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View Full Version : What would you do? Got A situation



Kay21
03-10-2009, 04:52 AM
Hi,

I have a situtation. I've been dancing for almost 2 months now. But i still live at home and didn't want my parents to know about it so i lied. I had no intention on telling them, but they found out anyway. Needless to say they went ape shit about it and are very hurt; my sister even decided put her two cents in. They all said that they never thought I would resort to stripping. I been given an ultimatium to either stop dancing and stay with them building back their trust Or be kicked out of the house and lose my car if i decide to keep dancing. I couldn't give them an answer right away. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I was planning on moving out months before i started dancing you know. I'm not gonna lie, I really like dancing; maybe its the fast money. I already feel that post dance depression kicking in just thinking about going back to what i used to do before.

Gemini_Syn
03-10-2009, 10:04 AM
It sounds like you have a few choices.

Either do it their way, save enough money working a non dancing job, move out and go back to dancing.

OR

Find somewhere else to stay while you dance.

OR

Do what they tell you.

Personally, I would do what I want to do since I am a legal adult.

I wish you luck.

short skirts
03-10-2009, 10:43 AM
Is your family going to shun you for dancing? Will you be an outcast in your entire family?

Dancing was not easy for my parents to accept and it made it very awkward for me at family events.

Weigh out the odds before you make a decision.

If your family life will not permanently suffer than go for it, dance and move out.

If you don't want to lose and rebuild relationships then maybe you should save money in a regular job and dance after you're on your own and can hide it better.

Winged Dinghy
03-10-2009, 10:51 AM
I think this sounds like a good kick in the pants for you to move out of your parents' house.

Obviously, I don't know the circumstances that have brought you to where you are. But you are 25, you are making stripper money, and you still live with your parents? And it sounds like you drive their car?

As long as you are financially supported by them, they can make the rules. It sucks, but that's how it is.

Get OUT of your parents' house ASAP. Stay with a friend for a few nights. Work doubles until you have enough to get an apartment. Then, savor the sweet feeling of independence.

Once your parents see how well you are supporting yourself, and that you haven't morphed into an evil stripper slut daughter, they will hopefully start to trust you again. Use this as an opportunity to show them how responsible and adult-like you are. Demonstrate that a job is never the totality of a person's worth.

Good luck.

Blue_Dust_Bunny
03-10-2009, 10:51 AM
My parents don't know I'm dancing, but if they found out I would probably have to deal with the same shit.

Personally, I love dancing and I am very proud of my decision to be a dancer. I didn't resort to stripping, I wanted to do it. I definitely agree with Gemini, that you should do what you want because you are an independent adult.

I would try to sit down with your family and have a more calm discussion - if they start to raise their voices or get emotionally charged up, REMIND them that you are approaching them as an adult and want to have a reasonable conversation. Stay as calm as possible, it will force them to take you seriously and to respect you.
Tell them that you are an individual, strong adult that has the ability to make her own decisions and that just because they are family does not mean they are the ones in control of YOUR life. Tell them how you feel about it. In fact maybe you should try to even tell them about the job - it couldn't help to tell them its a safe work environment and that you are able to handle it. Tell them why its important to you. Even tell them about how it allows you to be financially secure in a way no other lower entry job could, and that maybe they should try and be proud of that. After all, you're taking care of yourself and trying to be independent and move out!

Either way, you need to decide what it is that you want. I personally don't think its right for parents to use material power over their own children to get them to do what they want, but that's me. After talking to them, stick to your decision.

Good luck - Keep us updated on what happens!

Nina77
03-11-2009, 03:35 PM
I vote move out.

Kaiyla
03-11-2009, 06:51 PM
Is your family going to shun you for dancing? Will you be an outcast in your entire family?

Dancing was not easy for my parents to accept and it made it very awkward for me at family events.

Weigh out the odds before you make a decision.

If your family life will not permanently suffer than go for it, dance and move out.

