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*Iris*
09-26-2008, 10:53 AM
I was raised by my grandparents and I guess I wish they would have not let me do what I want because "I was going to do it anyway" and I wish I would have been showed some love like hugs, kisses, or something . There is alot more but those are the main things.

saphire123456
09-26-2008, 10:56 AM
Saphire, i'm so jealous! she's gorgeous, i want one.

aww thank you , i love my pony

RoseLeigh
09-26-2008, 10:57 AM
We were pretty freaking poor and when we did get stuff from my mom, little bro got the good stuff, 'cause boys are more important, duh. ::) My grandparents were the main source of 'stuff' I wanted (Thanks for the cabbage patch doll, Zeydah!), but the lack of importance was a big thing. I am number 1 for me now! Good food, privacy, books, comfy space, therapy. I haz them.

I'm also giving myself the college education that was never planned on or saved for. Better late than never.

Oh, and I got new decent gods too.

CKXXX
09-26-2008, 12:34 PM
Support...my parents always looked at my aspirations to be an actress as flighty and wrong,even telling me I would never achieve it because I had no talent (which I DO...I cant sing worth shit but I AM a very good actress) and making me change my major from theater to something "real"or they wouldnt pay for my education.

Pets. I wanted a pet ever since I was very little and the best my parents would do is get me a plant. The year I moved out and went to college they got a dog because my brother wanted one. I'm making up for it with the menagerie I've had since then..I've had everything from dogs to rats!

Lessons..I wanted to learn piano and gymnastics but they wouldnt let me. Oddly enough though,in high school they let me take private drum lessons...??

A letter jacket. I have letters but no jacket to put them on.

Travel. We never took a vacation other then a few day trips to the shore and one trip there that lasted a few days when I was about 5. I have traveled a bit now and want to keep traveling!

aviendha
09-26-2008, 01:03 PM
Control over my own life.
A smoke-free environment.
Sufficient food and clothing.

Well...I had to buy all my own food, clothing, toiletries, etc. but it's a lot easier to do with a real job than on a $60/week retail job. On the other hand, until I *was* old enough to get a job and buy my own clothes, I had to deal with only having like 3 shirts and pairs of jeans from Target (and this was back when Target was anti-cool) and wearing the same thing twice a week. It was ridiculous. I have no idea if we were poor or not (my parents didn't share any info about their income), but we couldn't have been too poor, since my little sister got braces and was sent to private school. At least once I paid for my own stuff, I actually got decent clothing. (Of course, I had no taste. *heh* Plus it was the 80s, the decade of no taste, so it was a double whammy in terms of bad clothing choices.)

Also: a daily life free of drama, blatant favoritism and emotional abuse. I grew up being told I wasn't part of the family, my needs were completely ridiculous and unreasonable, and that I was mentally ill because I expected differently. Luckily for me, I had enough perspective and common sense to know otherwise, and that my mother's the crazy one, but it sure made for an unbelievably frustrating and angry childhood.

Bianca O'Blivion
09-26-2008, 01:49 PM
I still always think that people are gonna dump me in a hospital somewhere when they don't feel like having me around anymore.

Oh, and toothpaste, shampoo, razors, haircuts, clothes, etc. My mother made me start paying for pretty much everything when I was about 15 even though she got child support from my biological dad every month. Sad thing is, she's still pretty much that way when it comes to me, but she'll bail my sister out of all kinds of money situations no matter what.

:'( Eh, I'll tell you when I talk to you. You reminded me of something.

On the bright side, I enjoy everything I get for myself ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. Even the intangible things.

Sauske
09-26-2008, 01:59 PM
no offense but some of these responses make me sick. try working with kids who have gang banger fathers, parents who sexually abuse them, let them have lice, etc. etc. when you look at it, a lot of those little things you didn't get as a kid are pretty fucking trivial.

