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chanzep
12-06-2008, 08:02 AM
alot of people say it easier for your body to bounce back if you have kids when your younger but i dunno anyone?
im 27 and wanted kids by time i was 30 , but I dunno anymore I havent done all my travelin yet , Im comin to the US next year and maybe AUS I wana get out of here , and I dont have a man so who knows when I will have of if, I would be sad if i didnt and I dont know how I will give birth I can't take pain, also I love sleepin too much i dunno maybe Il be ready one day;D

ViolaStrings
12-06-2008, 01:01 PM
There wasn't a "I want kids" selection,so I picked pregnant.
I'm planning on having kids in the next year.
I had an abortion at 16.
Never really wanted kids until niece came into my life,I realize how amazing children are. Yes,I understand that they are hard work,and it's not as easy as you think..but the thought of havin a child brings tears to my eyes. I'm young,but it's really something I want.
I talked to my boyfriend about it last night. He said He wouldn't be devastated if he got me pregnant,he would be pretty happy actually..but he decided it wasn't something we were ready for. Understandable. We had sex last night..and he decided not to pull out. Heh. Guess he wants kids afterall:):)
So...I'll update you guys ina month. lol. see if I get my period.


I don't think when he came in you he was making the conscious decision to have kids and spend his life with you. I think he just figured you'd be ok with him coming in you. I can't believe you're using the pull out method. Do you have any idea how ineffective that is? You're asking to get pregnant.

PleasureVictim
12-06-2008, 01:55 PM
Spankie!

I am not passing judgement on you or what you want to do. I think you are cool beans :-) and I want to give you a little more food for thought.

Please
Please
Please
Please wait a little bit longer before you embark on motherhood. I'm not someone who hasn't been in your shoes neither someone who isn't a mom telling you the 'right way' to have a child.

I got pregnant days before my 21st birthday. I had a stable job at the time and the insurance and benefits to cover my child after I gave birth. I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to have any at the time. Her dad and I loved to be together and have sex together. Yeah he seemed to be a pretty upstanding guy who worked and seemed normal. He was shocked at first, then happy. He is a guy who loves kids. Knowing all this TODAY. I would tell you with NO conviction to WAIT.

Get yourself stable. Job, place to live, etc. Your boyfriend says he will be around. Fine. Now plan for life without him. Plan on getting the baby ready for daycare, for school, for after school programs, etc. Ready to do this on your own if you two break up or if he bails completely?

Honestly I'm not disillusioned. But these things happen. No matter how sweet the guy seems. I am not putting him or any other guy down. Hell, being married doesn't matter anymore either.

I had a friend who did it the right way. Married, house BEFORE the baby. Husband there through the whole pregnancy. Then guess what- he bails. She gave birth to her son with her best friend holding her hand. Daddy decided he wanted to be with his girlfriend instead of watching his son, his first born come into the world.

No one predicts these things. I am a firm believer of having a contingency plan. Making dumb mistakes and having to suffer the consequences is my middle fucking name. Take it from me.

My daughter is a godsend. She is a great kid, was a well-behaved baby, the whole nine yards. She has toys and clothes and tons of family who loves her.

Did I make the right choice getting pregnant before I had an apartment or even a license? NO.

Did I sit down and make a real relationship with her dad or was he just the guy I was infatuated with more than being in love with? NO.

I ended up marrying her father, but not for the right reasons. Today she cries at night because we are no longer together. I can blame him for his infidelity- and I can blame myself for not making better choices. Now I have a child to raise while simutaneously cleaning up my own mess.

Another thing to consider. God forbid your child is born with down syndrome or MS. Are you ready to handle that? We will say yes right off the bat but think about it. Nothing wrong with not wanting to go through that. I mean who does? Almost no one.
My daughter came 3 months early. If I wasn't working for Uncle Sam I would have been stuck with a $120,000 medical bill to pay. And that's before she went to the military hospital for another 2 months. I don't know how much that costs but having a child in an ICU for that amount of time could take some people a lifetime to pay back.

She came out the hospital and could not go to daycare because she was on a heart machine. I did not qualify for a home nurse because that machine alone wasn't for a nurse, she needed to be on something else also.

The only daycare that would take her was almost $100 a DAY- not a week like the others. I could not afford that. I had to send my few months old daughter to my mom until she was off the machine.

All this means, we can not predict the future or what obstacles we will have to deal with. I am not telling you not to do it- just to THINK THINK THINK. Really think.

Babysitting nieces and nephews is nothing like having your own. My siblings were born when I was 15. My mom used to wake ME up to get their bottles and feed them even though I was in school! So I did more than my fair share of baby care and it still wasn't the same.

