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View Full Version : i was addicted to crystal meth and molested too and my bf is in prison



moxilicious
03-31-2009, 09:59 PM
i hate how nobody can understand what i'm going through! i'm so angry!
:'(
i try to talk to my friends about it, and it only pushes them away.
and then, some friends act like they want to listen and they tell everybody
"mckenzie is a meth head!"
oh fuck you.
you don't know what it's like to have an addiction and now that i'm clean for about twenty three days, i'm happy but i'm dealing with all the backstabbing drama.everyone talking shit.
and on top of it all the people involved in molesting me, are violent.
they are also meth users.
i filed a report, and the police came by
they stole my beautiful ring my bf gave me!!!!!!!!
of course clucked it for some drugs.
they were going to pass me around like a rag doll.
i'm so glad i was able to get out of there.
they also kept going back to a place where i used to live, and ask about me.(i moved thank goodness)
but now i have NO FRIENDS.i can't name one.
it's funny what drugs do to you.
but now i know that i didn't have any real friends.
okay maybe, one. her name is alyssa.
she has been there through the good and bad, and JESUS!
i'm so angry that people would call me a crack whore or meth head.
i'm so angry that people would make me into a joke.
i was talking to this guy that had been clean of meth for a year, and felt comfortable telling him about my run with it too...he ended up spreading that around.oh. and i was also recently told, "you're supposed to be the amazing mckenzie. you're supposed to be much more wonderful than this."
FUCK YOU.
i am a SURVIVIOR.
i am clean of meth! i stood up for myself against my molestor, TWICE.
and reported it once! and i never ever let the things that happened to me harden my heart and make me bitter.
>:(>:(:'(

Kylea2
03-31-2009, 10:28 PM
Wow girl, it sounds like you have had it rough lately! Are you in a place where you are safe now? I wish you the best!

dayna
03-31-2009, 10:32 PM
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this alone. You are very brave and congratulations on staying off the drugs. I wish you all the best of luck in the future.:)

Winged Dinghy
03-31-2009, 10:35 PM
congrats on the 23 days being sober. that's awesome!

Do you have any supports in your life, people you can talk to about this stuff? You might want to try a 12 step group. It sounds like you coul use some positive people in your life.

moxilicious
03-31-2009, 10:35 PM
thankyou so much girls,
i'm sorry i just had to vent and needed a little support
i feel like i'll be judged if i ask my mom and dad to a meeting
but i'm going to look for one anyways through my church

Kylea2
03-31-2009, 10:37 PM
^^^ We all need to vent some days.

Are you staying somewhere safe now though?

moxilicious
03-31-2009, 10:41 PM
yes, i'm at my parent's house.
i never let any of my meth friends over here!
thank goodness!
i moved back in when i decided to quit.
i'm hoping that they get busted soon but i pray alot for God to protect me.
i'm pretty sure i'm safe in the house.

patchouli
03-31-2009, 10:48 PM
First, I hope you are proud of yourself! You probably have an amazing story to share with this world. You are one strong woman.

Look into seeing a therapist and/or support group. I see one and it helps to talk to someone who will listen and not judge me.

wish
04-01-2009, 07:50 AM
You are a very strong individual and I know what its like to have ppl you care for turn against you . I also know what's like to have the ppl you think would understand because they've been in your situation turn around and act like they're better then you but that's just jelousy and bitterness on their part. I wish you the best and every day sober makes you that much better then them and they know it.

Arizona_Angel
04-01-2009, 08:33 AM
You should be so proud of yourself and what you have accomplished! Congrats to you and I wish you the best.

LittleLuscious!
04-01-2009, 08:44 AM
my boyfriend has been clean from meth for almost 3 years now. he started when he was 11, and is now almost 20.

i am so proud that you have gotten yourself out of it. keep it up! ive heard and seen what it does to people, and that is not a way to live.. you should own the fact that youve been clean. it will help you stay clean, if you are proud of it. so many people dont get out, they never make themselves successful. now you have so much ahead of you. who cares if you dont have friends?? its about YOU right now. when you have found what makes you happy, or what you want to succeed at, you will turn into a positive person and friends will come.

just remember, what happened before is behind you. dont dwell on it too much. you have everything in your future! :)

pixierocksonthepole
04-01-2009, 10:20 PM
You are clearly a strong person. Take it day by day as you are and stay positive. You will be great!!! Good luck.

