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Intravenus
02-23-2009, 02:12 PM
Basically, I work in a call centre, and Some guy is getting on my nerves seriously...

He pervs on me and the other 2 girls on the team and it's really making us uncmfortable. We're reluctant to go to the team leader cos we dont wanna start trouble, but we've spoken to the guys on the team and theyve agreed to intervene if they see one of us alone with him...

Thing is, the other two girls are strict Muslims, so are really offended by some of the stuff he says, but I think he actually says worse stuff to me cos I'm NOT a Muslim so he thinks he can get away with it...

Today on the train he got really intense, and I was embaressed so I didnt push him away ( he was talking about giving me a massage, then kept putting his hand over mine on the train pole, then kinda stroked my face to say goodbye) cos I didnt wanna start a cene on the crowded train, but I just feel that cos I didnt make a scene then it would seem hypocritical if I complained about it.

I am considering talking to the other two girls in the team about maybe speaking to our team leader cos it's making me uncomfortable, and it must be horrid for them cos they are very modest and religious..

What do you guys reckon? Do you think I brought it on by not going crazy straight off and telling him to fuck off?__________________

verfolgung
02-23-2009, 02:38 PM
It is NOT too late. It is NOT your fault. You did NOT bring it on.

The next time you're with someone and he does something that make u uncomfortable than I'd suggest u confront him. Have someone to back up your story, and tell him that you don't feel like he is acting professionally. Let him know that if it doesn't stop you will have to go to the team leader. That's just my recommendation.

Don't confront him alone or u risk the chance of a he said vs. she said.

Hopefully he'll get the clue and straiten out. Otherwise you gave him a chance where people saw you warn him, so go to your superiors.

Also, you do not have to respond with a "fuck off". Just because he wishes to act unprofessionally, doesn't mean you have to.

Best of luck.

fluffypenguin
02-23-2009, 03:25 PM
I't's definitey better to nip undesirable behavior in the the bud, before the slime ball thinks you have given him the ok to take it to the next level. But it's never too late to tell someone you don't like their behaviour.
Even though he is a super sleaze, he can't read your mind. You do need to open your mouth and simply say "don't do that" or Stop it". when he starts being slimey. It will most likely be enough. Stupid moron probably thinks he is just flirting (shudder). Maybe not, but you do have to tell him his behaviour is unpleasant.
If he continues then, yes, you may have a problem. If he continues after you have told him "stop" when he is making you uncomfortable then, you make sure you have a witness when you tell him to stop his behaviour again.
I want to emphasise that my comments by no means suggest you are at fault or his slimey behaviour is acceptable in any circumstance but the sooner you speak up the situation can be stopped quickly and with little drama, or involvement with higher management.
The longer you let it go the more difficult it will become. I've been there. Stop doing the girly " I don't want to offend thing". You don't have to be rude, don't be apologetic, but you do need to make him aware!
I might add I've been there and suffered a lot (a nervous breakdown, court etc) . If only I had spoken up, unfotunately by not saying anything I had implied the behaviour was OK according to the authorities!
Don't let it get to that.

Phil-W
02-23-2009, 03:50 PM
What you're describing is sexual harassment.

If your company has an employee's handbook, there will almost be a section in there in how to deal with it. If there's not an actual handbook, then look on your company's website.

An alternative is to have a quiet word with someone in HR (without naming names if you're more comfortable with the low key approach) and ask them for advice on how to deal with the situation. You can always make a formal complaint later.

Usually, there is a suggested sequence of actions to follow. These may start with telling the guy (preferably in front of witnesses) that his comments/attentions are unwelcome. If necessary a formal complain can be made to your manager or HR if that does not stop him.

Your company has a legal duty to prevent sexual harassment. Most companies - if only for the fear of lawsuits - will do something about formal complaints.

All the time you do nothing, this guy will continue to do what he's doing. If you make a complaint (and it is corroborated by your fellow workers) the least this guy will get is a verbal warning. If he continues, he could be dismissed for serious misconduct.

Phil.

PS: If it's any help for you I work for a large software corporation. It is mandatory to complete a sexual harassment course every two years and I have to signify electronically that I have understood it. My company has clear procedures for harassment, and I'm in no doubt that were I stupid enough to transgress their guidelines, they would take action.

Intravenus
02-26-2009, 01:33 PM
Well, we watched the Harrasment Compliance video literally the day after I posted this! As the were talking about sexual harrassment, all the girls kinda met eyes. Afterwards, one of the girl's Brother (who is also on our team) basically told our team leader that this guy has been making himself a pain in the ass for the girls on the team, and that they should keep an eye on him.

Since then, I dont know if anything's been said, but whenever the guy comes over to one of us girls, one of the boys will come and butt in, which is really nice.

Thing is, if the guy was just making silly, pervy guy jokes, I wouldnt care. Im not some prissy, fussy girl. It's just that this guy is genuinely creepy. He does not sound jokey or like he's being silly when he says this stuff. Plus he's a well built guy, and he speaks very quietly with a strong African accent, so it's hard to make out what he's saying from a distance. A few of the boys on the team have said that they think he may not be the safest guy to get involved with so.... I dunno, hopefully it'll be ok.

Phil-W
02-27-2009, 04:24 PM
...he speaks very quietly with a strong African accent, so it's hard to make out what he's saying from a distance. A few of the boys on the team have said that they think he may not be the safest guy to get involved with so.... I dunno, hopefully it'll be ok.

Intravenus, is this guy African and a recent arrival in the US? If so, part of the problem may be cultural. He may have come from a society where he considers women are lower in the the pecking order. I'm not condoning his behavior, just pointing out where the roots of it may be.

As to the 'safety' aspect - if he continues to be a problem, collectively complain to HR, so that no one individual is responsible for triggering the complaint. If necessary you can put a written complaint in as a 'round robin' - that's where you all sign in random places so that it's not obvious the order the complaint was signed in.

And if you're concerned for your safety, let HR in your company know that too. They have a duty towards your welfare, andwhen they speak to him will also have to address the question of potentially intimidating behavior. It's effectively bullying in the workplace, and again your company is under a legal obligation to prevent it.

Phil.