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Hopper
05-15-2009, 12:07 AM
No, she wasn't offended,... to say the least...

BTW,... she was a little "older", but she was beautiful, fit, and had a PERFECT figure... She had just had a boob job (a very good one)... and she was dressed in a smoking-hot, but classy, little Bebe dress that showed off her new and improved boobs.

It was clear to me that she needed validation regarding her sex appeal... and she needed to debut her new boobs. I assessed that a polite "you look beautiful," wouldn't have been enough... I made her blush a lot during dinner (with humor) and after dinner... she made ME blush back at her place...

Of course a polite one wouldn't. An enthusiastic one would. I know that some women like that sort of talk, from some guys, depending how it's done, though they sometimes pretend not to at first.

I often see people in forums with this... annoying... habit...

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 08:00 AM
I know that some women like that sort of talk, from some guys, depending how it's done, though they sometimes pretend not to at first.

I read somewhere that the only thing women hate more than being treated as a sex object is NOT being treated as a sex object...:-\ Maybe it was Confucious that said this.../:O

But, seriously,... I think if a women is already getting too much sexual attention... She will prefer a man who will validate other aspects of herself, like her intelligence... On the other hand, a woman who does not get enough sexual attention (e.g., because she is married to a low-libido guy, is too busy with her school or career, is a busy single working mother, is living in a very repressed environment or is getting a little older) will be very receptive to a man that is excited by her and validates her sex appeal...

Hopper
05-15-2009, 08:27 AM
^There's a big space between not being treated as a sex object adn being treated as a sex object. If instead of saying you want a better look at her boobs you just told her she looks great, she would have got the message, especially if she was hanging out for it herself.

JayATee
05-15-2009, 08:33 AM
I read somewhere that the only thing women hate more than being treated as a sex object is NOT being treated as a sex object...:-\ Maybe it was Confucious that said this.../:O

But, seriously,... I think if a women is already getting too much sexual attention... She will prefer a man who will validate other aspects of herself, like her intelligence... On the other hand, a woman who does not get enough sexual attention (e.g., because she is married to a low-libido guy, is too busy with her school or career, is a busy single working mother, is living in a very repressed environment or is getting a little older) will be very receptive to a man that is excited by her and validates her sex appeal...

Jack, she had low self -esteem. There's a big difference.

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 08:38 AM
^There's a big space between not being treated as a sex object adn being treated as a sex object. If instead of saying you want a better look at her boobs you just told her she looks great, she would have got the message, especially if she was hanging out for it herself.

She told me she had just had a boob job and, with what she was wearing,... she was obviously showing them off to the world... I could have responded with, "They look nice." in a gentlemanly fashion... But, that would have made me sound lame...

When I moved my chair to get a better look at her boobs I did it in a very excited and humorous manner that made her laugh and blush... Also, the comfort and chemistry was already established, before I did this...

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 10:05 AM
^I think at least my original point was that when you DON'T have a pre-established rapport with someone that the "You're hot" would be less appropriate than "You've got pretty eyes, nice smile, etc...". Of course, that in itself is a generalization, because many different factors play into any interpersonal interaction.

In your example, it sounds like there was already some kind of comfort level established, so it was probably more appropriate, and she obviously liked it well enough (although your description doesn't discount Jay's point about low self-esteem).

Babble, babble, babble... sorry for rambling.

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 11:32 AM
^I think at least my original point was that when you DON'T have a pre-established rapport with someone that the "You're hot" would be less appropriate than "You've got pretty eyes, nice smile, etc...". Of course, that in itself is a generalization, because many different factors play into any interpersonal interaction.

In your example, it sounds like there was already some kind of comfort level established, so it was probably more appropriate, and she obviously liked it well enough (although your description doesn't discount Jay's point about low self-esteem).

Babble, babble, babble... sorry for rambling.

I agree that you need to have some rapport, but you can get that really fast... If during 5 minutes, she laughs at all your jokes... you have rapport...

Again, I think it has to do more with the kind of validation she needs... if she is already getting too much sexual attention and you say to her "you're hot"... she'll probably reply, "no shit, jerkoff!" But, an over-worked single mom who doesn't get to dress up and go out much might enjoy that "excited" comment... She already gets the polite "You've got pretty eyes, nice smile, etc." from her friends and family... She wants to know that she still has the sex appeal to turn a guy wild...

