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View Full Version : Things went downhill... how do i build back up slowly? <very long rant>



Ms. Mia Roberts
03-26-2009, 12:40 PM
this is a long rant about my life and i won't blame anyone for not reading lol... but i needed to vent and just get it all out.

So i have a bad relationship with my parents. father barely there, and my mother was a teenage mom when she had me... so i feel she has never really gotten a chance to grow up.

when i turn 16, i started to get rebellious. sneaking out, meeting guys, and so-on. most of them, older than me. at 17, i started hooking up with random much older men in thier thirties and forties (never sex tho), and getting small amounts of money, or just the satisfaction that i was doin something wrong, and it got me into trouble on my 18th birthday. I fell asleep at a man's house and didn't come home. the next morning i got into a fist fight with my mother. a week later, i packed my bags and left home.

Thats when i started dancing.

I danced in pittsburgh for a couple months. Made good money. was pretty happy there. but plans changed and i decided it would be best for me to go to school, since i had the opportunity.

So thats where i am now. in philly, at school. The first month of school was fine, because things were all new, i was focused and i was still living off the money i made back in pitts. But when the money ran out, i wanted to start dancing again. I guess philly is just different from pitts, because i got SO MANY rejections. The one gig i did get turned out to be a flop, and i had to quit. And now that the economy is in the shit... i feel like it is even harder to get work.

The stress of not being able to work and worry about how i was goin to get the next bill paid off... took its toll. I failed my entire first semester and i'm failing my second semester as well. I barely eat anymore, yet i can't loose the 20lbs i have gained in the last few months. My sleep is irregular and i've been sick twice this month.

And on top of all that, i can't really ask my parents for help because my father is a deadbeat and my mother is still mad about what happened last year. eventually, i wont be able to register for summer courses if i don't pay the bills. and i won't be able to receive any financial aid for next year without passing two summer courses (which i have to pay for in full $5500).

AND because of all this. My relationship is going downhill as well. My boyfriend is nothing but good to me. He helps me in any and every way he can and does more for me than anyone else. But i have been treating him like garbage. I have the shortest temper i have ever had before... and i keep yelling at him for no reason. Just him talking now annoys me and i find myself being a bitch out of no where. He is starting to get sick of it and is threatening to leave me if i dont start changing.

I need to get back in shape, get my eating and sleeping habits regualar, get a "regular" job, get my grades back on track, and regain my confidence so i can dance again.... and besides a lil help from my boyfriend (who has problems of his own)... i have to do most of this on my own... and fast!

I'm starting to think that i'm trying to do too much all at once. I feel like i need to start from scratch and have one plan at time... but my mind is scrambled on how i'm actually to achieve this.


so here is where i need a lil bit of help if anyone is willing to offer advice...


*I've been contemplating taking a break from school. Maybe for a year, to get everything else on track, and then go back. But people keep telling me it is a bad idea. Should i take a year off?

*does anyone know what is the best way i could relieve alot of the stress? i have no money, and no way to "get away" from my problems... so i'm lookin for some simple tips.

*should i try and rekindle my relationship with my mom? anybody been in a similar scenario? how did you get things back on track with your family?

*any relationship advice for me? should i spend less time with him to prevent more blow ups and arguements?...

*anybody have any just general life advice??? lol. i'll take anything at this point :)

Elvia
03-26-2009, 12:46 PM
I would take the year off if I was you. It's easier to take time off from school when you're younger. The older you get, the harder it is to go back. BUT, I would only take the year off if you know you'll be able to save some money so you'll be able to get back on track after that year. Which would probably mean living very modestly.


Also...I have to ask, why do you think you need to do it all so fast? You're very young.

Ms. Mia Roberts
03-26-2009, 12:50 PM
^^^ i don't mind living modestly. I've never spent much on things in the first place. I'm very cheap lol.

I was also thinking tho, even if i can't raise ALL the money in the year, would it be easier for me file enough income to get student loans. I obviously wasn't able to get many because i needed my mom to co-sign, seeing as i had no job history or credit, and she has been neglecting to help me out of anger.

if i work a year and can give proof of income, should i be able to finance the loans myself?

verfolgung
03-26-2009, 01:17 PM
Sorry to hear you are going through such tough times. Hopefully in the end you'll come out stronger for it.

In terms of you're questions, here is some simple feedback...