And if you ever need to vent about anything it is always welcomed here ^_^

verfolgung
04-06-2009, 02:19 PM
No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. The key is what we do when we make mistakes, and do we learn from them.

You deserve tons of credit for picking yourself up when you were down, and especially having the strength to overcome others trying to keep you down.

Stay strong, stay safe. Take care.

Harlow
04-06-2009, 02:55 PM
Moxi, Congrats on your recovery! That takes a lot of strength. If it's hard to get out to a meeting, maybe you could try a NA meeting on line. Warmest Wishes,Harlow

Silky
04-25-2009, 08:15 PM
Good for you! You have a wonderful future to look forward to and I admire and respect your strength. past is the Past.

You always have here to share your emotions!

xo~!~

Earl_the_Pearl
04-25-2009, 08:42 PM
i hate how nobody can understand what i'm going through! i'm so angry!
:'(
i try to talk to my friends about it, and it only pushes them away.
and then, some friends act like they want to listen and they tell everybody
"mckenzie is a meth head!"
oh fuck you.
you don't know what it's like to have an addiction

You haven't posted in this thread in a wile. I hope you are well. Addiction is a terrible thing but you are not alone. Countless thousands are suffering with addiction. You need support from those that know not necessarily your "friends". A 12 step program works give it a try.

Djoser
04-27-2009, 03:44 PM
Yeah you need support from true friends. I have been to a lot of AA and NA and AlAnon meetings and don't care for most of the groups, but if you find a good one it will really, really help!

It was with my stepfather in treatment and my mom in support (this was in Daytona, which is why the groups were weird, lol). They were really, really active and my mom wound up on the Presidential advisory board or whatever.

Well so what about that. But it was enough to show me that recovering addicts need support to stay strong enough to stay off the shit.

It takes a lot of strength to stay away from it, your 'friends' aren't aware of this and/or don't care. Fuck 'em, you have a new life and there will be new (and much better) friends for you. :)

moxilicious
05-02-2009, 09:46 PM
i'm okay i'm going to go to a counselor...
=]
thanks you guys for being so understanding.

threlayer
05-05-2009, 07:49 AM
It's just like you were reborn a month ago. It would take anyone more than a month to find new good friends. You are going to need some patience with starting your new life.

I hope for the best for you.

moxilicious
05-09-2009, 03:21 PM
thankyou so much you guys for your encouragement!
i feel worthless, b/c my family tends to distrust me although i've been sober for more than two months now and haven't spoken to ANY of my druggie friends
they distrust me..last night i went to see star trek (it was really good!)
and when i came home around 1230 they were outside yelling at me
this morning my sister was like being a bitch to me in front of her friends,
and said "i'm not the one who does drugs"
and i said "yes you do you pothead"
and she goes"well you spent all your money on meth you drug addict and you think it's cool to have a drug addict boyfriend in prison!"
i pulled her hair really hard and we fought,
later on she tells her friend "she always plays the victim she loves to do that!she was molested by some of her druggie friends and loves to play the victim"
i'm sorry i'm so depressed?
and i never bring up my feelings and say "i'm so sad i feel hopeless/worthless/lonely"
i DON'T
all i do is keep to myself b/c EVERY time i bring up those feelings they say something along the lines of "well you brought it onto yourself"
in the meantime, i'm waiting for my driver's license to come in the mail so that i can go audition at body shop in san diego and move out of here

hockeybobby
05-09-2009, 04:58 PM
Never look back.

*hug*

moxilicious
05-09-2009, 11:31 PM
that hug made me feel better
=]
thanks i'm sorry. i am going to stop getting so upset
over my family i have to accept life and live with it.
i want to start all over again where nobody knows me as a meth head

vmurphy252
05-10-2009, 12:15 AM
Some of the strongest people I know have had the hardest struggles in their lives. Trial by fire sucks, but if you come out the other side, you will be forged steel. That didn't sound as corny when I was putting it together in my mind.

Good luck.

