View Full Version : Romance on the Job
jack0177057
01-05-2010, 12:49 PM
Then…it ends…when…this bitch of a life decides to fuck-it up for you. And you swear…on your life…never again!
Then end.
Wow, Deini... Please don't lose hope...
Dancing_Angel
01-05-2010, 10:37 PM
Then…it ends…when…this bitch of a life decides to fuck-it up for you. And you swear…on your life…never again!
Then end.
Yup, only I was dumb enough to fall for someone I work with, not a customer and it's even worse. It's never ending. It's miserable. He's a sociopath, he's a scumbag, he's the worst kind of person to have ever gotten involved with and he seemed like my knight in shining armour and I was stupid enough to fall for it all. To believe every word. To take him at face value.
Please, for the love of god, keep your personal life (sex/love life) seperate from work. No one needs to go through the hell Im currently experiencing. No one deserves this, and mixing with ppl at the club will only bring misery.
KS_Stevia
01-06-2010, 10:25 AM
I got involved with one customer. I wanted him the moment I saw him, similar to Medio's story. Alas, we lived in different towns, and he had a bad drinking problem, plus was kind of flaky. I cut him off. He wasn't a bad guy though.
Also, one involvement with a floor manager/bouncer. He was totally in love with me and I was just hanging out with him because I was kind of bored. Ended with him physically pulling me out of my friend's car...he thought my friend was a custy and I was leaving with custy. Ick, he called and texted and IM'd me for so long afterwards, its finally stopped, few years later.
So, from my experiences, dating someone you meet at the club as a custy is far more reasonable compared to dating a co-worker.
Kellydancer
01-06-2010, 11:11 PM
I generally don't date anyone I work with (this is true in corporate jobs too), but there have been exceptions. I did date a bouncer I worked with and a DJ who worked at a club I formerly worked at (at the time I was working at a different club). The bouncer and I broke up amicably, but the DJ was a jerk and I vowed never to date anyone in the adult industry again. The problem with dating the bouncer was he got very jealous and that affected my money because everyone knew I was his girlfriend.
As for customers, this happened one time only, and ironically, it's something I am hoping pans out now. We became friends in the club, and when I left the club (a no contact, bikini bar) we kept in touch. He even met my parents and they invited him to a family birthday party. They liked him but thought he was somewhat nerdy (and he is). Then we lost touch for several years, and recently reconnected. So far we haven't seen each other yet (due to the awful winter here) but have plans to. We talk often on the phone and I look forward to chatting with him. In truth, I should have hooked up with him years ago, but was happy at the time having him for a friend. Incidentally, we knew each other a few months in the club before we started hanging out.
What makes him unique is the kind of guy he has always been. He never tried anything sexually with me ever (though he now admits he really wanted to kiss me). He also doesn't drink (which is a big plus for me since I rarely drink myself). As strange as this sounds, he respected me. In the club I was the only one he was interested in, and he never tried anything with anyone else (the other dancers made fun of him). I am really hoping we get very serious and possibly get married eventually. Even if that doesn't happen, then I hope we stay friends because he was a good friend that due to life changes lost contact with.
Deini
01-07-2010, 02:59 AM
It might be just me. But I can’t be sure. But as far as I’ve noticed a lot of girls i know work a lot, and love seems like a hell of a task. It seems like it’s incredibly hard for a dancer to meet people, let alone men from outside the dancing world.
Many of the girls I know are either married to men they met in a club, is in a long term relationship. Or are in love with assholes they took home. These guys think them as something to show-off with and she never admits to herself. And the one who are with men who they never met outside the club it’s men they knew from before dancing. And most often are men who have no jobs and treat them like a walking wallet.
mostly a lot of dancers who I know are single, And always seem helpless at finding anyone. They don’t even know how to start, without falling into any of the traps. So they hope against hope that some greatly decent man walks in and its all happiness. That is, as we all know, highly unlikely.
Some do get lucky but…what you gonna do.
Still. With it all said…I don’t think it’s highly wrong to date a man who you met in a club. It can make the subject of being a dancer easier-somewhat. And with all said and done-I will never think anything of a girl who does that. NOT AT ALL. Not even if it’s a bouncer or DJ. I really don’t…our way of life style makes it hard on us to even eat correctly. so, you know. I get it.
With time…the rotine does happen though, you develop a way of living…and more often than not it ends-up isolating a lot of people in your life. Anyways. I’m still struggling to find that middle medium…you know.
And NO, I’m not giving up in love. I’m a romantic. Obviously I’m not going to be treating every man that I have the slightest interest in as the next love of my life…but…you know. ..In short…I’m never going to say never. But Ill try to avoid it…until I can get out…I want to give him as much as he gives me. This job…sort of stops you from doing that. it’s unfair.
Dancing_Angel
01-07-2010, 04:11 AM
^ It's just so much harder to deal with the relationship falling apart, sometimes publicly, when the 2 of you work together. My personal business is all over the place right now and there isn't a thing I can do about it.
But you're stronger than I am. I am giving up. I've had enough. I don't want to deal with anymore. It makes me want to cry when I think about all the bull shit I've been put through trying to find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I'm sick of it. I'm gonna have my baby and then it'll just be the 2 of us. I don't need anything else. Especially something that causes me nothng but pain.
jack0177057
01-07-2010, 11:46 AM
^^^ Wow... Maybe instead of giving up, just take some time off and spend time with people that make you laugh and feel good about yourself.
Dancing_Angel
01-07-2010, 04:21 PM
^ LoL. What makes you think being done won't make me happy? ;)
Deini
01-10-2010, 03:17 AM
I get that. finding that you don't need a man to make you happy. It’s completely understandable and somewhat liberating. If you are happier without a man in your life-I’m happy for you.
I wish sometimes some girls would realise that. Some girls are better off alone, because they simply let men drag them down. These girls, when without said man, they seem to glow, seem happier with themselves.