- The only danger is stopping with your classes is that you won't go back. As long as you feel that you are disciplined and motivated enough to go back then you should be able to take a break. You can tell your school that you are taking a LOA. Most of your completed course work will be good for about 7 years (though you may want to check your particular school's policy) so you will have plenty of time to come back and finish. ... One thing to keep in mind however, is that if you have gotten any loans already, they may start to require you to make payments if you are not an active student.


- Do you have any parks or quiet places around you? Spring is starting to come on, and as the weather improves hopefully it will help to brighten your spirits. Do you have a bike, or do you enjoy things like jogging or roller blading? If you can find an activity, it can help to relieve your stress, help you're body release endorphines, and can also be great exercise.


- You should always be able to go home. No matter what happens you will always be her daugher and she will always be your mother. Hey, if she doesn't want to accept you back, then that's on her.


- General life tip ... sometimes a good way to get away from your troubles is to help others with theirs. If you do take a LOA from your classes, perhaps you could find someplace to do some volunteer work. It could help to boost your self esteem and might also help you to recognize the blessings in your own life.

Ms. Mia Roberts
03-26-2009, 01:25 PM
Also...I have to ask, why do you think you need to do it all so fast? You're very young.

I don't have much help from my family, and i want to stay in school. So i have to figure out the money thing ASAP, or they are gonna slap me with a bunch of fines and they could also kick me out for financial delinquency.

If i'm gonna make a decision about school and money... the deadline to register and make the choice to either take time off or keep going is in a few weeks. :-\

Phil-W
03-26-2009, 02:21 PM
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Not sure I can do much to help but here goes...

1) I think things are getting on top of you. When we're in that situation it very difficult to see what the way out is. The only thing to do is break your big problem into lots of smaller ones. It's easier to solve a number of small problems.

2) Don't look at the problems directly, but see what is behind them. If you see what is behind them, its easier to cure them.

3) Your individual problems seem to be:

- Money
- Studies
- Relationship with bf
- Relationship with family
- Weight
- Self confidence
- Stress

These are all feeding on one another. You've lost your self confidence, so you find a bit of solace in food. The food makes you put on weight, so you can't get hired as a dancer. You can't get hired as a dancer, so you get stressed. You get stressed, so you take it out on your bf and family....

4) What I would do (either by yourself or with your bf - which ever you are most comfortable with) is get a bit of paper and write things down.

Make a table called My Problems. Give it three columns.

a) Problem
b) Underlying cause
c) What I am going to do about it

5) For example, for your relationship with your bf you might write:

Problem - problems with my boyfriend
Underlying cause - I'm stressed and lashing out as the first person in reach
What I am going to do about it:
* Short term - be really honest with him about the causes. Apologize to him and resolve to count to 10 under my breath from now on.
* Long term - try and reduce the stress I'm under

6) Work through as best you can what your problems are until you have completed the list.

7) Take another sheet of paper and call it My Plan. Start writing down what you are going to do about your problems and most importantly when you are going to do it.

For example, under the 'Money' heading when you analyzed your problems, you might have decided to follow verfolgung's suggestion and talked to your school. If so put down an action point - talk to school - and a date - 14/4/09.

8.) You have to be realistic about this plan. You can't put everything right at once and there are only 24 hours in the day. Work out realistic targets for achieving the things in your plan and try and stick to them. If your plan is a 6 month one - fine. If you stick to it, things will be looking better in 6 months.

9) Give yourself a few rewards in the plan as well for when you finish an action. I know money is tight, but there are always things you can do at low cost. When you check off an item, you give yourself a reward. It might just be a box of sweet or a bottle of wine - but it's a way of showing yourself that crossing an action off the list has made things better.

10) Stick to your plan. If you keep checking things off, your life will get better. If you sit around moping about your bad luck, it won't.

-------------------------------------

OK - the above suggestions are not wonderful - or original - but you need to understand how to start making your life better.

As the Chinese say - every journey starts with a single step.

Good luck....

Phil.

Ms. Mia Roberts
03-26-2009, 05:14 PM
I would make an appointment with your schools financial department. In this economy with the lack of readily available student loans, I feel colleges and universities are very sensitive to financial issues. You are certainly not alone out there. They may have some great suggestions and guidence for you. You may even quilify for financial aide programs that you're not even aware of.

yea, i've been to the financial aid office a few times trying to figure things out. But since the original plan was my parents were paying for things... i had been stuck at a fence with the financial help. She signed up for loans she never completed and a bunch of mess.

i think i have finally realized that i can't rely on her help. so i'm gonna go asap and ask what i can do exactly on my own.

and i wonder... will a year worth of working be enough to take out my own student loans... with the economy the way it is....

