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exotica268
04-17-2009, 09:32 AM
My best friend met her fiance on eHarmony about 1 1/4 yr. ago. She moved in about a month after she met him, and they got engaged a year later. He's from Russia and had been in the USA about 3 years when they met, so many of his actions were thought to stem from him being from another culture. However, the more I see how he acts around her, the more upset I've been getting. Some of his actions include(ed):

-Always bugging her about her weight. Just months into the relationship, he made her weigh herself everyday and chart her weight - they kept the graph on the refridgerator. Evidently, in front of another one of our mutual friends, he made her weigh herself right then and there. She is NOT overweight. She has a beautiful figure. She is 5'7 and 140.

-He doesn't want her to eat after a certain time at night. We were at the drugstore once, and she was hungry and wanted a little bag of doritos and he said no.

-MADE HER FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT WANTING ANAL SEX. since he didn't get it, he had to go to the doctor and was put on medication, for which he blamed HER. Evidently, he's apologized for this incident and says she doesn't have to ever do it unless she wants to now (oh what a sweety>:().

-He has a 6-yr-old kid, who he had w/his ex wife. She says he watches her more than the two of them combined.

-Not only is she the free babysitter, but she also feeds, bathes, and clean the kid's room.

-She's the designated house-cleaner.

-If she complains about something, he gets upset and tells her she complains too much.

-Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought the main aspect of marriage was the part of being faithful and committed to your SO. Well, he tells her that he'll eventually get bored of her and that he either wants a 3some or that he will cheat on her w/out her knowing.

-He lies about other stuff to make her feel bad. For instance, my bf and I were hanging out w/my friend, her fiance, and her fiance's 2 other friends at his apartment. He tells her that when she got up from the table to hang out somewhere else w/me, everyone starting having this interesting convo and that everyone was talking more. Well, my bf told me that was not what happened at all, and I def believe him. He basically makes her feel like she doesn't have anything interesting to contribute to conversations. In reality, I think that if HE isn't interested in the convo, then all of a sudden it's HER fault for not having anything that interests him to talk about.

-Also her responsibility to pick up the kid from daycare and watch her.

-asked my friend to read his big book for grad school and write his paper. he got upset when she claimed she didn't want to at first, and made her feel guilty...telling her that he works over 40 hours a week (he's a manager @ Walgreens) and that he's taking 2 college courses and has a kid. Well, my response to that was that he decided to take the courses himself...nobody forced him. Also, he doesn't ever have to DO anything for the kid bc SHE does it!!

-she vented about the above situation to me, and i told her that's BS and that she shouldn't be expected to do that, nor should she feel bad for not doing it. Well, HE decided to bring it up to everyone the night we hung out. It's funny tho, bc when he brought it up to his russian friends, they AGREED WITH ME. My bf told me the story and i relayed it to her (trying to make her see that NO, it's not a Russian thing). Well, she told him how his friends agree w/me, and he claimed to "not remember that part."

-he compares her to me, claiming that she should go shopping w me because i'm more fashionable and he looks @ other girls on TV and says that he could "never have that." He later apologized for the latter comment, but it's still messed up IMO. He also compares her (body-wise) to his ex wife.

-grabs her mom's butt (who evidently has no problem w/this), but this is what they tell me. I wasn't there to see it.

-Tells her that her mom has such a nice butt. (which can be funny at times, but combined w/everything else makes him seem like a pig).

-We were grocery shopping in Wegmans and she picks up a magazine to read while we're walking. She puts it back in the wrong place and he gies her this talk about how ignorant and how it's a "crime" to do that. Granted, I don't think it's the nicest thing to do, but he doesn't have to embarass her in front of everyone. It's not like she stole the thing!

-He also compares her to another friend who is thinner than she is. I personally think the other friend is too thin. I mean, it's okay for guys to have preferences (and if skinny is a pref than so be it), however, if he's constantly bringing this up, why didn't he just date a skinny girl?

-He tells her that she is a kid that he has to look after. But then...if she has a problem or something else comes up, he tells her to stop complaining and that she is NOT a kid. IMO, he looks down on her and tells her that, but then when the situation fits HIS needs, he reverses what he previously said.

-He gets mad at her when she wants to eat fast food. And no, she doesn't eat it everyday. I mean, he gets upset if she hasn't had it in months and she might just want a Mcdonalds hamburger.