I know dads who rather play Xbox than take their kids for a walk or even pay attention to them. But you'd better believe when the time comes to make more they'll beat you to the bedroom mattress!

I was a lovechild, I had a lovechild and so did most of my friends. Even the ones who got married either aren't married today or are struggling to keep it together. Whichever route you take- take a good long look at yourself and your situation. If you two aren't together will he pay child support? Is he the type to stay out of work to not pay? I have friends dealing with this right now. If you think you can go it alone (not saying you will but in case you have to) then I wish you a healthy pregnancy and baby.

If you are ambivalent- just please get on some birth control. It is worth it's wait in gold. Shit, fuck gold- more like platinum & diamonds LOL.

PleasureVictim
12-06-2008, 02:04 PM
^^Sorry for the novel- but if I can spare someone some of the heartache, guilt and pain I have dealt with, so be it.


I have a daughter but don't plan on having anymore. She was unplanned. I love her very much, but I simply know that this is not the life I want. She is such an easygoing child that I am blessed with still getting to do things. But I would give anything to have my body back and no stretch marks and no responsibilities. I am quite content with my one daughter.

Me too! I know what you mean. My baby is such a sweetie, I seriously think I would give birth to Damien if I went back again.

While it would be fun to pick up and go whenever I want, in a way mine keeps me grounded and from doing extremely foolish things. I am motivated to do what I need to because I want to show her how to survive and cope and persevere. I see her one day in front of a crowd thanking her mother for everything! Haha I'm so silly.

mediocrity
12-07-2008, 02:09 PM
I don't think when he came in you he was making the conscious decision to have kids and spend his life with you. I think he just figured you'd be ok with him coming in you. I can't believe you're using the pull out method. Do you have any idea how ineffective that is? You're asking to get pregnant.

I agree! The pull out "method" makes me want to tear my hair out.>:(

Miss_Luscious
12-08-2008, 07:02 AM
The idea of having babies is quite romantic. However, he reality is anything but romantic. It's much harder than anyone can realize before they have kids, even if they babysit whole lot or whatever. Like I said before, I love my kids but if I could do it all again, I would have waited or not had kids at all. Whoever said you stop being yourself and become so-and-so's Mom was exactly right. My husband and I even call each other Mommy and Daddy more than we call each other by our names. We half-jokingly count down the years till we can just be us again and enjoy our marriage. Only 18 years till the last one goes off to college! (honestly I'm just counting the days till he gets the fuck out of me)

bella_4x4
12-08-2008, 09:03 PM
i grew up around kids. i have a huge family. like 20+ first cousins, and were all really close. i always knew i would have kids one day, just not as early, though i like that im young enough to keep up with all of them. my first was a suprise, and i probably could have gone a lot of different ways when it happened. i had already left her father and didnt turn back. i told him, and he was more than happy to pretend he never knew, ass. i started dating my now bf before i even knew i was pregnant with her. he stood by me every step of the way, even though it was tough for him. we talked a lot about our plans for kids in the future, we agreed that we would have one more, ina few years (so that they were close together. me and my siblings are 4+ years apart and i hated feeling distant to them). when she was almost two he started getting an itch, and mine followed. we talked, i stopped taking birth control. a month later i was already pregnant. we agreed no more. a year later we moved into a different place and the move made me forgetful. i missed a bunch of pills so i basically told him i was off limits for a bit till it was all sorted out. a week later, oops. the next morning i asked him to go and grab me a plan b thing. then he asked if i really wanted to. it was decided i woulnt take it, but if i got my time of the month (which he thought was incredibly likely) id start taking the pill again. nine months later, twins! so although they werent entirely planned, they were wanted, and i wouldnt trade them for anything. but i was completely aware while pregnant that there was always going to be a possibility id be doing it alone. if i thought i couldnt. i wouldnt have had them, or gotten pregnant again in the first place. thats really something i think should be considered, could i do it alone. and good thing i did. im getting my tubes tied next month. im done, and i know i will never want to have more than i do. but i love having a big family. though im sure ill end up going bankrupt on feminine hygeine products lol. i just pray they dont get my atitude...and i totally agree with miss luscious. nothing can prepare you for what its really like to have a child. and i dont mean to sound mean or cold (OP), but you really need to get yourself emotionally and mentally ready for having a child in a very short amount of time. it drains you in every way possible at first. you need to be ready and prepared to give everything in you and every second to devote to another living thing, it is very hard to have anything that is just yours, whther its jewelry or a cookie or breakfast, a bed, a few minutes. its wonderful having kids IMO, but i have some very close friends who are completely happy, and i dont blame them, with never wanting to have kids.