Raysworld
05-10-2009, 12:19 AM
holy shit im pretty buzzed right now but i thought i'de log on and respond to this.

moxilicious, you create your reality. you have the choice of doing the drug and not doing the drug. you have the choice of hanging out with people that molest or not hanging out with them.

addictions come about from a necessity of finding something familiar and comfortable to you. when everything else in life is awray we tend to go back to the things we are comfortable and familiar with.

its not addiction to drugs or hurtful people that you are fighting, it is the fear of change you need to battle...or better yet, embrace.

know this: nothing in life is certain. not the blue sky. not the words you are reading right now. The best you can do is acknowledge that uncertainty and start from the fundamentals of being a human.

ive just recently started to live by a new creed. live for the now, and do work; focus on what makes you feel good. You may say, "But shooting up" makes me feel good for that moment, and I will ask "Does it really?" When ever you are going to do something that gives you an unsettling feeling...stop. You will know. Knowing bad from good is written into our DNA...and it comes in form of chemical reaction when you emote. Always follow your emotions...they will never betray you.

Find something that interests you and make it you life purpose...find you life purpose.

in the mean time...enjoy this video...

it makes me happy when im down :)



gluck

alice_island
05-10-2009, 03:38 PM
i'm glad you're clean. while i havent had to deal with something exactly like this, i have had to walk away from a bunch of lousy people who were no good for me. i literally screamed a big 'fuck you' and havent looked back. i REFUSE any sort of contact. anyone who was cruel to me in the past is completely cut out from my life. and they have tried to worm back in- with no success. i removed EVERYTHING that brought me down- everything! ok, it was a bit lonely at first, but i am actually far more at peace now and i dont mind hibernating in my little place with my plants and books. i dont know if this is right for you, but it did work for me. i made lists of things i wanted to accomplish and with all the new free time i had, since i wasnt around positive energy draining zombies, well, darn, i did it!

and this song. i LOVE this song!!! i got me through the worst times:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28KobNbbI2s

moxilicious
05-10-2009, 10:24 PM
aw thankyou you're sweet i know that is a good song!
yea i have done SOOOO much since they've been gone!
i love this song too!!
:]

Fenriswolf
05-23-2009, 08:00 PM
I'm sorry your family is being so unsupportive. Better than having no one I suppose. Just remember you're a good person, you're a strong person for getting this far. Hopefully you'll be able to find friends who see you for who you are and respect you, because you need to spend time with people who don't hold your experiences against you.

You're off the drugs which is damn hard, and it is no ones fault but the perpetrators that you were assaulted. Doesn't matter who you knew or where you were or how off your face you are it is not your fault.

I hope things are looking up and you've got your licence by now. :)

moxilicious
05-28-2009, 12:43 PM
sometimes it's up & sometimes it's down but it's today that matters, right?
i did get my license finally!
=]]

hockeybobby
05-28-2009, 01:11 PM
You are correct moxi. It is right now that matters most.
Use that license now. Be the brave girl I think you are, scrape that shit off your shoe, and leave it all behind you for good.

GoPoKo
06-13-2009, 04:45 AM
You are strong. I'm proud of you. You can do it.

Your parents will understand..it may take some time/counseling, but they WILL be there for you. You made a mistake and are fixing it. They taught you well enough to be strong enough for that.

If you need anything, I'm here

katalinda
06-13-2009, 04:51 AM
Congrats on 23 days sober, that really is an achievement. And every day you add onto that is going to make you stronger.

You have been through some awful shit, and you're right, you ARE a survivor, and this is your chance for a fresh start. A chance to meet new people who are going to support you and not try to bring you down. And a chance to get to know yourself again.

Stay strong babe. *hug*

Gia2608
06-13-2009, 11:05 PM
I'm a little confused, by what you mean by you were molested? You are of age, right? If so than I think I got it. Just making sure. One of my exes is in jail right now too and I hadn't talked to him in a really long time and I feel really bad about him being in there- it sucks! Congrats on being clean, Meth is a bitch!

Be careful out there though, keep your head on straight!

Miss L
06-22-2009, 03:25 PM
Moxie,
Two alternative websites I would recommend are: SOS (secular organizations for sobriety) and theicarusproject.net, which is a great sight for people with bipolar/depression, it is sooo helpful!