Then, again, who knows?.. You might get slapped...

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 11:35 AM
^I do understand what you're saying, I just would never take that approach myself. I would use my voice and body language to indicate something more sexual WITH the "You've got amazing eyes" rather than something more blatant. But I've never been much of a player, so it's never been an issue for me. To each their own.

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 01:07 PM
^I do understand what you're saying, I just would never take that approach myself. I would use my voice and body language to indicate something more sexual WITH the "You've got amazing eyes" rather than something more blatant. But I've never been much of a player, so it's never been an issue for me. To each their own.

I'm not sure... You may come across incongruent and therefore creepy or sinister, if your verbal language is polite, but your body language is sexual... I think it was Paris who talked about verbal/body language incongruity and she was dead on...

I'm not a "player" either... I'm just very sensitive to "validation" needs because I've got plenty of my own... :-\

I wonder why no woman has interjected her opinion on this issue... Though, I would suspect that most dancers would be in the "already gets too much sexual attention" category and prefer other types of recognition and validation... So, they would probably agree with you... But, if we went to a more general woman's forum it might be more mixed... Some women want to be told they have sex appeal in a very direct manner.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 05:21 PM
She told me she had just had a boob job and, with what she was wearing,... she was obviously showing them off to the world... I could have responded with, "They look nice." in a gentlemanly fashion... But, that would have made me sound lame...

When I moved my chair to get a better look at her boobs I did it in a very excited and humorous manner that made her laugh and blush... Also, the comfort and chemistry was already established, before I did this...

You didn't tell us all this straight away, did you? We were talking about what to say to a woman on first meeting her, when attempting to pick her up.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 05:25 PM
I agree that you need to have some rapport, but you can get that really fast... If during 5 minutes, she laughs at all your jokes... you have rapport...

Again, I think it has to do more with the kind of validation she needs... if she is already getting too much sexual attention and you say to her "you're hot"... she'll probably reply, "no shit, jerkoff!" But, an over-worked single mom who doesn't get to dress up and go out much might enjoy that "excited" comment... She already gets the polite "You've got pretty eyes, nice smile, etc." from her friends and family... She wants to know that she still has the sex appeal to turn a guy wild...

Then, again, who knows?.. You might get slapped...

You mean it only works when you are lying about it? Even a hot, over-worked, single mom sees herself in the mirror after she steps out of the shower each morning.

I agree that in finve minutes you can have rapport, if you are a smooth or entertaining guy. What you are saying is if she already likes you after a short time, she doesn't mind how overtly sexual your comments are.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 05:33 PM
I'm not sure... You may come across incongruent and therefore creepy or sinister, if your verbal language is polite, but your body language is sexual... I think it was Paris who talked about verbal/body language incongruity and she was dead on...

I'm not a "player" either... I'm just very sensitive to "validation" needs because I've got plenty of my own... :-\

I wonder why no woman has interjected her opinion on this issue... Though, I would suspect that most dancers would be in the "already gets too much sexual attention" category and prefer other types of recognition and validation... So, they would probably agree with you... But, if we went to a more general woman's forum it might be more mixed... Some women want to be told they have sex appeal in a very direct manner.

I still think we all must agree that the first compliment out of our mouth on meeting a girl for the first time should not be "your boobs are nice" or "you have a great ass" or "a rockin' body". It might work if you are both dancing at a night club and you've both been drinking. Then again, maybe not.

Okay point about incongruity of body language and speech, but I don't think V had in mind letting your tongue hang out or grinning like a dirty old uncle.

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 06:44 PM
You mean it only works when you are lying about it? Even a hot, over-worked, single mom sees herself in the mirror after she steps out of the shower each morning.

That's not true. There are plenty of potentially "hot" women that do not feel sexy because they're too busy working (or with kids) and they don't dress up or go out often... They wear frumpy clothes... But, when they put on a sexy little dress and high heels... they are hot...

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 06:57 PM
I still think we all must agree that the first compliment out of our mouth on meeting a girl for the first time should not be "your boobs are nice" or "you have a great ass" or "a rockin' body".

