View Full Version : Smacking other people's Kids...
High-Heel-Lover
09-25-2008, 05:57 PM
http://www.slate.com/id/2200450/
jaizaine
09-30-2008, 08:06 AM
The child has no injury, shit it was a smack on the bum.
If you dont like the way your child was treated at that house, dont let your child visit the house again. Simple.
doc-catfish
09-30-2008, 08:39 AM
You know, after reading the responses in this thread...
1. I would hate to be the father of a 5 year old child.
2. I would hate even worse for an another 5 year old, and particularly an unruly one, to be visiting at my house, misbehaving because they are not being disciplined properly at home. And if said misbehavior say, results in damage to my property or worse yet physical harm to my children, the most stringent thing I can do is call the kid's parents and tell them to pick Junior up?
3. The reasoning behind the spoiled brat phenomenon that has become epidemic over the last quarter century is now obviously apparent. Parents have somehow ingrained a mentality that their rules (and punishments to deal with violating those rules) apply even when their kids are visiting other people's homes.
Uh folks, it wasn't that way when I was five. It was pretty much ingrained in kid's heads that when you went over to somebody's home, that their rules and their punishments would be enforced. This applied to the school classroom as well. It was not all that uncommon to see the class miscreants making the occasional trip to the corner for a few wallops on the behind. And oddly enough, parents for the most part not only didn't object to such, but actually approved of it.
Somewhere around fifth grade, corporal punishment in schools became a no-no, and somehow the notion that it was wrong to use corporal punishment on other people's kids, or even your own kids while in public, soon followed.
And since about that time, I've seen the incidence of children getting away with things that would have easily gotten me and my peers spanked multiply substantially. Perhaps its coincidental, perhaps it isn't.
Just another way of looking at things.
^I take it that you don't have children? I have a feeling that your opinion would be very different if you did. I do understand that things were very different when we were growing up, but it just confuses the hell out of me how some people can think that it's okay to put there hands on someone else's child. I would never even think to put my hands on someone's child without their permission. But that's just my 2cents.
kitana
09-30-2008, 03:01 PM
^I take it that you don't have children? I have a feeling that your opinion would be very different if you did. I do understand that things were very different when we were growing up, but it just confuses the hell out of me how some people can think that it's okay to put there hands on someone else's child. I would never even think to put my hands on someone's child without their permission. But that's just my 2cents.
Well I DO have children, and I agree with him.
When corporal punishment became frowned upon (and in some cases illegal), then shit went south and we have all these bratty shitstain children running amuck.
Also, when I was in school, your parents signed forms whether they allowed the teachers or principals to spank you or not, so yes permission was granted.
Andygirl
09-30-2008, 03:05 PM
Well I DO have children, and I agree with him.
I have a child (and stepkids) and I agree with him too.
VegasPrincess
09-30-2008, 03:17 PM
IDK I guess for me, I think the disturbing part about this story is that a strange man smacked Flick's daughter on the ass. There are a million other things he could have done, he could have given them a time out, he could have walked her next door to her grandma's house....
Sorry, but a grown mans hand does not need to be coming in contact with a small child's ass, ever!! I'm not saying that he was doing anything perverted, but it's just not appropriate.
^^ Thank you VegasPrincess, What ever happened to time outs or not letting the kid come over anymore for a while, i mean there are a lot of options out there. Add to the fact that this man had no permission from Flick to spank her kid. I'm not saying i don't spank my children, you better believe that when they do something wrong they do get spanked, and you better believe my children aren't little brats running a muck, i never said there was anything wrong with a spanking, my problem is that this man had no permission & no right to smack someone else's kid.
Flick6
09-30-2008, 03:44 PM
And just to clarify, my daughter is far from undisciplined or unruly. She is excruciatingly polite and aware of how other people perceive her. She is very quiet and well behaved. She has her moments, but never out in public.
And if she has been belting a puppy or a smaller kid, or ripping his curtains off the wall, i might have been a little bit less bamboozled (although still not happy) she was playing OUTSIDE in the garden, doing something they had obtained permission for, and it made a mess, outside. Which they cleaned up. I just dont see how that is a situation that needs corporal punishment??
I was never hit (or smacked) growing up, and I know people that were. I was always better behaved out of a lot of people. I think it is a vast over simplification to lump, not being smacked or beaten, with not being disciplined. My kids are very firmly disciplined. And I'll admit my daughter has copped a couple of smacks over the years, but they are not hit regularly, because I don't think it is an effective way of disciplining a child, all it shows is a parents lack of discipline within themselves, IMO.
I dont judge what other parents do with their kids, so long as they arent beating the crap out of them, in which case I have very harsh judgments. But I do get a bit sick of hearing ppl equate a kid that doesnt get hit with being unruly. My girl isnt an angel, but she is very very well behaved.
doc-catfish
09-30-2008, 03:54 PM
^I take it that you don't have children? I have a feeling that your opinion would be very different if you did.
I don't think I could stomach having to raise a child in today's society. A society where social services could be sent after me for merely trying to show that child that their actions have consequences, and yet people of that exact same mindset could have that child expelled from school under the guise of "zero tolerance" for writing a dark humored story, or pointing a breaded chicken finger during lunch. Thats what happens when we take child rearing out of the hands of parents and teachers and put it into the hands of lawyers.
I do understand that things were very different when we were growing up,
How so? There were unruly children then as there are now. The only difference is that for the most part, our parent's generation knew that there was a line between discipline and abuse and where to draw it.
If non corporal discipline such as groundings, time outs, and suspending privileges are working for some parents, more power to them. 90% of the time I misbehaved, they worked on me. For that other 10%, Mom and Dad had to occasionally use a little elbow grease (and sometimes the flyswatter) to set me straight. I'm not in jail, addicted to any drugs, and haven't knocked any strange women up and abandoned them, so they must have done something right.
:)
^ Like I've stated in my previous posts I DID get many spankings from my parents as well as uncle & aunts with my parents permission. I'm also not saying that i always got spanked, there were plenty of time outs & groundings when i was a brat.
Hey and if you can't stomach having a child in this society, that is your choice.
LoveyDovey
10-01-2008, 02:21 AM
I choose not to spank my kid, or anyone else's . Rewards for good behavior and time-outs for bad behavior have been very effective in my household.
And no way would I even think of spanking someone else's kid. I've given time-outs, but hell no would I spank.
If someone spanked my kid, I would not allow them to play at that home anymore.
aviendha
10-01-2008, 03:32 AM
First of all, this wasn't a "strange man", but a neighbor. If the kid is old enough to play at his house without Mom present, then the "OMG a strange man touched my daughter's butt" angle really doesn't work. If he's that creepy, why is a 5-year-old allowed over there without a parent?
If it's a simple disagreement over the enforcement of discipline, I would call the guy and calmly discuss that you heard that both kids got a swat on the butt as a disciplinary measure, and while you respect that he has rules in his house, in the future he should send the kid home (or whatever) if she misbehaves. I would not call the cops, get in his face or otherwise act in a volatile manner, because a) this was weeks ago, b) you only have her word against his and c) you weren't there to see this and really have no idea what actually happened. It's done, so there's no point in reacting at this late date.
This got me thinking back to my own childhood, and how my friends' parents never hesitated to discipline their own kids, even right in front of us while we were over. One kid got his mouth washed out with soap for swearing! (His mom was hilarious, but boy, you didn't mess around with her.) None of us ever got similar treatment--the most we ever got was yelled at and/or sent home, and that's what our parents did too. And knowing that our friends were about to get in major deep shit was enough to cool our jets in a hurry. But if we misbehaved and our parents heard about it, they sure as hell didn't call the other parents up and yell at THEM for disciplining us, they yelled at US for misbehaving in someone else's home. As well they should have.
jasmine
10-01-2008, 03:14 PM
I do have children and will say that they don't go to visit anyone that is not allowed to discipline them. I also do not allow children in my home that I am not allowed to discipline.