-He admits to placing such a great emphasis on looks. What's he going to do when she has kids and gets older and her body is not the same? Not to say that some people don't keep in shape, but to some degree, everyone's body does change as they age. As of now, she is 22 and he is 30.

-He tells her that she is too influenced by others. Yet, this appears to be what he likes about her. He can mold her easier.

I really don't know what to do about all of this. These are just SOME examples, as I don't want to write a whole book (which it looks like I've already done lol). NONE of her friends like him. I truly tried to like him, and I've given him numerous chances bc she still seemed happy, but that is just how her personality is...accepting and happy. In reality, I think she turns the stuff around and makes herself think that this relationship is normal. She has a tendency to block out MANY things (such as the first time he said he wanted to have a 3some w/me). She always ADMITS to blocking things out. She says she wants someone dominant and who tells her what to do, but I think she is confused. Perhaps I'm wrong and I shouldn't be meddling in her biz, but I can't help it bc I'm her friend. I think she could be SO much happier w someone else. The problem is, besides "dominant foreign guys" like this one, she's only dated one other type of guy - a psycho American. She told me that she gets bored of guys who are too nice, so I asked her to give me an example of a nice guys she's dated. Well, it turns out that on their FIRST date, this american guy showed up with flowers and a card that had XOXOXOX written all over the envelope AND the card. The card said something about meeting someone so special etc. It was the FIRST DATE!! That, to me, makes me think that she hasn't ever had experience w/a normal guy and if she did (well, a normal one with a slightly dominant side...not one like hers now) that she'd be soooo much happier.

She lives w/him, tho, and they're engaged. I don't know what to do. As I said, none of her friends like him and it seems like he has a negative comment to say about all of her friends, and even his (w/the exception of 1). I truly think he's verbally abusive, and he seems like, in time, he could become physically abusive. He tells him own daughter to "shut the fuck up." It was only once that I saw this and he'd been drinking, but it's still messed up. Everyone tells her how he's a bad fiance and they don't agree w/how he treats her. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions???

If you made it to the end of this, thank you soooo much for reading...soooo much :) I figured I should write all of this so you could get a better picture of what was going on. Thanks again.

MarvelGirl
04-17-2009, 10:52 AM
I'm sorry you're going through this. My best friend from high school married an older guy who is the exact same way. The only difference is that he acted super nice while they were dating and was nice to me, but as soon as they got married he started referring to me as "that stupid bitch" and telling her not to hang out with me. THEN, she started telling me about all the horrible things he had said and done to her the whole time they'd been together.

I tried so hard to help her. Twice he became abusive and I helped her move all of her things out of the house only to have her go back to him within the next three days. It got to the point where I rarely heard from her because she "wasn't allowed" to call me so she'd have to sneak calls when he wasn't home.

I finally had to cut ties. It was killing me to see her so miserable, but she wouldn't do a damn thing to help herself. He told everyone, including her family, that I was a psychotic lesbian who was trying to destroy his marriage and steal his wife. (I was married to my husband before they were married, so that's obviously bullshit). Everyone believed him and gave me constant shit about what a terrible person I was until her sister caught him physically abusing her while she was pregnant.

I haven't spoken to her in 3 years because I just can't put myself through it anymore. You can't save a person who doesn't want to be saved, and that sucks when you care about them but it's reality.

Danielle_4370
04-17-2009, 11:30 AM
I don't think there's anything you can do.

GF fell hard for this guy. Hard. Right away we saw him acting assertive, telling her what to do, critiquing her physical attributes. Didn't hit on her mom, tho. :-\ She wasn't allowed to complain, either, and yes, he was verbally abusive.

But she wouldn't listen to any of us when we told her what we saw going on, and stayed with him anyway. It took him hitting her twice before she finally left.

Your friend will need your help. Be there for her as much as you can, is all I can suggest.

MarvelGirl, I feel you, too. When my gf went back to her a**hole after the first time he hit her, I wanted to throw up my hands and forget about her. He had actually convinced her she'd hallucinated the whole thing because of some meds she was on. He'd conned a lot of people into believing that he was in the right, and she and her friends were strung-out hookers. But I was there the second and final time she left. She (and I) was lucky.

verfolgung
04-17-2009, 11:34 AM
Sorry to hear about your friend. I can sometimes be so difficult to be a 3rd party observer and be a witness to something so disfunctional that the person in the relationship just refuses to acknowledge.

