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jack0177057
05-28-2009, 03:13 PM
Forget Jack's "book and video" approach - women don't need to be told how to behave sexually, you just have to flip the right switches so to speak.
I never said women need DVDs to "behave sexually" - ONLY to learn to perform a pro-quality striptease and lap dances... A quality lap dance has certain specific elements, routines and sequences that are best learned by watching a dancer at the SC or on a DVD.
By the way, I've learned to "behave sexually" from books and videos... If anyone needs "books and videos" to "behave sexually", it would have to be us guys. I didn't get to be the great lover I am by accident... Most of us know very little about clitoral orgasms until we read up on it... A lot of us use porn for sexual edification, but that can be misleading... I am so well-educated on this subject matter that I can teach a woman a thing or two about her own clit... I've located a few G-spots, too,... but the clit is so much more friendly and reliable...
A_Guy
05-28-2009, 03:15 PM
^ Jack I feel sorry for any female who ever dates you.
Sex fades. When you're old you better have had a lot more than just a great sexual relationship.
^^^ you beat me to the punch.
Jack, if sex is the most important thing in your relationship, than you are going to die a old, lonely and depressed man. Your sex drive (i.e. prostate) doesn't last forever my friend.
Sex is important, but not the be all and end all in a relationship.
glambman
05-28-2009, 03:16 PM
^ Jack I feel sorry for any female who ever dates you.
Sex fades. When you're old you better have had a lot more than just a great sexual relationship.
I think hell hath frozen over (collect your outstanding debts).
I agree with JayATee on this.
lemmiwinks31
05-28-2009, 03:18 PM
Sexual compatibility is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in a marriage... If you want to enjoy "other things" with her,... be her best friend and BUDDY, not her husband...
I was married ................
--------------------------
lol.....got to love someone whose marriage failed...speaking in absolutes about the most important things in a successful marriage.....
glambman
05-28-2009, 03:21 PM
I never said women need DVDs to "behave sexually" - ONLY to learn to perform a pro-quality striptease and lap dances... A quality lap dance has certain specific elements, routines and sequences that are best learned by watching a dancer at the SC or on a DVD.
It seems like your living in a fantasy world. With a woman I like, the only stripping I want is for her to strip my clothes off while I divest her of hers. It seems like you need her to be someone she isn't in order to get off.
lemmiwinks31
05-28-2009, 03:25 PM
^^^ you beat me to the punch.
Jack, if sex is the most important thing in your relationship, than you are going to die a old, lonely and depressed man. Your sex drive (i.e. prostate) doesn't last forever my friend.
Sex is important, but not the be all and end all in a relationship.
lol....he sounds like a teenager who is absolutely SURE they know everything there is to know about love, sex and relationships.......
i think everyone (people with a clue on how these things really work) are wasting posts....
Earl_the_Pearl
05-28-2009, 03:38 PM
A wife should be someone you love, respect, honor and all that nice stuff,... but, also someone you want to fuck exclusively for the next 50 years....
No man is going to be happy having sex with only one woman for 50 years. At best she will be 68 years old at the end. :yuck:
JayATee
05-28-2009, 03:45 PM
I think hell hath frozen over (collect your outstanding debts).
I agree with JayATee on this.
:O I think... I'm speechless....
*falls over in shock*
jack0177057
05-28-2009, 03:53 PM
^ Jack I feel sorry for any female who ever dates you.
Sex fades. When you're old you better have had a lot more than just a great sexual relationship.
Sex is not just sex... Sex is touch, sex is love, sex is fun, sex is security, sex is liberation and release from stress, sex is rejuvenation, sex is validation...
How would you feel if your husband never initiated sex and rejected half of your sexual advances? How would you feel if he made you feel ashamed, like a pervert, just because you suggested something new and playful (like dressing sexy). (This never happened to me, but it is happening to Cyril)
I've rejected a women's sexual advances before and you girls don't take that very well... I'd say, worst then men do... Admit it...
Read - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, PhD
Also read - His Needs, Her Needs:Building an Affair-proof Marriage by William F. Harley, Jr.
I may be oversimplifying things just a little, but both of these experts agree that sexual compatibility is ESSENTIAL for a good long-term marriage.
Even the Catholic Church, which is regarded as the most extremely sexually uptight institution on Earth, teaches that sexual compatibility is essential to preserve a healthy marriage.
commanderadama
05-28-2009, 03:55 PM
She does not like wearing anything that she considers "whore attire". She is a very good dancer but not the kind I like. She only drinks wine during holiday dinners like Thanksgiving or Christmas.
She sounds horrible... you should cheat on her. }:D
Earl_the_Pearl
05-28-2009, 03:55 PM
I've rejected a women's sexual advances before and you girls don't take that very well... I'd say, worst then men do... Admit it...