I hope this is the right choice for you. But i also hope you don’t hate men because of a serious of dim wit assholes. No need to look for one, no need to wait for one, no need to hope for one. Just remember that when someone want to try for you...think about giving them a chance. You know...a hard one...but one nonetheless. Don’t completely block them out.
I’m in a place right now that I want to figure myself out. And if that means to fall in and out of love-so be it. Also...i do like my own company; I don’t need a guy to love me-to feel complete. I figured out-much like you-that there is no real need. And sometimes guys can be a ‘a pain the ass’ that you simply do not need, nor want to deal with.
All in all. Try to love yourself first. If you can’t do that. I hardly think you can manage to love anyone else. This is what I’ll do here on after. Love me. besides...when life is a bitch to you...it helps to look at yourself and say...at least i got me.
PS: In short---what i’m trying to say is...I lived a life that gives me more than good reason to hate men forever. Not believe in love and simply give-up on everything-including myself. It took a lot out of me...but...i thought better of it. I thought I deserved more...and i am on a relentless pursuit of that.
It comes from experience...and my sister is in the same place as you right now too...you are right to concentrate on you and your baby. In the end...no matter what...that love cannot be changed-ever.
Hopper
01-10-2010, 08:45 PM
To the OP -
In my experience strippers are not the hottest girls out there and from what they are saying here it seems they are the hardest to pick up. Why bother?
I've met some gorgeous strippers, but I've met just as and more gorgeous girls IRL.
charlie61
01-10-2010, 08:54 PM
^ I'd definitely agree with that.
I think guys who like strippers, therefore, like other aspects of these women. Like how they're hard to get, or dumb (sometimes), or partiers (sometimes), or exhibitionists (sometimes). That's why I'm immediately suspect of anyone who 'wants to date a stripper.'
Hopper
01-11-2010, 05:49 AM
^Yes, strippers have that kind of popular image. Either that they are looser and easier or that they are unattainable sex-goddesses. In reality they are the same as other girls as far as I can tell.
In fairness to Jack, he didn't say in his OP that he wants to date strippers, he just asked whether strippers would date customers. Later he said he is looking for a particular type of woman, which not all strippers conform to, who he believes he would find only in SCs; but that is not exactly the same thing as "wanting to date strippers". Although I still think it is delusional and shallow.
I would like to date a stripper I paid for an LD, since of course I only pay strippers I like. Though the fact that I want an LD with her does not necessarily mean I would consider us compatible partners IRL. LDs are a lot less complicated than dating or relationships, so personality clashes don't matter.
But I don't have a particular fixation on strippers and I don't go to SCs to try to get dates. I go to SCs because of what they are. I don't think there is anything special about dating a stripper. They are just regular girls in their free time. If I can date a stripper, I will, but that is merely the same as with hot girls I meet anywhere. I have never actually asked a stripper out or had one ask me out though.
Hopper
01-11-2010, 06:03 AM
It is terribly unflattering when men want to date a stripper. Why?? Because you don't really give a shit about us as individuals. Any hot stripper would do....we are completely interchangable to men like this. It's quiet irritating!
And OP: I've danced for over a decade and NEVER dated a customer. I would never under any circumstances date a guy I met in the club. Simply because I want to be seen and defined by something more than my job.
I would not try to get a date from a stripper just because she is a stripper. I would want to date her because I like her, as with any other girl. Yes, any hot stripper would do, but so would any hot non-stripper, assuming there is some personal compatibility. If I think a girl is hot, it means I like her.
I don't define strippers by what they do. I do think of strippers as individuals. Defining anyone by their job is silly. I don't buy into the stripper stereotypes - experience from day one has told me that they are not true.
However, a stripper's job might make her more interesting to me, in the way that any job which is interesting makes a person more interesting or attractive. Stripping is a glamorous type of job - the costumes, the dancing, the image. It's not much different to being attracted to a girl dancing at a night club in a sexy outfit. Likig that doesn't make me superficial.
teleron
01-11-2010, 07:17 AM
A good piece of advice is never try to meet someone where they work, it doesn't matter if they are a dancer, waitress or even a receptionist. (been said I know but its still good)
with that being said it takes a certain kind of individual to date a dancer and the people who think they want to date dancers usually aren't of this kind. About half the conversations I have or overhear about dancer's boyfriends or girlfriends are along the lines of he/she wants me to quit dancing
jack0177057
01-11-2010, 12:28 PM
To the OP -
In my experience strippers are not the hottest girls out there and from what they are saying here it seems they are the hardest to pick up. Why bother?
This was my first thread on SW - a very long time ago... I'm actually dating someone now and have no interest in going to SCs for the purpose of meeting someone special...
Strippers are very hot, at least they are here in the Houston upscale clubs...
Why my original fascination with dancer? A few reasons---
(1) The few times when I've been really depressed, I've found dancers who listened to me and, at least appeared to care a little. They have served as my best anti-depressents. -- I've also had crushes on a couple of dancers who gave me the girl-friend experience - not extras, just in the way they danced for me. (I'm not saying that all dancers have awesome personalities, some are very phony and jaded. But many are genuinely nice people.),
(2) I like that dancers enjoy a certain moral and intellectual freedom and independence - That they are not controlled by traditional moral codes -- That they are free and creative spirits.
(3) I've read books written by dancers and fantasized meeting a sex-positive feminist intellectual in a SC. Someone that could stimulate my brain with her wit and my other parts with her dance.
(4) I need a lot of eroticism in my life. My SO must understand this part of me and satisfy it. I need a GF who is highly sensual and erotic. I discovered in the SCs that,... to me... the masterfully-executed lap dance (when the dancer acts like your GF and stares deeply into your eyes, smells wonderful, lets her hair fall on your body and sensually brushes her body up against yours) -- this is absolutely the most erotic and sublime experience in the planet. -- However, the most ironic thing I discovered in this site is that dancers do not give their BFs lap dances -- that would be a problem for me.