Sounds like she has a subservient personality, and perhaps she feels safe, protected, and needed when being told what to do. Ugh, it sucks.

Certainly you and your BF see it. Does anyone else? Does her mother, who gets her bottom groped, see the problem? Any of her other friends?

The thing is you cannot make this a thing where it is you vs. him. If all you do rail on him, then you may just force to her rationalize things more, and eventually she may just tune you out. Especially if you are the only one who's pointing things out to her. Somehow she has to discover the truth for herself.

I think the best thing you can do is make your honest feelings clearly known to her, but then reassure her that you're her friend and will remain supportive of her. Hopefully she will open her eyes before it's too late.

Take care and best of luck.

dancersrights
04-17-2009, 11:52 AM
wow, your friend has no future with this cunt

exotica268
04-17-2009, 03:47 PM
Dancersrights lol, I truly hope so, but what scares me is that she DOES have a future with him :-/

Verfolgung, she is definitely subservient, she says she likes guys that are dominant. Like I said, I could be wrong, but I think she'd be happier w/a dominant guy who didn't put her down. There's a way of being dominant without being verbally abusive. Her mother did not like him, at first, but now seems okay with everything. However, I don't think she knows all that's happened...I think I am the only one. And NONE of her old friends like him. I truly hope she does realize things, bc I told her that he seems like someone who shows all the signs of becoming physically abusive in the future. She BURST OUT LAUGHING at this and said he wouldn't.

Danielle, you're right. There is nothing I can do except for be there for her :-/ I hope it doesn't come to him hitting her, bc I honestly don't think she'd leave him.

MarvelGirl, you're right. You really can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. It just hurts me a lot because this girl has so much to offer someone, and so many people would appreciate her...just not him. You were talking about your friend's SO who acted nice at first. That's another thing that scared me...usually people DO at least try to put on a facade at first...it's part of the "wooing" process, for lack of better terms. This guy barely even tried to do that. Or worse yet, maybe it WAS his version of being nicer than he really is :-/ Perhaps there will be a time when I have to cut ties with her, but I greatly hope I won't :(

Thank you all for listening and responding. I know it was a long post, but it truly means a lot to me that you took the time. I'm sorry for those of you who went through/are going through similar situations. I wish you all the best.

Hello_Kitty27
04-18-2009, 07:51 PM
Personally, I don't think there's anything you can do. You can try to have a heart to heart with her, but I would suggest you tread lightly and choose your words wisely. I tihink we've all been in a relationship that other people may have felt was wrong, shitty, etc. the times I've been there, there's nothing anyone could have said to change my mind or open my eyes. I had to make my own mistakes, get burned, etc.

exotica268
04-21-2009, 09:34 AM
So I talked w/our 1 mutual friend (her friend that I know the best), and we've decided to have an "intervention." We're arranging to meet up together for lunch, and that's when we'll bring up the topic. I hope this works, and I really hope that it doesn't cause anything bad to happen in the friendship :-/

I actually did a random google search for Russian men + abusive, and alotta stuff came up. It said that many Russian men have alcohol probs (he drinks alot), and many look down upon women. So maybe I'm wrong and this IS the norm for them?

Ugh, either way, I still think it's a bad relationship for her, as does everyone else I know of (except her mom).

chitownchick
04-21-2009, 04:56 PM
wow what a control freak!!! so wait he said he had to be put on medication because she didnt want to have anal sex??? that just sounds madeup. maybe i misunderstood. anyways, i have a friend who finds men like this. tey tell her shes fat, whatever they can to put her down and keep her down. eventually she will never leave him becusae he wil have convinced her she cant live without him, as if she is less of a human being without him. this is the kind of thing that you cant convince her to get out of. My friend just somehow left, i think her mom really forced her, but if it werent for her mom she would still be being abused. i hope she gets out of this on her own or else she may be with this guy for a long long time and this shit will only gt worse.

exotica268
04-21-2009, 07:37 PM
chitownchick, when you say abuse, do you mean physically or verbally - both are bad, just wondering. And basically yes, what happened is he got a case of blue balls. My response was that he could've just jerked off to relieve himself. Instead, he hurt so much that he had to see a doctor to get meds, and he blamed it on her.