You are so right. I did that once with my ex and believe that was part of why she is my ex.
glambman
05-28-2009, 04:06 PM
Sex is not just sex... Sex is touch, sex is love, sex is fun, sex is security, sex is liberation and release from stress, sex is rejuvenation, sex is validation...
Sex is just sex, a physical act. Bleh The best sex I have ever had were in relationships where we waited and actually built up an emotional bond and got to know each other. The best relationship I ever had did not even involve sex.
Read - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, PhD
http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=128820&highlight=books
Even the Catholic Church, which is regarded as the most extremely sexually uptight institution on Earth, teaches that sexual compatibility is essential to preserve a healthy marriage.
But even they don't advocate weird things. They wouldn't advocate using her as a salad bowl, letting you play in the mud, dressing like a little school girl, et al. In fact, they wouldn't advocate 'using', nor demeaning her.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-28-2009, 04:09 PM
But even they don't advocate weird things. They wouldn't advocate using her as a salad bowl, letting you play in the mud, dressing like a little school girl, et al. In fact, they wouldn't advocate 'using', nor demeaning her.
Any sex act is OK with the Church as long as the sex is for procreation.
commanderadama
05-28-2009, 04:10 PM
You are so right. I did that once with my ex and believe that was part of why she is my ex.
Hmmm I said this in post #32 in the Fantasy and Reality thread. Ahhh my message is getting through. 8)
jack0177057
05-28-2009, 04:11 PM
It seems like you need her to be someone she isn't in order to get off.
You missed my whole discussion on roleplaying... it is not about "being someone else"... It is about being playful and fun...
Does this offend you? -- http://www.loverslane.com/shop.axd/Halloween-Lane
I have never been with a girlfriend that was so sexually uptight that she did not want to dress sexy and play with me... But, if I run across someone like that, I don't think we would be together very long.-- This is Cyril's problem.
jack0177057
05-28-2009, 04:15 PM
^ Jack I feel sorry for any female who ever dates you.
Sex fades. When you're old you better have had a lot more than just a great sexual relationship.
Sex is not just sex... Sex is touch, sex is love, sex is fun, sex is security, sex is liberation and release from stress, sex is rejuvenation, sex is validation...
How would you feel if your husband never initiated sex and rejected half of your sexual advances? How would you feel if he made you feel ashamed, like a pervert, just because you suggesting something new (like dressing sexy).
I've rejected a women's sexual advances before and you girls don't take that very well... I'd say, worst then men do... Admit it...
Read - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, PhD
Also read - His Needs, Her Needs:Building an Affair-proof Marriage by William F. Harley, Jr.
I may be oversimplifying things just a little, but both of these experts agree that sexual compatibility is ESSENTIAL for a good long-term marriage.
JayATee
05-28-2009, 04:16 PM
Sex is not just sex... Sex is touch, sex is love, sex is fun, sex is security, sex is liberation and release from stress, sex is rejuvenation, sex is validation....
You put too much emphasis on a physical act and do not pay anywhere near enough attention to everything else you just said. You need love, fun, security, etc. BEFORE sex. And validation? Sex validates what exactly?
How would you feel if your husband never initiated sex and rejected half of your sexual advances? How would you feel if he made you feel ashamed, like a pervert, just because you suggested something new and playful (like dressing sexy). (This never happened to me, but it is happening to Cyril)
I'd say there was something very wrong, and it's got nothing to do with our physical relationship at all. Your wife not wanting to behave in a manner in which she feels degrades her doesn't mean she doesn't want to be physically intimate. And buying her books and dvd about a subject she finds degrading is disrespectful and hurtful. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to dress like a hooker. The fact that you make your women do that is sick.
I've rejected a women's sexual advances before and you girls don't take that very well... I'd say, worst then men do... Admit it...
Not touching this one.
Read - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, PhD)
I have read it, and it's bull shit. And I'm beginning to have a much better understanding of why you seem to be the way you are.
Also read - His Needs, Her Needs:Building an Affair-proof Marriage by William F. Harley, Jr.)
Took all this self-help book advice to heart did you? Is that why when your wife stopped "wanting you" you divorced her? Since that's what you're suggesting to Cyril?
I may be oversimplifying things just a little, but both of these experts agree that sexual compatibility is ESSENTIAL for a good long-term marriage.
Even the Catholic Church, which is regarded as the most extremely sexually uptight institution on Earth, teaches that sexual compatibility is essential to preserve a healthy marriage.
Sex is important. It is not the most important, and is not a marriage breaker. And if it's simply that your wife isn't willing to put on stripper heels and give you a lap dance than the person with issues is you not her.
glambman
05-28-2009, 04:17 PM
Any sex act is OK with the Church as long as the sex is for procreation.
But when you open the actual book, it says otherwise. "Rejoice in the wife of thy youth".
I don't remember the dudes name, I want to say St. Valentine, but all there views come from one guy, a guy who was basically a pervo before he became a catholic. So you can see where the view is a flawed human one, one that does not correspond to their own Bible.
