View Full Version : Romance on the Job
I think the point is that a lot of guys who are "bad" usually will have traits that women find attractive (confidence, assertiveness, high self-esteem).
Kellydancer
12-28-2010, 01:16 AM
I think the point is that a lot of guys who are "bad" usually will have traits that women find attractive (confidence, assertiveness, high self-esteem).
As a woman I couldn't care less about those traits. In fact guys with overinflated self esteem are guys I avoid.
Almost Jaded
12-28-2010, 02:46 AM
So you stick to money and penis size? :P
Regarding your previous post Kelly - I know a guy JUST like that. Long time friend of mine in fact. But what passed as "he'll learn" in his 20's has become "he's pathetic" in his late 30's. And he really doesn't seem to understand why the girls don't go for him; it just doesn't compute. :rolleyes:
Hopper
12-28-2010, 03:03 AM
I think the point is that a lot of guys who are "bad" usually will have traits that women find attractive (confidence, assertiveness, high self-esteem).
The point I was making is that it's not the "bad" that girls go for, it's the confidence - or rather the fact that they seem to have something to be confident about. A bad guy could be a loser with no self-esteem. A nice guy could have low self-esteem or confidence. My point was that "nice" and "bad" are ultimately irrelevant. Of course the guy could have confidence with no good reason - he is merely self-assured (i.e. what Kellydancer is talking about), and a girl can be fooled into thinking there is something substantial behind it she might want. But the point remains that this something substantial (whether a desirable personal trait, personal achievement, ability, or material assets) is really what the girl is after.
jack0177057
12-28-2010, 08:50 AM
^ Its more than just confidence - its the drama, the thrill, the "danger" and adrenaline, the spontaneity, the protection (because others fear him), and the idea that maybe there is some profound wisdom hidden in his anti-establishment views, etc. Possibly, it is also a way to rebel against their parents and establish their unique identity.
This is the same reason inner city kids join gangs - the thrill, fun, freedom (if you get away with breaking the law) and protection.
Morally, however, you don't have to be evil or cruel to be "bad". Jesus Christ, John the Baptist and most prophets in any religion, as well as civil rights leaders, were "bad" - in the sense of stirring up controversy, living dangerously, rebelling against the status quo, fighting and wiling to die for a cause, leading a new revolution, etc. Musicians are also "bad", because they challenge the "culture" and "morals" with overt sexuality, provocative images and music, etc., though they don't risk their lives for a cause.
The opposite of this is the "nice" low-key guy, who just wants a quiet desk job, is complacent and conforms without any protest. This guy may be a good stable provider (if he has a good paying job) and father, but most women will only seriously consider this guy after they have sowed their oats by fucking many exciting bad boys. If they haven't sowed their oats when they marry the "nice" guy, chances are they will get bored with the "nice" guy (though they are very dependent on him, because he is a good stable provider/father) and will cheat on him with a "bad" guy.
Jessie_tinydancer
12-28-2010, 09:44 AM
What about a nice bad boy.. I know one. Very sexy. lol Can be evil if he needs to but treats his nearest and dearest like gold.
Almost Jaded
12-28-2010, 10:20 AM
The holy grail of being a man. Many seek it, few find it, that tough balance, though there are many different ways to accomplish it.
Some are reformed REAL bad guy who've seen the light - but will always have that edge.
Some stayed out of real trouble because they know how to rock a boat without tipping it.
Hell, there are thousands of variations on this theme.
If you suffer from ANGuS - Acute Nice Guy Syndrome - the best advice I can give is to befriend a guy who's lucky with the ladies, and instead of "woe is me", PAY ATTENTION.
You have a dark side, I promise. Bring him out a little to add some color to your personality without losing those values that make you a "nice guy". You might just manage to overcome all that whiny passive aggressive bullshit that repels the women in an ANGuS sufferers life like a bug zapper and makes him a bigger asshole than the guys he env-um, hates.
Kellydancer
12-28-2010, 12:29 PM
So you stick to money and penis size? :P
Regarding your previous post Kelly - I know a guy JUST like that. Long time friend of mine in fact. But what passed as "he'll learn" in his 20's has become "he's pathetic" in his late 30's. And he really doesn't seem to understand why the girls don't go for him; it just doesn't compute. :rolleyes:
That sounds like the guy I want. In his 20's he was the nice guy who was overly clingy and always did nice things thinking he would get a girl. He got to be annoying because he was always calling and coming over. I didn't see him for much of his 30's, but according to him he dated several girls who used him to buy them stuff, including a woman who he met on an online site, and he moved to another state to marry (having never met her). He realized after a few months she just wanted to use him, he moved back home, and now has serious damage emotionally. I don't know if he'll ever recover from it. This is what happens to guys like him.
Oh and he has neither a big penis nor a lot of money. ;D
Hopper
12-29-2010, 12:17 AM
The "nice" and "bad" debate misses the mark. I think it is superficial to talk about attractiveness in terms of image, as if all you need to do to be more attractive is change the way you act. Character and achievement are what really makes a person attractive. A man or woman can be bad and be a complete turkey. I'm sure dancers have met many customers in this category. You can have the nicest, sweetest, mildest guy around who also has some kind of character or direction in his life which makes him attractive. It is simply in some guys' nature to be nice.
Anyway, you don't need to try to look "bad". All that takes is thinking and speaking for yourself. I guarantee people will think you are the biggest asshole.
livingdeadgirl
12-29-2010, 06:15 AM
You can have the nicest, sweetest, mildest guy around who also has some kind of character or direction in his life which makes him attractive. It is simply in some guys' nature to be nice.
Anyway, you don't need to try to look "bad". All that takes is thinking and speaking for yourself. I guarantee people will think you are the biggest asshole.
agreed^
jack0177057
12-29-2010, 10:39 AM
What about a nice bad boy.. I know one. Very sexy. lol Can be evil if he needs to but treats his nearest and dearest like gold.
That sounds like me.:D