That probably should not the very FIRST thing that comes out of your mouth upon FIRST meeting her. In my example, it was our first DATE,... we had met already... but, we were just getting to know each other.


but I don't think V had in mind letting your tongue hang out or grinning like a dirty old uncle.

If he is being very polite verbally, but he is staring at her tits (even without his tongue hanging out)... That is worst because it shows he is only ACTING like a nice guy and gentleman... (The incongruity is creepy.) Whereas if I am being overtly sexual in a funny and joking manner (and congruent), I'm just a regular funny and horny guy. (Not creepy.)

jack0177057
05-15-2009, 07:09 PM
Jack, she had low self -esteem. There's a big difference.

I don't think so... She was a secure and happy person overall... I think it was more like insecurity... But, everyone has insecurities... We're strong and secure in one area, but feel inadequate and insecure in another...

An insecure person just needs a little encouragement and validation... A low self-esteem person cannot be encourage... She has resigned to a state of low self-worth...

Hopper
05-15-2009, 07:13 PM
...

If he is being very polite verbally, but he is staring at her tits (even without his tongue hanging out)... That is worst because it shows he is only ACTING like a nice guy and gentleman... (The incongruity is creepy.) Whereas if I am being overtly sexual in a funny and joking manner (and congruent), I'm just a regular funny and horny guy. (Not creepy.)

Sorry, I left out "staring at her tits". I do get what you mean - a guy can have a manner which radiates horniness and say "you are beautiful" in an incogruous way. But I don't think that is the type of manner V had in mind..

Hopper
05-15-2009, 07:15 PM
That's not true. There are plenty of potentially "hot" women that do not feel sexy because they're too busy working (or with kids) and they don't dress up or go out often... They wear frumpy clothes... But, when they put on a sexy little dress and high heels... they are hot...

Still sounds like they are just disguising themselves as hot. A genuinely hot body is hot all the time. But I do think that many attractive women just don't know they are attractive, in or out of sexy clothes. Women are either criticalof themselves or just have a wrong or narrow idea of what attractive is for a man.

Earl_the_Pearl
05-15-2009, 07:26 PM
A genuinely hot body is hot all the time.

Strippers are masters of disguise. They are not as hot as they appear on stage. They also can dress down when they do not want to be bothered when out shopping.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 07:41 PM
Strippers are masters of disguise. They are not as hot as they appear on stage. They also can dress down when they do not want to be bothered when out shopping.

That was what I meant by "disguise". Of course, a naturally hot woman looks hotter if she dresses to accentuate her hot attributes and she at other times dresses to obscure them. What's your point?

Earl_the_Pearl
05-15-2009, 08:06 PM
What's your point?
You said

A genuinely hot body is hot all the time.
My point is that a hot body can be hidden and you will not know it is hot.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 08:20 PM
You said

My point is that a hot body can be hidden and you will not know it is hot.

Even if it's hidden it's still hot underneath. I said that in the context of how a hot woman would see herself and pointed out that she sees herself naked every day.

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 08:36 PM
^Hopper has done a good job of speaking for me.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 08:42 PM
^Lazy!

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 09:15 PM
^Hey, I have a life sometimes. I'm not going to retype everything you said... oh, right, that's cuz I'm lazy. Good call.

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 09:20 PM
^For the record, I was talking about the more classic "flirty" behaviors: prolonged eye contact (reasonably prolonged), smiling, maybe a touch on the shoulder or hand if it seems appropriate, leaning towards, playing with your hair (oh, wait, that's for the female to do...). I agree leering at breasts while talking like Byron could be construed as creepy (but entertaining to any outside observers). Also, the nuance of voice can completely change the meaning of a phrase (again, wanting to avoid creepy); "You have amazing eyes" can be said in a way that communicates both "You're hot" and a respect for the woman (or guy, if that's what you're into; not that there's anything wrong with that).

Hopper
05-15-2009, 09:24 PM
^Hey, I have a life sometimes. I'm not going to retype everything you said... oh, right, that's cuz I'm lazy. Good call.

