View Full Version : I totally have to share with all of you...
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vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 12:45 AM
^You French?
JayATee
05-13-2009, 12:46 AM
Depending on how drunk I am, it has been known to happen. Drives SO to the moon.
Omg, ok... THAT was a tease!
Actually everytime I hear Benjamin Bratt speak even a word in spanish it has that effect on me too. Maybe it's just accents in general lol.
mediocrity
05-13-2009, 12:46 AM
^You French?
Canadian from a french city. Parents are from Europe and moved there in '79.
JayATee
05-13-2009, 12:46 AM
^You French?
Canadian if I remember correctly right?
Canadian from a french city. Parents are from Europe and moved there in '79.
Yay! I did remember!
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 12:49 AM
Ahh, I get to Montreal about twice a year for business. Have a customer there. Actually used to work for the company, so I am very used to talking to French Canadians. Don't understand any French, but I am used to hearing it.
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 12:55 AM
WTF?
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
mediocrity
05-13-2009, 12:59 AM
^^^ I could total see that in my mind. Little hamster head all HELLO WORLD.
Ahahaha. What a moron.
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:00 AM
Anyone watch South Park? Lemmywinks mean anything?
JayATee
05-13-2009, 01:03 AM
(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
My husband sent that once right after he'd gotten a new phone and the word pussy wasn't in it (obviously). I got a "I want to fuck your puppy."
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:04 AM
Do you guys own a dog?
JayATee
05-13-2009, 01:04 AM
No. He hates dogs actually.
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:05 AM
In reference to the Rock of Love thread:
(703): i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:06 AM
No. He hates dogs actually.
Not quite as awkward then. He'd have some splainin' to do if you did have a puppy.
JayATee
05-13-2009, 01:06 AM
Not quite as awkward then. He'd have some splainin' to do if you did have a puppy.
I called him up laughing so hard I was crying.
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:09 AM
(502): Dude, just got a bummer.
(1-502): What??
(502): A blow job from a homeless chick.
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:10 AM
(731): I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
(601): Talk to you next week
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:16 AM
I think this one killed a little bit of my soul:
(321): My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:18 AM
And to bring it back round to the board:
(310): i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
JayATee
05-13-2009, 01:19 AM
^ See? That's why god invented strippers. ;)
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 01:21 AM
Mmm... forbidden nipples.
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 06:07 AM
"Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML"
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 06:45 PM
Also, I kinda assumed everyone already knows about FARK.com...
vmurphy252
05-13-2009, 06:57 PM
(312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
(815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fenriswolf
05-15-2009, 08:44 PM
Oh god. I'm actually in pain from laughing so much. And I'm at work (vet clinic) alone in the dark eating my food before I catch the damn bus home. Arg.
vmurphy252
05-15-2009, 08:47 PM
^Don't hurt yourself...
commanderadama
05-15-2009, 09:14 PM
Best thing about fmylife are the comments about them.
Owned! 8)
mediocrity
05-16-2009, 05:22 AM
(620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
(785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
vmurphy252
05-16-2009, 09:25 AM
^Happy family...
mediocrity
05-19-2009, 08:11 AM
(404): I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
lemmiwinks31
05-20-2009, 02:26 PM
Anyone watch South Park? Lemmywinks mean anything?
I hear he is a brave and noble adventurer.
vmurphy252
05-20-2009, 03:03 PM
Saw your SN after I made that comment. Apparently I misspelled...
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:01 PM
Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:04 PM
Future customer for you guys:
Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:17 PM
(734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
(1-734): what was she crying about?
(734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:17 PM
(508): well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:18 PM
^I'm apparently posting things for me to read. There's something wrong with that.
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:19 PM
(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.
JayATee
05-25-2009, 11:43 PM
No Im reading them... and laughing along with you. ;)
vmurphy252
05-25-2009, 11:47 PM
(386): That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
(954): Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oksana23
05-26-2009, 01:25 PM
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
cool sites guys, a stripper the other night yelled at our DJ "yeah? well fuck your life!" 1st time I had heard the phrase, now I get it lol
JayATee
05-26-2009, 05:03 PM
(305): If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
vmurphy252
05-26-2009, 09:16 PM
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
vmurphy252
05-26-2009, 09:24 PM
A new smiley just for Jay:
(602): 69 |D_O
(1-602): wtf does that mean??
(602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
vmurphy252
05-26-2009, 09:35 PM
(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Almost Jaded
05-27-2009, 12:19 AM
Fmylife rules. textsfromlastnight is new to me - I might lose my job over that one...
JayATee
05-27-2009, 01:02 AM
A new smiley just for Jay:
(602): 69 |D_O
(1-602): wtf does that mean??
(602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
;D
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
vmurphy252
05-27-2009, 06:02 AM
Mediocrity started a posting epidemic for me (or is it a pandemic?)...
vmurphy252
05-27-2009, 06:12 AM
Not quite as good as the other two, but I found a link to this one on another forum:
vmurphy252
05-27-2009, 09:34 PM
The nightly update:
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then proceeded to jump and cling on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
vmurphy252
05-27-2009, 09:35 PM
Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML