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vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 08:35 PM
(804) I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 08:37 PM
(848) life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 08:41 PM
(951) yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.

vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 08:42 PM
I'm going to a hypothetical hell, but this made me laugh harder than anything else so far...

(970) I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303) Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 08:45 PM
Why are all of these coming from CO now?

(303) oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

JayATee
06-18-2009, 08:47 PM
Haha, I missed your nightly posts!

vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 08:48 PM
Well, sometimes you gotta take some time off...

vmurphy252
06-18-2009, 10:04 PM
Jay, is your sig quoting The Dark Knight?

JayATee
06-19-2009, 12:56 AM
^ Yep. ;D

vmurphy252
06-19-2009, 08:05 AM
^For the record for everyone else, her signature did NOT say it was from The Dark Knight when I asked the question...

JayATee
06-19-2009, 10:58 AM
LoL, no it didn't bc I wasn't sure how I wanted to quote it.

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 11:01 AM
Another site to try:



Sorry if it's been posted in another thread...

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:27 PM
Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:29 PM
Today my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?". I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:31 PM
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:33 PM
(762) Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:35 PM
(404) Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
(706) Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:36 PM
(717) So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:38 PM
(480) gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3

vmurphy252
06-20-2009, 10:40 PM
(845) maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night

JayATee
06-21-2009, 08:15 PM
(404) Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
(706) Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

Major points to whoever this was.

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:52 PM
(214) I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.

I love that this comes from a nearby area code.

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:53 PM
(484) I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:53 PM
Please, please, PLEASE, someone try this and report the results.

(610) Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:55 PM
OUCH! (I assume)

(609) I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
(1-609) and?
(609):RIP clitoris

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:55 PM
(805) My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.

Hmmm, my grandpa lived in this area code...

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:56 PM
(609) i'm saving my butt for my wedding night

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:57 PM
(607) so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 09:58 PM
(859) Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
(1-859) And?

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 10:03 PM
Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

vmurphy252
06-21-2009, 10:05 PM
Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

maximvsv
06-22-2009, 12:17 AM
(609) i'm saving my butt for my wedding night

You've got to love Jersey

XOXO.Katie
06-25-2009, 11:21 PM
This is slightly off topic, but totally on topic w/ really hilarious websites. Has anyone been to http://www.imsobadatsex.com/? Is sooo funny.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:41 PM
(651) nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:42 PM
Just wrong. My apologies to the Ellen fans...

(763) I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:43 PM
(917) I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:44 PM
(414) He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:46 PM
+1 for non-US geographic references...

(303) Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:47 PM
(630) dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:51 PM
(218) Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
(763) ew wtf

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:52 PM
This just plain scares me.

(617) just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:54 PM
(618) for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 01:58 PM
(407) im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
(1-407) i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 02:12 PM
(706) If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 02:14 PM
(519) and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 02:16 PM
(215) i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

vmurphy252
06-27-2009, 02:22 PM
(701) i want to fuck
(320) ?
(701) it's pretty self explanatory

vmurphy252
07-03-2009, 12:29 PM
(503) I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
(503) I am not joking.

vmurphy252
07-03-2009, 12:40 PM
(740) worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.

vmurphy252
07-03-2009, 12:41 PM
(616) this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan