View Full Version : approach anxiety...
vmurphy252
05-04-2009, 06:43 AM
I guess the ATF would depend on what you're doing in the club, but, yeah, I was going for all time favorite.
I understand what you're saying; it reminds me of an explanation of how the Japanese culture works that is in both "Shogun" and "Rising Sun": personal interaction is completely situational, depending on environment, relative social status, etc... I don't think the dichotomy (trichotomy, n-chotomy?) is as sharp in American culture, but everyone (for the most part) interacts according to circumstance. You're not likely to fart on your boss like you would your little brother (bad childhood experience; sorry).
Athenathefabulous
05-04-2009, 06:55 AM
appearing real isnt bad. you want to appear somewhat genuine to the customer otherwise they wont believe your whole fantasy etc.
however, letting some emotion and real feelings show is totally different than letting your insecurities show through. IMO, customers dont want to hear about that kind of stuff. After gaging the customer i will act more or less like myself, but more like myself means i will use my IRL wacky sense of humor instead of playing dumb as rocks giggle girl. However, if i am having a problem, i keep it to myself. If the club is slow and im not doing well, i still tell the customer i am feeling "fabulous" and if i am having an issue with my body or rejection or something that particular day, i keep it to myself.
Hopper
05-04-2009, 06:58 AM
I guess the ATF would depend on what you're doing in the club, but, yeah, I was going for all time favorite.
I understand what you're saying; it reminds me of an explanation of how the Japanese culture works that is in both "Shogun" and "Rising Sun": personal interaction is completely situational, depending on environment, relative social status, etc... I don't think the dichotomy (trichotomy, n-chotomy?) is as sharp in American culture, but everyone (for the most part) interacts according to circumstance. You're not likely to fart on your boss like you would your little brother (bad childhood experience; sorry).
That's what I was getting at.
Yeah I didn't think you were there to check for stills out the back.
Hopper
05-04-2009, 07:01 AM
appearing real isnt bad. you want to appear somewhat genuine to the customer otherwise they wont believe your whole fantasy etc.
however, letting some emotion and real feelings show is totally different than letting your insecurities show through. IMO, customers dont want to hear about that kind of stuff. After gaging the customer i will act more or less like myself, but more like myself means i will use my IRL wacky sense of humor instead of playing dumb as rocks giggle girl. However, if i am having a problem, i keep it to myself. If the club is slow and im not doing well, i still tell the customer i am feeling "fabulous" and if i am having an issue with my body or rejection or something that particular day, i keep it to myself.
Also comes under my point. But sometimes telling a patron what's up is okay. As long as you are connecting, not lumbering. Don't let it all hang out.
vmurphy252
05-04-2009, 07:16 AM
Again, counterpoint. I actually don't mind a dancer (that I KNOW) letting off some steam while spending time with me. I guess I wouldn't want someone introducing themselves to me with "do you think I look fat?", but, if we have a preestablished relationship, I don't mind a dancer expressing insecurity, having a bad night, etc... I have a need to be needed, and that fulfills that need to some extent. Not saying I'm typical.
Hopper
05-04-2009, 07:18 AM
It's one thing for girls to act like total mindless sex kittens in magazines or films - then they are just in front of a camera and in character only during shooting. But in a club full of guys the whole night, actually interacting with all types is a different caper. That fantasy image in magazines is how men would like women to act. But we all know that men and women want different things. That behaviour - total sexual subservience - goes against the female psychology. And how many guys would try to take advantage of it instead of just playing along? A girl would have to be a super professional actress and hostess to sustain that night after night. Most girls wouldn't do it. On stage, yes, but face-to-face, harder.
Hopper
05-04-2009, 07:24 AM
Again, counterpoint. I actually don't mind a dancer (that I KNOW) letting off some steam while spending time with me. I guess I wouldn't want someone introducing themselves to me with "do you think I look fat?", but, if we have a preestablished relationship, I don't mind a dancer expressing insecurity, having a bad night, etc... I have a need to be needed, and that fulfills that need to some extent. Not saying I'm typical.
That's what I meant by connecting vs. lumbering. I don't want her walking up to me and spitting about some other dude or girl and unloading all her gripes onto me like I'm her best friend. But she can mention it to me. She can even let on she's unhappy when she makes her intro. It's the way she does it. It's nice to be "in" on behind-the-scenes sometimes.
Athenathefabulous
05-04-2009, 07:26 AM
sometimes... as in "yea its slow, but thats ok, it was so busy last week I barely had time to breathe! its a nice change of pace to be able to relax a little with people like you" as opposed to "ughhh its so sloww. nobody is buying dances and im not making any money and rent is due in 2 days."