I have dated a couple of girls (including my current GF) who learned to give me lap dances like the pros (plus all the extras I don't get at the SC) - so this has weened me from my stripper-GF fantasy, though, I still find myself on this site.
^ I'd definitely agree with that.
I think guys who like strippers, therefore, like other aspects of these women. Like how they're hard to get, or dumb (sometimes), or partiers (sometimes), or exhibitionists (sometimes). That's why I'm immediately suspect of anyone who 'wants to date a stripper.'
That might be generally true, but not necessarily... Think about the attraction that a woman feels towards a "bad boy" - like a dude that rides a bad-as Harley or a musician in a rock band, etc... Women like the "bad boy's" sense of rebelliousness, non-conformity, adventure, creativeness, passion, assertiveness, etc.
I think a dancer is like the female equivalent.... I've dated many "nice girls", but have this fantasy about dating a "bad girl" (e.g., dancer) that is very smart and deeply philosophical, but also a rebel... Maybe she'll liberate me from the shackles of my conformist life...
^Yes, strippers have that kind of popular image. Either that they are looser and easier or that they are unattainable sex-goddesses. In reality they are the same as other girls as far as I can tell.
Yeah, the only difference I can detect from reading this forum is that many dancers have a very strong sense of independence. Instead of relying on mom and dad to pay for college tuition, etc., like most women, dancers have an overwhelming desire to be self-sufficient and completely independent.
Hopper
01-12-2010, 06:22 AM
(1) The few times when I've been really depressed, I've found dancers who listened to me and, at least appeared to care a little. They have served as my best anti-depressents. -- I've also had crushes on a couple of dancers who gave me the girl-friend experience - not extras, just in the way they danced for me. (I'm not saying that all dancers have awesome personalities, some are very phony and jaded. But many are genuinely nice people.),
I guess they would at least listen, maybe even care. Seems weird telling your troubles to a stripper during an LD though.
(2) I like that dancers enjoy a certain moral and intellectual freedom and independence - That they are not controlled by traditional moral codes -- That they are free and creative spirits.
I don't think women enjoy going against the codes strippers break in SCs. Their job is to conform to male "codes". It's a job, not a road trip.
There is nothing intellectual about stripping. For the dancers it's a financial decision and for the customers it's about naked girls. I don't hear any strippers here laughing about how liberated they feel.
(3) I've read books written by dancers and fantasized meeting a sex-positive feminist intellectual in a SC. Someone that could stimulate my brain with her wit and my other parts with her dance.
Those kind of books are just a pseudo-intellectual fad. They don't stimulate my brain, just my stomach.
(4) I need a lot of eroticism in my life. My SO must understand this part of me and satisfy it. I need a GF who is highly sensual and erotic. I discovered in the SCs that,... to me... the masterfully-executed lap dance (when the dancer acts like your GF and stares deeply into your eyes, smells wonderful, lets her hair fall on your body and sensually brushes her body up against yours) -- this is absolutely the most erotic and sublime experience in the planet. -- However, the most ironic thing I discovered in this site is that dancers do not give their BFs lap dances -- that would be a problem for me.
I go to SCs to get away from the GF type of situation, not to simulate it. But that is how some strippers perform their LDs and I don't complain.
I have dated a couple of girls (including my current GF) who learned to give me lap dances like the pros (plus all the extras I don't get at the SC) - so this has weened me from my stripper-GF fantasy, though, I still find myself on this site.
Isn't that still a stripper fantasy?
That might be generally true, but not necessarily... Think about the attraction that a woman feels towards a "bad boy" - like a dude that rides a bad-as Harley or a musician in a rock band, etc... Women like the "bad boy's" sense of rebelliousness, non-conformity, adventure, creativeness, passion, assertiveness, etc.
I think a dancer is like the female equivalent.... I've dated many "nice girls", but have this fantasy about dating a "bad girl" (e.g., dancer) that is very smart and deeply philosophical, but also a rebel... Maybe she'll liberate me from the shackles of my conformist life...
Strippers have all kinds of personas. The are "bad girls" just for being strippers, but many of them are "nice girls" IRL.
Liberate yourself from your conformism and maybe you'd wake up from this popular and facile fantasy. I don't see anything deep about it.
Yeah, the only difference I can detect from reading this forum is that many dancers have a very strong sense of independence. Instead of relying on mom and dad to pay for college tuition, etc., like most women, dancers have an overwhelming desire to be self-sufficient and completely independent.
Women work to pay for their college fees by themselves in other jobs than stripping - jobs which pay less for the same hours or work.
jack0177057
01-12-2010, 05:01 PM
I guess they would at least listen, maybe even care. Seems weird telling your troubles to a stripper during an LD though.
Not during the LD... before. The dancers here spend a lot of time chatting with the customer before the dances.
I don't think women enjoy going against the codes strippers break in SCs. Their job is to conform to male "codes". It's a job, not a road trip.
They're not attached to a 9 to 5 job... They have a lot of flexibility and some of them travel a lot, for both business and pleasure.
There is nothing intellectual about stripping. For the dancers it's a financial decision and for the customers it's about naked girls. I don't hear any strippers here laughing about how liberated they feel.
There can be... There is a whole sex-positive feminist philosophy developed by sex workers/artists/intellectuals. More and more "middle class" girls and college students are getting into it. The media, esp. music industry, is fascinated by dancers. Even the health & fitness industry has been obsessing over stripping/pole dancing.
I go to SCs to get away from the GF type of situation, not to simulate it. But that is how some strippers perform their LDs and I don't complain.
The "girl friend experience" consists of all the eroticism, sensuality and pampering of a GF, but without the work, drama, BS and petty squabbles that accompany the real thing. 100% erotic and sensual / 0% drama and frustration.
Isn't that still a stripper fantasy?
I like lap dances and erotic dance... Does that mean I have a stripper fetish and want my GF to act like a stripper? I don't know... Any girl can perform a lap dance, she doesn't have to be a stripper. On the other hand, I don't think there is anything wrong with acting out fantasies and role playing.