My friend came up w/a great idea. We're going to first ask her to write a list of pros and cons about him, and then we're going to show her the list that we made up. This way, we're not JUST focusing on the cons, and we're also going to see how much she really remembers since she seems to have a tendency to block things out. Also, as someone else mentioned on here, she'll get to see all of the "cons" written down in one place, which looks pretty bad.

BabyGirl Tanya
04-22-2009, 01:24 AM
i totally get this. my dad is russian. he's totally like that too. my mom is european so she gets it and thinks its normal. believe me, you're friend is going to be bossed around (if not worse, which my mom definitely got) her whole life and trust me, he will not ease up. i know my statement is strong but so are russians. i get the whole dominant protector thing, i like it too, but theres too much bullshit to deal with.

we moved here when i was pretty young so i can see both cultures pretty clearly and why they dont really work together.

i think the reason he treats her that way is because its like that culturally for him. my dads the same and so is almost every other russian guy i know. my dad would treat my mom like a little kid, even though she was pretty he still criticized her looks and what she did, and everything else. he did it because he sincerely thought he was helping her. its like he was telling her truths that no one else would tell her. i think thats how russian guys show love, like they think theyre helping you.

i also think your friends fiance has a low self esteem (moving to a diff. country will do that to you) and she boosts his ego cuz he can control her really easily.also, the whole marriage thing, its like a lot of eastern european guys put emphasis on marriage. its like they will ask the first girl they dont mind having around to marry them... i hope she doesnt think things will change by marrying him.

i dont think this relationship would work because the two cultures are very different and its hard for a russian to completely accept american ways of doing things. i dont think hes ever going to be able to mold her into the perfect person he wants, and shes going to get sick of the ride and eventually snap and leave him. hopefully they do not have kids. please tell them to not have children unless he's willing to open his eyes and be an american (prob not though)

i feel sorry for your friend. i see the pros and cons of dating someone like that but i think they both need to be real with themselves and see they dont have a good future ahead. i would ask your friend if she would like to always be worrying whether he's cheating on her (most of them do and think its ok). like he will never see her as an equal. ever. even when she gets older and probably "finds herself" and starts respecting herself, her husband will still be the same dominant guy that will never truly respect woman.

hey, there are probably a few lucky guys that werent raised like this but mostly its what russian culture teaches what being a man is. pretty dominant, "caring," but overall asshole in all other areas.

( i dont know how this is coming off but im just saying from everything you said, i can understand from both his side and hers...it really sucks for her)

mediocrity
04-22-2009, 01:56 PM
chitownchick, when you say abuse, do you mean physically or verbally - both are bad, just wondering. And basically yes, what happened is he got a case of blue balls. My response was that he could've just jerked off to relieve himself. Instead, he hurt so much that he had to see a doctor to get meds, and he blamed it on her.

My friend came up w/a great idea. We're going to first ask her to write a list of pros and cons about him, and then we're going to show her the list that we made up. This way, we're not JUST focusing on the cons, and we're also going to see how much she really remembers since she seems to have a tendency to block things out. Also, as someone else mentioned on here, she'll get to see all of the "cons" written down in one place, which looks pretty bad.

What kind of doctor gives pain medication for blue balls?!:O

exotica268
04-22-2009, 05:46 PM
^ I'm not positive, but I'm guessing they gave him anti-inflammatories or antibiotics.

Djoser
04-22-2009, 06:35 PM
I don't buy the blueballs thing, but who knows.

Some of the Russian guys can be weird, yeah--we have a lot of Russian dancers and some of their boyfriends are total assholes. One of them from my last club sounds exactly like this guy. He looks like the kind of guy you just want to smack as soon as you see him. He even started taking steroids and bulked up but you can tell he's still a pussy (sorry for the crude term). I would love for him to start something in my club now. He was totally dominant, took her money, would grab her arm so hard he left bruises, etc. Claimed he was from a Russian mob family but he sure didn't act the part except treating her like shit, maybe.

Anyway good luck with your friend. From my experience it's not just Russians, there's plenty of American men and men from other races who love dominating/abusing women. Unfortunately so many women seem drawn to these assholes and just find another the next time anyway.

If they are accustomed to abuse they think a normal guy is 'too nice' simply for being polite, saying thank you or whatever. Most women in Daytona are like this I swear. It's fucking disgusting, actually, but there is nothing you can do usually.