Glad you didn't retype what I said, but you still let me type it all. No, you're not lazy. It was Jack's fault for misinterpretting you. I was happy to set him straight. Someone had to make the point.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 09:41 PM
^For the record, I was talking about the more classic "flirty" behaviors: prolonged eye contact (reasonably prolonged), smiling, maybe a touch on the shoulder or hand if it seems appropriate, leaning towards, playing with your hair (oh, wait, that's for the female to do...). I agree leering at breasts while talking like Byron could be construed as creepy (but entertaining to any outside observers). Also, the nuance of voice can completely change the meaning of a phrase (again, wanting to avoid creepy); "You have amazing eyes" can be said in a way that communicates both "You're hot" and a respect for the woman (or guy, if that's what you're into; not that there's anything wrong with that).

Agreed. Body language can show romantic interest without beig overtly sexual, just as with verbal language. But if you want to give her the message that she is hot, you can convey that with tone and body language that is not creepy. It just needs to be understated.

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 09:46 PM
On the other hand, Jack has what works for him. He's not necessarily wrong, just not how I'd approach a situation. But I've always been the shy sort anyway. Which, by the way, is another potential tactic (I've never used it purposely as such, but I've seen it work). The brooding thing works for some girls too; but you've got to mean it, and it's probably not worthwhile to make yourself brood to meet women.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 09:57 PM
On the other hand, Jack has what works for him. He's not necessarily wrong, just not how I'd approach a situation. But I've always been the shy sort anyway. Which, by the way, is another potential tactic (I've never used it purposely as such, but I've seen it work). The brooding thing works for some girls too; but you've got to mean it, and it's probably not worthwhile to make yourself brood to meet women.

Jack's approach works for some men on some women. It's riskier. Our approach would work just as well with any woman.

The brooding bit reminds me of when Fonzie advised Richie to act like James Dean. Yeah women will take interest for all kinds of reasons, but nothing turns them on like a bold approach and a compliment.

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 09:59 PM
^Yeah, brooder by nature, so it wasn't to pull them in. Just happened periodically. Grew up and joined the real world, so I only brood internally now.

Hopper
05-15-2009, 10:14 PM
^Tell me more. Don't let Jack have all the fun.

vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 10:30 PM
I am not someone who can/should give any kind of woman advice. I can handle interactions with my wife with no issue, but, beyond that, I'm as clueless as everyone except jack (sorry jack).

If I had to, basically what you've already said. Respect (the general amount of respect you give to anyone by default; no pedestals), treat them like a real person while acknowledging the differences (viva la difference!), be funny.

Don't even know if that's what you were referring to. Also, the above can also lead to the dreaded "nice guy" zone.

Hopper
05-16-2009, 12:13 AM
^Or the alienating her because you are so wrapped up in yourself you don't say anything nice back to her zone.

Was actually asking for stories about when brooding got you chicks. Testify! Not that it's any of my business.

Earl_the_Pearl
05-16-2009, 12:30 AM
target women with low self esteem and make them feel worse...works every time...

...or at least thats what pick up artists would suggest, lol.

You are correct, AA is the best place to pick up women.

bubbah
05-18-2009, 03:38 AM
Forget the books, forget the seminars, and forget your self-help classes

If your sole goal is to pick up a hot chick, then talk to her. She rejects you, then talk to the next one. Wash, rinse, repeat.
:P

your advice is good, unfortunately some guys don't have the balls to just go up to a chick, not even necessarily a hot one, and "talk to her"..from what I can see, all those books and classes are really just social skills training (e.g. picking up on non-verbal cues, etc.) and in that sense do serve a purpose to give these guys the social confidence they need to approach women..

A_Guy
05-18-2009, 05:10 AM
^^^ sounds like more of a public speaking issue, rather than a "hot chicks scare me" issue... For that (and self-confidence) I recommend Dale Carnegie Training. It'll help with your business skills as well ;)

jack0177057
05-18-2009, 08:14 AM
My point is that a hot body can be hidden and you will not know it is hot.

The issue is more - does SHE know that her body is hot?

If a woman knew how "naturally hot" she is,... would she spend an absurd amount of time shopping for that perfect dress and pair of shoes that "make her look" hot and would she spend hours "getting ready" with her disguise each time she goes out - fixing her hair, putting on makeup, etc.?