Bianca O'Blivion
09-26-2008, 02:10 PM
no offense but some of these responses make me sick. try working with kids who have gang banger fathers, parents who sexually abuse them, let them have lice, etc. etc. when you look at it, a lot of those little things you didn't get as a kid are pretty fucking trivial.

I agree with you. However, those kids are really wards of the state & IMO, once the law gets involved in a child's welfare due to the failures of the parent, the parents can be deemed "non-parents." Due the horribleness of the situation, we don't say that but most foster kids can admit it's the case.

anomar
09-26-2008, 02:14 PM
Emotional freedom.
Travel.


Must be fun to be traveling the world right now, huh?


There's not that much that my parents didn't give me. Maybe I feel that way in part b/c I have a great relationship w/ my sisters, so while my dad is no longer in the picture, my relationship w/ my mom is actually constantly improving.

anomar
09-26-2008, 02:16 PM
no offense but some of these responses make me sick. try working with kids who have gang banger fathers, parents who sexually abuse them, let them have lice, etc. etc. when you look at it, a lot of those little things you didn't get as a kid are pretty fucking trivial.

I don't think there is a minimum amount of sadness required to post in this thread...

Sauske
09-26-2008, 02:20 PM
I agree with you. However, those kids are really wards of the state & IMO, once the law gets involved in a child's welfare due to the failures of the parent, the parents can be deemed "non-parents." Due the horribleness of the situation, we don't say that but most foster kids can admit it's the case.

yeah im talking about when the law doesnt get involved.

Not trying to stir shit, just sayin.

Sauske
09-26-2008, 02:21 PM
I don't think there is a minimum amount of sadness required to post in this thread...

*puts on hat and tapes up streamers for the pity party*

anomar
09-26-2008, 02:26 PM
*puts on hat and tapes up streamers for the pity party*

I'll bring a cake! :) :) :)

I chimed in to say that my parents did a great job raising me!

Kalligirl
09-26-2008, 03:43 PM
funny, a pony was one thing I actually did get as a kid.

A shetland pony named Misty was an Easter present when I was about 10.

whoa. i had a white arabian/shetland named misty/mistina when iw as that age

sparkleeyz
09-26-2008, 05:08 PM
My cats

Jordan sneakers. lol. I don't even wear them but just the fact that they'd never buy them for me even though they had the money too, makes me buy them.

Lklucky
09-26-2008, 05:23 PM
no offense but some of these responses make me sick. try working with kids who have gang banger fathers, parents who sexually abuse them, let them have lice, etc. etc. when you look at it, a lot of those little things you didn't get as a kid are pretty fucking trivial.

Parents can neglect you in ways that are not physical; try having your emotional needs ignored or having your parents see you as an extension of themselves and their accomplishments or failures and treating you as such instead of an individual with your own thoughts and feelings--try being a stepchild who is forced into invisibility in order to survive being raised by an angry stepfather who laughs when he sees you cry. There is just so much that can bring on years of feeling worthless and feeling locked in depression that can not be prosecuted by the law.

Sauske
09-26-2008, 05:30 PM
oh thanks for the enlightenment.

kikidejavu
09-26-2008, 05:53 PM
why does someone have to be a downer on every thread?

jeez o pete
its not like we're sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, or claiming that we had the most fucked up childhood on earth.

we are having an entertaining conversation.
good golly.....every thread............

aviendha
09-26-2008, 07:11 PM
And some of the items people are listing are pretty trivial (like ballet lessons, or a pony), but most of them are not only not trivial, but basic necessities (food, clothes, nurturing). It's not like someone automatically has a great childhood just because Uncle Pete didn't rape them or nobody sold drugs out of the basement.

This is the same faulty logic that people use to explain how the poor in this country aren't really poor because they're not sitting malnourished in a refugee camp somewhere. Neither sitting in a refugee camp, nor having a gangbanger for a father or having lice, is the bar at which the definition for an adequate life begins. ALL of us should've had parents who provided for our needs and well-being.

kikidejavu
09-26-2008, 07:27 PM
^ i agree. and also for this particular conversation, we werent only dealing with serious issues, so trivial things that didnt really bother us were welcome to the convo too.

naughty_princess
09-26-2008, 08:58 PM
my mom wouldn't let me take dance lessons because she thought i would end up being a stripper!