Liberate yourself from your conformism and maybe you'd wake up from this popular and facile fantasy. I don't see anything deep about it.
There's got to be something special (i.e., a young wild sexy thing) to pull me away... Conformity has worked very well for me, so I'm not just going to give it up.
mediocrity
01-14-2010, 03:27 AM
This was my first thread on SW - a very long time ago... I'm actually dating someone now and have no interest in going to SCs for the purpose of meeting someone special...
Strippers are very hot, at least they are here in the Houston upscale clubs...
Why my original fascination with dancer? A few reasons---
(1) The few times when I've been really depressed, I've found dancers who listened to me and, at least appeared to care a little. They have served as my best anti-depressents. -- I've also had crushes on a couple of dancers who gave me the girl-friend experience - not extras, just in the way they danced for me. (I'm not saying that all dancers have awesome personalities, some are very phony and jaded. But many are genuinely nice people.),
(2) I like that dancers enjoy a certain moral and intellectual freedom and independence - That they are not controlled by traditional moral codes -- That they are free and creative spirits.
(3) I've read books written by dancers and fantasized meeting a sex-positive feminist intellectual in a SC. Someone that could stimulate my brain with her wit and my other parts with her dance.
(4) I need a lot of eroticism in my life. My SO must understand this part of me and satisfy it. I need a GF who is highly sensual and erotic. I discovered in the SCs that,... to me... the masterfully-executed lap dance (when the dancer acts like your GF and stares deeply into your eyes, smells wonderful, lets her hair fall on your body and sensually brushes her body up against yours) -- this is absolutely the most erotic and sublime experience in the planet. -- However, the most ironic thing I discovered in this site is that dancers do not give their BFs lap dances -- that would be a problem for me.
I have dated a couple of girls (including my current GF) who learned to give me lap dances like the pros (plus all the extras I don't get at the SC) - so this has weened me from my stripper-GF fantasy, though, I still find myself on this site.
That might be generally true, but not necessarily... Think about the attraction that a woman feels towards a "bad boy" - like a dude that rides a bad-as Harley or a musician in a rock band, etc... Women like the "bad boy's" sense of rebelliousness, non-conformity, adventure, creativeness, passion, assertiveness, etc.
I think a dancer is like the female equivalent.... I've dated many "nice girls", but have this fantasy about dating a "bad girl" (e.g., dancer) that is very smart and deeply philosophical, but also a rebel... Maybe she'll liberate me from the shackles of my conformist life...
Yeah, the only difference I can detect from reading this forum is that many dancers have a very strong sense of independence. Instead of relying on mom and dad to pay for college tuition, etc., like most women, dancers have an overwhelming desire to be self-sufficient and completely independent.
Hahaha. Oh lordy. You should talk to my boyfriend. I think I give him the ultimate stereotypical stripper relationship. Good thing he is crazier than I am.
He's done a couple really awesome things for me lately (including but not limited to beginning to learn French, taking me dancing twice in one week, offering to pick up JD on his way home from Dallas, and planning an awesome Friday for us) so last night he got booze, VIP hockey tickets (he acquired the tickets for us and his best friend and one of my friends), to play my friend M and I in Strip Fooseball (which we lost miserably) and to have sex with both of us. [I don't mind sharing once in awhile, and don't get jealous. I call it the Cupcake Complex; it's like I am saying "Look at my delicious cupcake. I won't let you have it, but you can haz a bite!". Gives me an opportunity to show off how hot he is.]
I'm not even a stripper anymore. But if he wanted a lap dance? Psh. Sure. I only have three HELL NOs and I have solutions for most all of them. Like anal for instance, I don't do it. I'd gladly find him a girl that does if it's really important to him. I'm extremely sexually liberated; I holler at boys, drink whiskey and act a damn fool.
...then there's Mediocrity: medical student, intellectual, very polite, conversationalist, traveler. It's really pretty hilarious to witness.
Though I wouldn't call myself sensual or erotic. Now smokin' hot and a rockstar in bed, yup.
jack0177057
01-14-2010, 05:55 PM
^^^ You're the girl of my dreams, med... You do exist!
mediocrity
01-15-2010, 12:55 AM
^^ I'm everybody's dream girl, baby! ;) JK.
jack0177057
01-15-2010, 01:53 PM
^^ Indeed you are!... You are everything I've been fantasizing about since I was 13!
anouk.oui
01-23-2010, 12:52 AM
a dancer at my club married a customer. he would take her out [escorts, no sex just a date, costing 350 per hour] for hours on weeks straight. bought dances and presents. he was exceptionally good looking, intelligent and rich.
also she wasnt from the country so maybe that also had something to do with it.
look in the mirror and take an honest look at yourself. are u over 40, thinning hair, growing beer belly and covered in hair? consider sweatpants and coordinating tshirts with thongs and gold chains a reasonable outfit? are you a dennys employee with a 20yr old car?
and now look at her
is she mid 20s, fit with curves in all the right places? thick hair down to her ass? has designers handbags, goes for weekly manicures and blowdries? uni student or supplementing her income?
some men have really high hopes that in turn for something romantic we would choose them for all the macho paying guys. if you wanna date a stripper, make sure youre at least in the same league.
just coz we look easy and available, doesnt mean we are. i dont go to work to find a boyfriend and if someone pulls this dating shit on me you can watch me walk away
Jessie_tinydancer
01-27-2010, 09:42 AM
^baaaaahahaha. Well said. I've been married the whole time I danced, but I have met guys I would date. They were already married too anyways. But I agree with Anouk...they are the types who would appeal to me in any setting. Well dressed, well mannered, well off...and well... hot.
SuperFlyGuy
09-27-2010, 05:24 PM
This is a fascinating website and very interesting thread. I'm also into the whole stripper dating fantasy as I look 10-15 yrs. younger and regularly date hot, sexually-adventurous women half my age. That's what I look for as part of a healthy relationship. Yes, I've got $$$ but I'm not interested in risking it @ a SC.
