see how ridiculous it sounds? Please tell me you do...../:O
A man does not define you, this is not your husband.
Even if this man WAS her husband...you still can't let a man define who you are. Married or not. End of story.
I think you need to go to therapy and seek out why you are co-dependant. Cause I'm pretty sure, this guy wasn't the first.
^^
Agreed. We need some sort of SW counseling link for a lot of the girls posting lately. Counseling is NOT a bad thing, and it is NOT as expensive as you think. You would be surprised how much it can help. It can really help you sort things out inside your head, and get to the bottom of why you are doing such self-defeating things. I went when I was in my late teens and early 20's and caught myself doing stupid sh*t like I see on these boards...IT HELPS. And it's best to nip it in the bud before you're 25, 30...and making even bigger, more permanant mistakes.
KennedyWinters
09-08-2008, 03:31 AM
txchick008- I turn 24 in November, I feel like 28 though because I have lived in my own apartment since 15, instead of say 18 or 19.
ViolaStrings
09-08-2008, 09:30 AM
^ He was mad at you because you we're laughing too much at a comedy? What a jerk.
hot4ablackchick
09-09-2008, 06:21 AM
Leave. Him. Now.
lazydaisy
09-09-2008, 07:00 AM
Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:
An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonmentAn extreme need for approval and recognition
A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
A compelling need to control others
Lack of trust in self and/or others
Fear of being abandoned or alone
Difficulty identifying feelings
Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
Problems with intimacy/boundaries
Chronic anger
Lying/dishonesty
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions
Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role. the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.
Kennedy- this is You sweetie. Please listen to the other girls. They've been around the block and know what they are talking about.
Joy to the world
09-09-2008, 10:00 AM
^ exactly. Especially about the part where even if you quit, he'll still bring it up. To those guys, you're still as bad as a stripper because you WERE a stripper.
I end a friendship/ roommate situation with my best friend/ adoptive sister of 6 years because of this…..I realized that she hated my job and was not okay with it….I thought bout quitting and realized I would never be okay with her not being okay with stripping because that would always be a job that I had, friends, and shape who I am….
txchick008- I turn 24 in November, I feel like 28 though because I have lived in my own apartment since 15, instead of say 18 or 19.
I have been on my own since I was 16, one thing I have learned through trial and error is never to be completely dependant on someone else…I know I can count on myself and I am the only one I can control…that goes financially as well…while I’m sure you could figure out how to make ends meet working at hooters, people do…dancing (at least for me) is a lot more financially secure and provides me with a lot less stress about bills and making ends met….and not getting schedule & trying to go to school makes things sooooo much better than when I worked in restraunts…
txchick008
09-09-2008, 02:00 PM
Have you borrowed that book yet? :)
IMO, reading that book WOULD do some good and perhaps give you a better outlook on your relationship and the common mistakes that you are making. I don't think you're as sick as some other women, (where books in itself would NOT help). Of course, counseling IS always a plus, but I think you could totally turn things around and learn how to have a healthy relationship. :)
Best of luck!
KennedyWinters
09-11-2008, 01:42 AM
Apparently I have zero privacy and my boyfriend has already READ THIS THREAD...and now holds it against me that I "talk shit about him behind his back". I quit HOOTERS and went back into the stripclub tonight, making roughly 5 or 6 times what I would in 3 times more hours and 1000 times more effort (because selling your soul to corporate america is HARD in comparision to expressing your soul through music)
Dottie Rebel
09-11-2008, 02:42 AM
^^^Hot damn. I'm really proud of you, honestly. Now just keep this momentum going and drop his ass.
I am also so glad you took the advice in this thread in the spirit of sisterly support in which it was intended. So many chicks on here just never get it. I am so sick of people defending their dipshit male counterparts. You rock.
Kalligirl
09-11-2008, 07:01 AM
^^ yup yup. the quicker you leave, the quicker you will discover yourself. any man that is that controlling of you only stifles you and your ability to evolve. think of this as a new adventure into learning about yourself. Cause honey, I have been there done that and wish I left his ass 4 years ago to make up for lost time and all the experiences I have missed out on. And the tattoo removal process SUCKS.
txchick008
09-11-2008, 07:16 AM
Good girl.