Farrah_Holiday
12-08-2008, 11:18 PM
It would be nice someday..But until then it's fun being mom to my nieces and nephew.

kthnx
05-11-2010, 02:59 PM
Why is there no "I want kids someday" option?

that was my first thought too. and where is the option for ttc (trying to conceive) or even an option for "wishing for it" or something similar? this poll assumes that people either have kids, or don't want to. it doesnt consider the childless-not-by-choice aka infertile. i know a few 40yr olds who are childless but do still want kids.

Kellydancer
05-11-2010, 03:47 PM
that was my first thought too. and where is the option for ttc (trying to conceive) or even an option for "wishing for it" or something similar? this poll assumes that people either have kids, or don't want to. it doesnt consider the childless-not-by-choice aka infertile. i know a few 40yr olds who are childless but do still want kids.

I would be in the I want kids, though I am older (I am 39). When I was younger, didn't want kids. I even considered getting my tubes tied. Now I want children in the next few years (and contrary to what younger people might think you can still have babies in your 40's as long as you're fertile and not going through menopause).

However, here's my major problem: Finding the right guy. I am very strict on finding a never married guy without kids who wants to get married since I am opposed to single parenthood generally. Unfortunately, because of my age, they are harder to find than the guys who have kids already. This is one area I can't budge for many reasons, including I want my children to be his first, I don't want my children to lack for anything because he has to pay for his other kids, he has time to spend on his only children (mine). Actually there are many other reasons I don't date dads. I was seeing a guy who fit my never married, no kid requirement but as of now seems to have disappeared (he's got issues). The never married is because of religious views. If I never find a guy fitting these requirements, I might consider adopting a child who needs a home (the one time I have no problems with single parenthood). However, I have faith I'll find a guy like this (I am joining a singles group near my home).

Su Su
05-16-2010, 08:55 AM
Gee there should be an answer called "want children"!

Cos I would in the future.

ShanFla
05-17-2010, 06:04 AM
No kids, fuck no, no fucking way ever, fuck no, hell no, noooooo, just plain no!

Seriously, though.....No hell no! My husband and I are way too involved with each other to have a 3rd party enter the mix.

Besides, I consider my kids to be business #1, and business #2, and so on and so on....

Su Su
05-17-2010, 07:45 AM
Gee reading all these posts makes me have second thoughts about having children..

This guy I'm about to see, he is twice my age.... 18x2.
Yes I know, he is hella old but anyway...

He is looking to be in a long term relationship/settle, wants children and wants his wife to be hard working - cooking/cleaning/caring for the children.
He's obviously telling me this cos he'd want me to be like that. But he'd do the same.

But he's aware I'm still young and not looking to have any till i'm in my late 20s or so.

The fuck does he want?! I don't even know If I wanna date someone like that.

WorkerBee
05-17-2010, 09:02 AM
I have 1 child and want at least 4 more. I don't know what time frame I'm going to knock out 4 more kids in. I want to finish school first so I guess I'll be 30 something when I have another child.

asianlady
05-17-2010, 10:57 AM
I wanted to have them because it seemed the natural thing to do.I decided that before I started or eveb before the thought to start dancing was in my mind and wanted them early so I would recover fast while young and healthy I had three kids and my baby pouch never went away and finally had a tummy tuck to get rid of it.Now its tight and slim.never hid it from the kids did not give them all the little details but they knew.did not want to give the impression I was ashamed of what I was doing because I was not and did not want them top feel ashamed of me.they would hide my pictures I had some posters and pictures around the house classic nude type poses.but when they had their friends over they would be embaressed I can understand that.

4everresolutions
05-17-2010, 11:16 AM
I look forward to having kids. I want to have fun with them, play with them, kick a soccer ball around with them when their older, wipe their dirty little faces after they make a mess eating in their high chairs, etc, etc. I have huge family, and have babysat a lot of my younger cousins for long periods of time. When I was a teen I didn't want kids becasue I was resentful of having to look after the youngin's in the family. Now that I'm a bit older I've found that I actually really enjoy it; even the 'yucky' parts.

Mind you, I only want them when I'm ready for them. Once I'm out of school, my husband and I are working, emotionally and financially stable, and I have a good support system in place. I doubt I'll be a young mom, as I have about 8+ years of schooling to go, but hopefully sometime in my 30's. No rush for sure.

Kellydancer
05-17-2010, 11:24 AM
Gee reading all these posts makes me have second thoughts about having children..

This guy I'm about to see, he is twice my age.... 18x2.
Yes I know, he is hella old but anyway...