From what I'm reading here, good looks, politeness and spending lotsa $$$ ITC are key. Then, assuming she's single, there has to be attraction/chemistry, of course. However, I'm going to assume that most people posting on this site have been dancing for awhile. But from my limited experience, these same rules don't seem to apply for some of the newer dancers.
Call it beginner's luck, but during my first visit to the club, I was approached by a 19 y.o., just starting out. She thought I was mid-20's and gladly provided her # when I requested it, even though I declined her LD offers and didn't spend much $$$ at all.
While it's still quite possible that she was playing me, it seems that some less experienced dancers may be more open to OTC relationship possibilities w/an attractive, polite, and successful customer. So maybe those guys looking to date dancers should focus on the newer girls, frequenting the clubs during off-peak hours.
And while I can appreciate what women here are saying about guys wasting their time, they really shouldn't generalize. Some of us are VERY generous while in a relationship with the right person, but don't choose to spend hundreds or thousands in the hope of attracting the woman of our dreams, BEFORE getting to know her better OTC. Also, for many of us, it's not just about the sex. While driving home an hr. later, I realized that she really wasn't my type, and discarded the #. Why waste her time and mine?!
SuperFlyGuy
09-27-2010, 05:36 PM
Here's another thought: Did any of you enter the profession w/the idea, perhaps in the back of your mind, of meeting an attractive, successful guy while on the job and living happily ever after? Or is that 19 y.o. I met a very rare case?
ilbbaicnl
09-27-2010, 06:32 PM
This is a fascinating website and very interesting thread. I'm also into the whole stripper dating fantasy as I look 10-15 yrs. younger and regularly date hot, sexually-adventurous women half my age. That's what I look for as part of a healthy relationship. Yes, I've got $$$ but I'm not interested in risking it @ a SC.
From what I'm reading here, good looks, politeness and spending lotsa $$$ ITC are key. Then, assuming she's single, there has to be attraction/chemistry, of course. However, I'm going to assume that most people posting on this site have been dancing for awhile. But from my limited experience, these same rules don't seem to apply for some of the newer dancers.
Call it beginner's luck, but during my first visit to the club, I was approached by a 19 y.o., just starting out. She thought I was mid-20's and gladly provided her # when I requested it, even though I declined her LD offers and didn't spend much $$$ at all.
While it's still quite possible that she was playing me, it seems that some less experienced dancers may be more open to OTC relationship possibilities w/an attractive, polite, and successful customer. So maybe those guys looking to date dancers should focus on the newer girls, frequenting the clubs during off-peak hours.
And while I can appreciate what women here are saying about guys wasting their time, they really shouldn't generalize. Some of us are VERY generous while in a relationship with the right person, but don't choose to spend hundreds or thousands in the hope of attracting the woman of our dreams, BEFORE getting to know her better OTC. Also, for many of us, it's not just about the sex. While driving home an hr. later, I realized that she really wasn't my type, and discarded the #. Why waste her time and mine?!
A fair percentage of strippers will hand out a phone # to pretty much any custy who asks. 90+% of the time, you'll get "mailbox full" if you call that #.
If what strippers say in strip clubs is to believed, there are no men who are fat, ugly or over 30.
I'm sure you must be getting PMed by every dancer on here, because you promised to make them rich, and nobody lies on the Internet.
All the dancers are just starting out, as long as you let them know you want them to be.
Elvia
09-27-2010, 06:49 PM
This is a fascinating website and very interesting thread. I'm also into the whole stripper dating fantasy as I look 10-15 yrs. younger and regularly date hot, sexually-adventurous women half my age. That's what I look for as part of a healthy relationship. Yes, I've got $$$ but I'm not interested in risking it @ a SC.
From what I'm reading here, good looks, politeness and spending lotsa $$$ ITC are key. Then, assuming she's single, there has to be attraction/chemistry, of course. However, I'm going to assume that most people posting on this site have been dancing for awhile. But from my limited experience, these same rules don't seem to apply for some of the newer dancers.
Call it beginner's luck, but during my first visit to the club, I was approached by a 19 y.o., just starting out. She thought I was mid-20's and gladly provided her # when I requested it, even though I declined her LD offers and didn't spend much $$$ at all.
While it's still quite possible that she was playing me, it seems that some less experienced dancers may be more open to OTC relationship possibilities w/an attractive, polite, and successful customer. So maybe those guys looking to date dancers should focus on the newer girls, frequenting the clubs during off-peak hours.
So...it sounds like you're assuming the dancer was romantically interested in you...because she gave you her phone number?
Are you new to the clubs?
SuperFlyGuy
09-27-2010, 09:45 PM
@ ilbaccini: I wasn't promising anything to anyone. Must have been reading the wrong thread, lol! And this girl seemed to be new, not based of what she told me, but because she seemed generally uncomfortable in that environment and would barely strip when it was her turn on stage.
@ elvia: Haha! Guess my naivete is obvious. I've only gone a few times, mostly with the purpose of meeting someone for dating OTC. She approached me, seemed interested, and readily gave out her #. I was under the mistaken impression that girls aren't allowed to do that in the club. But thanks to this forum, now I know otherwise...
Jay12
09-28-2010, 11:13 AM
When I was in the navy, I followed this rule; never date someone from the same command. I apply it to the stripping world too; no dates with clients.
Elusive21
12-17-2010, 04:33 PM
I haven't read this whole thread (just the first page, so far) but here is how I feel about romance on the job
Is it true that dancers will never date a customer?
Not true. I have known several dancers that have dated customers from the club, there is one that has even gotten married. However, it is much more common for a dancer to go on dates with a custy and turn hin into a sugar daddy, rather than someone she really wants to get romantically involved with.
The dancers that I know that have actually dated men they have met in a strip club, chose ones that were closer to their age and decent looking and someone they had a lot of things in common with.
Have you ever made an exception?