Christany
09-26-2008, 09:02 PM
Garbage Pail Kids. Mine mysteriously disappeared (aka thrown out). Sigh. Some parents just didn't have the foresight for collectibles, bluebook value, and Ebay.

ahmeerah
09-26-2008, 09:29 PM
My Mom wouldn't let me cheerlead because Jehovah's Witnesses weren't supposed to do that stuff. :(

kikidejavu
09-26-2008, 09:31 PM
is it true that jehovahs witnesses dont vote?

Bunny
09-26-2008, 11:04 PM
When I was about 21 I paid for my nose job. I always thought my parents would pay for it growing up. They always said I wasn't old enough. Maybe they figured by the time I was old enough to have one I'd outgrow the desire, but I had an ugly nose, so I never did. Some of the best $$$ I ever spent too.

Lklucky
09-26-2008, 11:15 PM
oh thanks for the enlightenment.

No, thank you! We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

Sauske
09-27-2008, 09:25 AM
my parents didn't give me a childhood :( so i will do that now.

blhablahblahblah nee nee noo noo nahan haanahhh

Ina
09-27-2008, 09:32 AM
Anyways back on track, My parent did give me all the love & support etc. It was more material things for me, anyways i always wanted a big ass dollhouse (no i did not buy one for myself) but it did make me happy as hell when my daughter asked me for one, to be able to buy her the biggest one i could find.

pr317
09-27-2008, 10:15 AM
Lklucky!!!! Me too!!! I wanted ballet lessons sooooooo badly when I was little. lol I'd read "Angelina Ballerina" and this kid's book of ballet poses over and over and I wanted a tutu and pointe shoes so badly! But, my mom just didn't get it or something, and pathetically enough, I've never really forgiven her in a way. She said, 'oh well there weren't many ballet places in our town', etc.... but when i got older, I found out there were!!! So, when I was like 17, I took adult classes with my own money and stuff. It was kinda therapeutic for me.... but i am always jealous of girls who started ballet when they were little girls, cuz they have that naturally great posture and flexibility even later in life, I find!!! Sigh... lol

RoseLeigh
09-27-2008, 11:21 AM
my parents didn't give me a childhood :( so i will do that now.

blhablahblahblah nee nee noo noo nahan haanahhh

I really don't think any of that was meant by this thread. There are plenty of threads where posters have talked about bad childhoods. There's nothing wrong with doing for yourself.

ahmeerah
09-27-2008, 11:53 AM
is it true that jehovahs witnesses dont vote?

They do not vote.

///end thread jack//////


My Mom wouldn't let me wax my facial hair before I started Jr. High. Just because she was confortable with her mustache didn't make me want to have one too! lol

Sauske
09-27-2008, 12:14 PM
I really don't think any of that was meant by this thread. There are plenty of threads where posters have talked about bad childhoods. There's nothing wrong with doing for yourself.

shhhhhhh :):) im pmsing and just got a little annoyed. I will participate.

my parents never got me a dog when i was a kid even when i wrote them a stupid fucking essay. i recently adopted a puppy from some homeless people so i guess that fits this thread

phillyvixen
09-27-2008, 01:59 PM
My parents were uber religious and wouldn't let me wear a bikini or go trick or treating. We used to have to go to church on Halloween for a "Harvest Party" Bullshit!!
So eventually i got smart and would ditch the party and go trick or treating in the neighborhood of the church then eat ALL the candy i could before the party was over. HAHA I just remembered that. I have a very bad memory and i'm always amused when i remember something i haven't thought of in a million years.
I can't wait to take the baby trick or treating in her Layla Lion costume
http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x18/phillyvixen/26b3acda.jpg
I am going to be a mildly sexy pirate :)