JayATee
05-28-2009, 04:21 PM
You missed my whole discussion on roleplaying... it is not about "being someone else"... It is about being playful and fun...
Does this offend you? -- http://www.loverslane.com/shop.axd/Halloween-Lane
I have never been with a girlfriend that was so sexually uptight that she did not want to dress sexy and play with me... But, if I run across someone like that, I don't think we would be together very long.-- This is Cyril's problem.
It's got nothing to do with whether we find it offensive. It has to do with whether or not the woman you're with is offended. That's what matters.
Just because a woman doesn't want to play dress up (in terms of your standards) doesn't mean she's sexually uptight and it doesn't mean she won't be any fun in bed.
Like I said, I feel sorry for every single woman you will ever date.
glambman
05-28-2009, 04:24 PM
You missed my whole discussion on roleplaying... it is not about "being someone else"... It is about being playful and fun...
Does this offend you? -- http://www.loverslane.com/shop.axd/Halloween-Lane
I have never been with a girlfriend that was so sexually uptight that she did not want to dress sexy and play with me... But, if I run across someone like that, I don't think we would be together very long.-- This is Cyril's problem.
Why would it offend me? For me, I am not into role playing. Why are you into, because you'd be arrested if you were with an actual school girl?
No amount of 'ohh daddy, I've been bad' or 'Mr. Glamb, I forgot to do my homework' can make up for a nice night on the town followed by a great moment off the town. Having her have to waste time getting into an outfit would kill the mood. And if I wanted some chick to dress in a cops outfit, I would just get a real policewoman to 'arrest' me.
commanderadama
05-28-2009, 04:24 PM
What was this thread about again? LOL
Since this is totally general now, what does the line through the name mean?
glambman
05-28-2009, 04:25 PM
It's got nothing to with whether we find it offensive. It has to do with whether or not the woman you're with is offended. That's what matters.
Just because a woman doesn't want to play dress up (in terms of your standards) doesn't mean she's sexually uptight and it doesn't mean she won't be any fun in bed.
Like I said, I feel sorry for every single woman you will ever date.
Amen!!!! to that.
commanderadama
05-28-2009, 04:39 PM
Jack:
For someone who claims to not be a misogynist, you sure are a really good example of one. 8)
It's a power thing for you isn't it? Please me or me and my money are leaving. I'm nowhere near as demanding as you. I have simple needs, she must stay thin and she must enjoy sex with me.
But at the core I think most men want women for sex/domestics and they want us for money/security.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-28-2009, 04:48 PM
What was this thread about again? LOL
Since this is totally general now, what does the line through the name mean?
If you mean the member's name they canceled their account.
Elvia
05-28-2009, 05:01 PM
Clearly Jack has an abnormal obsession with strippers. Let's not forget that he's the guy who showed up here asking how to date a stripper and thinking it might be an ok idea to stalk them and "accidentally" meet them outside of work. It shouldn't come as a surprise that he would insist his partner's indulge his obsession, and that his priorities are a little whack.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-28-2009, 05:20 PM
... a little whack.
That describes everyone in the club.:P
lestat1
05-28-2009, 06:40 PM
To answer the OP's question, use two oven mitts and concentrate your lifting at the knees, not the lower back.
Oh, and if you want to know how to shear a sheep, ask the farmer, not the sheep.
hockeybobby
05-28-2009, 07:19 PM
LOL @ Stat
jack0177057
05-28-2009, 08:10 PM
You put too much emphasis on a physical act and do not pay anywhere near enough attention to everything else you just said. You need love, fun, security, etc. BEFORE sex. And validation? Sex validates what exactly?
A "physical act"... that is all it is to you?... Now you are sounding cold and mechanical... I am a sensual person. Sex is not just sex for me... It is the medium for expressing many things - love, tenderness, affection, attraction, playfulness, healing, etc... If a woman says she loves me, but she is not into me sexually, then I'll tell her - let's you and me be friends and let me find someone sexually compatible with me to be my lover...
Yes, you do need love, fun, security, etc. BEFORE sex, but it is also expressed THROUGH sex...
Your wife not wanting to behave in a manner in which she feels degrades her doesn't mean she doesn't want to be physically intimate. And buying her books and dvd about a subject she finds degrading is disrespectful and hurtful. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to dress like a hooker. The fact that you make your women do that is sick.
I don't know how you are connecting all the wrong dots... Our sex life was SOLID and perfect for 10 years... She rocked my world and we played in the bedroom like horny teenagers... She did not feel degraded or disrespected by the roleplaying... She did not dress like a "hooker" for me... But, she did wear sexy little outfits and costumes for me and didn't mind it... The lap dance was my birthday present and her only reluctance was because she was shy and insecure, but she did an AWESOME job - and I told her she was AWESOME... and she was flattered....