I myself have not but that is because I am so focused on money and hustling when I am at work, that considering a customer (even one that is really good looking and has similiar interests as me) doesn't even cross my mind. It just doesn't register.
What, if anything, could a customer do to sweep you off your feet... romantically speaking?
That's a tough one . . . if I was single and met a custy that I wanted to be in a relationship with it would have to be my idea, my initiative, not necessarily his. I can't think of anything that he would necessarily have to do to seal the deal and sweep me off my feet. I have never been in that situation before.
GoPoKo
12-18-2010, 06:33 AM
I have never asked or been asked to date a dancer in SC. I have met MANY friends with whom I shared similar interests we pursued OTC (photography, sailing, hiking) and a few (always at her blatant insistance...I don't want to be the creep lol) turned romantic/sexual.
My biggest 'lost love' was a former dancer I met at a wedding....she was years out of the game.
In that waY its like regular dating but with A LOT more competition, A LOT more jaded/skepticism, and a higher entrance fee (cover, vip, cr, etc)
Go to a club for fun...if something more happens its bonus.
Kellydancer
12-18-2010, 01:24 PM
Not true. I have known several dancers that have dated customers from the club, there is one that has even gotten married. However, it is much more common for a dancer to go on dates with a custy and turn hin into a sugar daddy, rather than someone she really wants to get romantically involved with.
The dancers that I know that have actually dated men they have met in a strip club, chose ones that were closer to their age and decent looking and someone they had a lot of things in common with.
This is my personal experience too. The dancers I know who married or date customers seem to all have certain traits. Like you mentioned they had other common interests and around the same age. I rarely saw a 20 something dancer date a much older customer unless it was a sugar daddy situation.
The situation I always mention is the same thing. He wasn't much older than me (3 1/2 years) and we have a ton of things in common, actually more than any other guy I wanted to be with ever. We even share the exact same views on morals. He wasn't my wealthiest customer or even my best looking. However he was one of my nicest and he never asked me for sex while a customer. While whether we'll be together is still a question, the fact is he's the only one I've ever wanted to be with. I briefly considered dating another customer of sorts (not sure he was a customer because he was friends with a dancer) I never did. I never considered the older guys who spent a lot of money as anything but customers. They might have been the nicest guys (rarely were they though) but still not anything but customers.
ManyRoses
12-18-2010, 01:52 PM
Funnily enough, I am currently dating someone who was a regular at my club...HOWEVER - he was not my regular. In fact, I never saw him in the club, but he is friends with the Dj and bouncers from many years ago, so he would come in with his friends a fair bit.
I would usually never date a customer that I met as a customer - the once or twice I have really been attracted to a guy, I will NOT sell him a dance, because I don't want him to see me as a stripper. I will give him my number and get back to work.
Obviously, if you want to so any pursuing, then the only other option for me would be to come in, only see her, and spend money on her for TIME, but not actually ask her to dance. This means that she could get to know you without having to worry about you seeing her only as a dancer. But I still wouldn't count on her wanting to go out with you....
kaiarose
12-18-2010, 01:55 PM
oh Jack, YOU actually had one of these threads??!!! Oh boy...
unbeleavable
12-18-2010, 02:58 PM
^^^funny he must have come around though....
Originally Posted by jack0177057
So when I am older and more "mature", having a wife that does what DesuvsDeath described in her post will seem petty and insignificant to me? I agree, if by "mature" you mean senile.
(No offense to anyone -- If I was not already in a LTR, I would definitely be open to dating a dancer and I would be open to marrying a former dancer.)
Kellydancer
12-18-2010, 03:08 PM
^^^funny he must have come around though....
Originally Posted by jack0177057
So when I am older and more "mature", having a wife that does what DesuvsDeath described in her post will seem petty and insignificant to me? I agree, if by "mature" you mean senile.
(No offense to anyone -- If I was not already in a LTR, I would definitely be open to dating a dancer and I would be open to marrying a former dancer.)
At first I thought you said you wouldn't be open to marrying a dancer and was going to ask you why. Glad to see I read it wrong. I get why many guys don't want to marry a dancer (I wouldn't be too keen on marrying a male stripper). It really is a hard business and relationships are often hard. However I've had guys reject me for being a FORMER dancer. One guy said he was afraid of what his parents would think. Another was convinced I did more than dance. Men can really suck sometimes. If I don't end up with the guy I want, I'm not sure I'll tell any guys I was a dancer because of this.
Hopper
12-18-2010, 04:45 PM
At first I thought you said you wouldn't be open to marrying a dancer and was going to ask you why. Glad to see I read it wrong. I get why many guys don't want to marry a dancer (I wouldn't be too keen on marrying a male stripper). It really is a hard business and relationships are often hard. However I've had guys reject me for being a FORMER dancer. One guy said he was afraid of what his parents would think. Another was convinced I did more than dance. Men can really suck sometimes. If I don't end up with the guy I want, I'm not sure I'll tell any guys I was a dancer because of this.
He said he would date a dancer and would marry a former dancer.
...I would definitely be open to dating a dancer and I would be open to marrying a former dancer.
Kellydancer
12-18-2010, 10:27 PM
He said he would date a dancer and would marry a former dancer.
...I would definitely be open to dating a dancer and I would be open to marrying a former dancer.
Right, I got that, which is why I worded it that way. I have had guys say they would date a dancer but never marry her until she retired. I actually get why they would feel that way.
Hopper
12-18-2010, 11:17 PM
Funnily enough, I am currently dating someone who was a regular at my club...HOWEVER - he was not my regular. In fact, I never saw him in the club, but he is friends with the Dj and bouncers from many years ago, so he would come in with his friends a fair bit.
I would usually never date a customer that I met as a customer - the once or twice I have really been attracted to a guy, I will NOT sell him a dance, because I don't want him to see me as a stripper. I will give him my number and get back to work.
Obviously, if you want to so any pursuing, then the only other option for me would be to come in, only see her, and spend money on her for TIME, but not actually ask her to dance. This means that she could get to know you without having to worry about you seeing her only as a dancer. But I still wouldn't count on her wanting to go out with you....
