View Full Version : The things your parents didn't give you...
It Girl
01-22-2009, 07:04 PM
Our big thing was emotion. You had to be secretive, and quiet in order to survive. Thats still something I work on, because they programmed me so that I think if i show sadness or anger, it'll provoke an even WORSE emotion from the people around me. So since I've been on my own, I've been trying to work on allowing myself to express emotion around people, and trying to break that pattern, to where i don't feel people will go out of their way to attack me because I'm already in tears. No wonder i have a huge fear of being abandoned.
this is something I need to learn how to give myself as well...I have given my self plenty of material things that my parents didn't give me but this is what matters...
but I did get something today that my mother never wanted me to have and I'm so excited about it...colored contacts! My mother always said my natuaral eye color was pretty enough and that contacts would mess up my eyes...whatever thats why they're they are made to be removed I love my eye color I just wanna be able to swicth up my look.
Ruby Ruckus
01-23-2009, 02:05 AM
the truth about who my real father actually is.
afterhoursmint
01-23-2009, 01:04 PM
self esteem.
more than stability, just generally the knowledge that I will be okay with or without a man, job, weight/look, whatever.
Oh, and I take dance lessons, fencing lessons, etc. as often as I can, because whenever I asked my mom for those she would reply "why don't you ask your father?" Of course, my father left us when I was three so I couldn't ask him for those things. haha. what a head trip.
sorsi
01-24-2009, 02:28 PM
It's what my parents DID give me that makes me resent them.
My mother is heavily involved with a cult and started getting really serious about it when I was about 10. To say that I grew up with a backwards, massively twisted world-view would be the understatement of the century. I also was completely naive and ill-prepared for going out into the world, and have always felt stunted compared to others my age who had normal upbringings free from fanatic dogma and brainwashing. Even now I struggle to rid myself of their fear-based views.
Honey71783
01-24-2009, 02:42 PM
My parents pretty much gave me everything when I was a kid. Actually, they still are giving me things while I finish school. So, when I originally saw this post I didn't know what to write. Now, that I have had time to think about it, here goes:
* Barbizon modeling classes
* Entrance fee for Miss Teen Florida
* Catholic confirmation (actually I just really wanted the confirmation name to add to my given name). (I'm Baptist, LOL...)
Honey71783
01-24-2009, 02:51 PM
Oh I forgot to mention... My brother's college roommate was never allowed to have snacks while growing up so he made a point to eat Little Debbie cakes for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. I remember visiting my brother's dorm and seeing Little Debbie boxes and wrappers everywhere. His roommate got soooo sick after a couple of months... LOL!
bella_4x4
01-26-2009, 10:07 AM
a space that was my own, organizing my own stuff, cotton candy, painting my own walls however i want, a kitty, things to eat that didnt come out of a box or pre cooked. what else, oh my sanity, they were suffocating.
chris91
02-01-2009, 03:24 AM
I didn't have a lot of stuff, but I don't remember wanting any material things when I was a kid. I was little weirdo anyway, so I was happy with my thrift store clothes and 20 year old box of crayons.
What I do remember wanting was to have my own car, go on road trips, be in a rock and roll band, get drunk, hop trains, and generally raise hell. Other than being in a rock and roll band, I've given myself all of those things.
Alexis81
02-01-2009, 07:54 PM
A dog. I was never allowed to have one growing up because we had no back yard - joys of growing up in Philly.
charlygirl
02-03-2009, 01:09 AM
Man don't get me started here or this post will roll on 100 pages by me alone.
Seriously though once you're grown up you forgve what your parents didn't give you and focus on what they DID give you because whatever they didn't give you gets completely over ridden by their giving you LIFE. Wo-hoo for parents!!
Harlow
02-05-2009, 09:35 PM
I love my parents and I miss them immensely...one thing I've worked to find on my own and with the help of my significant other is STABILITY. With mom, one day I was sugar and the next I was shit. I know my parents loved me, but my mom partially passed on the dysfunction she experienced with her own mom,but to a lesser extent. Moreover, I can always go to my SO for sSUPPORT and/or ADVICE. My mom NEVER gave me advice-she'd say "If I give you advice and things go wrong,you'll blame me!" I think my mom was convinced after 21, I should be wearing a polyester pants suit(with a pussy cat bow blouse,no doubt)instead of shaking my ass in a club. I'm definitely NOT growing old gracefully. Cheers,Harlow
mediocrity
02-06-2009, 12:46 AM
I always wanted a pony or horse too! They gave me tons of various lessons but I was good at getting tossed out.}:D
Maybe the only thing is money for college. I have had to scare that up on my own. But other than that, I'm hard pressed for anything./:O
fantasiarene
02-06-2009, 03:01 AM
I can think of plenty of things that my mom gave me--all the clothes and toys I wanted--but it's harder to think of what she didn't give me. I was very spoiled. Mom had another room built onto the house for my crapload of toys I had. She never forced me to clean my room but made me clean up after myself so I guess on that she didn't give me the ability to clean up after myself. I know how to it's just really hard to keep from being a slob.