He is looking to be in a long term relationship/settle, wants children and wants his wife to be hard working - cooking/cleaning/caring for the children.
He's obviously telling me this cos he'd want me to be like that. But he'd do the same.

But he's aware I'm still young and not looking to have any till i'm in my late 20s or so.

The fuck does he want?! I don't even know If I wanna date someone like that.

I dated and were friends with a few guys who wanted a stay at home wife/mom. Definitely not me. If I have kids I am not quitting my job to stay at home. I figure childcare should be 50/50.

jennsweet
05-17-2010, 12:09 PM
i'm thinking if the guy's right... and i'm ready ~probably around 30-32 i want 2 children. I think it would be awesome to have a family life and settle down. my 20's are for fuckin around and experiencing all the fun in life.

rubyredlipsss
05-17-2010, 12:45 PM
^i feel the same way. i want children, two max. most of the mothers in my family have had children a lot later in life. my mom was in her early 40s when she had me and she had no trouble caring for me and whatnot. she talks about how she got to do all the things she wanted to do before she had kids because afterwards her children became her life (well she obviously wasn't locked up in the house with us) but she traveled and whatnot. i go back and forth between the age i want to have kids, but i definitely know i want to be financially and emotionally stable before i have children. i am also open to adopting a child. my mom was a foster parent in her late 20s instead of having kids and then when she was ready she had my brother then me.

the thing that really irks me is when people say oh when you're older and you have kids you'll be so old when they get older and whatnot. my mom is still really healthy and my father was a lot younger and died from cancer at a young age. you never know what can happen.

Kellydancer
05-17-2010, 01:19 PM
^i feel the same way. i want children, two max. most of the mothers in my family have had children a lot later in life. my mom was in her early 40s when she had me and she had no trouble caring for me and whatnot. she talks about how she got to do all the things she wanted to do before she had kids because afterwards her children became her life (well she obviously wasn't locked up in the house with us) but she traveled and whatnot. i go back and forth between the age i want to have kids, but i definitely know i want to be financially and emotionally stable before i have children. i am also open to adopting a child. my mom was a foster parent in her late 20s instead of having kids and then when she was ready she had my brother then me.

the thing that really irks me is when people say oh when you're older and you have kids you'll be so old when they get older and whatnot. my mom is still really healthy and my father was a lot younger and died from cancer at a young age. you never know what can happen.

One thing that bugs me is not only the older issue, but when people say I'll have a disabled child/children because I'll be older. I've read many studies (and asked my doctor) and actually having a child 40-44 doesn't increase the risks as much as many think. In fact a healthy 40 year old has a better chance of having a healthy baby than an unhealthy 25 year old. Sure, the risks go up (along with risks of miscarriage) but not like people think. Even at 45 the chances of having a disabled baby are still only 10%. It is harder to get pregnant later, but then again no guarantee a woman is fertile at 20 either. As my doctor puts it, as long as one woman is still regularly getting periods, she can still get pregnant, just sometimes takes longer. Outside of my age, I am not high risk because I don't have other diseases like heart problems or diabetes, am at a healthy weight, eat healthy, workout, and don't smoke and rarely drink. There are many tests women can get before she gets pregnant to see her risks of getting disabled kids, and I'll do all of that before I try conceiving (women can have a higher or lower risk than the average). Besides, I'd be fine adopting a child too if I don't get a baby.

I would have been a lousy wife and mother before now. My 20's were all about having fun, dating lots of men (some I slept with, some I didn't), stripping, and going to school and starting several jobs. My early 30's were all about finishing graduate school, and moving up in my career. I am much more financially secure than I was then. Unfortunately now I am unemployed but expect to get a job eventually, and a good paying one. I had my fun and now can settle down and raise a family with the right guy. I'm hoping it's the one I like now, but that remains to be seen. I will also be able to spend more time with a baby because I am done with my workaholic days, plus am very likely to find a job with maternity leave and find a job that's not strenuous. If I end up with the guy I want, he's an union guy with insurance and a stable job as well (I talked with him about this the other day). He mentioned he doesn't want a large family, and I don't want a large family either (2 sounds perfect). If I had children in my 20's I probably would have been raising them with stripping (which I wouldn't have liked) and possibly been a single mom.

rubyredlipsss
05-17-2010, 01:26 PM
^you are right on point. i think i've read studies that those who are really young are actually at a higher risk of having a disabled child than older women. my mom wasn't trying to get pregnant at her age but she did and of course was thrilled and i was a healthy 9lb happy baby.

i used to be embarrassed to tell my friends my mom age because she was around the age of their grandmothers. as i got older i wasn't so ashamed and proud because my mom was healthy, looks young and isn't some granny looking woman nor acts like one.

one time i told a girl how old my mom was (we were like 17) her mom had her at, i believe, 20 and she said "oh, and you didn't come out with down syndrome?" i was like wtf, OBVIOUSLY NOT! and this girl was a top student in my graduating class. like, seriously??