The fact is you are a stripper whether he buys LDs from you or not. What is it you are afraid of if he buys LDs from you? What do you mean by "see me as a stripper"?
Your condition on dating customers makes being a customer a bit complicated. We buy LDs from dancers we find attractive, yet by doing so, we could be closing off that possibility. And we may not know how much we like you until after we do get an LD from you. We would have to pay for "time" with all the dancers who we think look nice to find out which ones we like personally as well, and for them to decide if they like us also and give us their phone numbers.
I've thought about this question before and most other customers probably have too. I don't let it hold me back - I go to SCs for LDs and stage shows, not to pick up, so I accept whatever that entails. There are enough attractive girls outside the clubs. And some strippers would perhaps be just as much less inclined to give me their numbers if I don't buy LDs from them. They might read it as not being interested enough in them or a sign of cheapness.
Hopper
12-18-2010, 11:25 PM
Right, I got that, which is why I worded it that way. I have had guys say they would date a dancer but never marry her until she retired. I actually get why they would feel that way.
Your wording sounded the opposite of that to me.
Hopper
12-18-2010, 11:31 PM
I don't see why a stripper would never date customers she likes.
There are obvious reasons for not wishing to. One, by dating him she would probably lose him as a customer and then possibly get dumped after a short time and be left with nothing. Two, if they get involved he might interfere with her work. Three, safety.
If a dancer is single and hasn't met many prospective partners outside the club, and she meets a customer who she likes, who seems okay and who isn't likely to interfere with her job, then why wouldn't she date him? He may never be a repeat customer anyway. Being dumped may not be a reason because she may just want a short-term relationship, maybe just sex. She could end up dumping him.
I know many strippers make a rule about not dating customers, or just never meet customers they like, or don't think it is worth the possible complications etc. But I don't see why all strippers would never date customers. It seems to me that in some cases it could be quite natural.
Almost Jaded
12-26-2010, 06:43 AM
I just read this entire thread. And I'm in a hotel room with MM and our GF, both of them amazingly beautiful and sexual creatures, in the wee hours of the morning after Christmas, and none of us has had sex in several days. Gawd am I pathetic, lmao. But this thread, in all of it's ups & downs & ins & outs, is far more than most of these threads. It's fascinating, really. And it's got me thinking about thigs, and aout our relationship. Not in a bad way, not even in a particularly good way. Just... Thinking.
Christismyalias - should you read this - I wish I'd seen your posts almost 2 years ago. I wish I'd known you back when you were with Mr. Perfect. Those posts were ages ago and it's no longer relevant, but I have to post about it. Because we've been going through some stuff and it relates.
You shouldn't have quit dancing. He fell for you when you were, and although he made an issue about it, deep down he was disappointed when you quit. I am NOT saying it was all your fault. And I'm sure there were many, many more issues in the relationship that brought it to an end. But this particular issue is one I've seen many times, and that eventually contributed to ending my first marriage (she wasn't a dancer, but the issues underlying the topic). I fell in love with this girl, and to make me happy, she changed. She changed to make me happy - but then she wasn't the girl I fell i love with anymore. I didn't ask her to, she just did. There were many other things in the end that did the final damage, but ultimately I don't think they would have happened if it weren't for the cracks that formed because of my behavior, which was triggered by her kowtowing to me all the time and changing herself to be my all.
Aw crap. The girls are hungry and we need to grab breakfast. If you are all lucky, I will forget to post the rest of what's in my head right now. I apologize in advance for subjecting you all to the post that will follow if I remember, lol.
red_lolita
12-26-2010, 01:12 PM
Every dancer will SAY they will never date a customer, but on rare, rare occassions it DOES actually happen. I think the more time the girl spends at the club, the more she works there, the more likely it is to happen--we generally find those that we date out of the pool of aquintances, and if you're constantly surrounded by people who either work at strip clubs, or customers, eventually you'll end up with one or the other (or both, at different points). A lot of girls don't separate their work life and their personal life, egro they do mix.
Girls always have their guard up with customers though, always always. So he's gotta be pretty special to knock that guard down. I think it all has to do with chemistry, personal chemistry, and having something different about him the piques her interest. He can't just be Joe-Shome, working down at the Wendy's across the street. Usually, he's someone with a lot of money (let's be realistic here), or someone with a lot of status (well known, famous, ect). Someone who can offer her something beyond what she normally gets offered (the chocolates, the love, the flowers, ect). Honestly all that shit means NOTHING. This guy has got to offer her a future that's BETTER than the one she's already creating for herself, and usually us dancers dream big. Or at least a future AS good, and in sync with the one she wants. And of course, he's gotta be moderately good looking, to good looking, and able to handle himself around normal humans, lol.
I personally have dated two customers in the 5+ years of dancing I've been through. One was a well known, very successful graphic designer who lived in Echo Park, and was in his 30s, hip young, good looking, ect. What drew me to him was chemistry, saying the right things, different things then the other men. Instead of complimenting my boobs (which EVERYONE does), he would say stuff like "I love how crazy your hair is", something most other dudes would not normally like, or at least comment on (my hair at that point was a rats nest, black and red, was going through my 'sexy bedhead' phase). Or he'd say "I love this scar on your leg". Just shit like that, personal stuff, like finding my faults sexy instead of idealizing the parts of me that obviously were good. It cut to the core, and he did spend about $3000 on me, so that helped to, and used the premature "we", which I always pick up on and see as a sign of interest (I tend to only go for guys that show interest in me first, I don't waste my time with ones I don't think don't want me).