When my dad got cancer we tried all alternative treatments which included a macro biotic diet (yuck and it Didn't work, he died within 1 year.)
So whenever i was home alone I would steal change from my moms change jar and walk down to WAWA and buy kraft mac and cheese and american cheese and white bread and make grilled cheese and mac and cheese (i kinda love cheese) :)

I also was not allowed to listen to "secular" music, only christian rock and such. I used to rock out to Amie Grant in my walkman!
Now of course i listen to whatever i want and even go to concerts on occasion

My mom also cut my hair really short because it was too hard to maintain so now its super long and I spend obscene amounts of money making it look nice (and i LOVE It lately)

Hmmm what else, I always had to drive old used cars and now i drive a New escalade.

After my mom remarried they made my brother and I live in the basement and we weren't even allowed on the second floor, now i roam free, and whenever i am at their house i jump on their bed.

Laylas
09-27-2008, 02:15 PM
Layla is freaking adorable! You're about to hit the candy motherlode this year!!

Ugh, I had the same Halloween experience as you, PV. It was considered a "Devil's holiday" and so we were only allowed to dress up as saints/angels and go to church parties to celebrate All Saint's Day on Nov. 1st. Since I've left home, Halloween has been one of my most favorite holidays and I always take WEEKS putting together a badass sexy/scary costume. I'm sad that Liam will only be a couple weeks old this year, but we have a cute little pumpkin had & bib for him. I think it's great he'll be born semi-close to Halloween so we can throw him costume birthday parties.

GoldCoastGirl
09-27-2008, 02:24 PM
Besides the monetary stuff, what I didn't get as a child which I now know is REALLY important is affection.


I have only managed to really read the first page ... however as I noted in the other thread (what my parents DID give me)... materiallistically I got enough... however the above is EXACTLY the one thing I would have loved to received more...

Hugs, my parents saying I LOVE YOU to me (I can't actively remember as a kid if they ever did so..)...

and my mum was the cook and she could NOT cook.... she would have benefitted from all the cooking shows today for sure!

and being emotionally abused by my mother. yeah, she gave me dance lessons, cats etc however... there are some scares that will never heal.

phillyvixen
09-27-2008, 03:06 PM
Layla is freaking adorable! You're about to hit the candy motherlode this year!!


Aww thanks, I can't wait to see pictures of your little pumpkin!!
Not much longer now, i'm sure you are so excited!!

//threadjack

BTW I think this thread is AWESOME! And kinda therapeutic in some ways for me, to think about how my parents raised me and what i plan to do the same and different for my daughter.

I think we would all appreciate if we could leave the llama and snarkyness outside.
Kthx

//threadjack x 2

aviendha
09-27-2008, 03:13 PM
I really don't think any of that was meant by this thread. There are plenty of threads where posters have talked about bad childhoods. There's nothing wrong with doing for yourself.

Maybe she means "Now I'll act like a 5-year-old", because that would be consistent.

Darcy Foxx
09-28-2008, 04:21 AM
in terms of materialistic things, i always got what i wanted - not to the extent of being spoiled but there's nothing i can remember ever desperately wanting and not having. they also gave me plenty of love and affection and care.

the only thing they never provided me with that i now make sure i have, is the life i want to live. because of my dad's jobs i spent my childhood in small country towns that i hated, where i was an outcast with no friends and where i was never truly able to be myself. now i live my life for me, and i give myself the life i want.

~Isabella
09-28-2008, 04:35 AM
What my parents didn't give me was stability. I didnt know if there would be electric, heat, food, water, telephone....Sometimes we had it, sometimes not. I didn't know who my mom would be bringing home that night and I never felt safe. Sometimes I made her give me money to go geta hotel room because she had to many crack heads over. I had a lock on my bedroom door, but they would pick it to snoop in my room.

iI cant think of anythign my mom DID give me, because everythign she gave me, she also took away.