Other women in my life have not been offended when I bought them cute little outfits to wear and they were all respectable women,... not skanks...
Since when did dressing sexy and stripteasing for your husband or boyfriend, or giving him a lap dance, become the ultimate act of degradation?
The sexual incompatibility issues arose much later in my marriage and had nothing to do with lap dances, and I tried counseling and everything imaginable... I finally ended up cheating on her in desperation, but it was never my intention to hurt her... and I got caught.
Took all this self-help book advice to heart did you? Is that why when you're wife stopped "wanting you" you divorced her? Since that's what you're suggesting to Cyril?
Well, it's either be honest and divorce her or make the same mistake I did - cheat on her. He is already half-way there... If I had to go through all that I again, I think the honorable thing would be honesty. Deception and betrayal is more painful.
The great IRONY in all this is that you and I both know that the SC is full of sexually frustrated married men that would cheat on their wives in a mili-second if given the chance... If more wives learned to give stripteases and lapdances for their husbands, the SCs would be empty...
Why is Carmen Electra and Sheilla Kelley (not to mention dozen others) selling DVDs to suburban moms all across the country? Why is pole dancing and strip-aerobics being taught in dance studios and fitness clubs across the country - am I on a different planet than you?
Married women do not see erotic dancing for their husbands as degrading. The REAL problem is other women telling them it is degrading.
JayATee
05-28-2009, 08:43 PM
A "physical act"... that is all it is to you?... Now you are sounding cold and mechanical... I am a sensual person. Sex is not just sex for me... It is the medium for expressing many things - love, tenderness, affection, attraction, playfulness, healing, etc... If a woman says she loves me, but she is not into me sexually, then I'll tell her - let's you and me be friends and let me find someone sexually compatible with me to be my lover...
Yes, you do need love, fun, security, etc. BEFORE sex, but it is also expressed THROUGH sex....
Sex is a physical act. It's being intimate with your partner in every single other way that makes sex more than "just sex". None of which can be achieved through your forcing your partner to dress up in ways that make her uncomfortable, or acting in a manner she finds degrading. And just because she doesn't share your version of what's sexual doesn't mean she won't be an incredible lover. If you only have sex with people on your terms your bed must be pretty lonely.
I don't know how you are connecting all the wrong dots... Our sex life was SOLID and perfect for 10 years... She rocked my world and we played in the bedroom like horny teenagers... She did not feel degraded or disrespected by the roleplaying... She did not dress like a "hooker" for me... But, she did wear sexy little outfits and costumes for me and didn't mind it... The lap dance was my birthday present and her only reluctance was because she was shy and insecure, but she did an AWESOME job - and I told her she was AWESOME... and she was flattered....
Other women in my life have not been offended when I bought them cute little outfits to wear and they were all respectable women,... not skanks...
Since when did dressing sexy and stripteasing for your husband or boyfriend, or giving him a lap dance, become the ultimate act of degradation?
The sexual incompatibility issues arose much later in my marriage and had nothing to do with lap dances, and I tried counseling and everything imaginable... I finally ended up cheating on her in desperation, but it was never my intention to hurt her... and I got caught.
If the woman you are with feels this behavior is degrading to her, it's her standard that matters. Im a stripper. I hardly think any of that is degrading, but I'm not your lover. If your lover is uncomfortable with that stuff buying her books and dvds and wanting to divorce her if she doesn't comply isn't exactly a healthy, loving, supportive relationship.
Well, it's either be honest and divorce her or make the same mistake I did - cheat on her. He is already half-way there... If I had to go through all that I again, I think the honorable thing would be honesty. Deception and betrayal is more painful.
The great IRONY in all this is that you and I both know that the SC is full of sexually frustrated married men that would cheat on their wives in a mili-second if given the chance... If more wives learned to give stripteases and lapdances for their husbands, the SCs would be empty...
Why is Carmen Electra and Sheilla Kelley (not to mention dozen others) selling DVDs to suburban moms all across the country? Why is pole dancing and strip-aerobics being taught in dance studios and fitness clubs across the country - am I on a different planet than you?
Married women do not see erotic dancing for their husbands as degrading. The REAL problem is other women telling them it is degrading.
Because you've been a married woman so you would know? Jack, you're talking out of your ass. You're from a failed marriage, you have a SC obsession, and you've turned every single one of your gf's into a wannabe stripper for your sexual enjoyment. Stay out of the relationship advice angle huh? You're not not in any postition to give advice on how to have a healthy marriage or relationship.
JayATee
05-28-2009, 08:44 PM
Amen!!!! to that.
That's twice now.... the end is near. ;)
Cyril
05-28-2009, 08:53 PM
I think both Jack and JayATee have made valid arguments.
But sometime your mind wants one thing and your heart wants something else. It is a valid point that sex is not a reason enough to walk out from a marriage. But longing of your heart will make you sad if you do not indulge your heart.