You do have a point though, some customers really do dig the down to earth thing. It makes them feel special if you can act like yourself around them and relax and open up a bit. Most of my repeat customers i have conversations that are pretty real without revealing information that could lead to harm (where i go to school or live etc) or bringing their mood down on the off chance im having a bad day. There is just a fine line between creating a genuine connection and airing dirty laundry that many dancers dont seem to get (not so much on SW, im referring much more to what i have seen in the clubs). This discussion came up when considering whether a customer wants to perceive a dancer as a real girl with insecurities.... I am going to say even those who want a real girl want a real confident girl with good self esteem, not a real and insecure girl. Showing that you are upset about being rejected goes in the dirty laundry category, IMO.
(exception: when dealing with an exceptionally rude customer is sometimes ok to chew them out, though usually this should be done discreetly enough that other potential customers will not see it)
vmurphy252
05-04-2009, 07:30 AM
I think we're all talking about the same gray area. Where I want the girl to be in that gray area probably depends on what our particular relationship is. Interesting conversation though...
Athenathefabulous
05-04-2009, 07:30 AM
hmm yea i guess thats a bit atypical to me. i can see wanting to feel in on behind the scenes, but i would be turned off if a dancer let her insecurities be known to me. I would like to think that the dancer (as well as other customers) sees herself as valuable. And most customers want something thats in demand; kind of like if they were buying a material item they would want something popular that had good reviews. Letting the bad reviews be known is usually not a good thing. but thats cool that you can see it from her perspective, maybe this has something to do with the fact that you are on SW so you kind of know how things work as opposed to falling for the fantasy as much as most guys do.
vmurphy252
05-04-2009, 07:33 AM
I am going to say even those who want a real girl want a real confident girl with good self esteem, not a real and insecure girl. Showing that you are upset about being rejected goes in the dirty laundry category, IMO.
Again, for me personally, I have white knight syndrome, so I want to be the good guy after the other evil men have been cruel. I was the kid on the playground that the girls would hide behind when the other boys were teasing, etc...
Any more free psychoanalysis available on this board?
Earl_the_Pearl
05-04-2009, 04:52 PM
] I would always be polite to bar staff at any other club, or any other kinda of salespeople, and I would hope most guys would too.
Most strip club bar staff could not make it in a regular bar. PLs are treated like the PLs they are in strip clubs.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-04-2009, 04:58 PM
..... "ughhh its so sloww. nobody is buying dances and im not making any money and rent is due in 2 days."
"..im not making any money and rent is due in 2 days." ;)
Athenathefabulous
05-04-2009, 05:59 PM
"..im not making any money and rent is due in 2 days." ;)
oh baby i like it when you talk dirty to me like that! imma spend all my money on you now, boyyyyyyyy. ::proceeds to hand over all of my 20s so you can pay your rent::
now i want to hear about your relationship problems! In detail!:dazzled:
Christyismyalias
05-05-2009, 01:00 AM
Guys go into SC's to buy illusions. They don't want to know you're a normal girl with nerves, they want to think you're a super hot stripper getting horny dancing for them.
If they start to consider the reality, the illusion and a significant part of the erotic impact of watching a dancer goes. Bit of a catch 22 really.
Phil.
Of course you have to put "normal girl" behind the mask. And it is a catch 22. Not to mention some people want the illusion and some do want the more down to earth girl.
It's a crazy balance.. You have to have the confidence shining no matter what.
Hopper
05-05-2009, 05:59 AM
I just take SCs as they are. Because of the nature of the situation in SCs, they are never going to be ideal. They hire regular girls off the street, often without any training, to do something which goes against the female nature: catering personally to male fatasies about women. Add the bitchiness between the girls and the patron problems and the inevitable unscrupulous dancers and other staff.
I actually like SCs how they are - the bitchiness, the hustling, the sleaze and the seediness along with the good. Makes it more interesting. It's just a wierd, unnatural environment at the outset. I go there to get what I pay for and don't expect any more than that.
Earl_the_Pearl
05-06-2009, 06:12 PM
They hire regular girls off the street, often without any training, to do something which goes against the female nature: catering personally to male fatasies about women.
I would disagree with the hiring regular girls off the street, even in this economy.
Hopper
05-07-2009, 01:21 AM
I would disagree with the hiring regular girls off the street, even in this economy.
I meant girls who walk in off the street.