Now the hard part.....Staying away from him & staying strong!!
ViolaStrings
09-11-2008, 11:14 AM
He read this?! He's spying on you? I hope he's reading this...
Hey buddy, fuck you! Stripping and being alone is better than being with you. If you're going to ask a girl to stop stripping, you'd better be able to provide her financially with all she needs to accomplish her goals. You suck a fuck.
ViolaStrings
09-12-2008, 12:24 AM
what the fuck...
hot4ablackchick
09-12-2008, 12:32 AM
He read this?! He's spying on you? I hope he's reading this...
Hey buddy, fuck you! Stripping and being alone is better than being with you. If you're going to ask a girl to stop stripping, you'd better be able to provide her financially with all she needs to accomplish her goals. You suck a fuck.
:D :D :D
I can't beleive "he" actually posted that. I can't help but get the feeling that it was the OP's post trying to make him look caring and sensitive.::)
Dottie Rebel
09-12-2008, 12:42 AM
^^^So true. Whether it was or not it's not allowed so I reported that shit.
Lysondra
09-12-2008, 01:51 AM
WHat the hell post did I miss? :O
iambonbon05
09-12-2008, 02:07 AM
WHat the hell post did I miss? :O
ditto. ANd I hope the OP is ok :O
Joplin
09-12-2008, 03:22 AM
I missed it too....
Dottie Rebel
09-12-2008, 04:10 AM
What ya'll missed was either the OP or her boyfriend posting as the boyfriend about what a sensitive and caring guy he is and how he didn't have a problem with her job as such, but was only concerned about her drinking, drugging, and allowing guys to touch her in ways that made her uncomfortable.
Who knows.
anomar
09-12-2008, 09:13 AM
Weird!!! Hope the OP is ok.
txchick008
09-12-2008, 12:51 PM
Oh Lordy.
*Iris*
09-12-2008, 01:00 PM
Wow I hope she is ok :/
KennedyWinters
09-19-2008, 02:42 AM
OMG I am totally OK. I am back at work, loving it, staying straight and making money. My boyfriend is cool about it, just as long as I have a plan or something. we're good. thanks for all the input ladies :)
anomar
09-19-2008, 10:23 AM
Damn girl.
Do me a favor and don't pay his rent, 'k???
*Iris*
09-21-2008, 04:39 PM
This is sad
la petite sexy
03-23-2009, 01:56 PM
Woooooow!
I am so glad I came across this thread. I've been going through some relationship difficulties...and I think the whole codependency thing may be me.
Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:
An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonmentAn extreme need for approval and recognition
A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
A compelling need to control others
Lack of trust in self and/or others
Fear of being abandoned or alone
Difficulty identifying feelings
Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
Problems with intimacy/boundaries
Chronic anger
Lying/dishonesty
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions
Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role. the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.
Kennedy- this is You sweetie. Please listen to the other girls. They've been around the block and know what they are talking about.
-I think all the stuff in purple is me :-[
You know what? When u fight he is still gonna bring up the fact that u were a stripper even if you're not doing it anymore.
Yep, he sure does :-\
And I also feel like I won't be happy without him, like no one will love me like he does etc. although I was very much in love once years before him. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
The worst part about it is it's like I can't get through to myself! I use to be this super strong, confident, take no bullshit woman but since I've been in this relationship I feel less like myself and more and more lost. Everytime he does something and I don't leave I feel like part of me is being chipped away. I even recently found myself feeding into his bullshit (him being a good man because he doesn't cheat, abuse me etc.) whereas the first time I heard that shit spewing from his mouth I had a fit and thought 'way to set your standards!'. I guess I've let him get away with more than I would ever let anyone else get away with because we have so much history and have been friends for so long but that's ridiculous. It's hard though because we do talk a lot and it seems like he does want to improve. I even thought about getting counseling to help sort out my feelings and going away so I can find myself again.
*sigh*
I'm definately gonna go check out that book.
Sorry this was so long it's just this thread is dead on with what I'm going thru and I guess I just needed to vent some.