For Christmas, she would buy all these gifts, and then return them a few weeks later cause she was broke and needed alcohol. I distinctly remember the christmas I go this 3d puzze I had wanted really bad and I got half way through building it and she returned it to the store.

She let me have pets, but after a few motnhs, she would take them to the shelter. then she would let me get new cats a few months later, only to take them to the shelter. over and over..until i relaized what she was doing and refused to get more animals until I moved out.

She didnt giv eme guidance. She let my boyfriend spend the night in my bed when I was 15, but then she flipped out when she found out I was having sex...WTF did she expect??

No. Materialistic or emotionally, she didnt provide me with shit.

Miaowren
09-28-2008, 07:42 AM
My mum had a pretty miserable and shitty childhood. Amongst other things, her mum always cut her hair off super short like a boys (No reason, just because). So mum had to resort to wearing a yellow petticoat on her head. She called it 'her hair' and used to wear it while she played in her nana's backyard and swish it around like a glorious flowing mane.
She's a happy person and that's the kind of thing happy people do, they just work around it...

Until nana fucking stole it and threw it away! (No reason. She was just a mean and horrible mother.)

As a result I was not allowed to cut my hair (except for an unauthorised hack job massacre when I was 4...) But then when I was 15 I moved out and ended up chopping it all off, much to her horror :) I think it was like loosing 'her beautiful hair' all over again...

But the story ends well :) Today she has really nice shiny long hair. Nobody can take her beautiful hair away, ever again. And she swishes the shit out of it. Brings a smile to my face it does.

I love her. If anyone wants to share her I'm cool with that. I'll just fill you in and let her know. She's a bit old fashioned though.. she taught me how to cook and my brother how to change brakes. But he can't boil water and I'm not really sure if it was brakes or actually something else she taught him to be honest! Meh. :)

moll_flanders
09-29-2008, 02:03 AM
big boobs and long legs :D

trust and freedom

the ability to openly disagree with people or do anything even slightly against the norm without having my stomach knot up in anticipation of a verbal beatdown

the ability to love myself instead of needing other people to do it for me

the ability to not constantly anticipate people turning against me, and to not care if they do

the stability that would have come from my mother acknowledging her emotional rollercoaster and getting help, instead of blowing up at me over stupid things and then refusing to look at me or talk to me for days on end, ever since I was small

the mental health genes that would have kept me from having the exact same rage issues myself... :(

ongoing: giving emotional support as well as coming to me for emotional support (on the other hand, I'm lucky my mother doesn't ask too many questions about my life, as I would never be able to hide stripping if she did)

acknowledging her fuckups (my mother) instead of constantly spouting nonsense about how she raised me in some sort of motherly love paradise

Living happily is up to me now, but damn if it doesn't feel like an uphill struggle just to beat my childhood.

RoseLeigh
09-29-2008, 02:17 PM
My parents were uber religious and wouldn't let me wear a bikini or go trick or treating. We used to have to go to church on Halloween for a "Harvest Party" Bullshit!!

I also was not allowed to listen to "secular" music, only christian rock and such. I used to rock out to Amie Grant in my walkman!
Now of course i listen to whatever i want and even go to concerts on occasion


Hahaha. Me too, though I snuck the secular music until my mom just gave up. We were actually considered a bit 'wild' in my church because Amy Grant wore PANTS and wasn't married (then). All the other kids had to listen to full-on CCM. I didn't go trick or treating until I was in high school, either, except for once with friends who were not religious. I should go this year. ;D

winterrose
09-30-2008, 10:54 PM
I have never heard my mother tell me she loves me.

My mother has never told me she was proud of me.

She didn't come to my high school graduation.

Even when I passed in review from boot camp, she only came because my brother guilt tripped her into it.

All she ever said about me serving this country was when I went into Bosnia, she sent me chapstick. No be safe, nothing, but chapstick.