Mom never let me take figure skating lessons as a kid. I never found out why either. I'm pretty good but I wonder how much better I would be had she let me start at 5 or 7 than when my aunt let me at 12.
This will sound selfish but my mom didn't give me the chance to really get to know her. I lost her July 19, 1993 from breast cancer. I was almost 12. :'( I had lost my dad in 1982 so I never knew him either. After I lost my mom I went to live with my aunt.
My aunt didn't give me the preparation I needed for life. I just learned how to do my taxes last year. I never got to wear name brand anything with her. I was getting clothes at Walmart before Walmart was cool. I got forced to clean my room by my aunt but it was an abusive way, as in if you don't clean your room you're not getting dinner. I wasn't even allowed to go with her to celebrate a family member's birthday because I hadn't finished my room. I know nothing about my mother's trust/estate because "there's nothing I need to know about it" (bullshit).
When she moved out of the house 8 years ago and gave it to me I was promised that everything would be in my name when I turned 21 (I was 19). At 20 she got pissed off because she came down to see why the new gutters had not been installed yet and the house happened to be a mess. She decided right after I turned 20 to put the house and all bills in my name. There's nothing worse than not having a job and ending up with $500 worth of bills (including deposits).
Neither my mom nor my aunt taught me how to budget my money so I still have issues with that. My aunt did pay for me to have a nose job--part cosmetic and part medical since I couldn't breathe/people teased me about it.
I read all the other posts and I know I didn't have it as bad as some. I'm grateful for what I was taught and given.
Meleania
02-28-2009, 10:16 PM
Very interesting thread, I read the whole thing ^.^
Ive thought long and hard, and the only thing I didn't get as a child was a trampoline, im buying one when I get enough spare money and the weather is warmer ;D ....or a horse, but im glad they didnt let me have one cuz those are a TON of work.
*~Angel~*
02-28-2009, 10:22 PM
AznExtasy....that sounds like my mom. She is a single parent and she tried her best. But we have always had little.
stripperMBA
03-04-2009, 06:54 PM
understanding
enough food
kindness
clean clothes
peaceful loving household
Blue_Dust_Bunny
03-04-2009, 07:41 PM
My father was a jerk when it came to being comfortable with your body/sexuality. He thought being fat was the worst possible thing that can happen to anybody, and the fact that I was always a chubby kid who wasn't into sports led to a lot of verbal assault and him denying to let me do things because I was too fat. For example, he didn't think I should go to the beach with the rest of the family because I was too fat to wear a bathing suit.
But now I'm a happy, proud stripper who is super confident with the body she has ^__^
dance77
03-04-2009, 07:56 PM
I always wanted a tree house too, and never got it, >:(
SpeakngEZ
03-04-2009, 10:37 PM
Anyways back on track, My parent did give me all the love & support etc. It was more material things for me, anyways i always wanted a big ass dollhouse (no i did not buy one for myself) but it did make me happy as hell when my daughter asked me for one, to be able to buy her the biggest one i could find.
I like this one because a dollhouse was the one thing my mom DID give me growing up. She made it herself out of scrap wood and sew together little pieces of cloth and balsa wood to make furniture and a huge french window in the living room made of real glass and curtains and throw rugs--two stories and an unfinished attic!!! I was five. I kept it until I was about 14--we moved around a lot and I'm surprised it followed us for as long as it did.
My parents had JACK SHIT to give me when I was younger but they did their best to make it better for my brother and I. Considering the amount of money we had, I think we had it pretty good.
seasaltpop
03-05-2009, 10:55 AM
My dad was against make-up, short hair, and more than one piercing in each ear. After he passed away, I was around 15, I cut all my hair off, got several body piercings and I now have tattoos, which he would've hated. And of course, I started wearing make-up. I don't have any anger or anything like that towards him about how he was.
BlueJeanBaby
03-17-2009, 08:40 PM
For me it was a lack of self esteem, stability, and preparation for adulthood. I entered this time of my life completely ill prepared with no working knowledge of how to be on my own and no sense of confidence to keep from forming self-destructive habits. What they DID give me was the notion that the cards are always stacked against you, and I struggle with this as I try to get through college with no support system...always thinking i'm never gonna make it :(
My greatest goal right now is to develope enough self esteem and confidence to change my behavior.
AmishGirl
11-28-2013, 12:24 PM
no offense but some of these responses make me sick. try working with kids who have gang banger fathers, parents who sexually abuse them, let them have lice, etc. etc. when you look at it, a lot of those little things you didn't get as a kid are pretty fucking trivial.
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