Kellydancer
05-17-2010, 01:35 PM
I know I went to grade school with a few kids with older parents. At the time (I'm talking 70's and 80's) it was uncommon but now I doubt it's odd at all. I know so many women who had babies in their mid 30's and all are healthy. In fact the only people I know who had a Downs baby were my aunt and uncle in their late 20's (none of their other kids were disabled). People worry about Downs and it's still very rare. I look much younger than my age (incidentally so does the guy I like) so I don't expect to look like a grandma instead of a mom. Of course that means nothing because I know several classmates who had kids early and they look like grandparents already.

In my family too, older mothers are common. All of my great grandmothers had babies in their 40's and a few were early 50's! All healthy.

rubyredlipsss
05-17-2010, 01:38 PM
yeah, i think things have definitely changed but when i was in school it wasn't really common. with invitro and the way things have changed culturally are part of the reason it's more common for women who are over the age of 35 having children.

DirtyLittleSecret
05-17-2010, 01:44 PM
I never wanted kids. Gosh, i would run away from anyone holding a baby. Now i'm 25 & I have a 3yr old daughter. She was our little "opps"/kick the ass and the best thing that kinda happened to us. She'll most likely be our only child. (Now i love kids ironically.)
Basically a wonderful example of irony and the whole "shit happens" kinda thing. lol.

papillonluvr
05-17-2010, 05:49 PM
I have a kid, wanted kids, just not right now. But now I don't have a choice, and I love her to death, but sometimes I resent her interrupting plans that I had and have had to change.

Su Su
05-17-2010, 08:53 PM
^you are right on point. i think i've read studies that those who are really young are actually at a higher risk of having a disabled child than older women. my mom wasn't trying to get pregnant at her age but she did and of course was thrilled and i was a healthy 9lb happy baby.

i used to be embarrassed to tell my friends my mom age because she was around the age of their grandmothers. as i got older i wasn't so ashamed and proud because my mom was healthy, looks young and isn't some granny looking woman nor acts like one.

one time i told a girl how old my mom was (we were like 17) her mom had her at, i believe, 20 and she said "oh, and you didn't come out with down syndrome?" i was like wtf, OBVIOUSLY NOT! and this girl was a top student in my graduating class. like, seriously??

Hehe yeah I used to be ashamed to tell people how old my ma was.
She is 60, she looks about in her 50s.

Whenever I tell people, they're like omg wtf?? You serious? She doesn't even look her age... Bla bla bla.

Laurisa
06-10-2010, 02:22 PM
I have a kid, wanted kids, just not right now. But now I don't have a choice, and I love her to death, but sometimes I resent her interrupting plans that I had and have had to change.
I completely understand what you mean by that. Seriously.

black_widow
06-10-2010, 11:02 PM
I never ever want kids. I always seem to date men that do, so I have moments where I'm like "ahh maybe..." but those moments always fade VERY quickly when I'm actually around a kid....they just annoy me so much, they are weird and gross and just seem to zap the life out of women! Not my cup of tea. Not to mention I have a horrible temper and I get irritated very quickly--there's no way I'd have the patience for a child, and when I'm sleep deprived, I am a murderous maniac!

Plus--I have serious back pain issues, and am on medication I couldn't take when pregnant. I can imagine living my life now with the pain I would have without the medicine--let alone with an extra 20lbs of baby! No sir. And, like everyone has said--I'm wayyy to vain about my body for kids, and just the idea of being helpless with this huge belly just grosses me out and makes me angry! I don't like being dependent on ANYONE and to have to ask people to help me get around cuz I was full of baby?! Yeah I'm wayy to proud and indpendent for that. I'd be humliated and disgusted at myself for 9months just so I could pop out a child that would ruin my life and my body, who I'd want to murder 99% of the time?? NO SIR. NOT FOR ME.

I've never had to raise kids or be around them, so maybe I don't know. But I do somehow seem to always get stuck next to them on airplanes and there is nothing more in life that inspires such deep seated irritation in me than that senario.

luckischalk
07-10-2010, 09:04 PM
I want kids someday too, we're trying right now...

jennsweet
07-11-2010, 08:10 PM
none for me atm... i think i wanna not be dancing when the day comes for me to be a mommy