This life is a complex ordeal. Those of you who have figured it out; please accept my congratulation. But please be nice to those of us who are a bit less fortunate; please understand that we too want to get there where you are.
commanderadama
05-28-2009, 09:00 PM
I think both Jack and JayATee have made valid arguments.
But sometime your mind wants one thing and your heart wants something else. It is a valid point that sex is not a reason enough to walk out from a marriage. But longing of your heart will make you sad if you do not indulge your heart.
This life is a complex ordeal. Those of you who have figured it out; please accept my congratulation. But please be nice to those of us who are a bit less fortunate; please understand that we too want to get there where you are.
No-one is there. There are people who think they are there, but they are probably not. I've seen so many guys and gals get their hearts crushed by the perfect mate that I'm at the logical conclusion of jaded.
Sad fact is everyone is an actor and life is a stage. So many have "secret" lives. Perhaps it's different in the fly over states, but on the coasts, it's all an act. You think you're wife is a prude, but I'd put money on it that she's been someones bitch, especially if she went to college.
But what do I know, I'm just as messed up as everyone else. LOL
Cyril
05-28-2009, 09:15 PM
No-one is there. There are people who think they are there, but they are probably not. I've seen so many guys and gals get their hearts crushed by the perfect mate that I'm at the logical conclusion of jaded.
Sad fact is everyone is an actor and life is a stage. So many have "secret" lives. Perhaps it's different in the fly over states, but on the coasts, it's all an act. You think you're wife is a prude, but I'd put money on it that she's been someones bitch, especially if she went to college.
But what do I know, I'm just as messed up as everyone else. LOL
Arrogance often results from lack of proper assessment of situation at hand.
On a separate note, I like to think that I am the only man she has ever known. :)
Golden_Rule
05-28-2009, 09:29 PM
Sex is a physical act. It's being intimate with your partner in every single other way that makes sex more than "just sex". None of which can be achieved through your forcing your partner to dress up in ways that make her uncomfortable, or acting in a manner she finds degrading. And just because she doesn't share your version of what's sexual doesn't mean she won't be an incredible lover. If you only have sex with people on your terms your bed must be pretty lonely.
I know I tease you sometimes on blue, because sometimes to an older person whose been around the block a few times some of the things you say sound so youthfully inexperienced, but that above... five stars.
You know, when you put a few years on you I think you're going to really turn out to be something. :) [said with true respect, just in case my wise ass exterior masked that, and not suggesting your aren't something already].
JayATee
05-28-2009, 10:53 PM
I know I tease you sometimes on blue, because sometimes to an older person whose been around the block a few times some of the things you say sound so youthfully inexperienced, but that above... five stars.
You know, when you put a few years on you I think you're going to really turn out to be something. :) [said with true respect, just in case my wise ass exterior masked that, and not suggesting your aren't something already].
Thx! ;D
Hopper
05-29-2009, 01:05 AM
...
The great IRONY in all this is that you and I both know that the SC is full of sexually frustrated married men that would cheat on their wives in a mili-second if given the chance... If more wives learned to give stripteases and lapdances for their husbands, the SCs would be empty...
Why is Carmen Electra and Sheilla Kelley (not to mention dozen others) selling DVDs to suburban moms all across the country? Why is pole dancing and strip-aerobics being taught in dance studios and fitness clubs across the country - am I on a different planet than you?
...
If these men's wives are that unattractive that they want to cheat on them, the last thing they want is to watch them do strip-teases. I don't think the reason they cheat is just that their wives don't strip-tease.Those men aren't at SCs to see strip-teases, they are there to see naked attractive girls, i.e. girls better-looking than their wives.
Strip-tease DVDs and pole-dancing aerobics is probably popular because men and their wives are being told that this kind of thing is necessary for a good marriage and sex life.
If you are right, Jack , then it is a wonder you were born.
Hopper
05-29-2009, 01:23 AM
Jack - the fact that I have never married is irrelevant - what I said is something people should know before they marry. You are the one here who keeps quoting out of books.
I hope you can imagine things for married couples to do together besides sex and Monopoly.
I agree that some things can be learnt from books about romance. But what have those kinds of books to do with Cyril's wife not wanting to role-play as a stripper? I think it is you and Cyril who are uptight if you make this a marriage-breaker and it's the only way you can imagine enjoying sex. Loosen up, baby!
If some guy's wife does a good strip-tease, I'm happy for him. But to me the whole point of a stripper is that she is NOT your wife.
Hopper
05-29-2009, 01:37 AM
I think both Jack and JayATee have made valid arguments.
But sometime your mind wants one thing and your heart wants something else. It is a valid point that sex is not a reason enough to walk out from a marriage. But longing of your heart will make you sad if you do not indulge your heart.
This life is a complex ordeal. Those of you who have figured it out; please accept my congratulation. But please be nice to those of us who are a bit less fortunate; please understand that we too want to get there where you are.