Good advice. I can totally relate dancing causing problems within family. My parents were DEVASTATED. Everyone found out and there was a HUGE blowout with my entire family (aunts/uncles/cousin/grandparents included) and talk about AWKWARD family events. Shit, I'd start drinking before I got to family get-togethers. I tried to hold my head high throughout those 6 years, but no one thought very highly of me, and it affected family relationships til this day. Does that mean that dancing was a wrong choice for me? I can't say that, but I can say that it will always be the thing that broke my Mom's heart. Tough to live with, trust me. Make sure it's worth it to you. ;)

Kay21
03-12-2009, 05:25 AM
Hey everybody,

Thanks for the advice and support. I've found out that the car is in my name (registration comes addressed to me).

In an attempt to salvage my relationship with my parents, I told them that I would quit.

I told them that I've been planning to move out for months even before I started dancing. They said they were fine with that so long as I was doing something positive with my life.

So past couple of days have been very depressing. I went back to my old job, which...its ok but not what I want to do.

I'm moving out as soon as I can. I can't live with them anymore (and this is how I've been feeling for months, even years)

I'm starting to wonder if our relationship can be salvaged. Maybe I'll try talking to them again but this time about my feelings about whats been going on in the house.

They say that they want the old me back. I don't even know who the old me was. When I was dancing, I was so happy. I looked forward to the next day and could actually say I loved my job for once. I've really been depressed these past few days.

So I'm moving out, bottom line. Regardless of the current situation, its time. I'll keep you posted.

sorsi
03-13-2009, 02:33 AM
Call me a sociopath or whatever, but...I'd keep lying. :shrug:

Threatening to put you out in the street and take your car is completely unacceptable, and shows how little they care about your well-being. If something as mundane as a job can cause them to disown you, then there was nothing much there in the first place...and certainly not unconditional love.

So yeah. After those kinds of ultimatums, I would have no problem telling them what they want to hear (that you quit dancing) and in reality doing whatever I want.

veronicachick
03-15-2009, 05:55 AM
Hey everybody,

Thanks for the advice and support. I've found out that the car is in my name (registration comes addressed to me).

In an attempt to salvage my relationship with my parents, I told them that I would quit.

I told them that I've been planning to move out for months even before I started dancing. They said they were fine with that so long as I was doing something positive with my life.

So past couple of days have been very depressing. I went back to my old job, which...its ok but not what I want to do.

I'm moving out as soon as I can. I can't live with them anymore (and this is how I've been feeling for months, even years)

I'm starting to wonder if our relationship can be salvaged. Maybe I'll try talking to them again but this time about my feelings about whats been going on in the house.

They say that they want the old me back. I don't even know who the old me was. When I was dancing, I was so happy. I looked forward to the next day and could actually say I loved my job for once. I've really been depressed these past few days.

So I'm moving out, bottom line. Regardless of the current situation, its time. I'll keep you posted.

you just now found out that the car is in your name? :/

is there anyway maybe you could dance only 1-2 nights a week(so it isn't suspicious) so you can save up money faster to move out? I know lying to your parents can be hard... but it's terrible that you have to work a job that makes you miserable. I've been hiding the fact that I'm a dancer from my parents too... it's easier for me tho because I live on my own... but every time I talk to them and they ask about work(referring to my old job that they think I'm still at), I feel so guilty.

Kylea2
03-15-2009, 01:27 PM
This is such a typical story.

Someone needs to put a book out called "Your Daughter Dancing Is NOT the End Of the World". It could contain stories from those of us who have been in the industry for longer and actually do really well with it. There are such horrible stereotypes about dancers that I'm sure you can understand why they wouldn't want you dancing.

Anyhow, best of luck with everything and I certainly think you should talk about your feelings with them.

DaniMBSC
03-16-2009, 05:23 PM
You're 25 and still living at home with your parents supporting you and your dancing? Um...move? Living on your own isn't that hard...been doing it since I was 18.

Ruby Ruckus
03-18-2009, 11:42 PM
This is such a typical story.

Someone needs to put a book out called "Your Daughter Dancing Is NOT the End Of the World". It could contain stories from those of us who have been in the industry for longer and actually do really well with it. There are such horrible stereotypes about dancers that I'm sure you can understand why they wouldn't want you dancing.

Anyhow, best of luck with everything and I certainly think you should talk about your feelings with them.

write it. if it gets published, it'll be good for you and for all of the rest of us.