Also whenever I hear about these guys who come on like gangbusters with the fucking flowers and cards right away I am suspicious. I mean I am a romantic at heart (if pretty cynical by now haha) and love giving flowers at home to someone I'm with, but too much too soon is a warning in my book.

exotica268
04-22-2009, 09:30 PM
Djoser, you're right, it's a shame but many girls who are used to abusive (even just verbally) guys think that a normal guy is too nice for being polite. One thing my friend's fiance does do is little "gentlemen-like" things, such as always holding her coat out for her to put on, getting the door for her, and stuff like that...little things, but they still are nice. Too bad they don't make up for the crap he does. And yeah, the ones who seem a little too sweet right away are suspicious. It's just a shame that she hasn't dated anyone in-between the two extremes. Though, I'm sure the one who was "too nice" had a whole different set of issues that she would've uncovered lol.

CKXXX
04-23-2009, 05:58 AM
Ha...medication because she wont do anal??Not even wont have sex (which would be laughable enough)..really??? Like anal is somehow necessary to live?? What a douche. No Dr would have done anything but laugh and refer him to the closest mental health clinic. I call LIE on this one..and a pretty obvious blatant one at that.

Anyone who would fall for that...well...she's too blind to see what he really is. Good luck,but I wouldnt expect too much from her. You're a good friend for trying though.

Naida
04-23-2009, 08:34 AM
On the blue balls thing- Well, it depends. The greater majority of my friends are male and I know a little bit about medicine, so I can say that, if the case is bad enough, it CAN cause damage to the testicles and vans deferens. A friend of mine DID have to take medication (I'm not sure of what kind, just that he got a prescription from his Dr for it) for a short time after he was in military boot camp. I didn't believe that it was as bad as he claimed at first, but when he dropped drawers for my inspection of the family jewels, a portion of his scrotum literally had turned blue from the (thankfully) short-term damage.
The testicles work on a supply-and-demand basis. If a guy has sex or masturbates to ejaculation often, the testicles will produce semen to meet that demand. If he is ejaculating very frequently (my friend was popular with the ladies and having ALOT of sex before leaving- I'm talking at LEAST two times a day for just over a month, plus masturbation ejaculate) but is suddenly cut off cold turkey, the body has not had time to adjust to this lack of demand and is still producing, which can lead to horrible pressure and inflamation which then leads to the associated tissue damage. This happened with my friend, who couldn't even masturbate for his six weeks in basic.
Now, don't assume I'm taking up for the guy. I'm just saying that you shouldn't write off the incidence of real need for help with blue balls.

I personally share her love of a dominant man. I happen to be a registered BDSM "slave" and crave the structure that comes with that kind of relationship, provided that I still keep a few certain, pre-agreed freedoms that are merely influenced. Dominants will, and do, control the greatest amount of your life- your appearance, where you go, etc. In a SERIOUS D/s or M/s relationship, this is a good thing. You have basically become property and, let's face it, people take care of the property they care for while neglecting the property that they don't. But there is a HUGE difference between being dominant and abuse.
Think of it this way- a man and a car. Regardless of what state of repair a car is in, if a man wants it and can attain it, he will pour his time, money, blood and sweat into it. He will work on the engine to make it run better, paint it to make it look better, so on and so forth. He does this because his car is not only a means to an end (transportation or, in the case of D/s, some one to control), but is also an extention of himself and a reflection of himself that people will judge him by. If it runs well and looks good (again, in D/s, she has a good personality/behavior and looks good), it not only makes him proud personally, but also reflects well on him to others. But say he got a ding in it one day. A man in his right mind would NOT hit the car and make the situation worse! It's when that one dumb idiot DOES lash out that things go south. It starts with one thing, then it moves to another, then escalates to worse things and worse reactions. That's when this "good" control crosses the line into abuse.
Of course, I'm not implying that abuse is only physical. Any thing that causes emotional pain is abusive, whether it is conciously blocked out or not.

As for the friend herself? Sweety, if this intervention doesn't work, your hands are pretty much tied. No matter what, she is going to do what SHE decides to do. I'm not saying that you should just cut ties, because that is the worst thing if she ever feels like she should leave, but you also can't just deal with it either.
My suggestion is that you make your thoughts about him fully and unadulteratedly known to her one, final time. After that, inform her that you don't want to be around him and you don't want to hear about him any more unless she's going to do something about his behavior herself. Continue your friendship, just don't let him be a part of it. It sounds difficult, but it can be done.