Is this longing of your heart and complex ordeal just about yor wife not strip-teasing for you? I hope not.
Whatever it is, perhaps you need to rethink what your heart longs for. You also might need to think about what your wife's heart longs for. Possibly she is on another online forum complaining to strangers about the things you don't do for her. That could be the reason she isn't giving you whatever it is you want.
If it's just strip-teasing, I think you are going to have to work your way up to that one in the longer term. Just putting the question to her out of the blue isn't going to work on a woman unless she's already thinking the same thing. I'd say many wives who do agree to it straight-away aren't doing if becase they like to, but because it is expected of them.
JayATee
05-29-2009, 01:47 AM
^ Or he could go to a SC and get the need for LD's out of his system so he can concentrate on the woman that really matters (his wife just in case anyone wasn't sure).
Jezzebelle
05-29-2009, 01:57 AM
Why is Carmen Electra and Sheilla Kelley (not to mention dozen others) selling DVDs to suburban moms all across the country? Why is pole dancing and strip-aerobics being taught in dance studios and fitness clubs across the country - am I on a different planet than you?
Jack I teach Lap and Pole for a living and I can tell you now, my ladies do not come to class to learn this for their husbands. They come to have fun for themselves. Its a totally different mindset to the the one you imagine.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-29-2009, 02:25 AM
On a separate note, I like to think that I am the only man she has ever known. :)
If that is true that is why the sex sucks.
jack0177057
05-29-2009, 11:39 AM
Sex is a physical act. It's being intimate with your partner in every single other way that makes sex more than "just sex".
I agree with this... I never engage in the former, only the latter...
None of which can be achieved through your forcing your partner to dress up in ways that make her uncomfortable, or acting in a manner she finds degrading.
You keep stressing FORCING and I keep stressing COMPATIBILITY... We are not communicating at the same level... There is no thrill in forcing someone to do something they find degrading, unless you’re sick...
The thrill is in being with someone that finds enjoyment, pleasure and fulfillment in the free exchange of sexual expression with you... That requires some compatibility... If one partner’s version of eroticism is perceived as sick, perverted or degrading by the other partner... this is a serious compatibility problem that is not going to disappear...
If one partner has a super-high sex drive and the other has a super-low sex drive,... there will be a lot of frustration in the marriage.
If one partner is very sensual and loves whip cream and strawberries, erotic massages, sex toys, sexy outfits and erotic dancing and the other partner has mideival views of sex - will only engage in missionary-position sex and rejects all “kinky” stuff,... there will be a lot of frustration in the marriage. The “kinky” partner will feel suppressed, repressed, guilty, ashamed and very frustrated... Eventually, he or she will find expression somewhere else, with someone else...
Now, assume for a minute that you love to cuddle before and after sex, and you also love whip cream and strawberries, body kisses, erotic massages, tantra, etc., but your boyfriend or husband just gives you 5-minute “bam-slam-thank-you-ma’am” sex and runs back to watch the sports channel... and he does this ALL THE TIME... are you going to be satisfied with that relationship? I know women that have left their boyfriends because of this...
If you only have sex with people on your terms your bed must be pretty lonely.
My “terms” are very mild - I like whip cream and strawberries, body kisses, erotic massages, oral sex (I give as much as I get), sexy outfits and erotic dancing... The women I’ve date have all been into this and more... (Women tend to be kinkier than guys and want to spend more time doing things in bed.) One girl I dated took up pole dancing, even though I never asked her to. She was very much into dancing and fitness and did it for herself, primarily, but I also got to enjoy the benefit.:)
I’ve never run across a woman as uptight as Cyril’s wife... If I did, I would respect her 100% and I might even become her best friend,... but NOT her lover or husband... This is not a judgment of her... It is a simple matter of COMPATIBILITY... There are men that she will be compatible with, I am not one of them...
Because you've been a married woman so you would know? Jack, you're talking out of your ass. You're from a failed marriage.
I was married for 10 years... longer than most marriages. Anyway, divorced people are the best to give advice... When you are “in love” you are blind to the elements that are required for a long term relationship... Divorced people can look at a young couple and usually tell if they’re going to make it or not. They know the traits of true compatibility and lack thereof.
Cyril wants more eroticism in his marriage... His sexually uptight wife says she’s going to leave him if he even suggests more eroticism... Now, he is going to SCs and chatting with dancers online,... and wondering if he should seek a mistress... You don’t have to have a Ph.D. in psychology to see where this is heading.
you have a SC obsession, and you've turned every single one of your gf's into a wannabe stripper for your sexual enjoyment.
I love sexy dancing, it is very erotic to me... What straight guy doesn’t appreciate the female form performing a sultry dance? The SC is the only place you can walk in at any time and see this.