JoJoX
03-26-2009, 06:02 PM
Hey, well first of all, coming from all that trouble and being on your own I am very proud of you and happy to hear that you at least are trying and going to school. Not alot of people would stop to think "What should I do? Start going to school and make money." Don't get me wrong- school is not the only thing that make a person a good person that is trying- people try in other ways. Especially people in your position- they use the fact that their mom wasn't there, 'daddys a dead beat' as an excuse for not trying. So, pat yourself on the back for that.

The other half of my advice, the others already said it.

IsobelWren
04-01-2009, 05:05 PM
Did you fill out the FAFSA form? That helped me get a lot of student aid when I was on my own as a student. I had a lot of student loans, but you don't have to pay that off until you graduate. Sure, it'll be a lot of money then, but with the job you'll get with your degree you'll be making enough to pay off the loans easily. You should be able to get Federal loans, and possibly a low interest loan from your bank.

Tell your boyfriend that you heartily apologize and that you're just snappish because of the problems with school. Ask him to stick by you until you get this all sorted out.

You'll get it sorted. I know you will.

Ms. Mia Roberts
04-19-2009, 05:27 PM
UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO ADD ON TO THE HORRIBLE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED!--last night a bunch of fucking thugs busted my windshield and the hood of my car with a brick because they had a problem with my roommate. I just got a job at a club, now i have no way to get there....and no way to afford to fix that.

why the fuck are things going so badly this year>???? anyone else just have a really shitty year....i really hope it gets better..

:'(

Ms. Mia Roberts
04-19-2009, 05:28 PM
PS. I FUCKING HATE PHILLY....AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


ok, i'm done.

sunnie86
04-19-2009, 08:45 PM
I grew up in Pitt and know what u mean about the difference in the clubs. my true and honest advice is go back to Pittsburgh go to CCAC and then transfer to a major college either locally or out of town. i say this cause you get the same education as you would at Pitt university and you have many options to dance in Pitt or around the local area try Jill's in WV if its still there or some places in Ohio n they are all with in an hr drive. while on spring break go to ocean city and work make the arrangements before hand. if you have any other questions post me or message me on my yahoo messenger quila86. I have been in your shoes i left home and moved to California but when ever things get bad i always return home n it seems to help me plant my feet back on the ground

sunnie86
04-19-2009, 08:50 PM
as long as u are in school u wont have to pay back the loan plus its interest dance put away money into a separate bank account and pay the loan down when you can while u are still going to school once again post me or message me. i can ramble on n on

Slim143
04-24-2009, 03:02 AM
I'm not sure what I would do in your situation as far as taking off or not. As far as jobs go there are some out there. They may not make you as much money as dancing but its something...and start looking asap b/c once high school kids get out for summer breaks jobs will be slim to none.


why the fuck are things going so badly this year>???? anyone else just have a really shitty year....i really hope it gets better..

:'( Me!!...It seems terrible but it will get better and I just have to smile to keep from crying.

Lola_sinn
04-24-2009, 02:33 PM
PS. I FUCKING HATE PHILLY....AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


ok, i'm done.

Awwwwww I'm soooo sorry this happened to you girly! I can relate to this on so many levels. Philly is, for the most part, a miserable place.

Can you maybe take cabs to work? Or take the bus there and a cab home at night? Is there anyone who can help you out with rides? As long as you can get to work you can prolly make enough money pretty quickly to get your car fixed.

Oh...and seeing as Philly thugs exist in more or less a state of nature towards other human beings, I would strongly recommend some kind of retribution for this. And I don't mean pressing charges...more like throwing a brick through their window with some lit fireworks tied to it.

Ms. Mia Roberts
05-29-2009, 05:55 PM
I grew up in Pitt and know what u mean about the difference in the clubs. my true and honest advice is go back to Pittsburgh go to CCAC and then transfer to a major college either locally or out of town. i say this cause you get the same education as you would at Pitt university and you have many options to dance in Pitt or around the local area try Jill's in WV if its still there or some places in Ohio n they are all with in an hr drive. while on spring break go to ocean city and work make the arrangements before hand. if you have any other questions post me or message me on my yahoo messenger quila86. I have been in your shoes i left home and moved to California but when ever things get bad i always return home n it seems to help me plant my feet back on the ground

I have been thinking long and hard about it... and i think i have decided to take your advice and go back


i'm sick sick sick sick sick of philly! I'm gonna send in some professionally taken pics to both blush and the new cheerleaders and see if i get a call.