Best of luck hun.

exotica268
04-23-2009, 12:02 PM
Naida, could your friend not masturbate bc he was constantly around other people or he was in so much pain? I completely believed the part about needing meds, but I wasn't sure why he couldn't have just masturbated at the time. What I DIDN'T believe was that he couldn't have prevented needing the meds, had he masturbated in time...that, I don't understand, but then again, I don't know much about this condition called blue balls.

verfolgung
04-23-2009, 12:47 PM
"Blue Balls" is a slang term.

If you're really curious, here's a wiki reference...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls

CKXXX
04-23-2009, 07:39 PM
On the blue balls thing- Well, it depends. The greater majority of my friends are male and I know a little bit about medicine, so I can say that, if the case is bad enough, it CAN cause damage to the testicles and vans deferens. A friend of mine DID have to take medication (I'm not sure of what kind, just that he got a prescription from his Dr for it) for a short time after he was in military boot camp. I didn't believe that it was as bad as he claimed at first, but when he dropped drawers for my inspection of the family jewels, a portion of his scrotum literally had turned blue from the (thankfully) short-term damage.
The testicles work on a supply-and-demand basis. If a guy has sex or masturbates to ejaculation often, the testicles will produce semen to meet that demand. If he is ejaculating very frequently (my friend was popular with the ladies and having ALOT of sex before leaving- I'm talking at LEAST two times a day for just over a month, plus masturbation ejaculate) but is suddenly cut off cold turkey, the body has not had time to adjust to this lack of demand and is still producing, which can lead to horrible pressure and inflamation which then leads to the associated tissue damage. This happened with my friend, who couldn't even masturbate for his six weeks in basic.
Now, don't assume I'm taking up for the guy. I'm just saying that you shouldn't write off the incidence of real need for help with blue balls.
.

This doesnt work though. The problem wasnt that he wasnt getting sex or ejaculating or anything. According to him,it was because she wouldnt have ANAL sex. So yeah...complete bullshit.

Djoser
04-24-2009, 01:23 PM
Yeah being in boot camp and your girlfriend not giving in to your demands for anal sex are two different things entirely. The blueballs ploy was complete, utter bullshit.

There might be some women who enjoy being treated like an automobile by a respectful owner, but this guy is an abusive asshole even if he hasn't hit her (yet).

ViolaStrings
04-26-2009, 12:45 PM
Your friend is an idiot with low self esteem if she stays with him.

mediocrity
04-28-2009, 08:05 AM
On the blue balls thing- Well, it depends. The greater majority of my friends are male and I know a little bit about medicine, so I can say that, if the case is bad enough, it CAN cause damage to the testicles and vans deferens. A friend of mine DID have to take medication (I'm not sure of what kind, just that he got a prescription from his Dr for it) for a short time after he was in military boot camp. I didn't believe that it was as bad as he claimed at first, but when he dropped drawers for my inspection of the family jewels, a portion of his scrotum literally had turned blue from the (thankfully) short-term damage.
The testicles work on a supply-and-demand basis. If a guy has sex or masturbates to ejaculation often, the testicles will produce semen to meet that demand. If he is ejaculating very frequently (my friend was popular with the ladies and having ALOT of sex before leaving- I'm talking at LEAST two times a day for just over a month, plus masturbation ejaculate) but is suddenly cut off cold turkey, the body has not had time to adjust to this lack of demand and is still producing, which can lead to horrible pressure and inflamation which then leads to the associated tissue damage. This happened with my friend, who couldn't even masturbate for his six weeks in basic.


I tried googling this and yielded no results? I'm a decent way along in my education and haven't ever heard this. Can you point me in the right direction? Very interesting to me.

ViolaStrings
04-28-2009, 08:38 AM
^ that sounds like pseudo-science to justify blue balls.

Naida
05-25-2009, 02:54 PM
Again, I want to make it clear that I WAS NOT STANDING UP FOR THE GUY! I wish you guys had actually read and acknowledged that part. All I said is that it was possible if a man does not relieve himself. My friend could not because, in basic, it's not just the people around but the amount of shit you get into if you get caught.
This particular asshole getting blue balls is his own damn fault, because he had plenty of oppurtunity and chose not to get his rocks off.

Mediocrity- the Wiki link that was posted is pretty acurate. I can't personally remember where I learned it from since it was something that I learned years ago. Only the medication was something that I recently heard about.