However, I would rather watch my wife or GF dance for me ANYDAY over a dancer at the SC. The SC is actually my last resort... and in the past year, I’ve only averaged about once every couple of months,... and primarily to eat steaks. I haven't been in a SC in the last 4 months.
Furthermore, strippers don’t have a monopoly on erotic dancing... Do some research on this, it wasn’t invented by strippers... (Have you ever heard the Bible story of how John the Baptist lost his head?) I will admit you dancers do a very nice job with it and make great instructional DVDs on this subject. However, women who perform erotic dances for their husbands or Bfs are not “wannabe stripper” and, I can assure you that just because a man enjoys this from his wife or GF, does not mean that he wants her to work in a SC... Nor are women who take pole-dancing or strip-aerobics classes “wannabe stripper”. There is simply a more open-minded attitude towards erotic dancing and a recognition that men are visual creatures and take great delight in it.
So, to Cyril, my advice is this - DON’T cheat on your wife... Confront the issue head-on... If the sexual compatibility issues are so large that you are actually considering cheating, give marriage counseling a try. If that doesn’t work, pick the divorce option over the cheating option... It is the honest and respectful thing to do...
lemmiwinks31
05-29-2009, 12:45 PM
Any sex act is OK with the Church as long as the sex is for procreation.
yeah.....and if you cum in her ass.....you can reasonably expect it to make its way to the ovaries eventually
jack0177057
05-29-2009, 02:55 PM
It follows from the article below that sexual compatibility is essential to maintain the strong bond in a relationship, even after the "hit" of "falling in love" wears off...
BBC News article at - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3236328.stm
Pounding heart
...
According to Dr Marsden - a chartered psychologist - the brain which processes emotions becomes "fired up" when talking to someone it finds attractive.
The heart pounds three times faster than normal and causes blood to be diverted to the cheeks and sexual organs, which causes the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, he says.
However, as with cocaine and speed, the "hit" is only temporary, though it can last between three and seven years, he added.
Perfect partner
...
"It might look like we are all after the perfect partner to wine and dine but underneath, our animal instincts are seeking out an ideal mate to share our genes with."
...
Sex trap
The research also suggests sex is booby-trapped to make partners bond.
"Your body has evolved over millions of years with one aim - to go forth and multiply, so while having kids may not be on the agenda just yet your body has a few tricks up its sleeve to drag you in that direction," he said.
According to the research the more two people have sex together, the more likely they are to bond.
"We all know you can have sex without falling in love but if you have enough sex with the same person there's a good chance you will hit the body's booby-trap which is there to tip you head over heels into love," said Dr Marsden.
"So your body goes all out to make you bond with your partner and that makes love highly addictive and the withdrawal sucks."
Hopper
05-29-2009, 04:53 PM
...
You keep stressing FORCING and I keep stressing COMPATIBILITY... We are not communicating at the same level... There is no thrill in forcing someone to do something they find degrading, unless you’re sick...
You haven't said that you would force a woman to role-play and strip-tease, but you have said that you make it a condition on staying with a woman and that you sneakily persuade them into doing it for you - i.e. it is something they didn't originally decide to do themselves. There's nothing necessarily wrong with persuasion, but it can be artificial.
I wasn't commenting about forcing or compatibility, only about why strip-teasing/role-playing should be as necessary for ALL relationships to make them happy.
The thrill is in being with someone that finds enjoyment, pleasure and fulfillment in the free exchange of sexual expression with you... That requires some compatibility... If one partner’s version of eroticism is perceived as sick, perverted or degrading by the other partner... this is a serious compatibility problem that is not going to disappear...
Cyril's only idea of eroticism being strip-tease? Surely there are other things he and his wife both like.
If one partner has a super-high sex drive and the other has a super-low sex drive,... there will be a lot of frustration in the marriage.
Cyril didn't say anything about his wife having low sex-drive.
If one partner is very sensual and loves whip cream and strawberries, erotic massages, sex toys, sexy outfits and erotic dancing and the other partner has mideival views of sex - will only engage in missionary-position sex and rejects all “kinky” stuff,... there will be a lot of frustration in the marriage. The “kinky” partner will feel suppressed, repressed, guilty, ashamed and very frustrated... Eventually, he or she will find expression somewhere else, with someone else...
I'd say someone who needs toys to be turned on by sex is less sensual than someone who can enjoy sex with their partner by itself. This whipped cream and toys bizzo is just excess.
Dancing I agree is sensual. But is Cyril willing to dress as a fireman and dance like the Chippendales, or whatever type of performance or other type of favour turns his wife on? Point being, what you can do well depends on your personality.
The toys and costumes and videos exist basically to support the adult products industry. Adult products probably makes most people forget about each other rather than enjoy each other, since they are fixated on the latest kinky fad instead of each other.
