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View Full Version : damn military life, i'm so lost and confused



pretty_holly
04-07-2009, 05:38 PM
i just started dancing, but i absolutely love it. it's like i was born to take my clothes off for money!! i'm married to a military guy, and he has no problems at all with me dancing, he's wonderful. however, we're moving in 7 weeks to new mexico, to a tiny little town that no one's ever heard of in the middle of nowhere. i was originally kind of excited because i dont really love florida, and i started dancing to pay off our unpaid bills and for moving expenses. but now we found out that we'll get there the 1st of june, and then he's deploying to iraq in september for 4 or 5 months. i have loneliness issues. the last time i spent more than a few weeks all alone i starved myself and binge drank 24/7. i can see the exact same thing happening all over again if i stay stranded in a small town with more cows than people. ohhh, and the nearest SC is 2.5 hours away in texas.

sooo, now i have no idea what i should do. i could get a studio apartment in texas near the club, so i'm within driving distance of my other house. or i could move back to shitty florida and try to find a friend to live with and stay at my current club. or i could go back to idaho, where i'm originally from. i could live with my parents and go to school and NOT work cuz they cant know, but i would be poor and hating life, or i could move in with my husband's brother and his g/f in idaho, but a diff town from where my parents live, and work at a SC there in town, cuz they're super cool and wouldnt judge.

so sorry for the long post. i'm just scared and dont know what to do, and i could really use other people's opinions on this. my husband agrees that i should do something, but he doesn't really have any insight past that. thanks in advance!!

echomadison
04-07-2009, 08:10 PM
Why dont you just move to New Mexico, and while your husband is deployed go to school. Why do you have to work? Youre married to the military, there really is no reason (besides you wanting to) for you to need a job. He gets better pay while on deployment, plus you have military housing or BAH (whichever way you do it)...my vote is dont work, go back to school, join your FRG and help out around the community until hubby returns from his deployment. Being married to the military definately has its advantages, so live it up. Also have you talked to him about school? A new guideline states that if your hubby still has his GI bill he can save it and and give it to a spouse or one of his kids. BAM! Free school. Im assuming since you said he only has a 5 month deployment that he is Chairforce (hehe), has he already got his PCS papers? There are 3 AFB in NM, do you know which one youre going to?

pretty_holly
04-07-2009, 09:38 PM
we're going to cannon afb. i had originally planned on going to school the whole time he's gone and knocking out as many credits as possible. the whole problem is that i CANNOT live alone. i'm extremely self-destructive when left to my own devices, and i know i wouldn't make it without him there to keep an eye on me. oh, and i'm only 20 years old. my nearest relative would be 18 hours away from me, and i know i wont have made any friends there by the time he deploys. i'll be 100% all alone for 5 months.

Kylea2
04-07-2009, 09:45 PM
I just responded to another girl and basically said the same thing, why don't you try traveling & dancing? I don't recommend young dancers traveling alone, but you could find an older/more experienced friend to go with. You could think of it as an extended road trip.

echomadison
04-07-2009, 10:32 PM
we're going to cannon afb. i had originally planned on going to school the whole time he's gone and knocking out as many credits as possible. the whole problem is that i CANNOT live alone. i'm extremely self-destructive when left to my own devices, and i know i wouldn't make it without him there to keep an eye on me. oh, and i'm only 20 years old. my nearest relative would be 18 hours away from me, and i know i wont have made any friends there by the time he deploys. i'll be 100% all alone for 5 months.

Well maybe you should try? You are a grown, married woman - try acting like it. You have control over your own behavior and can choose to NOT starve yourself and binge drink. Maybe think about getting some help? Why would you be alone? There are surely hundredsof other military wives who have deployed husbands who you could befriend. Like I said, are you living ON base or getting BAH? JOIN YOUR FRG!

shasta
04-08-2009, 02:54 AM
I agree with the above post. Get in touch with local mil. wives. Join a gym. Take classes. Make friends, lunch plans, etc. Looks like your time to grow up and be independent is now. I don't mean that in a derrogatory way at all. It is exciting!

pretty_holly
04-08-2009, 05:53 PM
Like I said, are you living ON base or getting BAH? JOIN YOUR FRG!

we don't know if we'll be able to get base housing yet or not, we'll be living in a hotel for several weeks once we get there. sorry, but i have no idea what frg is. anyway, i talked to my doctor today, and he strongly suggested living with my parents while my hubby's gone, because he has seen me in the hospital too many times and understands my mental condition. thanks everyone for your opinions, but i think i'll be living with some kind of family member, even if it's not my parents.

echomadison
04-09-2009, 11:49 PM
Well I guess you made your decision so it doesnt much matter. Though this thread isnt about military life its about your inability to handle anything in your life without running to someone else.

mediocrity
04-12-2009, 11:41 PM
Well I guess you made your decision so it doesnt much matter. Though this thread isnt about military life its about your inability to handle anything in your life without running to someone else.

You know, I have been through similar to what she has. I have lived alone ONCE, in a city that requires a car and didnt HAVE a car, working nights and all my friends worked days. I was working weekend nights at the club and the days I took off no one could hang out. I was fucking MISERABLE. I had a boyfriend but he worked an extremely demanding career and would be gone 5-10 days at a time with no contact.

It wasn't a question of me not being about to "run" to someone else. It was a sheer lack of socialization. So I too, didnt eat, boozed it up every night and almost self-destructed.