Again, I did not say that he wasn't abusive. I simply said that there are some women who enjoy this kind of treatment. This explanation was to give a probable reason of why she hasn't left.

Before trying to make it sound like I am sticking up for some one like this, re-read my posts. I happened to be supporting and wishing Exotica luck with the intervention.

Gia2608
05-25-2009, 03:21 PM
Djoser- I think I remember you writing about that guy before LOL.

I guess this thread is now about Blue Balls and not your friend's shitface little "BOY" friend.
He didn't get Blue Balls from her not wanting anal. If the only way he can orgasm is from anal and neither vaginal sex or oral performed by a woman please him then maybe I figured out what's going on

mediocrity
05-25-2009, 04:08 PM
Mediocrity- the Wiki link that was posted is pretty acurate. I can't personally remember where I learned it from since it was something that I learned years ago. Only the medication was something that I recently heard about.


Oh I know what it is. But I don't see any reason to be given medication for it. It said pseudoephedrine can "quicken" the process, but that is a decongestant, not an anti-inflammatory, or antibiotics, or pain reliever. And really, you don't need a prescription for that. It's a main ingredient in dayquil.

Unless you are referring to priapism, which is an erection lasting longer than four hours. That DOES require medication. But that is not "blue balls".

Mr Hyde
05-27-2009, 10:16 AM
Not to sound harsh, but your friend is nuts.

exotica268
05-27-2009, 11:37 AM
Hyde, yes, I know.

Naida, I understand what you're saying. Thx for the support.

Mr Hyde
05-27-2009, 11:26 PM
As a male, let me let the girls here in on a secret (that many of you are probably already aware of).

There is no such thing as blue balls. There is no real aching when you come close to having sex and then don't, and there is no pain associated with not having sex, at least in any sort of physical sense.

I've never experienced this and have never had a conversation with any guy that has experienced this.

vmurphy252
05-28-2009, 06:01 AM
^Have to respectfully disagree.

ViolaStrings
05-28-2009, 10:12 AM
^ whatever, Beavis.

vmurphy252
05-28-2009, 10:32 AM
D'oh! Get the right cartoon character.

ViolaStrings
05-28-2009, 11:22 AM
^ no, if that's you in the avatar, you look like the child of Beavis and Ellen Degeneres.

vmurphy252
05-28-2009, 11:28 AM
^Now that was just mean and unnecessary.

Elvia
05-28-2009, 12:00 PM
^^ Yeah, it kinda was. Vmurphy has always come across as one of the more respectful and decent gents around here, IMO.

vmurphy252
05-28-2009, 12:03 PM
^Now that was just mean and unnecessary.

You can think it, you just shouldn't SAY (type it; you know what I mean) it.

Mr Hyde
05-28-2009, 02:21 PM
Vmurphy, you've HONESTLY had real, serious pain associated with being denied sex? For real? Because I am the king of being denied sex...can't tell you how often in college such things would happen...and have never ever felt anything other than frustration.

Not to be a traitor to my gender, but blue balls is a BS thing made up by guys to guilt women into sex.

vmurphy252
05-28-2009, 02:27 PM
I don't know about serious pain, but, for example, after visiting one of the ladies here at their fine establishments, if I don't, err, take care of business in a timely manner, the boys themselves become tender to the touch (even moving around in the clothes), and I get minor stomach cramps. No BS. Goes away after business is taken care of. It's not enough of an issue to ever excuse any kind of negative behavior, but I'd rather have an orgasm than feel the way that feels.

chitownchick
05-28-2009, 11:18 PM
that blue balls shit is crap. i asked my friend who is a dr and he said that it is a slang term, as said above and that it doesnt happen. guys can have slight pain but it doesnt need medication. some women have the same issue, if they get horny and then dont get off, their pussy can get sore, just for minutes though.

vmurphy252
05-29-2009, 06:07 AM
^I'll remember that it's imaginary next time...

vmurphy252
05-29-2009, 06:13 AM
Not that Wikipedia is the source of all knowledge...



Again, not major pain (discomfort is a good term) and in NO WAY a justification for any kind of negative action against a woman (or man, for that matter). If you're gonna get excited and she don't want to, you've always got your hands or can rub against a couch or something (not that I've ever done that; I read about it somewhere. Really).

Ok, I'm done. Call me Beavis or whatever it is that happens now.