I've never met a woman, no matter how gorgeous,... that didn't have issues and insecurities about her looks... Blame on Barbie dolls, Playboy, and Sports Illustrated... She is always measuring herself up against IMPOSSIBLE standards of perfection and coming up short...

Then, there is the aging factor which is like a ticking time bomb for women... Us guys have trouble understanding this, because age is not an issue for us until we get to 50...

An asshole will exploit female insecurities by making her feel super-hot one day, then like shit the next, and switch back-and-forth to keep her on the edge... just a step away from validation...

A prick doesn't exploit her insecurities, but he is altogether oblivious to them, and fails to validate her...

At the other extreme,... a "nice guy" tells her how gorgeous she is all the time and acts like a face-licking tail-wagging unconditional love little puppy (he is a sycophant with no credibility and therefore cannot validate her)...

The good boyfriend/husband will challenge her in many ways, but he will also validate her and make her feel beautiful all the time...

jack0177057
05-18-2009, 08:43 AM
I am not someone who can/should give any kind of woman advice. I can handle interactions with my wife with no issue, but, beyond that, I'm as clueless as everyone except jack (sorry jack).

I've been married, too, and most of what I learned about women, I learned from my ex-wife. If you understand your wife's psychological evolution and her needs to be validated as a woman (sexually, emotionally and with regards to her intelligence), you get from this a big understanding about women... (You have to get to the subtext, though,... not just what they tell you.) I think it's just a matter of different phases in a woman's life... There was probably a time when your wife was in college and drank beer with the "guys" and laughed at their raunchy jokes and lame pickup lines,... then at some point she outgrew that and became offended by the same jokes and lame pickup lines... Same thing with sexual attention,... there were periods in her life when she wanted to be "noticed" and there were periods when she wanted to be "left alone and not bothered"...

vmurphy252
05-18-2009, 08:56 AM
^Yeah, not my wife. She has a somewhat traditionally masculine attitude, and we've been together since early college. I understand her pretty completely, but I think there's probably only a 50% transference to other females. Also, no big drive other than curiosity to understand others. However, we all know about curiosity...

jack0177057
05-18-2009, 09:11 AM
your advice is good, unfortunately some guys don't have the balls to just go up to a chick, not even necessarily a hot one, and "talk to her"..from what I can see, all those books and classes are really just social skills training (e.g. picking up on non-verbal cues, etc.) and in that sense do serve a purpose to give these guys the social confidence they need to approach women..

There are long debates about whether it is better to do a direct approach or indirect approach... (e.g., approach her less-daunting friends and then, casually, get into her group)

The best advice about a direct approach is what you've heard from the women in this post... let HER take the first step by inviting you to approach her with her eyes...

Talk to people, smile, laugh, and look like you are having an absolutely great time, then look around the room until you lock eyes with someone you find attractive... I can't give you a definite rule (3 seconds gazing?)... You will sense it - its like she says - Yeah, I'll talk to you if you come over here. You give her a smile, she smiles back... You don't drop everything you are doing and walk over to her right away, but you slowly make your way over there, introduce yourself and start with the small talk... If you know that SHE WANTS to talk to you - that should get rid of much of the approach anxiety.

commanderadama
05-18-2009, 04:38 PM
The thread that wouldn't die. LOL

Hopper
05-19-2009, 05:04 AM
The issue is more - does SHE know that her body is hot?

If a woman knew how "naturally hot" she is,... would she spend an absurd amount of time shopping for that perfect dress and pair of shoes that "make her look" hot and would she spend hours "getting ready" with her disguise each time she goes out - fixing her hair, putting on makeup, etc.?

I've never met a woman, no matter how gorgeous,... that didn't have issues and insecurities about her looks... Blame on Barbie dolls, Playboy, and Sports Illustrated... She is always measuring herself up against IMPOSSIBLE standards of perfection and coming up short...

...

Even a woman who knows she is hot puts effort into dressing and styling herself, since clothes can either enhance or detract from a woman's natural features.

It's natural for all women to be insecure about their looks, since none are perfect and looks are what they are judged on the most regarding sexual attraction and a number of other things.

Media images are another thing again. Those standards are not to do with how attractive a woman is, but how closely she conforms to one or a number of set ideas of what attractive actually is. Also, the emphasis is purelyon shape and proportions, which is not all of what being attractive is about.