Anyways, dated him outside the club for awhile, never alluded to ever wanting money or anything from him. I made it clear from day one it wasn't to be a situation like that. We did our thing, it was fun, but ultimately, it didn't work out because we just weren't compatible in the long run (he was a homebody, not adventerous, didn't smoke, didn't drink, ect), plus he was just looking for too tame of a girl, more of a woman who liked to be pampered, and I am NOT that girl, lol. I wanted more rough and tumble, more drama....he was too clean cut and nice for me. I wanted more SLEEZE. But it ended without undue pain or anything, since it was all super casual anyways. He never asked that I stop dancing, never got to that point in seriousness.
The second one, the one I'm seeing now, is a different story, completely different. I feel for him the SECOND he walked into my club. There was just something about him, the way he walked, the way he carried himself, that I feel for completely. I went up to him and chatted, and he flat turned me down for another girl. I was PISSED, lol. So I was a bitch to him, said, "hey have a nice life guys, hope you're happy". I think that piqued his interest and while he did come back and get involved, became a regular of this other girl, he'd always take time to sit with me outside and have cigs together. We got to know each other, and I found out he was in the middle of some white collar federal investigation for wire fraud, had like 40 bazillion dollars in Swiss Bank accounts, was this like, international outlaw, plus he was really into science fiction, was a novelist, ect ect. Like a truly intriguing guy, plus he was always high or drunk, and we bonded on that as well, (hate to say it but it's true). We had this Bonnie and Clyde sorta thing, an understanding of each other based on mutual demons. He brother had passed away last year, and I'd lost my best friend. His marriage was falling apart, and so was my relationship. It seemed like kismet, or fate, or something had brought us together. All I had to do was to get him to see me as someone he could date, not a stripper. But how to do it?
Eventually, since he was coming in pretty much every day, he and his regular girl got into it because he asked to date her outside the club and she stood him up several times. He finally got her out of his system, and I convinced him to dance with me (actually, he decided to dance with me, there is no convincing that man of anything, lol). After that, the connection was immediate, and things moved quickly. I told him several times I'd prefer to see him outside the club, because I really liked him, and at first he thought I was lying, trying to get him to give me more money. But then I clarified, I'd do it for free. Hang out for free, nothing from him. Come to my house and watch movies, ect. So he did--and from there, we started dating. And after a few months, totally fell for each other. He still makes fun of the first day we met, how MAD I was that he wanted the other girl and not me. And it's true---from the moment I laid eyes on him I wanted him. So there was really nothing he did to get me, per se. It was more me getting him, lol. But he was always set apart from other customers, he's one of those men that compeletly owns a room, no matter where he is, immediately. And I'm SO into men like that, brilliant men.
Anyways--I quit dancing to be with him, and also because I'm opening my own place, but I can't lie and say that's the whole reason. I don't have the heart to dance anymore, plus he didn't really want me to anyways. He's still in the middle of a messy divorce, has been since I've known him, and that sucks, and often I find myself going "wtf am I doing with him? A customer? A guy who's 16 years older than me? A guy who's in the middle of this fucked up divorce?" But it's HIM--he just has this pull for me, I don't know what it is. If I had met him at a regular bar, it would have been the same way, I'm sure. Or at least I tell myself that, lol.
Anyways, there you go.
Kellydancer
12-26-2010, 03:55 PM
Maybe it's me, but money has never made a decision whether I date someone. The guy I want to be with never had money (he was working at a factory when we met) nor was he hot or anything else. I think I liked him because he treated me as normal girl, not a dancer and also because of his morals. He wasn't much older than me (3 1/2 years) and not a professional.
Hopper
12-27-2010, 05:33 AM
A man walking on the beach finds a lamp in the sand, picks it up and wipes it. A genie comes out of the lamp and tells him he can grant him one wish, anything at all. The man thinks and says "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I get sea sick and I'm afraid of flying. Can you make a bridge all the way from the West Coast to Hawaii?" The genie looks worried and says "That will require huge pylons reaching the to the bottom of the Pacific and going for over a thousand miles, plus all the steel, cement, asphalt, railing, power for the lighting, etc. and it'll have to be two-way of course, with kerbing and pavements on both sides... I don't think it's physically possible. Can you think of something else?" The man is disappointed and thinks some more. Then he says: "I've had nothing but bad experiences with women. My relationships with women always go wrong. I think the problem is just that I don't understand them. Can you give me a comprehensive understanding of female psychology?" The genie says: "Two lanes or four?".
Almost Jaded
12-27-2010, 05:46 AM
I've always loved that joke, lol.
red - good luck, sounds like fun. In a bad way. Which can be good. Anyway - good luck. :)
FiendishGyrator
12-27-2010, 08:41 AM
Cat is spot on with the word nice being used to cover up a lack of personality.
It's always the whiny guy who complains about what a nice guy he is and why women won't date him that doesn't realize he needs to be funny, smart, secure AND nice.
Nice alone is a code word for either "massively boring or two-dimensional" or "passive aggressive man who thinks not yelling or hitting a woman automatically wins him the gold-medal and makes him a catch."
Kellydancer
12-27-2010, 12:40 PM
Cat is spot on with the word nice being used to cover up a lack of personality.
It's always the whiny guy who complains about what a nice guy he is and why women won't date him that doesn't realize he needs to be funny, smart, secure AND nice.
Nice alone is a code word for either "massively boring or two-dimensional" or "passive aggressive man who thinks not yelling or hitting a woman automatically wins him the gold-medal and makes him a catch."
Nice is probably the most overused word by guys. My experience is most of the guys who claim to be nice really aren't. One guy used to claim he was a nice guy. Of course the fact that he was unemployed, obese, 40 and lived with his parents, didn't have a car, yet wanted a hot 25 year old blonde. He really wasn't nice at all. Several other guys also claimed to be nice but weren't.
Obviously the best is to strike a balance.
That said, if you had to choose an extreme the best is to go towards the bad end of the spectrum.
I'm only speaking of attracting women though...not being a fully developed moral human being.
Hopper
12-28-2010, 12:43 AM
I don't go for a girl because she is "bad" or "nice", I go for a girl who has something I want. If she has that, I'm attracted to her whether she is bad or nice. I expect it is the same for women with men.