I rarely ever swat and have never really spanked, but still: my house my rules. If you don't like it, don't leave your kid. I know everyones discipline style that may watch my kids, so I'm completely comfortable with them disciplining them. I also only trust my parents for overnights or long visits and trust maybe 2 other people, but only for a short time.
I think this whole "no one else can tell my kids what to do" mentality is spawning a generation of brats. I have a huge extended family and the only 2 families that had that mentality are the only 2 families that have felons for kids.
jaizaine
10-05-2008, 07:15 AM
I think this whole "no one else can tell my kids what to do" mentality is spawning a generation of brats.
SO TRUE.
Fenriswolf
10-07-2008, 01:31 AM
My 2c? Absolutely you're entitled to be pissed if he hit your child. But this is probably why a pre-babysitting chat is in order. I initially assumed he spanked her because that's how his kids are disciplined - totally out of line IMO but not malicious or particularly harmful.
As for the "'no one else can tell my kids what to do' mentality is spawning a generation of brats" thing... yes and no. I mean hell, if someone's going to watch your kids they have to be able to discipline them! But that doesn't give them the right to spank them if you're not comfortable with that. And IMO the problem with far too many parents (and dog owners dammit) is things like this: "please don't do that Johnny, mummy doesn't like it". There is something in between wacking your kids and cajoling them dammit!
Flick6
10-07-2008, 01:45 AM
My 2c? Absolutely you're entitled to be pissed if he hit your child. But this is probably why a pre-babysitting chat is in order. I initially assumed he spanked her because that's how his kids are disciplined - totally out of line IMO but not malicious or particularly harmful.
As for the "'no one else can tell my kids what to do' mentality is spawning a generation of brats" thing... yes and no. I mean hell, if someone's going to watch your kids they have to be able to discipline them! But that doesn't give them the right to spank them if you're not comfortable with that. And IMO the problem with far too many parents (and dog owners dammit) is things like this: "please don't do that Johnny, mummy doesn't like it". There is something in between wacking your kids and cajoling them dammit!
Yup, I agree with all of that. This has served as a reminder to me to curtail the amount of places she goes unsupervised.
I dont want to keep waffling on about how well behaved my daughter is, and sound like I think the sun shines out of her arse. Seriously though, she is quite firmly disciplined, and a very well behaved kiddo.
I just dont think other MEN (esp.) should be spanking her for no good reason. I am happy for her to be disciplined with time outs, tellings off, telling ME what has happened. etc etc.
Not spanking doesnt mean you let your kids run wild like half crazed dogs....
ahmeerah
10-07-2008, 05:59 AM
Am I the only one who thinks it would be appropriate to get the guy's side of things before jumping to conclusions? I'm sorry, but a young child's version of events, especially weeks after the fact, isn't always accurate.
Everyone is so quick to fly off the handle, which is ok I guess, but I'd want to get the facts first.
You're not the only one. I like to get all the facts too.
ahmeerah
10-07-2008, 06:05 AM
I think this whole "no one else can tell my kids what to do" mentality is spawning a generation of brats. I have a huge extended family and the only 2 families that had that mentality are the only 2 families that have felons for kids.
That mentality makes me think of daytime talk shows.
doc-catfish
10-07-2008, 06:12 AM
Am I the only one who thinks it would be appropriate to get the guy's side of things before jumping to conclusions? I'm sorry, but a young child's version of events, especially weeks after the fact, isn't always accurate.
Everyone is so quick to fly off the handle, which is ok I guess, but I'd want to get the facts first.
Something happened recently to a guy a couple of towns over from me that exemplifies this very point. Apparently, we shouldn't fix a diaper on someone else's kid either when Mom isn't around to do it, unless we want to spend three months in jail accused of molesting her.
http://www.hutchnews.com/Todaystop/allege