Hopper
05-19-2009, 05:11 AM
...

The best advice about a direct approach is what you've heard from the women in this post... let HER take the first step by inviting you to approach her with her eyes...

...

Agreed - women make the first move before you even approach them. They let you know. Then it's up to you to approach her and completely mess it up.

Often, on seeing you look at her, a woman will look at you, then turn her head away for you to check her out, then look back and smile.

Hopper
05-19-2009, 05:12 AM
The thread that wouldn't die. LOL

The chances of anything coming of this thread were a million to one.

But still they coo-oooooommmme....

jack0177057
05-19-2009, 07:46 AM
^Yeah, not my wife. She has a somewhat traditionally masculine attitude, and we've been together since early college.

Have you ever tried roleplaying? My ex-wife was very traditional, but I got through to her wild side with role playing. It frees up inhibitions and lets imagination and fantasy take over... It let's her be "another person" - which is really just a repressed wilder version of herself.

For one of my birthdays, I asked my ex-wife to be my stripper. (She knew that I "ocassionally" went to the Gentleman Club with my colleagues for lunch.).. I bought her strip-tease and lap dancing videos... I also bought her stripper outfits... It turned out stupendously (with some practice and coaching), and I virtually stopped visiting the SC until we separated... It's too bad we had other issues...

Jezzebelle
05-19-2009, 07:50 AM
The chances of anything coming of this thread were a million to one.

But still they coo-oooooommmme....

And the threads not even funny anymore :(

Jezzebelle
05-19-2009, 07:52 AM
For one of my birthdays, I asked my ex-wife to be my stripper. (She knew that I "ocassionally" went to the Gentleman Club with my colleagues for lunch.).. I bought her strip-tease and lap dancing videos... I also bought her stripper outfits... It turned out stupendously (with some practice and coaching), and I virtually stopped visiting the SC until we separated... It's too bad we had other issues...

The thought of my S.O `coaching` me to become sexy and womanly, something he would be an `expert` on because he has seen other sexy women do it, makes my skin crawl. Thats a really cheeky thing to do.

jack0177057
05-19-2009, 08:43 AM
The thought of my S.O `coaching` me to become sexy and womanly, something he would be an `expert` on because he has seen other sexy women do it, makes my skin crawl. Thats a really cheeky thing to do.

No, you misunderstood... First of all, I've never been a regular or an "expert" regarding SCs. I had been going about once a month for the past 5 months when this happened.

Second, we watched the videos together and I pointed out the things I found erotic... When she was giving me the lap dance facing me, I would tell her something like, "I love it when your breasts rub up against my face. Can you do that again?" When she started giving me a blowjob, I told her, "Not yet, tease me some more... get me really worked up, first..."

I NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE - "Honey, you should do what the stripper at the club did - she slapped my face with her tits."
THAT would have been rude!

Don't people "coach" each other regarding best sex practices all the time? If you don't tell each other what you like, you'll both end up lousy in bed and dissatisfied... I let myself be "coached" in bed all the time...

Hopper
05-19-2009, 10:46 PM
Still sounds like coaching. I also don't get this idea that if women OTC learn strip-tease or pole-dancing that it's automatically sexy. It's sexy in a strip club when a girl you don't know (or see OTC) does it, but your wife or you girlfriend? For one thing, since they don't do it as a job, they're probably not going to be as good at it just from watching a video as strippers in clubs are. Even some strippers aren't very good at it. Also, your SO isn't sexy enough to strip-tease without watching a training video she's never going to get it and I hate the idea that of knowing in advance what she's going to do and that she is doing it by the numbers. Your wife probably guessed that you asked her to rub her tits in your face because it's what the dancers at the clubs did for you, which wouldn't go down well. Where's the surprise in all this? Having your SO do a strip-tease or dance on your lap is one thing but it's a different situation to in a club - doesn't translate from one to the other.

Jezzebelle
05-20-2009, 05:26 AM
I still feel sorry for his wife, sounds like an arkward position to be in. If she were to say `Pfft, I can do better than those strippers anyday!`, then give you ANY kind of lapdance then thats cool (and you BETTER like it).
But the DVDs and suggestions? Bit demeaning.