Now, assume for a minute that you love to cuddle before and after sex, and you also love whip cream and strawberries, body kisses, erotic massages, tantra, etc., but your boyfriend or husband just gives you 5-minute “bam-slam-thank-you-ma’am” sex and runs back to watch the sports channel... and he does this ALL THE TIME... are you going to be satisfied with that relationship? I know women that have left their boyfriends because of this...
This isn't the same thing as not wanting kinky sex. Non-kinky sex isn't necessarily brief sex and Cyril has not said that his wife is actually unresponsive in bed.
My “terms” are very mild - I like whip cream and strawberries, body kisses, erotic massages, oral sex (I give as much as I get), sexy outfits and erotic dancing... The women I’ve date have all been into this and more... (Women tend to be kinkier than guys and want to spend more time doing things in bed.) One girl I dated took up pole dancing, even though I never asked her to. She was very much into dancing and fitness and did it for herself, primarily, but I also got to enjoy the benefit.:)
And all the others you had to persuade into it somehow.
...
I was married for 10 years... longer than most marriages. Anyway, divorced people are the best to give advice... When you are “in love” you are blind to the elements that are required for a long term relationship... Divorced people can look at a young couple and usually tell if they’re going to make it or not. They know the traits of true compatibility and lack thereof.
Such as kinky sex?
Cyril wants more eroticism in his marriage... His sexually uptight wife says she’s going to leave him if he even suggests more eroticism... Now, he is going to SCs and chatting with dancers online,... and wondering if he should seek a mistress... You don’t have to have a Ph.D. in psychology to see where this is heading.
Cyril didn't say his wife isn't erotic, only that she didn't want to strip-tease in stripper costume. You can have eroticism without strip-tease and costume. You can easily prove this by dressing in your costumes yourself and standing still in front of a mirror. The woman is erotic, not the costume.
I love sexy dancing, it is very erotic to me... What straight guy doesn’t appreciate the female form performing a sultry dance? The SC is the only place you can walk in at any time and see this.
However, I would rather watch my wife or GF dance for me ANYDAY over a dancer at the SC. The SC is actually my last resort... and in the past year, I’ve only averaged about once every couple of months,... and primarily to eat steaks. I haven't been in a SC in the last 4 months.
Only if your GF dances as well as a stripper does.
Furthermore, strippers don’t have a monopoly on erotic dancing... Do some research on this, it wasn’t invented by strippers... (Have you ever heard the Bible story of how John the Baptist lost his head?) I will admit you dancers do a very nice job with it and make great instructional DVDs on this subject. However, women who perform erotic dances for their husbands or Bfs are not “wannabe stripper” and, I can assure you that just because a man enjoys this from his wife or GF, does not mean that he wants her to work in a SC... Nor are women who take pole-dancing or strip-aerobics classes “wannabe stripper”. There is simply a more open-minded attitude towards erotic dancing and a recognition that men are visual creatures and take great delight in it.
Then why are you telling us to buy our GFs instructional DVDs made by strippers? The point I have been trying to make is that erotic dancing has to come naturally from your SO if it comes at all, not drilled by an instructor.
So, to Cyril, my advice is this - DON’T cheat on your wife... Confront the issue head-on... If the sexual compatibility issues are so large that you are actually considering cheating, give marriage counseling a try. If that doesn’t work, pick the divorce option over the cheating option... It is the honest and respectful thing to do...
Yeah, Cyril, don't cheat on your wife, you might just need to divorce her. This from a man who lectures us on imagination and appreciation of female eroticism.
All Cyril has told us so far (I wish he'd tell us more, though it's not our business) is that his wife doesn't want to strip-tease, is a "prude", doesn't like anything kinky and has a "sexual disconnect", whatever he means by that, whichis due to her upbringing. Upbringing or no upbringing, it's possible that Cyril just hasn't done what is needed to turn his wife on. What woman is really that "uptight"? Even upbringing can be reversed. the only thing Cyril has told us he tried is asking his wife to dress in stripper-wear and strip-tease. If that's all he's done to turn his wife on, I don't blame her not being turned on.
He told us she is a very good dancer, just not the kind he likes. Well any woman who is a good dancer must have some sensuality and eroticism somewhere. I'd be interested to know what type of dancing she does.
hockeybobby
05-29-2009, 05:09 PM
Wow, by any measure, this thread is a winner.
Congratulations Jack.
Cyril
05-29-2009, 06:28 PM
She used to be a good ballet dancer. She still can dance fairly well. I have not been to a strip club since we got married. And, I have been to strip clubs only on a handful of occasions. I find strippers fascinating and they arouse intrigue in me.
Let us see how it goes. I have to approach cautiously. Once you take a step, it cannot be undone.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-29-2009, 07:04 PM
I find strippers fascinating and they arouse intrigue in me.
Is that what yours is called? Mine is called the Whopper; "It takes two hands to handle a Whopper". :king:
Cyril
05-29-2009, 07:13 PM
You have a dirty mind sir.