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View Full Version : To tell or not to tell?



patchouli
03-08-2009, 11:24 PM
Hi all, first thank you for sharing what you do and keeping such an active community here at SW.. I've been lurking for a bit and have learned SO much from your experiences! :)

After going through years of undergrad study (and many majors) and realizing the "traditional" path my family has envisioned for me isn't really where my heart is, I am ready to take my life into my own hands and start living for ME.. MY passions and my dreams! I love dancing and flirting, I'm attractive and sexual, and know that I have the work ethic, wit and charm to be a truly successful dancer. So I'm taking this spring and summer to get into amazing shape (need to lose a few % body fat) and learn some pole techniques so I'm more marketable when I approach clubs. I have specific goals and reasons for becoming a dancer and I'm excited to start this journey!

Here's my question: do I tell my family what my plans are? I have no idea how they will react. My sister will probably have my back but the rest of my family view exotic dancing and stripping as immoral... I just don't know how they will think of me and if they will accept me. Should this matter to me? What have been your experiences with this? This is the first time in my adult life that I'm choosing a path for myself and pursuing my own happiness, but I'm afraid they won't see that. I figure I should be honest with them instead of pretending I work somewhere else and am living a life they want me to live.

Winged Dinghy
03-08-2009, 11:44 PM
I'm not going to tell you that you should or shouldn't tell your family . You have to weigh pros and cons and decide for yourself.

My family doesn't know that I strip. I'm not going to tell them--it would only cause them distress. I don't lie to them, though. I have other part-time jobs and when they ask what I do, I answer, honestly, that I do promotions and marketing. I just don't tell them where the bulk of my income comes from.

I would say, though, that even if you decide that you want to be 100% honest with your family about your career, WAIT UNTIL DANCING IS YOUR CAREER BEFORE YOU DROP THE BOMB. Meaning, don't tell them, "Hey, Mom. I'm thinking about stripping." Because you don't know what's going to happen. You may change your mind. You may try it, hate it, and quit. Don't risk alienating your family until you KNOW that stripping is right for you. And you won't know that until you actually start.

Good luck, and congratulations on your decision to live a life that is true to who you are.

Brooke
03-09-2009, 08:52 AM
My family doesn't know that I stripped for almost a decade, but that was MY decision. Only you can really know if its right for you to tell your family. Based upon your post, it sounds like this is a major step in your life and it will feel like the right decision to you if you can share that with the people who care about you. Even if they won't like it, no one would be able to say that you would have told them if you believed it was right. You DO believe it is moral, I agree, and you are making a major decision on your own. It would be great for your piece of mind if you could share that with them.

But here's my question to you: you seem rather set in your mind about this, but you haven't told the people you love about your decision. Sometimes, the people we love see things from a different perspective. If you tell your family and they actually present a good case for NOT dancing... will you care? If you decide to tell them, you need to know before you start if it is up for negotiation. My opinion is that its your family, who cares about you more than anyone in the world, and that if they have reasonable objections you should be open to listening to them. But if you are going to make up your mind and tell them your decision and not be open to their objetions and reasoning, know and be clear about that up front.

fluffypenguin
03-11-2009, 03:06 PM
Have you danced at all? You should probably give it a go first before making a big announcement that it's what you are wanting to do with your life, you may just find that like your studies it's not what you expected and you don't really want to be a dancer after trying it out.
Deciding to tell or not to tell is really something you need to decide for yourself but until you are actually doing it, there really isn't anything to tell anyway.

angelicat
03-12-2009, 09:28 PM
I've been dancing for three years and my sister (former dancer) is the only one if my family that knows...

The reason being that when she started dancing (almost 5 years ago) she told our parents and brother. They made it known that they didn't agree with it and would do everything they could to make sure she stopped. So, she told them she did. I still hear about how awful it must have been and how they cant believe she would do such a thing from my parents.

No thank you! Some things are better left unsaid.

dlabtot
03-12-2009, 10:36 PM
Perhaps it's not honest, but throughout my adult life, when interacting with my family, I've stuck to a simple approach - only good news. When I got a new, great paying job, I would call them up and tell them. When I got fired, I kept it to myself. And only good news that they would understand as good news. Anything that could start an argument, I skip. Life is too short.

sorsi
03-13-2009, 02:39 AM
Perhaps it's not honest, but throughout my adult life, when interacting with my family, I've stuck to a simple approach - only good news. When I got a new, great paying job, I would call them up and tell them. When I got fired, I kept it to myself. And only good news that they would understand as good news. Anything that could start an argument, I skip. Life is too short.

Best advice ever. :)

patchouli
03-13-2009, 11:18 AM
Thank you all for your advice and support. I decided to wait until I jump in and establish my career before I consider telling my family. This seems best.

sasy.sam
03-15-2009, 01:30 AM
my mum just recently found out, shes not happy about it but is supporting me in my choice, and helping me manage my money, she didn't come from a rich family so figures if i can save, i can get a good head start, wants me to buy a house, little way to go yet
girl friend of mine told her mum, they have almost a sister like relationship, they go costume shopping together
ps don't put multiple swim suits in the wash basket when you are suppose to be a waitress and sleeping alot during the day

Ruby Ruckus
03-18-2009, 11:50 PM
my family knows. they found out a few months in, and i was so embarrassed by the way they approached me about it that i immediately quit. six months later, missing it terribly and needing money pretty badly, i started again. for a few months, i didn't tell them, but eventually told them again.

they're not happy about it, but they've gotten over it. and i'm still the same daughter i ever was, and taking care of myself and happy, so they can deal with it. we just don't talk about it ever. and i'm okay with that.