I have lived in my own since 7, but ALWAYS with a friend or boyfriend. Living alone isn't for everyone, and I think what you said is pretty rude. Not to mention she is going to be under extra stress with worrying about her husband and all.

To the OP: I suggest going to your brother-in-law's. You can work, go to school and save some cash to take your sweetheart out when he comes home safe and sound.

fitnessromi
04-13-2009, 02:02 AM
I feel for you!!Im married to an AF guy who is deployed to Iraq right now for 9 months!!We were from Vegas and got stationed n Germany,I came back to Vegas in Feb cause I didnt want to stay there. Im dancin and doin good,just keep your head up n stay away from the booze!!! You can do anything you put your mind too!!

echomadison
04-14-2009, 07:33 PM
You know, I have been through similar to what she has. I have lived alone ONCE, in a city that requires a car and didnt HAVE a car, working nights and all my friends worked days. I was working weekend nights at the club and the days I took off no one could hang out. I was fucking MISERABLE. I had a boyfriend but he worked an extremely demanding career and would be gone 5-10 days at a time with no contact.

It wasn't a question of me not being about to "run" to someone else. It was a sheer lack of socialization. So I too, didnt eat, boozed it up every night and almost self-destructed.

I have lived in my own since 7, but ALWAYS with a friend or boyfriend. Living alone isn't for everyone, and I think what you said is pretty rude. Not to mention she is going to be under extra stress with worrying about her husband and all.

To the OP: I suggest going to your brother-in-law's. You can work, go to school and save some cash to take your sweetheart out when he comes home safe and sound.

Meh. Im not being rude I am being honest. She isnt going to be living alone, she is going to be alone for a couple months while her hubby is gone. She signed on to be married to the military (as they say), she wasnt forced and Im pretty sure she knew that deployments were a very real possibility. She needs to be strong for her sake and for her husbands sake! He is about to be going into a warzone! Also as I stated, she doent have "to be alone" while he is gone, she will be on a military base and even if she isnt she has access to it! There are hundreds of other military wives going through the same friggin thing! If she joined her FRG like I suggested or even TRIED to figure out what it is she would not have to be alone! Sometimes people need to grow up and take responsibility, it isnt rude its just true and that may sting but ya know....who cares...

For some of us the military and deployments are a very REAL part of life and we dont take kindly to people who cant "handle it"...If youre man is having to go over-seas to fight for our country you should be there to back him up 100% in any way you can. If the only way is to stay strong just for HIS sake then thats what you need to do, because acting like YOURE the one risking your life is total BS and that is NOT at all what you should be thinking about.

krchab99
04-24-2009, 09:37 PM
let me first say i love you echomadison you rock. I am about to be blunt and maybe rude but i realy don't care i am an army wife and have no patiance for whiny wives like you you seriosly need to get over yourself. I was moved to hawaii with four kids and i was 7 months pg at the time we were here maybe 3 weeks before my hubby left for iraq i knew noone I had to find a way to make it work for me and I did. I never resorted to starving and boozing or long pity parties I don't have and extented family to run to to get babied I must fend for myself and for my children and I do. Good luck with being an army wife.

mediocrity
04-26-2009, 05:32 PM
oh jeez. I realised I wrote 7. I meant 17.

ArmySGT.
04-28-2009, 04:42 PM
and then he's deploying to iraq in september for 4 or 5 months. i have loneliness issues. the last time i spent more than a few weeks all alone i starved myself and binge drank 24/7. i can see the exact same thing happening all over again if i stay stranded in a small town with more cows than people. ohhh, and the nearest SC is 2.5 hours away in texas.


Well If you were an Army family I would recommend the Army Community Service offices. They are there for Family Members exclusively. I cannot imagine for a second that Zoomies don't have the same thing under a different name.

Here is the Families page for Cannon AFB. Looky there! A Family Support Services with a phone number! Family Support Center 784-4228


The place is a home for a Special Operations Wing. There are wives there that ,likely see their husbands six months out of a year, and doing so since 2001.

It's Clovis, NM. People have heard of it. In fact it is so important a major anthropological site and that ancient People are named after the Discovery there.

The Clovis people.

Lets see just looking at the map there is Carlsbad caverns, Roswell (UFOs), and Amarillo each withing three hours.

An FRG (Family Readiness Group) is an Army expression. Essentially it is a Support group made of the Spouses of a specific Unit and NCOs from that Unit.

If your Husband is in Alpha Company, then the FRG is made of Spouses to all Troops assigned to Alpha Co. There is usually a Senior NCO and one or two juniors that are a part and there to help you negotiate issues.

It is a way for Spouses to get together and share information (or gossip) help out, be a friend, movie nights, babysit, study groups, workout partners, share experience. Whatever you need. Some are great and do stuff all the time, some are just a list of phone numbers.

When you Husband deploys, he doesn't do it by himself. So make friends with all the other spouses waving when the plane leaves.

Now if the quoted part is your only reaction to your Husbands deploying ..........

Get a Divorce. Because you will destroy two lives at once.

Those actions will reflect back on him. He will be pulled aside by his Leadership and asked (or told) to do something about it. This will toss out any hopes of promotion and military schooling, which are essential to a successful military career.

The Base hospital has a Mental health unit, they have seen this behavior before and know what you need to help yourself.