I have been in a lot of therapy over the things my mother didn't give me.

There was always food, clothes and shelter, but no wants...or love

MonicaF
10-01-2008, 01:33 AM
Name brand clothes.

As a kid, my parents had the money to buy me the name brands the other kids in my school wore, but they would never buy them for me. Being the only black girl in my school, made the fact that I wasn't wearing what the other kids wore even worse.

It took me up until last year as an ADULT to finally ALLOW myself to be frivilous enough to buy name brands for myself. Nowdays, I love Ed Hardy digs - I'm buying a pair of Ed Hardy boots next week :)

Gynger
10-01-2008, 09:06 PM
Braces on my teeth.... my parents were too cheap to fix them when I was a kid...

New Clothes... I wore hand me downs... I never had anything new.. not even shoes.. I'm now a shoe queen...

Positive Outlook- many years of counseling to try to undo the mental anguish my mother did-

A college education and being on the dean's list... (could not have been done without the one listed above)

One thing they DID DO : They gave me the ability to know What kind of parent I needed to be when it was time for me to have my own children... My daughter has everything I never had as a kid... and she is appreciative of it all.. my parents didn't give me much, but they DID give me the ability to realize what I didn't want to happen when I became a parent.

Ava Lee
10-02-2008, 01:25 PM
HA! i
just thought of one!
freedom!

i wasnt deprived of anything material as a kid, i had the best clothes, all the toys i wanted, i traveled with my parents, ate out all the time.
yet i had nooo freedom!
no dating, no sleepovers, basically no going out with anyone alone(girl or boy) ever!
The day i turned 18 i went out and didnt come back for a week!
been the same ever since }:D

Vyanka
10-02-2008, 01:50 PM
I have to admit, I was a pretty fucking spoiled ass kid. LOL. Most of the stuff I asked for, I got it.

I asked for ballet lessons. Got them, then hated it bc my legs were so sore so I quit.

At ten years old, I asked my dad for money to buy myself back to school clothes. He handed me a 100, I said no... not enough....200...no, still.....300, still not enough....400, ok that'll do. I can't believe that shit now. haha. What kid needs $400.00 worth of clothes back then, when shit was prob cheaper.

I asked for a dog, and I not only got one but two. The first one died, she was ill. The second one I had to give away bc she wasn't well trained and my mom didn't want any dogs around since she got pregnant.

Her last pregnancy was bc I was begging for a younger sibling. LOL. Yup. A princess fucking kid I was. LOL. And now I have a younger sister.


I was spoiled but I never disrespected my family, that's for one. And as an adult I don't have a shitty attitude bc of the spoiling, i'm quite humble these days.

Intravenus
10-03-2008, 06:59 AM
My mum never taught me to see things through. When i was a kid I took every lesson and class imaginable, horse riding, pottery, dancing, tennis, but as soon as it got hard, she let me quit. Im still really bad in that I quit so fast, I wish my mum had drilled it into meto stick at things.

M mum also never taught me how to eat properly, and, now Im over my eating disorder, i dont know what a proper meal is. Some days i do just buy slimfast milkshakes cos its easy. Today ive had a cup of museli and yogurt, a lemon curd sandwich, a few spoonfuls of potato salad and some uncooked falafels. I dont know how ro construct a meal properly...

norcalgirl
10-03-2008, 12:13 PM
My parents really put my brother's and my needs before their own. Therefore I can't complain but I did just get a dog (with my parents help) and got a cat when I moved out which I always wanted as a kid but couldn't have because "my dad was allergic." However, I think it was really because we rented and pets can be costly when you have to rent.

london
10-08-2008, 09:07 PM
Um, privacy....and, almost on the contrary, the ability to freely express myself when something is bothering me in a calm, non-confrontational way <for the most part!> with everyone important to me in life, EXCEPT them. Also came from a 'see no evil, speak no evil' family when it came to our home life.